Hi there, Audiokandy, um, so, I wanted to record something rambly, um, it's kind of
venty I guess, kind of? I don't really know, I just want an excuse to ramble. And so
recently, you may notice there's a fantastic jump in quality from the last
mic I was using, so, um, yeah. The other mic I've been using broke, so I'm
using my high quality singing mic I use when I do covers off of Reddit, so, yeah.
But anyway, back to rambliness. Okay, so, as a lot of you might know, I post to
another subreddit called GWA aka Gone Wild Audio, and it's basically audio
porn! It's very lovely, and it's great, but I don't know, I've been having kind of
conflicting feelings about it, and I just kind of wanted a safe space to discuss
it without posting to that subreddit and just posting here to be safe. So, I have
nothing against anybody on GWA, it's nothing like that. Rather, it's just
personal feelings about the subreddit itself. So, let me explain. So, I'm
generally supremely vanilla in my tastes. Very much vanilla. I have the occasional
fetish that is a little more out there, that is a little more, what the fuck is
that, whispers, why are you into that? But for the most part, I'm into very tame
things. So, you know, I don't know how many of you browse GWA, but I know that I
recognize some of you from GWA, so those of you who are also there as
well as here know very well that GWA, though it has its vanilla content, it's
primarily a little more dark in its contents, and I'm not into that as much
personally. And sometimes I feel like kind of a misfit on GWA. I'm very well
liked there. At least I think I am. I mean, the people there are very friendly,
but I feel like I don't belong sometimes because I'm so vanilla, you know? I get
jokingly told sometimes, you know, welcome to GWA, you know, back when I first joined
I remember I got jokingly told like, welcome to GWA, your tastes will change
over time, but like, I've always been very in tune with my sexual self and what
turns me on and what doesn't turn me on, and for me, dark fetishist-y stuff like
you know, doesn't really get me going. The dark stuff, the dark fetishes, just don't
do anything for me really. On rare occasions they can, but they often don't.
I'm into gentle sex, I'm into gentle affirmations and comforts and mushy
gushy, not necessarily romantic, but passionate, you know? Not romantic, but
passionate. I think about the relationships I have with my sex friends
and it's very passionate, but it's platonic, it's not romantic. We're
passionately platonic. Sounds like some weird kind of slogan. Oh goodness, that's
the new sex friend slogan, everybody. Use it for you and your sex friends if you
have any. Okay, but back on topic, so I'm not into the rough stuff. BDSM
doesn't really appeal to me very much either, and a lot of the male-dom stuff
tends to be more aggressive and that actually scares me because it kind of
reminds me of some negative experiences I had when I was younger, so it doesn't
sit well with me when I'm listening to male-dom audios normally. I like having
the ability to express my eroticism. I just get annoyed when, you know, I know
that I know like it's a joke, you know, the whole your taste will change as
you're here and stuff, but like I won't lie, it kind of irks me because it's like
I know what turns me on and I know what gets me going and just because a lot of
you might have changed from GWA into the darker stuff doesn't mean everybody will.
I've been consuming pornographic materials ever since I was pretty young,
I'll be honest, and I've always been very in tune throughout my teenage years.
I've been very in tune with my sexual side, what turns me on, what does not,
things like that. I'm very in touch with myself, I'm very introspective, so as a
result, I know what gets me going. When I hear an audio and there's like
tit-fucking in it, you bet the hand goes into the panties, or whatever, to name an
example, but I feel like a misfit on GWA sometimes. When I think about a lot of
the content I make, sometimes I contemplate leaving because it's like I
don't belong. Clearly I don't. I'm not very huge into the age place stuff. I like
it, I do it sometimes with people in private, but it's not something that makes
up the grand majority of what I'm into. And I don't know, you know, like it feels
like, you know, it feels like at some point everybody on GWA at some point
ends up going daddy this daddy that and I'm just not that kind of person. First
of all, if I did an age play thing, I'd be going papa, but little note aside, age
play isn't really my thing and when it is, it's more a private thing I like to
do with people that I can trust, you know what I mean? I hate to feel like I'm
shit-talking GWA because I fucking love it, but like as somebody who is more into
the vanilla things and all of that, you can understand that it can be kind of
alienating. Sorry for all the salivating, I'm sure this mic picks it up, but yes,
yes, continuing on. So I want to make erotic content for audio candy too, but
sometimes some of the themes and things I want to tackle I feel like might be
too racy for audio candy, but I'm not sure. I mean, I know as long as I tag it
anything goes, but I don't know, I'm just really hesitating, you know? Part of me
wants to migrate away from GWA, but like I love it there too much to do that, you
know? So I'm having a lot of conflicting feelings, I'm not sure what to do, and I
feel guilty kind of rambling like this because I don't want people to get the
wrong idea, you know, that I'm secretly a shit-talker and a jerkface and
whatever, you know? I guess at the end of the day, I just want to feel like I belong
more, I want to feel more welcome, but because I'm primarily into the vanilla
stuff and the grand majority of stuff over on GWA is not primarily vanilla,
it's tough, and I don't need it to be romantic, you know? I'm weird with my
vanilla content, it doesn't need to be romantic in the slightest. In fact, it
doesn't even have to be like super emotional, it can be lusty and hot and
fantastic, it doesn't have to be affectionate or anything, but I don't
like the rough stuff, I don't like hard stuff, and because I struggle with
vaginal penetration, it's hard for me to enjoy a lot of audios that are intended
for women audiences, you know? Because here I am, and it's like, oh you know, like I
could be listening to, say, a schlick instruction audio, right? And then it
instructs me to put a finger in. Well, I'm not fully capable of that. It kind of
hurts when I do, despite being very relaxed and lubricated, so it's
discouraging to say the least, and then I feel selfish when I make requests asking
for stuff to make me feel more comfy with audios and stuff, you know? It sucks.
So I don't know, that's part of why I've not been posting anywhere lately, I've
been feeling kind of emotionally bleh about myself sexually, and I just really
need or needed to ramble about that, because it's just like, I want to feel
accepted, I want to feel erotic and sexy and hot and everything in between, but
it's so fucking hard, it's really difficult, and I just don't know what to
do. So yeah, basically I'm not sure what to do. I feel very weird, very conflicted,
and overall I just feel, I feel like I'm floating. I feel like my existence is
floating amongst the subreddits. GWA, Audio Candy, Pillow Talk Audio. I'm
floating amongst every one of them, and Pillow Talk Audio feels a little too
tame sometimes for the stuff I want to make, but then I feel like some of the
stuff I want to make might feel a little too explicit for Audio Candy, even though
I know erotic content is allowed. So at the end of the day, I don't know what to
do. In a way this is me rambling, in a way begging for advice, in a way this is me
rambling, letting the emotional Dirkahurk out. What does that mean? I don't know, but
basically to let my emotions out, I needed to do this, and I have nothing
against GWA. Like I said, I love it. I don't want to stop hosting there,
especially because some of my fetishes, like Scat for instance, is really
something I think that is best saved for something like GWA, but I'm primarily
into vanilla stuff, and I feel like I'm not very welcome at that subreddit
sometimes, because I don't do rough content, because I don't enjoy rough
content. It's hard sometimes to click, you know? I don't know. I just needed to
ramble, so thanks for listening to this stupid shit, and I don't know, what do you
guys think I should do? Like what- are there any words of advice or comfort you
might have, or anything like that? Input would be much appreciated, because again
I'm confused and lost, and I just need comfort and help, and yeah, sorry for all
this babbling. I'll stop now.