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Just as a note:
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During the parade there will be a
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$350 fine for that.
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[crowd awooos]
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Don't watch me, watch them,
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They're pretty!
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I'm doing both!
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Legalize awoo or I'll bite!
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No awoo!
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Awoo! Awoo!
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Thank you BBF! Bye!
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Hii!
- Hello!
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Wow, that's heavy, you can have that back!
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00:07:52,850 --> 00:07:54,910
Ladies and Gentlemen, this has been
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00:07:55,310 --> 00:07:57,510
the Anthrocon 2017 fursuit parade,
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00:07:57,510 --> 00:07:59,510
we do this for the city of Pittsburgh because
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you guys have been so great to us!
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This is one way of sharing with you
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We gonna get together in a Meet'n Greet inside
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the convention center behind those
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grey doors! Did we find the guy with the key yet?
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I'm gonna cry!
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We love you guys!
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We love coming to Pittsburgh!
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Furries love Pittsburgh!
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Good! We love having you
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so keep coing back!
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I'll see you next year!
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WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!
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WAAH!
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WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
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AH!! AAAH!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!
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Ring ring!
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*brrreeeep* *brrreeeep*
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*squeak-squeak!*
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*SQUEAK!!*
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+squea-squeak!*
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*squeak squeakedy-squeaken squeep squeak squeaky squeak squeeaaak!*
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00:21:12,250 --> 00:21:15,570
*peep peep pipipeep squeak peep chirp peep!*
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Don't look at me!
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I'm sneaking around,
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I'm supposed to be incognito!
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That's so bright!
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Unlike me... who's an idiot!
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This is a stress-duck.
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People cause me too much stress!
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[audience yells]
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[audience yells "Alkali!"]
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Ladies and Gentlemen,
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opening for us tonight is
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Lord Pandez!
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This is a song I wrote...
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*sings* Arrived at the furcon,
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but I didn't plan ahead
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never booked a hotel room
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so I've got no bed!
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I'm looking for crash space
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I'll even take the floor,
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I'm hoping to pay cash but
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they'll probably ask for backdoor!
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Finally find this guy from
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a furmeet from last year,
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he's still one year underage so
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he'll take payment in beer!
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I've finally got a fursuit,
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gonna have so much fun!
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It's an exact Chinese copy
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of my favourite one.
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As I step into the conspace
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everyone stares in woe,
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oh come on, he's been dead since
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at least six months ago!
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As I'm walking through the lobbys,
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some people approach me!
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It's the hotel staff along with
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the convention security!
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We know about the booze that
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you bought for that young guy,
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You have broken the rules so
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it is time to say bye!
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As I'm packing up all my stuff
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I'm feeling so sad,
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Who'd have thought booze for minors
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could be so bad!
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I get into my car,
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and a smile comes to me....
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I cam do this all again in August
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at IFC!
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Kage happened to walk into the back of the room
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where we're performing....
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"Yes, hello fellow attendees,
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what's going... oh, they're performing!"
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And I could see his face drop
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little by little with each line of the song!
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and finally, with the line:
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"He died six months ago"
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his glass just went *whoosh*
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I swear he's a great soccer player though
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because his foot just went....
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...and we walked out!
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My mate, Xander the Blue...
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we've been living together now for
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I don't know, six centuries....
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I don't even understand how that works.
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And we're gay so we've been
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together for 6 or 7 years
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so in gay terms that's like 8 lifetimes with the same person.
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When Xander first moved in,
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we respected each other so much.
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"Oh, we're living with another person now
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we have to make sure everything is perfect!"
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The bed should be made every morning,
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we should all help with the dishes...
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I shouldn't annoy the shit out of Alkali every
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waking moment of my fucking life.
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That changed!
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But that wasn't him!
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It's his cat.
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He has a cat!
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I'm an animal person,
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I love all animals,
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I do love cats.
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I just dont think they belong in my house
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shitting on things.
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We feed the cat,
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we give the cat food, every
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day I wake up and there is food in the bowl
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and then every day,
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there's little chameleon-like
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because the shit is black and the carpet is black,
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and she only shits on the black carpet.
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There's food, and there's shit.
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She's a very interesting animal.
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She doesn't sound like a normal cat.
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She has a very particular sound,
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what does a cat sound like?
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[audience meows]
what does a cat sound like?
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[audience meows]
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Wanna hear what she sounds like?
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NAAAAHT!
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That's her face, too:
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NAAAHHHHHT!!
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NAAAAAAAAAAHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAATT!
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Haven't shat on your floor today
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NAAHHHHT FEED ME!!
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I'll piss over here.
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This cat...
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despises me....
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Oh, she does not like me.
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It's because I'm tall.
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And not Xander.
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She only likes Xander.
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Unless....
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he forgets to feed her before
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she goes to work
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before HE goes to work.... ooh!
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Oh that's a conversation when I get home...
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If he forgets to feed this animal...
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this animal...
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will grace me with its presence.
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The door to my bedroom no longer works
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because of an incident involving
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very rough sex.
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It wasn't us!
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I'd love to know who it was tho!
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Stop coming over to my house.
