Just as a note:
During the parade there will be a
$350 fine for that.
[crowd awooos]
Don't watch me, watch them,
They're pretty!
I'm doing both!
Legalize awoo or I'll bite!
No awoo!
Awoo! Awoo!
Thank you BBF! Bye!
Hii! - Hello!
Wow, that's heavy, you can have that back!
Ladies and Gentlemen, this has been
the Anthrocon 2017 fursuit parade,
we do this for the city of Pittsburgh because
you guys have been so great to us!
This is one way of sharing with you
We gonna get together in a Meet'n Greet inside
the convention center behind those
grey doors! Did we find the guy with the key yet?
I'm gonna cry!
We love you guys!
We love coming to Pittsburgh!
Furries love Pittsburgh!
Good! We love having you
so keep coing back!
I'll see you next year!
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!
WAAH!
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
AH!! AAAH!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!
Ring ring!
*brrreeeep* *brrreeeep*
*squeak-squeak!*
*SQUEAK!!*
+squea-squeak!*
*squeak squeakedy-squeaken squeep squeak squeaky squeak squeeaaak!*
*peep peep pipipeep squeak peep chirp peep!*
Don't look at me!
I'm sneaking around,
I'm supposed to be incognito!
That's so bright!
Unlike me... who's an idiot!
This is a stress-duck.
People cause me too much stress!
[audience yells]
[audience yells "Alkali!"]
Ladies and Gentlemen,
opening for us tonight is
Lord Pandez!
This is a song I wrote...
*sings* Arrived at the furcon,
but I didn't plan ahead
never booked a hotel room
so I've got no bed!
I'm looking for crash space
I'll even take the floor,
I'm hoping to pay cash but
they'll probably ask for backdoor!
Finally find this guy from
a furmeet from last year,
he's still one year underage so
he'll take payment in beer!
I've finally got a fursuit,
gonna have so much fun!
It's an exact Chinese copy
of my favourite one.
As I step into the conspace
everyone stares in woe,
oh come on, he's been dead since
at least six months ago!
As I'm walking through the lobbys,
some people approach me!
It's the hotel staff along with
the convention security!
We know about the booze that
you bought for that young guy,
You have broken the rules so
it is time to say bye!
As I'm packing up all my stuff
I'm feeling so sad,
Who'd have thought booze for minors
could be so bad!
I get into my car,
and a smile comes to me....
I cam do this all again in August
at IFC!
Kage happened to walk into the back of the room
where we're performing....
"Yes, hello fellow attendees,
what's going... oh, they're performing!"
And I could see his face drop
little by little with each line of the song!
and finally, with the line:
"He died six months ago"
his glass just went *whoosh*
I swear he's a great soccer player though
because his foot just went....
...and we walked out!
My mate, Xander the Blue...
we've been living together now for
I don't know, six centuries....
I don't even understand how that works.
And we're gay so we've been
together for 6 or 7 years
so in gay terms that's like 8 lifetimes with the same person.
When Xander first moved in,
we respected each other so much.
"Oh, we're living with another person now
we have to make sure everything is perfect!"
The bed should be made every morning,
we should all help with the dishes...
I shouldn't annoy the shit out of Alkali every
waking moment of my fucking life.
That changed!
But that wasn't him!
It's his cat.
He has a cat!
I'm an animal person,
I love all animals,
I do love cats.
I just dont think they belong in my house
shitting on things.
We feed the cat,
we give the cat food, every
day I wake up and there is food in the bowl
and then every day,
there's little chameleon-like
because the shit is black and the carpet is black,
and she only shits on the black carpet.
There's food, and there's shit.
She's a very interesting animal.
She doesn't sound like a normal cat.
She has a very particular sound,
what does a cat sound like?
[audience meows] what does a cat sound like?
[audience meows]
Wanna hear what she sounds like?
NAAAAHT!
That's her face, too:
NAAAHHHHHT!!
NAAAAAAAAAAHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAATT!
Haven't shat on your floor today
NAAHHHHT FEED ME!!
I'll piss over here.
This cat...
despises me....
Oh, she does not like me.
It's because I'm tall.
And not Xander.
She only likes Xander.
Unless....
he forgets to feed her before
she goes to work
before HE goes to work.... ooh!
Oh that's a conversation when I get home...
If he forgets to feed this animal...
this animal...
will grace me with its presence.
The door to my bedroom no longer works
because of an incident involving
very rough sex.
It wasn't us!
I'd love to know who it was tho!
Stop coming over to my house.
You're so bald your head is blushing!
Yes, this cat
figured out that my door
does not latch.
Who has pets? Raise your hands.
Oh, awesome!
