Rallicat, Gaz_A.... Fail!
but hello at Midwest Furfest 2013. I'm very tired,
and hungry.
Hello, how are you?
I can't actually say...
Go, get in suit! You see, this is not con mode!
This is con mode!
Hahahaha, welcome to Midwest Furfest
we're gonna have lots of fun, aren't we? Hahahaha
Why don't you see tigers playing poker in the jungle?
Ehhh, why?
Because there are too many cheetahs!
There can never be too many cheetahs! That's not possible.
One cheetah, two cheetah, but only one tiger. Too much!
Hi mom, hi dad!
You know? We both like boys!
And that's so cool!
OMG I'm way too drunk to be saying that!
Welcome to Fidwest Murfest thirty....twenteen...
Welcome to Midwest Furfest 2013!
Hey! Omg!
Did you do that? Awesome!
I've only just realized that Tristan's cheek symbol looks like a communist sickle
That is a communist sickle!
[HUMMS THE RUSSIAN ANTHEM]
I hope there's no Polish people around here.
No Germans around here!
There are no Germans allowed here!
Why would there be Germans in America?
Yea, that would be totally weird at all. Yes... All the Germans!
It's America! They are not allowed. How can they cross the border? They don't know even speak German, wait...
They speak German and don't speak English.
I don't speak German at all. No I can hear that! Why would you have an accent?
I'm not sure at all. Your English is like perfectly fine! Yea I know, right?
Suck it, bitch!
Yea baby! Friday night! Hahaha
So we're here at Midwest Furfest. It's Thursday morning
I don't know whats going on!
Where is the booze at? You had booze yet?
Smart man!
WOOO!
Beep!
Welcome to Anthrocon 2013!
You're failing miserably sir! What?
Welcome to MFF 2013!
Filming the cameraman. Haha!
I don't know what to say!
What should I say? Hi?
Hi!
Hi my name is Snuggle Bunny and I'm very gay
I speak very little German but I'm not good!
Do not google translate it. Do not google translate it!
It's not worth it!
[SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK]
OH MY GOD! Look at the majesty! I was blinded by the light!
Down!...Down!... Stay!.....Stay!....
Doin' it wrong!
You! Yes you! Yea! No, I'm coming after you! Hey!
Hey, I'm trying to talk to you! There, yes. St...stop!
I... don't...
Argh, you start to piss me off! Come here. COME HERE! Get back!
Everybody has to ask these questions to him! Ask him how tall he is!... No!
How tall are you? 6'10" You play basketball?
No! How big is your shoe size?
14! Do you sit down to change the light bulbs?
That is a good one actually!
Fetwist Merfust thirteen....twenty!
No...I will get this right eventually!
OMG IT HAS EYES!
No no no no..!
Hi BBF. I'm not interesting. Honestly.
No. Still not interesting.
Why don't you film him?
Ok... Hi!
Nope, still not interesting!
This is MFF!
Hi! I'm Zeke Hyena and I'm at MFF to destroy peoples hopes and dreams.
It's fun. You should try it. So if you see me coming towards ya, better turn and run.
Or, you know, you could come give me a hug too. I love hugs. But then just expect me to ruin your dreams afterwards.
This is the best con you possibly ever get to. I mean, you know why it is the best con? Why is that? Because I am here!
Very true! Very true!
The only reason why this con is the best con is 'cause, well, I'm here!
I just make everything better before I ruin it!
Just like you do with condition! That's right. I mean, sorry condition fans but RIP condition....
That's how it happens. RIP
I like to do that. I like to ruin the whole dream about furrys. It's fun!
Remember that guys. When you see me around prepare to have everything that you know will be destroyed.
That's right. If this tiny spec of air in my palm are your dreams and I put it on the ground like that, this is what's gonna happen
And then my sunglasses fall too!
That's...that represents your dreams, they're on the ground and they're just destroyed. That's what happens!
