1
00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:37,620
Rallicat, Gaz_A.... Fail!
2
00:01:38,320 --> 00:01:42,360
but hello at Midwest Furfest 2013. I'm very tired,
3
00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:44,360
and hungry.
4
00:01:44,820 --> 00:01:47,120
Hello, how are you?
5
00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:48,448
I can't actually say...
6
00:01:48,448 --> 00:01:52,864
Go, get in suit! You see, this is not con mode!
7
00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:54,860
This is con mode!
8
00:02:53,420 --> 00:02:57,160
Hahahaha, welcome to Midwest Furfest
9
00:02:57,160 --> 00:03:01,160
we're gonna have lots of fun, aren't we? Hahahaha
10
00:03:02,620 --> 00:03:07,180
Why don't you see tigers playing poker in the jungle?
11
00:03:07,180 --> 00:03:08,740
Ehhh, why?
12
00:03:08,740 --> 00:03:11,420
Because there are too many cheetahs!
13
00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:16,720
There can never be too many cheetahs! That's not possible.
14
00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:21,460
One cheetah, two cheetah, but only one tiger. Too much!
15
00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:50,040
Hi mom, hi dad!
16
00:03:51,100 --> 00:03:55,800
You know? We both like boys!
17
00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:58,200
And that's so cool!
18
00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:02,680
OMG I'm way too drunk to be saying that!
19
00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:54,340
Welcome to Fidwest Murfest thirty....twenteen...
20
00:06:15,340 --> 00:06:19,540
Welcome to Midwest Furfest 2013!
21
00:10:28,700 --> 00:10:32,260
Hey! Omg!
22
00:10:32,460 --> 00:10:35,740
Did you do that? Awesome!
23
00:10:39,300 --> 00:10:44,580
I've only just realized that Tristan's cheek symbol
looks like a communist sickle
24
00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:47,380
That is a communist sickle!
25
00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:52,580
[HUMMS THE RUSSIAN ANTHEM]
26
00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:55,820
I hope there's no Polish people around here.
27
00:10:55,980 --> 00:10:57,900
No Germans around here!
28
00:10:57,940 --> 00:11:00,900
There are no Germans allowed here!
29
00:11:01,460 --> 00:11:03,640
Why would there be Germans in America?
30
00:11:03,780 --> 00:11:09,180
Yea, that would be totally weird at all.
Yes... All the Germans!
31
00:11:09,260 --> 00:11:16,280
It's America! They are not allowed. How can they
cross the border? They don't know even speak German, wait...
32
00:11:16,380 --> 00:11:18,560
They speak German and don't speak English.
33
00:11:18,780 --> 00:11:25,760
I don't speak German at all.
No I can hear that! Why would you have an accent?
34
00:11:25,860 --> 00:11:32,400
I'm not sure at all. Your English is like perfectly fine!
Yea I know, right?
35
00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:23,740
Suck it, bitch!
36
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:58,900
Yea baby! Friday night! Hahaha
37
00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:07,460
So we're here at Midwest Furfest. It's Thursday morning
38
00:13:10,020 --> 00:13:11,660
I don't know whats going on!
39
00:13:12,740 --> 00:13:15,580
Where is the booze at? You had booze yet?
40
00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:18,380
Smart man!
41
00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:21,160
WOOO!
42
00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:44,920
Beep!
43
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:34,100
Welcome to Anthrocon 2013!
44
00:15:34,180 --> 00:15:36,260
You're failing miserably sir! What?
45
00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:40,520
Welcome to MFF 2013!
46
00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:08,640
Filming the cameraman. Haha!
47
00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:13,340
I don't know what to say!
48
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,560
What should I say? Hi?
49
00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:17,800
Hi!
50
00:16:18,140 --> 00:16:22,620
Hi my name is Snuggle Bunny and I'm very gay
51
00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:29,920
I speak very little German but I'm not good!
52
00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:39,420
Do not google translate it. Do not google translate it!
53
00:16:40,980 --> 00:16:43,760
It's not worth it!
54
00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:14,000
[SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK]
55
00:18:25,940 --> 00:18:32,220
OH MY GOD! Look at the majesty! I was blinded by the light!
56
00:22:49,540 --> 00:22:56,600
Down!...Down!... Stay!.....Stay!....
57
00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:03,660
Doin' it wrong!
58
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:09,380
You! Yes you! Yea! No, I'm coming after you! Hey!
59
00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:12,880
Hey, I'm trying to talk to you! There, yes. St...stop!
60
00:23:13,020 --> 00:23:16,320
I... don't...
61
00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:24,740
Argh, you start to piss me off! Come here. COME HERE! Get back!
62
00:24:26,620 --> 00:24:33,600
Everybody has to ask these questions to him!
Ask him how tall he is!... No!
63
00:24:34,140 --> 00:24:38,720
How tall are you? 6'10" You play basketball?
64
00:24:39,220 --> 00:24:42,400
No! How big is your shoe size?
65
00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:47,240
14! Do you sit down to change the light bulbs?
