# Perfect Situation Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Hang On
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I stared at the phone for a few moments, my eyes adjusting to the glare amidst the darkness. Do I text her back? Do I wake up Trish? Why the hell is she even here this late, I sent that message nearly ten hours ago! From Trish's room I could hear the dull thudding of someone banging on the front door. She was really insistent on this wasn't she? I glanced back at Trish to see her sleeping soundly despite Fang's best attempts to wake us. We've got work tomorrow, if Fang is willing to meet her again then she could do it when its not two in the morning. Until then I can go see what Fang wants, I tried not to think about the fact that the guilt roiling in my stomach heavily influenced that plan.
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Fang and I haven't been dating for years so it wasn't cheating right? It may have been correct but the thought didn't really soothe me when I slept with Trish just as Fang and I started talking again. Another pang of guilt, this time for Trish, why was I thinking like this? It's not like I wasn't into her. Technically I was the one who kissed her last night! Ugh, I didn't have time to think about this, With no other plan I started stumbling in the dark trying to put on my pants and button up my shirt. God damn fucking dress shirt why do you have so many of them? The thumping had gotten more insistent and my phone vibrated once again, fuck it who needs a fully buttoned shirt?
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I opened and closed the bedroom door as quiet as I could, I had to make sure not to wake up both Trish and Tana. Wait, did Tana hear everything last night? I winced as memories of slamming Trish into the wall resurfaced, what the hell were we thinking? Walking by the veritable mountain of discarded cans seemed to have answered my question. I grimaced at them as I passed, alcohol and I really do not get along. The knocking was much louder in the living room. All of our 'prom' lights were still on and the playlist had repeated back to the thumping dance music. Guess that explained why Fang thought we were still awake, I made sure to turn off both before heading to the front door. Pulling it open revealed a disheveled ptero-girl who looked decidedly pissed off.
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She started to yell "What took-!"
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My hand shot forward and snapped her snout shut, the look she gave me was both incredulous and furious. I could feel her struggle to talk despite my desperate attempt to shush her, I held a finger to my lips.
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"People are ASLEEP, Fang!" I stage whispered as I pushed past her, quickly shutting the door behind me before I finally released my grip.
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"One." She held up an index finger, eyes narrowing "don't ever do that again."
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"Two." There's the second finger "don't ever do that again".
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"three-"
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"Don't ever do that again?" I interrupted her impatiently, it was too late at night for a lecture.
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She didn't look impressed, crossing her arms with a half empty bottle of vodka in one of her hands.
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"Fang, it's four hours from sunrise. Why are you drinking?" I tried to move the conversation along.
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She shrugged and took a swig, murmuring around the bottle "Well I thought I was going to a party."
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I tried not to sound exasperated "you're late, everyone went home hours ago."
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Fang withdrew the liquor from her lips and cocked her head "but not you?"
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Her tone wasn't accusatory but it still made my heart sink, should I tell her what happened?
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"I got a little drunk, Trish let me stay the night." I replied with a shrug, that was still the truth.
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Fang looked me up and down, eyes lingering briefly on my unbuttoned shirt.
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"Yeah, I can see that." She held up the bottle for another drink before asking "you still a fucking asshole when you're drunk?"
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She said it so nonchalantly, like it was a natural question. I think that hurt more than if she was actually trying to upset me.
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"No, didn't ruin any friendships tonight." I shook my head, hoping I was right.
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"First time for everything then." she replied casually.
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I sighed and sat down on the front step, rubbing my aching eyes of sleep. To my surprise Fang sat down beside me, the feathers of her wings brushing briefly against my shoulder. I grimaced when I saw just how thin her plumage really was, this close to her a few bald spots were visible on her wings. I frowned knowing she wouldn't answer if I tried to bring it up, at least there was one thing I could talk to her about.
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"So what're you gonna do now that you missed the party?"
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She raised an eyebrow at me "I didn't miss shit, party's still here."
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I looked around the darkened porch, no dancers or DJ's sprung out of the ground so I just pointed at myself.
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"Me?"
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"You see anyone else?" Fang droned as if the answer was obvious
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I yawned, leaning against the door before mumbling my reply "not much of a party"
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she shook what remained in her bottle and answered "Well I'm drunk and you're drunk, I think that counts."
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I chuckled "We're both drunk and we're not screaming at each other, look how far we've come."
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Fang laughed too, bitterly, but she laughed.
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"Oh yeah? Well you've seen the depressing shit I do, how far have you really come?"
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I scratched the back of my head, embarrassed to admit it. "Well, I've just sort of been working with Trish the past month."
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Fang looked pensive at that, I'm not entirely sure why.
