Hello, GWA Backstage. I'm kind of not feeling well today, so like if my voice is weird or I cough and stuff forgive me
I
Needed to babble about something deeply like upsetting me lately and whatnot
So
What I
Want to discuss
basically, and I've made requests about this in GWA, and I've got some very lovely fills for it, but
that's besides the point I
Physically am pretty much incapable of vaginal penetration
and
as a
woman for me it is
incredibly
discouraging
when I hear masked audios from other ladies and other pink tag users on GWA I
You know I noticed that a lot of them tend to do vaginal stuff while they masturbate
It's like oh, I want to experience that too
You know, but I physically am just incapable of it no matter how lubed up
I am no matter how aroused. I am it just doesn't happen and quite often
After masturbating I sometimes have nights where I just cry myself to sleep because I feel so
Broken and undeserving of intimacy, and it's really tough
And I
Get especially discouraged listening to SI's
Because a lot of the people who make SI things kind of assume like oh
you know you're gonna put your fingers inside and it's just kind of like I wish there were more SI's that would accommodate people that
actually physically can't do that you know and
With like I can do anal stuff, but it takes a while because I have to be totally relaxed
You have to use a shit ton of lube. You know
There's a lot to it
and
For me, it's just it sucks so bad
It just sucks so bad because it's like
Biology dictates that
my
vulva, you know has that whole vagina thing going on with it, right?
biology dictates that my vagina is made to
To be penetrated so that I can have a baby right like that's what biology says of course naturally
that's not the only way to enjoy it and
there's a lot to it, but it's like
to know that I can't even put a finger in and like have my
Vaginal area be used the way that nature intended. Do you understand like how disheartening and like fucking?
Discouraging as all hell that is it is the worst feeling that there is out there
I'm sure that
you know, it's probably silly of me to despair over this the way that I do, but
Oftentimes after I listen to an SI or I listen to other masked audios or
Even after listening to like request fills that I've gotten for my whole
audios for
For people that it don't do vaginal or can't do vaginal and stuff
Um, I just sit there and one of the thoughts that immediately comes to my mind is so because I can't do vaginal
Does this mean that I'm gonna live a life where the only sex I'll have is mutual masturbation and oral sex
Is that it you know cuz and I suppose I could do anal sex. Yeah, I guess that's another one, but it's like I
Would hate to be an inconvenience to anybody sleeping with me in the future
I would fucking hate it if you know, they had to deal with the fact that you know
Oh, if you want to put it in my pussy, you actually physically can't do that
I'm sorry, you know that you know, it sucks to be you because whenever I try to put stuff in it's painful. I
Wimper a lot and it's not in an attractive way. It's in a holy shit. This is really painful
I'm going to stop I
Can't even get a fucking pinky in without immediately needing to pull out like maybe
Ten or so seconds after and I fucking hate it because it's like I keep in mind by this point
I've already had a shit ton of orgasms. I've come a lot
I'm already really wet including the fucking lube that I use in addition to that
And it's like why do I have to be so broken? Why can't I use my body?
properly, why can't I
do these things like
when I
See challenges like masturbation challenges for women on GWA. I get excited but then almost
Fucking always there's vaginal as a part of the fucking requirements and it makes me so upset. It's just like if
I
Could use my body properly if I could put things inside of my vagina
Maybe my life would be a little easier. Maybe I could actually do these things for GWA these fun little
masturbation fucking challenges
and you know
I could actually enjoy si's more and I could actually enjoy a lot of the male for female audios a lot of the time
I fucking can't because there's always stuff about tight pussies and stuff and
Well, you're not getting in my fucking pussy and I know with audios the sky's the limit
You can imagine anything you want
But to imagine a time where I can have my pussy fucked is like imagining an impossible future for me
And I hate it and I'm sorry that I'm being so negative. It's just
I'm tired of feeling inadequate as a woman because I can't use my bits the way nature intended
I know that a lot of people can't get off just vaginally. I understand this but it's like I
Always get off clitorally personally, but because I've never had vaginal experience, you know
And it's like I want to know what it feels like. I want to know what it feels like inside
I want to feel it like clamping down an orgasm around my finger. I want to feel these things
I want to experience these things
But I can't I literally cannot and right now it's very tough for me to see a doctor because of you know
personal reasons I won't disclose here fuck that but like
I'm just
I'm always lately fucking despairing over this and I hate it
I vent to close friends about it and they don't even know what to do. They just kind of go
I'm sorry, you know, and they try to comfort me, but
it's just discouraging as hell and I
don't know I probably sound like an emo bitch, but it's like
as somebody who
Just physically cannot do
Vaginal things whatsoever. I just you know and with the depression and despair that that brings with me a lot of the time
I just need to get it out there somehow and I think this is the best way for me to get it out there. I
Feel broken a lot of the time
I feel like
Once I start getting intimate with people that even if I'm having oral sex or anal sex that it's not
Real sex at all, even though they have sex in the title. So you would think it would be real sex, right?
it's just like
Oh my god, it's so upsetting. I just hate it. I
Honestly, like I'm happy like I have a pretty mixed body image
I like the way my figure looks and stuff like that
But when it comes to the vaginal stuff, oh my god, like if you ask me like do you love your body and stuff?
