1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:24,160 Hey! I've been looking for you. What are you doing out here? Hello? Oh no. What's wrong? 2 00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:32,240 No, no, no, no, no. Don't look away. Come here, come here. Hey, come here. Look at me, okay? 3 00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:40,480 Baby, what happened? Are you all right? 4 00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:45,280 Is everything okay? Is everyone okay? 5 00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:58,080 Okay, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. We don't need to get into it right now. 6 00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:05,600 Just don't try to hide it from me, okay? 7 00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:11,360 Do you want to be alone? 8 00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:16,000 You can be honest. 9 00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:27,920 Okay, then I am going to make myself comfortable then. 10 00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:37,920 Oh god, this railing is fucking a little more splintery than I thought. We need to refinish this deck. 11 00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:48,960 It's so nice out. 12 00:01:58,800 --> 00:02:04,400 I don't want to pry, you know, if you're not up for talking about it. 13 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:16,640 No, I don't want to force you to get into things if you're not ready. 14 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:28,320 And if all you want to do is cry or if you want to hug, 15 00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:34,320 if you just want some time alone, anything, just let me know. 16 00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:46,320 But if you do want to cry or a hug, just find me. 17 00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:57,600 Just find me. And if you want to do it in private, away from everybody including me, 18 00:02:57,600 --> 00:03:06,320 that's fine too. Just know that I am here if you feel like opening up. 19 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:16,320 What are you apologizing for? 20 00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:26,400 Being a person, it's completely normal for everyone, every single buddy. 21 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:32,400 We're all human. We have tear ducts for a reason, you know. 22 00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:42,560 It's like skin. You got it. You ought to wear sunscreen. You ought to moisturize and cleanse 23 00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:47,120 and stay away from dimethicone because it'll make it break out. And mineral oil, sorry, I'm deviating. 24 00:03:47,120 --> 00:04:00,960 I'm just saying it would be beyond stupid of me to expect you to keep it together all the time. 25 00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:04,640 You know? 26 00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:13,200 I mean even if you miraculously only get teary once a year, which what's that like? I don't know. 27 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:18,560 It's still a legit emotion when you do feel it. 28 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:29,120 And I want you to feel comfortable expressing that. 29 00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:42,640 To be honest, it makes me feel kind of 30 00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:52,000 kind of like a shitty girlfriend if you always hide this part of yourself from me. 31 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:56,240 No, I'm not trying to make it about me. I'm sorry. I'm not trying to guilt you either. 32 00:04:59,280 --> 00:04:59,520 I... 33 00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:07,920 It's just, it's you, you know? It's you. It's a part of you. 34 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:13,120 It's what you're thinking and feeling. 35 00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:20,240 And I want to be able to love it. 36 00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:34,800 And again, it's fine if you want to go through it alone. If that's what you want, that's okay. 37 00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:48,800 But if it's not, then I want the opportunity to kiss you and hold you during the process. 38 00:05:54,160 --> 00:06:01,760 Boo. Who cares if it's over dumb shit? First of all, subjective. Secondly, I have full-on 39 00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:08,800 wept at Apple commercials. Do you remember the one? I remember a couple years ago. It's like 40 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:15,920 this girl loses all her hard work out the window. It's this weird animated thing. She loses all her 41 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:20,800 hard work out this window. She's been working on this shit for God knows how long. She has to run 42 00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:29,760 through this picturesque Christmas town, picking up the papers, and she fucking has to go to the 43 00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:34,320 hospital. She's picking up the papers and she fucking hates it. She's not even proud of this 44 00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:40,080 thing that she's slaved over. And then everyone who picks up a page instantly gets this look on 45 00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:44,640 their face, like they've just discovered the winning lottery numbers. Like what the fuck kind 46 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:50,640 of novel was this bitch writing that you got a reaction that fast, that a random grandma can go 47 00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:56,080 through two sentences and immediately just, she writes you into