1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:09,160 Hi there, Audiokandy, um, so, I wanted to record something rambly, um, it's kind of 2 00:00:09,160 --> 00:00:17,080 venty I guess, kind of? I don't really know, I just want an excuse to ramble. And so 3 00:00:17,080 --> 00:00:22,480 recently, you may notice there's a fantastic jump in quality from the last 4 00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:29,800 mic I was using, so, um, yeah. The other mic I've been using broke, so I'm 5 00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:35,680 using my high quality singing mic I use when I do covers off of Reddit, so, yeah. 6 00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:43,280 But anyway, back to rambliness. Okay, so, as a lot of you might know, I post to 7 00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:49,840 another subreddit called GWA aka Gone Wild Audio, and it's basically audio 8 00:00:49,840 --> 00:00:59,080 porn! It's very lovely, and it's great, but I don't know, I've been having kind of 9 00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:04,200 conflicting feelings about it, and I just kind of wanted a safe space to discuss 10 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:10,960 it without posting to that subreddit and just posting here to be safe. So, I have 11 00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:16,240 nothing against anybody on GWA, it's nothing like that. Rather, it's just 12 00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:25,200 personal feelings about the subreddit itself. So, let me explain. So, I'm 13 00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:33,880 generally supremely vanilla in my tastes. Very much vanilla. I have the occasional 14 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:38,960 fetish that is a little more out there, that is a little more, what the fuck is 15 00:01:38,960 --> 00:01:43,720 that, whispers, why are you into that? But for the most part, I'm into very tame 16 00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:52,040 things. So, you know, I don't know how many of you browse GWA, but I know that I 17 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:57,680 recognize some of you from GWA, so those of you who are also there as 18 00:01:57,680 --> 00:02:04,280 well as here know very well that GWA, though it has its vanilla content, it's 19 00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:08,880 primarily a little more dark in its contents, and I'm not into that as much 20 00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:18,440 personally. And sometimes I feel like kind of a misfit on GWA. I'm very well 21 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:22,480 liked there. At least I think I am. I mean, the people there are very friendly, 22 00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:29,600 but I feel like I don't belong sometimes because I'm so vanilla, you know? I get 23 00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:34,520 jokingly told sometimes, you know, welcome to GWA, you know, back when I first joined 24 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:37,520 I remember I got jokingly told like, welcome to GWA, your tastes will change 25 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:42,080 over time, but like, I've always been very in tune with my sexual self and what 26 00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:48,120 turns me on and what doesn't turn me on, and for me, dark fetishist-y stuff like 27 00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:52,520 you know, doesn't really get me going. The dark stuff, the dark fetishes, just don't 28 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:58,280 do anything for me really. On rare occasions they can, but they often don't. 29 00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:07,000 I'm into gentle sex, I'm into gentle affirmations and comforts and mushy 30 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:13,320 gushy, not necessarily romantic, but passionate, you know? Not romantic, but 31 00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:18,560 passionate. I think about the relationships I have with my sex friends 32 00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:24,840 and it's very passionate, but it's platonic, it's not romantic. We're 33 00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:30,840 passionately platonic. Sounds like some weird kind of slogan. Oh goodness, that's 34 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:34,440 the new sex friend slogan, everybody. Use it for you and your sex friends if you 35 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:40,600 have any. Okay, but back on topic, so I'm not into the rough stuff. BDSM 36 00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:47,280 doesn't really appeal to me very much either, and a lot of the male-dom stuff 37 00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:51,400 tends to be more aggressive and that actually scares me because it kind of 38 00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:56,440 reminds me of some negative experiences I had when I was younger, so it doesn't 39 00:03:56,440 --> 00:04:01,840 sit well with me when I'm listening to male-dom audios normally. I like having 40 00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:07,320 the ability to express my eroticism. I just get annoyed when, you know, I know 41 00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:10,840 that I know like it's a joke, you know, the whole your taste will change as 42 00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:14,600 you're here and stuff, but like I won't lie, it kind of irks me because it's like 43 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:19,160 I know what turns me on and I know what gets me going and just because a lot of 44 00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:25,440 you might have changed from GWA into the darker stuff doesn't mean everybody will. 45 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:30,440 I've been consuming pornographic materials ever since I was pretty young, 46 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:38,920 I'll be honest, and I've always been very in tune throughout my teenage years. 47 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:43,760 I've been very in tune with my sexual side, what turns me on, what does not, 48 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:49,920 things like that. I'm very in touch with myself, I'm very introspective, so as a 49 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:56,440 result, I know what gets me going. When I hear an audio and there's like 50 00:04:56,440 --> 00:05:03,680 tit-fucking in it, you bet the hand goes into the panties, or whatever, to name an 51 00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:11,120 example, but I feel like a misfit on GWA sometimes. When I think about a lot of 52 00:05:11,120 --> 00:05:15,400 the content I make, sometimes I contemplate leaving because it's like I 53 00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:25,560 don't belong. Clearly I don't. I'm not very huge into the age place stuff. I like 54 00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:33,120 it, I do it sometimes with people in private, but it's not something that makes 55 00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:41,280 up the grand majority of what I'm into. And I don't know, you know, like it feels 56 00:05:41,280 --> 00:05:48,440 like, you know, it feels like at some point everybody on GWA at