Once again, right through the shot!
This is how they work:
The fuel pump pumps the fuel right
under the bonnet, onto a
huge water wheel which moves the car.
I drive a Jeep.
We have a car!
Is this collie neutered?
I hope not!
We don't want unwanted collies around here!
[mumbling intensifies]
Who knows where these paws have been!
*BURRRP!!!*
*laughs*
That timing!
Ewwww!
Sorry, you've got a little bit on you there!
Did you make a video?
Did you make...
a video?
You bastard, stop it!
Hello!
Hello. Have a beer!
What can you do with beer that's amazing?
You can stick your tongue in it.
You can pour it all over your nipples.
You can pour it all over...
HER nipples!
*BUUUURRRRRRRPPP!!!!!!*
Pardon me!
We belch to make room for more beer.
Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi!
Garnet!
You're getting filmed!
Garnet! Garnet! Garnet! Garnet! Garnet!
Garnet! Garnet! Garnet! Garnet!
She's drawing me! Come on!
Stop it!
Garnet! Garnet!
She's fucking recording my own
camera on me!
Oh my god, he's sweaty!
Help me out! Oooh!
Don't make me spill my drink!
I love Jay Naylor!
What??
Poor....
I did nothing!
Poor cat!
Miiiine!
This is mine!
No it's not!
Mine!
My tail! Mine!
Look at this, we have the skull...
we understand it speaks english somewhat...
Look at these pads, look at that shit...
And, just to show you there's no...
worry about extra rats!
No extra rats!
Having time travelled back to...
the Eighties...
we find ourselves unable to
cope with the German drinking
routine...
it's a big fucking thing,
I'll tell you!
Ugh...
Good morning everyone,
we're now on our way
to the airport, to retrieve
a very special guest.
Guten Morgen, Deutschland!
How do you do?
I'm Uncle Kage and we are in
Berlin, at Eurofurence.
This is the greatest furry convention
in the world, we are about to begin
Opening Ceremonies, which
true to the legendary German
efficiency are going to
begin at the precise hour
of 5 pm.
I'd like to introduce
Mr. Fox Amoore, who is
an amazing celebrity person, and
this is just for the cameraman to see, how
pissed off he gets trying to white balance us.
Hello, yes?
This is the pre....
pre opening...
... behind the scenes...
Nuuuuh!
Look at this Nightfox,
always looking nice!
[Announcer] Hello and welcome
to the Opening Ceremonies of
Eurofurence 1986.
And we'll now present to you
the best of the best of our department
directors. Tonight's
first victim has more hair
in his lungs than most have on
their body. It's the head of
the fursuit support team,
Mystifur!
Next up
comes the man who knows everything
about furries that you never wanted
to know. Please welcome
the head of security,
Dhary!
Nothing at this con would
work without him, and rumours say
that he is a reincarnated Swiss
army knife. The head of
ConOps: Darkwing!
And for the first time entering
the stage with his own theme music
please welcome our artshow director
Cairyn!
Do you need to be an
animal to be a furry? No!
Here comes the only
anthropomorphic color in the fandom:
Our charity liasion
Pinky!
The next person
a round of applause for our dealers den
director: Alpha Ki!
Next up
is the man known for his two
lifetime achievements: drinking
beer in Cologne and being our
director of registration;
Loewi!
His biggest point in life
came when he fell into a cauldron
of motor oil.
His brain is a four stroke engine
and his heart runs on ten cylinders:
Ladies and Gentlemen,
our vice chairman:
Nightfox!
And now. last
but not least, the person who
always wanted to get announced by a tape
recording of his own voice: The
chairman of Eurofurence:
Cheetah!
Yes, hello and
welcome everybody to
Eurofurence 22
or Eurofurence 1986!
I hope you're already having a good time
Like every year we have
a wonderful guest of honor
and this year I'd like
to present to you Miss
Dorothy Hearst! Can you come up please?
She's an author and writer
and she writes about how
dogs became wolves...
or the other way... oh.
Yes, I'm just a little bit
nervous right now, sorry!
I hadn't heard of furries before
I wrote the book, but as soon as the first
book came out people started getting in
touch with me and I was so
touched and warmed by the community
I've been killed several times
for speaking too long so I'll keep it short.
Thank you!
Fursuit lounge is open right next to the...
big dance hall for all the fursuiters
Last year many of you told me
Oh, thee fursuit lounge is smaller this year
turns out they just have been in the
mini lounge in the lobby. We have a hall
as large as this one right next door for the
fursuiters.
Hello. First of all
sorry for looking like a hobo, I spent the last
hours in the ceiling.
The wonderful decoration
that Jason Blake designed and that I
hung up tonight is a little bit
sensitive so my first word of
advoce to you and a friendly request
please don't
damage our decoration
you know who you are.
Same goes for the lift:
Like every year I need to advise you
that our lifts are sensitive equipment
abd they need to be handled by
adults. Treat them nicely
and they will treat you nicely.
And the last thing before
I continue the stick,
please, if you are on your first
convention let me
suggest to attend the first furry con panel
run by our wonderful guest Kage.
He and myself, and let me
explain what not to do.
Oh yeah, and 6 2 1.
And we saved the best for last:
Loewi, registration!
I wasn't supposed to be the last, was I?
I looked up on the wrong list.
Okay, I don't have
that much to say as always:
Last year we had
an attendance of
2220 attendees...
As of today we have
an incredible number of
2643.