So this is why... remember kids, stay in school and eat your vegetables, otherwise I'll come around!
What are you doing?
Hi you fuzzbutts. Welcome to "how-not-to basic - MFF edition"
In this video, we're gonna be learning how not to be camera shy
Step 1: Make sure you're wearing a fursuit! Step 2: Have lots of coffee!
Step 3: Go as buck wild as you can!
WAAAHHHH
You know? You have a good time at a convention and, better yet,
you're not camera shy anymore! If these glasses
These glasses seem to run away from me all the time whenever I'm on camera!
I twerked so hard that my glasses broke in half.
Oh well, I mean they are only a thousand dollars right? But that's nothing!
When you are fabulous everything is priceless!
Wow he's so fabulous just 'cause of the glasses.
The glasses make everything more fabulous.
I got too much coffee today!
Well that's all you learn today folks in this special edition of How-not-to basics at Midwest Furfest 2013
Hope to see you next year here and, well... prepare to have all your dreams be crushed under my paws!
Nom! Nom!
Adorbs!
What they are is they are tiger stripes. There is a red tiger laying down right here.
He doesn't like when you step on him. Yea right!
I know that camera! The camera's got eyes!
Now which one do I look? Do I look here? There? There? You can look down too!
Oh my god!
We're having a threeway here! And this is only Thursday!
I'm in this space and already done. I got right through there.
Get ready, it's coming! LIKE A WRECKINGBALL!
Noo, the camera. And it's driving me mad! Hahaha! The camera is driving me mad...
...and I totally screwed up!
He's just drinking coke!
Drinking like a Hoss!
Hey! Vacation!
?? Why do you film me? Why not film this ?? gentlemen over here He has a nice hat! I don't.
WHY? There is nothing special about me! Leave me alone! [WHINES]
[SQUEAK]
Cheetah: ARGH. I'm going to die!
[CHORTLE CHIRP]
Will this nurse you for long enough my soul?
She doesn't... It's not even interested now. Not even interested. You back off!
Get away from me!
Too much cute! Too much! Ohhh no.
Hey! You should learn how to do lasers!
You should make pew pew sounds! [PEW PEW PEW]
Telephone, can you do a machine gun?
[PWWRWRWRWRWRWRW] Yay!
This is the best fursuit ever because it has an alarm!
Cause you can park the telephone somewhere and then...
there it is. But if you bump into the Telephone....
[BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP]
But the only way to stop this is, you have to have the remote!
But that is my hat! I picked out that hat!
Gay men are not the only ones to wear a hat!
This is the finest whiskey to come out of Scotland.
It's called Lagavulin. It's not for pussies, at all!
The funny thing is, I'm giving this to my Scottish friend...
He's never had it, even though he lives in Scotland.
I had to pay for it over here. This is a $20 glass booze!
Just for the record there is so many whiskeys in Scotland, it's impossible to know them all! But there is only one Lagavulin!
Take a gulp of it. Take a good gulp of it!
We have a problem. We have a huge problem!
You don't have autofocus on, damn you!
Oh crap! Why do you have this?
Where is your...? I told you we're qualified to use the damn camera! I am qualified to use the camera!
What's the problem? Nothin! It's broken!
Ich habe einen klein Problem! Ich habe kein Wein! [I have a small problem. I have no wine!]
Actually I'm wrong. The camera is focused. My eyes are just going bad! That's all it is!
Und 2 der Gryphon Rantische ist ein Altman! [And 2 the Grypon is an old man]
NEIN! Ja...ja.... [NO! Yes...yes...]
What's me this strange thing here?
Very weird. It has eyes!
Get is away. I've got...I have a pointy thing!
I keep the rum in me!
This thing? This is magical. Magical!
Only German witches, can wield... Witches? Witches! Witches you say? German Witches!
German witches! ...can wield this device!
I wonder when Kage's story hour is?
Let's check the pocket schedule for that!
