General directions:

- all directions are to be considered from the audience's point of view

Prefix legend:

! = Important notes, prop info
$ = Sound effects
# = Music
O = Lights
* = Actions of the puppets or actors
= = A double dash line indicates a new scene.

The Cast:

Jaryic         - Lionel Scritchie
Eisfuchs       - Lori, Guy 1
Fairlight      - Poke
Lynard         - Keeper o.t. Monolith, various Background singers, Labrador, 21st Century Fox, Guy 2
Chairo         - Raccoon, various Background singers
Chama          - The Monk
Reesa          - Maiden
Lisanne        - Witch 1
Helen          - Witch 2 (unplanned appearance)
Thalian        - Captain of the Guard
Kai Silvermane - PG Lecturer, Alchemist
Lizard         - Guitar Player 1
Fjordwolf      - Guitar Player 2, 21st Century Fox Mech Suit
Unknown        - Guards

Character Summaries:

Lionel Scritchie:     Male Lion Puppet, leader of the dormitory and generally the voice of sanity.
Poke:                 Male Ferret Puppet, always hyperactive, speaking before thinking (if he ever does think) and stuttering.
Lori:                 Female Fox Puppet, a whining, depressive and always lamenting character.
Rascal:               Male Raccoon Puppet, wants his skit to be in the show desperately, oblivious of any bad feelings against it.
The Monk:             Male human monk, wears a dark robe.
PG lecturer:          Male human scientist, seems always a bit crazy and talks with a fast and shrill voice. Same character as the alchemist in "Magic Maniac".
Witch 1:              Female human witch, trying to speak as it is expected for witches but constantly failing her accent. She speaks in a slow, graceful but cackling voice.
Maiden:               Female human maiden, acting very quiet and is easily impressed.
Captain:              Male guard, afraid of dark magic and strong in his orders.
Alchemist:            See PG lecturer.
Keeper o.t. Monolith: Male Camel Puppet, Watcher over the miraculous monolith, speaks in fancy sentences.

(I think we should add more text from the narrator)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Part 01:
- Boring Summer Nights
- The Raccoon Song
- The Idea
- Time Warp
- The Monk
- The Awakening
- Bitches and Witches

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

*** Boring Summer Nights

Puppets: Lionel Scritchie, Poke, Rascal
People:  Two guitar players
Props:   Lever, flower pot with inflatable tulips, two guitars
Music:   "I'm a Raccoon"
Sounds:  none

! A lever and a flower pot with inflatable tulips are standing on the left side.

* Lionel stands in the middle of the stage.

O Lights come up while narrator is talking.

Narrator: "On a boring summer night, some time in the 21st Century, Lionel Scritchie is sitting in his dorm. There are only two weeks left until the most important day of the year, yet Lionel can't think of anything to do ... except ... watching the game ... having a bud ..."

Lionel: "True, True ..."

* Poke bursts into the scene from the left.

Poke: *shouting* "Whazaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!?"

Lionel: *quiet, in resignation* "Wazapp ..."

Poke: "Ya don't look too well, do you?"

Lionel: "Damn! It is just two more weeks until EF7 and what have we got? Nothing. Nothing at all!" *pause* "Silly 'don't try to do the same as last year - try to be different - do something new' Cheetah! Here is what we got! Nothing at all! Yeah! It is showtime in two weeks and we don't have a single skit to show, except for this new raccoon-guy's song" - *mockingly* - "'I'm a raccoon'. Do you have any idea how old this song is? Even the MP3 of it has scratches, that's how old it is! *sighs*"

* Rascal dives up between Poke and the flower pot.

* Poke turns to Rascal.

Lionel: "Talk of the devil and he shall appear!"

* Poke disappears with a snort.

Rascal: "Oh! I didn't mean to interrupt you guys. Did I just hear 'raccoon'?"

Lionel: *sighs* "I guess, you did."

Rascal: "Speaking of raccoons, is my raccoon song skit in the show? Did you decide yet? I can show it to you once more, if you like! Maybe that makes it easier for you to decide. Whaddayathink?"

* Two guitar players in fursuits appear on both ends of the stage.

# Music "I'm a raccoon" starts.

* Lionel moves to the right border of the stage.

Lionel: "No! No! My Brain Hurts!"

* Lionel's cries fade against the loud music.

*** The raccoon Song

Puppets: Lionel Scritchie, Rascal
People:  two guitar players
Props:   lever, flower pot with inflatable tulips, two guitars
Music:   "I'm a Raccoon"
Sounds:  breaking glass

* Lionel is stuck at the right border of the stage, obviously trying to get away from the music, still sobbing and begging for mercy.

* Rascal sings his song, totally enjoying himself.

Rascal: "Don't trust me with your favorite stuff ..."

* Rascal throws down the flower pot that crashes down from the stage.

$ Sound effect of breaking glass

# Music stops immediately.

* Rascal gets into panic, runs to the lever and pulls it.

O Lights shut off completely.

* Rascal disappears.

Lionel: "Damn! Stupid raccoon!" *cursing*

! The lever has to be removed here.