66
00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:50,400
That is a good one actually!
67
00:25:22,500 --> 00:25:26,820
Fetwist Merfust thirteen....twenty!
68
00:25:26,820 --> 00:25:29,880
No...I will get this right eventually!
69
00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:32,820
OMG IT HAS EYES!
70
00:25:38,980 --> 00:25:41,760
No no no no..!
71
00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:42,820
Hi BBF. I'm not interesting. Honestly.
72
00:26:43,580 --> 00:26:46,600
No. Still not interesting.
73
00:26:47,340 --> 00:26:49,780
Why don't you film him?
74
00:26:51,420 --> 00:26:53,900
Ok... Hi!
75
00:26:56,660 --> 00:26:59,360
Nope, still not interesting!
76
00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:14,860
This is MFF!
77
00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:31,220
Hi! I'm Zeke Hyena and I'm at MFF to destroy peoples hopes and dreams.
78
00:27:31,260 --> 00:27:36,300
It's fun. You should try it. So if you see me coming towards ya, better turn and run.
79
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:42,780
Or, you know, you could come give me a hug too. I love hugs.
But then just expect me to ruin your dreams afterwards.
80
00:27:48,460 --> 00:27:54,120
This is the best con you possibly ever get to. I mean, you know
why it is the best con? Why is that? Because I am here!
81
00:27:54,260 --> 00:27:56,180
Very true! Very true!
82
00:27:56,920 --> 00:28:02,400
The only reason why this con is the best con is 'cause, well, I'm here!
83
00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:05,640
I just make everything better before I ruin it!
84
00:28:05,940 --> 00:28:12,320
Just like you do with condition! That's right. I mean, sorry condition fans but RIP condition....
85
00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:16,040
That's how it happens. RIP
86
00:28:19,980 --> 00:28:24,400
I like to do that. I like to ruin the whole dream about furrys. It's fun!
87
00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:30,080
Remember that guys. When you see me around prepare to have everything that you know will be destroyed.
88
00:28:30,740 --> 00:28:40,380
That's right. If this tiny spec of air in my palm are your dreams
and I put it on the ground like that, this is what's gonna happen
89
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:44,100
And then my sunglasses fall too!
90
00:28:46,460 --> 00:28:54,160
That's...that represents your dreams, they're on the ground
and they're just destroyed. That's what happens!
91
00:28:55,980 --> 00:29:01,100
So this is why... remember kids, stay in school and eat
your vegetables, otherwise I'll come around!
92
00:29:22,060 --> 00:29:24,000
What are you doing?
93
00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:36,000
Hi you fuzzbutts. Welcome to "how-not-to basic - MFF edition"
94
00:29:36,020 --> 00:29:39,620
In this video, we're gonna be learning how not to be camera shy
95
00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:43,920
Step 1: Make sure you're wearing a fursuit!
Step 2: Have lots of coffee!
96
00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:47,240
Step 3: Go as buck wild as you can!
97
00:29:47,460 --> 00:29:48,220
WAAAHHHH
98
00:29:51,500 --> 00:29:55,400
You know? You have a good time at a convention and, better yet,
99
00:29:55,420 --> 00:29:58,380
you're not camera shy anymore! If these glasses
100
00:30:00,140 --> 00:30:03,800
These glasses seem to run away from me all the time whenever I'm on camera!
101
00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:12,420
I twerked so hard that my glasses broke in half.
102
00:30:12,900 --> 00:30:17,200
Oh well, I mean they are only a thousand dollars right? But that's nothing!
103
00:30:18,060 --> 00:30:21,380
When you are fabulous everything is priceless!
104
00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:40,980
Wow he's so fabulous just 'cause of the glasses.
105
00:30:41,900 --> 00:30:44,860
The glasses make everything more fabulous.
106
00:30:46,260 --> 00:30:48,780
I got too much coffee today!
107
00:31:17,140 --> 00:31:24,160
Well that's all you learn today folks in this special edition
of How-not-to basics at Midwest Furfest 2013
108
00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:31,500
Hope to see you next year here and, well...
prepare to have all your dreams be crushed under my paws!
109
00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:35,900
Nom! Nom!
110
00:35:03,940 --> 00:35:05,320
Adorbs!
111
00:37:34,180 --> 00:37:39,300
What they are is they are tiger stripes. There is a red tiger laying down right here.
112
00:37:39,300 --> 00:37:43,660
He doesn't like when you step on him. Yea right!
113
00:37:47,180 --> 00:37:49,960
I know that camera! The camera's got eyes!
114
00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:54,640
Now which one do I look? Do I look here? There? There?
You can look down too!
115
00:37:55,220 --> 00:37:57,180
Oh my god!
116
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:04,620
We're having a threeway here!
And this is only Thursday!
117
00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:32,920
I'm in this space and already done. I got right through there.
118
00:38:34,420 --> 00:38:39,340
Get ready, it's coming!
LIKE A WRECKINGBALL!
