"I Heard the News Today"
...a song parody by Actaeon 

[A true story, written and posted on December 26, 1996, 
the day I learned "Gus" (the male German Shepherd I write 
about on my web pages) had been neutered.]

(Sung to the tune of "A Day in the Life" by The Beatles.)

I heard the news today, oh boy
My German Shepherd lover just got fixed
And though my folks were overjoyed
I turned away to mourn
My Samson's hair is shorn

I met him as a four-month pup
And even then he knew what they were for
I let him follow me one day
And when alone we'd play
Seconds later he was humping like there was no end in sight

We met whenever it was safe
We learned to please each other as time passed
I grew to love him more and more
We kept a secret tryst
He gave me my first kiss

He loved to turn me on

But now, his spirit's gone
Sheared away by scalpel's gleam
What's the future hold if not his love
And looking down I see he's not the same
I have to know, will he still hump?
Nothing left for him to pump
He'll be different now, there'll be a change
Why'd they have to sever all our dreams?

(ahhhhh ahh ahh ahhhhh...)

I heard the news today, oh boy
Two little organs in a silver tray
They say he'll be a better pet
They haven't proved it yet
Now I'll never know how it would feel for him to tie with me

I loved to turn him on