Welcome, lost soul, enter the mysterious domain of Madame Rose.
Do you come to me and my tarot cards for guidance?
Do you wish to ask the arcane what destiny awaits you?
For the small price of- oh, oh, you're just looking around?
Phew, thank god.
Thought I was going to have another tarot reading, which, eh, I don't know if I would
have managed.
Just look around as much as you want.
Just the little jangly things over there are for sale, I think.
Oh?
What?
No, no, no, in case it wasn't obvious, I'm not Madame Rose herself.
We're a family though, I'm her niece.
I'm filling in for this year, just for a couple of days, which as far as the bad decision
goes, it's in, I don't know, top 5 at least.
Oh no, god no, I'm pretty much the worst.
At least these days.
I used to be really into tarot reading when I was a teenager, but that's long ago now.
That's how I bonded with my aunt, actually.
Oh, she's an amazing woman.
Love her to death.
She used to be sort of like a cool sister, you know?
The one you could talk to when your mother wasn't listening.
She's still great, really, I just hadn't seen her in years.
Then she came down with a fever right before the new age festival and thought I'd be a
suitable replacement.
I didn't have the heart to tell her.
You know that I'd kind of grown out of the whole mind-body-spirit thing, so I couldn't
really say no.
I should've just told her.
I've got myself to blame for this.
Yeah, it's been a mess of cosmic proportions.
I tried to refresh my memory of some YouTube tutorials.
God, I was so not prepared for this.
People here take their fortune readings very seriously.
Before lunch I got so many dubious glances from the customers I lost count.
Oh no, after lunch they stopped coming in at all.
I guess word was spreading around the festival, I haven't had any customers since.
This was just a giant mistake.
I guess I just don't fit here anymore.
People here really believe in all this stuff.
You know, the tarot cards and potions and the zodiac and the zen.
I mean, I still think it's all pretty neat, I just don't have that devotion to it, you
know?
Like, I bought this amulet from a lady yesterday.
Here, look at this.
I thought, hey, cool necklace, and she gave me a lecture on how it's an amulet of the
Celtic sex and fertility goddess, and all that fortune it would bring me.
I felt like she went on for hours, I was embarrassed for just liking the way it looked.
Thank you.
It does kind of look cute, doesn't it?
I hope it's not a cultural appropriation kind of thing.
I don't want to offend anyone.
Certainly not the Celtic fertility goddess.
Oh, the horrible things she could do to me.
Or the good things, I guess.
If I gave proper offerings, whatever that might be, couldn't that be cool, don't you
think?
If you'd really believe in it, you could go on your next date knowing the freaking Celtic
sex goddess has your back.
Exactly, even if it's all nonsense, you might do well from the confidence boost, sort of
like a placebo.
Or one of those kids movies, you know?
You never needed to tell this man.
All you had to do was believe in yourself.
Oh, what?
Well, I don't know, there's always a chance it could work, right?
I can't prove it doesn't.
Plus, it's a nice touch to this ridiculous psilocyte-kepsi outfit.
God, I can't believe they thought it was a good idea to wear this.
No, it's just not authentic.
It looks like I went to the Halloween store and picked up this Luddie Fartrenteller costume.
But thank you, I'm glad somebody enjoys it.
Come to think of it, you might be the first person walking in here to not be sorely disappointed.
Which is nice.
Haven't had a single good conversation all day long.
You don't look like the kind of guy who usually shows up at these things.
You're here with anyone?
Girlfriend?
Oh, your friend dragged you here, huh?
Let me guess, he signed up for that meditation session by the lake and sitting still for
three hours?
Didn't sound like your thing?
I'm sorry for you, man.
These places certainly aren't for everyone.
Me?
Oh, I'm gonna sound like I hate this, right?
I don't.
I generally don't.
I mean, this year has been horrible, don't get me wrong.
But when I was a little girl, I used to come here all the time.
My aunt would talk to me, I would walk around all wide-eyed.
Smelling the incense, looking at all the pretty stones.
Then, as I got older, I really got into the whole thing.
But then though, I think I was mostly in it for the pretty boys instead.
