Anonymous Wed 24 Jul 2024 18:48:35 No.67670286 Report

>>67670248
Anon has to explain to his kids why he has no face, except for when he does sometimes

Anonymous Wed 24 Jul 2024 19:34:21 No.67671489 Report

>>67670286
>Its a Friday afternoon
>I'm at home, sat in my brand new dad chair
>It still feels weird, but Rip said it would until I broke it in.
>I've decided its probably better to go ahead and get it over with now, so here I am, sat in the living room watching tv.
>The kids are busy arguing over the remote
>Amber wants to watch My Little Eohippus, but Greene is in the middle of an episode of World War 2 In Color.
>"No fair! You got to watch My Little Eohippus yesterday!" Greene says, snatching the remote off the ground.
>"And you've been watching army shows all day!" Amber replies, trying to snatch the remote from him.
>"Nuh uh! I just started an hour ago." Greene holds the remote above his head, using his height to his advantage.
>"But you've seen this a million times!" Amber gets up on her tip toes to try and reach it.
>"And you watch My Little Eohippus every day!" No dice, Greene keeps the remote just out of reach.
>Amber grabs his arm and pulls it down.
>"I WANNA WATCH MY LITTLE EOHIPPUS!"
>A struggle over the remote ensues.
>Although part of me wants to see which of my spawn is stronger, the responsible part of me says to put a stop to it.
>I reach over and jerk the remote out of their hands.
>They freeze and look up at me with dumbfounded fear
>Quick, think of something fatherly to say
>"I think I'll decide what to watch."
>Good enough
>I start flipping through the guide
>Although I wouldn't mind either of the shows they want, I can't turn either on
>Ancient Aliens is right next to Greene's history show, no.
>The cartoons have Amber's show and a bunch of new crap, pass.
>Informercials, hell no.
>And an action movie marathon, now we're talking.
>I click the channel and Silver Stallone's face fills the screen.
>Greene and Amber look suitably dissatisfied. Good, that'll teach em not to fight.
>I settle into my chair and watch Stallone and 90s Sandra Bullock act out their sci fi cop action
(1/?)

Anonymous Wed 24 Jul 2024 20:01:41 No.67672185 Report

Quoted By: >>67672287 >>67673908

>>67671489
>This movie's actually pretty good
>I was expecting just a bunch of dumb action, and it certainly has that, but its actually got some interesting stuff to say abo-
>"Daddy?"
>I'm jerked from appreciation of kino by my daughter, who's looking up at me inquisitively.
>"Yes Amber."
>"Why don't you have a face?"
>Niggawut
>"What are you talking about sweetie? I have a face."
>"Maybe sometimes, but that man on the TV has a face all the time." She says, pointing to the chisled jaw lined action hero on the screen.
>Oh, yeah. That.
>"Well, umm.."
>She looks up at me expectantly, as does Greene.
>Shit
>"You see kids..."
>Come on, just think of something.
>"That man on the tv is an actor. They get really unique looking people with interesting faces to be actors. They look for people like that so their movies will stand out."
>They just nod and keep waiting for more of an answer.
>"Well lots of people don't have stand out faces like that. Their faces are plain and pretty easy to not notice unless they're doing something interesting, like making a mean face or smiling."
>Greene, who's been silent up until now, pipes up.
>"What about dinos? I've never seen a dino with a face like that."
>I again pause for a second, why do they have to be so damn inquisitive?
>"Well, son, dino faces are all sorts of different shapes and colors, and their features are a lot bigger than human ones. Its a lot harder for a dino to be plain than it is for a human."
>I wait silently
>"Oh ok." He says before turning back to the tv just in time to see Wesley Snipes throw Stallone through a glass floor.
>Amber turns back to watch the (surprisingly sensible) violence as well
>Phew
>Thank raptor Jesus they bought that.
>I don't know what I'd do if I had to tell them the real answer.
>Just imagine what they'd think if they kne-
>"Daddy?"
>Amber's inquisitive voice makes me freeze
>"Is that why I can't see Greene's eyes?"
>"No sweetie, he just needs a haircut."
(2/2)