==============================================================================

*** The Idea

Puppets: Lionel Scritchie, Poke, Poke with outfit
People:  none
Props:   broken flower pot with inflatable tulips, transgender outfit
Music:   none
Sounds:  Rummaging

! A second ferret has to be prepared with the transgender outfit to make switching fast.

O Lights go back on again.

! The flower pot is lying on the ground in front of the stage.

* Lionel stares at where the flower pot is lying.

* Poke comes up from the left.

Poke: "Hi there, Lionel! Guess what! I ..." *stares at Lionel* "Lionel?" *louder* "LIONEL! I am talking to you!"

* Lionel looks up and faces Poke.

Lionel: "Oh, hi Poke." *resigned* "Whazzap?"

Poke: "You know, I have been thinking about our EF7 problem and I just got this *wonderful* idea for a skit!"

Lionel: "Uh ... I guess I had enough genius skits for a day."

Poke: "No, no! This one is different! I will show you! Hang on!"

* Lionel sighs and turns to the right.

* Poke disappears from the stage to the left.

* Lionel turns around again.

Lionel: *calls after Poke* "You are not going to sing, are you? Tell me, you are not going to sing! Please!"

* A moment of silence.

$ Rummaging sounds.

Lionel: "Poke?"

Poke (off, not using the microphone): "I can't hear you! But I know you're going to love it! I am going to sing!"

* Lionel turns to the audience.

Lionel: *resigned* "Someone, please shoot me!"

* Poke (the second ferret) comes up from the left, wearing the transgender outfit.

* Lionel stares at Poke in surprise.

Lionel: "What the hell?"

*** Time Warp

Puppets: Lionel Scritchie, Poke, Lori, two Sheepdogs, two Raccoons
People:  none
Props:   transgender outfit, fog machine
Music:   "Time Warp"
Sounds:  THX sound, old Windows95 startup sound

# Music "Time Warp" starts.

* Lionel stares at Poke while he starts singing, then leaves the stage.

* The other puppets appear (from right to left): Raccoon, Sheepdog, Poke, Lori, Sheepdog, Raccoon, singing the "Time Warp" chorus, jumping to the right, stepping to the left (audience's view).

# The song comes to it's end.

$ The THX sound drowns the fade out of the music.

O Light start to flicker and swirl around.

! Fog comes up.

$ The "Windows95 starting sound" comes up.

O Lights shut down.

* Poke falls down onto the stage.

! Quickly remove the broken flower pot and place the bottle of beer for the next part.

==============================================================================

*** The Monk

Puppets: Poke
People:  The Monk
Props:   bottle of beer with latch
Music:   none
Sounds:  Gregorian chant, monk's prayer, bottle fump, gurgling chant, belching

* Poke is lying in the middle of the stage, unconscious.

O Lights dim. Spotlight on Poke.

! A bottle of beer is standing at the right side of the stage.

$ The Gregorian chant sets in.

* The monk appears on the left side and slowly goes over to the middle of the stage. He stops when he reaches Poke. He bends down.

$ The chanting stops here.

* The monk picks up the ferret. He looks at Poke from all sides and puts him down again.

$ The prayer sound starts.

* The monk makes prayer movements, stands up again and goes on to the right.

$ The chanting resumes.

* The monk reaches the bottle and opens it.

$ Sound of a loud popping Bottle.

* The monk drinks while the chanting continues

$ Gurgling chanting comes up.

$ Belching sound.

$ Chanting resumes.

* The monk puts the bottle back and turns around, walking back to the ferret with uneasy steps. He stops at Poke, picks him up and tosses him with a casual movement behind the puppet stage. Then he walks off.

O Lights down

==============================================================================

*** The Awakening

Puppets: Lionel Scritchie, Poke, Lori
People:  PG lecturer, 2 security guards
Props:   ragged lingerie, picture presentation item (flipchart?)
Music:   "Morgenstimmung"
Sounds:  PG-Alarm

! The PG lecturer's presenting device must be prepared to the left side of the stage.

* The puppets are lying on the stage, Lionel, Poke and Lori from right to left. Poke's transgender outfit is a complete mess.

# Music "Morgenstimmung" begins to play.

O Lights fade in slowly.

* Puppets begin to stir and slowly wake up.

# Music softens.

Poke: *groans* "Uh ... Oh ... Oh, man! What the FUCK was this!"

Lori: "Watch the PG rating!"

Poke: "PG? Whaddaya mean, PG?"

Lori: "This show is PG rated. That means, no F-words!"

* Puppets freeze in their movement.

# Music stops.

$ PG-Alarm.

* The PG lecturer is standing at the left border of the stage.

O Full spot light on the PG lecturer

! Fill in PG lecturer stuff here!

* The PG lecturer starts explaining the meaning of PG. He demonstrates the difference between PG and X-rated by holding up some extremely X-rated pictures and is immediately deported by two of the security guys.

# Music resumes at exactly the same point.

Poke: "Hey! We just got ... got ... whatever we got and all you can think about is some fucking rating?"

* Lori stays silent and looks around.

Lionel: "Well, whatever it was, this doesn't look quite like our home anymore."