Amazing!
I should find a fursuiter. OMG, they just hold it right here Hold it right here!
Put "Censored" on this side!
No no no, there is nothing there! We already had that at AC
Da ta ta ta ta!... Oh no! I'm having Vietnam flashbacks!
Hiii! You are back to look at my beautiful face again?
I may not have my fabulous glasses on but you can still look at this pretty face!
I mean who could resist a hyena anyways, hmm?
The worst ears ever! Poor rabbit!
Hey you!
*drunk mumbling*
Don't film this you bastard! God damnit I'm drunk!
You really are!
I'd buy that for a dollar!
Allright, just in case you weren't clued in by the thousands of fake animal people in the lobby right now
if here you are here for Midwest Furfest 2013... you are probably in the right place!
My name is Perro, I'm the Chairman of Midwest Furfest. This is my second year,
the leaders that have decided that I would be a good con chair obviously didn't get the memo from the first year,
but somehow they let me do it again, and...
it's, you know, I will say it from a personal standpoint, It's been an absolute pleasure,
helping sail this ship. I made a pirate reference. Did you see that? Yarr!
Allright, so we have some guest of honor. And they are the best guest of honor.
Our number one first is Chibi-Marrow
You wanna stand up and say hello Chibi?
We have the... oh! Another guest...
The fursuit maker "Silver Huskywolf"
from FurrHappens.com
And we have Sonderjen, Hello! You sold a soda machine last year with all the artwork!
All three of these guys have really worked hard, have brought us lots of artwork for our conbook and other things
and I can't say thanks enough to them all, they did such a good job!
You actually not get to talk. You know? I get to talk. I just sit there and look pretty!
I will get them soda and coffee. So guys...
You want a whine? Aww, we don't have adult beverages on this stage! [WINK WINK]
What? No come back, please!
?? Beverages depot, right now!
Reggie brewing beer underneath the stage right now. There is a thing down back. We're fine!
So, guys, new people, welcome! Seasoned veterans, welcome!
Again, our job here is making sure you guys are having a great time so
if you see anything, have any problems, come to anybody with a radio
feel free to come to me. Feel free to give me money. I love it!
Give the money to the charity! Or give it to the charity cause...
that dog looks much better... Perro is not a charity! So, guys, thank you very much and, you know,
have a great time! Thank you!
[CHORTLES]
[BARK BARK BARK] Who are you? What's your name? Animal!
Animal! Allright! A shedding hazard. Uhuh. Excellent!
Hi! Hi! How's it going? Good! Good.
Having fun? Yes! Ok!
This be a photo or video magic device thing!
Surrender your hugs!
It's one of my favourite conventions because
it's very well run, I love the people here, and I don't have to run it!
Not my fault, not my problem, not my con!
So, what are you planning to do besides Uncle Kage's Story Hour?
I'm gonna eat some spam! Made by Hormel corporation! Is that full of email or what?
It is. You open up and email comes out!
Nom nom nom nom!
?? You must be some kind of... ?
Are those your teeth? Stop it!
We are not standing here! You did not get the standing. We where moving.
Ok, get it out of your system. You wanna hear a national song? Let's hear the Scottish national anthem!
Isn't that a drinking song? Oh, ok!
You know, people say "Uncle Kage speaks a lot of languages here, doesn't he?"
Uh, no! I just fake it!
I can get by in Germany. These guys are very kind, my German actually sucks!
They can not understand a word I say. They just smile and nod.
I have learned, anywhere you travel in the world,
if you are an American, there is one phrase you should learn! Some of you may have heard this already:
[CLEARS THROAT] but it will come in handy!
You need to learn the equivalent phrase, in that country, of:
"I am a stupid American and do not speak your language!"
It will get you anywhere. For example: France
If I go to France I will tell people:
"Ich bin ein dummer Amerikaner und ich spreche kein Deutsch"
If I wanna go to France I will say:
"Je suis un barbaire Américain et je ne parle pas français"
If I go to the Check republic, it's:
"Jsem hloupý Američan a nemluví česky!"
