Hey! Hey man! It's so good to see you! Bring it in!
Oh, thank you for coming. I know it was last minute. Was traffic okay?
I know. We had that lull. We had that beautiful, beautiful quarantine lull.
And now it's back.
So, oh, okay. Yeah, you can just sit wherever you want.
And then I'm gonna... Do you want a drink or something? I have...
Let me see. I have tea. I have soda. I have seltzer.
I have two kinds of seltzer.
And then I have... I don't... I don't have... I don't drink, so I don't have beer?
I should have thought about that. I'm sorry.
Okay, I'll get that.
Do you want snacks? I have hummus.
I have pretzels for the hummus.
I have...
That's... bad.
I have Hot Pockets.
Now, they're from the dollar store.
But they are brand names, so I figured that that kind of cancels it out, right?
Okay, cool.
And then I have... You know what? You can just... How about this?
Just throughout mi casa es su... You know?
Throughout this time, you can just go to the kitchen, get whatever you want.
Cool beans, man.
Ugh.
So, um, I have a few movies that we could watch, or just like Netflix or whatever.
Um, I know, I... I kind of asked you over here on a...
I just...
My... My dad's having some...
It's possibly heart-related stuff. I don't know. It's new. He's at the doctor.
He's been going to the doctor for a few days over the past week, and I'm just...
I'm just nervous.
Um, because he's never had anything like this before, but he's, you know, he's older now, and I'm just...
I'm just a little freaked out, so that was why I called you earlier.
But you don't have to stay just for that. I just... I also want to hang out with you.
Yeah.
Yeah, no, I really like having you here.
I think... Well, I don't know...
Uh, we haven't gotten the test results back yet, so, um...
You know, I've been checking in with him a lot, and I've been visiting him more, but I just...
It's just scary, you know, so...
Yeah.
I think so. I think... I think it's...
Hopefully nothing.
He...
He updated his...
Uh, will recently.
But he says that he's...
You know, he said that it was just a formality, just a precaution, so...
Um...
Who knows? And, like...
You know, hard stuff. You can live with a lot of hard stuff.
But his insurance isn't very good, so that's a concern for me, too.
And I'm not the most financially stable right now, so I don't even know if I could afford to help him out.
And...
Loans are...
In this economy, you get it.
Yeah, I...
That was... I just... I was panicking, and I...
I called you. I know. I'm... I...
I hope that wasn't asking too much. It wasn't... It's not like an emergency. I just...
I was freaking out, and...
At the moment, I was...
Ooh, really craving a hug, so...
I would love a hug from you, actually, yeah.
Thank you.
Thank you. I needed that.
Thought I was fine, but you put me in my place.
What? No, you don't have to go. I didn't call you over here for just a hug. I'm not a...
Jesus. Who do you think I am? Come sit down. I offered you a variety of snacks and sweet treats.
There... By the way, there's freezer-burned ice cream in there, but the flavor's still good. It's fish food.
Which is... It's honestly... The only reason why it stuck around long enough to have freezer-burned was because it got left behind a big bag of cherries.
And I just didn't see it. So if you want freezer-burned Ben & Jerry's, please take it.
Because if you don't, I will, and I really shouldn't. Come on, get comfortable.
You seem stiff. Come here.
I don't know why you're not cold, but I... Here you go. Rubbing, getting you all loosey-goosey warmed up. There you go. Sorry.
Are you okay?
Are you serious? No, I'm sorry. No, I just... I... I'm sorry. I just didn't... I wasn't expecting to...
I am... I am definitely not intimidated by you. I promise.
I definitely don't... I'm...
I promise that I'm not intimidated by you.
Or feel weird having you in my house, my warm, humble abode.
To which... Oh, by the way, do you want... Here, there's a pillow over here. There you go.
This pillow now belongs to you. Because I don't want it anymore. And also, it reminds me of you.
Because it's big and cuddly and I love it. Doesn't go with my decor. What are you gonna do?
So don't... Trust me, dude. I actually really like your whole thing you got going on, your stature.
It's great. Because you could pick me up. You could toss me like a football. And please do, because Six Flags is still closed.
And I just... I've been really craving a thrill.
Oh, yeah. Send me hurdling, man. Like, 50 yards. I believe in you. I would love it.
And you're extra... But I'm always cold. And you are, like has been previously mentioned,
a little bit bigger than me. Which means that when I'm cold, I can just wrap you around myself like a parka.
And that works out for everybody. Well, works out for me. Yeah, dude.
Don't worry about it. It's only weird if you make it weird. I love having you here. I want you to stay.
You can even stay the night, honestly, because I totally forgot about curfew.
So anyway, and I have... Well, you're not gonna fit my clothes.
Maybe, maybe, maybe we could fashion a toga for you out of a sheet.
And then we can warp and it will be a delightful evening of fantasy.
And also we'll watch something. I don't know what you want to watch. You never told me what you wanted to watch.
I have Hulu, Netflix, Amazon. I have Shutter. I have... I mean, you know, just have at it, dude.
Free for all. You know, whatever you want. I really appreciate you coming over. It's a big help.
It made me feel so much better. And I don't want you to ever feel weird about it again.
All right. Just if you ever want to come, just give me a ring first.
And then, you know, I love having you here. I love you not judging the rancid cheese that's in my fridge.
And I just love all of you. All of this. It's good.
You're sincerely one of the nicest, sweetest people I know. You are so sweet.
And I mean, that might, you know, don't get a full head. That might just say something about who I choose to hang out with.
But I think I have decent taste. And I think that you're a goodie. So.
Yeah. So I'm going to get myself a seltzer.
What did you want?