Poke: "Yeah! I can see that. But what kind of place is this? I don't think we are in Kansas anymore. This is giving me the creeps!"

Lori: *staring around* "Oh, this place looks wonderful! Very much like The Wizard of Oz!"

Poke: "Does that mean that you, Mrs. PG bitch-voop, are Judy Garland now? If you are going to play Dorothy Gale you should think about shaving your armpits first!"

* Lori turns angrily to Poke.

Lori: *snapped* "Puh!"

* Lori turns her back on Poke, hitting him with her tail.

* Poke and Lionel starts to bounce around.

Poke, Lionel: *singing* "We came to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz!"

* Poke and Lionel leave the stage, but keep singing.

*** Bitches and Witches

Puppets: Lori, Poke
People:  Witch
Props:   smoke bomb, cigarette
Music:   none
Sounds:  Boom, Thunder

Lori: *upset* "Hmph! Idiots! Both of them!" *sighs* "Men! They are all the same!"

$ Sound effect "Boom".

* Poke and Lionel stop singing.

O Lights flashing.

! Smoke wells up.

* The witch appears to Lori's left side.

* Lori jumps in surprise.

Lori: "Wha-!"

Witch: "Why didst thou call me, little vulpine?"

* Lori stares at the witch.

Lori: *stuttering* "Call you?"

Witch: "I am pretty sure someone called me. I am the witch of the southwestern realms."

* Lori still stares at the witch.

Lori: *stuttering* "Southwestern?"

Witch: "Southwestern!" *casually* "I lost the southeastern part to Agatha during a poker night, but -" *gracefully* "- let's get back to the point! Why did you call me, foxy?"

Lori: *stuttering* "Excuse me, Madam, but ... you seem to have lost your accent!"

Witch: *surprised* "Oh! Damn! Well, " *clears her throat* "Why didst thou call me, vulp ..." *casually* "Ah, forget it. I'll never get this accent right. So, why are you here?"

Lori: "I have no idea! We didn't call you and ... well ... we even don't know, where we are."

* The witch cradles her chin in her hand for a moment.

Witch: "Hmmm ... That's odd. I could swear I heard someone talking about witches or wizards. Well ..." *shrugs* "... anyway. You are near Freusburg castle now, Germany."

Lori: *surprised* "Ye Gods!"

Witch: *angry* "Accent is my business! Anyway, it seems that you have come a long way."

Lori: "How do you know that? Did you use your mighty witch powers?"

Witch: "No, common sense. Plush foxes don't live around here. Besides, it is not the right time for creatures like you."

Lori: "Not the right time? What time is it? Shall we come back later, when the time is right? And when will that be?"

Witch: "Meet me again at this very place in 700 years."

Lori: "700 years? Are you kidding?"

Witch: "But why, of course 700 years!" *sighs deeply* *desperate* "You guys don't live here before the 21st century. Is that so hard to understand?"

Lori: *shocked* "This is the 14th century?"

Witch: "*sweet* My, what a smart foxy you are! *desperate* What did you expect doing the time warp?"

* Lori faints and disappears downwards.

$ Sound effect "Thump!".

* Poke comes up to the left of the witch, a cigarette stuck in his muzzle.

Poke: "Ey granny! Got fire?"

* The witch seems to flinch in anger.

Witch: "Granny?"

* The witch turns around and puts on her nicest smile.

Witch: *soothingly* "Of course I do, sweetheart!"

* The witch concentrates with some gestures and casts a lightning spell towards Poke.

O Lights flashing, strobe effect on Poke.

$ Sound effect "Thunder".

O Light goes dark.

* The witch disappears.

==============================================================================

-------------- Commercial Break -------------------------------------

Part 02:
- Maidens and Madness
- Modern Art
- Music in a Box
- Jail
- Amazing Grace

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

*** Maidens and Madness

Puppets: Lionel Scritchie, Poke, Lori
People:  Maiden
Props:   none
Music:   "Spielleyt - Muito devemos varoes"
Sounds:  none

# The music "Muito devemos varoes" starts playing.

* The maiden is dancing on the left side of the stage.

* Lori, Poke and Lionel Scritchie, from right to left, approach the maiden from the right side.

O Lights are dim, spotlight on the maiden.

Narrator: "Our group of furry heroes has reached Freusburg castle, where Emperor Cheetah rules with kind paw. They heed the hope to ask the Emperor for help. But near the castle's gates they stop at the sight of a beautiful maiden, singing and dancing."

# The music reaches the singing part.

* The maiden starts singing, and keeps on dancing.

* The puppets listen to the maiden's song.

* After some time the maiden sees the puppets and jumps in surprise.

# The music stops immediately.

Maiden: "Oh! Who art thou? I never saw any creatures like thee within the walls of the royal castle!"

Lionel: "Well, dear Lady, we come from ... I mean, we traveled through ... Well, we come from far away and ..."

Maiden: "Sir, thou speakest strangely."

Lionel: "I know, sorry. It is hard to explain. We come from the future."

Maiden: "Oh! Then thou must be sorcerers!"