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"Got a smoke?" Fang switched gears, She held out her hand and looked at me expectantly.
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"I'm pretty sure I've paid you back three times over, Fang" I complained, feeling around for them.
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She simply smirked and gestured 'gimme' with her fingers.
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Popping open the pack revealed that it was mostly full, guess I really have been cutting back on smoking. Not of my own volition, that's for damn sure. I slid two out for fang and myself, time to rectify that. Pulling out my cheap lighter I noticed that it was practically empty, guess I forgot to replace it. Thankfully I still managed to spark a flame even if it took a few attempts. Taking that first drag relaxed me in a way I can't describe, it had been too long.
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"You forgetting someone?" Fang stared at me expectantly with an unlit cigarette between her lips.
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"Right, sorry." I apologized, handing the lighter over to her.
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She clicked it once, twice, thrice, her expression growing more and more irritable until she eventually just tossed it to the side and looked to me, clearly annoyed.
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"Hold still" she grumbled around the filter.
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She leaned inches away from my face as she held the tip of her cigarette to the glowing end of mine. Fang positioned her hand carefully to shield the fragile ember from the wind as she shared my flame. I could feel my heartbeat pick up when she did, Fang tended to value her personal space during our smoke dates. Maybe it was the alcohol? A new wave of guilt crashed against me as I thought of Trish alone in her bed while Fang and I 'partied'. Why was I so torn up about this? Once Fang lit her cigarette I quickly looked away, trying to settle the warring feelings within me. That's when I caught sight of a shadowed figure turning the corner. A figure that even from a distance I could tell was far too small.
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"Tana!?" I called out to them
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"No shit?" Fang murmured quietly beside me
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The person hesitated, that was a good sign I was right. When they walked over to meet us it was confirmed. Tana was smart enough to wear a dark hoodie, whether for warmth or for camouflage I didn't know. From where she walked in it was clear she was returning rather than leaving. I didn't know whether I should be upset at her sneaking out or grateful that doing so meant she didn't hear me and Trish. Surprisingly Tana seemed more annoyed than worried about being caught, in fact she was glaring at me.
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"What are you still doing here?" she huffed.
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I took a calming drag of my cigarette before answering. "Could ask you the same thing."
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"Uh, I live here?" Tana replied, sassy as ever.
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"You know what I mean, smartass." I plucked the menthol from my lips "don't you have school in the morning?"
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"Don't you have work?" She spat, trying her best to turn the tables on me.
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"Yep." I replied, hooking a thumb towards Fang "but a late arrival woke me up."
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"Dig the new look, Tana" Fang grinned, nodding in approval.
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Tana seemed to notice Fang for the first time, it took a few seconds before the realization dawned in her eyes.
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She gasped "Lucy? Is that really you? When did you get so... Cool!?"
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I winced at that but Fang physically recoiled, neither of us had heard that name in years.
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Fang tried to act nonplussed "actually, I go by Fang now".
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"Wait, you can change your name?" Tana asked, surprise still evident in her voice.
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"Hell yeah you can! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!" Fang shouted and pumped her arm
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Tana's face quickly screwed up in thought "Okay, call me... Horny! No wait, that's terrible. Queen! Hm... Warrior?"
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I shot Fang a disapproving look but she was waiting patiently for Tana to finish, the sincere smile on her face was almost enough to make me feel guilty for trying to dissuade her.
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"Okay, I've decided." The tiny triceratops said it with a surprising amount of confidence "My new name is Spike."
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I brought the cigarette to my lips and gave 'Spike' a few moments to bask in her decision.
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"Well, you may be purple but you don't look like much of a dragon to me" I added, exhaling the smoke in my lungs
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They both just stared at me, tough crowd.
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"Blame Stella" I deflected with a shrug.
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Fang ignored me and looked to Tana, grinning around her menthol "Don't mind the dweeb, Spike. It's a good name."
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Tana tried her best to hide just how pleased she was that Fang complimented her. I'd bet Trish would kill to have that kind of respect from her sister. It's a little strange though, shouldn't Tana be with their parents? She could just be visiting I suppose but she has a 'room' that she snuck out of. I was about to ask her about it when she surprised me by squeezing between Fang and I, this doorstep was getting really crowded now.
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"Tana-" I started but Fang shot me a disapproving look of her own. "Spike, we're smoking. It's bad for your lungs"
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Tana scoffed, I fully expected her to bring up the hypocrisy over the fact that we were smoking ourselves. Instead she reached into her hoodie and pulled out a single slightly bent cigarette of her own.
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"Anyone got a- Hey!" Fang snatched it from her before Tana could react.
