# Bad Bitch Stella Chapter 2

Chapter 2
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[Anon]
"Remind me again why I'm here?"
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[Stella]
"Haha, to come to the beach with me of course!"
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[Anon]
"Yeah so, WHY am I here?"
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[Stella]
"Oh come on, how can that be a bad thing? This heat is unbearable!"
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Can't really argue with that, I'm sweating my ass off here. I'm pretty sure that soon I'll be fused with the bus seat. But the jacket isn't coming off one second before it needs to.
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Really, if it wasn't for my lanklet body I wouldn't be complaining one bit. Spending a day with Stella can hardly be a bad thing.
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A sigh escapes my lips as the thought crosses my mind. It's all so weird still, Stella being by newest dino gee eff.
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It's been about two weeks since we became a thing. You'd think that a fresh couple would want nothing but to spend time together, but in practice excursions like today proved the exception and not the rule so far.
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In light of the dramatic events that transpired, we've agreed that giving eachother some space would be a smart thing to do. Probably. Stella could smooth things out with Rosa, and I could avoid getting my neck snapped by Naser. And uh, make sure that Fang was okay too.
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Stella and I would still meet in school and talk on the phone in the evenings, but we didn't want to give more fuel to the rumor mill. Going back to the dorms wasn't really an option, Rosa and her had to practically smuggle me in last weekend so we could watch anime. Almost every student have heard some retelling of the story too.
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In some of them I somehow managed to score both Stella AND Fang, at the same time.
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Not bad.
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But uh, in some others they claim that I personally wanted to kill Stella and had to be detained by the guards. I have no idea where THAT came from.
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In any case, we could scarcely talk to eachother at school without random students sneering at us.
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I'm just glad that the others are more or less off the hook. Fang was getting dogwhistles for a while, but Naser and Trish - though independently - saw to the end of those. I'm willing to bet that Spears weighed in there too.
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Rosa and Reed weren't really getting a single look, even though they're spending an increasing amount of time together.
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Who could have thought?
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I would be happy for them, if Reed wasn't otherwise distant... From everyone, really. He barely talks to me, to Fang, to Trish, to anyone.
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I feel pretty shitty about that, cause it no doubt has to do with him backing me up throughout the whole ordeal. It hurts to see him estranged from his friends, even though his exile is one-sided.
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Or maybe I'm just reading too much into it, and he's normal when I'm not around. I could just be paranoid too.
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Like, I'm eighty percent sure I'm paranoid about Fang anyway, cause she seems... Fine?
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She must have suffered the most, and yet she's doing fine holding up her end of the deal. We still talk and joke around - mostly her - like nothing happened.
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I can't help but feel that this is an act.
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The worst part is that I can't fault her for it. Like what? "Hey Fang, why are you hiding things from your ex that lied to you and cheated on you? Oh, you also have feelings for him? Nah, that'll blow over don't worry."
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Then again, it was my support and not like, my dick that she needed most. If I keep being her friend, things may actually turn out fine.
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Not that being her friend will be easy. Besides the obvious, whereas before all this Trish only wished that I was dead, she now refuses to acknowledge my existence in any way.
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Wait.
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This might actually be the best possible outcome, really.
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Naomi could join her too.
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God, I hope those two didn't hear about Stella and me eavesdropping on their rooftop shenanigans.
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Guh!
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I'm rudely shaken out of my thoughts as the bus crosses over a bumpy segment. My only consolation is seeing Stella's moderate titties bounce under her bikini top.
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I'm instinctively reminded of how soft they've felt under my touch that one time. A memory that I have, erm, "relived" many evenings now.
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...
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Right, where was I?
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Uhhh...
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Anyway, most everyone that isn't Stella can eat shit.
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For a second I consider correcting myself to "everyone that isn't Stella or me", but uh... I deserve to eat shit too.
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I guess I'll just have to come to terms with the fact that I'm still a no-good liar with the emotional maturity of a jealous six-year-old. I try not to show my struggle on the outside too much. Forcing myself to eat too, and all that.
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It's not, like, a deep pit of depression anyway. I feel happy when I'm with Stella. But when I'm alone these thoughts keep crowding into my mind. The last few nights I've been laying in bed staring at the ceiling, wondering how she could even trust me.
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...okay, it might be depression. Let's call it, uh... Self-doubt? Having some of that is healthy, right?
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I can't dwell on that for long though, as the PA announces that we'll arrive at the beach in a few minutes.
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Stella grabs my hand with a happy yelp. A week back this gesture would've had me sweating profusely, but now it feels natural.
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Mostly.
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[Stella]
"Oooohh, I've been waiting all week for this!"
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[Anon]
"Really? Aren't you sad that you're gonna miss this week's episode?"
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[Stella]
"I have keikaku."
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I still haven't gotten fully accustomed to her wapanese, but at least I can keep the cringe on the inside.
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[Anon]
"Oh yeah? What's that?"
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[Stella]
"Um, like a plan."
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...
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[Anon]
"Yeah I... I know what... I mean what's your plan?"
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[Stella]
"Oh um..."
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She blushes suddenly, her tail trailing up on her leg.
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I've learned that a tail curl can mean a few things. Usually along the lines of embarrassment, excitement, or coziness. Probably the first one this time.
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[Stella]
"I thought maybe we could watch it at your place afterwards? I could totally crash the weekend too."
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Oh no.
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I knew that sooner or later it would come to this.
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I've been trying to hide the fact that I live in Skin Row the best I could, but I guess no more of that.
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Or... Maybe if I stall her at the beach somehow, and we "accidentally" forget about the episode? It's not like she can't catch a rerun or torrent it.
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I feel kinda bad about it, but... I'm just not ready yet.
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[Anon]
"Y-yeah, sure."
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* * *
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The rest of the ride goes by uneventfully. We make smalltalk as Stella rests her head on my shoulder - which feels amazing by the way -, but nothing overly exciting. I half expected her to go on a tangent about this or that series, but I guess we both just want to make the heat go away.
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I hope the beach won't be overcrowded. I'm still not sure how Stella roped me into showing off my lanklet body.
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...
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Alas, half the city seems to be gathered out here. Some of them I recognize from school, surrounded by their friends. Older folks too. But worst of all, families. Families with annoying fucking children running all around on a sugar high. Children who revel in pulling your boxers down and force you to go home naked, Solid Snake style.
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Er, maybe that last part isn't all that common.
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We find a more or less secluded area behind a few trees - not coincidentally far from the actual beach - and lay down a blanket.
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Stella produces a few things from her basket. Some fruit, a couple of sandwiches, sunblock, so on.
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Man... Now I feel like a dick for literally only bringing myself.
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The last item is an inflatable swimming ring, which she immediately throws at me. I take my cue and get to inflating it.
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The rubber turns out to be quite big. Thankfully it's plain orange, and not covered with kanji or cutouts from hentai doujins, as I would have expected from Stella.
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Meanwhile, Stella applies the sunblock on herself. The way she spreads the cream all over her tail is unbelievably cute.
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She finishes about the same time as I do, turning her back to me.
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[Stella]
"Could you do the rest for me?"
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Oh boy.
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[Anon]
"Sure."
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Okay Anon, just don't get a boner now. Steady.
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I drop the now inflated toy and take the sunblock from her, squirting a generous amount of it into my palm.
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Her scales are pretty hot to the touch, even though we're in shade right now. I guess this heat is getting to everyone.
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I try to spread it around the best I can, painting her whole back white around the plates.
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At the end I consider a surprise boob-grab from behind, but I conclude that today should be about harmless fun. Plus I don't want to accidentally faceplant a kid with my hard-on.
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...Jesus that was a really fucked up thought what is wrong with me?
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Still, I've already risked being labeled an offender this month.
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[Anon]
"All done."
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[Stella]
"Thanks, Anon!"
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She rewards me with an awkward kiss.
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...
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Oh god, it's my turn now huh?
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Alright... The jacket comes off first.
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It would be so much easier if she wasn't looking at me... Then again, it fills me with pride that a girl is curious about my body.
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At least till I start fumbling around with my shirt like the dork that I am. I'm so sweaty that it sticks to me like a vice.
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Goddammit.
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With one last jank, I free myself of my burden. The light breeze hitting my skin feels nice.
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Midst my retardation, Stella's already got the floating rubber around her waist.
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God, how can this girl always one-up her cuteness?
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I sunblock myself up, then we pack the rest of the stuff back into the basket and make our way for the water.
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* * *
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Once we're far enough in that the ear piercing screams of playing children can barely be heard, Stella pulls herself up to lay across the ring, and I just simply cling onto the side while enjoying the cool water.
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We stay like that for a bit, silent, save for the splashing I make to cover her belly with water and her giggles in response.
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After a while she grabs my hand, looking like she actually has something important to say.
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...
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She doesn't speak up, but no matter. I know that something's up.
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[Anon]
"Yeah?"
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[Stella]
"Um... Don't you think that it's weird that we still call eachother by name? I mean... S-shouldn't I call you like, s-sweetie or something?"
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Huh. I can feel my cheeks turning red.
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[Anon]
"I-I don't know?"
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[Stella]
"What did you call eachother with Fang?"
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[Anon]
"Uh... It was like..."
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[Anon]
"She called me dweeb a lot."
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...
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I didn't really expect that Fang would come up today. The water suddenly feels colder around me, laying renewed pressure on my chest.
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I try not to show it. Stella doesn't realize her error either, and I'm quite thankful for that.
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[Stella]
"Aww, that's so mean. But I guess she'd be like that now."
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[Anon]
"Like that now? What do you mean by now?"
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[Stella]
"Oh um... She used to be different."
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I want to ask, but she quickly interjects.
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[Stella]
"It's not really for me to say."
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I just shake my head at her.
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[Anon]
"Uh, no, Stella. You don't just drop something like that. Come on."
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She fidgets around for a bit, unsure what to make of the situation. I'm almost about to let it goes as she caves.
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[Stella]
"Fine, but you didn't hear from me, okay?"
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[Anon]
"Yeah sure."
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[Stella]
"She um, she used to be like um... Girly? And like, super religious."
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[Anon]
"Huh."
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Couldn't have guessed that.
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[Stella]
"Right? I mean, how do you think we've got to be- f-friends...?"
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She cuts herself off awkwardly, probably realizing that she couldn't very well call herself Fang's buddy anymore.
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The thought puts a bitter taste in my mouth too, so I try to distract her with more splashing. It kinda works, but the air definitely stays thick with awkwardness for a good while.
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* * *
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We stay in the water for the better part of two hours, talking about series' and characters we like, planning more dates, so on. It's actually quite pleasant once we forget about the other topic.
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In the middle of one of my various rants, Stella starts shifting around nervously.
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[Stella]
"A-Anon, I gotta pee."
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[Anon]
"Okay? I'll wait for you here."
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[Stella]
"Could you come with me?"
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Uh, what?
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[Anon]
"Uh, what?"
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[Stella]
"So that nobody else comes in?"
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[Anon]
"Don't they have like, stalls?"
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[Stella]
"I... I can't if there's someone next to me. Or in the room."
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I know that I'm a dick, but I couldn't suppress chuckling even I wanted to.
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[Anon]
"Sorry. Yeah, sure. Let's go."
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We zig-zag our way through the crowd and hastility get to the toilets. Thankfully, Stella knows where they are.
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It's a small wooden building, with separate doors for the two genders on opposing sides.
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After making sure that nobody's there, Stella hands me the inflatable rubber and hurries inside as I guard the door for her. Then it strikes me that I have no idea what to say if someone actually wants to enter.
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Claim that it's occupied? Like, I don't know how many stalls are in there but all of them occupied? How would I even know that it's full? Not like I'm waiting in line.
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As the minutes pass, I keep asking myself why it takes so long for girls to pee. This is a nightmare.
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...
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Just as I'm about to start hyperventilating, Stella appears through the door.
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[Stella]
"Thanks, s-swee--tie..."
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Like that, with an awkward pause in the middle.
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I blush nonetheless. Being called sweetie by someone other than my grandma feels surprisingly nice.
