1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:06,880 Hello, GWA Backstage. I'm kind of not feeling well today, so like if my voice is weird or I cough and stuff forgive me 2 00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:09,280 I 3 00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:15,540 Needed to babble about something deeply like upsetting me lately and whatnot 4 00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:20,160 So 5 00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:25,320 What I 6 00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:27,560 Want to discuss 7 00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:34,880 basically, and I've made requests about this in GWA, and I've got some very lovely fills for it, but 8 00:00:35,480 --> 00:00:37,480 that's besides the point I 9 00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:44,800 Physically am pretty much incapable of vaginal penetration 10 00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:48,240 and 11 00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:51,120 as a 12 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:54,040 woman for me it is 13 00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:56,040 incredibly 14 00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:58,080 discouraging 15 00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:05,200 when I hear masked audios from other ladies and other pink tag users on GWA I 16 00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:11,480 You know I noticed that a lot of them tend to do vaginal stuff while they masturbate 17 00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:13,560 It's like oh, I want to experience that too 18 00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:18,920 You know, but I physically am just incapable of it no matter how lubed up 19 00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:24,760 I am no matter how aroused. I am it just doesn't happen and quite often 20 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:31,200 After masturbating I sometimes have nights where I just cry myself to sleep because I feel so 21 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:35,480 Broken and undeserving of intimacy, and it's really tough 22 00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:39,840 And I 23 00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:42,560 Get especially discouraged listening to SI's 24 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:48,640 Because a lot of the people who make SI things kind of assume like oh 25 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:55,200 you know you're gonna put your fingers inside and it's just kind of like I wish there were more SI's that would accommodate people that 26 00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:57,960 actually physically can't do that you know and 27 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:06,120 With like I can do anal stuff, but it takes a while because I have to be totally relaxed 28 00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:08,120 You have to use a shit ton of lube. You know 29 00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:10,760 There's a lot to it 30 00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:12,760 and 31 00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:17,040 For me, it's just it sucks so bad 32 00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:22,080 It just sucks so bad because it's like 33 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:26,000 Biology dictates that 34 00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:27,920 my 35 00:02:27,920 --> 00:02:31,360 vulva, you know has that whole vagina thing going on with it, right? 36 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:36,080 biology dictates that my vagina is made to 37 00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:43,720 To be penetrated so that I can have a baby right like that's what biology says of course naturally 38 00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:47,680 that's not the only way to enjoy it and 39 00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:50,440 there's a lot to it, but it's like 40 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:55,160 to know that I can't even put a finger in and like have my 41 00:02:55,920 --> 00:03:02,240 Vaginal area be used the way that nature intended. Do you understand like how disheartening and like fucking? 42 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:06,720 Discouraging as all hell that is it is the worst feeling that there is out there 43 00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:09,520 I'm sure that 44 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:15,580 you know, it's probably silly of me to despair over this the way that I do, but 45 00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:23,880 Oftentimes after I listen to an SI or I listen to other masked audios or 46 00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:29,000 Even after listening to like request fills that I've gotten for my whole 47 00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:31,120 audios for 48 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:34,240 For people that it don't do vaginal or can't do vaginal and stuff 49 00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:41,400 Um, I just sit there and one of the thoughts that immediately comes to my mind is so because I can't do vaginal 50 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:46,880 Does this mean that I'm gonna live a life where the only sex I'll have is mutual masturbation and oral sex 51 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:55,320 Is that it you know cuz and I suppose I could do anal sex. Yeah, I guess that's another one, but it's like I 52 00:03:55,320 --> 00:04:00,640 Would hate to be an inconvenience to anybody sleeping with me in the future 53 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:05,320 I would fucking hate it if you know, they had to deal with the fact that you know 54 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:08,560 Oh, if you want to put it in my pussy, you actually physically can't do that 55 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:14,400 I'm sorry, you know that you know, it sucks to be you because whenever I try to put stuff in it's painful. I 56 00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:19,720 Wimper a lot and it's not in an attractive way. It's in a holy shit. This is really painful 57 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:21,440 I'm going to stop I 58 00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:25,840 Can't even get a fucking pinky in without immediately needing to pull out like maybe 59 00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:32,880 Ten or so seconds after and I fucking hate it because it's like I keep in mind by this point 60 00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:35,840 I've already had a shit ton of orgasms. I've come a lot 61 00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:40,040 I'm already really wet including the fucking lube that I use in addition to that 62 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:45,760 And it's like why do I have to be so broken? Why can't I use my body? 63 00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:48,680 properly, why can't I 64 00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:50,920 do these things like 65 00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:52,800 when I 66 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:58,920 See challenges like masturbation challenges for women on GWA. I get excited but then almost 67 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:06,840 Fucking always there's vaginal as a part of the fucking requirements and it makes me so upset. It's just like if 68 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:08,520 I 69 00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:13,200 Could use my body properly if I could put things inside of my vagina 70 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:18,640 Maybe my life would be a little easier. Maybe I could