# Other People's Zoo Limericks

Here's a collection of zoo limericks (besides my own) which I've compiled from various sources. I am always seeking to increase my collection, so I welcome contributions. I would like to make this web page the "official" archive for limericks involving zoophilia and/or animal erotica. Also, if I have mis-attributed or overlooked any authors, let me know. Enjoy!

## Limericks Written by Other Zoos

... by Animale | ... by Breath | ... by Canine | ... by "CD" | ... by Crinos | ... by Darkwolf | ... by Dogstar
... by Equidog | ... by Equuleus | ... by Jerrit | ... by LiLo | ... by "LK" | ... by Marduk | ... by Mr. Imp
... by Muttnik | ... by Ravage | ... by Rings | ... by RR | ... by Starfall | ... by Toccatta

## Historical Limericks, by Subject

Most of the following are taken from The New Limerick, edited by G. Legman. I've slightly modified a few of them, where I felt rhyme or rhythm could be improved. My apologies to those who object to my tampering with this fine literature. :) Sources for these limericks include: alt.sex.bestiality, alt.jokes.limericks, alt.tasteless.jokes, rec.equestrian, the Equine-L mailing list, and various web pages.

Arthropods | Bears | Beavers | Birds | Camels and Kin | Cats | Cattle and Kin | Cetaceans
Deer | Dinosaurs | Dogs | Donkeys and Mules | Elephants | Fish and other Sea Creatures
Gnus | Goats | Horses | Micro-Organisms | Moles | Pigs | Pinnipeds | Porcupines | Primates
Rabbits | Reptiles and Amphibians | Rodents and Such | Sea Creatures | Sheep | Squirrels
Wolves and Foxes | Zebras | Other African Animals | Other Fictional Creatures
Miscellaneous

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    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Limericks Written by Animale:
    The young whale trainer had a fit,
    "By the teeth of me lover I was bit."
    Said Shim "I thot that me whale
    was a sexy female,
    an I was just testing the fit."

    "I thrust deep inside her sweet venus,
    Till out popped this long fleshy penis!
    I wuz fine till I pulled out
    and our gay whale did pout
    so now I'm renaming his genus!"

    "Orcinus orgasmus! Genus name..."
    the young trainer said through his pain.
    "I'ze a hetero trainer!"
    and dove in with a gainer
    "But now I'll try this new game!"

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Limericks Written by Breath:
    I dated a mare who played pranks
    While I loitered close to her flanks.
    But quicker than words,
    I scooped up her turds
    And all of my gardens say thanks!

    I once had a lover equine
    Who chomped on this pecker of mine
    That's how, on a lark,
    I got a big mark,
    And lost inches seven through nine.

    I once thought my filly named Rose
    Could do with some sexier clothes.
    But I wasn't ready
    For her in a teddy
    So once again, naked she goes.

    I met a fine gelding one night
    And showed him forgotten delight.
    We dallied for weeks,
    Had quite a few peaks,
    Now, how can you say that's not right?

    Not only a stroke of the peter,
    Simultaneous swipe at a skeeter!
    This time that I pass,
    Long hours in the grass,
    Could hardly be neater or sweeter.

    Tonight when I meet with a mare,
    My fingers will go through her hair.
    Our hot lovers' rush
    Will make the moon blush
    But we'll be too busy to care.

    I learned to my great excitation
    I'm capable of levitation!
    Through pastures I fly,
    'bout one haybale high,
    Pursuing a pink destination.

    I fence-hopped one evening to find
    A filly of similar mind.
    Our lovers' embrace
    Was more than a taste,
    It left us completely entwined.

    One evening I laid with a mare,
    Enjoying the quiet night air.
    But when she rolled over,
    Then I bit the clover,
    Got flattened, and still didn't care.

    If ever a mare gives you pleasure,
    It's something that you'll always treasure.
    You puff and you try,
    Though only a guy,
    And nowhere near her fullest measure.

    There was a fence hopper named Lutz
    - though eager, a bit of a klutz.
    He wracked his poor brain
    To try to explain
    The barbed-wire cuts on his putz.

       (My apologies to anyone named Lutz out there...)

    I'm sending these lines through my modem;
    To foolish mistakes I'll devote 'em.
    For I hadn't planned
    On that barbed top strand -
    To this day, that fence has my scrotum.

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Limericks Written by Canine:
    There was a young lad from Sandusky,
    Who wanted to mate with his Husky.
    "But because she's Siberian,
    Our goodbye was a teary one,
    'Cuz my daddy won't harbor a Rusky."

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Limericks Written by CD:
    A cute dromedary named Sue
    Told her randy young rider, Abou
    "You can holler and jump
    But I've only one hump!
    Buy a bactrian if you want two."

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Limericks Written by Crinos:
    There once was a sheep named Flossy,
    Whose fleece was soft and glossy.
    In all kinds of weather,
    Baron Willhelm would bed her,
    'Til she left him for a cow named Bossy...

    A man, in his house, once did spy,
    His wife and dog stuck fast in a tie.
    He said with a grin
    To the pooch trapped within,
    "Better she, this time, than I..."

    An aquatic young zoo named Jim,
    Gave oral sex to a shark on a whim.
    He gave the beastie great head,
    But now sadly, he's dead,
    'Cuz the shark took its turn to eat him.

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Limericks Written by Darkwolf:
    A fellow named Blair, on a dare
    Stuck his head in a Percheron mare.
    This rather strange action
    Caused a Helmholtz contraction
    That yanked out most all of his hair.

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Limericks Written by Dogstar:
    A hoser who liked to chew snoose
    Made an improper advance towards a moose.
    It gored him and kicked him,
    Then mounted and dicked him,
    Knocking his testicles loose.

    As Fay Wray once said to King Kong,
    "I don't mind being carried along.
    But I do think it shitty,
    Not pretty, not witty,
    To shovel the cheese from your dong."

    Pity poor Molly McGrew,
    Who declared she knew not what to do.
    After being had in due course
    By three dogs and a horse,
    I'd visit the vet, wouldn't you?

    A zookeeper named Harry McGraff,
    Once tried to fellate a giraffe.
    But the orgasmic splatter
    Knocked him down from his ladder,
    So this poem is his epitaph.

    Jacques Cousteau, or so goes the tale,
    Once tried to pleasure a whale.
    But it took the whole crew
    To accomplish that screw
    Plus the Calypso under full sail.

    A calveryman named Ed Barger,
    Once had an affair with his charger.
    He fondled its dong,
    Which was exceedingly long,
    And steadily grew larger and larger.

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Limericks Written by Equidog:

    A young maiden thought true love she had found
    When a handsome young centaur came 'round
    But one roll in the hay
    And he trotted away
    He was only horsing around

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Limericks Written by Equuleus:

    Dear Dancer, our rides were divine;
    You could turn upon less than a dime.
    Seeking scritches, you'd rub me;
    To court, you'd head-butt me;
    All in all, 'twas a wonderful time.

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Limericks Written by Jerrit:
    The old gay man was quite frugal.
    He would only suck on one noodle.
    His friends were disturbed,
    and found it perverse
    that he would only suck off his poodle.

    Jim Henson was caught in a flubber.
    There was this pig he wanted to bugger.
    So he snuck out at night,
    but it did not feel right.
    You see no one likes humping foam rubber.

    All dogs hate Bob Barker.
    He wants to cut of their knockers.
    He says everyday,
    be sure to neuter and spay.
    It's the dogs who are much smarter.

    Kirk's penis started to dribble.
    He wanted to fuck a tribble.
    According to Spock,
    he had too big a cock.
    The creature only could nibble.

    1. Scooby Doo was in great pain.
       Shaggy wouldn't fuck the Great Dane.
       Fearful of the knot
       that might make him pop,
       Thelma tried to explain it away

    2. He still wasn't convinced.
       The knot still makes him wince.
       To make himself happy,
       he then tried it with Scrappy.
       Now the fear no longer persists.

    Wishbone is on PBS.
    We really are most blessed.
    Unlike most T.V. dogs,
    We can see his nuts and his dong
    whenever he is undressed.

    Lassie is really a male.
    What an exciting tale.
    When with a collie,
    It can be a follie
    to find an opening to nail.

    Red dog sells lots of beer.
    The size of his nuts are unreal.
    Just thinking of his cum
    makes me go yum.
    I really want to give them a feel.

    On the pet department there is Jack,
    A dog who's nuts have been hacked.
    He looks very sad,
    that makes me mad.
    Its the host should have gotten that crap.

    Athough Frasier is a hit,
    I think it's a piece of shit.
    Enough already,
    I just want to see Eddie.
    Maybe I'll catch a glimpse of his dick.

    The George Bush is a gererous man.
    He gives others a hand.
    He promised Billy
    that he could borrow Millie
    if Hillary starts kicking his ass.

    We all know Charlie Brown.
    He always seemed to be down.
    His penis was droopy
    until he saw Snoopy's.
    Now you will never see him frown.

    The transformation was complete.
    The prince was no longer the beast.
    Belle was sad
    because he had the dick of a man.
    She wanted a bovine-like meat

    The Three little pigs was written wrong.
    The wolf just wanted to suck their dong's.
    They didn't admit
    that they couldn't cum worth shit.
    That wolf just sucks to long.

    To mark the end of his youth,
    Mowlgi had sex with Baloo.
    Compared to Baloo's prick
    his was a stick.
    He really felt like a fool.