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"It's bad for your lungs" Fang repeated my words with surprising authority.
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While Tana looked upset she didn't argue with Fang. Seeing my moment I cleared my throat to get her attention.
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"If you go to bed I wont tell Trish about tonight" I tried my best to sound amicable.
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Tana practically sneered at me, either she didn't take well to bribes or she was just that spiteful.
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"Go to bed, Spike. It's a good deal." Fang thankfully backed me up.
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"But..." Tana started to protest but she withered underneath Fang's stare "We're going to talk again... Right?"
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That fragile question was the first time she sounded like the little girl she actually was.
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Fang smiled plaintively "We'll see, good night."
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Tana lingered a few moments more before standing up and entering her home, the door closing with a soft click. I was surprised that Fang handled that so well, I never took her for the 'motherly' type. She didn't look much like one either with a loose fitting black tank-top contrasting her pale feathers or the ragged jeans she wore with a hole torn across the knee. Unlike what she used to wear I was fairly certain that was due to actual age rather than a stylistic choice. A variety of charms hung from a collection of necklaces across her neck, the meaning of them lost to me much like the symbolism behind the tattoo's adorning her shoulders.
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I yawned, the late hour getting the better of me. "When did we become parents?"
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"We?" Fang raised an eyebrow, smirking at me "I'm pretty sure I did all the work there."
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"You two clearly knew each other, unfair advantage."
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Fang didn't offer a response to my sleepy rebuttal, instead she replaced the cigarette I gave her with the one she liberated from Tana. Guess that explained the mysterious smell of smoke in the house. Fang swapped the embers between them and glanced back at me curiously.
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"Why'd you send me Trish's address anyways? You think I didn't know?"
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"I thought you two had a falling out?" I asked, just as curious.
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"It's hard to forget ten years." She answered bitterly.
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Ten years? So she lived here back in school?
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"Can't believe she still lives here, Trish really hated her mom." Fang added absently, unaware of the missing puzzle piece she just provided me
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Now even my sleep and booze addled mind could manage to put things together. Trish was an incredibly young home owner, who lived alone with a rebellious little sister, who's mother I've never seen or heard about. I couldn't stop the frown from forming on my face, this was a hell of a realization to have at two in the morning. Trish never talked about this, she didn't talk about Tana either, why was Trish so secretive about her home life? Something to ask her in the morning I suppose, until then I'm keeping Fang company. The ptero in question seemed to be just as lost in thought as I was. Staring at her in the moonlight I noticed something that brought a smile to my face, she seemed to have gained a little weight. It wasn't much but at least she didn't look quite so skeletal, guess our smoke dates paid off.
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The wind picked up sending chilly night air gusting past us, the breeze tousling Fang's hair ever so slightly. Wait, her hair? I noticed that she had let some grow in but figured she was just waiting. The barest hint of locks splayed across her scalp, it was far too much hair for her to be between shaves. Fang was changing her style and while it may have been nothing it felt like a positive change to me. One moment I blinked and the next my eyes were locked with two amber pupils, she had caught me staring. It felt like I should've looked away or apologized, instead, a deepseated calm took hold of me and said to hold her gaze.
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I gestured towards her hair "You're growing it out?"
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Fang ran a hand over her head, tousling what little hair she had before replying. "You like it?"
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I nodded "yeah, I do."
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"Why?" She sounded suspicious "Because it makes me look feminine?"
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That was a loaded question, one that if answered poorly could spell disaster. One that, at least tonight, I felt confident walking into.
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"Yep" I answered casually, it was the truth after all.
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The fact that I so boldly admitted it took the wind from her sails, that lasted for only a moment before I could see anger form on her face. It wasn't a vivid or righteous rage, it was the look of a woman who was tired of explaining, tired of hoping people would remember.
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"I'm-" Fang started with a sigh
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"After all" I continued, her expression tightened but she let me speak "Someone very important to me once said that non-binarys don't owe people androgyny"
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When her anger immediately evaporated into confusion and then realization I let an easy smile come over me, you still got it Anon. Fang looked away from me so I couldn't see her own smile, a truly genuine one that had been absent far too long.
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"You..." She started, her voice a gentle rasp.
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"I..." Fang tried again, struggling to find the words
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The ptero-girl took a few seconds to gather her thoughts before she turned to me, those citrine orbs of hers were heavy with the kind of tired that sleep couldn't fix.
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"Why are you doing this?" She asked with quiet exasperation.
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"You'll have to specify" I laughed a little nervously, unsure what she meant.
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"Everything."
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Fang was searching my eyes for something, cigarette hanging loosely from her lips. "You show up in my life after years, let me scream at you and then disappear just like you did before? But just as I'm starting to forget you again, you show up arm in arm with my ex best-friend."