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She hugs me too, which I find weird at first - what, like two feet from the toilets - but then I realize that it probably took her effort to even ask. Plus I didn't refuse or make her feel overly weird about it.
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I was more or less understanding about her weirdness, and that's almost exactly what she said she's looking for in a boyfriend.
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Squeezing her body close to mine, I'm just happy that I can make her happy.
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* * *
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It's still early afternoon, so we take some time to down a couple of sandwiches Stella has made.
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I'm simply enamored with watching her wet scales, especially around her chest. But like, I try to not make my staring obvious.
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Afterwards we lay down on the blanket, cuddling under the pleasant shade of the trees.
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Really, with how much I was fussing about coming here, I can't deny the simple calming joy of just lazeing around with Stella. Makes me wonder if she took any of her quote un-quote boyfriends here, or if I'm the first.
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[Anon]
"Do you come here a lot? Looked like you know your way around the place."
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[Stella]
"Not really. I've been a few times with Rosa and the gardening club."
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[Anon]
"Not even like, with your parents?"
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[Stella]
"We're not from the area. You know, that's why dorms and stuff."
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Makes sense.
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[Stella]
"Have you?"
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[Anon]
"Nah, this is my first time. It's kinda nice, sucks that there are so many people."
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She just shrugs.
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[Stella]
"I don't mind them."
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[Anon]
"Huh, how come? I thought you would want to be away from the people that think you're weird."
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She takes some time to formulate a response. Her face gets all serious too.
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[Stella]
"I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I don't want you to be the only person I can feel normal around."
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[Stella]
"I know that I'm not good with people, but I'm trying. We'll graduate soon, so we can't keep running away from them and be outcasts forever."
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[Stella]
"So please, don't see me as this loser who always needs to be looked after."
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That's an interesting train of thought from someone unable to go to the bathroom alone. I can see her point though.
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Doesn't keep me from feeling jealous about it, that she wants me to be just one of many. I don't have any desires like that. Not like I'm not already an outcast.
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At least I have enough self-awareness to know that this is a me issue. She's right that we'll need to be normal eventually.
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[Anon]
"I see."
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She climbs on top of my chest, resting her breasts on it and looking down at me with a flustered smile.
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[Stella]
"Hey, I didn't want to be mean. And I know that you're just looking out for me."
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She gives me a quick peck on the lips, though before she could retreat I push my head forward, deepening the kiss.
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Stella seems a little surprised, but welcomes my advancement. She pulls back only as the kiss would have turned into a full-on make out session.
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We look at one another, panting a touch. At some point, her tail curled up along one of my legs too.
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[Stella]
"Wanna go for another swim?"
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[Anon]
"Eh, sure. Dibs on the thing."
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She giggles at that but doesn't protest, jumping up giddily and skipping towards the water. I watch her go with a dumb grin ear to ear, but stay back to check on my phone real quick.
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My heart sinks as the screen lights up, prominently displaying a few missed calls from none other than Fang. Couple of texts too.
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She hasn't messaged me since... Well, since then.
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Oh fuck me, this definitely won't be good.
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[Stella]
"You coming?"
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I look back at Stella with a troubled expression.
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[Anon]
"Yeah uh, gimme a sec."
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I hesitate for a moment, my thumb hovering over the notification badge.
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Oh, what the hell...
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[Fang]
"hey loser"
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[Fang]
"i need u"
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[Fang]
"4 science shit :V"
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[Fang]
"come over tmrw"
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[Fang]
"w8 no"
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[Fang]
"ill go over"
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I quickly check the timestamp and with great relief confirm that the messages are from today, and Fang isn't currently waiting for me somewhere in the middle of Skin Row. The mental image of her getting shanked in an alley isn't a pleasant one.
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Still, this is all coming out of nowhere.
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[Stella]
"What is it?"
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I didn't even notice Stella sneaking up behind me.
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Unable to speak with the lump growing in my throat, I hand her the phone. All sorts of colorful possibilities race through my mind as she reads the messages.
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Like, okay. Maybe I'm the biggest retard ever and Fang simply needs help with her homework. But she knows smarter people than me. Reed, for instance. Her parents should have no problem with him going over either.
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And what's up with the calls?
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I mean yeah, we didn't cut off contact, but... These past two weeks we didn't meet unless we had to cause of class or something.
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Even when we got her to hang out with us, it was just the three of us sitting around awkwardly, twiddling our thumbs and shit.
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Could this be a plot? Maybe she's bringing Naser or Trish to beat me up, or her father to arrest me.
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Though that latter one would be much easier if I went over to their place instead.
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Maybe she wants us to be alone and have a heart to heart about the situation? We never really did talk it over.
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Or...
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My heart skips a beat as I consider that she could also have more sinister, shady, and intimate intentions.
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[Stella]
"So?"
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She shoots me a quizzical glance, which confuses me greatly. Doesn't she see the problem?
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[Anon]
"I uh... D-Don't you think it's weird?"
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She shrugs.
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[Stella]
"She had to get over it eventually."
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Get over it. Wow.
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Just wow.
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[Anon]
"...I guess..."
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[Stella]
"Oh come on, Anon! Fang coming over could be really nice, we could have a small party or something. Get drunk and stuff?"
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Raptor Jesus, who is this girl and what did she do with the real Stella? I'm so shocked by her question that my former worries disappear in an instant.
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[Anon]
"Seriously?"
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Her cheeks redden and she looks away with a bashful expression, accompanied by her trademark tail curl. Although, this time I'm sure it's from embarrassment.
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[Stella]
"Yeah um, I mean... Why not?"
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What, other than not being 21? And having an ex over, alongside the girl I've cheated with on said ex? And that I'm a huge autist trying to hide his powerlevel? Yeah, what could go wrong?
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Then again, I don't want to be the no fun allowed guy. Maybe we could even get Fang to open up a little.
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[Anon]
"Ffffffffffine. I know a place we could score some beer."
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Such are the perks of living in Skin Row.
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Truth be told, I'm getting cautiously amped here. Dare I say hyped? Getting shitfaced drunk with Stella sounds like one hell of a good time.
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Not the Fang part, but like... Yeah, we can figure that out too.
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* * *
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After replying some neutral sounding stuff to Fang we get a quick dip in as planned, playing around in the water. Next time we should bring a ball or frisbee or something.
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Sadly, my stall tactic proves fruitless as Stella keeps on keenly watching the time.
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Soon, we're back on the bus. Treading water all day has tired us out adequately, our bodies slumped together into an amorphous blob of scales and manflesh.
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It sounds dumb, but being pressed together and supported by eachother really makes it feels as if the "Stella and I" finally turned into "us".
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I'm not sure how to feel about that. It would be an outrageous lie to say that I'm not happy, but... It wasn't that long ago since I've thought the same about Fang. And in the end I...
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No. Let's not go down that road now. Let's just enjoy the feeling for what it is.
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I stroke Stella's hair gently, to which she replies with satisfied humming.
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[Stella]
"Did you have a good time, sweetie?"
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I chuckle at my new nickname, still sounding so foreign.
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[Anon]
"Yeah, it was nice I guess."
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[Stella]
"We can come again, if you'd like."
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[Anon]
"Sure, let's do that. Next week?"
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[Stella]
"Sounds like a date!"
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Her warm smile is all the reward I ever needed.
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We spend the rest of the ride exchanging pleasantries, and almost falling asleep. Luckily we don't forget to get off a few stops early to get da booze.
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I end up buying two six-packs. Should be more than enough for the three of us, even if we were to drink some of it this very evening. And I only need to pay an extra fifty percent, what a bargain!
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My worries regarding Fang return to haunt me, but they're short lived. Stella is keeping me plenty distracted.
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Especially as I awkwardly usher her into the dilapidated commie block that I call home, and up the stairs to my apartment.
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She doesn't comment on the water damaged walls that miss more than half of the wallpaper, nor the rats scurrying about in the hallway.
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I just hope she's not thinking about how to dump me with the least effort, now that she's seen my true colors.
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I can't really read her face. She looks serious, a little worried, maybe even a bit afraid. Still, she won't let go of my hand, for which I'm thankful.
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We reach my door in a minute or two. I open the multitude locks that miraculously haven't been cracked yet - or so I hope -, and let Stella inside.
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In here it's much nicer than the spartan misery that is the rest of the building. There's carpeting, windows that aren't broken, and even the cracks in the walls are limited to a minimum. This seems to put Stella at ease somewhat.
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She looks around the main room silently, peeking into the kitchen and bathroom, then returning to me.
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[Stella]
"It's not... That bad..."
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I can tell that she's trying to be nice on my behalf, and not show her pity.
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[Anon]
"Yeah, I know."
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I'm not really sure what to say, inspecting the room as if I saw it for the first time as well.
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[Anon]
"Are you going to leave?"
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[Stella]
"What?"
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[Anon]
"Now that you know I'm poor as fuck, are you gonna leave?"
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She looks genuinely surprised at the insinuation.
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[Stella]
"Anon, I-"
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She drops her basket, embracing me tightly and burrowing her head under my chin.
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[Stella]
"I had no idea that you have to live like this."
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[Stella]
"But that doesn't change anything. I still lo-"
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[Stella]
"...still like you."
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The fact that she almost said love doesn't escape me, causing my heartbeat to quicken.
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All my stupid fears about Stella seeing my living conditions, and there, her feelings for me might be stronger than I previously thought.
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Sounds like she's confused by that herself, but in all honesty, I'm glad that she's gotten more serious since our earlier escapades and isn't coming onto me like a drunk prom date anymore.
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I return the tight hug, kissing her forehead softly.
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We stay like that for a while, up until Stella loosens her embrace enough so she can look me in the eye.
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I expect her to say something, but instead she starts scanning the room, only content once she spots my bed.
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She looks back at me with a mischievous, coy smile.
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Oh god, she can't mean...
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Not that I wouldn't love to, well, love her, but the last time we tried didn't exactly go smoothly. Even if we discount being found semi-naked by Rosa the next morning. And everything that followed.
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[Anon]
"Are you sure it's a good idea?"
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[Stella]
"Come on sweetie, don't you want to fuck your bad bitch?"
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Her words are merely a whisper, if her face wasn't so close to mine I surely wouldn't have heard them. So much for that whole not-a-drunk-prom-date thing, but DAMN if it wasn't the hottest fucking thing anyone has ever said.
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Our lips and tongues find eachoter and all the exhaustion dissipates from our bodies, giving way to lust and desire.
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We stumble to the bed, very nearly falling over Stella's basket in the process. The passionate string of kisses pauses only for the shortest of seconds so we can gasp for air, like fish stranded on land.
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I make fast work of undoing her bikini top, eliciting a muffled gasp from her. Long were the days I waited for hot dino tiddy.
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I sit her down on the mattress, standing in front of her to take my shirt off. Past experience has taught me to get naked BEFORE getting on the bed.
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Taking one last look at her before I pull my shirt over my head, I can see her already making a beeline towards my stomach.
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Whilst I'm blinded by the fabric she plants a kiss just above my belt buckle, breathing hot air onto my skin.
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She then ventures lower, gently, ever so gently pecking at my growing member through my pants, covering it with more and more kisses.
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God fucking damn it Stella, you're driving me fucking crazy here!
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I toss my shirt aside, adrenaline and probably a dozen other hormones that I can't name buzzing around in my body, urging me to get my pants off posthaste.
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She giggles at my enthusiasm, reaching out with one hand so she can get to work as soon as I free the beast. With the other she traces a line from her mouth and in between her breasts, down to her nether regions.
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Looks like it's not only me that can't handle the tension.
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In a few moments, I stand before her stark naked. Well except for my socks cause I find that I both don't care and that it would be awkward to make her wait even more.
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She latches onto me almost instantly, tugging on it with a deliberately slow teasing motion as she guides me to her mouth.
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[Stella]
"So sweetie, what would you like me to do?"
​
She asks in a lewd tone, making very sure that her soft lips and tongue brush up against the tip as she speaks. She doesn't stop her slow jerking motion either, in fact, her grip tightens for a brief moment with every other stroke.
​
Well...
