1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:06,000 Hey, just dropping by to drop these books off I borrowed. I finished the last one. 2 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:15,000 No, I didn't need to drop them off right now. I was on my way to the store and I thought I'd just stop. 3 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:18,000 You know, guilty birds. 4 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:26,000 Okay, fine. I am a terrible fucking liar. Will you let me in now? 5 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:31,000 Well, if you answered your texts or email, you know what? 6 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:40,000 Honestly, if you would have answered them, I still would have dropped by on a flimsy excuse, but I wouldn't have been so worried. 7 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:45,000 Alright, good. 8 00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:50,000 Let's sit on the couch, okay? 9 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:58,000 Something is definitely fucking wrong. I have never seen you this quiet. 10 00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:06,000 I mean, I know you can be shy and that's kind of adorable. We've known each other for years. 11 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:16,000 No, it's not fine. It's the opposite. So what is it? What is it really? 12 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:19,000 You got a text. 13 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:23,000 Can I read it? 14 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,000 Oh my god. 15 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:29,000 Oh my god, that's not okay. 16 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:34,000 Yes, I hugged you. Why are you so surprised? 17 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:40,000 Well, it's true. I don't hug a lot, but it's you. And this is fucked. 18 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:45,000 Yes. Yes, getting dumped by a text is pretty fucking shitty. 19 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:53,000 Sending a nearly nude selfie posing with the dude she's leaving you for is just fucking awful. 20 00:01:53,000 --> 00:02:00,000 You must be thinking of some other friend because you know that I wouldn't let you be alone right now. 21 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:04,000 Or you should anyway. 22 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:11,000 Wait, so because your girlfriend, who just dumped you in the most fucking tasteless way, 23 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:16,000 would have told you to man up and deal with it, I have to leave you alone with your shitty thoughts? 24 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:20,000 No, you heard me. No. 25 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:25,000 First of all, I never approved of your decision to go exclusive with her. 26 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:31,000 She was a bougie brat who didn't really want to be involved with you beyond of what you could do for her. 27 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:37,000 Yes, I had veto power, but I was not consulted. 28 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:46,000 That is the best friend constitution. I feel that my rights were ignored and your haste to get laid. 29 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:51,000 Well, it's good to hear you laugh at least. 30 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:59,000 Normally, you would have made me laugh multiple times with your lame ass dad jokes by now, but today I guess it's my turn. 31 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:01,000 Where was I? 32 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:09,000 Oh, right. Second of all, once she said that shit about you manning up, you should have called me. 33 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:13,000 So I could have knocked your ass out, obviously. 34 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:17,000 You would never do it, so it's up to your best friend. 35 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:21,000 Thirdly, she's like the worst example of how to be a girlfriend. 36 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:28,000 Specifically, she was like the worst possible person to be your girlfriend. 37 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:35,000 Well, yeah, I know you. I know exactly what you need in this situation. 38 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:38,000 A smack upside the head. 39 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:41,000 Figuratively, this time. 40 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:48,000 Yeah, see, I would have seen that look in the eye you get when you get all stoic and then also the way you purse your lips. 41 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:58,000 Yes, that exactly. That tells me you're extremely sad and what you need is a hug and probably sex. 42 00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:03,000 Please. Sex is like the most obvious solution. 43 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:10,000 It would relax you and it would make you feel loved and you'd be more ready to talk about this awful shit. 44 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:18,000 Damn it, I wish you would have called me sooner, like when she started treating you badly. 45 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:24,000 I know it would have pissed her off. That would have been a nice side benefit. 46 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:27,000 I sound jealous? 47 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:32,000 Yeah, I guess I am a bit. I get protective about my friends. 48 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:39,000 I try not to be a creep about it, but yeah, when some fancy bitch decides my best friend shouldn't hang out with me, 49 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:42,000 then I'll get a little pissy. 50 00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:48,000 No, I'm sure she didn't say anything like that to you. She wasn't that dumb. 51 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:54,000 But you sure did have to cancel on me a lot when she started seeing her, didn't you? 52 00:04:54,000 --> 00:05:02,000 Yeah, she was coincidentally sick on those nights we were supposed to play board games or watch nerd shit together. 53 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:07,000 I don't blame you for missing it. You were blinded by the pussy. 54 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,000 Sorry. 55 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:16,000 What I meant to say was that you still were in the infatuation phase. 56 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:22,000 You were only with her for like three months, but you guys moved fast. 57 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:27,000 I know and I'm sorry for dragging you about this. 58 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:36,000 It just made me have a regret and I'm not really going to be able to move past it unless we can get it off my fucking chest. 