## Why Dogs Are Better Than Men

- Dogs don't brag about whom they have slept with.
- Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies.
- You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
- Gorgeous dogs don't know they're gorgeous.
- The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK, the *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)
- Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
- Dogs miss you when you're gone.
- You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you.
- Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
- Dogs do not play games with you - except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw).
- Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know the most important thing is that you're together.
- Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
- You can train a dog.
- Dogs understand what "no" means.
- Dogs don't make a practice of killing their own species.
- Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
- Dogs think you are a culinary genius.
- You can house train a dog.
- Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
- Dogs aren't threatened by a woman with short hair.
- Dogs are nice to your relatives.
- Dogs don't mind if you do all the driving.
- Dogs don't step on the imaginary brake.
- Dogs admit it when they're lost.
- Dogs don't weigh down your purse with their stuff.
- Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs.
- Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.
- Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
- You can force a dog to take a bath.

#### How Dogs and Men Are the Same

- Both take up too much space on the bed.
- Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
- Both are threatened by their own kind.
- Both like to chew wood.
- Both mark their territory.
- Both are bad at asking you questions.
- Neither tells you what's bothering them.
- Both tend to smell riper with age.
- The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
- Neither do dishes.
- Both fart shamelessly.
- Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
- Both like dominance games.
- Both are suspicious of the postman.
- Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
- Neither understands what you see in cats.
- Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.

#### Why Men Are Better Than Dogs

- Men only have two feet to track in mud.
- Men don't have to play with every man they see when you take them around the block.
- Men open their own cans.
- Dogs have dog breath ALL the time.
- Men can do math stuff.
- Holiday Inns accept men.
- Men don't eat cat turds on the sly.

Humor -- Updated Saturday, March 15, 1997 -- E-mail Actaeon