​
I know exactly what I would want her to do, but speaking it out loud is another matter entirely...
​
My already reddened cheeks draw a few shades deeper as I try to stutter as little as I can.
​
[Anon]
"I w-wantyou to s-suckmydick..."
​
So much for my confidence. I practically murmur the whole thing, half my words meshed together into a jumble of madness.
​
[Stella]
"Aww, I didn't catch that..."
​
She feigns a mock-surprised tone, again doing that thing with her lips touching me just slightly. This time her hand stops though, maybe that's her way of urging me on.
​
Of which I need little, albeit instead of words I use my own hands.
​
I move one hand to her chin, fixating her head in place and touching her lower lip with my thumb - that's a thing normal people do, right? With the other I grab my cock, making extra sure that I don't miss my target as I thrust forward slowly.
​
A soft moan escapes my lips. Oh god, this is fucking amazing...
​
I'm not really sure how deep I should go though. Like... Well she's not gagging on it, so that means it's okay, right?
​
With me in the lead Stella has closed her eyes already and I can't tell if she's being overwhelmed or not. How hard can it be to suck a dick?
​
For a second I consider jamming a few of my fingers down my own throat to see, but I realize that this might not be the right time to be retarded.
​
I decide that around half is good enough and release her head from my grip, instead pushing down on it in encouragement.
​
She takes her cue and soon wet slurping sounds fill the room, mixed with my sighs and moans.
​
Oh sweet baby Raptor Jesus, this girl is gonna kill me...
​
I take to inspecting the cracks on the ceiling to distract myself from the intense feeling lest I cut the fun short.
​
She probably has something like that on her mind too cause only rarely does she go down all the way, making our second time a lot different than the desperate sloppy blowjob she gave me on the roof.
​
I do notice, however, that she's using her long tongue to form a tight ring around my cock, which... Well honestly that's gross as fuck, but it feels way too nice for me to complain.
​
In any case I back off, pulling myself from her mouth with the loudest popping sound that I've heard yet. A long, heavy strand of saliva drops to the floor and my socks, making me wonder if it would have been better if I took them off when I had the chance.
​
[Stella]
"So, how was that?"
​
She gets up on her knees, making us more or less eye level. Also coincidentally putting my junk right under her palm, and she doesn't hesitate for a second to get to jerking me off again.
​
I feel outright pampered, embarrassed that I haven't pleasured her yet one bit.
​
In lieu of answering her, I go in for a kiss. Not a very deep one now that her mouth smells of my dick, but a pleasant one nonetheless. Furthermore I try using it as a distraction and push her down onto the bed, under me.
​
But uh, I didn't really consider the logistics of tails and other dino extremities. She tries her best to accommodate my advances, though ultimately we end up in an awkward half-squat thing straight out of a game of Twister.
​
[Stella]
"Could you um... Would you mind if I, uh--"
​
[Stella]
"Can I be on top? It's just..."
​
She lifts her tail in an explanatory manner, blushing cutely. It's amusing to see the contrast between her kinky side and the regular girly-girl Stella.
​
[Anon]
"Y-yeah, sure..."
​
I comply, letting go of her and laying down on the bed. She takes the opportunity to get rid of her drenched panties, straddling me afterwards.
​
Immediately I cup one of her perky breasts and we settle into a slow, passionate grind, not yet penetrating her. Somewhere along the way I get up on my elbow, allowing us to get locked in a kiss again.
​
Even though she was playing her bad bitch role earlier, I can tell that she's getting nervous. Her muscles tense up, her already rugged breaths cut short.
​
Wait. That's not being nervous. Is she actually--
​
I can't even finish the thought before her claws dig into my skin and she presses her mouth onto mine, challenging my tongue without a care that I may not enjoy the taste of my own cock. Her frame shudders and our movement get more and more erratic.
​
I ride the climax out with her, trying to make it as enjoyable for Stella as I can. Not that I have the slightest idea about what is helpful in this kind of situation and what isn't, I'm just doing what feels right. Which is, grabbing her ass.
​
She slows down after a few more seconds, slumping down onto my chest. Her lithe body seems to have finally run out of juice.
​
I hold her sweaty body close to mine, once again caressing her hair like on the bus earlier. My still hard member is pressed up between our warm bodies, which feels both nice and irritating cause I haven't got off yet.
​
Although currently I'm perfectly content feeling her scales on my skin, her heaving breath dancing around my neck. Having either of us come is a huge step up since our last attempt.
​
[Stella]
"Sh... Shit, Ano-n... You didn't..."
​
[Anon]
"It's okay."
​
[Stella]
"Ahh..."
​
She lets out a huge sigh, trying to get up but failing to do so.
​
[Stella]
"Ugh, I'm done."
​
We stay like for a couple of minutes, both to enjoy the feeling of post-coital closeness and to let Stella catch her breath.
​
The warmth of her body and its tender movement as her lungs expand with each breath, the strong beat of her heart, the scent of her hair... If I could I'd embed this memory so deep into my skull that even on my deathbed I'd remember it.
​
And yet somehow it all feels... Unearned? It's all too strange, too sudden.
​
I've gotten closer to Stella than anyone else in my life, both physically and emotionally. Still, there's this nagging feeling in the back of my mind, one that makes me question if this is what I really wanted. I couldn't recall a time I've felt happier, more whole, but...
​
It wasn't my choice, for things to end up like this. I know very well that I caused it, I let Stella close. Were I able to keep it in my pants that one evening, and probably I would still be with Fang. Maybe she'd be the one laying on top of me right now.
​
I try my best to banish these thoughts, returning to the present to my very real and loving girlfriend. Maybe us getting together happened for all the wrong reasons, but that doesn't mean that our feelings aren't real, or that this relationship isn't worth fighting for.
​
Stella is the first to let the moment end, rolling off of me with a sleepy yawn. I'm a bit disappointed for having been blue-balled, but it's not like this is the last time we're ever gonna have sex.
​
[Stella]
"C'mere."
​
She reaches for me, offering her behind for spooning. From this angle I can see that her usually neat buns have gotten loose, now arranged in a mess of sticky hair strands all over her back.
​
I shift to my side embracing her - carefully bending her back-plates away -, and slipping my semi-hard member between her buttcheeks, causing her to giggle.
​
Her tail curls up along one of my legs, which in return elicits a giggle from me. I pull her body as close to mine as I can, careful not to somehow hurt her back. I have little to no idea how flexible her plates are.
​
Slowly we drift to sleep, giving up on our plans to watch anime and get drunk.
​
* * *
​
The next day we wake around noon, still a little exhausted after our day at the beach and subsequent attempt at sex. Though after having skipped dinner, we couldn't just laze around all day.
​
We sluggishly crawl out of bed, but not before Stella offers a "good morning blowjob" to make amends for leaving me hanging yesterday. I pass on the opportunity, already too anxious about having Fang over today.
​
We cook up some breakfast from the very limited food supply that I keep in the fridge, scrambled eggs for both. Makes me wonder about dinos and eggs, but I don't bring it up.
​
I do note to myself though that I should really brush up on my dino anatomy, now that I'm getting intimate with one. Can't afford to be a liability.
​
Also, not that I ever came close to coming inside her, but I wouldn't want to accidentally knock her up. Does Stella know how that works? She didn't seem to care that we're missing protection.
​
Her voice tears me out of my inane daydreaming.
​
[Stella]
"I can't believe we missed yesterday's episode..."
​
[Anon]
"Nobody told you to go to sleep."
​
I tease her with a grin and shrug, to which she replies by sticking her tongue at me in mock anger.
​
She looks incredibly cute when annoyed, puffing her cheeks out. Her messy morning hairdo makes it all better too.
​
[Stella]
"Nobody told YOU to tire me out like that."
​
[Anon]
"Oh yeah? Well nobody--"
​
I can't finish my sentence, suddenly being pelted with pieces of scrambled eggs.
​
Oh, so that's how it is? Food fight, is it?
​
I flick a bigger piece towards her forehead, though missing my target completely.
​
[Anon]
"Didn't anyone teach you not to play with your food?"
​
She giggles, already shoveling more eggs onto her fork.
​
Our battle lasts for a few minutes, alternating between banter and using our respective forks as makeshift catapults. Once the table and surrounding floor is completely covered with bits and pieces of our breakfast we announce a truce, complete with a confirmation kiss and all that.
​
Stella graciously offers to clean up on the condition that I get to pirating the episode for her.
​
Sure, I can do that.
​
The plan is to watch it in the evening after Fang leaves, so we can tidy up the place till she arrives.
​
...I'm expecting more sexy bamboozles there, not that a choice between watching SAO and making love is a difficult one.
​
Still, my worries keep me distracted all day, up till three in the afternoon when Fang makes her appearance. It's VERY awkward at first, I'm not even sure if she knew Stella would be here.
​
I mean, I didn't explicitly tell her, but she was here most weekends too while we were dating.
​
After the initial hamming and hawing we settle into a good rhythm going through the science homework. Fang seems dedicated to solving the problems - despite me doing most of the work -, for which I am grateful.
​
Even after Stella brings out the drinks, things remain more or less normal. Just another hangout with friends.
​
It surely helps though that Stella is keeping the relationship drama to a minimum, we maybe kissed twice in all these hours, if that. Also that Fang and her kept their distance, sitting on opposing ends of my desk with me in the middle.
​
I can't not notice however, that as the bottles keep getting emptier, so the girls' tongues loosen. As if both of them tried to prove who "deserves" me, or simply who's better altogether.
​
After one particular exercise Fang goes out of her way to bolster how smart I am - though in her usual banter tone -, and subtly suggesting that I must be sooo lucky to have Stella who must be equally genius cause why else would I be with her.
​
Stella replies with something along the lines of a smart boy like me really does know how to choose the right partner, prominently grabbing my hand on the table in full view of Fang, who, afterall, isn't allowed to do that anymore.
​
I can't say that I'm a fan of being used as fodder, nor about the girls getting increasingly nasty to eachother. I try to laugh these off or otherwise distract the opponents, but the mental catfight keeps going on.
​
The worst came after Stella excused herself to the bathroom and Fang stood by my side as we started on the next problem.
​
She downs another bottle then scoots closer to me, running her pale arm along my shoulder and massaging it gently.
​
Now that's a big fucking red flag if I've ever seen one. I remain calm, er, try to at least, and focus on the paper on the desk.
​
Fang, as if nothing was going on urges me on. She's already slurring her words a bit, prompting me to send a prayer to whatever deity, semi-god, or saint to let today not end in a drunken brawl.
​
[Fang]
"Commonn dweeeeb, do your thannngggg."
​
I can faintly hear the bathroom door opening as Stella finishes with her business.
​
I move my sweating hand over the sheet, pencil in hand, when in a sudden motion Fang disappears from my side.
​
[Stella]
"YOU FUCKING BITCH!"
​
I turn around as soon as I can, unable to believe the scene my eyes report to my slightly drunk brain.
​
There's Stella, mad as fuck, pulling Fang backwards by her fucking wings, tearing feathers as she does.
​
Then there's Fang, surprised, trying to keep her balance as Stella shoves her against a wall.
​
Fuck, I didn't even know she had this much strength in her. Then again I've heard Rosa and her talk about how gardening builds muscle.
​
I shake the irrelevant thought from my head and rush towards the girls as the initial shock fades.
​
I grab onto Stella before she could further harm Fang, standing between the two of them. From the corner of my eye I see that Fang just barely manages to not fall flat on her ass, supporting herself on a shelf.
​
[Anon]
"Stella stop! What the fuck are you doing?"
​
She janks her hand away, stepping back. Her eyes are filled with rage, and I'm not sure anymore towards whom is it directed.
​
[Stella]
"Why are you taking her side Anon?! I am your girlfriend and not that slut!"
​
Before I could react Fang shoves me out of the way, stepping to Stella and poking her square in the chest with a finger. She's deadass mad too, yet she seems more collected than Stella. More shocked than angry.
​
[Fang]
"Who yyyou calling sluttt, sluttt? Immnotthe one to sssuck erry dick in the school then prannncce around breaking up relationships!"