119
00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:57,320
Noo, the camera. And it's driving me mad! Hahaha! The camera is driving me mad...
120
00:38:57,920 --> 00:39:00,640
...and I totally screwed up!
121
00:39:05,120 --> 00:39:07,920
He's just drinking coke!
122
00:39:10,140 --> 00:39:12,100
Drinking like a Hoss!
123
00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:20,420
Hey!
Vacation!
124
00:39:22,540 --> 00:39:27,680
?? Why do you film me? Why not film this ?? gentlemen over here
He has a nice hat! I don't.
125
00:39:28,620 --> 00:39:35,120
WHY? There is nothing special about me!
Leave me alone! [WHINES]
126
00:39:37,860 --> 00:39:39,460
[SQUEAK]
127
00:39:39,620 --> 00:39:42,460
Cheetah: ARGH. I'm going to die!
128
00:40:02,820 --> 00:40:05,120
[CHORTLE CHIRP]
129
00:40:15,260 --> 00:40:19,360
Will this nurse you for long enough my soul?
130
00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:24,500
She doesn't... It's not even interested now.
Not even interested. You back off!
131
00:40:24,960 --> 00:40:26,840
Get away from me!
132
00:40:54,700 --> 00:40:58,960
Too much cute! Too much! Ohhh no.
133
00:41:01,280 --> 00:41:04,580
Hey! You should learn how to do lasers!
134
00:41:04,880 --> 00:41:09,120
You should make pew pew sounds!
[PEW PEW PEW]
135
00:41:09,620 --> 00:41:14,680
[PEW PEW PEW]
Telephone, can you do a machine gun?
136
00:41:15,940 --> 00:41:18,660
[PWWRWRWRWRWRWRW]
Yay!
137
00:41:22,040 --> 00:41:25,660
This is the best fursuit ever because it has an alarm!
138
00:41:26,260 --> 00:41:32,200
Cause you can park the telephone somewhere and then...
139
00:41:32,460 --> 00:41:36,700
there it is. But if you bump into the Telephone....
140
00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:40,840
[BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP]
141
00:41:42,020 --> 00:41:45,560
But the only way to stop this is, you have to have the remote!
142
00:41:47,100 --> 00:41:50,440
But that is my hat! I picked out that hat!
143
00:41:51,280 --> 00:41:55,100
Gay men are not the only ones to wear a hat!
144
00:42:22,580 --> 00:42:25,740
This is the finest whiskey to come out of Scotland.
145
00:42:25,760 --> 00:42:30,560
It's called Lagavulin. It's not for pussies, at all!
146
00:42:32,680 --> 00:42:36,100
The funny thing is, I'm giving this to my Scottish friend...
147
00:42:36,380 --> 00:42:39,780
He's never had it, even though he lives in Scotland.
148
00:42:39,980 --> 00:42:43,520
I had to pay for it over here. This is a $20 glass booze!
149
00:42:44,460 --> 00:42:49,620
Just for the record there is so many whiskeys in Scotland,
it's impossible to know them all! But there is only one Lagavulin!
150
00:42:49,620 --> 00:42:52,840
Take a gulp of it. Take a good gulp of it!
151
00:43:01,020 --> 00:43:04,000
We have a problem. We have a huge problem!
152
00:43:04,120 --> 00:43:06,540
You don't have autofocus on, damn you!
153
00:43:11,620 --> 00:43:15,120
Oh crap! Why do you have this?
154
00:43:16,060 --> 00:43:22,320
Where is your...? I told you we're qualified to use the damn camera!
I am qualified to use the camera!
155
00:43:22,560 --> 00:43:25,580
What's the problem? Nothin! It's broken!
156
00:43:27,440 --> 00:43:31,420
Ich habe einen klein Problem! Ich habe kein Wein!
[I have a small problem. I have no wine!]
157
00:43:31,460 --> 00:43:38,180
Actually I'm wrong. The camera is focused. My eyes are just going bad!
That's all it is!
158
00:43:38,200 --> 00:43:41,340
Und 2 der Gryphon Rantische ist ein Altman!
[And 2 the Grypon is an old man]
159
00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:44,100
NEIN! Ja...ja....
[NO! Yes...yes...]
160
00:43:47,940 --> 00:43:50,180
What's me this strange thing here?
161
00:43:51,860 --> 00:43:53,980
Very weird. It has eyes!
162
00:43:59,280 --> 00:44:02,800
Get is away. I've got...I have a pointy thing!
163
00:44:07,140 --> 00:44:09,500
I keep the rum in me!
164
00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:14,160
This thing? This is magical. Magical!
165
00:44:15,340 --> 00:44:22,860
Only German witches, can wield... Witches? Witches! Witches you say? German Witches!
166
00:44:22,860 --> 00:44:26,240
German witches! ...can wield this device!
167
00:44:48,800 --> 00:44:52,100
I wonder when Kage's story hour is?
168
00:44:52,920 --> 00:44:55,400
Let's check the pocket schedule for that!