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Limericks Written by LiLo:

    Maybe it was fate
    that I came too late
    'cause at the promnight
    they wouldn't think 'twas right
    when they'd see I had a dog for a date

    All my live I kept crying
    seriously thought about dying
    till I worked at the zoo
    got head from a 'roo
    and found true love with a lion

    A man wasn't sure animals where the best
    so he put himself to the test
    it drove him insane
    when he sucked a great dane
    now he never won't give it a rest

    At a farm a girl got thrilled
    when she noticed the stallion was well build
    she got down on her knees
    and started to tease
    and got every hole she had filled

    'Sex with a lion' you say
    let me explain, if I may
    when you see its hard dick
    it is not that big
    but he'll take you fifty times in one day

    With lions there are no laws
    it doesn't matter who thinks is boss
    there's only one must
    you do have to trust
    when you put your dick between his jaws

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Limericks Written by "LK":

    Dont worry, said a drafthorse from Bejing
    When the vet. took the reason for mating
    I know i am cut
    But my handler's butt
    Is the best that could happen a gelding

    A young zoo decided to mess
    Warned, but never the less
    leaving the pasture
    With sore butt and fracture
    It was really an airborne express

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Limericks Written by Marduk:

    There once was a man from Rangoon,
    Whose love was to bugger raccoons.
    They'd all come from the trees
    When he fell to his knees,
    Then he'd come, but often, too soon.

    A kinky young lady from Dover,
    Kept a large porcupine for a lover;
    She'd play with his dick
    Till he gave her a prick
    Or two, or more (sometimes all over!)

    An old woman of breeding and class
    has a snake in a box made of glass
    Each time lust overtakes
    Then the glass she doth break
    and fingers her clit and her asp...

    An heiress, whose lust was immense,
    had three goats which she kept in a fence:
    "I take one in my mouth,
    and the others down south;
    my orgasms are truly intense!"

    There was an old man from Peru
    Who enjoyed intercourse with a shrew;
    "My dick is so tiny,
    and my wife is so whiny,
    So tell me, what else should I do?"

    A young Chinese man kept on braggin'
    About hot oral sex with his dragon,
    Til it sneezed, then his thighs,
    Resembled french fries,
    And his prick, something from "Pretzel Wagon."

    There was a young girl from Nanking,
    Whose favorite sexual thing:
    In a hammock to monkey,
    With her little pet donkey.
    She loved getting her ass in a sling.

    A Swiss man once told me "Ivanna,
    make love to a giant iguana!
    Though the claws, they will scratch,
    And the eggs may not hatch,
    It beats getting blowjobs from pirhana!"

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Limericks Written by Mr. Imp:

    A zoo at Sea World, feeling amorous,
    Enticed a dolphin most glamorous.
    When the zoo flirted
    The dolphin squirted
    Uniting the two for-ever-morious.

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Limericks Written by Muttnik:

    Some like to snoop and to pry.
    So in the medicine cabinet they spy your KY.
    They go into a blur.
    It's all covered in fur.
    As fast as can be they say bye-bye.
       ( or maybe they're just going to get the Great Dane. )

    There comes time in a young zoo's life to grope her.
    But she hears the sound of a can-opener.
    Gone to the kitchen.
    Leave'n ya bitch'in.
    Wondering if you'll ever poke-her.

    To the park you two go to smooch on the grass.
    Time for supper is way past.
    But along comes a rabbit.
    As is your mates habit.
    It's dinner for two, blast.
       ( you wanted to kiss, not eat )

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Limericks Written by RR:

    We ogled the zoo's new orang,
    Pumping off, warming up his long thang.
    So--why not emulate
    This impressive primate?
    And start the New Year with a bang!

    "Naval Intelligence"

    A dolphin whose prick was prehensile
    Screwed a cuttlefish with his utensil.
    When he plowed her ink sack
    His cum quickly turned black;
    'Spewed "Happy New Year" with his pencil.

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Limericks Written by Ravage:
    My owner once wanted me snipped
    After many a pants leg were ripped
    I was hauled to the vet
    Who at once said, "Don't fret
    Just make sure that his front nails are clipped."

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Limericks Written by Resident Hyaena:
    There was a box-eater named Tunney
    As good as with rim as with "cunnie".
    One day, on a dare
    He tongued out a bear
    And found that it tasted like honey.

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Limericks Written by Rings:
    Doggerel is really bad verse
    And from furries, it always gets worse
    Our animal rhyming
    Has such awful timing
    You'd think it was some kind of curse

    Hyena girls, between their thighs
    Have a clitoris of massive size
    So like an erection
    It's female perfection
    That even impresses gay guys

    While taking my dog for a walk
    I like to play with his cock
    I just hope no one sees
    What I do while he pees
    I can do without the jealous talk

    When I see a handsome young buck
    I fantasize what I might suck
    I'd kneel and I'd stroke
    And drink come til I'd choke
    But I never get that kind of luck!

    Wolves are such sexy creatures
    They have so many good features
    Their tongues for great kissing
    Their cocks for hard pissing
    For kinky sex, they're ideal teachers

    If you're horny you needn't despair
    If you can find yourself a willing mare
    Just get under her tail
    And you'll find without fail
    The best pony ride anywhere

    Foxes, especially males
    Are always lifting their tails
    They ask you to hump them
    Then reach 'round and pump them
    Their horniness just never fails

    Raccoons have paws just like hands
    And great dexterity at their command
    So they pull their cocks out
    And stroke them about
    And find masturbation quite grand!

    Some wolves enjoy watersports
    Which is why there's wetspots on their shorts
    They'll jack off in their briefs
    Then find bladder relief
    According to many reports

    One of a furry's great joys
    Is to masturbate with their stuffed toys
    With a plush Balto or Simba
    (or my favorite, Kimba)
    And to daydream of Siegfried and Roy's

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Limericks Written by Starfall:
    A unicorn once took a roll
    In the hay with a maiden so droll.
    After quite a good while
    She remarked with a smile,
    "I think I'm expecting your foal."

    Polly, my love, is a mare,
    But to love her I just didn't dare,
    'Till a quick magic spell
    Made me equine as well,
    And now we're the perfect 'matched pair'.

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Limericks Written by Toccatta:
    There once was a man from Gwinnette
    Who had a fine mare for a pet
    He loved her each day
    In a zoophilic way
    And went home with underwear wet.

    There once was a young man named Mitch
    Who decided the Forest was his niche
    So he took his dog home
    And he gave her his bone
    Saying, dontcha know life is a bitch?

    Historical Limericks
    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Arthropods:
    There was a young lady named Schneider,
    Who often kept trysts with a spider.
    She found a strange bliss
    In the hiss of her piss,
    As it strained through the cobwebs inside her.

    There was a young man of St. Paul
    Whose tool was exceedingly small.
    He could bugger a bug
    On the edge of a rug,
    And the bug hardly felt it at all.

    There was a young lady named Mott,
    Who inserted a fly up her twat.
    And pretended the buzz
    Was not what it was,
    But something she knew it was not.

    There was a young lady of Ulva,
    Who kept a pet bee in her handbag,
    Her lover, named Jock,
    Was stung on the arm,
    And to soothe him she bought him a box of best Turkish delight.

    There once was a girl so lovely,
    Who wanted to make love in the bubbly.
    She strapped on her tanks,
    And started her pranks,
    But the lobsters all thought she was ugly.

    There was a young lady from Wheeling
    Who was out in the garden a-kneeling,
    When by some strange chance
    She got ants in her pants,
    And invented Virginia reeling.

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Bears:
    I'm often quite horny and drunk,
    And that beast, he sure was a hunk.
    Horny in the woods,
    He gave me the goods,
    That bear boffed me right in my trunk!

    There was a young man of Eau Claire,
    Who had an affair with a bear.
    But the surly old brute
    With a snap of her snoot,
    Left him only one ball and some hair.

    There was an old person of Ware
    Who had an affair with a bear.
    He explained, "I don't mind,
    For it's gentle and kind,
    But I wish it had slightly less hair."

    There was a young girl named Miss Randall,
    Who kept a young bear cub to dandle.
    She said, "In a pinch
    This bear cub's six inch
    Is almost as good as a candle."

    There was a young girl of Eau Claire,
    Who once was attacked by a bear.
    While chased in a field,
    She tripped and revealed
    Some meat to the bear that was rare.

    There was a young man named St. Clair,
    Who tried to make love to a bear.
    But the nasty old brute,
    Took a swipe at his root,
    Leaving nothing but testes and hair.

    A girl camper once had an affair
    With a fellow all covered with hair.
    When she gave him his hat
    She realized that
    She'd been had by Smokey the Bear.

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Beavers:
    Old trappers were oft heard to say
    The beaver was not a bad lay.
    For the bugger ain't easy
    For the timid or queasy
    For the tail always gets in the way.

    There was a man named McKeever,
    Who had an affair with a beaver.
    The result of this fuck,
    Was a canvasback duck,
    Two canoes and an Irish retriever.
       [Alternate lines 3+4: The result of this rape, was a canvasback drake]

    A trapper named Francois Lefebrve
    Once captured and buggered a beabrve.
    The result of this fuck
    Was a three titted duck,
    A canoe, and an Irish retriebrve.

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Birds:
    While dining on Thanksgiving turkey,
    A woman began acting quirky.
    Without saying a word,
    She made love to the bird --
    The rest of the story gets murky.

    A man in fair St. Domingo,
    Being blase and worn, said, "By Jingo,
    Blast all women and boys,
    I'll try some new joys."
    So he went out and fucked a flamingo.
       (Published 1880)

    An engaged young farmer named Buck,
    By his girl, was surprised with a duck.
    He said, "You may cry or howl,
    But I'm queer for all fowl.
    You must glue on feathers to fuck."

