1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:25,000
I'm really nervous because this is genuine and it feels real and I'm not used to, I guess,

2
00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:41,000
talking about real things because you're the best master anybody could ever ask for, you're

3
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:58,000
daring and strict and you forgive me for my many fuck-ups because I fuck up a lot.

4
00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:14,000
And I, I don't know, I guess I just, I want to say I'm sorry for fapping last night when I wasn't

5
00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:22,000
supposed to, I just, I got in bed and you were asleep and I'd been recording all night for the

6
00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:34,000
threads and it had been like five days since I got fucked which is really long for me and I just,

7
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:38,000
and you were sleeping and I knew you needed to get up in the morning because you had to go to

8
00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:46,000
work and so I couldn't ask you for permission, I couldn't wake you up and beg you to fuck me,

9
00:01:46,000 --> 00:02:07,000
but so I came and I thought about you torturing me, about you hurting me, using me and it was

10
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:20,000
really, really good if that means anything to you, but I'm sure that just makes it worse.

11
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:30,000
So this is just, I don't know, I'm sorry the air conditioning hits one, it's going to ruin my

12
00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:41,000
audio quality but whatever, I'm in the middle of something. I don't know, I just, I couldn't

13
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:55,000
control myself and you're so good to me. And I don't deserve forgiveness and I know what my

14
00:02:55,000 --> 00:03:02,000
punishment is, I know that I'm going to get five hits with the big wooden punishment paddle on the

15
00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:08,000
wall that we keep separate from everything else so then I know what's coming if I misbehave but I

16
00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:22,000
just, I don't know. I'm not scared with the punishment paddle, I'm scared of seeing the

17
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:37,000
disappointment on your face when you do it. I'm scared of making you upset because you do

18
00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:55,000
everything you can for me and you take care of me and you are everything to me and I mean

19
00:03:55,000 --> 00:04:13,000
you can take me from screaming in pain to actually orgasming from pain and that still blows my fucking

20
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:25,000
mind that I can do that. That still just, I don't even know how that happens. You know that you

21
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:37,000
can make me come just from the fogger and you can make me come just by demanding that I come.

22
00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:46,000
I don't know how somebody conditions somebody to do that but you have and you've taken me

23
00:04:46,000 --> 00:05:02,000
further than I could ever hope to go into pleasing you and into trying to be perfect for you.

24
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:09,000
I'll bust my ass to try to be perfect for you. I'm a 4.0 in college because I'm trying to be

25
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:22,000
perfect for you and I want you to understand that I won't do that again. I won't because this is

26
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:38,000
humiliating and it's making me realize how fucked up it is that I just completely disregarded what's

27
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:48,000
in our contract. I mean this is literally in our contract and I just couldn't help it and I'm sorry

28
00:05:48,000 --> 00:06:01,000
and I know that once you listen to this you won't want me to beat myself up for it but I do and

29
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:10,000
that's just how I am but I know you don't want me to so I'm going to switch into just thinking

30
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:28,000
about how amazing you are and how all I need to do in my life and I know this. I know this because

31
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:43,000
you have taken care of me for five years now is to trust you and to hand myself over to you and

32
00:06:43,000 --> 00:07:01,000
to know that what you choose for me is better than I could possibly choose for myself and that's

33
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:08,000
the bottom line and that's why I gave myself over to you and that's why I submit to you every day

34
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:21,000
and that's why I wear a fucking collar 24-7 because I need to remember that when you're around

35
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:32,000
your decisions are better than mine and you genuinely do have my best interest at heart

36
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:38,000
and I love you for that.