her will. Like why did she print 48 00:06:56,080 --> 00:07:01,760 on a laptop? Who prints their disjointed shit that they fuck, they're just so disappointed in it, 49 00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:05,920 only to keep it in a box in their awesome room. And how did, I don't know how she afforded that 50 00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:17,200 fucking sick ass lot. Anyway, sorry. I, again, I deviated a little bit. I, I just, I had to be 51 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:23,360 hooked up to a constant supply of electrolytes. With how often that thing came on, it dried me 52 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:30,880 up like a can of Pringles. You think your dumb shit is dumber? Cause if it is, I will pry. 53 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:56,960 That's vital information to the health of our relationship. Well, 54 00:07:56,960 --> 00:08:02,480 I, I mean, you know this already, 55 00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:22,080 that I, I have trouble opening up. Um, and so I, I kind of get what you're saying about feeling 56 00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:37,680 less manly. Um, cause I, I mean, I have, I'm friends with a lot of criers. And sometimes 57 00:08:37,680 --> 00:08:54,160 I feel less feminine because I don't get as emotional as them. I've tried. I, sometimes I 58 00:08:54,160 --> 00:09:11,440 can alone, but when there's other people around this wall does just goes up. And I've definitely 59 00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:17,920 thought like, I just, I look like such a cold bitch in the past, you know, or like, why can't 60 00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:24,720 I cry like that? Corey sees a sunset or like a herd of baby ducks and she's in, it's full tears. 61 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:41,680 And I think it can be easy to feel less than if you deviate from certain stereotypes. It depends 62 00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:49,600 for every person, obviously, but, um, but you know, it, it doesn't mean anything. 63 00:09:54,640 --> 00:10:06,240 Cause we're all individuals, you know, I don't think we can judge our inherent, 64 00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:14,480 um, worth, especially not as men and women based off of just what, of what amounts to our personalities. 65 00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:19,520 And yours is going to be different. Mine is going to be different. 66 00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:27,360 I mean, am I less of a woman to you because I don't always cry at shit? Cause I ought to know 67 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:39,040 about that. That's, if that's the case, well, then there you go. I have never thought of you as being 68 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:50,320 anything other than, I don't want to say a big, strong man. Cause that sounds patronizing. What's 69 00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:58,800 if I say my big, strong man? That sounds a little, also a little bit. I just, I've never thought of 70 00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:10,960 you as weak or unsuited to some arbitrary societal role, but I've never thought of you as a woman. 71 00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:27,920 To some arbitrary societal role because you do or do not cry. You're just you. You are what you are. 72 00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:31,600 And what you are, I like. 73 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:39,920 I do. I do a lot. 74 00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:57,840 I definitely get it though. It can feel, it can feel really embarrassing crying sometimes, 75 00:11:57,840 --> 00:12:06,960 you know, especially in front of people. Even when you trust them, I, I don't do it often. 76 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:15,840 Even when I want to, like I said, my reactions just, they tend to naturally get tamped down. 77 00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:25,280 Even if I would cry on my own, like ball my eyes out on my own, but you know, when you do it, 78 00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:34,960 you know, when you do it just, it feels so good. When we first started dating, 79 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:42,560 I was still really scared of opening up. 80 00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:58,240 Um, we, we hadn't had any hard times yet. Um, and things were still just totally, 81 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:06,640 you know, peach colored and starry and I felt vulnerable. 82 00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:20,960 But, um, closed off and I didn't know how to let you in. I really wanted to 83 00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:26,960 and I knew that I should. 84 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:42,560 But I just, I was still so freaked out at the possibility of being rejected by you, and 85 00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:54,000 I was worried what you would think. It wasn't even all consciously, it was just, 86 00:13:55,440 --> 00:14:05,360 just another wall that I had. And then we watched that movie. Oh, I said, I don't know. It's been 87 00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:26,480 taken off Netflix. But, um, we got to the scene where the girl's mom finds her again in the rubble, and I, 88 00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:42,640 I just, I couldn't hold back. And I, I didn't try to. 89 00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:57,920 I didn't try to. It's funny. I, I don't think I have ever cried so hard over 90 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:10,560 something like that in front of someone before, ever, I don't think. Even my mom, 91 00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:18,560 um, even as a child, I, I've always felt too vulnerable. 