Hiding behind a cupboard or something, waiting for me to slip up and I'll feel that heat
cover my cheeks or the sting of whatever new electro gadget you've gotten your hands on.
It's the first time I've been able to actually form a few sentences directed at you.
And I think the issue is I'm not angry, and I don't know why I'm not angry, and in that
same breath I feel like I'm supposed to be livid, destructively angry, but it's not there.
The therapist, and I know she's going to want to listen to this, but what's the odds I'll
actually get through this with anything worth sending to her?
So much pressure.
I think she wants me to be angry too, and it's all this pressure just sitting on me,
boxing me in, and I can't really dig into what I'm actually feeling.
Heck, it's only been three months since I was last in that room.
The day before that, you were inside me, using me, over and over, like you always did.
Except those last couple weeks, I started to feel kind of different, not really used.
I felt like I could leave if I asked you.
I didn't.
I don't know why that is.
I think I'd begin to want to be there.
It's kind of weird to say it now, but I felt owned, like this strong, masculine, hard man
owned me.
I was his property, and every single time I could make him come, make him empty himself
in me, on me, exclusively, for months.
It was his way, no, his body's way of saying that I was just perfect.
Fuck, and I'd make you come almost every day.
I cried at the start.
I remember the first time, coming to, realizing where I was, scared, so fucking scared.
You have no idea.
First off, I remembered leaving the house, feeling all morning as if someone had been
watching me, tracing me, just that kind of, you're not alone feeling.
It was so unsettling, but I told myself not to overthink it.
I followed my usual routine, and I think that was the issue, cause I went for another late
run.
I guess it wasn't that late, but I shouldn't have gone there, near the woods, and yet,
I know now, sitting here, well, it turns me on to remember how hard your hand gripped
around me, how I pulled away and ran so hard my breath burnt my chest, inhaling like I'd
been fucking, and I didn't have time to think, I just remember running, running and tripping
when your weight pressed me down so hard, and I thought you were going to tear my thighs
off, but you pressed your hand against my throat.
It was dark, I couldn't see your face that well, your hand was hot against my throat,
my breath icy cold and stifled because I was being suffocated, and the next thing I recall
is waking up, stripped of whatever I'd been wearing, just in panties, just in cotton panties,
and I'm ashamed to admit it now, that I felt a wet spot in them, I had a bruise on my cheek
and my throat hurt badly, you came in, showing me your face, though whenever someone asks,
I say that you wore a mask, you didn't say anything, just lifted and pressed me against
a cold wall, then you smelled my crotch, god am I really touching myself while I'm thinking
about this, you smelled my cunt, and around my asshole, you were filthy, you wanted to
smell how wet I was, and then you ripped my panties down, and you dipped your tongue wet
and slick into my cunt, eating me out like you would your girlfriend, I tried so hard
not to come, but after a few minutes, having my pussy and asshole eaten, I came on your
tongue, what a little slut I was, I was so angry at myself, I fucking hated you, so much
in that moment, so much, you didn't even acknowledge me, just my holes, you took your cock out,
stood on your feet and told me to turn around, I looked at your eyes as long as I could,
you only looked at my body, I wanted to grab your fat dick so badly, and when I saw you
spit on it, and glide so furiously over the tip, did I try and reach out, realizing too
late my fucking hands were handcuffed, I was so fixed on your thick cock, I knew you were
going to come, I felt ashamed, like something was wrong with me, but I kept watching you
milk your cock, tugging at your balls, and then you whimpered, quietly, before the groaning
started, and you came so hard, I wanted it to land on my skin so badly, but it didn't,
we did that for a while, every now and then, for what could have been a month, eating me
until I came, then jerking off while you perved on my body, you'd feed me twice a day, allowing
me to bathe, never too much, you craved my smell not that of lotion, you dressed me just
for warmth, it stopped being about sustenance really, I counted days in that little room
by the loads of cum you shot on the floor, watching them land on my feet, which you always
had me keep pedicured, on my stomach at times, even touching my breasts when you made me
kneel in front of you, but never in my mouth, fuck I'm so wet, I'm just a dirty girl, and
I don't know how to tell anyone, how to tell anyone that I've been masturbating for weeks
to the memories of what you did to me, how after that month you finally fucked me, you
used rope to spread my legs over a work table, had my pussy perfectly trimmed, and my body
smooth and washed, you treated me like your girlfriend, not a little rape slut, but I