Lionel: "Not exactly. It is more that ... SOME OF US ..." *turns briefly to Poke* "thought they were singers."

Maiden: "Singers? How wonderful! I love music! So tell me, what is it like, this future? What is the music like?"

* Poke comes into the foreground.

Poke: "Lemme show you, ya cute little human chick!"

* Lionel disappears downwards.

*** Modern Art

Puppets: Poke, rapper ferret, Lori
People:  Maiden, 3 guards
Props:   Ghettoblaster, plastic cup, swords
Music:   "Pop goes the weasel RAP" 
Sounds:  none

! We have to prepare one ferret with a plastic cup.

* Poke disappears.

O Lights go down.

* Poke and another ferret come up in the middle of the stage, putting a ghettoblaster there. Then they stand to both sides of the ghettoblaster.

# Music "Pop goes the weasel RAP" starts.

* The ferrets and Lori sing the song.

* The maiden listens and looks puzzled.

# The song comes near the end.

* Three guards with swords appear at the right side of the stage.

*** Music in a Box

Puppets: Lionel Scritchie, Poke, Lori, rapper ferret
People:  Maiden, Captain
Props:   Ghettoblaster
Music:   none
Sounds:  Jail Door

* Lionel comes on stage, to the left of the ghettoblaster.

* The rapper ferret disappears downwards.

* The guard's captain steps forward.

* The maiden follows the conversation as you would follow a game of tennis.

Captain: "What is that dreadful noise?"

Poke: "What's your problem, hairless ape?"

Captain: "You threw off the Emperor's groove!"

Poke: *mocking* "Huh! I threw of the Emperor's groove! Boo-hoo! Now I am feeling really bad. Bad ferret!"

! A hand is coming from behind the stage, slapping poke lightly in the face.

* The Captain puts the blade of his sword at Poke's throat.

* Poke freezes.

Poke: "Ack!"

Captain: "Your little black box there is the work of the devil! I hear music playing, but I can't see no orchestra. You have trapped all of them in your little black box with evil magic!"

Poke: "But ..."

Captain: "Shut up! You won't enchant me with your evil spells! You will have enough time to talk in front of the great inquisitor! I will take you to the dungeons, all of you!"

* The Captain turns to the remaining guards.

Captain: "GUARDS!"

* The guards take all visible puppets and go away with them.

* The maiden still stares at the scene, looking even more puzzled. Then she walks off the stage.

O Lights down.

$ Jail Door Sound.

! The ghettoblaster has to be removed then.

! Puppets have to be brought back backstage.

==============================================================================

*** Jail

Puppets: Lionel Scritchie, Poke, Lori
People:  none
Props:   Jail bars (light?), Bread and water
Music:   "The Floating Museum"
Sounds:  Record Scratch, Drip!

! A pot of water and a piece of bread are lying on the left side of the stage.

O Full lights.

# Music "The Floating Museum" starts.

Narrator: "So off our futuristic bunch went, directly to the castle prison down in the deepest dungeons."

* Some moments of silence, nothing happens.

$ Record Needle Scratching sound.

# The music stops.

Narrator: *clears his throat* "Ahem! Down in the deepest DIMLY LIT dungeons!"

O Lights go down very low, creating a twilight atmosphere. Jail bars cast shadows.

Narrator: "Thank you."

# The Music starts from the beginning.

Narrator: "As I said, off our futuristic bunch went, directly to the castle prison down in the deepest dungeons. So they sat there ..."

* Lori, Poke and Lionel appear, from right to left.

Narrator: "... wondering what to do next."

$ Constantly dripping water in the background.

* Lori faces Poke.

Lori: "Poke! This time you really did it!"

Poke: "Did what? Not my fault this furless Cromagnon has no clue about art and tech!" *contemplating* "But he was cute, though! I wonder what he would have looked like in a red skirt."

Lori: "Well, fact is, this is a jail, and all my instincts tell me, that this is not my natural habitat!"

Poke: "So?"

Lori: "So we better get out of here! I ..." *starts sobbing* "I ... want to be back in my time, my America, my Kansas!"

* Poke goes off-stage.

* Lionel follows Poke.

* Lori keeps on sobbing.

*** Amazing Grace

Puppets: Lori
People:  none
Props:   Jail bars (light?), Bread and water
Music:   "Amazing Grace - a-capella solo"
Sounds:  none

O Lights down, Spotlight on Lori

* Lori sings "Amazing Grace".

-------------- Commercial Break -------------------------------------

(Dawnwolf (the commercial break moderator) comes in and silences Lori by prodding her backstage. "Time for another commercial Break ...")

==============================================================================

Part 03:
- Help!
- Breaking Free
- Magic Maniac
- Plot Holes and Narrators
- The Dreadful Desert
- Her Ladyship's Labrador

*** Help!

Puppets: Lionel Scritchie, Lori, Poke, various for chorus
People:  none
Props:   Jail bars (light?), Bread and water
Music:   "Help!"
Sounds:  Drip!

O Lights are dim, jail bars cast shadows.

$ Dripping water sound in the background.