    Two roosters in one of our pens,
    Found their pricks were no larger that wens.
    As they looked at their foreskins
    And wished they had more skins,
    They discovered they'd both become hens.

    A museum assistant at Tring,
    Gave each bird an identity ring:
    One bird could not fly,
    But she knew how to lie,
    And how to play yang to his ying.

    A gruff anthropoid of Piltdown,
    Had a strange way of going to town.
    With maniacal howls,
    He would bugger young owls,
    And polish his balls on their down.

    A bibliophile, name of Ben,
    Had lustful designs on a hen.
    Who, with pleasure and pride,
    Most obligingly cried,
    With a flip of her feathers, "Say when!"

    A vice both obscene and unsavoury
    Has the Mayor of Southampton in slavery.
    With bloodcurdling howls
    He deflowers young owls
    Which he keeps in an underground aviary.

    There was a young man who preferred,
    Having sex with some kind of bird.
    The rarer the species,
    And the fuller of feces,
    The better--that guy really loved turd.

    There was a young man named O'Rourke,
    Heard babies were brought by the stork.
    So he went to the zoo
    And attempted to screw
    One old bird. End result: didn't work.

    A vice most wicked and unsavory,
    Held the Bishop of Durham in slavery.
    For with lecherous howls,
    He'd deflower young owls,
    In the depths of his underground aviary.
       [John Steinbeck ejected from Stork Club reciting this loudly]

    When asked by the Duchess at tea,
    If an eggplant I ever did see,
    I said "Yes," rather bored.
    She said, "Sir, you've explored
    Up a hen's ass much further than me.'

    In the quaint English villiage of Worcester,
    Lived a little red hen and a rooster.
    A coquettish glance
    She acquired in France,
    Gave him ants in his pants, and he goosed her.

    A professor of Ethical Culture
    Once said to his class, "'Twould insult your
    Intelligence if
    I said I got stiff
    For anything less than a vulture."

    While fucking a chicken, young Greg
    Said "The best thing's I don't have to beg.
    She's open and clear
    All the time in the rear
    Except when she's laying an egg.

    "I've examined this birdie's vagina,"
    Said the vet, "and in South Carolina,
    An indictment is due
    For contributing to
    The delinquency, suh, of a mynah!"

    Thus spake an old Chinese mandarin,
    "There's a subject I'd like to use candor in:
    The geese of Pekin
    Are so steeped in sin,
    They'd as soon let a man as a gander in."

    A rooster residing in Spain,
    Used to diddle his hens in the rain.
    "I give them a bloody
    Good time when it's muddy,
    Which keeps them from getting too vain."

    Great woe befell Bernadine Gotch,
    While camped by Franconia Notch.
    She was raped by a eagle,
    Or maybe a seagull,
    Which then built a nest in her crotch.

    There was an old man of Santander,
    Who attempted to bugger a gander.
    But that virtious bird,
    Plugged its ass with a turd,
    And refused to such low tastes to pander.

    There was a young lady of Worcester,
    Who dreamt that a rooster seduced her.
    She woke with a scream,
    But 'twas only a dream.
    A bump in the mattress had goosed her.

    There was a young man from New Haven
    Who had an affair with a raven.
    He said with a grin
    As he wiped off his chin,
    "Nevermore!"

    There was a young fellow named Spiegel,
    Who had an affair with a seagull.
    What's worse, do you see,
    It wasn't a she,
    But a he-gull, and that is illegal.

    There was a young preacher from China,
    Who loved boys but thought birds diviner.
    But he gets no tail;
    In fact, he's in jail,
    Being charged with corrupting a mynah.

    There was a young flirt of Ceylon,
    Who loved to lead the boys on.
    Instead of follow the leader,
    She played follow the 'Leda',
    And finally succumbed to a swan.

    There was a young man from Toulouse,
    Who thought he would diddle a goose.
    He hunted and bunted
    To get the thing cunted,
    But decided it wasn't no use.

    There once was a sergeant named Schmitt,
    Who wanted a crime to commit.
    He thought raping women
    Was a little too common,
    So he buggered an aged tomtit.

    There was a young lad of St. John's,
    Who wanted to bugger the swans,
    But the loyal hall porter,
    Said, "No! Take my daughter!
    The swans are reserved for the dons."

    There was a young person of Kent,
    Who was famous wherever he went.
    All the way through a fuck,
    He would quack like a duck,
    And he crowed like a cock when he spent.

    A marvelous bird is the toucan,
    Who when engaged in a screw can
    Stand on his head,
    Shove beak in instead.
    If you think that's a cinch, see if you can.

    There was a young man from Peru,
    Who, one day when he had nothing to do,
    He pulled out his carrot,
    And buggered a parrot,
    And sent the result to the zoo.
       [Alternate Line 2: Who was hard up for something to do]

    There once was a dirty old beast
    Who, when asked to confess by the priest,
    Said, "Bugger religion!
    Let's look at your pigeon."
    And gave him two inches, at least.

    There was a young lady of Ulva,
    Whose music hall turn with a culver,
    Evoked great applause
    As she tore off her drawers
    And induced it to swoop up her vulva.
       (culver - dove, rock pigeon)

    This bird is the Keel-billed Toucan,
    Whose size doesn't do what his hue can,
    His color scheme rates
    A succession of dates,
    Which consist of just settin' and lookin'.

    There was an old lady of Harrow,
    Whose views were exceedingly narrow.
    At the end of her paths,
    She built two bird baths,
    For the different sexes of sparrow.

    A rooster became quite dismayed,
    with an orange in a nest, well displayed.
    He called to his chicks,
    "Mom's up to her tricks!
    Look at the orange 'marma-laid'."

    But the very next day,
    So the chronicles say,
    The ingenious man from Uganda
    With a patent corkscrew
    The obstruction withdrew,
    And successfully buggered the gander.
       [yes, I know it's not a limerick :) ]

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Camels and Kin:
    A dashing romantic vicuna
    Fell in love with a fifty-pound tuna.
    At a neighborhood gym
    He was soon taught to swim,
    And in no time at all he was scruna.

    A promiscuous person named Willy,
    Had a dong that was simply a dilly.
    He would take on all mammals
    Was partial to camels,
    But they never could tolerate Willy.

    A habit obscene and bizarre
    Has taken a hold of papa.
    He brings home young camels
    And other odd mammals,
    And gives them a go at mama.

    A New Jerseyite born in Paramus,
    Offered all of us one of life's dramas.
    He went to the zoo,
    And before a long queue,
    Of men, he screwed one of the llamas.

    The Harvard don down at El Dim,
    Oh, wasn't it nasty of him,
    With the whole harem randy,
    The sheik himself handy,
    To muss up a young camel's quim?

    A wily old shiek of Arabia,
    Said, "My eunuchs tell me there may be a
    Great dearth of Circassians,
    To surfeit my passions.
    But my camel's here--labia are labia."

    On the plains of north-central Tibet,
    They've thought of the strangest thing yet.
    On the ass of a camel,
    They pour blue enamel,
    And bugger the beast while it's wet.

    There once was a Bactrian camel,
    Who was bound by no fetter or trammel.
    When he tried to make hay,
    In his Bactrian way,
    His wife said, "Make me; I'm a mammal."

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Cats:
    When Father John wanted a screw,
    He'd stuff a fat cat in a shoe,
    Pull up his cassock,
    And kneel on a hassock,
    While doing his damnedest to mew.

    Said a certain young maid of Tortuga,
    "How I wish I could mate with a cougar.
    The sheer joy of the matching
    Would be worth all the scratching."
    But her friends think she's clearly meshugga.
       (meshugga - crazy)

    The Mahatma on Mt. Himavat
    Opined as he diddled a cat,
    "She's a far better piece
    Than the Viceroy's niece
    Who has also more fur on her prat."

    A novelist from Tortilla Flats
    Repeatedly buggered stray cats.
    The alley fence howls
    As he stirred up their bowels
    Enormously pleased the town's rats!

    Said a Frenchman who lived at Sans Souci,
    "Superstition?  Mon Dieu!  C'est tout fou, si?
    Why only ce soir
    I buggaired un chat noir;
    To un homme virile, poussy is poussy."

    There was an old spinster from Fife,
    Who had never been kissed in her life.
    Along came a cat,
    And she said, "I'll kiss that!"
    But the cat meowed, "Not on your life."

    There once was a young man from Yuma
    Who attempted sex with a puma
    He gave up real quick
    Minus nose, toes, and prick
    In obvious pain and ill huma.

       [alternate versions:]
       There was a young fellow from Yuma
       Who essayed to bugger a puma.
       In the midst of his frolics
       It clawed off his bollicks
       Leaving both in a very bad humor.

       Here's to old King Montezuma,
       Who once tried to bugger a puma.
       The puma in play
       Clawed both balls away--
       How's that for animal humour?

    There was a young fellow named Spratt,
    Who was terribly sassy and fat.
    He sat amusing himself
    By abusing himself,
    While his trained leopard licked at his pratt.

    There once was a lady from Niger,
    Who had an affair with a Tiger.
    The result of the f__k
    Was a bald headed duck,
    Two gnats, and a circumcized spider.

    [The next six come from a small book "Sex and the Single Cat," published in 1964.]

    There once was a pussy conceited,
    Whom all the Cat-Show judges entreated,
    "If you'd stick out your necks,
    And give points for SEX,
    I am sure I'd remain undefeated!"