​
She what? I-I refuse to believe that.
​
Stella slaps Fang's hand away, though before things could escalate further I pick them apart once again. I shoot Fang a serious stare directing her to keep her mouth shut, then turn to Stella.
​
[Anon]
"I'm not taking any sides, but why the fuck did you just do that?"
​
[Stella]
"Didn't you see that bitch oogling at you all night? OH! Or maybe you liked that?"
​
[Anon]
"Stella, she wasn't the only--"
​
[Stella]
"Then I come back, and she's all over you, and flipping me off behind you back!"
​
To emphasize her point she throws a middle finger right in my face.
​
[Fang]
"Whatthe fffuck r'you talking about? Fucking crazy peiccc of shittt!"
​
She tries to get to Stella again, who in return is already raising her fist.
​
And that's the point I decide that this shit ends. Right. Now.
​
I push Fang forcefully backwards with one hand, and grab Stella by her shirt with the other, dragging her to the door.
​
[Anon]
"We can talk about this tomorrow. You're drunk. Go home."
​
She fights me all the way, clawing at my chest and neck, but I don't waver. In the end her resistance turns to desperation, and she gives me the most heartbroken puppy eyes from the hallway before I shut the door on her.
​
[Stella]
"Anon, you have to believe me! Don't you trust--"
​
I slam the door in her face, fed up with the entire situation.
​
In the silence that follows I can clearly hear her beginning to cry, then run away. I seriously consider going after her, but I will not encourage or accept this kind of behavior.
​
Still, the pain in my chest is almost enough to cause me to tear up as well. My shoulders drop, my head bangs against the door.
​
I stay like that for a good minute or two, thinking about what I've done.
​
I hear footsteps behind me.
​
[Fang]
"Hey, you okay?"
​
Her voice is soft, and surprisingly clear. Not a single slurred vowel.
​
Oh no...
​
[Anon]
"No."
​
My voice is little more than a whisper, I can barely force the word out as-is.
​
Fang rests a hand on my clawed shoulder, but I barely register the pain.
​
[Fang]
"I'm sorry."
​
Sorry? How fucking sorry could she be after staging that fight?
​
I turn to her, furious.
​
[Anon]
"Are you?! I'm sure you must have enjoyed me throwing my own girlfriend out. Cause guess what?"
​
[Anon]
"You're."
​
[Anon]
"Not."
​
[Anon]
"It."
​
[Anon]
"Anymore."
​
With each word I stab a finger onto her forehead, as if I could imprint the thought in her brain.
​
She looks away with a pained expression, her wings deflating behind her back. The spots where Stella grabbed her are still clearly visible.
​
Even if she wanted to say something, I'm not giving her the chance. Instead I keep shouting in her face, blinded by white hot rage.
​
[Anon]
"How long were you planning this? Did you need to be such a bitch to her? Are you even drunk?"
​
I only stop the torrent of blame as I notice the ache in my shoulder. I run a few fingers over it, hissing as ache turns to a burning sensation.
​
[Anon]
"Fuck!"
​
Stella's fighting for the truth left its mark, her claws drew deep canals of blood all over my left shoulder and the side of my neck.
​
Fang notices it too, reaching for my arm gently.
​
[Fang]
"Let me help... Please..."
​
She's obviously fighting to keep her composure, but there's genuine worry in her voice. I really fucking don't care for any of that right now though. Truth be told, I consider tossing her ass out onto the street too.
​
Christ, just imagining Stella crying her eyes out in some dark alley is enough to twist the knife in my gut.
​
Instead of answering Fang I ask her one last question, more calm than before.
​
[Anon]
"Did you really flip her off?"
​
[Fang]
"-No."
​
There's an ever so slight pause, a brief moment of hesitation before her answer. If it was any shorter I'd swear that I imagined it.
​
The way it is though, I know that she's lying. The Stella I know would never pick a fight.
​
All of my remaining strength leaves my body, and with a groan I sit down on the desk. Whatever spine I thought I had up till today, it's gone.
​
I close my eyes, thinking about the situation. Even if I started looking for Stella now, right now, the chances of finding her are slim.
​
I could call her, but I doubt that she'd answer. It's not a conversation I'd have over the phone either.
​
I could- No. I SHOULD send Fang away, but... I just don't want to be alone.
​
[Anon]
"Fine..."
​
I motion for Fang to come help, taking off my bloodied shirt. Stella really did a number on me.
​
[Fang]
"Shit Anon, you're bleeding all over the place."
​
Well, she's not wrong. With my shirt off, blood is now flowing freely down my arm in thick crimson rivers, making a mess of the homework we just did.
​
I'm starting to feel a little lightheaded too.
​
[Fang]
"Fuck. Okay. To the bathroom, come on!"
​
She helps me up, supporting me with her shoulder.
​
These fucking dino girls are all stronger than they look.
​
We limp over to the bathroom, and Fang sits me down on the side of the tub.
​
[Fang]
"Stay like that."
​
[Anon]
"...Okay..."
​
I watch her go through my cupboards till she finds a first aid kit that I didn't even know I had.
​
She presses some gauze onto the biggest wound, causing me to flinch in pain.
​
[Fang]
"Sorry, sorry! Please stay still..."
​
She tries again, and I grit my teeth through the immense burning feeling as my exposed flesh rubs against the cloth. She quickly tapes it to my skin, then moves to another cut, then onto another, and so on.
​
My blood soaks through the first gauze after a few minutes. I try to remove it so Fang can put up fresh bandaging, but she pulls my hand away. Gently, but forcefully.
​
[Fang]
"No! Leave that. I'll put more over it."
​
Her clear expertise reminds me that her father is supposedly some police higher-up or something.
​
I look into the mirror, mutely following her movements. Some of the bigger cuts need double-wrapping too, but the bleeding stops after a while.
​
Once she's content with her work, Fang again goes over each wound, starting with the smaller ones this time.
​
She carefully cleans them with warm water one by one, seemingly not caring that her scales and arm-feathers are getting drenched with my blood.
​
Being in Fang's care reminds me of the times we spent in this flat, however few they were. Even with how bad the world got, there's some serenity in being alone with her. A silence that nobody needs to fill.
​
A certain spot in my heart aches for these times to return. But I know that I've gone way too far for that.
​
[Anon]
"I'm sorry."
​
[Fang]
"Huh, for what?"
​
She doesn't even look up from her work at first, her question is kinda absent-minded too.
​
Once she does, once she looks into my eyes I know that she understands what I mean.
​
We stay like that for a bit, neither of us speaking up. Me, sitting on the tub like the bleeding drunk idiot that I am, and Fang kneeling before me, the messy cloth in her hand, dripping with water and blood.
​
She's the first to look away, continuing her work.
​
[Fang]
"Before, I... I wanted you to see her for who she really is."
​
[Fang]
"You didn't know her for as long as I have. No guy could stand her for more than a month."
​
[Fang]
"...Not that many tried seriously anyway, they just wanted a good BJ or two."
​
[Fang]
"And she was dumb enough to give it to them."
​
Sucked all dicks in the school, huh? I still don't want to believe that, but I know that Fang wouldn't need to lie about it.
​
Stella confessed to me that she never really could find the right guy, I just... I didn't think it was that bad.
​
But...
​
[Anon]
"But then... Why did you let me go with her?"
​
[Fang]
"Anon, you..."
​
[Fang]
"You cheated on me. What was I supposed to do?"
​
There's no blame in her voice, she's just stating facts. It makes me feel terrible all the same.
​
Still, she doesn't stop tending to my cuts. She's probably finishing up soon, applying disinfectant and putting band-aids on the smaller ones, fresh layers of gauze on all the others.
​
Silence settles over us anew, only broken by the drops of water collecting on the floor.
​
Once she's done, Fang overviews her work with pride. I wouldn't say that I feel a lot better, but I probably would have fainted already if she didn't stop the bleeding.
​
She puts the first-aid kit aside, then sits beside me on the tub. She doesn't look at me, instead playing with one of her feathers fallen into a puddle of blood, pushing it around with her feet.
​
[Fang]
"Do you still wanna be with her?"
​
I give a dry chuckle.
​
[Anon]
"You think she'd still have me?"
​
[Fang]
"You think she'd find better?"
​
My knee-jerk reaction would be "yes", with how much of a dick I've been today. Seems like Fang is still singing my praises in face of everything that happened.
​
[Anon]
"I need to clear this stuff with her, then we'll see, I guess."
​
...
​
[Fang]
"I really didn't expect that you'd throw her out, you know."
​
[Anon]
"Yeah well, I'm not always the smartest guy."
​
[Fang]
"No, you really aren't..."
​
She finally looks at me, the slight hint of a smile on her face. The first genuine one I've seen for a while.
​
It warms the place where my heart would be, if only it wasn't already shattered to pieces, scattered to the wind.
​
For a second her hand hovers towards mine, and I can't find it in me to stop her or move away.
​
In the end she changes her mind, getting up from the tub.
​
[Fang]
"Alright Anon, I'll clean up here. Go, shoo!"
​
I think about saying something, or hugging her, kissing her. But I don't. Instead I oblige, leaving her to mop the various fluids from the floor.
​
She takes a quick shower afterwards. Part of me hopes that this means she'll stay the night, so seeing her return with clothes on turns my already foul mood that much more sour.
​
I escort her to the door, though we end up idling there for a while. I know that I don't want her to leave, and she probably doesn't want to go either.
​
But whatever we wanted our relationship to be, I've gone ahead and cut our options to zero.
​
With a sigh she moves on to the hallway, only turning back for a quick farewell.
​
[Fang]
"Take care, okay? I tried to patch you up, but you should definitely see a doctor."
​
[Fang]
"Wounds can heal, right?"
​
Before I could really process what she's implying she's already on me, planting one small kiss on my lips before jogging away.
​
Having drank so much and lost so much blood, I need a double-take to fully register what just happened, slowly closing the door as I do.
​
FUCK
​
FUCK ME
​
Not THIS shit again!
​
I look at my hands, already shaking up a storm.
​
God I... I can't deal with this right now.
​
I reach for the nearest bottle on the desk, the one Stella was drinking from I think, but in my hazed state I only manage to knock it off of the table.
​
[Anon]
"Fuck!"
​
I let the beverage seep into the carpet, and instead go for the very next opened bottle. This time I manage to grab it.
​
Immediately I bring it up to my mouth, chugging its contents down with loud gulps.
​
My thoughts are all over the place.
​
I'm simultaneously happy that Fang would still take a chance on me, ashamed that I want her to, fearful for what Stella might think - IF she didn't decide to dump me already -, and dreading having to make a decision about it at all.
​
Last time something like this happened it cost me my friends, cost me my girlfriend, my barely existent reputation, and very nearly ruined the rest of my life.
​
You'd think I learn from my mistakes...
​
As soon as the bottle empties I open another, downing it too. I'm spilling beer left and right, but I don't care.
​
Gathering up as much alcohol as I can, I make my way to the bathroom again. I really have to concentrate on what I'm doing, my vision slowly but surely losing its focus, the apartment spinning wildly around me.
​
I grab my phone too, on the off chance that Stella would call me.
​
Or if I need to call an ambulance.
​
After that I strip down to boxers only, and take residence in the still wet bathtub. Gonna need a shower in the morning anyway.
​
From there I proceed to drink myself unconscious, eager to drown out all remaining splinters of reason, guilt, and doubt.
​
* * *
​
[Reed]
"Fucking finally! Dude, I though this stupid class was never gonna end!"
​
I agree with the pink raptor's sentinment completely. Math might be an interesting subject - though not overly so -, but it can also drag on endlessly.
​
Truth be told, these last few minutes I was getting itchy feet, longing to meet with my dino gee eff already.
​
[Anon]
"Yeah, it was painful. See you tomorrow!"
​
[Reed]
"You already goin'?"
​
[Anon]
"Yea, got a date you know."
​
[Reed]
"Sweet! Good luck, man!"
​
He gives me a fist bump and a wink, grinning widely. I blush a little, opting to take my leave before anyone notices.