Oh yeah, at least like 90% of the reason I got started with the whole thing was because
a guy I liked was into crystal healing.
It was embarrassing.
I mean, that's what gets to, though, right?
It's not like I was the only one, but still.
I had such a massive crush.
He used to walk around shirtless, his chest glistening.
We actually hooked up a couple of years later, even dated for a while, towards the end of
my wicca face.
Yeah, I had the wicca face, but we're not talking about that.
Less sad about it, the better.
But I think I was kind of growing out of it by then, which, thank god for that.
I think that's when I stopped, too.
You know, chasing all these alternative lifestyle guys.
It's a bit of a shame, though.
Part of me misses it.
New age festival hookups always had a certain charm to them.
Oh yeah, you have no idea.
Just imagine.
Hot summer evenings, kissing in a sunset jump at a lake, sneaking off behind one of the
tents.
Oh now you're getting interested.
Maybe this new age nonsense isn't so bad after all.
How about it?
Would you have been a true believer if it meant you got to have a summer fling with
a fortune teller's daughter?
Me?
Oh no, that part of my life is over.
No way I would try to pick up another guy at the fair.
Or well, not a crystal healer at least.
If it was somebody else though, you never know.
So how about it?
Do you want me to read your fortune?
No?
You're fine, thank you.
You don't believe it, do you?
It's all just an elaborated scam, right?
I wonder, why did a rational man of science such as yourself wander into a fortune telling
tent?
Was fate guiding your steps, or did something in here catch your eye?
The decorations, maybe?
Come on, you can tell me.
Ah, the fortune teller, huh?
You thought she looked interesting?
You know what?
I think you should let me do a territory reading.
I have good feelings about things to come.
I'll even do it for free.
That's how good a feeling I've got.
Let me just shuffle my deck.
What?
No, I'm not arranging anything.
I'm just sorting out all the bad energy, making sure the arcane is aligned.
Now let me place these cards out in the classic foundation formation.
On here, and here, and then like this.
Perfect.
Let's start with this one right here.
This card represents your near future.
And keep in mind, these are events that may or may not transpire, depending on what choices
you make.
Let's flip it and see what we've got.
Oh, the lovers.
That's a promising sign, don't you think?
It's a very powerful card, and foresees emotion, lust, pleasure.
Do you like where this is going?
I can tell you, I do like where this is going.
Should we flip another card?
How about this horizontal one here?
This one represents your options, the tools you have at your disposal.
Let's see.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, the tower.
Well, well, very strong symbolism in this card.
I can feel the energy emanating from it, pulsating.
I think, I think it's turned the wrong way, though.
I think it needs to be turned, upright, standing strong and firm, pointing right towards this
guide here.
Let's flip it and see what we find.
Six of wands, hmm, symbolizing resolution, climax, if you will.
So that's six of wands.
I think we also need to flip this card, and oh, would you look at that, nine of wands.
I think I'm getting a firm grasp of your future.
Some of the details are a little blurry, though.
I think tarot cards can get me any thirder.
I think I will have to read your palm.
Would you like me to do that?
Let me just close the tent up first.
None of my customers coming in here anyway, and reading palms can be a very intense procedure.
Wouldn't want anybody to interrupt this.
Oh, there's only one chair on this side.
No problem.
I can sit on your lap, right?
Good.
Now give me your hand.
You've got such shapely fingers, a nice long curve on your faith line.
Does it tickle when I run my finger along it?
Yeah, this is all part of the reading.
It's an ancient Sumerian technique, and it's all becoming clear to me.
I can see what awaits you now, something soft, something warm.
I'm starting to see something.
What?
Do you want to know more?
We're going to have to proceed to the next step of the reading.
I want you to take your hand and place it here, on my breast.
Oh yes, squeeze it a little.
Can you maybe pinch my nipple?
Oh yes, I can definitely see where this is going, but I'm going to need you to put your
hand on my skin.
Slide it up underneath my top.
Oh yeah, now take your other hand and slowly slide it up my leg, up under my skirt, just
a little further.
No, I'm not wearing underwear.
Can't find the pair that went with that outfit, or maybe I had premonitions about today.
