Hey babe! Let's guess what I got at this toy. No, not pumpkin spice Oreos. We already tried those, remember?
No, not chocolate. You're close!
Give up.
I got this giant bag of all the toys!
They were having a sale on the whole wing candy and I couldn't resist. Oh my god.
I can't wait to eat these!
Uh, what? Almond joys are great.
Don't tell me you don't enjoy all the coconutty goodness.
No way, absolutely not. They are not a C tier candy. You're just wrong.
No!
Well, I might give you B tier.
Because, I'll admit, they can't compete with the likes of Reese's, but almond joys are still a solid there for you during a time of stress eating snack.
No, listen, they're like those jeans that you always throw on, you know? Like they're not your favorite outfit, but solid, reliable, able to get you through a tough day.
You should appreciate almond joys like you appreciate old jeans. They may not be anything to write home about, but both are staples.
I have not put too much thought into this. You're just annoyed that I'm right.
That's almond joys true place in the candy hierarchy, unless you can convince me otherwise.
Yeah, there is a candy hierarchy and a C tier candy list is reserved for tootsie rolls and short lasting bubble gum.
No, not candy corn. Candy corn belongs on the F tier. Or just in the trash. I'm not sure it even deserves to be ranked.
Oh, you want to argue with me?
Wait, don't tell me you thought those little gross pieces of candy corn are better than almond joys?
You can't be serious.
I just wait. When was the last time you even had an almond joy?
Come on, be honest.
When you were seven? Well, no wonder you think they're awful. Seven year olds are too young to appreciate almond joys. They're an adult candy.
And you can't say they're awful if you haven't had one since you were a child. I mean, like, did you even like coconut as a kid?
See? But you love it now. So I'm willing to bet you'll love almond joys too.
Here, come on, try one. Your palate has definitely evolved since you were seven years old.
Come on. I promise they taste good. Just take one bite.
What are you afraid of? I know that you don't have a nut allergy or anything. So just...
What?
You're doing no nut November? Babe. Okay, well you realize that no nut November is not a health fad where people don't just eat nuts, right?
That's about dudes not jacking off for a month. So eating an almond joy would in no way violate the rules of that challenge.
Well, I mean, unless someone had a bizarrely strong fetish for coconut. But you don't, so I really don't think you need to worry.
Oh, you want to change the rules of no nut November? Okay, wait. So just to clarify, you want to change the rules of a largely fake internet challenge about not fapping to get out of trying one bite of an almond joy?
Yeah, I'm not really sure that's in keeping with the spirit of no nut November. Well, I don't actually know what the spirit of no nut November is, but I'm pretty sure it's not about refusing to try new things.
It's more about denial, I guess.
Okay, nice try. You are not really denying yourself by not trying almond joys. It doesn't count as denying yourself of it's something you already don't want to do. Although, I actually don't think you've thought about how much you'd be giving up if you did this little challenge that you made up.
It would mean nothing with nuts in it for a month. And don't think that I won't hold you to it. If this is the excuse that you want to use, you're facing the consequences. No nuts for the rest of the month. And that includes anything that may contain nuts on the label.
I think you can do it.
A lot of your favorite foods have nuts in them. Are you really sure it's worth it to avoid trying one teeny tiny almond joy?
You're sure. Even if it means no more of those nut butters that you love.
Okay, I guess you'll just have to eat your toast dry.
Oh, you know what else you won't be able to have? French fries.
French fries and pine nut oil.
Such a shame.
And I guess I'll have to hold off on making my world famous peanut butter pie for a bit. I wouldn't want to tempt you.
I don't really have an interest in giving up nuts myself, so there's nothing stopping me from going into the kitchen right now and getting some of that delicious chocolate and peanut butter ice cream you bought last week.
I could just sit here while you watch me lick it off the spoon.
Of course I'd be happy to offer you some too if you were only allowed to have it.
Are you giving in yet? Good, because I need something to share my fries with.
You are the perfect person for that.
Now, you know you don't actually have to try an Almond Joy if you don't want to, right? You don't need to come up with any more ridiculous excuses.
We can just agree to disagree on our candy rankings, okay?
Good.
Wait.
Where would you rank my Go Wafers?
Please tell me you think they're F tier.
Okay.
I just had to be sure.
Okay.
Come on.
Let's go get some of that ice cream.