If I go to Japan it's:
?? "Watashi wa baka Amerika hitoda to nihongo o hanasu koto wa arimasen!"
If I go to Australia it's: "I'm a Yank. Fuck it!"
I have many reasons for not liking technology, especially this modern technology you kids are always playing with!
Not the last of which It's when It's done to my poor, innocent, white haired, old mother.
How many people here have ever met my mom?
Mhm. Does she look like a innocent, frail, white haired little old lady to you?
She looks it, doesn't she?
The Germans, as I mentioned before being fine fellows my parents always go to Eurofurence.
they thought it would be a good idea, because my parents are a certain age
And they are starting to have some trouble with mobility
They thought it would be a good idea to rent some motorized scooters for them
Motorized scooters made by Mercedes Benz
with very high powered motors in them
Either not realizing or conveniently forgetting that
my mother used to be a member of, shall we say,
an association of motorcycle enthusiasts in the 1950s.
The dragon ate 2!!
Spit him out, spit him out! We need him up here!
Okay, George Carlin pointed this out:
Why is it that we talk about taking a shit? Okay, George Carlin pointed this out:
Why is it that we talk about taking a shit?
You don't take a shit, you leave 'em!
It just doesn't sound right.
God bless George Carlin: "I left a shit, Bill!"
Where'd you leave it this time?
I betcha the kids won't find it till Easter!
That was brilliance, Ladies and Gentlemen, that was comedic genius!
When I was still living in Pennsylvania, every
Thursday without fail, I'd go to my parent's house to have dinner. When I was still living in Pennsylvania, every
Thursday without fail, I'd go to my parent's house to have dinner.
And for years
the dinner would be cooking and it would smell wonderful
My mom would be in the kitchen
and she'd be cooking dinner.
Then she discovered Farmville!
And things changed in our family.
I would get to the house....
...and there would be no pots cooking...
...the pots would be cold and empty...
...I would run in to the dining room
where my mother had her little laptop set up
and I would say "Mom, where the hell is my dinner?"
and she would say "Not now, my cows are at 28%!"
"Yeah, but you son's at 0%!"
She would pick up
her version of this and she would dial the Chinese take-out service.
Two the ranting gryphon will be joining us. Actually he won't be joining us. We'll be down there drinking and he'll be up here without a drink!
I better have something to drink! We gotta go. He's back!
Ladies and Gentlemen! -2- the Ranting Gryphon! The man you were waiting to see!
Fox Amoore, thank you very much for joining in tonight!
Uncle Kage, how's it going?
I found myself in this elevator, just packed
with the most adorable shit that ever fell off the crazy truck!
Cute, wide eyed smiling puppies and...
an adorable little bird, and this little racoon, and a...
completely naked guy
And, I was looking over all this cute stuff and there she was, in the back of the elevator.
Trying desperately to absorb into the fabric of the elevator and disappear.
And, she saw my batch. I had a dealer badge.
And she leaned over and said:
"It says you are a dealer!", I said: "Yea"
She said: "Are you a drug dealer?"
Mine! Mine mine mine mine!
Now, what I should have said...
was, no no no, I'm a dealer here at this convention,
you know, that would have been the nice thing to do. I'm just a comedic. I sell DVD's and my work.
That's what I should have said. That would have been the nice thing to do.
Instead, I reached into my pocket.\Pulled up a bag of blue pills and said:
"They make the animals go away!"
They are wandering through a hotel of their own ghosts. They should be scared a little bit.
But you know? Scared is not good enough. Scared is not good enough for me!
I want to see some therapy bills.
We can do this folks. We can make the therapy bills happen!
We can... Ok, theoretically. What if...? I've seen these twin fursuiters.