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You're so bald your head is blushing!
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Yes, this cat
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figured out that my door
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does not latch.
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Who has pets? Raise your hands.
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Oh, awesome!
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It's wonderful having them at home,
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I used to have a dog, a little
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red tailed beagle
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And if she missed me and the door was open,
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she'd poke her little dog nose in the door, pushing
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it slightly, and kinda squeezed
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in through the door...
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and then shitting on my bed
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but it's okay, she was adorable!
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This cat enters the door
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like your mom when she knows what you're doing.
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*blamm!*
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CAT HERE! NAAAHHHHT!!!
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I've never met an animal
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who could slam the door into
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the wall! WHY?!
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Animals for the most part should be
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smarter than us at times, they only
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need the little opening, she's like:
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"No, I will enter gracefully!"
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*poom* BAMM!
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Fuck that wall!
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Then she walks up to the bed!
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Cats, light on their feet!
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Nope!
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Knock this shit over!
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Oh, is that his clothes?
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My clothes now.
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Then she jumps up on the bed!
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I am 6ft8, do you know what that means?
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I do not fit on my fucking bed!
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My feet hang off!
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Se can see'em!
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They're off the side!
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Every morning,
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She walks up to the side of the
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bed, it only matters which way I'm
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facing. I can't sleep on my back,
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I can't sleep on my front, I only
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sleep on my sides. So whatever way I am
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facing, that is where she goes
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because she needs to look me in the
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face and say: "NAAAAAAHT!"
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And this is how I wake up!
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"NAAAAAAHHHHTTT!!"
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Feed me so I can shit on your carpet!
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I love you.
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Until you feed me.
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Then fuck you.
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I was done one morning,
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I had it, I'm not gonna put up with
224
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this little pussy, I will now...
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00:32:41,710 --> 00:32:44,110
No, that's not a joke, I just forgot
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other words for cat.
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Felines, thank you!
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That's the thing about this feline pussy,
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That time I just wanted to say pussy.
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I'm never coming back to the stage.
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Oh, Kage texted me.
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Uh oh....
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"You'll never be on this stage again."
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So as I lay on my back,
235
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eyes closed, in a battle of will
236
00:33:15,420 --> 00:33:17,420
against the cat,
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Cats win!
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Yeah, I know!
239
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That's where this is going,
240
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don't get ahead of me.
241
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As I'm laying there,
242
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she did something she never does.
243
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She put her paws right here.
244
00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:34,450
I know, like aaawwwww
245
00:33:34,450 --> 00:33:35,910
Wait a minute, I'm soft and fluffy,
246
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I may be her bed now.
247
00:33:39,250 --> 00:33:41,910
Then she put her backpaws here.
248
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And crawled up here.
249
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Alright!
250
00:33:46,710 --> 00:33:48,680
Two can play this game!
251
00:33:48,820 --> 00:33:50,650
I'm gonna snore!
252
00:34:05,050 --> 00:34:07,540
That cat shoved its paws
253
00:34:07,540 --> 00:34:09,540
into my throat!
254
00:34:10,140 --> 00:34:12,170
And she is not clipped.
255
00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:16,400
That was the best sore throat
256
00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:18,400
story I ever told at work and they all
257
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:20,020
assume it has something to do with
258
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me being gay.
259
00:34:23,340 --> 00:34:25,000
When I told them it had something to do with pussy
260
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they refused to believe me.
261
00:34:31,370 --> 00:34:33,250
I fed the cat that morning.
262
00:34:33,620 --> 00:34:35,850
Noone believes me but to this day
263
00:34:35,850 --> 00:34:38,340
I still say the last thing that she did
264
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before I laid down to go back to bed
265
00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:42,480
was look at the food,
266
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Now this part is 100% true.
267
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Looked down at her food,
268
00:34:47,020 --> 00:34:49,020
looked at me...
269
00:34:49,340 --> 00:34:52,940
and went into her own bed without touching that shit.
270
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That fucking cat.
271
00:35:00,650 --> 00:35:02,110
That fucking cat!
272
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Escalation.
273
00:36:12,650 --> 00:36:13,740
Whoooooooo!
274
00:36:13,740 --> 00:36:17,020
The party was awesooooome!
275
00:38:21,820 --> 00:38:23,310
Oh holy shit.
276
00:38:35,340 --> 00:38:36,000
Hello!
277
00:38:36,110 --> 00:38:37,540
Nice meeting you!
278
00:38:43,880 --> 00:38:44,940
Hello!
279
00:38:44,940 --> 00:38:47,740
Welcome to Anthrocon 2017!
280
00:38:47,740 --> 00:38:49,740
I'm your handy narrator Pandez!
281
00:38:49,740 --> 00:38:50,600
I look like a mess
282
00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:52,600
because I've been in suit for 4 hours!
283
00:38:52,970 --> 00:38:54,420
Hi!
284
00:39:03,510 --> 00:39:04,340
I didn't....
285
00:39:04,340 --> 00:39:06,340
I... [exhausted mumbling]
286
00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:08,170
How old am I?