    Said a crafty old Siamese,
    "Let the younger Toms pounce from the trees.
    They chase her about
    'Til she's all tired out,
    While I rest 'til she's weak in the knees."

    Feather soft, angel white,
    I let Angora out tonight.
    Appearance misleading,
    Her mind is on breeding,
    And she'll come home looking a fright!

    In search of exotic diversion
    Tom had an affair with a Persian.
    But beneath all that fur
    She wasn't a her.
    Now, Tom's accused of perversion.

    My Tom cat has a creed
    Which he applies indiscriminately to each breed:
    Every critter
    Gets a litter
    No exceptions -- save for extraordinary speed.

    After the hundred fiftieth kitten
    I figgered she liked it too much to be quittin',
    So I had the gal spayed,
    Now she never gets laid.
    Cause she's too busy just sittin' and sittin'.

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Cattle:
    You'd think nothing happens in Kzyltu
    And god knows there's hours to kill too.
    But the randy young Kazaks
    Bugger long-suffering Yaks--
    There's always a way, when there's will to!

    Quoth a cow in the marshes of Glynne,
    "All the world is divine, even sin!
    As a natural creature,
    I worship all nature,
    But most when the bull rush is in.

    A slow-footed stockman called Beales,
    Fell down, with a bull at his heels.
    When trying to rise,
    He got quite a surprise,
    Learning something of what a cow feels.

    A dairyman living in Slough
    Fell madly in love with his cow.
    He made love in a bed
    With the beast, it is said,
    But no one has quite explained how.

    A cowhand way out in Seattle,
    Had a dooflicker flat as a paddle.
    He said, "No, I can't fuck
    A lamb or a duck,
    But golly! It just fits the cattle.

    In a meadow a man named Llewelyn
    Had a dream he was bundling with Helen.
    When he woke he discovered
    A bull had him covered
    With ballocks as big as a melon.

    A farmer I know named O'Doole
    Has a long and incredible tool.
    He can use it to plow,
    Or to diddle a cow,
    Or just as a cue-stick at pool.

    An athletic young girl of Papua,
    Invited a bull to pursue her.
    She vaulted the gate
    Just a little too late;
    And now when she laughs, she says, "Oo-ah!"

    Old Charlie, a jolly old bloke,
    Made love to a cow as a joke.
    He found pleasure divine
    With his friendly bovine;
    Now they call him the old cowpoke.

    A foolish young cowboy named Lear
    Put spanish fly in his beer.
    After drinking this potion
    Overcome with emotion
    He buggered six cows and a steer.

    From the train, a young soldier named Jack
    Said goodbye, as he leaned out to smack
    The lips of his chick,
    But the train took off quick
    And he kissed a cow's ass down the track.

    A Brahman who lives in Bombay,
    Shrieked with horror and fainted away,
    When he found that somehow
    He had buggered a cow.
    (Her "Moo" was what gave it away.)

    A very strange lad from Glasgow,
    Took all of his meals with his cow.
    He explained, "It's uncanny,
    She's so like Aunt Fanny!"
    But he didn't indicate how.

    Ten cows munching grass by the wall.
    Two bulls wander out of their stall.
    The young bull shouts, "Run!
    We can each enjoy one!"
    The old bull says, "Walk, and have all."

    A milkmaid of Warnesbury Fair,
    Was an expert at riding bulls bare.
    Oh, how the bulls gallop,
    To give that dear trollop,
    A bounce on her sweet dairy-air.

    An amourous bull known as Morton,
    Was arrested for stampin' and snortin'.
    When released from his cell
    He was madder than hell,
    For the season had passed for cavortin'.

    A heifer from up near the Soo,
    When approached by a bull, answered "Moo."
    Then she took the wrong tack,
    And lay down on her back;
    But the bull figured out what to do.

    There was a young farmer named Max,
    Who avoided the gasoline tax.
    It was simple, you see,
    For his Vespa burned pee
    From his grandfather's herd of tame yaks.

    There was a young man of Seattle,
    Who bested a bull in a battle.
    With fire and gumption
    He assumed the bull's function
    And deflowered a whole herd of cattle.

    There was a young harlot named Tyson,
    Who conceived mad love for a bison.
    After loves's fruition,
    Her snatch's condition,
    Was never again so enticing.

    There was a prim lady from Poole,
    Who dreamed she was had by a bull.
    The balls were outsize,
    And so were her cries,
    It was all cock and bull, the young fool.

    There was a young girl from Seattle
    Who loved to be rogered by cattle,
    'Til a bull from Montana
    Attacked in a manner
    That made both her ovaries rattle.

       [alternate versions:]
       There was a young girl from Seattle,
       Whose hobby was sucking off cattle.
       But a bull from the South,
       Left a wad in her mouth
       That made both her ovaries rattle.

       A lusty young maid from Seattle
       Got pleasure by sleeping with cattle;
       Till she found a bull
       Who filled her so full
       It made both her ovaries rattle.

    A noted torero named Janus,
    Was censored for conduct quite heinous.
    He was told, "On the bull,
    Use your sword, not your tool,
    And aim for the neck, not the anus."

    When the cows spied the bull in erection,
    One said with a moo of affection,
    "Bulls are sure heifer-shockers,
    Get a load of his knockers.
    They near-hang the ground in perfection!"
       [From Sex-to-Sexty #4 Grand Prix Limerix (1001), 1968]

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Cetaceans:
    Love and sex among mammals aquatic,
    Is seldom, if ever, quite static.
    When the giant sperm whale
    Impales his female,
    The results are both loud and dramatic.

    A sailor indulged in coitus
    With a cow of the genus of Cetus.
    Piscatologists thundered,
    Biologists wondered
    At the anchor tattooed on the foetus.

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Deer:
    An old maid phoned the Desk and said "Joe,
    There's such noise in the room down below."
    "Well, they're holding," he sighed
    "An Elk's ball just inside."
    "Well, then tell 'em," she said, "to let go."

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Dinosaurs:
    A comely young cave girl named Doris
    Was raped by a male brontosaurus.
    She exclaimed, "For a word
    To explain what occurred,
    I'd have to consult my thesaurus."

    There was a young man of Saskatchewan,
    Whose penis was truly gargantuan.
    It was good for large whores,
    And for small dinosaurs,
    And was rough enough to scratch a match upon.

    A young Russian rake named Boris,
    Fell in love with a stuffed brontosaurus.
    Each night you could see him
    In the Moscow Museum
    Caressing that Stone-age clitoris.

    A paleontologist, Locke,
    Found a fossilized Jurassic cock.
    "Is it a Tyrannosaurus?
    It's long, black and porous--
    And Damn! It's still hard as a rock!"

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Dogs:
    A man who was richer than Croesus
    Enjoyed being sucked off by feices
    Till a vicious old hound
    Thought his stake was ground round,
    And chewed it completely to pieces.

    A very low dachshund named Wally
    Fell in love with an oversized Collie.
    Though his passions grew madder,
    The story turned sadder,
    For his dogged attempts were sheer folly.

    No fellow could fuck with Miss Bright,
    For it seems that her cunt was too tight.
    So she called her retriever,
    Who sniffed up her beaver,
    And he licked on her pussy all night.

    A big wooly dog named Lee,
    Had a host of friends to see.
    So he paced the street,
    On all four feet
    But visited mainly on three.

    A fox hound retired from the hunt,
    His olfactory lobes had grown blunt
    To the scent of the fox,
    But he still would sniff rocks,
    For the mystical fragrance of cunt.

    It seems a lewd lady named Hines
    Loves to fuck all the larger canines.
    It's a manlike sensation
    Without procreation
    Which fits in with her feelthy designs!

    Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
    to get her poor dog a bone,
    But when she bent over,
    Old Rover took over,
    And gave her a bone of his own.
       [Not exactly a limerick, but a classic anyway]

    A broken-down harlot named Tupps
    Was heard to confess in her cups,
    "The height of my folly
    Was fucking a collie--
    But I got a nice price for the pups."

    There once was a fellow named Siegel,
    Who attempted to bugger a beagle,
    But the mettlesome bitch,
    Turned and said with a twitch,
    "It's fun, but you know it's illegal."

    There once was a man from Geneva,
    Who buggered a black bitch retriever.
    The result was a sow,
    Two horses, a cow,
    Three lambs and a London coal-heaver.

    There was a young lady named Florence,
    Who for fucking professed an abhorrence.
    But they found her in bed,
    With her cunt flaming red,
    And her poodle-dog spending in torrents.

    There was an old man from near here
    Who got awfully drunk on some beer.
    He fell in a ditch
    and a son-of-a-bitch
    Of a bull dog fucked him in the ear.

    There once was a fiesty young terrier
    Who liked to bite girls on the derriere.
    He'd yip and he'd yap,
    Then leap up and snap;
    And the fairer the derriere the merrier.

    There once was a lady of Dover,
    Who said to her husband, "Move over.
    I don't give a damn
    For the charms of a man.
    (Wheet Wheet) Come along, Rover.

    There was an old maid of Vermont
    Who said, "I'll do just as I want.
    I let my dog Spot
    Lick my ass and my twat;
    And I do it in front of my aunt."

    There once was a Dutchman named Spiegle
    Who slept with an elegant beagle.
    As the crawled in bed,
    He wistfully said,
    "It'll be much better if you wiggle."

    There once was a Duchess of Beever
    Who slept with her golden retriever.
    Said the potted old Duke:
    "Such tricks make me puke!
    Were it not for her money, I'd leave her."