169
00:45:04,620 --> 00:45:06,340
Amazing!
170
00:45:07,620 --> 00:45:12,380
I should find a fursuiter. OMG, they just hold it right here
Hold it right here!
171
00:45:14,820 --> 00:45:17,540
Put "Censored" on this side!
172
00:45:20,500 --> 00:45:24,620
No no no, there is nothing there!
We already had that at AC
173
00:45:26,040 --> 00:45:34,500
Da ta ta ta ta!...
Oh no! I'm having Vietnam flashbacks!
174
00:45:44,820 --> 00:45:49,300
Hiii!
You are back to look at my beautiful face again?
175
00:45:49,380 --> 00:45:54,140
I may not have my fabulous glasses on but you can still look at this pretty face!
176
00:45:54,180 --> 00:45:57,660
I mean who could resist a hyena anyways, hmm?
177
00:46:17,860 --> 00:46:20,920
The worst ears ever! Poor rabbit!
178
00:47:06,820 --> 00:47:09,160
Hey you!
179
00:49:05,800 --> 00:49:08,560
*drunk mumbling*
180
00:49:08,580 --> 00:49:13,260
Don't film this you bastard! God damnit I'm drunk!
181
00:49:13,260 --> 00:49:15,360
You really are!
182
00:49:42,120 --> 00:49:44,660
I'd buy that for a dollar!
183
00:50:14,360 --> 00:50:21,040
Allright, just in case you weren't clued in by the thousands
of fake animal people in the lobby right now
184
00:50:21,040 --> 00:50:26,560
if here you are here for Midwest Furfest 2013...
you are probably in the right place!
185
00:50:31,480 --> 00:50:37,820
My name is Perro, I'm the Chairman of Midwest Furfest.
This is my second year,
186
00:50:38,740 --> 00:50:45,460
the leaders that have decided that I would be a good con chair
obviously didn't get the memo from the first year,
187
00:50:45,520 --> 00:50:48,780
but somehow they let me do it again, and...
188
00:50:49,000 --> 00:50:53,280
it's, you know, I will say it from a personal standpoint,
It's been an absolute pleasure,
189
00:50:53,320 --> 00:51:00,680
helping sail this ship. I made a pirate reference. Did you see that?
Yarr!
190
00:51:00,740 --> 00:51:04,600
Allright, so we have some guest of honor.
And they are the best guest of honor.
191
00:51:04,600 --> 00:51:08,700
Our number one first is Chibi-Marrow
192
00:51:08,860 --> 00:51:11,700
You wanna stand up and say hello Chibi?
193
00:51:19,660 --> 00:51:24,500
We have the... oh! Another guest...
194
00:51:25,880 --> 00:51:29,400
The fursuit maker "Silver Huskywolf"
195
00:51:29,400 --> 00:51:32,620
from FurrHappens.com
196
00:51:38,280 --> 00:51:44,620
And we have Sonderjen, Hello! You sold a soda machine last year with all the artwork!
197
00:51:48,580 --> 00:51:55,360
All three of these guys have really worked hard,
have brought us lots of artwork for our conbook and other things
198
00:51:55,360 --> 00:51:59,800
and I can't say thanks enough to them all, they did such a good job!
199
00:51:59,820 --> 00:52:04,020
You actually not get to talk. You know? I get to talk. I just sit there and look pretty!
200
00:52:04,080 --> 00:52:08,900
I will get them soda and coffee. So guys...
201
00:52:09,280 --> 00:52:14,780
You want a whine? Aww, we don't have adult beverages
on this stage! [WINK WINK]
202
00:52:14,920 --> 00:52:18,360
What? No come back, please!
203
00:52:19,000 --> 00:52:24,380
?? Beverages depot, right now!
204
00:52:25,260 --> 00:52:30,160
Reggie brewing beer underneath the stage right now.
There is a thing down back. We're fine!
205
00:52:30,460 --> 00:52:36,120
So, guys, new people, welcome! Seasoned veterans, welcome!
206
00:52:36,180 --> 00:52:39,820
Again, our job here is making sure you
guys are having a great time so
207
00:52:39,820 --> 00:52:43,400
if you see anything, have any problems,
come to anybody with a radio
208
00:52:43,560 --> 00:52:47,240
feel free to come to me. Feel free to give me money. I love it!
209
00:52:47,760 --> 00:52:52,040
Give the money to the charity! Or give it to the charity cause...
210
00:52:52,040 --> 00:52:58,180
that dog looks much better... Perro is not a charity!
So, guys, thank you very much and, you know,
211
00:52:58,220 --> 00:53:00,720
have a great time! Thank you!
212
00:58:05,880 --> 00:58:07,980
[CHORTLES]
213
00:58:08,220 --> 00:58:12,680
[BARK BARK BARK]
Who are you? What's your name? Animal!
214
00:58:12,740 --> 00:58:16,940
Animal! Allright! A shedding hazard.
Uhuh. Excellent!
215
00:58:17,060 --> 00:58:21,660
Hi! Hi! How's it going? Good! Good.