287
00:39:08,170 --> 00:39:09,680
I was walking up the steps
288
00:39:09,680 --> 00:39:10,740
the last steps...
289
00:39:10,740 --> 00:39:12,740
[exhausted mumbling]
290
00:39:12,740 --> 00:39:14,740
... the steps...
291
00:39:15,250 --> 00:39:17,940
...looking for five...
292
00:39:17,940 --> 00:39:19,570
...going to 5D
293
00:39:19,600 --> 00:39:21,450
5... I got 5 D's...
294
00:39:21,450 --> 00:39:23,450
my pants fit me like a glove!
295
00:39:25,540 --> 00:39:28,570
*sings* Take these Pepsi wings!
296
00:39:28,570 --> 00:39:30,570
And learn to fly again!
297
00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:32,650
SPLAT!
298
00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:36,220
Taaaaaake these Pepsi Wiiiiiiiings!
299
00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:40,740
Can I have some of that weed?
300
00:40:45,060 --> 00:40:46,570
It's an air-guitar!
301
00:40:46,570 --> 00:40:48,570
Literally made out of air!
302
00:40:49,600 --> 00:40:51,420
Whoo, that's good!
303
00:40:51,420 --> 00:40:53,420
[Don't Worry, Be Happy plays]
304
00:40:57,600 --> 00:40:59,820
Be Happy!
305
00:41:01,420 --> 00:41:04,000
Whooo, ho ho hoohooo....
306
00:41:11,110 --> 00:41:13,200
Wah wahhhoooo!
307
00:41:13,860 --> 00:41:15,200
You are awooing!
308
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:16,970
I'm awooing? There's no fine here!
309
00:41:16,970 --> 00:41:18,130
That's over there!
310
00:41:18,130 --> 00:41:20,130
That's the thing, they don't enforce it!
311
00:43:50,710 --> 00:43:52,480
I am not a crook!
312
00:43:53,060 --> 00:43:54,650
Watergate was not my fault!
313
00:43:54,650 --> 00:43:56,000
I am not a crook!
314
00:43:56,000 --> 00:43:58,000
I was tied up by that cameraman!
315
00:43:58,650 --> 00:44:00,400
I am not a crook!
316
00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:06,950
Get out!
317
00:44:06,950 --> 00:44:07,320
No!
318
00:44:07,320 --> 00:44:08,950
You don't take care!
319
00:44:08,950 --> 00:44:10,950
I will tweet about that!
320
00:44:11,220 --> 00:44:12,900
Sad!
321
00:46:21,350 --> 00:46:23,220
How do? Greetings.
322
00:46:23,220 --> 00:46:24,820
Welcome to Sunday.
323
00:46:24,820 --> 00:46:26,820
We've achieved Sunday.
324
00:46:26,820 --> 00:46:28,820
We've had coffee, we're alive.
325
00:46:29,720 --> 00:46:31,570
Alive is good.
326
00:46:34,420 --> 00:46:36,320
Of course you'd find me here.
327
00:46:37,570 --> 00:46:39,900
I told ya I was over there, now I'm over here.
328
00:46:40,500 --> 00:46:42,220
Why?
329
00:46:42,970 --> 00:46:44,520
Good to see you.
330
00:50:04,850 --> 00:50:05,950
Remove the wrapper first,
331
00:50:05,950 --> 00:50:07,950
you can't digest that!
332
00:50:08,070 --> 00:50:10,970
Remove the wrapper first, you can't digest that!
333
00:50:40,300 --> 00:50:41,950
Film him!
334
00:50:43,400 --> 00:50:44,420
He's innocent!
335
00:50:44,420 --> 00:50:46,420
I'm an innocent wuff!
336
00:50:49,050 --> 00:50:51,450
I'm an innocent wuff.
337
00:50:55,050 --> 00:50:57,120
Totally free!
338
00:50:57,120 --> 00:50:59,120
That's the highlight of my day!
339
00:50:59,600 --> 00:51:01,200
Free candy for the win!
340
00:54:05,450 --> 00:54:06,520
Are you filming?
341
00:54:06,520 --> 00:54:08,520
Yes, I'm filming!
342
00:56:47,750 --> 00:56:49,200
Switch it back on!
343
00:56:49,570 --> 00:56:51,820
Yeah, the blinding light of doom!
344
00:56:52,220 --> 00:56:54,450
I have to find somewhere to put this!
345
00:56:55,300 --> 00:56:57,100
Need to find somewhere to put this on BBF.
346
00:56:57,520 --> 00:56:59,650
I have to kinda fondle him.
347
00:57:00,670 --> 00:57:02,370
Like this, see?
348
00:57:07,120 --> 00:57:08,970
After around 10 minutes
349
00:57:08,970 --> 00:57:10,970
there we go!
350
00:57:12,050 --> 00:57:14,150
Look, I've trapped fursuiters!
351
00:57:14,900 --> 00:57:17,000
Underneath that paws
352
00:57:17,000 --> 00:57:19,000
there's a Polaroid!
353
00:57:19,500 --> 00:57:22,000
The power of the camera!
354
00:57:26,450 --> 00:57:29,320
I love doing this, like going "hahaha!"