No, I still don't have service.
Are you sure your phone is, like, dead-dead, because maybe- okay, okay, okay, okay.
I'm sorry.
I swear I had the key when we left.
No, I did- I had to, because I was the one that locked the door.
But I didn't check- are you sure you don't want to walk back to the diner?
I mean, because that's probably where it is, and we'd only have to hike, um, ugh.
I mean, that is, like, an hour round trip, but you know what?
I don't mind- like, I'll do it.
I really don't mind doing it alone.
It's my fault, and if you want to stay here, or if you want to go down to that Starbucks
and wait and warm up, it's okay.
I mean, look, it was my bad, and I have a flashlight on my phone, so- ugh, yeah, but
you have a good point.
I'm not really sure when the others are getting back, because, I mean, Chessie has the other
key, but she said they were going to go ski a little more after they were done shopping,
I think, so- I mean, do you want to- we can just head to that Starbucks and just dick
around.
I mean, honestly, it might just be really nice, you know, we can cozy up.
It's a fancy Starbucks, so they've got a fireplace, and I'll buy, obviously.
It's the least I could do, but, you know, I think it could just be a good time.
We can go over the pictures.
Yeah.
And yeah, that's smart, because if anyone has service, it's them.
Okay, alright.
Whew, it is very cold, huh, why did we only bring one car?
Yeah, well, I mean, but at least we're relatively close by, you know, it's not that far of
a walk.
I am honestly really excited to try their new stuff.
I heard they have a pistachio latte, and if that's true, mama's going vinty.
What was the flavor that you wanted to try?
Oh, really, I- wait, no, I could have sworn that you- okay, well, I mean, if you find
something, you can get whatever you want, you know, and you can get any size, it is
totally, totally cool, I just, I want you to, you know, melt some of the ice that's
gnawing at your bones right now.
So, you know, this is a perfect opportunity to buy you one of their nasty cookies, and
then you'll, you'll understand, finally, what I mean.
Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I, I, no, no, I'm just, I didn't even think, I didn't even
think that I just did it, I'm so, no, no, no, I'm so sorry, I didn't, I just, I, okay,
okay, no, no, I, you're right, you're right, okay, look, look, look, look, I, I just, I
was just trying, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
You know what?
Tell me what's up, what am I talking, don't, don't act stupid, because I know better than
most people that you're not, and don't treat me like I am either, please.
Are you seriously going to deny it to my face when I've asked, okay, okay, fine, then I,
I'll lay it out for you one issue at a time, okay, and then you can respond to each individually,
does that sound alright, okay, are you mad at me, okay, yeah, no, that's right, I lost
the key to the lodge, that is a very valid reason to be upset with someone, and I am
sorry, okay, that was completely my fault, and I know that you're tired and cold, and
it's getting dark, okay, I know, my fuck up is preventing you from getting back, and that
sucks, but were you mad at me before that though, at the diner, no, then why were you
being so short with me, don't deny it, because everyone could tell, which was embarrassing
by the way, why were you acting that way with me, well you didn't treat them like that,
it was just when I would pipe up, you ignored me all throughout dinner, you intentionally
changed seats with Jose at breakfast this morning, I assume so that I wasn't next to
you, and yesterday you rolled your eyes so hard at me that I'm surprised you even bothered
to do it facing away, I don't even know what that was over, Chessy was the one who told
me, but I can't think of anything that I might have said that would inspire a reaction like
that, but you obviously would know, so can you tell me, please, at least so that I'll
know not to do that around you in the future, you don't remember, okay, look, if you're
stressed, that's fine, I'm sorry, I would love to know how I could help you if I can,
because I don't want to add to that, especially on your vacation, but you can't take it out
on me like this, because it is rude, and I do notice, and it's my vacation too, so I'm
sorry if somehow my presence on this trip isn't what you thought it would be, but I
am just being my usual self, and I thought you liked that, I thought maybe, maybe this
would be an opportunity to get closer, and I assumed that you thought so too, can I say,
can I, I'm just gonna say it, are you intentionally pushing me away, is that what's happening,
because I feel like, I don't know what else it would be, you know, can you just tell me
then if it's because you don't like me, or because you do, because I want to know if
I've been misinterpreting things, things like the way that we've been extra touchy
feely lately, I mean we talk all the time, we're constantly going places one on one,
even our hugs are different, we didn't used to hug like that, our friendship didn't used
to be this intimate, and I was okay with that, because I thought you didn't want it to be,
have I misread everything, because if you tell me that I was wrong, then I'll stop,
if you tell me that I was wrong, and that it's been making you uncomfortable, I will
stop flirting with you, and I'll stop touching you, and trying to deepen our relationship,
that sounds manipulative, but I, you know what I mean, right, and I'll stop texting
you if you want, if you think it's becoming too much, I'll give you as wide a breath as
I can for the rest of the trip, okay, because I don't want to stifle you, or make you think
that I am determining what we should mean to each other, because I can't do that, I
don't want to do that, I like you, so, of course I want a relationship to head in a
certain direction, but that's not my call, and I'm not the type to try and pressure someone
into liking me back, but I don't know, maybe I'm really full of myself, but I don't think
that you feel that way, I don't think you led me on, that's not a good way to put it,
I don't think that you acted superficially, okay, but if that is true, then you have to
