## Coming Out: a helpful analogy

Posted July 23, 1995

While re-reading Isis' essay the other day, I was reminded how when a SO "comes out"--whether it's zoo, gay, bi, whatever--the other person's first reaction is often "What does my rival have that I don't? Am I inadequate? Is it my fault?" Of course it isn't that way at all. But it's tough to explain when your SO is feeling vulnerable.

So I thought of the following analogy. Imagine a huge smorgasbord, with various dishes of food. Each dish represents a type of sexual interest or orientation: one for hetero, one for gay, one for zoo, one for bondage, etc. etc. etc. There's even a teeny demitasse for people who are aroused by Senator Exon. ;)

Each human has different tastes in sex, just like in food. It doesn't mean that the other foods are bad, just that they don't appeal to everyone: like broccoli, spinach, Brussels sprouts, etc. Hetero, for example, could be pizza: nearly everyone likes pizza. :) But not everyone is satisfied with just having pizza (or with pizza at all). Some also enjoy sirloin steak (gay), fish & chips (zoo), etc. Some are omnivorous, sampling just about everything.

But the foods themselves remain the same: it's not a judgement call based on tastes. If a person is a zoo and a hetero, and comes out to a SO, it doesn't mean the pizza isn't good--indeed, it may be fantastic! It just means that the hetero-zoo has a craving for fish & chips, which the SO can't provide.

So if your SO comes out to you and says "I'm a zoo," don't assume your cooking's no good. After all, even Julia Child's family eats out occasionally. :)

visits since 8/9/97

Essays -- Updated Saturday, March 15, 1997 -- E-mail Actaeon