​
She's probably waiting for me by the gates. There are more lenient teachers than others, suffice it to say.
​
I push through the crowd of the freshly freed students, making my way to the entrace.
​
Just as I thought, a familair figure is waving at me already. Seeing her face lifs my mood greatly, and I find myself smiling like an idiot.
​
[Anon]
"Ready to go?"
​
I've agreed to walk her home, unsure of how that might end for me. Never easy, meeting with the parents.
​
We hug it up for a bit, making idle smalltalk about our days and such.
​
Soon we're out on the sidewalk, with cars flashing us by. I'm holding her hand, fingers intertwined.
​
I don't ever want to let her go, that's all I know. The look in her bright, lovely eyes suggests that she feels the same way.
​
Very gallantly I took on the burden of carrying her bag too. She fought me a bit on that, proclaiming that she can carry her own bag just right, though I suspect she secretely appreciates the gesture.
​
The two straps bite into my shoulder painfully, although it's a very mild pain. More annoyance than a real issue.
​
All about sacrifices, I am today.
​
A loud truck passes us by, covering the street in smoke. Wow, what an asshole.
​
Even after it's long gone we can still hear the buzz of its engine. Scrap that rusbucket already, geez!
​
We make a few jokes about the guy as we make our way to her neighbourhood.
​
I'm determined that no one will ruin my mood today. Luckily I have a stubborn companion to help with that.
​
Though as their door closes in on us I'm met with a sudden nervous feeling, practically sweating oceans.
​
The pain in my shoulder increases as well, to the point where I'm almost unable to walk straight.
​
She doesn't seem to notice, instead ushering me to the house.
​
Gosh, if her parents see me sweating and gouted like a drug addict that's certainly the end of my career as a boyfriend.
​
Nonetheless I place my hand on the doorknob-
​
Then suddenly the whole thing starts shaking violently! Buzzing exactly like that car from earlier.
​
Is it possible that he's back, trying to run us over from behind?
​
For some reason I can't even let go of the door, my shoulder painfully reverberating in rhythm with the resonant sound.
​
It's so god damn painful, I can hardly even breathe. Any second now I'll be gone, killed by some redneck.
​
Certain that I will die I look at my girlfriend, taking in her form one last time.
​
If only she knew how much she means to me, if only I could tell her...
​
I...
​
I don't want to go...! I don't want to die!
​
I know that I'm an utter failure of a coward, but don't want to--
​
* * *
​
I'm awoken by a relentless metallic buzzing sound, echoing through my very soul.
​
Ugghh, what the fuck is even...
​
Bits and pieces of my dream flash over my eyes, fading fast. The only thing that remains is the pain.
​
Once I manage to orient myself and coax the room into stopping with the fucking spinning, I find out that I've fallen asleep on my injured arm, crushing it under my body.
​
Raptor Jesus, this is fucking painful.
​
I try to move, but it's easier said than done. I feel like I've been beaten to half to death...
​
No, entirely to death.
​
Fucking hell, how long have I been laying like that? My entire arm is asleep.
​
For a few seconds I'm afraid that I've lost so much blood that I've fucked up the circulation somehow, but slowly, very slowly I'm starting to feel pins and needles.
​
The pain in my shoulder increases tenfold, making me wish that I actually died for real.
​
The buzz that I didn't even notice was gone returns momentarily, its shrill sound cheerfully reminding me that physical pain isn't even the worst of it, the headache is where it's really at.
​
I try to locate the source, only to find my phone on the other side of the tub that I'm apparently sitting in.
​
What the fuck?
​
I try reaching it with my feet, but I can't quite make it, the stupid device has wedged itself on the other side of the plug. The fact that I can barely coordinate my movement might also have something to do with it.
​
Thankfully the noise stops on its own.
​
With great relief I slump back into my impromptu seat, muttering a thankful prayer to some nondescript higher power for not yet killing me.
​
After a minute or so I try again, stretching myself to the absolute limit. This time I manage to fling it towards me, and soon I'm able to grab it with my hand. Then I realize I could have just laid down flat and reach it without any issues.
​
Whatever. I'm content with just existing for now.
​
Could do with a less painful existence though.
​
I check on my phone, hissing and squinting my eyes as it lights up. Slowly I make sense of the jumbled sea of letters, in the end having to close one eye.
​
It's around ten AM. There are a couple of missed calls from Stella.
​
Instinctively I'm hit by a feeling of dread which surprises me, and I figure that it's time to make sense of my situation.
​
Okay, I'm hangover and in the tub. I guess I wanted me to be close to water when I get up...
​
No! I'm certain that I reasoned that I will need a shower. Was I going somewhere? Is Stella calling me cause I'm sleeping through a date?
​
I cautiously check the screen again - no messages.
​
I try to straighten my back a little, which only causes pain to once again shoot through my shoulder.
​
Fuck!
​
God, this hurts so bad!
​
I double over, grabbing my aching parts tightly.
​
Mids the agony of course the damn phone starts ringing again, thankfully in my hand instead of on the metal sheet this time.
​
Seeing Stella's face plastered on the screen allows my brain to connect the dots, finally pushing me over the edge. At first I only remember that Stella was the one to claw me, then the how and the why as well, then all that followed, and at last, all that happened previously.
​
The weight of my fuckup settles over my soul with renewed vigor. My chest tightens, but now at least I'm motivated enough to answer her call.
​
I wait a handful of seconds for the pain to subside, but not for long enough that she'd end the call.
​
[Anon]
"Yeah?"
​
I can barely produce the word, my throat dry like parchment.
​
She doesn't answer immediately, probably too surprised that I've even picked up.
​
[Stella]
"Can you meet?"
​
I sit up with a groan, fumbling around with my injured side. It takes a bit till I'm able to speak into the phone again.
​
[Anon]
"Yeah, uh... What's up?"
​
[Stella]
"We need to talk."
​
Ugh... That's just great.
​
I start massaging my temples with an irritated sigh.
​
[Anon]
"Is it gonna be a date?"
​
I'm not really sure why I asked that. No way she isn't calling me to just break up.
​
She doesn't answer for so long that I have to check if she's dropped the call already, nearly missing her next words.
​
[Stella]
"...Yeah."
​
Well, what do you know? Maybe it's not over afterall.
​
[Stella]
"Meet me at the park in an hour, okay? The one next to the school?"
​
[Anon]
"Uh-huh, I know where that is."
​
[Stella]
"Alright, bye."
​
She doesn't wait for my reply.
​
* * *
​
In the one hour Stella has given me I can just barely scrape myself together. A shower is out of the question, so I just chug a liter of water in one go, then rush to the nearest bus stop. With today being a Sunday, I'll probably be at least twenty minutes late. Fucking bus schedule.
​
I consider calling a cab, but vomiting in one probably isn't cheap. Also, they don't usually pick up people from Skin Row.
​
For a while I think about what Stella might plan to say, but more importantly what I should say - other than an apology or two.
​
Funnily enough, every time I get to something decently coherent, images from my dream flood my mind. I don't even remember most of it, only that I was like, on a date with Stella or something.
​
Or was it Fang?
​
However hard I try, I can't pinpoint which girl it might have been. Only a vague female shape.
​
What I'm sure of is that I felt pretty happy. Comparing my current mood to it would be night and day.
​
At least the heat is gone. The overcast sky and heavy wind have done their magic.
​
Eventually my ride arrives and I need to halt my thought process in favor of concentrating on not dying.
​
An excruciating half hour later we roll in at the stop I use on schooldays and I can finally disembark from this chariot of pain. By now my gut has twisted up into a tight knot, the feeling of impending doom looming heavily over me.
​
The park is just on the other side of the school building.
​
I quickly check on my phone. I'm fairly certain that I didn't feel it buzzing in my pocket, but it's not like I'm a hundred percent lucid anyway.
​
There it is, a missed call. It's probably Stella being impatient.
​
Wait, no... It's from Fang. I've missed it only by a few seconds.
​
Oh god, not now...
​
I hit up messaging to tell her to back off, but as I do I'm greeted by the dancing ellipsis, signaling that she's currently typing a message.
​
Fuuuck, there's no way this is gonna be any good. Why now?
​
Whhhyyyyy?
​
I'm having a slight mental breakdown over here, noticing that my breathing is picking up fast, same as my heartbeat.
​
She stops writing, probably catching onto the fact that I'm online.
​
A second or so later she continues, seeing that I'm not writing anything. In my present state of mind though, even these seconds feel like hours.
​
The better half of a minute passes, then I'm greeted by a wall of text.
​
[Fang]
"You okay? I tried calling but you're probably still asleep, weakass dweeb. >:V Anyway, I'm here if you want to talk, okay? I'm free all afternoon so maybe we could meet? I'm in the school rn cause I'm in detention and Rosa was busy yesterday lol Reed probably had a good time."
​
IN THE FUCKING SCHOOL
​
OH GREAT
​
SO SHE CAN HEAR STELLA SHOUTING MY HEAD OFF
​
GOD
​
FUCK
​
SHIT
​
STEALTH MODE ENGAGE
​
...
​
That is, I stay exactly where I was, shaking.
​
Fuck.
​
I've never ever seen her capitalize or punctuate her messages. No wonder it took so long to type up.
​
And she wants to meet. Of fucking course.
​
...
​
Then it dawns on me.
​
Stella was busy yesterday too. She's probably here for the very same fucking reason, to watch over the students in the garden.
​
H-have the two met already? Did they fight again? Did Fang tell her about the kiss or that I nearly had to go to the fucking hospital?
​
So many questions and possibilities flood my hangover mind that I almost blackout on the spot.
​
I stumble to the nearest bench, supporting myself on it before I could collapse.
​
I close my eyes.
​
Breathe. Slowly. Evenly.
​
...
​
Fucking hell, I wasn't looking forward to this in any way, shape, or form, but now it's gotten all fucked up complicated.
​
Okay.
​
Okay.
​
Calm down.
​
I have to find Stella and listen to whatever she has to say.
​
Then I'll just fucking kill myself I guess, granted she won't kill me first.
​
Well no, not really, but it doesn't matter what happens after that.
​
Hell, might as well meet with Fang so I can tell her to get the fuck away from the lifesucking abyss that is me.
​
Then I'll just live my life out in solitude.
​
As if signaling its agreement, the wind picks up, urging me towards the garden.
​
I stay still for another moment, opening my eyes.
​
I'm not sure if it's a cruel joke of the gods or fate or whatever, but I recognize the bench as the one my relationship with Fang practically started on...
​
* * *
​
[Fang]
"Hey, so, whatcha doing this afternoon?"
​
[Anon]
"Huh? Dunno, play some games probably."
​
I pass the cigarette back to her, its nicotine driven pleasure numbing my head.
​
We're sitting on the bench, ditching class like a pair of delinquents should. Science? Maybe it was PE.
​
Not yet dating, barely associating as is. We've maybe talked a few times in detention and in music class, all courtesy of Naomi of course.
​
Still, I've found that of all the pastel-colored dinos here, Fang was the most tolerable, when she wasn't going on about that enbie business. I guess she felt the same way about me and my cavemen kin.
​
As such, we started talking on our own, sharing bits and pieces of each day together.
​
It must have been only a few weeks since my transfer, and my plan to remain invisible was going mostly okay.
​
I'd talk with Fang and her crew, Reed and Trish, and with the girls that led the gardening club - what with being in detention so much for using the school bandwith to torrent all my stuff - but really that was it.
​
[Fang]
"Wanna come over to my place?"
​
I clearly remember freaking out at her question.
​
Never in the history of anything has a girl asked me over. I've had absolutely no grasp on the situation, very nearly declining out of sheer fear.
​
But then I figured... Yeah, why not?
​
I kinda enjoyed her company, so what was the worst that could happen?
​
I didn't consider the possibility that she'd want anything romantic to do with me, more like she was bored of school and didn't want to be alone.
​
As it happened, her parents weren't home at the time, allowing us for a more... Intimate afternoon.
​
We didn't kiss or anything like that, but it was my first time alone with a girl nonetheless. She showed me her guitars and stuff, we ate some munchies, and shared a couple more cigarettes.
