    "Mona Leo"
    ...a song parody by Actaeon

    (Sung to the tune of "Mona Lisa," a song made famous by the late Nat King Cole.)

    Mona Leo, Mona Leo, men have maned you
    With a cloak of dread that's based upon your size.
    Though your status as a predator's unchallenged,
    Folks might fear you less if they peered 'twixt your thighs.

    All the prey out on the grasslands flees in terror
    Every time you choose to make your presence known.
    It's a pity even they can often beat you
    In the bedroom when their ardor's fully grown.

    The proboscis of the elephant is limber,
    And is matched by phallic mass that's five feet long.
    The rhinocerous is similarly furnished
    With four feet that make his mates burst into song.

    Zebra stallions give their fillies pleasant feelings,
    Sporting three-foot shafts of solid shining black.
    The Cape buffalo is likewise well-proportioned:
    It may be narrow, but for length he'll never lack.

    Now you may say that's expected from the largest
    Of the mammals Africa has on its grounds.
    But the sad fact is that even a hyena
    Can give the shaft to any big cat lion' 'round. :)

    A male blackbuck, who weighs under 50 kilos,
    Draws an 18-inch-long sword from 'neath his belt.
    And the warthog, who is otherwise no beauty,
    Has a spiral drill that's envied 'cross the veldt.

    The hyena, as I've said, has quite a unit,
    But few people know the females have one, too.
    So not only can her male laugh at a lion,
    She herself can beat the King's false pride in two.

    Knowing this, it's such a shame the mighty lion
    Has a member so peculiarly small.
    When you're laid by what looks like a lady's finger,
    It's a wonder she feels anything at all.

    When the King of Beasts gets down to do his duty
    It's at that moment he's most like a human male.
    His embrace lasts barely long enough to climax;
    When he cums and goes, it only makes her wail.

    Yes, the phallus of a lion's just a hand's width;
    (Not that I would ever hold one in my hand.... :)
    For all his roaring and his snarling and his strutting,
    All his powers aren't as large as he had planned.

    All's not lost, though, never fear for good King Leo,
    He's not moping, not complaining, nope, no way.
    He makes up for his embarrassing dimensions
    By having 96 liasons every day.

    Yes, in all, it must be good to be a lion.
    I would gladly trade my stumble for his stalk.
    It's so nice to be atop the grassland food chain,
    And atop a lioness around the clock.

    So think kindly of the big cats you encounter;
    Never mind that they're not overly endowed.
    It's not size that matters most: it's how you use it,
    And the lion uses his both tall and proud.

visits since 8/9/97

Index -- Updated January 18, 1997 -- E-mail Actaeon