"Growing Up a Zoophile"
...a song parody by Actaeon 

(Sung to the tune of Supertramp's "Breakfast in America")

(Posted 8/19/97)

"Go and look for a girlfriend,"
My folks always said to me
But I'm in love with Man's Best Friend
She's the one I want to see

Life's confusing, self-accusing,
Growing up a zoophile
Tried a "Playboy" for self-abusing
But switched to "DogFancy" instead
And I took some Kleenex to bed

"Can't you find love with a human?"
Woe is me, oh woe is me
Both my parents were fumin'
'Cos I'm not what I'm 'sposed to be

First they blamed me, then they shamed me,
"How could you do this to us?"
I can't help what overcame me
I cried all night long in my bed
Sometimes I wished I were dead

Now I look at my girlfriend
Who nuzzles my concerns away
At times like this, she's a godsend
Without her love I'd be astray

I had friends in furry places
Growing up a zoophile
They refreshed me like an oasis
I'm proud of the love that we've known
When I'm with them I'm never alone