Narrator: "After two days on bread, water and Lori's constant whining, our heroes sat together, trying to think of a way to escape, before they would eventually meet their fate in front of the inquisition."

* Poke and Lionel appear to the left from Lori.

Lori: "Oh, how I hate this place! It is so damp and smelly. How are we *ever* going to get out of here? I am hungry and my fur is all messy!"

Poke: "Hey, this place is more authentic than the dungeon in my basement! I wonder if they would rent it for a night or two. Maybe I can get the guard to chain me up for some serious whipping."

Lionel: "Poke, you are not really helping the case here."

Lori: *sobbing* "We are doomed! They will hear us at the trial! And the first word out of that ferret's muzzle will lead us to execution! I don't know, what to do!"

Lionel: "Lori, there is only one thing, we can do. We need to call for -"

Poke: "Sex?"

Lionel, Lori: *simultaneously* "NO!"

Lionel: "No, we need to call for -"

# Song "Help!" starts here.

* The rest of the puppets appear to sing the backgrounds.

# The song reaches its end.

O Lights fade to black.

* The puppets disappear.

! Remove the bread and water props here.

==============================================================================

*** Breaking free

Puppets: some, none really visible
People:  a black cloaked figure
Props:   none
Music:   "Gargoyles theme"
Sounds:  Rustling, clanking

O Lights go down really dark. No puppets are visible.

* All voices are coming off vision.

$ Rustling sound.

Poke: "Did you hear that?"

Lionel: "Hear what?"

$ Clanking sound.

Poke: "Uh ... did you say something?"

Lionel: "Say what?"

Poke: "Smell something?"

Lionel: *sniffs* "Um ... Yes!"

Lori: "Oops. Sorry!"

$ Clanking sound.

Poke: "Quiet! I think, someone is coming!"

# The "Gargoyles" music starts.

O Weird light effects.

* A black cloaked figure runs a few times across the stage, grabbing puppets.

# The music reaches the end.

O Lights go down to black again.

==============================================================================

*** Magic Maniac

Puppets: Lionel Scritchie, Lori, Poke
People:  Alchemist, 2 guards
Props:   white overall, some chemistry equipment
Music:   "They're coming to take me away"
Sounds:  Police Car, Door sounds

! Chemistry equipment to both sides of the stage.

* Lori, Poke and Lionel are lying on the right side of the stage, unconscious.

* The alchemist is standing in the middle of the stage, looking at the puppets.

Narrator: "A while after their *spectacular* exemption from the dungeon our friends wake up in a laboratory, where a strange looking person is watching them."

* The alchemist watches the puppets stir and wake up.

Alchemist: "Oh! Finally you're awake!"

Lionel: "Uh ... Mh ..." *shakes his head* "Yeah."

Poke: "Uh, did you get the number of that donkey cart?"

Alchemist: "What donkey cart?"

Poke: "Never mind."

Lionel: "Well, if you are the one who freed us from the dungeon, thank you very much! Although I would've hoped for a less painful method." *moan*

Alchemist: "Listen closely, little fellows! We don't have much time before they are coming to take me away!"

Poke: "They? Who's they?"

Alchemist: "I know where you came from and thus I know, that here and now is not where you belong."

Poke: "But ..."

Alchemist: "Go to the dreadful desert and find the miraculous monolith. It will guide you to the labrador of her ladyship, for only he can guide the way to the 21st century fox. Challenge him to achieve a wish. This is your only hope." *getting madder* "Find the monolith, furries!"

* The Alchemist grabs Lori's throat and shakes her.

Alchemist: "Fulfill the prophecy! Fulfill the prophecy!"

* The Alchemist lets go of Lori and stands back, while he's looking around frantically.

$ The sound of a police car, then a door opening and closing. Continues during the scene.

Poke: "Miraculous monolith?"

Lionel: "Her ladyship's labrador?"

Lori: "Fulfill the prophecy?"

Alchemist: "Oh, no! Here they come!"

# The song "They're coming to take me away" starts.

* The Alchemist starts running about but is caught by the guards, constantly singing his song and trying to run off.

* The guards drag the alchemist off stage.

O Lights down

! Remove the chemistry items.

==============================================================================

*** Plot holes and Narrators

Puppets: Lionel Scritchie, Lori, Poke
People:  none
Props:   Hoola-Hoop as Plot-Hole (With sign "Ye mighty plot hole!")
Music:   "Jump!"-Loop, only the first chords
Sounds:  electric humming

! Prepare the Plot Hole.

Lionel: "He is gone! Now we seem to be on our own again."

Poke: "Great help! Now wasn't that sweet! I told you to call for sex, but nooooooo ... You wouldn't listen. Now let's see how Mr. Smart-Lionass gets us out of here."

* Lionel turns away from Poke.

* They walk for a while.

! The plot hole hovers on the left side of the stage.

$ Humming sound from the floating hoop.

Lori: "Look! There is a shiny round thing hovering in the air!"

Lionel: "Careful! Step back! It might be dangerous!"

Lori: "What is this? What do you think?"

Poke: "Well, the sign says 'Ye mighty plot hole!'"

Lionel: "We should be careful ..."

