"The Moose Song"

Not a parody as such, but an original composition.
Submitted by "Mad Jack" on 3/22/97; author unknown.

(1)
When I was a young man I used to like girls,
I'd fondle their bodies, I'd fondle their curls,
Till the last one ran off with a salesman named Bruce,
You'd never be treated like that by a Moose.

   (CHORUS)
   And it's MOOSE! MOOSE! I want a Moose,
   I have never had anything quite like a Moose,
   I've had many women, my life has been loose,
   But I've never had anything quite like a Moose.

(2)
When I'm in the mood for a very good lay,
I go to the barn and I get out some hay,
I open a window and spread it around,
Cause a Moose always comes when there's hay on the ground.

   (CHORUS)

(3)
At the end of a dusty day walking my post,
I dream of those pleasures I fancy the most,
And to lure the great beasty I'll play my kazoo,
Cause a Moose in the boots is worth ten in the zoo.

   (CHORUS)

(4)
The Royal Kings Rangers are strange it is said,
They all grab a lamb when they crawl into bed,
They moan and they bleat and they roll on the ground,
We don't settle for lambchops when Moose are around.

   (CHORUS)

(5)
Bears are quite nice on a cold winters night,
Coyotes and Bobcats will put up a fight,
But there's no greater joy and it is the truth,
Than when I ram the butt of a big sexy Moose.

   (CHORUS)

(6)
I've done it with all sorts of beasties with hair,
I'd do it with snakes if their fangs weren't there,
I've done it with a Yak, a dog and a goose,
But I'll run in a minute if I see a Moose.

   (CHORUS)

(7)
We've broken no laws in these United States,
But they've thrown us in prison and locked up the gates,
Tomorrow they say we might swing by the noose,
Give me one last night with a big sexy Moose.

   (CHORUS)

(8)
And now I'm much older, advanced in my years,
I'll cry me no sorrows, I'll shed me no tears,
I'll stand on the porch with a glass of Matuss,
Playing hide the salami with Martha the Moose.

   (CHORUS)

   (END)