    "Can Zoo"
    ...a song parody by Actaeon

    (Sung to the Frank Loesser tune "Can Do," from the musical "Guys and Dolls.")

    I've got the horse right here,
    His name is Paul Revere,
    And he loves to be rogered up the rear.
    Can zoo...can zoo...the man says the horse can zoo.

    I've got a stud, you'll see,
    Hung like a Christmas tree,
    With two ornaments he will use with glee.
    Can zoo...can zoo...the man says the stud can zoo.

    I've got a mare so nice,
    A steal at twice the price,
    She'll please you so, you'll wish you'd bought her twice.
    Can zoo...can zoo...the man says the mare can zoo.

    If dogs are more your style,
    Step in and stay a while;
    I'm sure I have something that'll make you smile.
    Can zoo...can zoo...the man says the dogs can zoo.

    I have a Labrador
    Whose size you will adore,
    He'll make you shudder and beg for more.
    Can zoo...can zoo...the man says the Lab can zoo.

    A female Great Dane's right
    For sharing winter nights;
    She'll warm your heart and maybe light your lights.
    Can zoo...can zoo...the man says the Dane can zoo.

    I have some heifers, too;
    One may be right for you.
    A pleasant night out will leave you singing "moo."
    Can zoo...can zoo...the man says the cows can zoo.

    There's a rodeo bull
    Who loves the push and pull
    But with three feet in you better not be full.
    Can zoo...can zoo...the man says the bull can zoo.

    My big Merino ram
    Will shake your diaphragm
    No matter which end he decides to slam.
    Can zoo...can zoo...the man says the ram can zoo.

    His ewe, a Scotch Blackface,
    Prefers to set the pace
    And responds to your touch with amazing grace.
    Can zoo...can zoo...the man says the ewe can zoo.

    And for the wildlife fan,
    Try out our new game plan,
    Where nights are as humid as the Yucatan.
    Can zoo...can zoo...the man says the wilds can zoo.

    I've got a white-tailed doe,
    They're pretty, don't you know?
    Caress her flanks with care, and enjoy the show.
    Can zoo...can zoo...the man says the doe can zoo.

    Her buck is likewise known
    For making lovers moan,
    For he's horny from head to testosterone.
    Can zoo...can zoo...the man says the buck can zoo.

    My wolf is quite the pup;
    He simply loves to tup.
    You'll both be howling when he fills you up.
    Can zoo...can zoo...the man says the wolf can zoo.

    If you like felines,
    You'll fall in love with mine,
    For a hundred times a day you'll be leonine.
    Can zoo...can zoo...the man says the cat can zoo.

    I've even got a bear,
    He'll dance like Fred Astaire,
    Then lay back in bed and launch you in the air.
    Can zoo...can zoo...the man says the bear can zoo.

    So in the end, it seems
    I can fulfill your dreams.
    My job is to join man and beast in teams.
    Can zoo...
    Can zoo...
    The man says the team can zoo!

visits since 8/9/97

Index -- Updated January 18, 1997 -- E-mail Actaeon