216
00:58:22,740 --> 00:58:25,780
Having fun? Yes! Ok!
217
00:59:33,460 --> 00:59:37,300
This be a photo or video magic device thing!
218
00:59:40,880 --> 00:59:43,620
Surrender your hugs!
219
00:59:43,660 --> 00:59:46,600
It's one of my favourite conventions because
220
00:59:46,640 --> 00:59:53,240
it's very well run, I love the people here, and I don't have to run it!
221
00:59:53,996 --> 00:59:56,316
Not my fault, not my problem, not my con!
222
01:00:00,540 --> 01:00:04,940
So, what are you planning to do besides Uncle Kage's Story Hour?
223
01:00:04,955 --> 01:00:10,340
I'm gonna eat some spam! Made by Hormel corporation!
Is that full of email or what?
224
01:00:10,340 --> 01:00:12,700
It is. You open up and email comes out!
225
01:00:17,500 --> 01:00:19,560
Nom nom nom nom!
226
01:00:23,440 --> 01:00:25,440
?? You must be some kind of... ?
227
01:00:27,080 --> 01:00:29,680
Are those your teeth? Stop it!
228
01:02:35,220 --> 01:02:40,400
We are not standing here! You did not get the standing.
We where moving.
229
01:07:11,800 --> 01:07:17,920
Ok, get it out of your system. You wanna hear a national song?
Let's hear the Scottish national anthem!
230
01:07:28,220 --> 01:07:31,380
Isn't that a drinking song? Oh, ok!
231
01:07:34,220 --> 01:07:38,920
You know, people say "Uncle Kage speaks a lot of languages here, doesn't he?"
232
01:07:38,920 --> 01:07:41,860
Uh, no! I just fake it!
233
01:07:42,400 --> 01:07:47,380
I can get by in Germany. These guys are very kind,
my German actually sucks!
234
01:07:47,380 --> 01:07:52,280
They can not understand a word I say.
They just smile and nod.
235
01:07:52,920 --> 01:07:58,120
I have learned, anywhere you travel in the world,
236
01:07:58,120 --> 01:08:03,920
if you are an American, there is one phrase you should learn!
Some of you may have heard this already:
237
01:08:03,920 --> 01:08:07,080
[CLEARS THROAT] but it will come in handy!
238
01:08:07,360 --> 01:08:11,860
You need to learn the equivalent phrase, in that country, of:
239
01:08:11,880 --> 01:08:15,880
"I am a stupid American and do not speak your language!"
240
01:08:16,680 --> 01:08:20,300
It will get you anywhere. For example: France
241
01:08:20,300 --> 01:08:22,400
If I go to France I will tell people:
242
01:08:22,400 --> 01:08:26,000
"Ich bin ein dummer Amerikaner und ich spreche kein Deutsch"
243
01:08:27,780 --> 01:08:31,280
If I wanna go to France I will say:
244
01:08:31,280 --> 01:08:35,020
"Je suis un barbaire Américain et je ne parle pas français"
245
01:08:35,140 --> 01:08:39,660
If I go to the Check republic, it's:
246
01:08:39,680 --> 01:08:42,980
"Jsem hloupý Američan a nemluví česky!"
247
01:08:43,140 --> 01:08:44,400
If I go to Japan it's:
248
01:08:44,420 --> 01:08:48,020
?? "Watashi wa baka Amerika hitoda to nihongo o hanasu koto wa arimasen!"
249
01:08:52,880 --> 01:08:56,260
If I go to Australia it's:
"I'm a Yank. Fuck it!"
250
01:09:02,460 --> 01:09:09,260
I have many reasons for not liking technology, especially this
modern technology you kids are always playing with!
251
01:09:09,660 --> 01:09:15,360
Not the last of which It's when It's done to my poor, innocent, white haired, old mother.
252
01:09:15,560 --> 01:09:19,000
How many people here have ever met my mom?
253
01:09:19,280 --> 01:09:24,840
Mhm. Does she look like a innocent, frail, white haired little old lady to you?
254
01:09:24,860 --> 01:09:27,800
She looks it, doesn't she?
255
01:09:29,040 --> 01:09:34,620
The Germans, as I mentioned before being fine fellows
my parents always go to Eurofurence.
256
01:09:35,200 --> 01:09:40,380
they thought it would be a good idea,
because my parents are a certain age
257
01:09:40,620 --> 01:09:43,340
And they are starting to have some trouble with mobility
258
01:09:43,700 --> 01:09:48,720
They thought it would be a good idea to rent
some motorized scooters for them
259
01:09:49,100 --> 01:09:52,660
Motorized scooters made by Mercedes Benz
260
01:09:53,880 --> 01:09:57,400
with very high powered motors in them
261
01:09:58,420 --> 01:10:01,720
Either not realizing or conveniently forgetting that
262
01:10:01,720 --> 01:10:04,820
my mother used to be a member of, shall we say,
263
01:10:04,820 --> 01:10:09,980
an association of motorcycle enthusiasts in the 1950s.