stop trying to push me away, because it's not working, I still like you, I still have
feelings for you, but it hurts, dude, it goddamn hurts, and I don't know if the reason is because
you don't think that I am enough, or you are not convinced that you are, and I know what
that's like, okay, I don't know if this is what you're going through, but I understand
the feeling of finding faults in everything that you do, and thinking, well, there's no
way that someone would ever want me, you know, truly want me, but hey, guess what, you've
tricked me, I'm not staring at you through rose-colored bifocals going, ooh, I love the
idea of this asshole, I know you're an asshole, and I know in precisely what ways, because
I've seen you on your shit days, and even shitty weeks, and believe it or not, I can
handle it, okay, I even enjoy some of the ways that you suck, and you're going to suck
no matter what, because you're only human, but this, you have to let me know if this
is something that you want me to pursue, like, like, do you just need more time, or is it
a dead end, you know, because for one reason or another, you're not as into me as I thought,
or as you thought, look, okay, you can think it over, okay, you should, I know that this,
this isn't something to rush, it's clearly a big deal, or neither of us would be reacting
the way that we are, but when you do, okay, when you, when you think about this, I don't,
I don't want you to go and get inside your head that this, what's happening right now,
don't think that it makes me like you any less, because, because just because I'm frustrated,
and hurt, and annoyed with you, look, you, you've been behaving like this for weeks,
you know, like, almost a month on and off, shh, don't deny it, okay, maybe look a little
guilty, but don't act like it's, I haven't said anything, maybe I should have, I just,
I didn't know what the problem was, and I was afraid that it was me, because it's been
me in the past, but I, I just didn't, I don't want to jump start that conversation and potentially
lose someone that I really, really care about, but if this is the reason why I've been made
to feel unwanted, and annoying, and unlikable, then that really sucks, and I owe it to both
of us to get it out in the open, yeah, well, now you know, I'm sorry, I'm not trying to
come off so, I don't want to bully you into a response, I just wanted to tell you how
I feel, and you're not obligated to return any affection, or even try to work through
your shit to appease me, but I just wanted to know where I stand, and if I'm right, if
you're just not ready, because you're scared, or I don't know, maybe the reason you're not
attracted to me is because I like you, that would be the real kicker, if you lost interest
in me because my high opinion of you devalues my merit, fuck you if that's the case, honestly,
because I have great taste, acquired maybe, but fuck if it ain't good, and I really hope
that that isn't true, because it would break my heart to know that you thought so poorly
of yourself, that the thought of someone loving you makes their feelings worthless, that would
just suck on both ends, but I should tell you the feelings I have for you, I'm not
only hanging around because of the chemicals in my brain, I overanalyze this shit to hell
and back, you know I vet my options very carefully, if anything, I've talked myself out of liking
you like 3 times by now, but it doesn't work, because I love so much of who you are, the
feelings always come back, and every time I catch it I think, oh well duh, how could
they not with someone like that, I don't know when exactly our situation became real to
you, I'm guessing it was around the time you started lashing out, but it's been a long
ass time for me dude, I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable, I'm trying to give you space,
I know I never really flirted or tried to close the distance until the summer when you
started showing interest, maybe I, I don't know did I rush it, I was just so excited
that you seemed to want me, I probably overdid it, I don't even know how that came off to
you, I'm sorry, I want you to know that you can trust me, okay, you can trust me to back
off and to take things slow, to keep myself grounded, and to let you go, but honestly
I really don't want to, I really don't, not when, not if it's because you're afraid, and
I get it, I get it, you want to protect yourself, maybe you even want to protect me, but I'm
a big girl, and I'm not stupid, and I'll be honest, that'll piss me off, I mean, I am
not blaming you, like I said, I understand, and what you feel is what you feel, but I
hope then that you'll find someone who can help you learn how to see yourself differently,
because you're more important than you think, regardless of what you believe, I can look
at you and see how much worth you have, and even I would be overlooking some spots, because
I can only see you in relation to so many things, I'm just one person, but I have been
looking, for a long time, and I've seen your colours, as cliché as that sounds, and putting
up walls doesn't muddy them, it just makes me so much sadder, to have to walk away, but
if you really want me to, for any reason, I'll have to, and I respect that, but I'm
still going to be in love with you.
Oh, fuck, this is not helping my runny nose, anyway, let's keep going, okay, oh my god,
my feet are about to turn black, yeah, yeah, yeah, come here, you can have a hug, of course
I want to hug you, sorry, it really went in my mouth, how did you know forehead kisses
are my favourite, can I, bend down asshole, move your hat, I don't even know how to pull
it back down the way you had it, there we go, you're a gorgeous cyclops, oh yeah, definitely,
of course we can talk more, I would love to, do you want to get a couple squishy armchairs,
oh my god, on the ground, oh my god, it's our key, oh my, well thank god it fell out
on the sidewalk where the salt is, I really didn't want to tell Ches I lost it, her uncle
was so finicky about us staying at his lodge in the first place, I must have a hole in
my coat or something, well, do you want to go back or, okay yeah, Starbucks first, I
agree, I really do want to try that pistachio latte, hmm, what do you need to, ah!