1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:12,800 Well, that's great. 2 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:13,800 That's great. 3 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:14,800 He's not answering my call. 4 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:17,420 I don't know what this guy's problem is. 5 00:00:17,420 --> 00:00:21,800 When you work for Lyft, you should be able to, like, take a message, right? 6 00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:24,080 Because this guy is late. 7 00:00:24,080 --> 00:00:26,180 Has been late. 8 00:00:26,180 --> 00:00:33,720 And I do not want to miss the opening act. 9 00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:35,880 I haven't been out in so long. 10 00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:38,880 Oh my god. 11 00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:42,000 I haven't been out to a concert in... 12 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:46,320 Oh my god. 13 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:50,920 I don't even know with everything that's been happening just in my life over the past couple 14 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:51,920 years. 15 00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:52,920 I don't remember. 16 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:56,960 This is ridiculous. 17 00:00:56,960 --> 00:01:03,200 It took me so long to get ready for this, too. 18 00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:06,480 Oh, you do like my hair? 19 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:07,480 Well, thank you. 20 00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:08,600 I would hope that someone did. 21 00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:11,760 Do you know how long it took me to do this hair? 22 00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:14,360 Because I got through half a season of Always Sunny. 23 00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:15,960 It's not just hair, by the way. 24 00:01:15,960 --> 00:01:19,280 It is also, as you'll notice, makeup. 25 00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:20,280 I have shaved. 26 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:22,480 I've shaved everything, okay? 27 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:23,480 I am... 28 00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:28,920 And by the way, my body is covered head to toe in a fine sheen of cocoa butter, alright? 29 00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:34,160 I am slick, I am soft, and I want to go to this concert, alright? 30 00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:40,720 I didn't porpoise myself up to just sit here on my couch waiting for some asshole to tell 31 00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:45,800 me if he's close or if his phone is just messed up and he hasn't actually been sitting at 32 00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:54,200 a stoplight half an hour away for the past 15 minutes. 33 00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:55,200 I know, I know, I know. 34 00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:56,200 I'm sorry. 35 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,960 I shouldn't freak out. 36 00:01:57,960 --> 00:01:58,960 It's fine. 37 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:00,120 I don't even really care about the opening act. 38 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,120 I just... 39 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:06,720 I want to get a good spot near the front because I've been to this revenue so many times and 40 00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:07,800 I know it. 41 00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:12,240 It is old, it's rickety, it's tightly packed, alright? 42 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:13,720 And it gets sweaty in there. 43 00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:15,240 It is like a sauna. 44 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:20,680 And if sweat is pouring down my face, if I am drawnched, if my liner is leaking into 45 00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:25,560 my eyes, I would like, at the very least, a good look at the band before my vision goes 46 00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:26,560 blurry. 47 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:27,560 Whew. 48 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:28,560 It's fine. 49 00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:29,560 It's fine. 50 00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:30,560 Yeah? 51 00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:31,560 Haven't you been there? 52 00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:37,600 Oh dude, it's actually pretty sick. 53 00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:38,600 So it's... 54 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:43,520 They say it's haunted, which all the best venues I think are. 55 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:47,400 Personally, I don't know if I would want to go to a venue, an old venue that isn't haunted. 56 00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:50,880 I feel like that's kind of half of what I'm paying for in the first place, or at the very 57 00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:53,800 least like a quarter. 58 00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:56,320 But I went there so much growing up. 59 00:02:56,320 --> 00:03:06,960 I saw, just off the top of my head, Birthday Massacre, Oral Vampire, Peter Murphy, I saw 60 00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:17,000 the Decembrists there, I saw Emily Autumn, and oh, and I saw Black Veil Brides there. 61 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:21,320 I think they were an opener, and I hadn't heard of them before, and my friends all made 62 00:03:21,320 --> 00:03:26,560 fun of me for the rest of the night, and the rest of the school year, because I'm sorry 63 00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:31,480 that I find men in tight pants and eyeliner attractive, alright? 64 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:32,480 What can I say? 65 00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:35,480 I'm my mother's daughter. 66 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:40,520 Alright, well, if we're just going to be sitting around here, I'm going to clean up a little 67 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:41,520 bit. 68 00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:44,520 Okay, here, I'm going to scooch past you. 69 00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:47,520 Sorry about that. 70 00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:48,520 Okay. 71 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:51,520 Are you done with this? 72 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:54,520 Alright, thank you. 73 00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:55,520 What? 74 00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:58,040 Oh, are you kidding me? 75 00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:00,600 Oh, well that's fantastic, that's really good. 76 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:02,960 I just bought these tights, and now there's... 77 00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:03,960 How big is it? 78 00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:05,680 How big is the run? 79 00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:08,800 Oh my God, I feel it. 80 00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:16,240 Oh my God, that goes like all the way down my leg, where does that even start? 81 00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:20,480 Like at my ass, well, that's great. 82 00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:22,960 That makes me feel real confident. 83 00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:31,040 Okay, man, these were expensive. 84 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:32,040 That's what I get. 85 00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:33,920 Normally, that's what I get for not shopping on Wish. 86 00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:36,520 I could have gotten these for like $169. 87 00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:37,520 I paid... 88 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:38,520 What did I get these for? 89 00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:42,880 I think I spent like 20 bucks on these, 20 bucks for tights. 90 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:47,480 I don't know what that means to you, but it's insanity, no matter who it's coming out of, 91 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:53,520 unless you're like a professional dancer, or like an old fashioned secretary, or an 92 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:55,120 old woman. 