264
01:10:15,400 --> 01:10:18,180
The dragon ate 2!!
265
01:10:19,200 --> 01:10:25,500
Spit him out, spit him out! We need him up here!
266
01:10:25,820 --> 01:10:28,700
Okay, George Carlin pointed this out:
267
01:10:28,700 --> 01:10:28,720
Why is it that we talk about taking a shit?
Okay, George Carlin pointed this out:
268
01:10:28,720 --> 01:10:31,200
Why is it that we talk about taking a shit?
269
01:10:31,460 --> 01:10:34,160
You don't take a shit, you leave 'em!
270
01:10:35,780 --> 01:10:37,640
It just doesn't sound right.
271
01:10:37,700 --> 01:10:41,080
God bless George Carlin: "I left a shit, Bill!"
272
01:10:41,180 --> 01:10:42,740
Where'd you leave it this time?
273
01:10:42,960 --> 01:10:46,320
I betcha the kids won't find it till Easter!
274
01:10:47,040 --> 01:10:50,360
That was brilliance, Ladies and Gentlemen, that was comedic genius!
275
01:10:52,840 --> 01:10:55,220
When I was still living in Pennsylvania, every
276
01:10:55,220 --> 01:10:55,240
Thursday without fail, I'd go to my parent's house to have dinner.
When I was still living in Pennsylvania, every
277
01:10:55,240 --> 01:10:59,840
Thursday without fail, I'd go to my parent's house to have dinner.
278
01:11:00,280 --> 01:11:02,180
And for years
279
01:11:02,300 --> 01:11:04,920
the dinner would be cooking and it would smell wonderful
280
01:11:04,920 --> 01:11:06,960
My mom would be in the kitchen
281
01:11:07,080 --> 01:11:09,540
and she'd be cooking dinner.
282
01:11:09,540 --> 01:11:12,480
Then she discovered Farmville!
283
01:11:15,220 --> 01:11:18,660
And things changed in our family.
284
01:11:19,520 --> 01:11:21,540
I would get to the house....
285
01:11:22,160 --> 01:11:24,860
...and there would be no pots cooking...
286
01:11:26,220 --> 01:11:29,480
...the pots would be cold and empty...
287
01:11:30,440 --> 01:11:33,020
...I would run in to the dining room
288
01:11:33,060 --> 01:11:35,740
where my mother had her little laptop set up
289
01:11:35,800 --> 01:11:38,200
and I would say "Mom, where the hell is my dinner?"
290
01:11:38,200 --> 01:11:41,480
and she would say "Not now, my cows are at 28%!"
291
01:11:42,320 --> 01:11:45,840
"Yeah, but you son's at 0%!"
292
01:11:46,120 --> 01:11:47,960
She would pick up
293
01:11:48,120 --> 01:11:52,840
her version of this and she would dial the Chinese take-out service.
294
01:12:12,566 --> 01:12:19,166
Two the ranting gryphon will be joining us. Actually he won't be joining us.
We'll be down there drinking and he'll be up here without a drink!
295
01:12:21,280 --> 01:12:24,420
I better have something to drink! We gotta go. He's back!
296
01:12:24,600 --> 01:12:27,960
Ladies and Gentlemen! -2- the Ranting Gryphon! The man you were waiting to see!
297
01:12:28,000 --> 01:12:30,720
Fox Amoore, thank you very much for joining in tonight!
298
01:12:31,820 --> 01:12:33,600
Uncle Kage, how's it going?
299
01:12:35,260 --> 01:12:39,680
I found myself in this elevator, just packed
300
01:12:40,000 --> 01:12:43,920
with the most adorable shit that ever fell off the crazy truck!
301
01:12:45,060 --> 01:12:48,200
Cute, wide eyed smiling puppies and...
302
01:12:48,560 --> 01:12:52,240
an adorable little bird, and this little racoon, and a...
303
01:12:52,400 --> 01:12:55,820
completely naked guy
304
01:12:56,620 --> 01:13:03,160
And, I was looking over all this cute stuff and there she was, in the back of the elevator.
305
01:13:03,800 --> 01:13:10,900
Trying desperately to absorb into the fabric of the elevator and disappear.
306
01:13:11,400 --> 01:13:16,420
And, she saw my batch. I had a dealer badge.
307
01:13:16,820 --> 01:13:19,760
And she leaned over and said:
308
01:13:20,500 --> 01:13:25,060
"It says you are a dealer!", I said: "Yea"
309
01:13:25,580 --> 01:13:29,540
She said: "Are you a drug dealer?"
310
01:13:33,460 --> 01:13:36,680
Mine! Mine mine mine mine!
311
01:13:37,923 --> 01:13:41,803
Now, what I should have said...
312
01:13:42,460 --> 01:13:47,640
was, no no no, I'm a dealer here at this convention,
313
01:13:47,900 --> 01:13:53,160
you know, that would have been the nice thing to do.
I'm just a comedic. I sell DVD's and my work.
