Hey! I've been looking for you. What are you doing out here? Hello? Oh no. What's wrong?
No, no, no, no, no. Don't look away. Come here, come here. Hey, come here. Look at me, okay?
Baby, what happened? Are you all right?
Is everything okay? Is everyone okay?
Okay, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. We don't need to get into it right now.
Just don't try to hide it from me, okay?
Do you want to be alone?
You can be honest.
Okay, then I am going to make myself comfortable then.
Oh god, this railing is fucking a little more splintery than I thought. We need to refinish this deck.
It's so nice out.
I don't want to pry, you know, if you're not up for talking about it.
No, I don't want to force you to get into things if you're not ready.
And if all you want to do is cry or if you want to hug,
if you just want some time alone, anything, just let me know.
But if you do want to cry or a hug, just find me.
Just find me. And if you want to do it in private, away from everybody including me,
that's fine too. Just know that I am here if you feel like opening up.
What are you apologizing for?
Being a person, it's completely normal for everyone, every single buddy.
We're all human. We have tear ducts for a reason, you know.
It's like skin. You got it. You ought to wear sunscreen. You ought to moisturize and cleanse
and stay away from dimethicone because it'll make it break out. And mineral oil, sorry, I'm deviating.
I'm just saying it would be beyond stupid of me to expect you to keep it together all the time.
You know?
I mean even if you miraculously only get teary once a year, which what's that like? I don't know.
It's still a legit emotion when you do feel it.
And I want you to feel comfortable expressing that.
To be honest, it makes me feel kind of
kind of like a shitty girlfriend if you always hide this part of yourself from me.
No, I'm not trying to make it about me. I'm sorry. I'm not trying to guilt you either.
I...
It's just, it's you, you know? It's you. It's a part of you.
It's what you're thinking and feeling.
And I want to be able to love it.
And again, it's fine if you want to go through it alone. If that's what you want, that's okay.
But if it's not, then I want the opportunity to kiss you and hold you during the process.
Boo. Who cares if it's over dumb shit? First of all, subjective. Secondly, I have full-on
wept at Apple commercials. Do you remember the one? I remember a couple years ago. It's like
this girl loses all her hard work out the window. It's this weird animated thing. She loses all her
hard work out this window. She's been working on this shit for God knows how long. She has to run
through this picturesque Christmas town, picking up the papers, and she fucking has to go to the
hospital. She's picking up the papers and she fucking hates it. She's not even proud of this
thing that she's slaved over. And then everyone who picks up a page instantly gets this look on
their face, like they've just discovered the winning lottery numbers. Like what the fuck kind
of novel was this bitch writing that you got a reaction that fast, that a random grandma can go
through two sentences and immediately just, she writes you into her will. Like why did she print
on a laptop? Who prints their disjointed shit that they fuck, they're just so disappointed in it,
only to keep it in a box in their awesome room. And how did, I don't know how she afforded that
fucking sick ass lot. Anyway, sorry. I, again, I deviated a little bit. I, I just, I had to be
hooked up to a constant supply of electrolytes. With how often that thing came on, it dried me
up like a can of Pringles. You think your dumb shit is dumber? Cause if it is, I will pry.
That's vital information to the health of our relationship. Well,
I, I mean, you know this already,
that I, I have trouble opening up. Um, and so I, I kind of get what you're saying about feeling
less manly. Um, cause I, I mean, I have, I'm friends with a lot of criers. And sometimes
I feel less feminine because I don't get as emotional as them. I've tried. I, sometimes I
can alone, but when there's other people around this wall does just goes up. And I've definitely
thought like, I just, I look like such a cold bitch in the past, you know, or like, why can't
I cry like that? Corey sees a sunset or like a herd of baby ducks and she's in, it's full tears.
And I think it can be easy to feel less than if you deviate from certain stereotypes. It depends
for every person, obviously, but, um, but you know, it, it doesn't mean anything.
Cause we're all individuals, you know, I don't think we can judge our inherent,
um, worth, especially not as men and women based off of just what, of what amounts to our personalities.
And yours is going to be different. Mine is going to be different.
I mean, am I less of a woman to you because I don't always cry at shit? Cause I ought to know
about that. That's, if that's the case, well, then there you go. I have never thought of you as being
anything other than, I don't want to say a big, strong man. Cause that sounds patronizing. What's
if I say my big, strong man? That sounds a little, also a little bit. I just, I've never thought of
you as weak or unsuited to some arbitrary societal role, but I've never thought of you as a woman.
To some arbitrary societal role because you do or do not cry. You're just you. You are what you are.
And what you are, I like.
I do. I do a lot.
I definitely get it though. It can feel, it can feel really embarrassing crying sometimes,
you know, especially in front of people. Even when you trust them, I, I don't do it often.
Even when I want to, like I said, my reactions just, they tend to naturally get tamped down.
Even if I would cry on my own, like ball my eyes out on my own, but you know, when you do it,
you know, when you do it just, it feels so good. When we first started dating,
I was still really scared of opening up.
Um, we, we hadn't had any hard times yet. Um, and things were still just totally,
you know, peach colored and starry and I felt vulnerable.
But, um, closed off and I didn't know how to let you in. I really wanted to
and I knew that I should.
But I just, I was still so freaked out at the possibility of being rejected by you, and
I was worried what you would think. It wasn't even all consciously, it was just,
just another wall that I had. And then we watched that movie. Oh, I said, I don't know. It's been
taken off Netflix. But, um, we got to the scene where the girl's mom finds her again in the rubble, and I,
I just, I couldn't hold back. And I, I didn't try to.
I didn't try to. It's funny. I, I don't think I have ever cried so hard over
something like that in front of someone before, ever, I don't think. Even my mom,
um, even as a child, I, I've always felt too vulnerable.
