    ##################################################################
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    ********************="All the news thats/==Updated 12/30/98===\==#
    *ZooNews compendium*==fit for zoo's"===/====by Kurt Goafec=====\=#
    ********************-------------------\an627797@anon.penet.fi)/=#
    #=======================================\---------------------/==#
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    Short intro - This is a collection of ZooNews items 1-21, originally
    shown individually on ASB, with corrections and comments. It should be
    remembered that, although every item (except #8) is true, this is not a
    proper representation of the average Zoo. These are those who, for one
    reason or another, ended up in the press archives. Questions or comments
    on existing items should be sent to : an627797@anon.penet.fi
    New items should be sent to : actaeon@iname.com
    The issues and articles here are left open, so if you can help with
    any remaining questions, don't hesitate to write.

    *ZooNews 1* - Local sheep shagger
    Comment : This cutting was actually from a local paper and, as far as I
    am aware, the culprit has not been apprehended. I do not want to help
    the authorities in catching him, so names and places have been altered.

    POLICE HUNT SHEEP PEST
    Police are hunting a youth who carried out an indecent act with a sheep.
    Det. Sgt  of  police said the female owner of
    the sheep when she walked into a barn at  at 5.15pm on
    Sunday to find the youngster committing the act. She grappled with him
    and as he fled she tore the shirt from his back. The youth is described
    as white, 16 years old, 5ft 7ins tall with short, wavy hair. Detectives
    would like to hear from anyone who saw the youth, especially as he ran
    from the scene minus his shirt, to call  police on (XXXX)
    XXX-XX.

    *ZooNews 2* - I feel like an ass
    Comment : Source added.

    "Let's face it your honours, it's not every day you catch a naked man in
    flagrante delicto with a female donkey while doing your rounds," a night
    watchman from Ghanzi told magistrates.

    "Just after midnight, I heard what sounded like the intermittent
    screeching of brakes and few of us went to investigate. I shone my
    torch, and saw the accused standing behind the donkey, balancing himself
    on the curve of its legs. We all expected him to be ashamed and stop,
    but knowing he had an audience only seemed to spur him on. When I asked
    him why he wanted a donkey when there were so many women around, he just
    shouted out that the women were all refusing him, the donkey didn't
    mind, and anyway it was his donkey and we were just jealous.. The he
    carried on unabashed."

    Edward Genge of the Botswana Police Force later told the court that he
    had been asked to investigate the matter. "When I got to the scene of
    the crime I found the donkey lying down. We tried to rouse her, but she
    was exhausted and refused to get up," He said.
    (Okavanga Observer April 16th 1993)

    *ZooNews 3* - Milking it for all it's worth
    "This is a despicable crime, just despicable..." said an enraged judge
    Kenneth Anderson of the Virgin Islands Territorial Court, in passing
    sentence on Juan Hernandez. "I order you to undergo psychiatric
    evaluation, and let me tell you, if the cows milk had been adversely
    affected, it would have been prison."

    The court had earlier heard evidence from Andrew Joseph, the farmer who
    had brought allegations of bestiality against Hernandez. "I went to the
    field behind the old Carlton Hotel in Frederiksted just before midday,
    to check on my cows. Gerda was missing so I started looking for her.
    While I was passing the back of the hotel, I heard mooing, so I looked
    through an open window and saw Hernandez with my cow. He was naked from
    the waist down and standing on two tin trays with Gerdas tail in his
    left hand. His right hand was on her back and he was intercoursing her.
    I was so disgusted, I was ill all over a towel rack."

    "I will not accept Hernandez's claim that he 'used a condom' as
    mitigation," said Judge Anderson in his summing-up. "However, I do
    accept that the accused had only been tempted to try sex with cows after
    hearing about a similar case. It is a disgrace that Victor Pinero, alias
    Billy Cruz, has not yet been apprehended. The man has become some sort
    of a local hero in the twisted minds of the young, ever since the
    notorious incident with a Senepol calf at Melthrop Farm in April. He
    must be brought to justice."
    (The Saint Croix Avis, July 23, 1994)

    *ZooNews 4* - Bitch, bitch, bitch!
    "Do not be tempted by the lure of easy kwachas," Ellen Muluzi warned
    women in a lecture in the Town Hall, Lilingowe. "Such repugnant and
    stinking behaviour only drags the fine name of Malawi down to the sordid
    level of Zambia."