* Silence.

Narrator: "So our three adventurers stood before the mighty plot hole leading to the desert ..."

* Puppets look around, wondering where that voice came from.

Lionel: "Who was that?"

Poke: "No idea. But he obviously couldn't keep his muzzle shut."

Lori: "I could be mistaken, but didn't he just say that the plot hole would lead us to the desert?"

Narrator: "Yes, he did!"

Poke: "Well, what desert? I mean ... the dreadful desert we are looking for? Or maybe the stony desert or the wet desert? Maybe the desert in Lori's pants?"

Lori: "Hmph!"

Narrator: "The dreadful desert, you fool! Now jump!"

# Music "Jump!" starts.

Lori: "For the prophecy!" *jumps*

Poke: "For spooge!" *jumps*

Lionel: "For ... for ... Forget it!" *jumps*

! Remove the Plot Hole here

O Lights down

# Music stops.

==============================================================================

-------------- Commercial Break -------------------------------------

==============================================================================

*** The Dreadful Desert

Puppets: Lionel Scritchie, Lori, Poke, The Keeper
People:  none
Props:   Flashlight, Monolith
Music:   "Also sprach Zahatustra", "Horse with no name"
Sounds:  Desert Wind, Monolith grinding, Smash, Martial Arts noise, Wiping

O Lights are dim.

# Music "Also sprach Zahatustra" starts.

! There's a monolith to the right side of the stage.

O A small flashlight starts to rise behind the monolith.

# Music reaches the end.

O The small light goes off.

O Stage lights go up again.

* The puppets come in from the left.

* A Bedouin guy is meditating next to the monolith.

* The puppets slowly approach the Monolith, looking down so they don't notice the monolith yet.

Lionel: "Water! Water!"

Lori: "Water! Water!"

Poke: "Budweiser! Budweiser!"

Bedouin: "I am the keeper of the miraculous monolith! I have been meditating for the last 2001 years, waiting for the prophecy to be fulfilled!"

* The puppets look up to see the Keeper of the Monolith

Lori: "Tell us, where shall we go?"

Bedouin: "How should I know? You're the promised ones, not me!"

* Lori begins to cry and wail again.

* Lionel looks up the monolith.

Lionel: "Look up there! There is an inscription!"

Lori: "What does it say?"

* Poke holds his ear to the monolith.

Poke: "Doesn't say a thing."

Lionel: "It is too high, I can't reach it."

Bedouin: "Only the chosen ones will be able to decipher the inscription. Only they will reveal the secret of the monolith. Join together in meditation, link your minds and your conscience will form wings and take you to the top of the monolith. And only the chosen ones will then recite the magic lore to reveal the secret path to their destiny."

* Poke goes over to Lionel.

Poke: "Alright, no problem. Lionel, you link your conscience to mine."

* Poke puts his head against Lionel's.

Lionel: "Poke, this is not going to work."

Lori: "Yeah, where there is no brain, there is no conscience to link to."

* Poke turns to Lori.

Poke: "Maybe we should use you as some kind of magic carpet. I mean, you look like a rug, you smell like a rug ... It is worth a try."

Lori: "You ...!"

Poke: "Everybody on board! Bitch-voop express leaving in 5 minutes!"

Lori: "Why! You filthy flea-ridden bug-eating perverted son of a swamp rat!"

Poke: "Bitch-voop!"

Lori: "Dirtbag!"

Poke: "Brainfart!"

Lori: "Hamsterface!"

Poke: "Teletubby!"

* Lori and Poke start to fight.

$ Martial Arts fighting sound effect.

* They fight all across the stage from right to left and back and then they bump into the monolith.

$ Stone grinding noise.

! Monolith begins to fall.

(?) Bedouin: *shouting* "Ahhh! Timber!"

* Bedouin gets smashed under the Monolith.

$ Smashing sound.

Poke, Lori: "It was him/her!"

Lionel: "Now look what you have done!"

* Lionel steps onto the monolith.

Lionel: "At least now we can read the inscription."

* Lionel tries to read.

Lori: "Yes! The inscription! The old secret of the Mysterious Monolith! We will reveal the secret and find our way back home! We will fulfill the prophecy! Can you read it?"

Lionel: "It is covered with dust. That makes it hard to decipher."

* Lionel tries to wipe off the dust.

$ Wiping noise.

Lori: "The ancient secrets! Thousands of years of wisdom, all condensed in this very inscription, will be revealed to us! We are the chosen ones! Finally there is hope! I can already feel it! This is a moment of great importance! We will find our way back home!"

Poke: "So, what does it say?"

Lionel: "It says ... it says ... 'This Way!'"

Poke, Lori: *disappointed* "Oh."

* Silence.

* Lionel starts to walk.

Lionel: "Follow me!"

Poke: "Follow you where?"

Lionel: "This way!"

O Lights fade out while puppets walk off stage.

! Remove the Monolith here.

Poke(off): "Hey, where did this mysterious monolith guy go?"

Lionel(off): "No idea."

Lori(off): "Don't know."

O Lights fade back in

* The puppets are walking from right to left.