    There was an old feminine blighter
    Who trained a Chow dog to delight her.
    She would cream her own pool
    While she sucked off his tool --
    How his cock in her cunt would excite her!

    There was a young woman, a writer,
    Who trained her pet dog to delight her.
    She'd suck and she'd lick
    At his lengthening prick,
    Then his cock in her cunt would excite her.

    There was a young man from Bangore,
    Who was tired and said to his whore,
    "If you'll only roll over,
    I'll get my dog Rover,
    And you can have six inches more."

    There was an old bulldog named Caesar,
    Who went for a cat just to tease her;
    But she spat and she spit,
    Till the old bulldog quit.
    Now when poor Caesar sees her, he flees her.

    There was a young man of Bengal
    Who went to a fancy dress ball.
    Just for a whim
    He dressed up as a quim
    And was had by a dog in the hall.

       [alternate version:]
       There was a young man of Bengal
       Who went to a fancy dress ball.
       Just for a stunt
       He dressed up as a cunt
       And was fucked by a dog in the hall.

    It's dollars to doughnuts, that Dolly,
    Will someday regret her low folly.
    This nympho craves men,
    But is known, now and then,
    To borrow the neighbor's big collie.

    A sensitive spinster from Dover
    Hid her head in a sack till 'twas over.
    So she wasn't to blame
    That her paramour's name
    Wasn't Nigel or Dick -- it was Rover.

    Said the toy poodle to the Great Dane,
    "Your altitude I'd NEVER gain!
    But your scent in full heat
    Is a sweet, sexy treat,
    So don't think, my dear, I complain."
       [From Sex-to-Sexty #4 Grand Prix Limerix (1001), 1968]

    A nervous small dog known as Willie
    Complained, "THIS situation is silly!
    That bitch is good tail,
    But I'm certain to fail . . .
    I'm too short . . . she's as big as a filly!"
       [From Super-Sex-to-Sexty #7 Grand Prix Limerix (295 illustrated), 1969]

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Donkeys and Mules:
    My sweetheart's a mule in the mines
    And I drive her without reins or lines.
    On the bumper I stand
    With my jock in my hand
    And ram it up my sweetheart's behind.

    Said a man with a turbulent penis:
    "I wish the whole world could have seen us.
    For I stood on a stool
    And buggered a mule
    And created a whole brand-new Genus."

    There once was a man from Madras
    Who had a magnificent ass.
    'Twas not round and pink
    As you might think,
    But was grey, had long ears and ate grass.

    There was an old hostler named Rains
    Posessed of more bollocks than brains.
    He stood on a stool
    To bugger a mule
    And got kicked in the balls for his pains.

    A muscular Turk of Stamboul,
    Tried to screw a recalcitrant mule.
    He climbed on a haystack,
    Overlooking a racetrack,
    And dived in all covered with drool.

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Elephants:
    When a girl with a hung-over head,
    Found an elephant sharing her bed
    In the dawn's early light,
    She then groaned, "I was tight!"
    "To begin with," the pachyderm said.

    The Communist Party's Earl Browder
    Was fucking a girl in a howda.
    The elephant's trunk
    Somehow got in her cunt
    Which, they felt, made it terribly crowded.

    There was an old Hindu mahout,
    Who said, "What's all this blithering about?
    Why I have shot spunk,
    Up an elephant's trunk."
    Cries of "Shame!", "Kick his ass!", "Throw him out!"

    There was a young Nubian prince
    Whose cock could make elephants wince.
    Once, while socking the sperm
    To a large pachyderm
    He slipped, and has not been seen since.

    A famous zoologist, Vundrum,
    Was posed a perplexing conundrum:
    Where to locate what falls,
    From an elephant's balls.
    And he said, "Vy, it's simple, look undrum."

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Fish:
    A fisherman off of Cape Cod
    Said, "I'll bugger that tuna, by God!"
    But the high-minded fish
    Resented his wish,
    And nimbly swam off with his rod.

    The notorious Duchess of Peels
    Saw a fisherman fishing for eels.
    Said she, "Would you mind?
    Shove one up my behind,
    I am anxious to know how it feels."

    A virtuous maid name of Quinn,
    Waded into the lake for a swim.
    But a fish wormed inside her,
    And started to ride her,
    Now seaweed grows out of her quim.

    A speedy young swimmer named Block
    Was the fastest away from the dock.
    He broke records galore
    Til they found that he wore
    An electric eel stuffed in his jock.

    There once was a man of Cape Cod,
    Who attemped to bugger a cod,
    When up came some scallops,
    And nibbled his bollocks,
    And now he's a eunuch, by God.

    There was a fat wench of Capri,
    Who tumbled one day in the sea.
    She returned from the splash,
    With a shark in her gash,
    And her face was transfigured with glee.

    There was a young girl from Batonger,
    Who was jazzing herself with a conger.
    When asked how it feels,
    To be pleasured by eels,
    She replied, "Like a man, only longer."

    There was a young lady from Teal,
    Who was raped in the lake by an eel.
    One morning at dawn,
    She gave birth to a prawn,
    Two crabs, and a small baby seal.

    A lovely young diver named Nancy,
    Wore a bikini bottom quite chancy,
    The fish of Bonaire,
    Watched her Derriere,
    And the sea fans all tickled her fancy.

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Gnus:
    When bored with the old tried-and-true way,
    As well as the dildo-in-lieu way,
    A zookeeper's wife
    Put zest in her life
    With a fling at "a fabulous gnu way"!

    A sweaty young yeti named Betty,
    Had a love in the park, Serengeti.
    An ungainly old gnu,
    Who was faithful and true,
    With love ready and heady and steady.

    I was thrilled when I went to the zoo;
    They allowed me to bugger a gnu.
    An F.R.Z.S.
    Remarked to me, "Yes,
    It's a privilege granted to few."
       (F.R.Z.S. - Friends of Royal Zoological Society ??)

    There was a young man from Peru,
    Who attempted to bugger a gnu.
    Said the gnu, "Pederasty
    Is decidedly nasty,
    But you may slip up my slough for a sou.

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Goats:
    Two she-camels spied on a goat,
    And then jealously said, "You will note
    She leaves the sheik's tent
    With her tail oddly bent,
    And hanks of hair pulled from her coat."

    The herder who hailed from Terre Haute
    Fell in love with a young nanny goat.
    The daughter he sired
    Was greatly admired
    For her beautiful angora coat.

    One morning Mahatma Gandhi
    Had a hard-on, and it was a dandy.
    So he said to his aide,
    "Please, bring me a maid,
    Or a goat, or whatever is handy."

    There was an old maid in Nantucket,
    Had an asshole as big as a bucket.
    While bent over the oven,
    A-dreamin' of lovin',
    Her goat seized the moment to fuck it.

    The village was giddy with rumors
    Of a goat who was suffering from tumors.
    Cans and library paste
    Were quite to his taste,
    But he choked on Elizabeth's bloomers.

    As the rabbi was cutting the throat
    Of the annual tribal scapegoat,
    Said the beast, "I will cite you
    As a sodomite! You
    Forget what we did on the boat!"

    There was an old man of Tashkent,
    Who slept with twelve goats in a tent.
    When asked, "Do they smell?"
    He said, "Oh quite well,
    But so far they don't mind my scent."

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Horses:
    A cavernous cutie named Miller
    Finds very few fellows can thrill her.
    So she goes for a pony
    With a big pink baloney--
    Too bad for the chaps that can't fill her.

    An equestrian nympho named Bobbie
    Has a mount with an organ quite knobby.
    What began as a whim -
    Feeling knobs on her quim -
    Has developed; that horse is her hobby!

    Lizzie, I'm told by my source,
    Has had intercourse with a horse.
    Her husband named Bernie
    Has seen an attorney,
    And was told he has grounds for divorce.

    A bestialist out on a mission
    "Horse sex!" that was his ambition.
    He lifted her tail
    She kicked, he did sail
    But now he's in stable condition.

    A zoophile born under Cancer,
    Joined up as a cavalry lancer,
    But he died of despair,
    When his favorite mare,
    Was replaced by a motorized panzer.

    A cowboy when filled with strong beer
    Loved to roger his horse from the rear.
    When asked if he'd care
    If it wasn't a mare
    Said: "Of course I would care; I'm not queer."

    A sailor boy, tall and banale
    Met up with a femme fatale.
    Though he tried every ruse
    She denied him her mews--
    She prefered a Me'nage cheval.

    A venerable Indian rajah
    Once decreed that all cunts should be made larger.
    And, until it was done
    That he'd have his fun
    With the arse of his favourite charger.

    Two pretty young things named Mahony,
    Once tickled a horse's baloney.
    With a spurt and a splash,
    They fell with a crash,
    And no one knew which had the Toni.

    A ranchero in Old Monterey
    Put his mares in a family way.
    His offspring thus sired,
    Were so widely admired,
    Their young run the state to this day.

    With his shoes some two feet of the ground
    The farmhand one morning was found.
    With his prick, to the belly
    In the ass of old Nelly
    But he said: "I'm just horsing around."

    There was a young man of King's Cross,
    Who amused himself frigging a horse.
    Then, licking the spend
    Which still dripped from the end,
    Said, "It tastes just like anchovy sauce."

    There was a young man, a Maltese
    Who could even screw horses with ease.
    He'd flout natural laws
    In this manner because
    Of his dong, which hung down to his knees.