was a rape slut, a little rape victim you snatched in a forest, a cheap little whore
who couldn't even run from you, I can't tell anyone how I stuck my tongue out for you to
spit on me while you fucked into me, how I loved feeling the rope burn me and how your
cock split me, I don't even know your name, but I've never come like that, you drained
my asshole, fucked in and out of it like a cunt, I think hearing me cry makes you come
harder, slapping my face, pinching my nipples, choking me, it all makes your thick fat cock
even harder, you trained my throat, stopped my gag reflex, showed me what happens when
I'm good, I promise I'll be so good sir, I promise, you are so animalistic with me,
so fucking primal, you smelt my holes, sucking on my breasts, sometimes you even licked my
underarms, tasting me, you were so dirty, I think you chose me because you wanted someone
who you could use for your every sexual woman, someone who with enough training would sit
between your legs and eat your ass, eat your ass while I jerked your cock off, yes whoever
else is listening my hands were always tied up, and sometimes when they were it's because
he needed the illusion that I was struggling, but eventually he wasn't raping me, he was
just using me because I wanted to be used, and raped, and owned, and I feel like I tripped
on purpose sometimes, like I wanted to see if you'd rape me, make me come and cry in
the dirt, come like a slut in the woods covered and filled with your perfect cum, I'm going
to cum for you again, just like I did yesterday, and the day before, and the weeks before that,
thinking about the first time your cock filled me up, how good it felt being full, wondering
what the news reports said, wondering what they'd say if they heard me moaning, whimpering
like a little bitch in heat because of your fat heavy cock was making me cum again, what
would they say if they saw me pressing to your lips, trying to kiss you while I got
close to cumming over and over, and then you had me hung up in ropes, and when the lights
come on you entered, there was an audience, maybe eight people who'd I'd seen many times
during the months that went on, you'd fuck me in front of them, treating me like a sex
toy you were jerking off with, they'd watch and play with each other, women and men, it
made me cum knowing that I was just porn to them, no personality, no interests and desires,
no hopes and dreams, just a flush, holes, a pretty face and a tight body, hanging there,
trying to balance with my hands roped above my head, my body displayed for everyone, I've
never felt sexier, when you walked in, calling you sir, knowing that every time I said it,
I'd get wet, hearing your footsteps in the passageway, I'd feel my pussy tense and pulse,
ready to cum for you like a good girl, later on I'd beg for it, shouting and moaning if
you hadn't made me cum in twenty-four hours, it makes me cum now, pressing my fingertips
over the scars where you cut me, or beat me, or slapped me, choking myself just the way
that you would, I didn't want to leave, I want to go back, I still jog the same route,
you know, hoping you'll rape me by a tree, dump your cum in me, make out with me, tell
me what a good little victim I am, that's all I want sir, I want to be your good girl
again, I want to make you so proud, I want to hear your footsteps, I want to smell your
cologne, and your skin, and your cock, I want to lick your balls, and suck your dick until
you've cum all that you can, I want you to drain your heavy balls from me, I hope you
haven't fucked any other little bitch since then, I'm your little whore, and I want to
be your whore again, I want you to beat me, and choke me, spit on my face, eat my pussy
and asshole, I want you to rape me, until I'm your little submissive slut again, I
promise I'll do good, I won't disappoint you, I promise, don't you hear how what I am, don't
you hear how badly I need you to rape me in front of your friends again, I can only masturbate
to the memories so much, I need new memories sir, I promise I'll be so good sir, I swear
on it, I'll suck your toes, kiss your feet, lick all over your hard, perfect body, I'll
be your perfect slave again, better than I was last time, I'll moan, and beg for you,
I'll keep your cock absolutely empty, I just want to cum for you, please, god I can't
I hope you're masturbating to me wherever you are, I know you've got videos of us, recorded
scenes of you raping me, I bet you're sitting down stroking your perfect fat cock while
you watch us, while you watch your perfect little girl, god I want to cum so badly, I
want you to cum with me, please, just do it, I'm gonna cum so hard thinking of you coating
my little whore face in your cum while your friends watch, I'm gonna make you so proud,
please sir, oh fuck, please sir, please, please cum for me, please, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck,
I'm so frustrated, I just want you to own me again, to slap me, fuck me, choke me, own
me, please kidnap me again, you know I'll struggle like a good girl, I can take it,
I promise, guess this is another unsuccessful attempt, god what's wrong with me, oh it must
be time for that run I suppose.