92 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:25,760 But I knew that you were worth it. 93 00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:35,840 It was worth it to be vulnerable, to open up like that. 94 00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:49,360 And, whoa, the damn, of everything that I felt about you and me, and all of my baggage regarding 95 00:15:49,360 --> 00:16:04,400 this moment just flooded out. And you, you held me, and you smiled, and you gave me another piece of 96 00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:21,680 pizza after I had already dehydrated myself, which, you know, didn't help, but I still ate it. So that's on my dumb ass. 97 00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:31,520 You're such a stronghold for me, and sometimes I feel like I am reaching into you 98 00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:39,600 to find the tools to help hold myself back. 99 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:52,480 Sometimes I feel like I am reaching into you to find the tools to help hold myself up, 100 00:16:52,480 --> 00:17:00,560 and I want you to use whatever is stored inside of me to do the same, if and when you need it. 101 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:06,800 And I'm not sure what exactly I can offer, or if it's enough to do the job, but 102 00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:19,200 I want you to feel free to rummage around, keeping in mind that I'm ticklish. 103 00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:30,640 Rummage around, keeping in mind that I'm ticklish. I want to be the person for you that 104 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:38,160 holds you and hands you food when you're feeling vulnerable, 105 00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:43,520 because everybody needs that. 106 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:52,880 And I really want to. I want to be able. 107 00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:02,640 There's a place in my heart that is just for you, 108 00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:12,960 and it is, it's outfitted for this ship. You just need to feel comfortable enough to utilize it. 109 00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:28,800 Well sometimes you act like you didn't put in the work for it, but I promise you 110 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:37,120 I didn't begin loving you for no reason, and I love you. 111 00:18:39,120 --> 00:18:52,400 I fucking love you. God. Sometimes it's a little embarrassing, but I can't even get through the 112 00:18:52,400 --> 00:19:06,640 words because they just, they fill me up, and I feel them just radiating in every part of me, 113 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:15,280 and I have to just swallow it and hold my breath and stare at you. 114 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:25,440 And you've caught me doing it. I know you have. Now, now you know it's because I feel like if I 115 00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:32,640 try to articulate my feelings, I'll just end up sounding like an 11-year-old boy, just voice cracks, 116 00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:43,040 galore. Oh my god. Do you remember the first time that we, that we slept together? 117 00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:51,760 That we slept together? Okay. God, I was afraid I was the only one. 118 00:19:54,800 --> 00:20:06,720 I tried so hard to be this cool and sexy, you know, fox. I was so fucking nervous, 119 00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:23,520 and then you told me that you loved me and I just short-circuited, totally gobsmacked, 120 00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:28,880 wasn't expecting you to say it first, and I could tell that you would just like let it slip, 121 00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:37,200 and I wasn't sure if you meant it, or if it just came out in the moment, and I just stopped and 122 00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:49,440 stared, and then you apologized, and I thought, oh, he's just one of those types. That's okay. 123 00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:57,600 That's right. That's fine. I can get through this after hearing a false love confession. 124 00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:03,440 And golly, gee willikers, he must be embarrassed. 125 00:21:07,360 --> 00:21:16,160 And then when you clarified and squeezed my arm 126 00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:26,000 and said, sorry, I didn't mean to spring it on you. I just wanted you to know so badly. 127 00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:44,480 I just wanted you to know so badly. Jesus, that really did a number on me. 128 00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:52,080 You took me out of the game so fast with that. I almost called my mom, like, 129 00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:56,640 show's over, ma. I have found it. Don't ask me what I'm doing. 130 00:21:56,640 --> 00:22:16,080 I'm squeezing my hand. See, this is nice. This is what I'm talking about. 131 00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:33,120 Reassurance. And now, I get so fucking emotional during sex. 132 00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:38,240 Okay, well, I mean, not always, but 133 00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:45,600 it's so special with you. 134 00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:53,680 When we take our time with it, especially, it gives me that 135 00:22:55,520 --> 00:23:05,600 vibrational energy. It's like I'm listening to ASMR and skydiving at the same time. I just, 136 00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:23,360 I feel so, like, free and then swaddled at the same time, like a sexy baby. 137 00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:35,840 I know. I do still try not to openly cry, 138 00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:47,120 and I usually don't, but when I do, you're so accepting. You're so loving. 