# Actaeon's Zoo Humor Archive

By Actaeon:

Actaeon's "Deep Thoughts"
  A collection of, well, thoughts. Most are shallow. :)

By Other Zoos:

Kurt Goafec's ZooNews archive, volume I -- NEW! January 1, 1999
  21 bestiality-related news items from various newspapers and other sources around the world. Kurt is no longer compiling these reports, but it's too good an idea to abandon, so if you have new items to submit, send them to me (Actaeon).
Noah DePony's Zoo Purity Test -- NEW! November 8, 1997
  Found this at Barnside's website: I scored a 12, though that will go up when I get a dog. :)
Right and Wrong Ways for a Zoo to Die -- NEW! October 31, 1997
  Submitted by SharpFang. You know, he's right. :)
Why Dogs are Better than Horses -- NEW! August 16, 1997
  Submitted by Ojah. Don't worry, horse lovers get a few digs in, too. :)
From "The Sermon Behind the Mount, Mark Matthews 5:1-15"
  A parody on a Bible passage.
You Might Be a Zoo If...
  A parody on the Jeff Foxworthy concept. Contribute your own!
Zoo Jokes
  ...from a zillion different sources. The original authors have often been lost to history. If you know for sure who wrote one of these, or if you have a contribution of your own, e-mail me.

By Non-Zoos:

Adult Dictionary -- NEW! August 16, 1997
  A tongue-in-cheek sex dictionary with many, many zoo references, among other things. If you can dream it up, it's in here. Thanks to Ziiraal for alerting me to the new location.
The top 20 reasons why dogs don't use computers -- NEW! August 12, 1997
  Aside from the fact that we keep them too busy using us, of course.
Everything I need to know, I learned from my dog -- NEW! August 12, 1997
  Who says a dog can't teach a human a few tricks?
Dog's Ten Commandments -- NEW! August 12, 1997
  More serious than humorous. Are you obeying these commandments?
Dog Rules -- NEW! July 29, 1997
  Are these the rules in your house?
Chuck Shepherd's News of the Wierd -- NEW! July 13, 1997
  While rarely zoo-ish, this web page does occasionally have entries for people who were caught in flagrante delicto with an animal. Universal Press Syndicates has a slightly different rendition of the NOTW.
Cow Babe of the Month -- NEW! July 11, 1997
  G-rated photos of cows.
Gallery of Flossie -- NEW! July 11, 1997
  G-rated photos of sheep, yaks, camels, llamas, and others, I think.
"Fred on Ice" or, Sex and the Single Dog--from Ducks Unlimited
  Can I donate again? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I? Huh?
Why Dogs Are Better Than Men
  ...and other observations.
Why Dogs Are Better Than Women
  NEW! June 28, 1997
80 Reasons Why Animals Are Better Than Humans
  Just like it says. :)
The Lurking Menace of Rampant Bestiality
  Kinda negative, but funny.
Wet Dream
  Not zoo, really, but a song by Kip Adotta with a lot of puns about animals and animal sex.
The Sick List [MISSING]
  Rather weird: a list of "sick" things people have done, sex-wise. Most are just dumb or disgusting, but there are numerous animal references.
Beastly Bonking [MISSING]
  A Light-hearted Guide to Animal Sex, illustrated with cartoons and humorous (and occasionally accurate :) text.
Sheep
  Ten Reasons Why Sheep Are Better Than Women, and vice versa.
Mike's Madness [MISSING]
Sheep Home Page [MISSING]
Ken Smith's Zoophily Limericks [DELETED]

Zoo Humor Not on the Internet:

"Sex and the Single Cat" (a book published in 1964)
"Sex-to-Sexty" and "Super-Sex-to-Sexty" (magazines--NEW! October 18, 1997
  Someone anonymously sent me a collection of limericks compiled from these three sources. He reports: "[In addition to limericks, these contain] jokes and cartoons about, what else, sex. :-) Human, animal, other, and some combinations. The "Single Cat" book is all natural feline. After the 150th magazine they got too repetitious so I dropped the subscription. .... The blurb in the front of Sex-to-Sexty #4 said that the writer had done more than 10,000 raunchy limericks as well as more than 10,000 'clean' ones. Don't know how far I'd really believe that."

Index -- Updated Saturday, November 8, 1997 -- E-mail Actaeon