59 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:41,000 Is that okay? 60 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:51,000 So I realized how she felt about me pretty early and I was worried she would treat you badly and she did. 61 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:54,000 So I let you down. 62 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:56,000 What could I have done? 63 00:05:56,000 --> 00:06:02,000 Well, it's true that it's hard to convince someone who's infatuated that their lover isn't good for them, 64 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:20,000 but I think I probably could have done this. 65 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:32,000 Yeah, see that startled expression tells me that it probably would have worked and that other stuff going on in your pants right now. 66 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:36,000 No, don't you ever think that. I don't care what just happened. 67 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:44,000 I'd never kiss you out of pity. I don't kiss people that I don't feel for. 68 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:51,000 I've thought about it a lot, especially once I stopped seeing you around. 69 00:06:51,000 --> 00:07:12,000 I'm glad that it's taken your mind off of things, but I could have done so much more like more of this. 70 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:17,000 Yeah, I've been working up the courage to do that. 71 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:25,000 I'm such a coward. So yeah, I like you a whole lot. 72 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:29,000 Jesus fucking Christ, I'm so bad at this. I love you. 73 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:33,000 I actually love you like actual love. 74 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:37,000 Yes, I am confessing my goddamn feelings for you. 75 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:43,000 You're supposed to say some Jane Austen shit or tell me to fuck off or something. 76 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:47,000 I don't do the shit. I don't fucking know how. 77 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:55,000 I'm pretty sure bursting out laughing is not the appropriate response, dick. 78 00:07:55,000 --> 00:08:02,000 What do you mean that only you could swear that much during romantic declaration? 79 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:18,000 I don't fucking swear that. 80 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:29,000 See? This is distracting. 81 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:33,000 Oh, fuck no. Wait, wait, wait, wait. 82 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,000 Yeah, I don't want to stop either. 83 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:47,000 But I need you to understand that even if you just want sex and this love thing is one sided, I'm still not abandoning you. 84 00:08:47,000 --> 00:09:03,000 I'm really truly your friend. Okay? 85 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:17,000 Oh, I guess I didn't expect to hear I love you back. I didn't prepare for that. 86 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:20,000 No, no, I didn't. I didn't fucking giggle. 87 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:37,000 I just, you know what? Shut up, you dork. 88 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:43,000 No, it's okay. Everything is, wow, better than okay. 89 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:50,000 I just, I kind of wanted to prove that this is about you and not getting your dick in me. 90 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:56,000 Oh yeah, I want to jump all over that cock. Not tonight. 91 00:09:56,000 --> 00:10:03,000 I know I can be a little bossy. Again, with the inappropriate laughter. 92 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:07,000 Look, I just want to suck your cock. 93 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:13,000 I want to fucking swallow all of your cum, okay? 94 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:24,000 I want to make you feel really, really good and then fall asleep with you and hold you if you gotta cry and make you breakfast. 95 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:28,000 You know, girlfriend shit. 96 00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:31,000 Let's go to the bedroom. 97 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:34,000 Come on, not like you don't know the way. 98 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:39,000 Go ahead, take off your clothes and lay down. 99 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:42,000 It's not a request. 100 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:46,000 Don't worry, I'm taking mine off too. 101 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:56,000 I just want to get you in a place where you can relax and let me take care of you. 102 00:10:56,000 --> 00:11:01,000 You don't have any idea how often I've thought about your cock in my mouth. 103 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:07,000 It'd be shameful if I had any shame. 104 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:10,000 Yeah, wow. 105 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:19,000 Yeah, I like you like this. All exposed and vulnerable and sexy. 106 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:23,000 I've always loved your body. 107 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:28,000 Why, thank you. I always thought I might be a bit too curvy for you. 108 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:32,000 Glad to know you appreciate them. 109 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:36,000 I'm going to want your hands all over them pretty soon. 110 00:11:36,000 --> 00:12:02,000 In the meantime, let me just see about this delicious cock. 111 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:20,000 Fuck, you taste so good. 112 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:28,000 I kind of love doing this in general, but there is something about blowing someone that you love. 113 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:51,000 I can finally say it. 114 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:54,000 A romantic blowjob. 115 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:57,000 Yeah, that's what I want this to be. 116 00:12:57,000 --> 00:13:05,000 I want you to know that I'm yours. 117 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:13,000 I probably shouldn't say this, but I really have trouble saying no to you when we're drunk. 118 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:16,000 I used to make a lot of jokes about blowing you. 119 00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:22,000 I wanted you to say anything like you wanted me to. 120 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:32,000 I would have been yours without having to say anything, and if you didn't want me after, I guess I could have just pretended like I didn't remember. 121 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:49,000 Yeah, pathetic, right? 122 00:13:49,000 --> 00:14:17,000 When you say that you will always want me, this is why I'll always say yes to you. 123 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:29,000 You're close, aren't you? 124 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:34,000 I can feel you tightening up. 125 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:38,000 Go on, do it. 126 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:47,000 Does she like how soft and wet my mouth is? 127 00:14:47,000 --> 00:15:16,000 God, come for me. 128 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:28,000 I hope, I hope that was good enough.