    "King of Danes"
    ...a song parody by Actaeon

    (Sung to the tune of "King of Pain" by The Police. Completed 4/29/98.)

    There's a harlequin Dane in my room today
    That's my dog in there
    When there's no one around, we will start to play
    That's my dog up there
    There's a big black Dane, and he waits his turn
    That's my dog back there
    When I'm ready for him, I feel my insides churn
    That's my dog up there

    When my fiancee saw me, she said "You're insane!"
    But my love for my dogs I simply can't contain
    Whether fawn, black or brindle, my libido's plain
    For it's my destiny to be the king of Danes

    There's a harlequin Dane just over three feet tall
    There's a brindle who humped my leg in study hall
    There's a fawn-colored female who just came in heat
    I want her so badly that I just can't eat

    There's a kennel downtown with a worn-out fence
    I've a pair of bolt-cutters and it all makes sense
    There's a full moon tonight and a cloudy sky
    It's a marvelous night to get a brand-new tie

    There's a German Shepherd with an eye for me
    And a cute yellow lab I'm always glad to see
    But they don't hold a candle to my favorite lay
    From the love they give I will not stray
    That's my Dane in there

    I have tried to get cozy with a Saint Bernard
    But like all other breeds, they just don't get me hard
    Tried a well-hung bullmastiff, it just caused me pain
    No, it's my destiny to be the king of Danes

    I'll always be...king of Danes... (repeat and fade)

visits since 4/29/97

Index -- Updated Wednesday, April 29, 1998 -- E-mail Actaeon