This Species Of Love

"This Species of Love"
...an original song by Actaeon 
...written from May 14-23, 1997


(Note: this song is from my musical-in-progress, "The Phantom Of The Zoo," 
and is _NOT_ autobiographical (fortunately). It's about a zookeeper who is 
caught being intimate with his animals, loses his job and finds himself on 
trial for "abuse." The song takes place while the jury is deliberating and 
the courtroom is empty.)


"This Species of Love"

I held my lips so tightly sealed
And kept my thoughts and deeds concealed
Although I cannot see why I should have to hide
There is love in many places
In those fond and furry faces
And my feelings tear me up from deep inside

It hurts to hide from day to day
How much I want the world to say
That it is safe for me to truly be myself
I try to laugh but feel like hell
At all the jokes that people tell
I have to fake it while my heart sits on a shelf

If they could only read my mind
Then they would see just how unkind
It is to make fun of the different and the new
I cause no harm to anyone
I do not do this just for fun
It is my life, my love, my god, what can I do?

Chorus:
   This species of love is endangered
   To the hazards of life I'm no stranger
   If its habitat is shrinking
   It is due to people's thinking
   But I cannot hold my breath awaiting change

I walked the aisles from dusk 'till dawn
It was my duty to check on
The many animals whose health was my first care
And if one should welcome me
Into its heart, how could it be
So bad to give it what it could not get elsewhere?

We say that animals need love
But we have no idea of
How true that is until they make their feelings clear
They ask for love in many ways
The begging paw, the piercing gaze
We shun their urges for we don't want them that near

The subtle cues that life forms give
To signal they would like to live
Much closer to us than we may have ever known
Are lost on those who do not see
Or those who turn away and flee
From honest sentiments an animal has shown

Chorus:
   This species of love is threatened
   I don't like the looks that I'm gettin'
   All the carnivores are smiling
   And their gaze is so beguiling
   And I know I'm just a snack along the way

But to those folks who realize
The meaning in those big brown eyes
There are rewards that simply cannot be explained
The purest love's a simple pleasure
With a partner who won't measure
Your performance or your size or cause you pain

It's not for everyone, it's true
You can't be trained to be a zoo
You must be born, you can't be made to find it nice
If you are zoo, you'll find out soon
Some horse or dog will make you swoon
And just to be with it you'll pay most any price

I've paid the ultimate for mine
There is a chance I may serve time
And be forbidden to be with the love I claim
What other lifestyles can there be
In which the victims aren't set free
But are instead convinced that they are who to blame?

Chorus:
   This species of love is frightened
   Conclusions are drawn, nooses tightened
   What seems inane or sickening
   Is what sets my pulse to quickening 
   Any fool can see you need more time to think

Despite the jury's padded walls
I hear the laughs and hooting calls
Of jurors having fun at my expense and "sin"
I cannot fault them for their mirth
For they were all of "normal" birth
But all the same it makes me sad to hear them grin

When they come out, what will have passed?
Will I have lost my job at last?
Will I be banned from every place that's made me smile?
Will I be made to wear a sign
That tells the world about my crime
A scarlet "Z" across my chest for "Zoophile"?

At least a "Z" means "zoophilist"
It beats a "B" for "bestialist"
There's more to being "Z" than "B," I hope they've heard
And if the verdict that they bring
Is that I need some counseling
How can they ever know for certain I am cured?

Chorus:
   This species of love is uncertain
   As to whom I'm supposed to be hurtin'
   I don't need no Deprovera
   Or that talk show host Rivera
   I just want to hug my dog until they're through

Immune to thoughts of church and state
Inside that room they choose my fate
Dear foreman, help them make that choice with open minds
Please tell the judge to set me free
Give back my animals to me
And prove that love and justice both are truly blind

I am no threat to man or beast
Your kids are safe, from me at least
The schoolyard bullies are a far more gruesome foe
So point your fingers, tell your jokes,
I can withstand your jabs and pokes
And when you're done with me, please dust me off and go

Just let me be with who I choose
If I'm at home, what can you lose?
I'll close the doors and shades to keep you in the dark
I'm not demanding special rights
Just want to hold my loved ones tight
The same as anyone whose lover doesn't bark

Chorus:
   This species of love won't be eaten
   By predators who think he's beaten
   While I keep my love in hiding
   It's my time I will be biding
   Till the closet door is broken down at last