    There was a young farmer named Morse,
    Who fell madly in love with his horse.
    Said his wife, "You rapscallion,
    That horse is a stallion!
    This constitutes grounds for divorce!"

    There was a young girl of Antietam,
    Who liked horse turds so well she could eat 'em.
    She'd lie on their rumps
    And swallow the lumps
    As fast as the beasts could excrete 'em.

    There was a dray horse from Monique,
    Who made love to a mare twice a week.
    He preferred twice a day
    But the mare would say "Nay."
    For it gave her a sway-backed physique.

    There was a young man of Adair
    Who thought he would diddle a mare.
    He climbed up a ladder
    And jolly well had her,
    With his backside a-wave in the air.

    There was a man from Madras
    Who took pleasure in jerking a horse
    He swallowed the cum
    And saved some
    And said "Hmm, this tastes like Barbecue Sauce"

    There once was a horse named Lily
    Whose dingus was really a dilly.
    It was vaginoid duply,
    And labial quadruply --
    In fact, he was really a filly.

    1. There once was a clergyman's daughter
       Who detested the pony he bought her,
       Till she found that its dong
       Was as hard and as long
       As the prayers her father had taught her.

    2. She married a fellow named Tony
       Who soon found her fucking the pony.
       Said he, "What's it got,
       My dear, that I've not?"
       Sighed she, "Just a yard-long bologna."

    Her lovely Mare's head?  She tossed it;
    Her infrequent Mare temper?  She lost it;
    She said, "Let me affirm,
    I don't mind frozen sperm,
    But, for gawd sakes!  Remember!  DEFROST IT!"
       [forwarded to the Equine-L mailing list]

    There was a young lady from Geneva
    Who purchased a horse to relieve her
    The result of the f&^k,
    Was a pig and a duck,
    A steak, and a golden retriever.

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Micro-Organisms:
    A problem that's very worth stating,
    Researching, exploring, debating,
    Is if we can tell,
    From out friends with one cell,
    Whether splitting's as much fun as mating.

    There was a young woman named Sheba,
    Who loved a Teutonic amoeba.
    This primordial jelly,
    Would crawl on her belly,
    And murmur, "Ich liebe, ich liebe."

       [alternate version:]
       A niece of the late Queen of Sheba
       Was promiscuous with an amoeba
       The queer blob of jelly
       Would lie on her belly
       And quivering, murmer, "Ich liebe!"

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Moles:
    There was a young man from Woods Hole,
    Who had an affair with a mole.
    Though a bit of a nancy,
    He did like to fancy
    Himself in the dominant role.

    There was an old lecher named Sholes
    Who longed to deflower young moles.
    Although he aspired,
    He was always too tired
    After digging them out of their holes.

    There was a young lady of Wohl's Hill,
    Who sat herself down on a mole's hill.
    The resident mole
    Stuck his head up her hole--
    The lady's in bliss, but the mole's ill.

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Pigs:
    The wife of a farmer in Stoke,
    Always one for a dubious joke,
    Caught her sow in the act,
    And reported the fact
    To her spouse as "a pig in a poke."

    There was a young man of Newminster Court
    Buggered a pig, but his prick was too short.
    Said the hog, "It's not nice,
    But pray take my advice,
    Make tracks, or by the police you'll be caught."
       (Published in 1897)

    An alluring young shoat of Paris,
    Fills all of her suitors with glee,
    For when they implore
    Her to give a bit more,
    She invariably answers "Wee Wee!"

    There was a young man from Nantucket
    Took a pig in a thicket to fuck it.
    Said the pig, "Oh, I'm queer,
    Get away from my rear.
    Come around to the front, and I'll suck it."

    There once was a fellow named Fogg
    Who attempted to bugger a hog.
    While engaged in his frolics
    The hog ate his bollix,
    And now he's a eunuch, by God.

    There was an old person of Sark,
    Who buggered a pig in the dark.
    The swine, in surprise,
    Murmured, "God blast your eyes,
    Do you take me for Boulton* or Park*?"
       [* - Famous homosexual trial of 1870]

    There was an old farmer named Swift,
    Who went into town and got spiffed.
    He awoke in a a sty,
    With a sow standing by,
    And said, "Now, dear, no use getting miffed!"

    There once was a man of Belfast
    Whose balls out of iron were cast.
    He'd managed somehow
    To bugger a sow,
    Thus you get pig-iron, at last.

    1. An old desert rat called Burdew,
       Came to town one day for a screw.
       He threw down a quarter
       And drawled out, "That orter
       Cover a quick poke or two."

    2. The madam looked very askance
       At the grime on his shirt and his pants,
       His scruffy grey beard,
       The eyes that went weird,
       And the odor that wasn't from France.

    3. "Old Fellow", she said with a grin,
       "For a quarter, I'll let you right in,
       To a room that's just ripe
       For a man of your type,
       And a gal that's ideal for your sin."

    4. The prospector's eyes went aglow,
       As the fires began burning below.
       His hands started shaking,
       And his knees were a-quaking.
       It was plain he was raring to go.

    5. So they led him out back of the place,
       To a shed with just enough space,
       For the fattest pink sow,
       He'd seen anyhow,
       With a sort of sweet smile on her face.

    6. Burdew shoved everyone aside,
       Slammed the door and was quickly astride
       His porky delight,
       Where he spent the whole night,
       In a passionate piggyback ride!

    7. At daybreak, Burdew poked his head
       Out of the tumbled-down shed,
       With a satisfied sigh,
       He said, "Miss Piggy and I
       Will be having our breakfast in bed."

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Pinnipeds:
    A round-bottomed babe from Mobile
    Longed for years to be screwed by a seal.
    But out at the zoo,
    They just said, "No can do."
    Though the seal is all hot for the deal.

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Porcupines:
    A horney old trapper named Rex,
    Liked the risks of wild porcupine sex.
    By incredible luck,
    His dick never got stuck,
    But his balls were just pitiful wrecks.

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Primates:
    There was a young girl of Geneva,
    A gorilla she got to relieve 'er.
    The result of the fuck
    Was a hen and a duck,
    A snake and a bloody retriever.

    An old maid who had a pet ape
    Lived in fear of perpetual rape.
    His red, hairy phallus
    So filled her with malice
    That she sealed up her snatch with Scotch tape.

    The latest reports from Good Hope,
    State that apes there have pricks thick as rope,
    And fuck high, wide and free,
    From the top of one tree
    To the top of the next--what a scope!

    There once was a sacred baboon
    That lived by the river Rangoon,
    And all of the women
    That came to go swimmin'
    He'd bang by the light of the moon.

    Nude 'neath her coat of chinchilla,
    The duchess set forth from her villa.
    She said, "James, to the zoo,
    I have nothing to do,
    So I'll service their bachelor gorilla."

    The eminent Mrs. DeVue
    Was born in a cage at the zoo.
    And the curious rape
    Which made her an ape
    Is highly fantastic, if true.

    The duchess of Whiteside cried, "Rape!"
    When she found in her bedroom, an ape.
    The ape said, "You ass!
    Go look in the glass."
    And left by the fire escape.

    Said the horrible whore of Lahore,
    While ape-fucking against a door,
    "This orang-utang
    Is better than bhang--
    The penis of man's quite a bore."

    There was an old Scot named MacTavish
    Who attempted an anthropoid ravish.
    The object of rape
    Was the wrong sex of ape
    And the anthropoid ravished MacTavish.
       [alternate lines 3 and 4: In his haste for the rape, He got the wrong ape]

    There was an old man of the Cape
    Who buggered a Barbary ape.
    Said the ape, "Sir, your prick
    Is too long and too thick,
    And something is wrong with the shape."

       [alternate lines 3-5:]
       The ape said, "You fool!
       You've got a square tool;
       You've buggered my arse out of shape."

    There was a young man from Dundee
    Who buggered an ape in a tree.
    The result was most horrid:
    All ass and no forehead,
    Three balls and a purple goatee.

    There once was a girl from Manila
    Who gave head to a two-ton gorilla.
    Now when she described
    The taste she imbibed,
    She stated, "It sure ain't vanilla!"

    There was an old man of Khartoum,
    Who kept a baboon in his room.
    "It reminds me," he said,
    "Of a lady who's dead."
    But he never would tell us of whom.

    There was a young lady from Leeper,
    Who was raped by an ape in her sleeper.
    When nine months were through,
    She called up the zoo,
    And gave the results to the keeper.

    There was a young man from Westphalia
    Who yearly go tailier and tailier,
    Till he took on the shape
    Of a Barbary ape,
    With the consequent paraphanalia.

    A Fat-tailed Dwarf Lemur, in bed,
    With the father of hangovers, said,
    "My very large rudder
    Makes most females shudder,
    And now I've acquired a fat head."

    1. A spinster in Kalamazoo
       Once strolled after dark by the zoo.
       She was seized by the nape,
       And got fucked by an ape,
       And she murmured, "A wonderful screw."

    2. And she added, "You're rough, yes, and hairy,
       But I hope -- yes I do -- that I marry
       A man with a prick
       Half as stiff and as thick
       As the kind that you zoo-keepers carry."

    There was once a man who one day
    Sailed with a zoo to bombay
    He was strapped to the tiller
    By a sex-mad Gorilla,
    And Bombay is a flippin' long way!!!

    There once was a chick in Cancun
    Who wanted to fuck a baboon
    She straddled the monkey
    But then acted funky
    For the ape was too big for her poon

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Rabbits:
    The thought of the rabbit on sex,
    Are seldom, if ever, complex.
    For a rabbit in need,
    Is a rabbit indeed,
    And does just as a person expects.