​
I remember how flustered I used to be about indirectly kissing through the cigarette butts.
​
Those were the times, so much simpler.
​
In the following weeks we'd meet more and more, sometimes at her place and sometimes at mine. Other times we'd go see a show.
​
We've never officially announced these occasions as dates, and only rarely would we even hold hands.
​
But there was something, some unspoken force of attraction that we both knew was there.
​
Maybe for Stella I was only a bunch of filled checkboxes, the right man in the right place, but with Fang... Back then it really felt like we were meant to be.
​
We didn't want to see one another for the prospect of a quickie in the sheets or a hefty makeout-session, it was more like... We saw eachother because it felt right.
​
There were things we knew nobody else could - or would - understand, and yet it was so natural to share with the other.
​
At least the happy and mundane things were.
​
I never did tell her why I transferred, or why I wanted to be left on my own at times.
​
I never wanted to meet her parents or try with Naser. ...Or Trish.
​
I never wanted to commit.
​
I did enjoy my time with her, truly I have, but...
​
After so many years of only relying on myself, I couldn't open up. I didn't even consider if we should get closer to eachother, it simply felt so comfortable to have a friend, a girl friend, that I could turn to when I wanted to.
​
Only now do I realize how much I took Fang for granted, and that I've never really put any effort into building the relationship towards anything...
​
How much did I hurt her by doing that, I wonder.
​
She had to see me day to day, keeping up a smile, all the while knowing that the one person that might feel her equal still doesn't give a shit about her, not enough to go the distance anyway.
​
...
​
Maybe Stella was right, back then on the rooftop.
​
If I wanted to be with Fang then I would have fucking WANTED to be with Fang.
​
But I didn't.
​
* * *
​
I check my phone one last time, turning it off afterwards. Wouldn't want my mom calling in the middle of the big emotional speech.
​
Not that she would.
​
Not that anyone from my family would.
​
As opposed to my fresh victims here in Volcaldera, they know better than to associate themselves with me.
​
Trying to clear my mind of all thoughts and emotions I slowly round the school building, eyes scanning the periphery for Stella.
​
I finally spot her standing near another bench, holding an ice pack to her head and tapping with her feet impatiently. Her tail is swinging like a pendulum.
​
It doesn't take much to figure out that she's clearly frustrated. Talk about your hangovers.
​
Thankfully, Fang is nowhere to be seen. Maybe we can do this properly at least.
​
We can sort this out if it's just the two of us, right?
​
As soon as Stella sees me her eyes narrow, motioning at me angrily with the icepack. It reminds me of a certain other botanist dino and her shoe.
​
[Stella]
"YOU!"
​
Oh fuck.
​
[Stella]
"You don't write, you don't call! I've been waiting for over half--"
​
She cuts herself off with a loud yelp, probably noticing the bandaging on my neck. Dropping the tough girl routine along with the ice, she runs up to me and gets up on her tippy-toes, trying to peek under my shirt to assess the extent of the damage.
​
[Stella]
"Gosh, Anon! Wha-- What happened? Did Fang do this?"
​
What?
​
[Anon]
"Stella... You did this."
​
I try to omit any and all blame from my voice.
​
I can't be angry at her for trying to stop me from making a mistake afterall. She could have been less rough about it, but eh, we were drunk.
​
Stella steps back, covering her mouth with both hands. Her expression is one of pure shock.
​
She seriously doesn't remember?
​
[Stella]
"Christ, Anon, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to-"
​
I raise my hands in a gesture of peace, trying to get her to calm down.
​
[Anon]
"It's fine. I'll be okay. And um..."
​
[Anon]
"I know that-- I just-- I should have listened to you."
​
[Anon]
"I'm sorry."
​
I'm doing an awful lot of apologies lately.
​
I only manage to look her in the eye for a fraction of a second before having to look away, willingly subjecting myself to whatever punishment. The least I deserve is her cutting ties with me and moving on with her life. Maybe a slap for good measure.
​
[Stella]
"Anon I..."
​
[Stella]
"Let's sit down, okay?"
​
She grabs my hand tenderly, turning back to the bench.
​
Even this simple motion confuses me greatly, and it takes considerable effort to put one foot in front of the other.
​
Why is she doing this? If she wants to dump me then just go on with it.
​
But why is she taking my hand then? She... She can't consider us still a couple, right?
​
Not after the way I treated her.
​
A feeling that I can't even describe spreads around my chest, making it hard to breathe and almost impossible to not cry like a baby.
​
It's this simultaneous pang of hope, ever so fragile yet so strong, combined with the fatigue of knowing that I have to keep going. That the battle is not yet over. All shrouded within a fog of uncertainty.
​
All I know is that I don't want to be cynical and apathetic anymore. I want to go out fighting tooth and nail, I want to prove that I'm the right one for her, that I'd rather want her to forgive me than let me go because...
​
Because I don't want to let her go.
​
I want her to hold my hand and not let go, not today, not tomorrow, and not ever!
​
Still, I know that I wouldn't deserve any of it.
​
As soon as we get to the bench and sit down...
​
As our bodies touch like it was any other day spent in the park...
​
As her hands gently cradle mine and her tail slowly makes its way up on her leg...
​
As I look into her eyes and see the love and care that I've got to experience these past few days...
​
I just lose it. Completely.
​
Heavy tears well up in my eyes and I can just scantly stifle my initial wail. I turn away from Stella and hide behind one of my hands.
​
I can barely make out her worried gasp between my sobs, her hands retreating.
​
[Anon]
"So-- S-- I'm s--"
​
I want to tell her that I'm sorry, but I can't even force a single word out.
​
She's clearly acting like she wants us to solve this, to move past this as a couple should and I...
​
I've already gone ahead and kissed another girl.
​
I can feel her hugging me, the warmth of her body covering mine.
​
[Stella]
"Shh, Anon! It's fine, it's gonna be all right!"
​
[Stella]
"I'm not THAT mad, okay? I did some bad stuff too so..."
​
[Stella]
"At least I didn't get into a real fight, right? Imagine if I had a blackeye right now, haha!"
​
God, her innocent naivete is only making it worse. Of course she doesn't know about Fang and me, how could she?
​
Then again...
​
THEN
​
AGAIN
​
How could she?
​
A terrible idea crosses my mind. Stella doesn't NEED to know.
​
Okay, maybe about the kiss. Not like that's my fault, I didn't make Fang do it.
​
I could keep my feelings secret, and...
​
My hands curl up into fists, knuckles whitening. I'm angry- No. I'm DISGUSTED that after all that has happened, I still would turn to a lie than to trust anyone.
​
Where would this even lead me? More secrecy with Fang? Fucking up another relationship and hurting the girl I care for the most? The one who's still willing to be with me? To love me?
​
No. I will not be that guy anymore.
​
I know that I couldn't do it all on my own, that I would crumble under the stress of a confession and escape through the first loophole that I could find, so... There's only one solution here.
​
I take a couple of deep breaths, forcefully shutting the tears off and straightening my back.
​
Then, I turn back to Stella with a serious expression.
​
Only a single sentence, all I need to do is tell her that there's more to it, that there's something I want to trust her with.
​
Christ, why is this so hard?
​
My lips tremble as I open my mouth and I can just barely hold myself back from another outburst.
​
A few more breaths, right on the verge of hyperventilating.
​
[Anon]
"That's..."
​
THAT'S IT WE CAN GO HOME
​
THAT'S RIGHT WE'RE GONNA BE A HAPPY COUPLE
​
THAT'S NOT A REAL FIGHT WOW STELLA
​
LIE, ANON, LIE AND IT CAN BE OVER
​
SHE'S THE ONE TO BLAME
​
THEY BOTH ARE
​
[Anon]
"That's not..."
​
NOT WRONG YOU'RE RIGHT STELLA WE CAN BE HAPPY
​
NOT GREAT BUT NOT TERRIBLE HAHA WHAT A JOKE
​
C'MON ANON, YOU CAN LIE YOUR WAY OUT
​
THERE'S NOTHING BUT PAIN TO BE FOUND HERE
​
[Anon]
"...not all."
​
...
​
...
​
...
​
Finally, the voice in my head goes silent.
​
I can only just hold back a dumb grin, so happy that I could say it.
​
It's not over, not by a longshot, but I've finally proven to myself once and for all that... That, uh... I don't even know. But by Stell's side, I can be more than I am now. I can grow, and I can find happiness. And I can do it because I want to, for her.
​
It's up to her now to help me see it through.
​
[Stella]
"What do you mean?"
​
She looks at me confused, unsure of what to expect. For all she knows I could have slept with Fang after she left.
​
I grab her hand tight, looking for anything to keep my sudden burst of confidence from dissipating. Steeling myself for what is to come, I speak again.
​
[Anon]
"After you left... Fang uh... I..."
​
[Anon]
"I didn't send her away."
​
Her face clouds, pain written all over it.
​
[Stella]
"What happened?"
​
[Stella]
"Did you...?"
​
I shake my head, earning a relieved sigh from Stella.
​
I can't fault her for assuming the worst here, not at all.
​
[Anon]
"No. She helped patch me up."
​
I motion towards my shoulder, then continue.
​
[Anon]
"We talked for a bit... About stuff..."
​
...
​
[Stella]
"And?"
​
There it is. The big one.
​
With the dam cracked it was easy to keep going, but it's time now to tear it all down. To let the truth flood forward.
​
And yet I can't bring myself to do it.
​
Stella seems to notice my trouble, offering her own question.
​
[Stella]
"You didn't just talk, right?"
​
[Anon]
"No..."
​
I more mouth the word than actually say it, shaking my head. My face contorts into a pained grimace, as if someone physically punched me.
​
There's no turning back now.
​
[Stella]
"You kissed her?"
​
[Anon]
"No, she... She kissed me. Right before leaving."
​
[Anon]
"Stella I-I couldn't have stopped her, I was drunk and--"
​
[Stella]
"But you're not angry at her."
​
She's not looking at me anymore, probably already guessing my answer.
​
...
​
No more lies.
​
[Anon]
"No."
​
It takes her quite a while to process the weight of my words and I'm left to silently observe the subtle changes that befit her.
​
First, her eyes move to her hand, the one that I'm still holding onto for dear life. She flinches a little, immediately searching for something else to look at. It proves to be her icepack, sitting in the grass where she dropped it.
​
A little after that her lips stiffen, as if she consciously had to restrain herself from speaking. She probably doesn't want to make a hasty decision, or she's still looking for the right words.
​
Her grip on my hand tightens for a brief fraction of a second, but then she'd pull away if only I would let her. I can feel her muscles tensing up, but she allows me to keep touching her.
​
Her chest expands and deflates with heavy breaths, which I take as a sign that she has to put effort into appearing calm. I guess not everyone wears their emotions on their sleeves like I do - at least when it's not about cheating.
​
I really do wonder what's going on inside her head.
​
She couldn't very well blame me for having feelings for Fang, given that Stella was the one to butt her head into the relationship to begin with. It doesn't stop me from feeling like a piece of shit about it, I just... I don't know, it feels different in her case.
​
What she could do is to blame herself for not being "good enough" to make me forget about Fang, but that's just retarded.
​
Then there's always the chance that she would worry about me turning her into Fang 2.0 in my head, trying to fill a space with the next best thing. Which, well, I hope I'm not. I don't think so at least.
​
...
​
I don't think we're going to solve this here and now.
​
Right as the thought crosses my mind another follows, one that I feel surprisingly proud about.
​
[Anon]
"Hey, so um--"
​
[Stella]
"Shh!"
​
She hushes me with an irritated frown, but I don't give in. I want to really fucking seriously not fuck this up, and I know that we're both full of emotion, pissed off hangover, and socially inept anyway.
​
[Anon]
"No! Listen!"
​
She doesn't turn to me, but she doesn't shut me up again. That's gonna do, I guess.
​
[Anon]
"How about you go back to oversee the students or whatever, calm down, and talk this through with Rosa?"
​
I was pretty sure that I'm calling the right shots here, but seeing Stella's lips press into a thin line makes me reconsider.