Every now and then you see twins. Sometimes you see triplets but we have to do this with twins.
What if we took a couple of those twin fursuiters, and put them in the hotel, at the end of a hallway together
In the middle of a bunch of hacked up bodies
going "Come play with us human!"
"Forever!"
"And ever!"
Tching! Therapy!
What if... this may take a lot of work. What if we build a group of bunny fursuits...?
with no skin!
Huge eyes, big dick, no skin. And whenever somebody walks through the hotel with a fur coat on,
We can send them over with a little sign that says:
"We're cold!"
Tching! Therapy!
What if we been down to the restaurant, and got a big steak, big ass juicy steak,
and had a cow fursuit give birth to it, right in the lobby!
Right in front the... "Mooo Mooo". Boom!
And all the other fursuits could go: "STILLBIRTH" And jump on it and start ripping it apart.
Tching! Therapy!
[BURPS] Real show now.
Toast farts!
Around every... 10 seconds
every day, and...
one night we had eaten some homemade chili and he went to bed. He was asleep before I was.
And he sleeps....
He sleeps like other people mush!
I swear to god, he beats me the shit in my sleep, so...
I wanna get some revenge here
I go to sleep, he's already in bed.
And, I lay down and, you ever like, you know, moving around and then you switch positions like you lay down, and then you feel...
the fart go: "Hello!" and "Oh, it's right there!"
So I'm like: "Ok, I don't wanna wake him up so...
[PFFRRRT]
Toast?
Nrrggghhh
So I'm like "Ok, let's... ohh... Hello!, ok"
[PFFFFRRRRRRT]
Toast: Nrrrgghhhghh
Ok, It's over. So I roll over.
HELLLOOOO!!
Ok....
[PFFFFFRRRRRRRRRTTTTT]
And Toast, in his half sleep-dazed mind
That can only scramble from whatever basic words were in hid instinct, went:
"Unggggh...brown!...gnnnnn"
Now...
Since that day
We have called this brown!
We'll be wandering around and I be like:
Did you brown? I browned!
This was was a bad habit to get into
I believe it was last year at FWA
Ran into some acquaintances of mine and they
they introduced me to this friend of them.
Large black man.
Very friendly, very kind.
He was so big and so black I wanted to call him evening.
And, we talk and we're hanging out and he's shaking my hand
and stuff like that. I swear, one of my friends over here let one go. I was like:
I'm shaking his hand and I look up to him and said:
You brown?
Staring up at him in complete earnestness.
Until the look on his face made me go:
"Oh shit!"
Why did I...? I had no excuse. I had to tell him the whole story.
And he promised not to kill me...
as long as I told it on stage.
Stop filming me! No, it's awesome, keep going!
Hi! Stop touching me! No you like it!
Look how tall this guy is!
Massive. I'm too short!
Just that guy from Germany. Again.
I thought we put up the god damn portal guard
Is this a video or a camera?
This is a different lighting. I will blame it!
Ohhh! Can you stand on your hand?
I can even stand on one finger
It's like a cold fusion lamp!
I lost my hat. It's up in the room.
I didn't loose my head. That'll come later tonight
because I'm gonna have a blast here at Midwest Furfest 2013!
It's only Friday night. Just like a gazillion people here if not more this con is getting huge, huge.
So hey, here with Cowboy Bob. I'm here with my friend Flow
We're gonna go have a little bit or bite to eat and then it's back to the action. Yea!
Action! Why no flu? Hiiiii!
This is epic "Meow meow meow meow meow!"
Meow meow meow meow meow!
What, I ought to be entertaining?
You are asking so much. You are asking so much I can only provide so little.
Ok...ok bye! I...
Not only am I like, the center of the rave...
All you have to to is hanging me upside down spinning me around an I am the party.
I'm going to have so much sex with racoons tonight, it's not even funny! Look at this!
This is a raccoon magnet right here. I'm going for the raccoons.
[WHISTLES]