    There was once an unbalanced he-rabbit,
    Who had the deplorable habit,
    Of viewing the cunny
    Of each female bunny,
    Then using his pecker to jab it.

    A horny young man had the habit,
    Of sating his urge on a rabbit.
    He was asked, by some folk,
    "Are they too small to poke?"
    He said, "No, the hard part is to grab it."

    It is the unfortunate habit
    Of the rabbit to breed like a rabbit.
    One can say without question,
    This leads to congestion,
    In the burrows that rabbits inhabit.

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Reptiles and Amphibians:
    A princess who lived near a bog,
    Met a prince in the form of a frog.
    Now she and her prince
    Are the parents of quints,
    Four boys and a fine pollywog.

    1. There was a young girl who would make,
       Advances to snake after snake.
       She said, "I'm not vicious,
       Or that superstitious!
       I do it for Grandmother's sake."

    2. Another young lady would make
       Advances to snake after snake.
       Though men she had met
       Got her diaphragm wet
       She wanted her glottis to shake.

    An old maid in the land of Aloha
    Got wrapped in the coils of a boa;
    And as the snake squeezed,
    The old maid, not displeased,
    Cried "Darling!  I love it!  Samoa!"

    A German explorer named Schlichter
    Had a yen for a boa constrictor.
    When he lifted the tail,
    Achtung! It was male!
    The constrictor, not Schlichter, was victor.

    A sexy young swinger named Myrtle
    Had quite an affair with a turtle.
    Her swelling abdominal
    Was truly phenomenal,
    Showing Myrtle the turtle was fertile.

    Said a lovely young maiden named Lake,
    Most pervertedly fond of a snake,
    "If my good friend, the boa,
    Shoots spermatazoa,
    What offspring we'll leave in our wake."

    A yogi named Parmimahanda,
    Thought love with a cobra was danda,
    'Til the flick of a fang,
    In the shank of the yang,
    Left him dead upon the veranda.

    Minnehaha was washing her clothes,
    Unexpectant of sorrows or woes.
    A snake, a sidewinder,
    Crawled in her behinder,
    Wiggled 'round and came out of her nose.

    There was a young man named Victor,
    Who boogered a boa constrictor.
    The result of this rape,
    Was two miles of Scotch tape,
    And three reels from an old Tarzan picture.

    There once was a gay young Parisian,
    Who came to an awful decision.
    For his sexual joys
    He'd have women and boys,
    And snakes too, and no supervision!

    There was a young person of Wyper,
    Who fell madly in love with a viper.
    With screams of delight,
    He'd retire each night,
    With the viper concealed in his diaper.

    There was a young lady named Peaches,
    Who frequented the very best beaches.
    She refused the lifeguard,
    Though he breast-stroked her hard,
    She preferred to be sucked off by leeches.

    There was a young lady named Myrtle
    Who had an affair with a turtle.
    She had crabs, so they say
    In a year and a day
    Which proves that the turtle was fertile

    There was a young lady named Knox,
    Who kept a pet snake in her box.
    It was trained not to hiss,
    When she sat down to piss,
    But would bite the head off of cocks.

    There was a young artist named Victor
    Who purchased a boa constrictor.
    He intended to sketch her
    But decided (the lecher!)
    To fuck her instead of depict her.

    There was a young lady, Miss Rhodes,
    Who sinned in unusual modes.
    At the height of her fame,
    She abruptly became
    The mother of four dozen toads.

    There was a young girl from Decatur,
    Who was fucked by an old alligator.
    No one ever knew,
    How she relished that screw,
    For after he fucked her, he ate her.

    There was a young man of Madras,
    Who was having a boy in the grass.
    Then a cobra-capello
    Said, "Hello, young fellow!"
    And bit a piece out of his ass.

    There once was a priestess of Set
    Whom a shaman pursued on a bet.
    Though she turned into a snake,
    He won the stake,
    But it's something he'd rather forget.

    I once knew a kingsnake named Elvis,
    With a less than vestigial pelvis.
    And the bulge in his jeans
    Came from snake hemipenes.
    I'm almost embarrassed to tell this.

    The old crocodile sampled his tool
    As he lay in repose in the pool.
    He spat and thought "My,
    But I taste rather high,
    Am I flavored like THIS as a rule?"
       [From Sex-to-Sexty #4 Grand Prix Limerix (1001), 1968]

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Rodents and Such:
    There was a young mouse named Gracian.
    As a lifeguard he was a sensation.
    All the lady mice raved,
    And screamed to be saved,
    By his mouse-to-mouse resuscitation!

    The tiniest animal, the shrew,
    Is known for the three-second screw.
    He'll repeat it at will,
    On any mole hill,
    And his head is all that turns blue.

    Said the famous composer, R. Strauss,
    When asked why he buggered a mouse,
    "Though its cunt is quite tiny,
    On occasion its heiny
    Will stretch quite as big as a house."

    There was a young fellow named Price
    Who dabbled in all sorts of vice.
    He had virgins and boys
    And mechanical toys,
    And on Mondays...he meddled with mice!

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Sea Creatures:
    There was a brave damsel of Brighton,
    Whom nothing could possibly frighten.
    She plunged in the sea
    And, with infinite glee,
    Was fucked in the ass by a Triton.

    It began with a horny squid's wink,
    At a scuba girl, nude in the drink.
    She grew hot as his arms
    Foldled mammary charms.
    Then succumbed when they tickled her pink.

    A passionate girl from Madrid,
    Once had an affair with a squid.
    She said, "I've tried eels
    And disported with seals,
    But once you've been squid, you've been "did."

    An adventurous fun-loving polyp
    Propositioned a cute little scallop
    Down under the sea:
    "Nothing doing," said she;
    "By Triton, you think I'm a trollop?"

    A scandal involving an oyster,
    Sent the Countess of Clewes to a cloister.
    She preferred shellfish in bed,
    To the Count, so she said,
    For they're longer, and stronger, and moister.

    1. A zoologist's daughter in Ewing,
       Gave birth to a bottle of bluing.
       Her father said, "Flo,
       What I want to know,
       Isn't whether, but what you've been screwing.

    2. The girl replied, quick as a wink,
       "My child isn't bluing, it's ink,"
       The professor said, "Ah,
       Then, no doubt its papa,
       Is the squid that I keep in the sink."

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Sheep:
    We treat Mary (of unknown locality)
    And her lamb without proper formality.
    Let me ask: Do we view
    A young ram or a ewe?
    Just pure Love? Or a budding bestiality?

    The harlots of London are frightful,
    And the fairies, the bastards, are spiteful.
    But I'm not in a heat,
    For I happened to meet
    A sheep in Hyde Park. 'Twas delightful.

    There once was a penguin we knew,
    He liked nothing better than to screw.
    Give him a sheep,
    He's put it in deep,
    And then try to give it to you.

    When Theocritus guarded his flock,
    He piped in the shade of a rock.
    It is said that his Muse
    Was one of the ewes,
    With a bum like a pink hollyhock.

    "This plot," said old farmer McGraw
    "I hold in great reverence and awe.
    For here on the grass
    I had my first piece of ass
    While her mother stood by and said 'Baa'"

    A sheep-herder out in Van Buren
    Lost half of his flock to the murrain.
    Quoth the state veterinary,
    "You ought not to carry
    Them live spirochetes of your'n."

    We know now that Icheabod Creep
    Makes sexual use of a sheep.
    He patronized whores
    In our local stores,
    Till he found out that sheep were so cheap.

    A Wyoming rancher would creep
    Out at night to inseminate sheep.
    He had to feel fleece
    Before he could release,
    Now his wife wears wool panties to sleep.

    A shepherd named Jim Fitzhugh,
    Said to his sweetheart, "It's true.
    Nothing is moister
    Than a fresh oyster,
    Unless, of course, it is ewe.

    It seems that a man named Heep,
    Sates his lust on a flock of young sheep.
    He used to screw whores,
    Till afflicted with sores,
    He said, "Ewes are clean, and they're cheap!"

    On the talk show last night, Dr. Ellis,
    The sex shrink, took two hours to tell us,
    It's all right to enjoy,
    A rosy-cheeked boy,
    So long as your sheep don't get jealous.

    On his knees at the back of a sheep
    The shepherd was getting in deep.
    He said "Gosh what a breeze!
    For I save the stud fees
    And all of the lambs I can keep."

    Old shepherds most often are queer.
    The whole female sex, they do fear.
    They spurn marriage beds,
    Preferring instead,
    To bugger their sheep from the rear.

    A bugger who buggered some sheep,
    Tried to bugger a ewe while asleep,
    Who awoke with a start
    And ripped a great fart.
    Now he's covered in shit three feet deep.

    A shepherd who came from Bangkok,
    Used to dabble in watered-down stock.
    His peculiar perversion
    Was total immersion
    Till he drowned all the sheep in his flock.

    The hardon of sheepherder Crewes,
    Was one that he just couldn't lose.
    He'd no girls to assault,
    So perhaps one can't fault
    His putting his dick to good ewes.

    There once was a laddie of Neep,
    Who demanded everything cheap.
    When he wanted to screw,
    There was nothing to do
    But to take out his passion on sheep.

    There was a young lad named Sutton,
    Who said, as he carved up the mutton,
    "My father preferred
    The last sheep in the herd,
    This is one of his children I'm cuttin'."

    There once was a farmer named Hicks,
    Who used ewes for unusual tricks,
    And went on at such length,
    That he'd sapped all his strength,
    By the time he had turned ninety-six.