    Muluzi was speaking about the Zambian craze for dog sex videos, which
    has recently spread to Malawi: "Azungus [white men] no longer want sex
    with African women. Instead they prefer to pay the women K500 and ask
    them to have sex with their dogs, while the Azungus film the event on
    camcorders. Zambian women are always being asked by foreigners to
    perform bizarre acts with dogs in hotel bedrooms and they agree, because
    they'd do anything for money and Zambian men don't have any. But our
    women must never sink so low as to have sex with a dog, even if it means
    getting thousands and thousands of kwachas."

    Replying on behalf of Zambian women, Janet Karim, editor-in-chief of The
    Independent, dismissed the entire story as "fucking unrealistic. If you
    ask me, Ellen Muluzi is a bit of a dog herself. But it's unlikely anyone
    would pay to have sex with her, or want to video it."
    (The Malawi Chronicle, April 26, 1994)

    *ZooNews 5* - Oops!
    Comment : On July 6th, 1996 a post entitled "Believe it or not! More Zoo
    News" by 'Pam' from 'Winter Publishing' gave a story almost identical to
    ZooNews 5. Also, the location of the offense was given as Sussex, which
    is also where ZooNews 5 took place (Rye and Battle are towns in East
    Sussex),  the dog was also named as a terrier and additional information
    was given about the defence of the accused and the sentencing.
    Note typical lack of detail, in ZooNews 5, due to source being a
    'family' paper.

    "It was disgusting," said a deeply shocked Camber couple. "We borrowed a
    camcorder and a tape from a neighbour to record their wedding. As we
    played the recording back at home, all of a sudden we found ourselves
    watching vile scenes of bestiality and filth."
    RSPCA inspectors and police later called on a Camber home, and arrested
    a man for an offence involving a terrier dog. The dog has not been
    located
    (Rye and Battle Observer, April 2 1993)

    The post titled "Believe it or not! More Zoo News" read:
    >When the guests at a wedding reception in Sussex sat down to watch a
    >video of the proceedings, they were surprised to see pictures of the
    >man who owned the video camera enjoying himself, on a bed, with the
    >neighbour's Staffordshire bull terrier. His defence in court was that
    >he had made it to prove that pornographic films used trick
    >photography,  and that no sex had taken place. He received a six-month
    >suspended sentence.
    No source has been quoted, unfortunately. But, if true, this is almost
    certainly a followup to the case in ZooNews 5
    !If the authour of this post is reading, and would like to be credited
    by her e-mail address, just write to me(kurt_g@hotmail.com)!

    *ZooNews 6* - A round up of some short, less recent stories
    In 1989, Salt Lake City police apprehended a 22-year-old man at the
    Tracy Aviary and charged him with sexually assaulting and then killing
    an exotic demoiselle crane.

    Also in 1989, the Florida Department of Conservation considered
    withdrawing approval for commercial "swim and hug" programs that
    entrepreneurs were running in the Florida Keys in which humans could
    cavort with dolphins. That is because of increased complaints that male
    dolphins were becoming sexually aroused while alongside female
    customers. A Miami secretary reported that one male dolphin had rubbed
    up against her amorously. "He liked me a *lot*," she said.
    Finally, an Itawamba County man accused in a string of sexual assaults
    on Lee County horses pleaded innocent to four related charges at his
    arraignment in Lee County Circuit Court.

    The man, whose name has been omitted, pleaded innocent to having
    intercourse with an animal, killing a quarter horse, grand larceny in
    connection with the abduction of a Shetland pony and destruction of
    private property in connection with another assault.

    *ZooNews 7* - Dire consequences
    "By your actions, you have brought ridicule and contempt on yourself,"
    Judge Giles Rooke told Anthony Ankhurst in a hushed Crown Court at
    Canterbury. "It is very rare indeed to find this offence committed with
    the defendant putting himself on the receiving end."

