I'm really nervous because this is genuine and it feels real and I'm not used to, I guess,
talking about real things because you're the best master anybody could ever ask for, you're
daring and strict and you forgive me for my many fuck-ups because I fuck up a lot.
And I, I don't know, I guess I just, I want to say I'm sorry for fapping last night when I wasn't
supposed to, I just, I got in bed and you were asleep and I'd been recording all night for the
threads and it had been like five days since I got fucked which is really long for me and I just,
and you were sleeping and I knew you needed to get up in the morning because you had to go to
work and so I couldn't ask you for permission, I couldn't wake you up and beg you to fuck me,
but so I came and I thought about you torturing me, about you hurting me, using me and it was
really, really good if that means anything to you, but I'm sure that just makes it worse.
So this is just, I don't know, I'm sorry the air conditioning hits one, it's going to ruin my
audio quality but whatever, I'm in the middle of something. I don't know, I just, I couldn't
control myself and you're so good to me. And I don't deserve forgiveness and I know what my
punishment is, I know that I'm going to get five hits with the big wooden punishment paddle on the
wall that we keep separate from everything else so then I know what's coming if I misbehave but I
just, I don't know. I'm not scared with the punishment paddle, I'm scared of seeing the
disappointment on your face when you do it. I'm scared of making you upset because you do
everything you can for me and you take care of me and you are everything to me and I mean
you can take me from screaming in pain to actually orgasming from pain and that still blows my fucking
mind that I can do that. That still just, I don't even know how that happens. You know that you
can make me come just from the fogger and you can make me come just by demanding that I come.
I don't know how somebody conditions somebody to do that but you have and you've taken me
further than I could ever hope to go into pleasing you and into trying to be perfect for you.
I'll bust my ass to try to be perfect for you. I'm a 4.0 in college because I'm trying to be
perfect for you and I want you to understand that I won't do that again. I won't because this is
humiliating and it's making me realize how fucked up it is that I just completely disregarded what's
in our contract. I mean this is literally in our contract and I just couldn't help it and I'm sorry
and I know that once you listen to this you won't want me to beat myself up for it but I do and
that's just how I am but I know you don't want me to so I'm going to switch into just thinking
about how amazing you are and how all I need to do in my life and I know this. I know this because
you have taken care of me for five years now is to trust you and to hand myself over to you and
to know that what you choose for me is better than I could possibly choose for myself and that's
the bottom line and that's why I gave myself over to you and that's why I submit to you every day
and that's why I wear a fucking collar 24-7 because I need to remember that when you're around
your decisions are better than mine and you genuinely do have my best interest at heart
and I love you for that.