I'd say fuck no. I'm like, I'm just a living
Disgusting heap of flush and organs. Why would you want to fuck me?
Like it's that bad and I hate it because it's like no one should measure their worth over their fucking private parts, you know
We you know
It's silly to do that, isn't it?
but
when there's so many fucking people in GWA that can do all these fun like
Squirting audios and can do all these really neat little masturbation challenges or even the machine fuck thing
I've been wanting to do that for so long, but I can't
at all and
I'm sure I could do it anally
But like I said anal takes a lot of prep and stuff and given my living situation
I don't have like a shit ton of privacy. So it's not something I can do very often. I'm gonna be quite honest
It's also why I don't record as often as I used to
but it's like I
Hate feeling like
When I
You know make requests for audios for this kind of thing. I hate feeling like it's almost as if I'm asking everybody
Hey, you can't have real sex with me, but you can make compromises and make me come and like make me like
You know and have me be like a selfish bitch. Thanks
that's how I feel making these requests and
It's also how I feel a lot of the time when I think about like
Just in general like it feels like any sex I have in the future is just going to be a compromise like
You can't put it in my pussy, but you can fuck my thighs
Although that does sound very hot and I would love that
It's just like I hate to feel like I'm gonna live a life
Where there's like no sex like no like vaginal sex at least
Because that's what society deemed as sex. That's what a lot of audios on GWA deemed sex as it's what I fucking notice
And yes, I'm kind of angry because it's like I hate feeling like I
Hate feeling like what I'll experience because I can't do vaginal stuff
I hate to think for a moment that what I'll be doing isn't genuine sex
I hate to think for a moment that you know because I can't do vaginal that suddenly
It's just like oh, you know you're getting down and intimate with somebody you better classify it as some other type of sex
Because it's clearly not real sex
I hate it. Maybe this is just my own like negativity spilling in like I
Still have a few hang-ups about what society says about sex and aspects of sex being acceptable and unacceptable and stuff
but
When you're a person that lives with the issue where they cannot
Penetrate themselves, and they cannot
Like even get a fucking finger in they can't do jack shit
It is devastating. It's heartbreaking
It makes you feel like you're fucking just not made for sex
It makes you feel like you're an individual that just is made for like affection and cuddles or whatever else
But you know you'll never have real sex because you know you can't do that
Your body is deemed. You know nature is deemed that your body is broken
That's how it feels. That's how it fucking feels
for me anyway and
I hate it. I fucking hate it. I hate that I have to feel this way about my own body
you know
I just wish that
There was something I could do to feel more positive about myself in the meantime before I see a doctor about this
I wish there was something I could do to feel more positive about myself in the meantime before I see a doctor about this
I wish there was something I could do to feel more accepting towards the fact that yeah
I can't do vaginal, but that doesn't mean insert sentimental thought here. You know
I'm just really discouraged, and I just needed to get this out there
Because it's a thought that's been bothering me a lot lately you know
When I watch porn amateur or professional although mainly amateur because you know professionals ham it up
They fucking ham it up. They're like horror extras, but they're horror extras anyway bad pun aside
And besides that was kind of rude of me um when it comes down to it
I see all these amateurs
Getting their pussies fucked
Watching that dick or dildo or whatever go in there
For most people it's like
Oh, you want something you want me to put something in my uh in my vagina, okay?
For me it's like you want me to you know you want me to you know stick something inside of myself, okay?
Let me put it in my ass
I just can't do vaginal and it hurts
I hate thinking that I'm broken. I hate thinking that there's something wrong with me
Because of what I can't do
It's such a fundamental part of a lot of si's
It's such a huge thing in a lot of other massed audios. I compare myself to people on gwa way too much
When I hear
Pink tag users getting off
Like with their like vaginal penetration things I get really jealous and really upset because it's like I wish I could experience that
I want to feel
Things vaginally I want to experience that but I never will so what's the point in desiring that?
And then I proceed to be an emo little bitch
I've had friends tell me that I'm making a big deal out of nothing by worrying about this
I don't think that's necessarily true
Like I can see what they're trying to say
But it feels really disheartening
and it
You can never really truly understand what it feels like unless you experience it yourself
I think that could be said about a lot of things in life
But it definitely feels that way with this as well
I don't know where I'm going with this
But I just needed to share my thoughts and feelings about
My lack of ability to do vaginal penetration and stuff. You don't necessarily have to respond to this
But I thought it might be kind of interesting maybe to see how it feels from the perspective of somebody that actually can't do these things
like how it feels to be somebody like with this difficulty and like
My feelings on it and stuff like my feelings about my lack of ability and whatnot
I don't know
Plus, I don't know
I just needed to get it out there. It's been bugging me. It's been annoying me. So
um
Thank you for listening to my depressed rambles and sorry if I made you like upset or like made you feel bad or anything like that
I'm sorry
Um, because I didn't intend to I just needed to get my feelings out there. That's all