    Earlier, prosecuting counsel Dr.Oliver had described the events that led
    to the arrest, 45, on a charge of attempted buggery with his family's
    pet Alsatian. "On the evening of the offence, when the defendant
    returned from the pub, his two sons were in bed, and his wife was at
    work. At about 11:30pm, the elder son heard the family dog, Bruno,
    yelping excitedly, so he went downstairs.. There he saw his father,
    naked on his hands and knees, and the dog standing behind him on it's
    hind legs, thrusting vigorously, it's front paws on top of his father's
    back. Realising he had been observed, the defendant claimed that it was
    all part of Brunos training, and advised his son to say nothing to his
    mother. But next day his son told a teacher and, when police started
    making enquiries, Akhurst eventually confessed the truth."

    Akhurst, who admitted similar previous offences, was bound over for
    eighteen months. His barrister, Mr.David Burles, told the court in
    mitigation that, since his arrest, Akhurst had lost his job, been beaten
    up in his local pub and, worst of all, now lives alone in Margate.
    (Many sources, primarily the Thanet Times 14th June 1995)

    *ZooNews 8*
    Comment : The main question about this case is the lack of detail. As
    Stasya pointed out, there is no explanation as to how it was ascertained
    that Laura Cantori was having sex with the horse. The source is a trashy
    Romanian paper, so perhaps caveat emptor should be applied here.

    Today's ZooNews story is brief, but interesting. It involves Hanibal
    Cantori, a horse trainer from a Bucharest circus,  his wife, Laura
    Cantori, and their stallion, Galbenus.

    As reported in many papers, most ghoulishly of all in the Romanian paper
    "Dracula", Hanibal went along to the stable to feed his stallion some
    sugar cubes. Upon opening the stable door, he found his wife Laura
    copulating with Galbenus. She confessed to him of seeking satisfaction
    this way regularly and, in a blind rage, Hanibal strangled Laura with a
    silk scarf before committing suicide. (Surely this must be speculation,
    as if they both died then who could know what happened?)

    The paper "Dracula" concludes "Now the stallion is on tour in Holland.
    Desire glows in his eyes. He still waits for the beautiful Laura in his
    stable." and provides a voyeuristic photo of the naked, strangled Laura
    which, to directly quote another, "shows just how far the Romanian press
    has come since the demise of Ceausescu". (sarcasm)
    (Many sources, primarily reported in "Dracula" 1st June 1993)

    *ZooNews 9* - Gerbil cannonball
    Comment : This is a case of life imitating myth. Everyone's heard a FOAF
    story about the practice of 'gerbil stuffing', but this is the first
    documented case I have seen. Do not attempt this at home!

    On 06/07/96 I received an e-mail from "The Badger" (an599824) pointing
    towards the comic book "Preacher", a comic book published by DC's
    vertigo (mature reader) imprint. He says:
    "It deals with questions of faith and morality. In this book, a redneck,
    bigoted Texan Sheriff named Hugo Root appears as a main character.
    Another character is TC, who likes to sodomize the occassional chicken,
    dog, or even catfish. The coincidence is overwhelming..."

    Could the story below be an elaborate hoax? It was not only attributed
    to Bloomsberg News Service August 11th, 1993, but was re-printed in
    slightly different terms (names, places and incidents identical though).
    Can anyone shed any light on this?

    "In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only
    trying to retrieve the gerbil," Vito Bustone told bemused doctors Severe
    Burns Unit of Salt Lake City hospital.

    Bustone, and his homosexual partner, Kiki Rodriguez, had been admitted
    for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously
    wrong. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Faggot, our
    gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted 'Armageddon', my cue
    that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Faggot but he wouldn't come
    out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the
    light might attract him."

    At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what
    happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame
    shot up the tube, igniting Mr.Bustones moustache and severely burning
    his face. It also set fire to the gerbils fur and whiskers which, in
    turn, ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine,
    propelling the rodent out like a cannonball."