some point 57 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:52,800 ends up going daddy this daddy that and I'm just not that kind of person. First 58 00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:59,160 of all, if I did an age play thing, I'd be going papa, but little note aside, age 59 00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:02,800 play isn't really my thing and when it is, it's more a private thing I like to 60 00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:09,960 do with people that I can trust, you know what I mean? I hate to feel like I'm 61 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:15,560 shit-talking GWA because I fucking love it, but like as somebody who is more into 62 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:21,400 the vanilla things and all of that, you can understand that it can be kind of 63 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:28,280 alienating. Sorry for all the salivating, I'm sure this mic picks it up, but yes, 64 00:06:28,280 --> 00:06:35,240 yes, continuing on. So I want to make erotic content for audio candy too, but 65 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:38,800 sometimes some of the themes and things I want to tackle I feel like might be 66 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:43,660 too racy for audio candy, but I'm not sure. I mean, I know as long as I tag it 67 00:06:43,660 --> 00:06:49,440 anything goes, but I don't know, I'm just really hesitating, you know? Part of me 68 00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:54,160 wants to migrate away from GWA, but like I love it there too much to do that, you 69 00:06:54,160 --> 00:07:02,640 know? So I'm having a lot of conflicting feelings, I'm not sure what to do, and I 70 00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:08,280 feel guilty kind of rambling like this because I don't want people to get the 71 00:07:08,280 --> 00:07:15,480 wrong idea, you know, that I'm secretly a shit-talker and a jerkface and 72 00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:24,880 whatever, you know? I guess at the end of the day, I just want to feel like I belong 73 00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:30,320 more, I want to feel more welcome, but because I'm primarily into the vanilla 74 00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:35,600 stuff and the grand majority of stuff over on GWA is not primarily vanilla, 75 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:43,840 it's tough, and I don't need it to be romantic, you know? I'm weird with my 76 00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:50,880 vanilla content, it doesn't need to be romantic in the slightest. In fact, it 77 00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:56,440 doesn't even have to be like super emotional, it can be lusty and hot and 78 00:07:56,440 --> 00:08:03,400 fantastic, it doesn't have to be affectionate or anything, but I don't 79 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:09,920 like the rough stuff, I don't like hard stuff, and because I struggle with 80 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:15,560 vaginal penetration, it's hard for me to enjoy a lot of audios that are intended 81 00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:25,520 for women audiences, you know? Because here I am, and it's like, oh you know, like I 82 00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:30,040 could be listening to, say, a schlick instruction audio, right? And then it 83 00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:35,040 instructs me to put a finger in. Well, I'm not fully capable of that. It kind of 84 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:39,800 hurts when I do, despite being very relaxed and lubricated, so it's 85 00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:45,000 discouraging to say the least, and then I feel selfish when I make requests asking 86 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:51,720 for stuff to make me feel more comfy with audios and stuff, you know? It sucks. 87 00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:56,920 So I don't know, that's part of why I've not been posting anywhere lately, I've 88 00:08:56,920 --> 00:09:00,560 been feeling kind of emotionally bleh about myself sexually, and I just really 89 00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:07,160 need or needed to ramble about that, because it's just like, I want to feel 90 00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:13,160 accepted, I want to feel erotic and sexy and hot and everything in between, but 91 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:19,280 it's so fucking hard, it's really difficult, and I just don't know what to 92 00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:30,960 do. So yeah, basically I'm not sure what to do. I feel very weird, very conflicted, 93 00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:39,720 and overall I just feel, I feel like I'm floating. I feel like my existence is 94 00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:48,080 floating amongst the subreddits. GWA, Audio Candy, Pillow Talk Audio. I'm 95 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:55,360 floating amongst every one of them, and Pillow Talk Audio feels a little too 96 00:09:55,360 --> 00:10:00,920 tame sometimes for the stuff I want to make, but then I feel like some of the 97 00:10:00,920 --> 00:10:04,040 stuff I want to make might feel a little too explicit for Audio Candy, even though 98 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:11,160 I know erotic content is allowed. So at the end of the day, I don't know what to 99 00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:18,760 do. In a way this is me rambling, in a way begging for advice, in a way this is me 100 00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:24,560 rambling, letting the emotional Dirkahurk out. What does that mean? I don't know, but 101 00:10:24,560 --> 00:10:30,400 basically to let my emotions out, I needed to do this, and I have nothing 102 00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:34,880 against GWA. Like I said, I love it. I don't want to stop hosting there, 103 00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:42,160 especially because some of my fetishes, like Scat for instance, is really 104 00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:49,400 something I think that is best saved for something like GWA, but I'm primarily 105 00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:55,160 into vanilla stuff, and I feel like I'm not very welcome at that subreddit 106 00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:59,200 sometimes, because I don't do rough content, because I don't enjoy rough 107 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:08,120 content. It's hard sometimes to click, you know? I don't know. I just needed to 108 00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:16,480 ramble, so thanks for listening to this stupid shit, and I don't know, what do you 109 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:20,320 guys think I should do? Like what- are there any words of advice or comfort you 110 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:27,720 might have, or anything like that? Input would be much appreciated, because again 111 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:35,440 I'm confused and lost, and I just need comfort and help, and yeah, sorry for all 112 00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:58,680 this babbling. I'll stop now.