Why Dogs Are Better Than Women A dog will let you put a studded collar on it and will not call you a pervert A dog's disposition stays the same all month long A dog's parents never visit A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink Anyone can get a good-looking dog Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across Dogs are excited by rough play Dogs are not allowed in Harrods or Selfridges Dogs aren't catty Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair Dogs can't talk Dogs don't borrow your shirts Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo Dogs don't cry Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late Dogs don't hate their bodies Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name Dogs don't shop Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you ever had Dogs don't worry about germs Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry. Dogs like beer Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor Dogs like to do their snooping outside as opposed to in your wallet, desk, and the back of your sock drawer. Dogs like to ride in the back of pick-up trucks Dogs love it when your friends come over Dogs love long car trips Dogs never criticize Dogs never expect gifts Dogs never need to examine the relationship Dogs never want foot rubs Dogs seldom outlive you Dogs think you sing great Dogs understand that all animals smaller than dogs were made to be hunted Dogs understand that farts are funny Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs Dogs would rather have you buy them a hamburger dinner than a lobster one If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it It's legal to keep a dog chained up at your house No dog ever bought a Kenny G album No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you When a dog gets old and starts to snap at you incessantly, you can shoot it You never have to wait for a dog. They're ready to go 24 hrs a day