    Bustone suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact
    of the gerbil, while Rodriguez suffered first and second degree burns to
    his anus and lower intestinal tract. Sheriff Hugo Root later told
    reporters: "It's Faggot I feel sorry for. Being stuffed up some queens
    tradesman's entrance...."
    (Primarily from the Bloomsberg News Service August 11th 1993)

    *ZooNews 10*
    Israel Zinhanga, 28, appeared in a Zimbabwe court after being arrested
    for having sexual intercourse with a cow. According to Zinhanga, he
    sought sex this way because he was afraid of contracting AIDS from a
    human partner.

    After summing up, the court sentenced him to nine months. Zinhanga said
    he was in love with the cow and pledged to be faithful to her during his
    imprisonment.

    (Agence France-Press March 2nd, 1995)

    *ZooNews 11* - Smash 'n Grab
    Comment : This one's not strictly a ZooNews item, but the last bit
    certainly is!

    "When we arrived at Gorman's sex shop, we found that the main window had
    been smashed, and the shop had been looted," Police Sergeant Ollie
    Outrim told Palmerston District Court. "We saw two heavily-laden men
    trying to escape on bicycles, so we gave chase, along with several
    members of the public. The two men panicked as they fled, and started
    dropping their booty as they cycled. The items we collected from the
    street included several adult magazines, a blow up woman, a female
    mannequin dressed in rubber underwear, a video called 'ficken nicht zwei
    titten', a box containing two gross of tubes of water-based lubricant, a
    leather tawse, a large drinking mug in the shape of a vagina and an
    inflatable sheep. We eventually apprehended the accused, Patrick Neho,
    although his associate remains at liberty. We have not yet ascertained
    why a sex shop should be stocking a blow up sheep, especially since
    Palmerston North has such a large sheep population."
    (Eastern Express February 24th 1996) thanks to V.Smith)

    *ZooNews 12* - mare-iage
    Angry cowboy Ross Howard of Denver, protesting that men are allowed to
    marry men, was refused a licence to marry his horse. The hitch was a
    technicality; the law says three year olds need parental consent.
    (Daily Record 28th September 1992)

    *ZooNews 13* - wanna play chicken?
    "When I saw what vile things he was doing to the chicken, I became like
    a man possessed. It was her honour I was protecting, your honour,"
    Ibrahim Alkan told a Turkish court.

    Alkan, a 30-year old poultry breeder from Antalaya, had discovered his
    neighbour, 80 year-old Hasan Ank, in the act of raping his favourite
    chicken. "It was a vile sight to behold," Alkan explained, "and he was
    even doing it in front of her baby chicks. I broke his head with a
    bottle, but he did not stop. So I stabbed him sixty-five times with a
    knife I kept beside be for husking millet."

    Ank left the courtroom screaming the native proverb "he who knows the
    female hare, the hen or the tame pigeon, God bring him no absinthium"
    and was taken into custody. The chicken was sent to the provincial
    veterinarian directorate, and was detained for further treatment."
    (Turkish Daily News August 6th, 1993)

    *ZooNews 14* - going sheep..
    Comment : this one is *funny*.
    A couple were invited to buy an inflatable sheep sex-aid after answering
    an ad for rechargeable batteries in the Daily Telegraph. They received a
    personally addressed mail shot headed 'Luv Ewe' and quoting a price of
    seventeen pounds ninety-five pence.

    A drawing was accompanied by a description: "She has been developed
    after years of research into how to bring the joy of sheep into your
    love-life without the obvious problems of a real sheep. No bleating to
    alert the neighbours. No risk of ruining your prize lawn."
    The couple were not amused, complained to the Advertising Standards
    Authority, who upheld the complaint against VIS of Bethnal Green. They
    were unable to contact the firm.
    (Guardian [UK] 13th May 1992)

    *ZooNews 15* - Love boa killed by mouse....

    Ilona Staller, one-time Italian MP and porn star using the stage name La
    Cicciolina (I'm sure you've come across her work...so to speak), has
    lost one of her oldest partners. Tinto, a pet boa constrictor, for seven
    years played an active role in her erotic 'spectaculo'. Last Autumn, he
    swallowed a mouse provided as a light snack.