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Her voice was starting to gain strength now that she was lost in her memories. "But you're not dating her, that would have made things too simple. Instead you started to talk with me, it wasn't even some plan to get me in your bed either."
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She dug a hand into her pocket and pulled out an old phone, battered and marred with a noticeable crack across the screen. Between that and the scratched screen it looked like she'd either dropped or thrown that phone more than once.
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"Then" Fang tapped the screen and brought up a chat history I recognized "You just wanted to talk more. You kept sending messages, you kept telling me how you were doing, asking how I was doing."
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Fang was starting to look as aggravated as she sounded, her feathers bristling. "I kept thinking you were playing some long con! That I'd eventually figure out what you were doing!"
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The building energy within her proving to be too much until she was forced to hug herself, the sharp talons on her hand digging into her arms hard enough that I could see a bead of crimson forming in the depression.
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"I never did" she admitted, her voice falling to nearly a whisper
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"Why?" She repeated dejectedly, looking fraught in the dim blue glow of her phone "what do you want from me?"
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I sat there, my mind slowly unpacking everything that Fang told me. We stared at one another in silence aside from the low hum of insects and Fangs slightly labored breathing. What did I want from her? It would be a lie to say that I didn't want things to go back to how they were, when we were together and I didn't ruin our lives. But that was a shallow desire, we all wanted to go back and fix our mistakes. What did I want from Fang right now? Why did I go through so much effort for her? Why was I on this porch in the middle of the night?
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"Because I want you to be happy." I admitted, It really was that simple wasn't it?
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Fang didn't seem to think so, she was waiting expectantly but there wasn't any more to say.
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I frowned at her "Is that so hard to believe?"
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"Yes." She wasn't making a joke, she was stating a fact.
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The cigarette couldn't soothe the pain that one word caused me, not that there was much of it left anyways. I flicked the butt to the pavement and crushed it while I recovered from what I deserved. My mind was desperate to find something to say, something important or dramatic. Just like in the pizzeria there was nothing I could say that sounded right. Fang had apparently decided that was all she was going to get from me and started scrolling through our texts. To think that those mundane and seemingly unimportant conversations were what she cared so much about.
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"Look, Fang. I don't have some speech prepared for you." I wet my lips, unsure where to begin.
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"You were the first person that I ever connected with, It's thanks to you that I've got some of the happiest moments of my life." My heart was screaming at me to stop exposing it but I forced myself to continue.
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"Our lives had gotten intertwined so fast I didn't know what to do. I had spent my whole life alone and then four months into the year I found myself in l-love with a girl that loved me back." I cringed internally over my stutter, saying that word felt awkward after so long. I could feel Fang's eyes boring into me but I couldn't bring myself look at her. Not until I was finished.
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"So I got afraid, I tried to disconnect myself. I convinced myself that what we had wasn't important, that you were too flawed. I tried to go back to what I had before, what was comfortable." The words kept flowing from my lips, things I had always known but didn't dare dwell on.
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"Of course I want you to be happy Fang." I finally found the strength to meet her eyes with mine. "Because I think no matter what, a small part of me will always love you. I'm sorry it took me this long to realize it."
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I all but whispered my last confession. Fang held my gaze, her amber eyes had lost some of their brilliance but looking into them took me years in the past. Those eyes took me to a rooftop that overlooked the city, to the girl sitting across me, to the same smile she wore now. It was a smile that I couldn't help but mirror.
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"Okay." Fang matched my whisper with her own.
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"Okay?" I repeated hesitantly.
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"I'm so tired, Anon." Fang answered softly, pausing to take a deep breath of the cool night air "I'm so tired of work, tired of bills, tired of debt, tired of drugs, tired of being alone."
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"I'm tired of hating you" she rubbed her shoulders uncertainly "So I forgive you, okay?"
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My chest warmed with a fire that I had no hope of controlling. I just nodded, I couldn't trust my voice and hoped she didn't hear the sniffle that almost certainly escaped me.
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"So." I tried and failed to hide the emotion choking up my voice "We're starting over?"
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Fang gave a slight nod "Yeah, I guess we are."
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I stiffly thrust my hand out to her and cleared my throat.
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"Hi, I'm Anon."
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Fang chuckled at my antics "stop being such a dweeb, dweeb."
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Anon Y. Mous wouldn't be deterred though, I waited patiently for my hand shake. Eventually I was treated to the view of her slowly accepting that fact, from the shake of her head to her lips curling into a smile. After that, it didn't take long before she grasped my hand in hers, shaking it gently.
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"Hi, I'm Lucy."