So...
how's it going,
Berlin?
Berlin this time, how are you doing?
I know it's a little late!
You guys all good tonight?
Great!
Ich bin ein Berliner, man!
The city is crazy!
I love this city tho,
Alector Fencer has been dragging me
through the city for the last few days
Going to see things and do stuff
and this is the biggest, baddest-ass
party town I think in the world!
It's Berlin right here!
People were getting drunk
and jumping off of buildings
just to see who could make
the craziest looking chalk outline when they'd hit!
For all your newcomers out there,
welcome to the fandom,
welcome, it's good to have you,
a few guidelines
for you to follow:
First of all,
If you're in an elevator,
or a stairwell,
and you begin to choke
on some kind of nauseaous gas,
don't panic:
it's not a terrorist attack!
That's just the way we like to
"man" up the place.
Mark our terrority!
When people walk in the door
we wanna smack them in the face
with our balls from ten meters away!
*whoomp!*
You know...
Number 2:
If a fursuiter approaches you and
and says,
"It's dangerous to go alone...!"
..he IS actually going to give you a sword.
Just not the kind you think he's going to.
My suggestion:
if he chases you,
is to run downstairs.
Fursuiters falling downstairs is
the most adorable death ever!
Number three:
If you are in a room party,
and you pass out,
or fall asleep,
you then become what us furries refer to
as a CWH:
a collection of warm holes.
You cannot get the full
full furry experience unless you
have done this at least once!
If you leave here at the end of the con,
without feeling like a train has
wrecked across all of your junk
then you did it wrong and you
don't get your furry license.
and finally:
if by the end of the weekend
you feel a little bit sick
or you have
a painful rash in a sensitive area
don't panic.
That's just God saying
that he's turned his back on you
and now you're going to hell with the rest of us.
Welcome to the furry fandom!
There was this girl on the news
she weighed 800 pounds,
that's 360 kilos.
That's how much she weighed.
She sat on her couch
for three yeas, in front
of her TV because she
couldn't get up!
And nobody could lift her.
When they came and they tried to
rescue her from the couch
that was the exact
words of the news article:
"Rescue her from the couch"
Like the couch was going:
"Fuck you, this bitch is mine!!"
"I want her ass on me,
I need the salt!"
When they came to rescue her
from the couch,
her skin had fused
with the fabric
of the couch.
And...
I'm sitting here, thinking
HOW?
How does this kind of thing....?
You don't hall asleep on a couch
one night weighing a normal weight and
then just over night you're *blllbrlllbrrrlll*
...wake up in the morning, "Oh no...."
There had to have been that
first day...
where you realized you can't get up
to go take a shit, right?
How do you just
brush that off?
Are you... you know...
okay.... *sigh*
...gnnnn.....
eeuuuugh....
hnnnng......
Ooohhh..... aaahhh......
Ooohhhh....
PIZZAAAAA!
I mean, how?!
And people are blaming the food?
They're blaming the food on this!
Oh it's the evil trans fats!
Trans fats?
The women's body was trying to
eat the couch!!
TRANS FATS??
You'd have to be eating
Trans Ams!!
So...
No no no no....
Hey, I gotta... I...
Let's bring in a solution!
Let's staple her stomach in half!
Here we go, problem solved!
Now, don't do that.
Don't go out and spend your life saving
$10000 for some jerkball to come in
andstaple your stomach in half.
The real question is:
Where was this women's friends?
Why didn't she get moral support?
Who were the people
who were supposed to give enough of a shit
about this woman to go up to her and
slap the pizza out of her hand and
give her a fucking carrot?
Where were they?
Don't do that!
If you've got a problem with
your weight and you want to eat less,
try one or two of Gordon Ramsey's recipes
and you'll never eat again in your life!
And then you'll be thin
and you can wander into the darkness
to say "Hey doc, screw you!
I did it all on my own!
I didn't need your capitalist's pigs stupid
fucking, money-grabbing
staple operation!"
and you can grab the stapler,
and you staple his nuts to a clipboard.
*brrrppppbbttttzzth*
Hi everyone!
First of all we want to appologize
for the delay, we had a couple of technical hiccups...
...it's all been sorted now.
There's no more buzz, yay!
Thank you all for being
so patient, this is the first time
we've actually ever tried something like this.
So it took a bit of a while to
figure it all out.
We reckon we can do a good show
so...
This is a song that's based on a character
that Tani DaReal owns,
she introduced me to it a short
while... a program called 'True Blood'
This is "Be Forever Mine"
[sings "Turn the page" by Metallica]
[sings: "It's My Life" by Bon Jovi]
I'm the chairman of this mess
and I'm so dead!
This is the toughest thing I've ever done!
You better enjoy yourselves
or I'm going to kick your ass, alright?
HAVE FUN ALREADY!!
Hi!
I'm dead!
Hör mal auf zu filmen und trink lieber! Stop filming, start drinking!
Ooooh, salute!
Aaaaahh! Salute!
I'm serious!
I can't feel my legs anymore!
Stop filming me!
Ich hab Jäger-O gesagt I said "Jäger-O"
nicht O-Jäger! not O-Jäger!
Jäger
O!
Ich brauch mehr O! I need more O!
I've got only one thing to say:
This party here...
is fucking, fucking awesome!
I can't do it!
Nooooooooooo.....!!!
Hallo! Hello!
Dürfen Sie das? Are you allowed to do this?
Ich werde Sie anzeigen! I'll take you to court!
Bitte unterlassen Sie das, please stop doing that,
das ist eine geschlossene Veranstaltung! This is a private event!
"Step away from the car!"
Hat keinen Motor aber naja! It has no engine but oh well!
Und jetzt die Merkel-Raute! And now the Merkel sign!
Kann ich nicht! Oh, I can't!
Das schneiden wir dann schön rein! We'll do that in post!
Been a long time...
How many cars can I destroy
in 10 minutes?
We can find out!
Yeah...
On the other hand,
I think my insurance wouldn't like me after that.
Yeah, that's a selfie...
[improvised music]
I've got blisters on my fingers!
Ich habe ein Bier I have a beer!
und ich mag dieses! and I like it!
Beer!
It's good for you. Drink it!
Always. All the time!
Drink beer!
You know you're in a really crazy
town when the most normal place
that you've been in Berlin
is a furry con.
The most normal, comfortable place,
it's like we can all walk outside
and go to work like this,
in Berlin it would be like pfff....
What, don't you guys party?
What's wrong with you guys? Get weird!
Berlin is like naked people!
And they're just
naked! It's like, why are you naked?
Because I am! Harblblarbl!
And they're running around being drunk and naked, like
And I'm looking towards the people that
like here and they're like, "It's Berlin."
And I'm like, "Shit!"
Finally we get here and it's like,
Whew!
Thank god for something normal!
Oh look, people in animal suits having sex!
That's cool!
I don't wanna go back out there again,
that's some crazy shit!
Perkele! (Finnish: Fuck!)
oooOOOOoooohhh....
boc, boc, boc, boc....
Hiiii!
Oh, it's wet and stuff now...
Very cute!
He's off duty now!
How was EF for you?
It's an amazing con
I wake up and it's already sunset
So... it was pretty successfull
Hat a lot of beer,
A lot of champagne,
Everyone's so happy,
it's so great, so definitely one of the best
I've had!