​
[Anon]
"A-and I could go meet Fang... To like, you know, make her back off... And s-stuff...?"
​
Her brows furrow and she jerks her hand away from me, getting up from the bench in an instant.
​
[Stella]
"Why is it ME, that needs to calm down? Why AM I the one that needs to talk to someone?!"
​
All the pent up rage she's been suppressing is let out at once, her voice just below shouting-level.
​
[Stella]
"But YOU! You can cheat, you can lie, you can throw me out and expect a date the next day, and I should still let you go see that bitch?"
​
[Anon]
"Stella, I only want--"
​
[Stella]
"You want what?! Me to suck your cock until you're bored with me, then go straight back to that stupid fucking-- Ahh!"
​
She lets out a weary sigh directed towards the heavens, reaching to her back pocket.
​
Oh fuck, am I getting shot?
​
Instead of a gun, she pulls out a well worn-out deck of tarot cards.
​
[Stella]
"You know what I did while waiting for you? I did a reading."
​
[Stella]
"And then another, and I shit you not, three more. You know why?"
​
...
​
[Stella]
"I kept getting arcana that suggest we should break up now, and I..."
​
What?! She can't seriously base that decision on fucking tarot cards.
​
[Stella]
"I didn't want to accept that. All these fucking shits, and I didn't want to believe them..."
​
She throws a handful of cards at me, their intricate images dancing before my eyes.
​
Then she--
​
She--
​
I refuse to believe what I'm seeing as she starts tearing up the remaining cards, directing her anger towards them. I'm way too stunned to try and stop her.
​
With each card she destroys her shoulders shake, looking like she wants to cry but just can't.
​
It breaks my heart to see her like this, but not as much as her next line.
​
[Stella]
"...Because I wanted to believe in YOU!"
​
She gets to the last card right as her outburst ends, tearing it in half with one swift motion and throwing the pieces in my lap.
​
With her stamina spent her body nearly collapses, fragile like reeds in the wind. I've never seen her this vulnerable, not even after her fight with Rosa.
​
I'm unable to form any response, left sitting on the bench dumbstruck.
​
[Stella]
"...But I can't..."
​
[Stella]
"...You're just like all the rest..."
​
She practically whispers that last part, more to herself than to me. Still, her words hit me square in the chest.
​
I expect her to run away, but it seems like she doesn't have enough strength to even do that. She's cradling her arms together, looking down at the ground and watching the wind pick up the cards by her feet.
​
I reach out for her, slowly.
​
[Anon]
"Stella, I..."
​
Hearing my voice causes her to flinch again, looking up at me with reddened eyes - yet she still can't produce a single tear.
​
Now that I've got her attention, I just have to figure out what to say.
​
I want to tell her that I'm sorry, that it's gonna be okay because I won't stop until it is.
​
That I might have been a dipshit liar till now, but for her I can change, that I AM changing. I'm not like the others that dumped her after a bout of merry fun, cause I don't even know what I'd do without her.
​
That I want to her to be all that matters in the world, my infallible reason.
​
That I love her.
​
[Anon]
"I've never wanted any of this, but--"
​
I can't finish my sentence, her palm connecting to my face in one forceful motion. The slap disorients me, sending my head hurdling to the side.
​
[Stella]
"Fuck you, Anon!"
​
This time, once the ringing in my ears stops I can hear the footsteps as she runs away.
​
I realize that my choice of words probably wasn't the best, making her not hearing me out cruelly unfair, a mistake that I should hastily correct.
​
And yet...
​
Sitting here covered with pieces of cards, pieces of Stella's life that she once held so dear... I can't...
​
If it wasn't for me, she could be her happy girly self. The weird occult weeb stego.
​
But now that I've intervened, now that I tried to be part of her life it's all ruined.
​
I can't help but remember the first time she invited me to her dorm room and her bed, right before that fateful kiss, how excited she was for her shitty anime. Her legs running a treadmill through the air, her inane ramblings about whatever character she liked, her shrieking into that huge plushie once the episode was over.
​
Now that will turn into her sitting by a desk in a tired stupor, scrolling whatever forums to find the best illogical critique to all the newest series before they even air, shitting on them to make herself feel better. Her passion gone, and not ever would she share an interest with anyone, fearing that they'd hurt her for it. Afterall, the one person who actually did care caused her the most hurt...
​
I've successfully turned her into me.
​
I don't deserve to love her.
​
Why do I have to just fuck up everything I touch? Couldn't I do something right for once?
​
Some unknown force compels me to reach for the last card Stella tore up, as if I could find the answers there.
​
...
​
Even with my limited amount of knowledge about tarot - all thanks to Stella, naturally - I recognize the card as The Lovers. Of course.
​
I give a dry chuckle, throwing the pieces of paper to the ground among the rest. I entertain the thought that if Stella decided to look at it instead of splitting it in half, then we'd still be together, however I know that it's wishful thinking.
​
No, I alone caused this.
​
[???]
"Sup, loser?"
​
A familiar voice comes from behind the bench.
​
Oh, she just had to show up. It wouldn't have been complete otherwise.
​
[Anon]
"Leave me alone."
​
I try to sound menacing, but end up simply sounding tired.
​
Fang rounds the bench kicking up a few cards, amused.
​
[Fang]
"She didn't take it well, then?"
​
Her careless tone stirs something inside me, fists clenching.
​
She sits beside me in a relaxed pose, running her arm behind me.
​
[Anon]
"Leave me alone."
​
I repeat in a whisper, though this time with a low growl.
​
[Fang]
"What was that? ...Well anyway, imma ditch the rest, wanna get out of here? Do you have any beer left?"
​
I cannot fathom how she can be this nonchalant, seeing me in this state. Does she think after that kiss I'm all hers again?
​
That I didn't just have a painful breakup?
​
She elbows me in the side playfully.
​
[Fang]
"C'mon dweeb, we could--"
​
[Anon]
"Leave me. The FUCK. ALONE!"
​
I shout at her, grabbing her by wings much the same as Stella did, throwing her off of the bench. I stand up with her, my body shaking with fury. All the cards that were resting upon my legs fall to the ground, not that I care in the least.
​
No.
​
It wasn't me.
​
I didn't fuck up. Not this time.
​
I KNEW that Fang coming over was no good. Homework bull-fucking-shit, it was never about that.
​
She had to know Stella was at my place cause of her detention. Hell, Fang herself confessed that they couldn't do the gardening yesterday with the girls being busy.
​
SHE was the one who stirred the pot. SHE was the one who couldn't let me go. SHE had to bring up Stella's past.
​
She never cared if I found my happiness, not if it wasn't with her. And she clearly never cared about Stella, whom I just happen to care for. A lot.
​
Never once in my life have I raised a fist at a woman - let alone anyone -, but I'm seriously considering it now.
​
Seems like Fang finally got the message, standing perfectly still before me.
​
Good. I don't want to listen to another word coming out of her mouth.
​
[Anon]
"GO!"
​
She stares back at me, first in defiance, though slowly her expression changes to pain and desperation.
​
[Fang]
"Anon, p-please, don't do this..."
​
[Fang]
"I've only wanted what's best for you, that slut isn't--"
​
[Anon]
"Call her a slut again I FUCKING DARE YOU!"
​
My voice rumbles in a way that I didn't know was possible. Like thunder. Fang is taken aback as well.
​
As if directed by some higher force, the clouds above chose this exact moment to let go of their burden, a heavy storm covering the area in mere seconds. I can hear the students whining and screaming over by the garden, running for shelter.
​
The two of us stay standing however, the raging of the elements little bother compared to the battle of emotions. Our clothes get drenched fast, and I can feel the bandages on my shoulder loosen.
​
Fang is the first to speak, shouting over the wind and rain.
​
[Fang]
"I'm the only one that ever cared for your sorry ass!"
​
[Fang]
"I let you do whatever you wanted, I let you handle me like an accessory, and only asked that you love me in return!"
​
[Fang]
"Was that so much to ask? Do I not deserve happiness?!"
​
[Fang]
"I'm not going to let that SLUT take you away!"
​
Her deliberate use of the word angers me greatly, but what she says is...
​
I know that I wasn't a good partner to her. Yet there's no excuse for what she's done.
​
[Anon]
"I'm sorry that I couldn't be there for you."
​
[Anon]
"I'm sorry that I couldn't love you!"
​
[Anon]
"But I can't!"
​
[Anon]
"And I never will!"
​
Whereas Stella's slap was more ladylike, Fang decks me straight in the jaw. I take the punch with as much dignity as I can, but still stumble backwards.
​
I wasn't at all prepared for the next one though, and not for the one after that.
​
Fang lays a series of blows over my face and chest, even after I fall to my knees. A few of them hit my injured shoulder as well, each time painting my vision darker.
​
Right as I feel the last fragments of my strength slip away she stops, though I barely register it.
​
There's shouting. Fang and someone else. No, two others.
​
[???]
"Fang, stop! What the hell are you doing?"
​
[Fang]
"Get away from me! LET GO OF ME!"
​
[???]
"Somebody help him! Rápido!"
​
I-is that Rosa? And Reed?
​
I try to raise my head, just now noticing that I'm not even on my knees anymore but laying flat in the mud.
​
All I can make out is a bunch of dino legs making their way towards us, then it all goes black.
​
* * *
​
Getting beat up fucking sucks.
​
I awake in an unfamiliar room, which at first I assume to be inside a hospital - from the bed alone that I'm currently occupying. On second glance, however, I figure that it must be the school nurse's office.
​
The room is quite small, maybe two meters across, three or four meters wide. Besides the bed there's a desk by the door, several cabinets, and medical supplies all around. The usual posters as well, cautioning me to eat five times a day and not to forget exercise. All of them show dinos doing various activities, which is an odd disconnect from my old school.
​
It reminds me how far I've come since then, which in turn then reminds me that my circumstances might have changed, but I'm still the same dipshit I've always been.
​
The nurse isn't here, but the bandages on my shoulder have been redone in a more professional manner, and I have brand new casts over my right eye and burst lower lip. I can also feel several bruises all over my face, chest, and shoulders.
​
God, I feel like a fucking mess. In both body and spirit.
​
Makes me wonder where everyone else could be. What happened to Fang? I hope she wasn't arrested or anything like that. I can still hear the rain outside, so it couldn't have been that long ago.
​
I reach for my phone, only to note that I've been undressed and put into a hospital gown kinda deal. Looking around I spot my stuff on a nearby shelf, clothes neatly folded, my wallet, keys, and phone lined up on top of them. Reaching them is out of the question, and I'm not yet ready to stand.
​
Just as I'd resign myself to spending the rest of the day here alone, commotion by the door hits my ear. Several muffled voices, only one of which I can make out.
​
Oh. Fuck. Me.
​
I try sitting up as the doorknob turns, the massive body of Spears filling my vision.
​
He looks angry and disappointed, yet strangely calm.
​
[Anon]
"G-good afternoon, sir."
​
He doesn't bother to close the door, barely managing to squeeze through to me at all.
​
[Spears]
"How are you feeling?"
​
I'm shocked that his inital motion isn't to shout my head off, fubmling to collect my words.
​
[Anon]
"Um, I... Okay, I guess?"
​
He nods, inspecting my shoulder and bandaged eye in some detail.
​
[Spears]
"You can thank your friend, Reed, for that. If he didn't intervene, you'd probably be in the hospital right now."
​
[Anon]
"Is he okay?"
​
[Spears]
"He's fine. Fang did give him a blackeye as well, but nothing serious."
​
I'm not really sure what to say to that. Soon I won't even be able to count the times Reed put his ass on the line for me, especially considering that I've never even deserved it in the first place.
​
[Spears]
"I'm very dissappointed in you, Anon."
​
I'm aware that as the principal he's supposed to say this even if he doesn't care, but it hurts to hear it anyway.
​
Especially since I think he does care. He did come in to see me on a Sunday afterall.
​
[Anon]
"...Lots of that going around..."
​
Letting my comment slide, he starts a little speech of his own.
​
[Spears]
"Look Anon, the last thing I want is to dip into your relationship problems. But I do have to pay special attention to special students."