314
01:13:54,860 --> 01:13:57,700
That's what I should have said. That would have been the nice thing to do.
315
01:13:58,700 --> 01:14:03,520
Instead, I reached into my pocket.\Pulled up a bag of blue pills and said:
316
01:14:03,540 --> 01:14:06,280
"They make the animals go away!"
317
01:14:17,441 --> 01:14:22,761
They are wandering through a hotel of their own ghosts.
They should be scared a little bit.
318
01:14:23,601 --> 01:14:28,601
But you know? Scared is not good enough.
Scared is not good enough for me!
319
01:14:29,321 --> 01:14:31,761
I want to see some therapy bills.
320
01:14:34,380 --> 01:14:38,720
We can do this folks. We can make the therapy bills happen!
321
01:14:39,080 --> 01:14:47,320
We can... Ok, theoretically. What if...? I've seen these twin fursuiters.
322
01:14:47,340 --> 01:14:51,880
Every now and then you see twins. Sometimes you see triplets but we have to do this with twins.
323
01:14:52,100 --> 01:15:00,640
What if we took a couple of those twin fursuiters, and put them in the hotel, at the end of a hallway together
324
01:15:01,520 --> 01:15:04,630
In the middle of a bunch of hacked up bodies
325
01:15:05,839 --> 01:15:09,759
going "Come play with us human!"
326
01:15:10,340 --> 01:15:11,870
"Forever!"
327
01:15:12,260 --> 01:15:14,080
"And ever!"
328
01:15:15,600 --> 01:15:18,590
Tching! Therapy!
329
01:15:21,820 --> 01:15:28,950
What if... this may take a lot of work.
What if we build a group of bunny fursuits...?
330
01:15:29,580 --> 01:15:32,040
with no skin!
331
01:15:33,830 --> 01:15:41,000
Huge eyes, big dick, no skin. And whenever somebody walks
through the hotel with a fur coat on,
332
01:15:41,400 --> 01:15:44,200
We can send them over with a little sign that says:
333
01:15:44,680 --> 01:15:46,540
"We're cold!"
334
01:15:48,460 --> 01:15:52,310
Tching! Therapy!
335
01:15:53,760 --> 01:15:59,060
What if we been down to the restaurant, and got a big steak,
big ass juicy steak,
336
01:15:59,260 --> 01:16:03,110
and had a cow fursuit give birth to it, right in the lobby!
337
01:16:03,680 --> 01:16:07,420
Right in front the... "Mooo Mooo". Boom!
338
01:16:08,660 --> 01:16:14,390
And all the other fursuits could go: "STILLBIRTH"
And jump on it and start ripping it apart.
339
01:16:17,140 --> 01:16:20,830
Tching! Therapy!
340
01:16:21,300 --> 01:16:23,430
[BURPS] Real show now.
341
01:16:25,600 --> 01:16:28,350
Toast farts!
342
01:16:30,400 --> 01:16:33,670
Around every... 10 seconds
343
01:16:35,060 --> 01:16:37,820
every day, and...
344
01:16:40,240 --> 01:16:47,710
one night we had eaten some homemade chili
and he went to bed. He was asleep before I was.
345
01:16:47,940 --> 01:16:49,710
And he sleeps....
346
01:16:50,315 --> 01:16:53,595
He sleeps like other people mush!
347
01:16:53,620 --> 01:16:58,110
I swear to god, he beats me the shit in my sleep, so...
348
01:16:58,960 --> 01:17:01,470
I wanna get some revenge here
349
01:17:02,560 --> 01:17:04,880
I go to sleep, he's already in bed.
350
01:17:05,515 --> 01:17:12,234
And, I lay down and, you ever like, you know, moving around and then
you switch positions like you lay down, and then you feel...
351
01:17:12,840 --> 01:17:19,560
the fart go: "Hello!" and "Oh, it's right there!"
352
01:17:19,800 --> 01:17:24,310
So I'm like: "Ok, I don't wanna wake him up so...
353
01:17:25,500 --> 01:17:27,310
[PFFRRRT]
354
01:17:28,680 --> 01:17:29,670
Toast?
355
01:17:30,220 --> 01:17:32,460
Nrrggghhh
356
01:17:33,980 --> 01:17:40,190
So I'm like "Ok, let's... ohh... Hello!, ok"
357
01:17:41,940 --> 01:17:45,070
[PFFFFRRRRRRT]
358
01:17:46,980 --> 01:17:50,320
Toast: Nrrrgghhhghh
359
01:17:51,740 --> 01:17:55,950
Ok, It's over. So I roll over.
360
01:17:57,760 --> 01:18:00,280
HELLLOOOO!!
361
01:18:01,760 --> 01:18:03,540
Ok....
362
01:18:05,432 --> 01:18:09,272
[PFFFFFRRRRRRRRRTTTTT]
363
01:18:09,640 --> 01:18:14,750
And Toast, in his half sleep-dazed mind
364
01:18:15,080 --> 01:18:20,710
That can only scramble from whatever basic words were in hid instinct, went:
365
01:18:21,312 --> 01:18:24,831
"Unggggh...brown!...gnnnnn"
366
01:18:26,431 --> 01:18:27,231
Now...