Now for this next part, you will have to take your finger and…
Oh, you know about this step, do you?
I can tell, this isn't the first time you do this, is it?
Stroking my lips with your thumb, just feeling my wetness, moving it up towards my clit.
Oh yes, that's right, it feels good.
Can you do one last thing for me?
Can you take your finger and slide it in me?
Can you do that?
Yeah, that's right, tease me a little at first, just let it circle gently before you.
Oh yeah, all the way in.
Do you feel that?
Do you feel me pulsating around your finger?
Oh yes, that's good.
Now take it out and let me taste it.
Let me taste my juices, feel your finger in my mouth, I can see it now, what the future
has in store.
Do you believe me?
You believe I can read your future in your hand?
Well, even if I can't, I can read your cock, the way it's growing hard, pressing against
me, telling me exactly what's gonna happen.
You can sit right here while I get down on my knees and just lightly tease this bulge
with my fingertips.
Looks like the Celtic fertility goddess is good to me after all, answering my prayers.
Oh, Celtic goddess of sex, thank you for bestowing upon me thy boon.
Now witness as I ceremoniously uncover this splendid, magnificent cock, and feast mine
eyes upon its glory, as I grip it in my hand, feeling it, stroking it, be my witness as
I lick this drop of fertile pre-cum, using my tongue to wrap it all over your tip.
Wants me, oh goddess, as I take this cock into my mouth, oh god, you taste so good.
I love the way your cock feels in my mouth.
Do you like this?
When I cup your balls, while sucking you off, wrapping my lips around your head, stroking
your shaft, oh god, I love it.
Can you stand up for me?
That's good, this way I can touch myself.
Seems right, doesn't it?
The Celtic goddess would want us both to feel good, don't you think?
She would want me pleasing myself while sucking your cock, oh god, yes, this feels so good,
this makes me, oh god, I feel how far I can take it in.
This makes me want to come, I feel you just releasing, while I, oh god, oh god, oh god,
I want you to lie down, I know it's a little dirty, here, let me take off my shirt, now
my skirt.
We can use it as a blanket, here we go, now get on your back, carefully not to kick up
dust, wouldn't want it to get in your face, no there's only one thing I want in your face,
lie down, good.
How about this, do you like this view?
Do you like looking up into my pussy, seeing my juices running down my thigh?
Let me sit down on your face, is that good for you?
Now please, let me feel you, let me feel your tongue, oh yeah that's good, oh god your tongue
feels amazing, I keep doing that while I lean forward, oh god, oh fuck that feels good,
I'm not gonna, I can't stay quiet, I need to, oh god I love that, keep eating me out,
keep feeling me all over you, my pussy grinding on your face, oh god it feels so good, oh
god I'm gonna come, keep doing that, don't stop, yeah just like that, yes, yes, I'm gonna
push you, oh god.
Oh, that was good.
Did you like that?
Feeling my orgasm on your face, while you're touching cock in my mouth?
You're so close now, I can feel you throbbing as I stroke it.
I want you to feel your cum.
I want you to feel it explode into my mouth.
Are you ready?
Are you ready to cum for me?
Oh yeah, cum for me.
Oh wow, and here I was afraid I was going to be too loud, don't worry about it, I'm
sure nobody around us anyway.
Let me just...
I don't care if the ground is dirty, I've just got to lay down for a second.
Oh look, I think you've got a bit of cum on my necklace.
Oh I don't think she's offended in the least, she probably took it as an offering, a sign
of your deep devotion.
And you know what?
I'm sure she wouldn't mind getting some more.
I know I wouldn't.
What time is it?
Oh shit, the meditation is almost up then, right?
You had better get back to your friend.
Here let me just...
I've got one last card for you, let me see.
I think I've got a pen here somewhere.
Alan Drew Rose is going to have to forgive me for this, I'll have to get her a new tower
card.
I just really, really need to give you this number.
What is it for?
You know those sleazy phone mediums?
The ones who can't tell the future of our shit?
Just tell you all the things you want to hear?
I guess you could say it's for one of those, except cheaper.
And I've actually got a feeling you're going to want to call this one.
Call it a premonition, if you will.