93 00:04:55,120 --> 00:05:01,760 Oh, okay, well, fuck. 94 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:05,800 Normally, I would just kind of take them off and try again. 95 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:10,000 All my tights are in the wash, though. 96 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:13,480 I got mustard all over my other cute pair, god damn it. 97 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:16,840 Can you help me patch it? 98 00:05:16,840 --> 00:05:20,760 I need hairspray, no, I'm out of that. 99 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:22,760 I need clear polish. 100 00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:27,760 Okay, hold on. 101 00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:40,680 Okay, all right, so let me feel where this is again. 102 00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:41,680 Hold on. 103 00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:45,680 I might be able to do it myself. 104 00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:46,680 Nope. 105 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:49,160 No, I'm going to need your help. 106 00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:50,560 I am enlisting you now. 107 00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:52,760 Thank you for your service. 108 00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:56,040 Okay, so it's real simple. 109 00:05:56,040 --> 00:05:59,800 You just need to go over the run with the polish, okay? 110 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:00,800 And that's it. 111 00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:05,520 And then I'll just, I don't know, dry it somehow really quick. 112 00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:13,720 This isn't fast acting dry, so hopefully the Uber continues to be late enough for this 113 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:16,720 to work. 114 00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:17,720 But you know what? 115 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:22,640 If it gets over his seat, isn't that kind of what it gets? 116 00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:30,240 Okay, there you go. 117 00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:33,120 Oh, well, you can start here. 118 00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:34,120 Start at the bottom. 119 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:35,120 Where is that? 120 00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:36,120 Like mid calf? 121 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:37,120 Yeah, just start right there. 122 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:40,080 I don't know, it might go even further down. 123 00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:41,880 It might be all the way under my boot. 124 00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:47,560 Well, you can just start where you are. 125 00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:56,120 Sorry, it tickles. 126 00:06:56,120 --> 00:07:07,920 Oh, yeah, it's so... 127 00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:08,920 The way it works. 128 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:11,600 Sorry, I'm trying to compose myself. 129 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:16,040 I'm more ticklish than I realized, I guess. 130 00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:19,880 Yeah, it just kind of... 131 00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:24,120 It puts just kind of a protective layer on top so that it doesn't... 132 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:26,120 The fibers don't split anymore. 133 00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:38,480 The nylon doesn't get a chance to dick me over in quite as many patterns. 134 00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:51,720 It's weird because it's hot in here, but the polish is chilly. 135 00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:59,920 You can use hairspray, but I'm pretty sure I used the last that was in the can. 136 00:07:59,920 --> 00:08:03,200 Like I said, half a season of always sunny. 137 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:05,840 Oh, the 11th. 138 00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:06,840 It's one of my favorites. 139 00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:13,600 If I wasn't a big fan of 10, 11 really hit me in the juices. 140 00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:17,000 Thank you. 141 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:24,800 Yeah, well, you know, fucking better look good, right? 142 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:25,800 You look pretty good too, by the way. 143 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:31,200 I don't know if I said that when you came in. 144 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:32,200 You're dressed to impress. 145 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:35,200 I like what you do with your hair. 146 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:42,800 I don't even think you changed that much, right? 147 00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:45,880 You always kind of look... 148 00:08:45,880 --> 00:08:47,320 Anyway. 149 00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:51,680 Yeah, just it goes a little bit further up here. 150 00:08:51,680 --> 00:08:58,840 I can pull up my skirt a little bit. 151 00:08:58,840 --> 00:08:59,840 Right? 152 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:00,840 I don't know. 153 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:03,840 I'm just feeling you have eyes. 154 00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:13,000 Speaking of, what were you doing eyeing the back of my gams so intensely that you noticed 155 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:16,000 a little tear? 156 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:24,920 Well, I suppose they were kind of in your face, but a true gentleman would avert his 157 00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:25,920 eyes. 158 00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:26,920 Don't you think? 159 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:40,800 That's high, that's high up there. 160 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:49,520 No, it's like I said, I'm just, I'm sensitive skin and it's weirdly cold. 161 00:09:49,520 --> 00:10:03,280 I was probably sitting by a vent, I don't know. 162 00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:04,280 Does it go higher? 163 00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:11,280 Yeah, go up as high as you need to go. 164 00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:25,160 You're helping me out, I'm not going to complain. 165 00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:26,160 Is that it? 166 00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:27,160 Oh. 167 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:28,160 Okay. 168 00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:29,160 Thank you. 169 00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:30,160 Oh, it's still wet. 170 00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:31,160 Shit, I almost touched it. 171 00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:32,160 Yeah, blowing on it would help. 172 00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:51,160 Okay, yeah, that is, that's what you do. 173 00:10:51,160 --> 00:11:06,040 It's still kind of tickles. 174 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:20,920 Sorry, did I make a weird noise? 175 00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:26,280 It's just a weird sensation, that's all. 176 00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:29,280 So are you done? 177 00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:30,280 Yeah. 178 00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:31,280 Thanks. 179 00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:32,280 I appreciate it. 180 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:41,560 Me and my wallet, I appreciate it. 181 00:11:41,560 --> 00:11:44,560 You're a fine handyman. 182 00:11:44,560 --> 00:12:00,280 Okay, well, the Uber will be here in two minutes. 183 00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:05,200 That was a sort of a time jump, wasn't it? 184 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:06,600 Okay. 185 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:14,360 Well, I guess we'll see how well the polish holds up. 186 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:19,880 Two minutes isn't very long. 187 00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:22,880 Could you blow on it again? 188 00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:23,880 Yeah. 189 00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:26,880 Just to be safe. 190 00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:27,880 Wow. 191 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:50,600 I am definitely looking forward to the rest of the night.