actually do these things for GWA these fun little 71 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:20,880 masturbation fucking challenges 72 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:21,840 and you know 73 00:05:21,840 --> 00:05:28,960 I could actually enjoy si's more and I could actually enjoy a lot of the male for female audios a lot of the time 74 00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:32,400 I fucking can't because there's always stuff about tight pussies and stuff and 75 00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:37,600 Well, you're not getting in my fucking pussy and I know with audios the sky's the limit 76 00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:39,280 You can imagine anything you want 77 00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:45,760 But to imagine a time where I can have my pussy fucked is like imagining an impossible future for me 78 00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:48,960 And I hate it and I'm sorry that I'm being so negative. It's just 79 00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:56,960 I'm tired of feeling inadequate as a woman because I can't use my bits the way nature intended 80 00:05:56,960 --> 00:06:04,040 I know that a lot of people can't get off just vaginally. I understand this but it's like I 81 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:10,720 Always get off clitorally personally, but because I've never had vaginal experience, you know 82 00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:16,200 And it's like I want to know what it feels like. I want to know what it feels like inside 83 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:22,280 I want to feel it like clamping down an orgasm around my finger. I want to feel these things 84 00:06:22,280 --> 00:06:24,280 I want to experience these things 85 00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:31,800 But I can't I literally cannot and right now it's very tough for me to see a doctor because of you know 86 00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:35,280 personal reasons I won't disclose here fuck that but like 87 00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:37,920 I'm just 88 00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:42,600 I'm always lately fucking despairing over this and I hate it 89 00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:46,200 I vent to close friends about it and they don't even know what to do. They just kind of go 90 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:48,720 I'm sorry, you know, and they try to comfort me, but 91 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:52,640 it's just discouraging as hell and I 92 00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:57,160 don't know I probably sound like an emo bitch, but it's like 93 00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:00,200 as somebody who 94 00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:02,200 Just physically cannot do 95 00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:09,280 Vaginal things whatsoever. I just you know and with the depression and despair that that brings with me a lot of the time 96 00:07:09,280 --> 00:07:14,600 I just need to get it out there somehow and I think this is the best way for me to get it out there. I 97 00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:17,000 Feel broken a lot of the time 98 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,160 I feel like 99 00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:23,160 Once I start getting intimate with people that even if I'm having oral sex or anal sex that it's not 100 00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:28,640 Real sex at all, even though they have sex in the title. So you would think it would be real sex, right? 101 00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:31,120 it's just like 102 00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:34,200 Oh my god, it's so upsetting. I just hate it. I 103 00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:40,240 Honestly, like I'm happy like I have a pretty mixed body image 104 00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:43,400 I like the way my figure looks and stuff like that 105 00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:48,640 But when it comes to the vaginal stuff, oh my god, like if you ask me like do you love your body and stuff? 106 00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:52,120 I'd say fuck no. I'm like, I'm just a living 107 00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:56,800 Disgusting heap of flush and organs. Why would you want to fuck me? 108 00:07:56,800 --> 00:08:03,720 Like it's that bad and I hate it because it's like no one should measure their worth over their fucking private parts, you know 109 00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:05,080 We you know 110 00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:07,080 It's silly to do that, isn't it? 111 00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:09,320 but 112 00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:13,200 when there's so many fucking people in GWA that can do all these fun like 113 00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:20,960 Squirting audios and can do all these really neat little masturbation challenges or even the machine fuck thing 114 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:23,880 I've been wanting to do that for so long, but I can't 115 00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:26,200 at all and 116 00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:29,520 I'm sure I could do it anally 117 00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:34,080 But like I said anal takes a lot of prep and stuff and given my living situation 118 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:39,120 I don't have like a shit ton of privacy. So it's not something I can do very often. I'm gonna be quite honest 119 00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:41,360 It's also why I don't record as often as I used to 120 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:44,600 but it's like I 121 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:48,440 Hate feeling like 122 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:51,040 When I 123 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:57,840 You know make requests for audios for this kind of thing. I hate feeling like it's almost as if I'm asking everybody 124 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:04,200 Hey, you can't have real sex with me, but you can make compromises and make me come and like make me like 125 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,200 You know and have me be like a selfish bitch. Thanks 126 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:09,240 that's how I feel making these requests and 127 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:14,760 It's also how I feel a lot of the time when I think about like 128 00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:20,480 Just in general like it feels like any sex I have in the future is just going to be a compromise like 129 00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:24,000 You can't put it in my pussy, but you can fuck my thighs 130 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:26,480 Although that does sound very hot and I would love that 131 00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:30,040 It's just like I hate to feel like I'm gonna live a life 132 00:09:30,560 --> 00:09:35,200 Where there's like no sex like no like vaginal sex at least 133 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:42,040 Because that's what society deemed as sex. That's what a lot of audios on GWA deemed sex as it's what I fucking notice 134 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:46,200 And yes, I'm kind of angry because it's like I hate feeling like I 135 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:50,280 Hate feeling like what I'll experience because I can't do vaginal stuff 136 00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:54,840 I hate to think for a moment that what