367
01:18:31,311 --> 01:18:33,271
Since that day
368
01:18:34,591 --> 01:18:37,751
We have called this brown!
369
01:18:39,040 --> 01:18:41,550
We'll be wandering around and I be like:
370
01:18:43,060 --> 01:18:47,510
Did you brown? I browned!
371
01:18:48,500 --> 01:18:51,070
This was was a bad habit to get into
372
01:18:53,660 --> 01:18:57,190
I believe it was last year at FWA
373
01:18:58,040 --> 01:19:01,110
Ran into some acquaintances of mine and they
374
01:19:01,480 --> 01:19:03,760
they introduced me to this friend of them.
375
01:19:05,060 --> 01:19:06,950
Large black man.
376
01:19:08,140 --> 01:19:10,480
Very friendly, very kind.
377
01:19:10,760 --> 01:19:16,500
He was so big and so black I wanted to call him evening.
378
01:19:17,420 --> 01:19:21,860
And, we talk and we're hanging out and he's shaking my hand
379
01:19:22,040 --> 01:19:26,780
and stuff like that. I swear, one of my friends
over here let one go. I was like:
380
01:19:27,189 --> 01:19:30,069
I'm shaking his hand and I look up to him and said:
381
01:19:30,360 --> 01:19:32,660
You brown?
382
01:19:36,269 --> 01:19:39,269
Staring up at him in complete earnestness.
383
01:19:41,520 --> 01:19:44,660
Until the look on his face made me go:
384
01:19:45,320 --> 01:19:47,900
"Oh shit!"
385
01:19:49,680 --> 01:19:54,660
Why did I...? I had no excuse.
I had to tell him the whole story.
386
01:19:55,640 --> 01:19:58,460
And he promised not to kill me...
387
01:19:58,780 --> 01:20:02,060
as long as I told it on stage.
388
01:20:23,600 --> 01:20:27,260
Stop filming me! No, it's awesome, keep going!
389
01:20:27,920 --> 01:20:32,200
Hi! Stop touching me! No you like it!
390
01:20:32,360 --> 01:20:34,440
Look how tall this guy is!
391
01:20:34,500 --> 01:20:36,420
Massive. I'm too short!
392
01:23:05,160 --> 01:23:09,180
Just that guy from Germany. Again.
393
01:23:09,760 --> 01:23:13,100
I thought we put up the god damn portal guard
394
01:25:45,694 --> 01:25:47,574
Is this a video or a camera?
395
01:25:51,694 --> 01:25:54,774
This is a different lighting. I will blame it!
396
01:26:02,580 --> 01:26:05,810
Ohhh! Can you stand on your hand?
397
01:26:09,920 --> 01:26:12,320
I can even stand on one finger
398
01:27:05,600 --> 01:27:10,500
It's like a cold fusion lamp!
399
01:27:11,240 --> 01:27:13,640
I lost my hat. It's up in the room.
400
01:27:13,920 --> 01:27:17,400
I didn't loose my head. That'll come later tonight
401
01:27:19,060 --> 01:27:23,580
because I'm gonna have a blast here at Midwest Furfest 2013!
402
01:27:23,580 --> 01:27:32,040
It's only Friday night. Just like a gazillion people here if not more
this con is getting huge, huge.
403
01:27:32,040 --> 01:27:38,420
So hey, here with Cowboy Bob. I'm here with my friend Flow
404
01:27:38,420 --> 01:27:42,660
We're gonna go have a little bit or bite to eat
and then it's back to the action. Yea!
405
01:27:42,660 --> 01:27:46,220
Action! Why no flu? Hiiiii!
406
01:27:46,220 --> 01:27:48,720
This is epic "Meow meow meow meow meow!"
407
01:27:48,940 --> 01:27:50,600
Meow meow meow meow meow!
408
01:29:04,440 --> 01:29:07,160
Meow meow meow meow meow!
409
01:32:30,940 --> 01:32:32,360
What, I ought to be entertaining?
410
01:32:34,580 --> 01:32:40,360
You are asking so much. You are asking so
much I can only provide so little.
411
01:32:43,880 --> 01:32:48,080
Ok...ok bye! I...
412
01:34:02,180 --> 01:34:05,260
Not only am I like, the center of the rave...
413
01:34:05,460 --> 01:34:08,820
All you have to to is hanging me upside down
spinning me around an I am the party.
414
01:34:09,040 --> 01:34:14,480
I'm going to have so much sex with racoons tonight,
it's not even funny! Look at this!
415
01:34:17,280 --> 01:34:20,620
This is a raccoon magnet right here. I'm going for the raccoons.
416
01:34:20,620 --> 01:34:23,600
[WHISTLES]
417
01:34:34,060 --> 01:34:38,400
[WHISTLES]