Alright...
what do we have, does anybody else
some expired chocolate?
One question to ask a taur:
How do they go to the toilet,
how do they shower,
what happens when they go lame on a leg,
what convention they use?
Do you eat horse food or...
Go away!
What's best about a con is when you are
that buzzy little drunk
and you have this cute fuzzy
It's not scratching me so it must be good!
Not yet!
Damn, I need to boot!
I developed an allergy to cameras.
That started the day before yesterday,
when someone pointed one of those giant cams
at me, and
now I have a scratch in my throat when
that red light.... there it is again!
Yes, that's better.
*coughs* Damn!
From 11pm, we'll film back!
You're all stupid!
Guess what this is?
Fox!
*growls*
Fox fox fox fox....
Fox!
*whines!*
Fox!
*whiiines!*
A year ago,
I was invited to be a guest.
At, of all things, an anime convention.
You all understand, anime, that's the Japanese
animation fandom, that's not at all
furry. They said
"Would you come to our convention?"
And I said "Really?
You want me to go as a guest?"
They said "Yes, because
we've never had a furry guest. We want
you to be our furry guest."
I said "Okay, sure!"
Now, I'm in the business,
I understand how these things work.
You have:
THE GUESTS.
And then, you know,
the guests.
We call it the A-List
and the B-List.
I knew that in anime fandom, I'm not a
A-list guest because they had these
luminary voice actors
people who are "Oh, we do the
you know, what's this...
Naturo and all, we do the voices for that".
And then we have this fat old yank
who drinks.
[Fox plays 'Star Sprangled Banner']
Fox: Works every time.
Shut up you...
It's like a reflex, you can't stop.
So,
I went to their web page
and this was really
driven home, because when you
went to the web page on the front page it said:
"Amazing Voice Actor #1
and Amazing Voice Actor #2
are our guests", that's all it said.
If you went to the guest page it was
"Voice Actor #1, amazing
Voice Actor #2",
and if you scrolled down to the bottom
"Oh, and some drunken old yank who drinks."
Under the fold.
But that's alright,
I understand.
You have to fight it...
[Fox plays 'Star Sprangled Banner' again]
They told me it's in Sunderland, England.
And I looked up Sunderland. it's
on the East coast of England
and it's all the way up North, it's almost
Scotland. As a matter of fact it would have been Scotland
but there's some history going on there.
and it's on the beach. I said:
"Oh boy, I get to go to a con
on the beach in June!"
I packed my sun tan oil,
and my coconut oil and my
beach umbrella and my flip
flops and my speedos and I was all
ready. And
I arrived, and I was picked
up
by one of their senior staff members.
And I immediately
felt sympathy for the
boy, because I
saw the look in his eye.
This one.
He got up from the chair and looked like this.
Like the walking dead.
And he took my bags
and as we were walking away he said a strange thing.
He said:
"You're in luck!
One of the guests has cancelled,
you're not going to have to sleep with the staff."
I said "Excuse me?"
And he got the look on his face
you've probably seen the look.
it said "Oh my god, did I say that out loud?"
And he said "*incomprehensible mumbling*"
"We'll take you to the hotel now, that's what we'll do."
Okay....
So he drove me to the hotel.
And he gave me a lovely
nice hotel room which apparently was
destined for one of the great guests
but since he cancelled they just
had me.
So I got the room.
He left and I immediately unpacked
my beach towel and my
umbrella and flip flops and speedos,
and I ran outside and went on
to the beach and said:
"Wow."
"Beaches in England are nothing like California."
We don't have as many ice bergs.
And I've never seen a Viking longboat
in California.
So I went back inside before I got frostbite
And I, you know,
I left the speedo on because I kinda like that
but I put my regular clothes on.
And I went to the con site.
As Euroforence used to do, you had
the hotel here, the con site, you had to
go a bit of a distance.
So I walked to the con site
and I'm looking around and I found my
friend who picked me up, and said,
"Okay, what do you need me to do?"
And he looked at me and said:
"Everything."
Uhm...
I... I don't follow, what do you mean?
"We had one guest here for
Friday / Saturday, (it was Friday),
and we had the second guest coming tomorrow,
Saturday and Sunday.
With the other guest cancelled,
You're all we have!"
And I said "Oh!
How sweet that I'm here to help
you in a moment of desperation.
What do you need me to do?" He said:
"Whatever you do!"
I said:
"I got you covered."
I said: "Make with the glass."
And he did.
They put me on a big stage like this,
and they had this huge room this size
the eight furries at the convention were
sitting in the front row
So I just started
doing what I do:
I started putting this in my face
and had noise come out.
Within an hour the room was
full, I think I did soemthing right.
I had a good time.
And the con folks seemed to like me.
Next day, Saturday,
dawn bright and clear,
I got up and went to the con site
and the exact same staff member
met me with a look on his face like this:
and I said, "Uh oh..."
"What happened?"
He said:
"The other guest cancelled."
"You're it!"
I said: "So I'm
The Guest?"
He said: "Yeah!"
I said:
"You know what to do boy!"
"I got it covered!"
I think I must have done something right
Because when I went home
on Monday,
I felt very good.
And on Wednesday I had an invitation to
come back next year and this time, I was on
the front page!
Welcome to the first
dance ever called
"Paws on Fire" on Eurofurence!
[people sing 'American Pie']
It's like having Pepper Coyote with his hat!
Them and their scooters.
Okay, here it comes:
[people sing the 'Imperial March']