1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:06,160 Hello everyone! I've never really done a disclaimer before an audio before, but I 2 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:11,600 decided that before this comfort audio that I would just give a little shout 3 00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:18,880 out, give a little explanation, but I've been talking a lot about aftercare and 4 00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:27,680 comfort audios with several different listeners and VAs and a lot of it seems 5 00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:35,280 very personal or things that have been requested and this one that you are 6 00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:44,360 about to listen to is quite personal to me. A lot of times we seek to comfort 7 00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:52,520 our partners in ways that we want, not ways that they need. As someone who has 8 00:00:52,520 --> 00:01:02,920 been a survivor of cancer, a lot of times people handle you with kids gloves. 9 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:08,600 They tend to think that you need more care, they tend to be very soft with you 10 00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:17,880 and as someone who likes the pain with her pleasure, as someone who is a brat 11 00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:23,560 and likes to be choked and all of these other things, it's quite frustrating 12 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:28,920 which is why I always talk about communication being key. So it is quite 13 00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:34,380 frustrating when I just want my partner to be a little rough with me and they 14 00:01:34,380 --> 00:01:42,000 refuse to because they know my history and they don't trust my judgment 15 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:47,640 over my body. So that's what this audio is about. It's about bringing that type 16 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:54,600 of comfort, about having that communication, that talk of hello, you don't know my 17 00:01:54,600 --> 00:02:00,040 body as well as I know my body. That's what this audio is about. I hope you 18 00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:05,880 enjoy and thank you so much for listening. 19 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:09,880 Hey babe, how are you? 20 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:12,880 Yeah? 21 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:16,880 I don't know. 22 00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:18,880 I wanted to talk. 23 00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:20,880 You gotta stick. 24 00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:24,880 So tell me, how was your day? 25 00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:37,880 I swear, all the shit you've had to deal with this year, it's been stressful. 26 00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:45,880 I don't want to make you more stressed, but there's something that I did want to talk about. 27 00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:49,880 No, no, no. 28 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,880 I'm not going anywhere. 29 00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:57,880 But I would like to have a conversation about something. 30 00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:01,880 If you're willing to listen. 31 00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:14,880 So, the other night, I asked you to do something for me in bed. 32 00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:17,880 Would you relax? 33 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:20,880 I want to talk about it. 34 00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:30,880 Because I want to know if you said no to that, because you're uncomfortable doing 35 00:03:30,880 --> 00:03:35,880 it, which in the case, that's perfectly fine. 36 00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:39,880 I understand your limits and I respect them. 37 00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:48,880 Or, if you're making a decision for me, and what you think I can handle, in which 38 00:03:48,880 --> 00:04:02,880 case, this is why we're having this conversation, I know that we took a big step, and I asked 39 00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:11,880 you to go to my oncologist appointment, and it was the first time that you really had 40 00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:18,880 to sit there and realize what it was that I've had to deal with, and that whilst I'm 41 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:22,880 not cured, I am doing better. 42 00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:26,880 So there really isn't anything to worry about. 43 00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:35,880 I am taking care of myself, and that's the most important part. 44 00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:44,880 So, my question is simple. 45 00:04:44,880 --> 00:04:52,880 Did you say no to choking me in bed? 46 00:04:52,880 --> 00:05:06,880 Because I had cancer? Or, because you didn't want to do it? 47 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:18,880 No, I get it, I get that you worry. 48 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:22,880 I get that you look at me differently now, I get that. 49 00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:24,880 But I'm still me. 50 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:32,880 I still deserve to do the things that I want to do, in and out of the bedroom, as long 51 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:40,880 as I don't push myself, as long as I feel rested, as long as I listen to my body. 52 00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:42,880 I've known it for a while now. 53 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:46,880 This also isn't the first time that I've had cancer. 54 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:48,880 I know it's scary for you. 55 00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:53,880 I know you've never had to deal with it, so you're worried. 56 00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:58,880 And I get that. 57 00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:04,880 Babe, look at me. 58 00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:09,880 You can never hurt me beyond the limit of what I want. 59 00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:12,880 I need you to know that. 60 00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:19,880 I know that you, you like a little pain with your pleasure. 61 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:24,880 I know I like a little pain with my pleasure. 62 00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:33,880 Please, please don't be afraid to touch me, okay? 63 00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:51,880 Because I really, really, I need to know that my body is mine. 64 00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:56,880 That it doesn't belong to some disease. 65 00:06:56,880 --> 00:07:08,880 That that thing that's had so much control over my life, I can't let it control this. 66 00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:15,880 I can't give cancer this. 67 00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:22,880 I can't give it the pleasure I receive from being with you and the things that we do together. 68 00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:31,880 I cannot allow it to take this from me too. 69 00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:43,880 Please tell me that you get that. 70 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:46,880 I know. 71 00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:54,880 I know you love me. 72 00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:58,880 I'm scared too. 73 00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:04,880 For the longest time, so much changed what food I could eat, what meds I had to take. 74 00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:12,880 I couldn't use this laundry detergent, this irritated my skin, everything, hair. 75 00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:15,880 My body wasn't my own. 76 00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:20,880 Everyone got a say, doctors, my family, everyone. 77 00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:25,880 Everyone got a say in what happened to me. 78 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:29,880 But me, this I control. 79 00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:32,880 This is mine. 80 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:37,880 You're mine. 81 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:48,880 And I want, I want to do these things with you because I trust you not to hurt me. 82 00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:52,880 I trust you to trust me. 83 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:57,880 Please. 84 00:08:57,880 --> 00:08:59,880 Please. 85 00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:06,880 Just trust me a little on this, okay? 86 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,880 Shut up. 87 00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:10,880 Shut up. 88 00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:12,880 Oh, because you say the most ridiculous things. 89 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:15,880 Who looks cute when they cry? 90 00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:22,880 Good Lord. 91 00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:26,880 I love you too. 92 00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:27,880 Give me a kiss. 93 00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:32,880 I want a kiss, please. 94 00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:39,880 Okay, now, go pick up our breakfast. 95 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:42,880 I want bagels and coffee. 96 00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:47,880 Yeah, from that place around the corner. 97 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:53,880 Hey, we're going to try again, okay? 98 00:09:53,880 --> 00:10:03,880 I love you.