# Song "Horse with no name" starts.

* Lori, Poke and Lionel sing.

# Song ends.

O Lights fade out.

*** Her Ladyship's Labrador

Puppets: Lionel Scritchie, Lori, Poke, Labrador
People:  none
Props:   Everything that can be carried around, a sign reading "21st Century Fox" with an arrow that points down.
Music:   Chasing music
Sounds:  Thump!

* Puppets come in from the right. There's a labrador snoring at the left side of the stage.

* Lionel turns around.

Lionel: "Stop! There is a big dog in front of us!"

* Lori starts running towards the dog.

Lori: "Doggie!"

* Poke grabs Lori.

Lionel: "Are you crazy? This dog is three times bigger than I am!"

Poke: "Not that you are very large, for a lion."

* They start to whisper.

Lori: "What are we going to do? This must be her ladyship's labrador! The monolith pointed exactly here!"

Lionel: "We need a plan."

Poke: "I have got a plan!"

* Poke pushes Lori forward into the dog's direction.

Poke: "You go and talk to your doggie."

* Lori briefly looks at Poke, then walks over to where the doggie is sleeping.

* Lori clears her throat.

Lori: "We ... uh ... are the chosen ones."

* Labrador wakes up and yawns.

Lori: "We are here to speak to her ... uh ... ladyship's labrador."

Labrador: *aristocratic* "Woof?"

Lori: "Excuse me?"

Labrador: "Woof!"

Lori: "Uh, I see."

* Lori goes back to Poke and Lionel.

Lionel: "What did he say?"

Lori: *aristocratic* "Woof!"

Lionel: "Woof?"

Lori: "Woof!"

Lionel: "Very interesting. It seems we have a bad case of domestication here. This guy does not speak our language anymore."

Lori: "Poor doggie."

Poke: "Let me handle this. I have a way with dogs."

* Poke steps over to the labrador, cleaning his throat and holding himself upright.

Poke: *stumbling* "Woof! Woof, woof, rrrrr-rawoof!"

* Labrador starts to growl.

Poke: *slowly* "Woof?"

# Chasing music starts here.

* Labrador starts chasing the puppets, yapping and woofing.

* The puppets run in place.

! All background personnel will carry props around to give the illusion of fast movement of the puppets. We can also throw light stuff into the big fan.

* Lori is running ahead, then there's Lionel and Poke.

Lionel: *panting* "What did you tell him, ferret?"

Poke: "I just said 'Good morning, son of a bitch'."

Lionel: *angry* "Poke! You idiot!"

Poke: "What's wrong with that? Fact is, *every* dog is a son of a bitch."

* The labrador falls behind more and more.

Lori: *panting* "There is a signpost ahead!"

Poke: "Let me guess. It says 'This way!'"

Lori: "I don't know. It is still too far away."

* Puppets run on.

! The sign moves in.

Lori: "Ah! It says '21st Century Fox'"

! The sign reaches her side.

* Lori falls down.

Lori: "Aaaaaaah!"

* Lionel and Poke stop.

$ Sound of tires screeching.

* Lionel and Poke stand to both sides of the sign, looking down.

Lionel: *shouting* "Lori?"

Lori: *reverb* "Yes!"

Lionel: "Is it safe to jump?"

Lori: "I don't know!"

Lionel: "Why?"

Lori: *more reverb* "I am still falling!"

$ A distant thumping sound.

Lori: *more reverb* "Ouch!"

! Paper chips are flying up.

! Remove the sign here.

==============================================================================

Part 04: Mighty Foxes, skinny Foxes The End

*** Mighty Foxes, skinny Foxes

Puppets: Lionel Scritchie, Lori, Poke, 21st Century Minifox
People:  Fursuiter for 21st Century Fox
Props:   3 pairs of eyes in the dark
Music:   none
Sounds:  21st Century Fox Theme, Deep Growl, Grinding Mechanical Noise, Stair steps, Small door creaking, Time travel sound

Narrator: "After a long way down into the depths of the realm of the 21st century fox, our furry friends stumble through the darkness, unsure where the path may lead them, deep below the surface of the earth."

! Puppets are just eyes in the dark. Lori's eyes will be played by Lynard there, so we can make a quicker change later on.

* Lori is lying on the floor, not visible since she has her eyes closed.

* Poke stand on the stage, Lionel is climbing down invisible stairs.

Lionel: "Lori? Are you alright?"

Lori: *groan* "I ... I can feel every single seam in my body hurting. But I think none of them ripped."

Poke: "Why didn't you use the stairs as every sensible puppet would have done?"

Lionel: "Now we have to find the 21st Century Fox. But we must be careful. We don't know if he will be friendly."

Poke: *calling* "Foxy! Here, foxy!"

$ Deep growling sound.

Poke: "Err ... Lori? I guess that's *your* species. You go talk to him!"

* Poke pushes Lori forward.

Lori: "But ... but ..."

* Lori steps forward, that means the others step back and disappear out of sight.

! Puppeteers change back to their normal puppets.

Lori: "Hello? Mr. 21st Century Fox?"