But I knew that you were worth it.
It was worth it to be vulnerable, to open up like that.
And, whoa, the damn, of everything that I felt about you and me, and all of my baggage regarding
this moment just flooded out. And you, you held me, and you smiled, and you gave me another piece of
pizza after I had already dehydrated myself, which, you know, didn't help, but I still ate it. So that's on my dumb ass.
You're such a stronghold for me, and sometimes I feel like I am reaching into you
to find the tools to help hold myself back.
Sometimes I feel like I am reaching into you to find the tools to help hold myself up,
and I want you to use whatever is stored inside of me to do the same, if and when you need it.
And I'm not sure what exactly I can offer, or if it's enough to do the job, but
I want you to feel free to rummage around, keeping in mind that I'm ticklish.
Rummage around, keeping in mind that I'm ticklish. I want to be the person for you that
holds you and hands you food when you're feeling vulnerable,
because everybody needs that.
And I really want to. I want to be able.
There's a place in my heart that is just for you,
and it is, it's outfitted for this ship. You just need to feel comfortable enough to utilize it.
Well sometimes you act like you didn't put in the work for it, but I promise you
I didn't begin loving you for no reason, and I love you.
I fucking love you. God. Sometimes it's a little embarrassing, but I can't even get through the
words because they just, they fill me up, and I feel them just radiating in every part of me,
and I have to just swallow it and hold my breath and stare at you.
And you've caught me doing it. I know you have. Now, now you know it's because I feel like if I
try to articulate my feelings, I'll just end up sounding like an 11-year-old boy, just voice cracks,
galore. Oh my god. Do you remember the first time that we, that we slept together?
That we slept together? Okay. God, I was afraid I was the only one.
I tried so hard to be this cool and sexy, you know, fox. I was so fucking nervous,
and then you told me that you loved me and I just short-circuited, totally gobsmacked,
wasn't expecting you to say it first, and I could tell that you would just like let it slip,
and I wasn't sure if you meant it, or if it just came out in the moment, and I just stopped and
stared, and then you apologized, and I thought, oh, he's just one of those types. That's okay.
That's right. That's fine. I can get through this after hearing a false love confession.
And golly, gee willikers, he must be embarrassed.
And then when you clarified and squeezed my arm
and said, sorry, I didn't mean to spring it on you. I just wanted you to know so badly.
I just wanted you to know so badly. Jesus, that really did a number on me.
You took me out of the game so fast with that. I almost called my mom, like,
show's over, ma. I have found it. Don't ask me what I'm doing.
I'm squeezing my hand. See, this is nice. This is what I'm talking about.
Reassurance. And now, I get so fucking emotional during sex.
Okay, well, I mean, not always, but
it's so special with you.
When we take our time with it, especially, it gives me that
vibrational energy. It's like I'm listening to ASMR and skydiving at the same time. I just,
I feel so, like, free and then swaddled at the same time, like a sexy baby.
I know. I do still try not to openly cry,
and I usually don't, but when I do, you're so accepting. You're so loving.
What else can I do but give you that in return?
Hell yeah, bring it in, sweetie.
I'm at the perfect height for it. Can you hear my heart?
Thank you for being in my life.
Thank you for sharing with me and being there for me.
And again, if you don't want to let it all out, if the thought scares you, if it's too much,
or if it's just inconvenient, if it's too difficult, I understand.
Just as long as you understand that I'm here to listen, and hold you when you do want it.
Yeah, all you have to do is ask, and it's done. I'd love for you to.
And I want you to cry, if you feel like crying, baby. There's not much manlier than owning up to your emotions.
And learning how to properly express them. It's very mature. It's fucking sexy. King of your own fucking castle. Oh, so nice.
And learning how to properly express them. It's very mature. It's fucking sexy. King of your own fucking castle. Oh, so nice.
I love you too. I love you. I've loved you for so long, and it keeps getting better.
Baby, it's okay. Let me rub your back.
Do you want more on the noggin?
You want one on the forehead?
Oh, do you want one on the lips? Alright, I didn't know you were into that kind of thing.
You want to go back in? Looks like it's gonna start raining.
Okay, want to help me down off this ledge there? Okay.
Thank you. Do I sound like a cute old man? Yay!
Alright, what do you want to do about dinner?
Uh, we can absolutely order out. I was kind of hoping you would say that.
Um, what do you want?
Oh, I could fuck with that. I super could. Although now I'm craving baked goods because of that damn commercial.
Two grub hubs. Yeah, you don't remember? The girl in the commercial was a baker.
Yeah, yeah, she was because she played with the, she, she like made her dog out of like bread dough.
I don't know. That's what I was saying. It was such a cute loft and it was huge.
I have no idea what the average baker's salary is. Feel free to sit. I'm gonna grab us some drinks.
Whatever it is, it's hopefully enough to cover the cost of caring for a sheep dog because they're prone to obesity.
And he looked pretty svelte, so I'm assuming she hires a walker.
I don't know what the cost of living was in that city either. It looked old and artsy, like historical.
It was very pretty. I would love to live somewhere like that.
The people were so nice and inviting and supportive without being creepy, you know?
You know how some people are a little bit too open and realize they're predators slash perverts?
But I trust these folks, even though one guy looked a little bit like a pedophile.
But I think he's just a nice man with a mustache who appreciates people for their talents.
And then with their reactions, she's gained enough confidence to show them the rest of her work,
which I mean, it's all just a scrambled mess in her hands at that point, but it's just so nice.
Yes. Oh, looks like we came in just in time.
Oh, don't you look cozy.
Hey, you ready for some chill? Yeah. All right. Give me a kiss.
So what'd you pull up on Hulu?
Oh, my God.
Oh, okay. I have to get back up. I gotta go get the tissues.