    The following morning, the mouse had re-emerged, slightly dishevelled.
    There followed a weeks stand off, the two creatures ignoring each other,
    with Tintos health rapidly declining. On 17 October 1993, the mouse
    killed Tinto with successive bites to the head. "I loved this serpent,"
    said a distressed Cicciolina. "It was a very innocent, love-ful animal."
    (Daily Telegraph 21st October 1993) [must have been a slow news day]

    *ZooNews 16* - Been caught porking

    Kofi Ntiamoah, an unemployed copra harvester from Ho, was charged with
    gross indecency. During his defence, Ntiamoah broke down and pleaded for
    the courts forgiveness: "I have been doing this thing for some time now"
    he confessed, amidst laughter from the public gallery, "but no-one
    suffers, because I do not do it raw. I always use condoms. I prefer
    making love to a pig rather than a women, because I have been unemployed
    for three years and cannot afford to maintain a girlfriend or a
    bicycle."

    (More than one source, primarily the Ghana Voice August 1995)

    *ZooNews 17*
    Comment : The "Zoophilia law and history PIP" can be found on Stasyas
    Zoopage on the world-wide web (http://www.av.qnet.com/~stasya) and is
    posted in ASB on the eighth of every month.

    This case is also covered in the "Zoophilia law and history PIP". Here
    is my additional information:

    The notorious case of animal rights campaigner Alan Cooper and his
    actions concerning Freddie the 12ft bottle-nosed dolphin of Amble in
    Northumberland is a case we are all probably aware of. The case reached
    court, and on 13th December, 1991 at Newcastle Crown Court, Mr.Cooper
    was cleared of all charges. Afterwards he told reporters : "I will
    continue my mission to see that captive dolphins at Flamingoland and
    Windsor are returned to their natural home in the open sea."
    Present at the trial was the owner of the aforementioned Flamingoland
    park in North Yorkshire, Peter Bloom. Mr.Bloom had complained about
    Coopers behaviour with the dolphin before.

    The whole case hinged on how wild male dolphins used their sexual organs
    in a non-sexual manner. The jury heard evidence for experts that mammals
    such a Freddie used sex organs to "explore their environment", to greet
    other creatures, and to hook the legs and arms of human divers in order
    to tow them through the water.

    Auberon Waugh, a commentator for the Daily Telegraph (There it is
    again!), commented on December 14th : "I never thought [stimulating
    animals] was an offence. The entire beef industry in this country is
    based on the artificial insemination achieved by the masturbation of
    bulls."

    Another correspondent (Mike Jay) noted that a tribe from Papua New
    Guinea, on a particular day each year, mate en masse with a shoal of
    dolphins that regularly show up for the event. He also told of how the
    white freshwater dolphin of the Amazon has mated with humans, especially
    women, since time immemorial. He Proposes that our 'special
    relationship' with dolphins may have a sexual side, suggested and/or
    aided by the similarity of our sex organs: "It also provides a
    tantalising suggestion as to the origins and cultural universality of
    the mermaid myth."
    (Daily Telegraph, Independent 10-14 December 1991 and FT February 91)

    *ZooNews 18* .....both need a tight seal

    Michael Hale, 19, was windsurfing in a wet-suit near his home on Walton-
    on-the-Naze in Essex, England, when he was attacked by a frisky 30-stone
    bull seal which mistook him for a mate and tried to get on board.
    Hale hit the water to scare it off, which made it roar in excitement.
    The courtship lasted an hour and a half before Hale could get ashore.
    (An HOUR AND A HALF??)
    (The Sun, January 7th 1991)

    *ZooNews 19* - Ram Raid

    "Is there no justice in Taita Taveta?" demanded Peter Wambugu in
    Nyahururu central court. "You accuse me of wickedness, but if I'd killed
    the sheep and sold it to the butcher, you'd all have queued up to buy a
    bit."

    Inspector Odhiambo, prosecuting, told the court how Mugo, who was
    accused of abducting a sheep and having carnal knowledge of it, had been
    caught in flagrante delicto. "The defendant left his four sheep grazing
    but, on returning later, found only three. Searching in a nearby copse,
    he found the sheep tethered to a bush, with the madman Mugo standing
    behind it, naked, singing a lullaby and thrusting in time to the music.
    The alarm was raised and he was overpowered by furious members of the
    public."

