"Right and Wrong Ways for a Zoo to Die"

by SharpFang


One day I was crossing a street and a car almost ran over me. I thought 
"I have to be more cautious, it's the wrong way for a zoo to die." 
Then I thought, "What is the -right- way for a zoo to die...?"


Wrong: Under a car.
Right: Under a horse's hooves.

Wrong: In a plane crash during a business trip.
Right: In a plane crash going to ZooCon.

Wrong: From a heart attack in your bed.
Right: From a heart attack -in- your mare.

Wrong: With your heart torn by Satanists.
Right: With your anus torn by dog's knot.

Wrong: Eaten by cannibals.
Right: Eaten by a tigress.

Wrong: Shot by the night guard in a bank.
Right: Shot by the night guard in a zoo.

Wrong: Choked by a chicken bone.
Right: Choken by a dog's "bone."

Wrong: From AIDS.
Right: From rabies.

Wrong: Drowned.
Right: Stuck in a dolphin.

Wrong: In a burning house, rescuing a child.
Right: In a burning house, rescuing a kitten.

Wrong: From thirst and hunger in the desert.
Right: From thirst and hunger at the keyboard, logged into Sleepy or Lintilla.

Wrong: As a soldier killed by partizans.
Right: As a soldier killed by cavalry (refused shooting).

Wrong: Hung for assault and robbery.
Right: Burnt by the holy inquisition.