Hello everyone! I've never really done a disclaimer before an audio before, but I
decided that before this comfort audio that I would just give a little shout
out, give a little explanation, but I've been talking a lot about aftercare and
comfort audios with several different listeners and VAs and a lot of it seems
very personal or things that have been requested and this one that you are
about to listen to is quite personal to me. A lot of times we seek to comfort
our partners in ways that we want, not ways that they need. As someone who has
been a survivor of cancer, a lot of times people handle you with kids gloves.
They tend to think that you need more care, they tend to be very soft with you
and as someone who likes the pain with her pleasure, as someone who is a brat
and likes to be choked and all of these other things, it's quite frustrating
which is why I always talk about communication being key. So it is quite
frustrating when I just want my partner to be a little rough with me and they
refuse to because they know my history and they don't trust my judgment
over my body. So that's what this audio is about. It's about bringing that type
of comfort, about having that communication, that talk of hello, you don't know my
body as well as I know my body. That's what this audio is about. I hope you
enjoy and thank you so much for listening.
Hey babe, how are you?
Yeah?
I don't know.
I wanted to talk.
You gotta stick.
So tell me, how was your day?
I swear, all the shit you've had to deal with this year, it's been stressful.
I don't want to make you more stressed, but there's something that I did want to talk about.
No, no, no.
I'm not going anywhere.
But I would like to have a conversation about something.
If you're willing to listen.
So, the other night, I asked you to do something for me in bed.
Would you relax?
I want to talk about it.
Because I want to know if you said no to that, because you're uncomfortable doing
it, which in the case, that's perfectly fine.
I understand your limits and I respect them.
Or, if you're making a decision for me, and what you think I can handle, in which
case, this is why we're having this conversation, I know that we took a big step, and I asked
you to go to my oncologist appointment, and it was the first time that you really had
to sit there and realize what it was that I've had to deal with, and that whilst I'm
not cured, I am doing better.
So there really isn't anything to worry about.
I am taking care of myself, and that's the most important part.
So, my question is simple.
Did you say no to choking me in bed?
Because I had cancer? Or, because you didn't want to do it?
No, I get it, I get that you worry.
I get that you look at me differently now, I get that.
But I'm still me.
I still deserve to do the things that I want to do, in and out of the bedroom, as long
as I don't push myself, as long as I feel rested, as long as I listen to my body.
I've known it for a while now.
This also isn't the first time that I've had cancer.
I know it's scary for you.
I know you've never had to deal with it, so you're worried.
And I get that.
Babe, look at me.
You can never hurt me beyond the limit of what I want.
I need you to know that.
I know that you, you like a little pain with your pleasure.
I know I like a little pain with my pleasure.
Please, please don't be afraid to touch me, okay?
Because I really, really, I need to know that my body is mine.
That it doesn't belong to some disease.
That that thing that's had so much control over my life, I can't let it control this.
I can't give cancer this.
I can't give it the pleasure I receive from being with you and the things that we do together.
I cannot allow it to take this from me too.
Please tell me that you get that.
I know.
I know you love me.
I'm scared too.
For the longest time, so much changed what food I could eat, what meds I had to take.
I couldn't use this laundry detergent, this irritated my skin, everything, hair.
My body wasn't my own.
Everyone got a say, doctors, my family, everyone.
Everyone got a say in what happened to me.
But me, this I control.
This is mine.
You're mine.
And I want, I want to do these things with you because I trust you not to hurt me.
I trust you to trust me.
Please.
Please.
Just trust me a little on this, okay?
Shut up.
Shut up.
Oh, because you say the most ridiculous things.
Who looks cute when they cry?
Good Lord.
I love you too.
Give me a kiss.
I want a kiss, please.
Okay, now, go pick up our breakfast.
I want bagels and coffee.
Yeah, from that place around the corner.
Hey, we're going to try again, okay?
I love you.