    There once was a young man from Wence
    Whose fondness for sheep was immense.
    A flock he did spy
    So he undid his fly,
    But his balls got caught on the fence.

    There was a young lad from Siam,
    Whose sexlife was caught in a jam.
    He loved them real small,
    Cause they're more fun to ball,
    So he went out and bought him a lamb.

    The hard-on of sheepherder Crews
    Was one that he just couldn't lose.
    He'd no girls to assault,
    So perhaps one can't fault
    His putting his dick to good ewes.

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Squirrels:
    Said an old taxidermist in Burrell,
    As he skillfully mounted a squirrel,
    "The excess of tail is
    Obstructive to phallus;
    One's much better off with a girl."

    There once was a fairy named Cyril
    Who was had in the woods by a squirrel,
    And he liked it so good
    That he stayed in the wood
    Just as long as the squirrel was virile.

    There once was a student named Lynn,
    Whose prick was the size of a pin.
    It was no good for girls
    But just great for squirrels,
    Who squealed with delight with it in.

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Wolves and Foxes:
    There was a young girl from Eutoxeter,
    Who one dreary night had a fox at her.
    She let out a squeal,
    For his cock was like steel,
    But she had quite a shock when the pox hit her.

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Zebras:
    A lady philologist  (Libra),
    Was raped by an oversexed zebra.
    She cried out in anguish,
    In every known languish,
    Including Swahili and Hebra.

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Other Fictional Creatures:
    When Jupiter hid in a swan
    And laid Leda low on the lawn,
    Pled she, "Stick your neck in,
    But please do not peck in
    My box, for the lining is gone."

    There was an old salt on the Banks,
    Who said to a mermaid, "No thanks.
    The last time I tried
    Those scales took my hide
    Clear off from my crotch to my shanks."

    On Saturn, the sexes are three,
    A sad state of affairs, you'll agree.
    For performing con brio,
    You must have a trio,
    And it even takes two for a pee.
       [Alternate line 2: A nuisance, I think you'll agree.]

    The Plutonian male is so small,
    He lives in the vaginal wall
    Of his mate. Yes, 'tis so!
    But he likes it, you know,
    And chacun a son gout, after all.

    The sex of the asteroid vermin,
    Is exceedingly hard to determine.
    The galactic patrol
    Simply fucks any hole
    That will possibly let all the sperm in.

    Mercurians, female and male,
    Whenever they tear off some tail,
    Do all of their lovin'
    Inside an oven,
    And think of us Earthlings as frail.

    [ Back to the Menu ]
    Miscellaneous:
    A wistful young lady named Carr,
    Divulged her perversions bizarre.
    "Though this may sound preposterous,
    I have fucked a rhinocerous,
    But the unicorn's better by far."

    A keeper in Hamburg's great zoo
    Tried to have a young girl kangaroo.
    But she zipped up her pouch,
    And the rascal said "Ouch!
    You've got a half-peter in you!"

    "We refuse," said two men from Australia,
    "Bestiality this saturnalia,
    For now, we bethink us,
    The ornithorhynchus
    Is our down-under type of mammalia."

    Two biologists, Hansen and Babbit,
    Crossed a camel one time with a rabbit.
    The offspring was jumpy,
    And frightfully humpy,
    And had a lascivious habit.

    While forming my comming year's vows
    I decided to stop fucking cows.
    To stand on a stool
    Is playing the fool
    And it's easier buggering sows.

    While Sue lay supine 'neath a willow,
    She was screwed by a large armadillo
    And remarked to the same,
    As the two of them came,
    That the next time he might bring a pillow.

    You've heard of the Duchess of York,
    She's twice been blessed by the stork.
    The Duke will fuck
    Naught else but a duck,
    While the Duchess, she frequents the park.

    There was an old maid in Peru,
    Who'd a dog and a cat and a gnu.
    From a sailor named Harrot
    She bought an old parrot,
    And he threw in a young cockatoo.
       [Alternate line 5: He already had a cunt or two]

    And then there was Benjamin Bright,
    A contestant on "What's My Delight?"
    They guessed at his habits
    With little white rabbits,
    But were stumped by his mouse and his kite.

    In his garden remarked Lord Dunedin,
    "A fig for your diggin' and weedin'.
    I like watching birds
    While they're dropping their turds,
    And spying on guinea pigs breedin'."

    If Gracie Allen were the last of her sex
    And I were the last of mine,
    I'd ease my tool
    By fucking a mule
    Or even a porcupine.

    Said a zookeeper's wife name Malotte,
    As she stuffed some live ants up her twat,
    "Of all sexual sensations,
    The eccentric gyrations,
    Of an anteater's tongue tops the lot."

    The prior of Dunstan St. Just,
    Consumed with erotical lust,
    Raped the bishop's prize fowls,
    Buggered four startled owls,
    And a little green lizard, which bust.

    All the lady-apes ran from King Kong
    For his dong was unspeakably long,
    Till a friendly giraffe
    Quaffed his yard and a half
    And ecstatically burst into song.

    A lady who lives in New Delhi
    Has habits disgusting and smelly.
    She likes to eat feces
    Of various species.
    (The recipe is tattooed on her belly.)

    Said a rancher, while roping a cow,
    "I wish that someday they'd endow,
    A wench with a rear
    Firm and wide like a steer,
    And a mouth that could suck like a sow."

    Miss Haverford on her veranda,
    Often stood with the utmost candor
    There many an hour.
    When things went sour,
    She'd quietly do it with her panda.

    A zookeeper out in Decatur,
    Was said by his wife to betray her.
    While he worked he would fuck,
    First a snake, then a duck,
    And a deer, and a bear, and a 'gator.

    A stalwart young fellow named Galion
    was given the Pervert's Medallion.
    For he buggered a cow
    As he stood on a sow
    While he sucked off a Percheron stallion.

    There was a young redskin, Strong Bough,
    Who had fucked squaw, moose, snake, and cow.
    When he first saw a mermaid,
    The remark he to her made,
    Was simply, and wonderfully, "How?"

    There was a young lady of Ulva,
    Who said, "I have granted a culver,
    One fox, and a vole,
    Two mice and a mole,
    A refuge from Man in my vulva.
       (culver - dove, rock pigeon)

    There was a young gaucho named Bruno
    Who said, "Screwing's one thing I do know.
    A woman is fine,
    And a sheep is divine,
    But a llama is Numero Uno."

    From a tree hung a queer three-toed sloth,
    Who to move was exceedingly wroth.
    But up in the tree
    He spied him a she,
    And combined the best features of both.

    An elderly pervert from Nice,
    Who was long past attracting a piece,
    Would jackoff his hogs,
    His cows and his dogs,
    Till his parrot called in the police.

    There was a young man of Australia
    Who went on a wild bacchanalia.
    He buggered a frog,
    Two mice and a dog,
    And a bishop in fullest regalia.

    There was a young girl named Lenore
    who liked to be screwed by a boar.
    They brought her battalions
    Of Percheron stallions
    But she always hollered for more.

    There was a young man with the itch
    Who, because he was not at all rich
    Had to harbour his tail
    In any female--
    A duck or a sow or a bitch.

    There was a young man from Seattle,
    Whose balls were so small they would rattle.
    He tried 'em on chickens,
    Got good as the dickens,
    And now he can satisfy cattle.

    A young taxidermist from Ada,
    Whose wife said he'd often betrayed her,
    Was sued for divorce
    For mounting a horse,
    A moose and a goose and a 'gator

    After downing a six pack or two,
    Young Albert took off for the zoo.
    His sick bestial quest,
    Brought his timely arrest,
    For screwing two deer and a gnu.

    A man who came into some money,
    Decided to marry a Bunny,*
    But the thought of the ears,
    And the tails of the dears,
    Made him skip it as being too funny.
       [*Bunny - a waitress in the Playboy Club]

    A hermit who lived on St. Roque,
    Had a lily perfected to poke.
    He diddled the donkeys
    And meddled with monkeys
    And would have done worse, but it broke.

    A disgusting young man named McGill,
    Made all of his neighbors quite ill,
    When they found out his habits
    Involving white rabbits,
    And a bird with a flexible bill.

    A Naturalist we know is queer:
    Of women he has a strange fear.
    He spurns their advances
    And takes his chances
    On buggering male sheep and a deer.

    A pathetic and insatiable John Hurst
    Possessed such a bestial thirst.
    He buggered some fowls
    three pheasants, two owls,
    And little green lizards which burst!

    A hillbilly farmer named Hollis,
    Used possums and snakes for his solace.
    The children had scales,
    And prehensile tails,
    And voted for Governor Wallace.

    There was a young fellow named Jim,
    Whose wife kept a worm in her quim.
    It was silly and smelly,
    And tickled her belly,
    And what the hell was it to him.

    It's not a bad life for a girl,
    Whether human, yak, llama or squirrel.
    In her lifetime she'll meet
    Many males . . . all in heat,
    And all drooling to give her a whirl!
       [From Sex-to-Sexty #4 Grand Prix Limerix (1001), 1968]

    A Raccoon and Miss Possum were matin'
    While a skunk for his turn was a-waitin'.
    Said Miss Poss to the coon
    "Dontcha finish too soon,
    'Cause that stinker who's waitin', I'm hatin'!"
       [From Super-Sex-to-Sexty #7 Grand Prix Limerix (295 illustrated), 1969]

    The End! (so far)

Index -- Updated Saturday, March 18, 2000 -- E-mail Actaeon