139 00:23:47,120 --> 00:23:52,960 What else can I do but give you that in return? 140 00:23:59,360 --> 00:24:01,600 Hell yeah, bring it in, sweetie. 141 00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:19,120 I'm at the perfect height for it. Can you hear my heart? 142 00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:55,760 Thank you for being in my life. 143 00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:07,760 Thank you for sharing with me and being there for me. 144 00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:28,400 And again, if you don't want to let it all out, if the thought scares you, if it's too much, 145 00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:33,920 or if it's just inconvenient, if it's too difficult, I understand. 146 00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:50,320 Just as long as you understand that I'm here to listen, and hold you when you do want it. 147 00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:59,680 Yeah, all you have to do is ask, and it's done. I'd love for you to. 148 00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:18,640 And I want you to cry, if you feel like crying, baby. There's not much manlier than owning up to your emotions. 149 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:31,200 And learning how to properly express them. It's very mature. It's fucking sexy. King of your own fucking castle. Oh, so nice. 150 00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:43,280 And learning how to properly express them. It's very mature. It's fucking sexy. King of your own fucking castle. Oh, so nice. 151 00:26:43,280 --> 00:27:06,240 I love you too. I love you. I've loved you for so long, and it keeps getting better. 152 00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:24,240 Baby, it's okay. Let me rub your back. 153 00:27:43,280 --> 00:28:12,240 Do you want more on the noggin? 154 00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:21,600 You want one on the forehead? 155 00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:35,200 Oh, do you want one on the lips? Alright, I didn't know you were into that kind of thing. 156 00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:45,920 You want to go back in? Looks like it's gonna start raining. 157 00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:54,160 Okay, want to help me down off this ledge there? Okay. 158 00:28:54,160 --> 00:29:01,760 Thank you. Do I sound like a cute old man? Yay! 159 00:29:01,760 --> 00:29:07,840 Alright, what do you want to do about dinner? 160 00:29:07,840 --> 00:29:14,080 Uh, we can absolutely order out. I was kind of hoping you would say that. 161 00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:18,480 Um, what do you want? 162 00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:26,240 Oh, I could fuck with that. I super could. Although now I'm craving baked goods because of that damn commercial. 163 00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:34,880 Two grub hubs. Yeah, you don't remember? The girl in the commercial was a baker. 164 00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:44,320 Yeah, yeah, she was because she played with the, she, she like made her dog out of like bread dough. 165 00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:50,320 I don't know. That's what I was saying. It was such a cute loft and it was huge. 166 00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:55,280 I have no idea what the average baker's salary is. Feel free to sit. I'm gonna grab us some drinks. 167 00:29:55,280 --> 00:30:00,720 Whatever it is, it's hopefully enough to cover the cost of caring for a sheep dog because they're prone to obesity. 168 00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:04,240 And he looked pretty svelte, so I'm assuming she hires a walker. 169 00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:08,560 I don't know what the cost of living was in that city either. It looked old and artsy, like historical. 170 00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:11,120 It was very pretty. I would love to live somewhere like that. 171 00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:16,720 The people were so nice and inviting and supportive without being creepy, you know? 172 00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:21,360 You know how some people are a little bit too open and realize they're predators slash perverts? 173 00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:25,360 But I trust these folks, even though one guy looked a little bit like a pedophile. 174 00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:30,480 But I think he's just a nice man with a mustache who appreciates people for their talents. 175 00:30:30,480 --> 00:30:35,280 And then with their reactions, she's gained enough confidence to show them the rest of her work, 176 00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:41,040 which I mean, it's all just a scrambled mess in her hands at that point, but it's just so nice. 177 00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:51,760 Yes. Oh, looks like we came in just in time. 178 00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:57,200 Oh, don't you look cozy. 179 00:30:57,200 --> 00:31:08,080 Hey, you ready for some chill? Yeah. All right. Give me a kiss. 180 00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:21,680 So what'd you pull up on Hulu? 181 00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:25,360 Oh, my God. 182 00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:50,240 Oh, okay. I have to get back up. I gotta go get the tissues.