I'll be doing isn't genuine sex 137 00:09:54,840 --> 00:10:00,760 I hate to think for a moment that you know because I can't do vaginal that suddenly 138 00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:07,400 It's just like oh, you know you're getting down and intimate with somebody you better classify it as some other type of sex 139 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:09,400 Because it's clearly not real sex 140 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:13,800 I hate it. Maybe this is just my own like negativity spilling in like I 141 00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:21,960 Still have a few hang-ups about what society says about sex and aspects of sex being acceptable and unacceptable and stuff 142 00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:23,320 but 143 00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:27,320 When you're a person that lives with the issue where they cannot 144 00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:31,080 Penetrate themselves, and they cannot 145 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:36,680 Like even get a fucking finger in they can't do jack shit 146 00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:41,000 It is devastating. It's heartbreaking 147 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:45,080 It makes you feel like you're fucking just not made for sex 148 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:51,160 It makes you feel like you're an individual that just is made for like affection and cuddles or whatever else 149 00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:55,160 But you know you'll never have real sex because you know you can't do that 150 00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:58,840 Your body is deemed. You know nature is deemed that your body is broken 151 00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:02,040 That's how it feels. That's how it fucking feels 152 00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:06,840 for me anyway and 153 00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:13,080 I hate it. I fucking hate it. I hate that I have to feel this way about my own body 154 00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:15,960 you know 155 00:11:16,680 --> 00:11:18,680 I just wish that 156 00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:24,840 There was something I could do to feel more positive about myself in the meantime before I see a doctor about this 157 00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:28,280 I wish there was something I could do to feel more positive about myself in the meantime before I see a doctor about this 158 00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:35,000 I wish there was something I could do to feel more accepting towards the fact that yeah 159 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:39,720 I can't do vaginal, but that doesn't mean insert sentimental thought here. You know 160 00:11:41,560 --> 00:11:45,000 I'm just really discouraged, and I just needed to get this out there 161 00:11:45,720 --> 00:11:50,120 Because it's a thought that's been bothering me a lot lately you know 162 00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:56,920 When I watch porn amateur or professional although mainly amateur because you know professionals ham it up 163 00:11:56,920 --> 00:12:03,080 They fucking ham it up. They're like horror extras, but they're horror extras anyway bad pun aside 164 00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:08,600 And besides that was kind of rude of me um when it comes down to it 165 00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:13,720 I see all these amateurs 166 00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:16,200 Getting their pussies fucked 167 00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:18,840 Watching that dick or dildo or whatever go in there 168 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:22,520 For most people it's like 169 00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:26,040 Oh, you want something you want me to put something in my uh in my vagina, okay? 170 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:32,200 For me it's like you want me to you know you want me to you know stick something inside of myself, okay? 171 00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:34,200 Let me put it in my ass 172 00:12:35,240 --> 00:12:37,240 I just can't do vaginal and it hurts 173 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:43,960 I hate thinking that I'm broken. I hate thinking that there's something wrong with me 174 00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:47,160 Because of what I can't do 175 00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:50,200 It's such a fundamental part of a lot of si's 176 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:57,160 It's such a huge thing in a lot of other massed audios. I compare myself to people on gwa way too much 177 00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:00,360 When I hear 178 00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:02,360 Pink tag users getting off 179 00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:09,720 Like with their like vaginal penetration things I get really jealous and really upset because it's like I wish I could experience that 180 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:12,360 I want to feel 181 00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:18,120 Things vaginally I want to experience that but I never will so what's the point in desiring that? 182 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:20,600 And then I proceed to be an emo little bitch 183 00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:27,080 I've had friends tell me that I'm making a big deal out of nothing by worrying about this 184 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:30,280 I don't think that's necessarily true 185 00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:33,720 Like I can see what they're trying to say 186 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:36,840 But it feels really disheartening 187 00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:39,480 and it 188 00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:43,960 You can never really truly understand what it feels like unless you experience it yourself 189 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:48,840 I think that could be said about a lot of things in life 190 00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:53,720 But it definitely feels that way with this as well 191 00:13:58,040 --> 00:13:59,560 I don't know where I'm going with this 192 00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:02,920 But I just needed to share my thoughts and feelings about 193 00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:08,440 My lack of ability to do vaginal penetration and stuff. You don't necessarily have to respond to this 194 00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:15,560 But I thought it might be kind of interesting maybe to see how it feels from the perspective of somebody that actually can't do these things 195 00:14:16,680 --> 00:14:21,000 like how it feels to be somebody like with this difficulty and like 196 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:26,280 My feelings on it and stuff like my feelings about my lack of ability and whatnot 197 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,240 I don't know 198 00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:31,240 Plus, I don't know 199 00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:36,760 I just needed to get it out there. It's been bugging me. It's been annoying me. So 200 00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:38,520 um 201 00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:45,720 Thank you for listening to my depressed rambles and sorry if I made you like upset or like made you feel bad or anything like that 202 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:47,560 I'm sorry 203 00:14:47,560 --> 00:15:07,260 Um, because I didn't intend to I just needed to get my feelings out there. That's all