    Defending himself, Mugo told the Senior Resident Magistrate, Mrs.
    Manjiru Karanga, that he decided to go with animals because he could no
    longer afford VD treatment. "Five times I go with women, five times I
    get VD" he declared. "It is time people realised that animals are safer
    and cheaper."

    Mugo also pleaded not guilty to a charge of urinating in an ashtray in
    Barclays Bank, Voi Town, claiming that he had a weak bladder and was
    being held prisoner by the bank manager at the time. He was found guilt
    on all counts, fined Sh800, and sentenced to two years imprisonment plus
    two strokes of the cane.
    (Kenya Times October 23rd 1993) Thanks to V.Smith

    *ZooNews 20* Contributed by Doglover
    Teenager faces bestiality charge

    Kuwait City, Dec 11: Police are investigating an incident involving a
    teenaged boy who is allegedly to have had sex with a billy goat.
    A Bangladeshi watchman at a livestock pen in Jahra Area said that he
    accidentally witnessed an 18-year-old having sex with one of the goats
    inside the pen.
    The watchman immediately reported the encounter to his employer.
    The watchman and his employer, according to a local Arabic daily, rushed
    to interrupt the proceedings and save the goat. In the process , the
    employer is also said to have witnessed the teenager committing the act.
    The teenager was then taken to Jahra Police Station. On the way he began
    pleading with the owner of the pen to release him. He also promised not
    to return to the pen again.
    However, the pen owner insisted on taking the teenager to the police
    station where he faces possible legal action if the charge against him
    is proved.

    (Arab Times Daily Newspaper December 16th 1995)

    *ZooNews 21*

    YOUTH ON SHEEP CHARGE

    A 16-year-old youth yesterday appeared before a special sitting of
    Wantage magistrates' court in Oxfordshire after farmers allegedly found
    him naked in a field among a flock of sheep.

    The youth, who cannot be named because of legal reasons, was charged
    with a serious sexual offence and breach of the peace. He was released
    on bail. The alleged incident happened between Uffington and Woolstone,
    near Wantage, on Sunday.

    (The Guardian December 29th 1998)

    This rather naive, piece of journalism from the upmarket British
    Observer was re-produced with ZooNews 12:

    "ANIMAL PASSIONS - Breaking taboos, as any Edinburgh Fringe production
    knows, usually means a smattering of publicity, but there are precious
    few taboos left to break these days. Yale doctor Sherwin Nuland did
    death earlier this year in his runaway best-seller 'how we die'. To find
    any remaining sexual taboos, on the other hand, is a thankless task.
    Nudity, masturbation, homosexuality and sadomasochism are all pretty
    much blushless subject matter for today's' punter. But how about
    bestiality?
    'Dearest Pet, On Bestiality' by Midas Dekkers (Verso) was published in
    Britain earlier this summer, but has so far failed to engage the
    lucrative repressed-interest market here. In Holland, by contrast, where
    the subject "Though controversial, can be raised in public without
    without complete dismay or total denial", the book has been a smash hit,
    which proves yet again what a broad-minded lot those Dutch are.
    Still, is bestiality really a taboo? It's true that the 1948 Kinsey
    Report revealed that eight per cent of men and 3.5 per cent of women had
    enjoyed Biblical knowledge of an animal, and the figure for American
    rural workers was put as high as 50 per cent. Add to that what Dekkers
    sees as a long cultural tradition of latent bestiality (from Leda and
    The Swan through to luxury cat food adverts) and one may well ask: what
    are we hiding?
    Probably nothing. There are arguably three kinds of taboo. First, the
    things we do because we are told we shouldn't. Second, the things we do
    because there really isn't much else to do (cf American farmworkers).
    And third, the things we don't do because we just don't want to, even in
    our heart of hearts, even in Holland. Perhaps bestiality falls into the
    last category, and perhaps the final taboo, the thing we can't bring
    ourselves to admit, is that there are no taboos"

    (English Observer Life magazine, August 28th 1994)
    --
    Kurt G.