​
[Spears]
"I will not tell you whether what you did was right or wrong. You're a good kid, just inexperienced."
​
[Spears]
"But as a man you should have a code of your own, one that you can live up to. You cannot let your emotions flick you from one camp to the other."
​
[Spears]
"Here, at school, we can help you grow, but it's up to you to chose where you take your future."
​
[Spears]
"But if you keep this up, well..."
​
Even though he lets that last sentence hang in the air, I think I get the gist of it. They would want me to have a future that's worth living in. One that's filled with hope, and not with regret. I should be looking forward, and not dwell on all the mistakes I've made.
​
[Anon]
"What will happen to Fang?"
​
Spears sighs at my question, rubbing the bridge of his nose. Possibly because it sounds like I totally didn't listen to his advice.
​
He drops his fatherly act, returning to his usual grim demeanor.
​
[Spears]
"She will be sent to psychiatric evaluation, like she should. If it was up to me she'd go straight to juvie, but I'm willing to bet her father will pull strings there."
​
A frown overtakes Spears's featues as he mentions Fang's dad, which strikes me as odd. I've never expected the two of them to have any kind of rivalry, but I guess it makes some sense. They're both prominent members of the community, and of very different backgrounds.
​
[Anon]
"I see."
​
Well... That's still better than being arrested.
​
[Anon]
"And Stella?"
​
He shrugs.
​
[Spears]
"The way I'm told she left the schoolgrounds long before your fight with Fang. Why do you ask?"
​
Makes me wonder who told him that, cause "about five minutes" doesn't constitute as "long" in my book.
​
As to why I ask, well... I'm not even sure why, it might be the tiredness or that someone is finally willing to listen to me, but I decide to confess everything to Spears.
​
[Anon]
"We broke up just before I talked with Fang, and... It was pretty bad, like... I wish I could take it all back, cause..."
​
[Anon]
"I think I love her."
​
That last part seems to amuse Spears, a weird lopsided smile dawning on his ape-like face.
​
[Spears]
"Oh, I think she knows, son."
​
[Anon]
"Huh?"
​
With another chuckle Spears leaves the room, squeezing past the furniture as he did on his way in. As soon as his suited body moves from the way I see none other than Stella standing in the hallway, half-hiding behind the open door.
​
The moment our eyes meet my heartbeat picks up and my chest tightens, making it hard to breathe. My throat dries up in an instant as well.
​
Though that is nothing compared to the sudden burst of emotions that flood my mind, threatening to push me back to the warm embrace of unconsciousness.
​
I can't even begin to describe the joy that I'm feeling for seeing Stella here, a clear indicator that she still cares for me. Although it's tainted by the quite recent memory of how we parted.
​
She steps into the room and, unlike Spears, closes the door behind her. For a second I contemplate if Spears left it open so that Stella could listen in on our conversation, but I dismiss the notion.
​
She looks nothing short of a distaster much like me, with the exception of the bandages of course. Her clothes are drenched, wet hair all over the place, eyes red and puffy, distinct streaks of tears on her face.
​
Like before, her expression is unsure, cautios.
​
She slowly makes her way to the bed, gasping when she sees my condition from up close. Without a word her slender fingers explore the various injuries.
​
In the end one of her hands remain on my chest, feeling my heartbeat. She bites her lower lip, though clearly with worry and not with arousal.
​
I try to force a smile on her behalf, not that it really works out with my wounded lip.
​
[Anon]
"I didn't think you'd come."
​
[Stella]
"Of course I came! As soon as Rosa told me."
​
[Stella]
"I tried calling you like, a million times."
​
[Anon]
"Yeah, sorry, I turned my phone off before um... You know..."
​
It warms my heart to hear how much she cares, hope reigniting somewhere deep in my soul. Could we still salvage the situation?
​
She takes a deep, rugged breath, her attention once again turning to my bandages.
​
[Stella]
"Gosh Anon, what happened to you?"
​
[Anon]
"Didn't you hear?"
​
[Stella]
"Well I've heard that Fang beat you up pretty bad, but... Why?"
​
[Stella]
"I thought that, you know... With me gone, you and Fang would..."
​
I shake my head, hissing as my damaged eye spikes with pain.
​
[Anon]
"Nah, I told her to fuck off."
​
[Stella]
"R-really...?"
​
I nod, this time with a lot more caution, attempting another smile.
​
[Anon]
"Really-really. I've finally figured out that..."
​
[Anon]
"Well, it doesn't matter. She was a dick to you, and I didn't want her around anymore. That's basically it."
​
Stella doesn't respond, not for a while. Her hand on my chest moves to my shoulder, where she idle-mindedly - but carefully - starts to play around with the gauze.
​
She's not looking me in the eye either, which fills me with worry.
​
[Stella]
"And what about me? Do you want me around?"
​
I very nearly blurt out "fuck yes I do", only held back as I realize how much I've hurt her already, and how much I could hurt her in the future. Should my longing for companionship outweigh the harm I could - and probably will - do?
​
I close my eyes, considering the situation. If us getting together means nothing but good times from here on out, I would hands down spend the rest of my life with her. Although, I've already thought that we were pretty good together, that nothing could ever go wrong.
​
...Not THIS wrong anyway.
​
Would it be better to stay away from her? For her own sake? Even after all I've gone through to try and keep her by my side?
​
...
​
[Anon]
"Remember what you told me, back on the beach?"
​
I open my eyes again, looking at her and making her look back at me.
​
[Anon]
"That we're weird enough already, and that we should try to be normal?"
​
[Anon]
"At the time I thought it was pretty stupid, cause I was happy being with you, and everyone else could go suck a dick for all I cared."
​
[Anon]
"So... I can't promise that I won't hurt you again cause I'm not only weird, but a big fuckdumb idiot too."
​
[Anon]
"All I know is that I wanna be better, and I want us to be together. And not, like, because you give the best blowjobs or whatever..."
​
[Anon]
"Besides, I did get you off twice, and you only did me once, so..."
​
I try to laugh it up at the end, lightening the mood. She raises an eyebrow at that.
​
[Stella]
"Twice? Sure you're not thinking of another girl?"
​
I'm a bit guffawed that she decides to elaborate on THAT part of my confession, but I guess we're not weirdos for nothing.
​
[Anon]
"Nah. Second time was yesterday or like, the day before."
​
[Stella]
"No, Anon, that was the first time."
​
[Anon]
"Uhhh, no? First time was us sexting. I even have the pic you sent, after like, a million years of me asking for it."
​
She crosses her arms amused, giggling already.
​
[Stella]
"Anon I... I'm not sure how to tell you this, but it took so long cause I had to pee, so um... I just licked my fingers and sent you a picture of that."
​
[Anon]
"Oh."
​
Well damn, there goes my ego.
​
[Anon]
"Really? Cause I totally jerked off to that."
​
Her annoyance dissipates entirely, making way for the wide girly smile I'm more used to seeing on her face.
​
[Stella]
"HA! So how was that two-to-one? Sounds like we're even to me."
​
[Anon]
"Yeah-yeah, just you wait."
​
She laughs again as I try to defend the remaining shreds of my honor. With the mood successfully lightened I grab her hand, sitting up in the bed - as much as I can.
​
[Anon]
"But seriously, I want us to stay together, if you'll still have me."
​
Her only answer is another smile and a nod, sealing the deal with a kiss. We carefully, awkwardly work around the cast on my lip, letting the kiss stretch on for a good minute or so. Her wet strands of hair stick to my face, but I don't care.
​
However hard we try though, there's no real room here to actually make out. Stella lets out a frustrated whine at that, but ultimately backs off.
​
Just in time too, there's someone knocking on the door.
​
[Stella]
"Oh, that's probably Rosa. Do you mind if...?"
​
[Anon]
"Just make sure she doesn't kill me."
​
She rolls her eyes at my joke, flicking my forehead with a finger. Although we both know that I'm only half-joking. Rosa can be... Enthusiastic, to say the least.
​
[Stella]
"Come in!"
​
To both of our surprise, the one coming through the door isn't Rosa but Reed, and holy shit, Spears wasn't kidding about the blackeye.
​
Reed's got an eyepatch larger than mine, still, the outlines of his bruise can be clearly seen even from this distance. Did Fang claw his eye out or something?
​
He steps next to the opened door, glancing at Stella expectantly.
​
She looks back at me, hesitant, to which I only nod. Of all the people in the world, I probably have the least to fear from Reed. He's gone above and beyond covering for my ass, proving his unending loyalty - not that I deserve it in the least.
​
[Anon]
"It'll be okay."
​
I try to sound as confident as I can, tightening my hold on Stella's hand before motioning for her to leave us. I can tell that she doesn't like this one bit, but complies nonetheless.
​
Once Stella closes the door Reed walks up to me, taking in the sight of my many injuries like the others before him.
​
[Reed]
"Hey."
​
[Anon]
"...Hey. You okay?"
​
I expect him to shrug it off with a laugh and offhand remark that it's nothing a few bowls of pot can't fix. Instead, he stays uncharacteristically serious.
​
[Reed]
"No, Anon, I'm pretty far from okay."
​
[Reed]
"I had to fight Fang, you know."
​
I can't help but chuckle, having firsthand experience of just how strong she is.
​
[Anon]
"She's kinda brutal, huh?"
​
Reed hisses in clear annoyance, the look in his eye sharpening.
​
[Reed]
"That's not my point, Anon. Fang is my friend."
​
[Reed]
"It's the second time now I've had to hurt her for your sake, and what do I have to show for it?"
​
[Reed]
"Why did I ever decide to help YOU?"
​
...
​
I've never expected it would hurt so bad to hear him say it. I know he's right, I've been having the exact same thoughts afterall...
​
I can't look into his eye any longer, meekly turning my attention to the now wet bedsheets - courtesy of Stella. It seems to only anger Reed, his hands curling up into fists, tight muscles dancing along his arms.
​
Still he keeps his composure, his tone remaining calm.
​
[Reed]
"Don't you have anything to say?"
​
[Reed]
"No 'Thank you Reed'? No 'Sorry that I'm a huge retard'?"
​
...
​
I desperately want to say both of those things, but I'd feel like a phony if I did now. Does it even matter? We both know that I can't say anything that would make it right.
​
[Anon]
"...Thank you Reed, and I'm sorry that I'm a huge retard..."
​
I practically mutter the whole thing, unable to actually look at Reed. His body tenses up and I expect him to hit me any second now, finishing what Fang started.
​
He surprises me once again, letting go of his anger with a deep sigh.
​
[Reed]
"Whatever, man..."
​
Turning his back to me, Reed barks a short farewell in my direction.
​
[Reed]
"I swear to god Anon, if you fuck up the thing I got with Rosa, I will personally dig the grave for Fang to put you in."
​
His threat catches me off guard, though I can't say it's unbiased. Without waiting for my answer he storms away, leaving me with my thoughts.
​
I don't really know how I expected our reunion to turn out, but definitely not like this. Was I too naive to believe we could bury the hatchet and be buddies again?
​
Apparently so...
​
Stella returns to the room, her eyes looking for signs of our fight. Not that there would be any, Reed is far too responsible for that. There would have been a fight to leave any trace to begin with.
​
Her expression is one of astonishment, seemingly unable to believe that I didn't get further mauled by the pink raptor.
​
Even though I totally would have deserved that.
​
Longing for her touch I reach my arm out to her, feeling a lot better as our fingers meet. Hope I can get rid of this damn bandage soon and we can kiss properly. Well, I hope I can get out of this bed even sooner.
​
Especially so that I can go home. Spending the day with Stella might be nice too, but I just want something normal, something familiar in my life. Something old-fashioned.
​
A good ol' round of shitposting should do the trick.
​
Vidya too.
​
Even with how bad things got, I truly believe that I can have a normal life again - normal for me anyway. And it's because I have a partner that I can count on to be a weirdo with me, nonetheless a partner to help me be less of one. One I can finally trust.
​
Stella. My weird occult-shit-loving tarot-card-reading astrology-believer weeb stego gf.