It's wonderful having them at home,
I used to have a dog, a little
red tailed beagle
And if she missed me and the door was open,
she'd poke her little dog nose in the door, pushing
it slightly, and kinda squeezed
in through the door...
and then shitting on my bed
but it's okay, she was adorable!
This cat enters the door
like your mom when she knows what you're doing.
*blamm!*
CAT HERE! NAAAHHHHT!!!
I've never met an animal
who could slam the door into
the wall! WHY?!
Animals for the most part should be
smarter than us at times, they only
need the little opening, she's like:
"No, I will enter gracefully!"
*poom* BAMM!
Fuck that wall!
Then she walks up to the bed!
Cats, light on their feet!
Nope!
Knock this shit over!
Oh, is that his clothes?
My clothes now.
Then she jumps up on the bed!
I am 6ft8, do you know what that means?
I do not fit on my fucking bed!
My feet hang off!
Se can see'em!
They're off the side!
Every morning,
She walks up to the side of the
bed, it only matters which way I'm
facing. I can't sleep on my back,
I can't sleep on my front, I only
sleep on my sides. So whatever way I am
facing, that is where she goes
because she needs to look me in the
face and say: "NAAAAAAHT!"
And this is how I wake up!
"NAAAAAAHHHHTTT!!"
Feed me so I can shit on your carpet!
I love you.
Until you feed me.
Then fuck you.
I was done one morning,
I had it, I'm not gonna put up with
this little pussy, I will now...
No, that's not a joke, I just forgot
other words for cat.
Felines, thank you!
That's the thing about this feline pussy,
That time I just wanted to say pussy.
I'm never coming back to the stage.
Oh, Kage texted me.
Uh oh....
"You'll never be on this stage again."
So as I lay on my back,
eyes closed, in a battle of will
against the cat,
Cats win!
Yeah, I know!
That's where this is going,
don't get ahead of me.
As I'm laying there,
she did something she never does.
She put her paws right here.
I know, like aaawwwww
Wait a minute, I'm soft and fluffy,
I may be her bed now.
Then she put her backpaws here.
And crawled up here.
Alright!
Two can play this game!
I'm gonna snore!
That cat shoved its paws
into my throat!
And she is not clipped.
That was the best sore throat
story I ever told at work and they all
assume it has something to do with
me being gay.
When I told them it had something to do with pussy
they refused to believe me.
I fed the cat that morning.
Noone believes me but to this day
I still say the last thing that she did
before I laid down to go back to bed
was look at the food,
Now this part is 100% true.
Looked down at her food,
looked at me...
and went into her own bed without touching that shit.
That fucking cat.
That fucking cat!
Escalation.
Whoooooooo!
The party was awesooooome!
Oh holy shit.
Hello!
Nice meeting you!
Hello!
Welcome to Anthrocon 2017!
I'm your handy narrator Pandez!
I look like a mess
because I've been in suit for 4 hours!
Hi!
I didn't....
I... [exhausted mumbling]
How old am I?
I was walking up the steps
the last steps...
[exhausted mumbling]
... the steps...
...looking for five...
...going to 5D
5... I got 5 D's...
my pants fit me like a glove!
*sings* Take these Pepsi wings!
And learn to fly again!
SPLAT!
Taaaaaake these Pepsi Wiiiiiiiings!
Can I have some of that weed?
It's an air-guitar!
Literally made out of air!
Whoo, that's good!
[Don't Worry, Be Happy plays]
Be Happy!
Whooo, ho ho hoohooo....
Wah wahhhoooo!
You are awooing!
I'm awooing? There's no fine here!
That's over there!
That's the thing, they don't enforce it!
I am not a crook!
Watergate was not my fault!
I am not a crook!
I was tied up by that cameraman!
I am not a crook!
Get out!
No!
You don't take care!
I will tweet about that!
Sad!
How do? Greetings.
Welcome to Sunday.
We've achieved Sunday.
We've had coffee, we're alive.
Alive is good.
Of course you'd find me here.
I told ya I was over there, now I'm over here.
Why?
Good to see you.
Remove the wrapper first,
you can't digest that!
Remove the wrapper first, you can't digest that!
Film him!
He's innocent!
I'm an innocent wuff!
I'm an innocent wuff.
Totally free!
That's the highlight of my day!
Free candy for the win!
Are you filming?
Yes, I'm filming!
Switch it back on!
Yeah, the blinding light of doom!
I have to find somewhere to put this!
Need to find somewhere to put this on BBF.
I have to kinda fondle him.
Like this, see?
After around 10 minutes
there we go!
Look, I've trapped fursuiters!
Underneath that paws
there's a Polaroid!
The power of the camera!
I love doing this, like going "hahaha!"