$ 20th Century Fox sound.

O When the fanfare sounds, the lights go up.

! Lori is on stage quickly exchanged against the normal Lori.

* Poke and Lionel are approaching.

* 21st Century Fox fursuiter stands on the stage.

* Puppets approach the fox.

Fox: "Ah, the chosen ones!"

Lori: "I ... I guess so, yes."

Fox: "So tell me, do you have the circle with you?"

Lori: "Circle? What circle?"

Fox: "The Circle of Life, of course. That's why you are here, aren't you? The prophecy has to be fulfilled, the circle has to be put back to where it belongs, where it can bring eternal joy and happiness to the universe and balance to the force!"

Poke: "Hang on, buddy! I mean ... everyone told us we are the chosen ones, and I really have no problem with that, but no one said anything about any circles to find or bring. That sounds like a cheap Lion King rip-off anyway."

Fox: "Lion King? I thought Emperor Cheetah is in charge. Did he send you? Wait a second. I need to get a close-up look at you strange folks ..."

* The 21st Century Fox freezes at the side of the stage 

$ Grinding Mechanical Noise, Stairsteps

$ Sound of some small door creaking.

* A small fox puppet emerges from it's belly. The small fox has a high, shrieky voice.

SFox: *angry* "Are you mucking me? I have been waiting here for ages, and trust me, that is no fun! And this god-damn mechanical armor there didn't exactly help to keep me happy. And now some wrecked wannabe-adventurers come down here without even the slightest of clues about what is going on? Gimme a break!"

Poke: "Ey shorty! It is not our fault we ended up in this whole prophecy thing!"

Lionel: "It is not?" *stares at Poke*

Poke: "Well ... err ... at least it wasn't planned ..."

SFox: "So you are not the chosen ones? Damn! Why me? Okay, okay, back into the mech fox it is for me, then. I just hope it won't be another millenium until the next visitors appear. And I *really* hope that these ones really *are* the ones! Well, see ya! Hasta-la-vista! Au revoir! Auf Wiedersehen!"

* Pause*

SFox: "What are you waiting for? Get *lost*!"

Lori: "But we have nowhere to go in this age!"

SFox: "Aww ... My heart breaks! Do I look like I care? You are not the chosen ones! I have no idea how you managed to get here. Bye!"

* Lori begins to sob.

SFox: "Stop that!"

* Lori begins to cry, very much like Timon and Pumbaa.

SFox: "Hey! Stop that!"

Poke: "Nah, I have tried that before. She usually doesn't stop until she gets what she wants."

SFox: "And what *does* she want?"

Lionel: "Well, it wasn't our intention to get stuck in this century. And she is homesick and wants to get back to the 21st Century."

SFox: "And she really will stop crying then?"

Lionel: "Promise!"

SFox: "Ah, well, off you go!"

O Light effects, strobes.

$ THX-Sound backwards, Timewarp song at 4x Speed backwards.

O Lights fade out.

* Lori's cries fade out.

==============================================================================

*** The End

Puppets: Lionel Scritchie, Lori, Poke
People:  none
Props:   none
Music:   End, Party song, End song
Sounds:  Slapping, sound of a plopping kiss, Drip!, Big Boom (Lion King ending sound)

O Lights on.

* Poke, Lionel and Lori are on the stage.

* Lori's cries resume.

Poke: "Lori?"

* Lori still cries.

Poke: *louder* "LORI!"

* Lori, well ... cries.

* Poke baps Lori.

$ Slapping sound.

Poke: "Cut the crap, we made it!"

* Lori stops crying, the end of the cry sounds like a question.

Lionel: "Yes, we really made it!"

Poke: "Even without any circles!"

Lori: "Home? We are really back?"

Poke: "Unless they have skyscrapers in the 14th century. Yes!"

Lori: *enthusiastic* "Ohh!"

* Lori hugs and kisses Poke.

$ Sound of a plopping kiss.

* Poke chokes and spits.

*** End party song ***

O All lights fade out.

* Silence

==============================================================================

Narrator: "So, finally our friends are back home in Kansas, full of new ideas for the EF7 Variety Show. Exhausted but wiser. They have learned an important lesson: When in trouble, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout. And so ends our story. But meanwhile, 700 years in the past, sounds of protest echo through the halls of Freusburg Castle."

* All voices come from the off.

$ Water dripping, like in the jail scene.

Guy 1: "Believe us, we are the chosen ones! We have the circle of life, and it will bring eternal joy and happiness to the universe, we need to fulfill the prophecy!"

Guard: "Hahaha! Yeah, sure. Fulfill the prophecy ... you don't believe that yourselves, do you?"

Guy 1: "We really are! And this black singing box is not ours! We just found it, really!"

Guard: "You can tell that to the great inquisitor! And this odd looking loop ..."

Guy 2: "Circle! It is the circle of life, and we must bring it to the 21st Century Fox!"

Guard: "I highly doubt you will go anywhere anymore in this life."

Guy1, Guy 2: "Noooo!"

$ Big Boom sound.

*** THE END ***

# Ending Music

* Puppeteers come to the stage with all other actors.
