# Story Three - Carnival, I Hardly Know 'Er

Anon wakes in the morning, with the sun shining directly in his face, his blanket providing just the right amount of comfort he likes, and to top it all off, his-
Anon stretches to the right side of him and feels only the deep valley that is the 20 inches that separate his bed from the ground. Anon stretches to the left of him, and only feels the vast expanse of his mattress. Something is missing.
He jumps from his bed with speed that could rival lightning, while he hurriedly looks around, he finds no sign. No sign of her. Anon checks the few rooms he has in his humble abode, and finds once again, nothing.
He panics, his ptero wife would never leave him alone, would she? had she vanished in the night, leaving poor Anon alone, forevermore to walk volcaldera alone and burdened with the heavy task of managing an entire school? He thought these thoughts to himself, only being able to imagine such things from a combination of the grogginess of waking up, and also the fact that he had missed the large note in front of the fridge, emblazoned with big letters that say “READ ME YOU DWEEB”. However it was only when Anon moved to the fridge to make himself a “sad-me-down,” a beverage consisting of ⅛ part coffee, ¼ part Nuclear Kaiju™ energy drink, ½ part of the closest alcoholic beverage you can find, and to top it all off ⅜ parts monosodium phosphate, all of which is then blended for good measure for 13 seconds exactly.
Before Anon could make the motion to pull the door open, his ape descendant brain finally kicked in and processed that there was indeed a large note plastered on the front of the fridge, and that it could hold the clue to where his loved one was hiding. It read as follows:
“READ ME, YOU DWEEB!"
No, I’m not dead, missing, or have left you for a slightly more handsome ape.
I’ve gone to work by myself as this is the 17th day so far you’ve overslept after posting on your “venezuelan vatican enthusiasts blog” and the school needs at least SOME administration before your daily waking of 11:00 AM that you’ve grown so accustomed to so far
Still love you, Lucy <3”
With a fully functioning and remembering monkey brain, and armed with the revelation that his favorite dino in the whole wide world was still there for his sleepy arse, Anon gained the courage and determination to continue on with his morning without fear or hopelessness. This was until he had realized the time he had arisen to. “11:37” said his alarm clock, “11:37” said his kitchen clock, “11:37” said his bathroom clock, and as he turned on his phone he too saw the time there was indeed 11:37. Two thoughts then raced through his head, the first of which was the question of whether he needed 3 clocks in his simple modern cottage if he was just going to check his phone, and the other was the panic of missing literally half the entire school day for the 17th time in a row. At the speed of a young principal, he attuned his attire, he motivated his mind, and to top it all off he made his signature “Energy mix”, which just so happened to be the exact same as his previous concoction, but just replacing monosodium phosphate with something that won’t kill his liver.
With Anon’s preparations being complete, he heads into the wild outdoors, forgetting that his lovely wife had taken his one and only automobile, and proceeded to call a taxi.
As Anon rolled onto the campus, he felt an awful dread upon him, it was almost as if the entire student body had their eyes laid directly on him. This is because, for the most part, it was true.
When Anon’s habit of being late started to form, many students placed their bets regarding how bad it would become. While the majority of the peers had positive opinions of their principal, many also didn’t have high expectations of Anon being able to solve this issue anytime soon, so they had bet during a large congregation for two options. Either Anon gets his act together and goes to school on time for a straight month, or Anon would continue to fall until he wouldn’t arrive before lunchtime. A large sum of money had been placed on the table, theories about it ranging from 3 digits to 5, as the exact number was hard to pin down. All of this was kept secret from their superiors, of course, as many would think gambling is a very bad thing for children with no concept of the value of money to be doing.
Anon bursts through the door, seemingly knowing the extent of how late he was, and yet at the same time not knowing the true severity of his actions. Inside stood his students, from all grades, all classes, and all walks of life, gathered behind the entrance to the building they call “Volcano High”, their eyes fixated directly on their dear principal.
And there they stood, facing each other, for what felt like an eternity. Eventually, the students walked away. Some left in tight clusters, whispering to each other like the maddening sound of a thousand flies. While others left alone, either with a smug look on their face or a solemn stale expression. Either way, nobody dared to speak to the principal, still standing in front of the door on his way late to work.
As the last few students started to leave, Anon finally felt comfortable in dropping his statue-like pose and continued on his journey to the main office. On the way, it seemed like every student had their eyes pointed directly at him, Anon felt like the students he once felt like he towered over had now reversed roles and instead have become a jury for his actions.
He finally reached his sacred place, the main office, where inside lay his own desk, his own computer, and best of all, an entire room in which he felt completely in control. However, situated right in front of said office, was the love of his life, Lucy, who seems to have been expecting him for a rather large period of time, as shown by the disappointed look on her face.
“You’re late,” She remarked.
“Hey, you should have woken me up”
“You sleep like a brick, no amount of effort I could have put in would have made you wake up”
Anon reached for the door handle, but Lucy blocked his hand.
“You’ve gotta fix this Anon, it's getting out of hand”
“Alright, I'll make sure not to post on the french foresight forum again”
Again he reaches for the handle and is blocked.
“You’ve also got to make up for it too, you’ve seen how the students were when you got here late, hell just think about what they thought about you when you barely got in time for lunch!”
“Well, I got here on time for lunch, so I would like to enjoy that for the time being”
Lucy strongly grasped anon’s shirt collar and brought him close.
“We need to do something Anon, something special for the students to restore their faith in you because otherwise they’re gonna tear you to shreds!”
Lucy then realized that insulting students isn't really a good idea in public, and let go of Anon.
“Alright, we’ll talk about it, but lets at least head inside before the students tear you to shreds instead”
Finally, Anon was able to open the door to his private part of the school, and behind him followed Lucy. The two sat down and began to think hard.
“We could have a school meeting!” Anon proclaimed, “It’s cost-effective and would certainly turn some heads in the right direction”
“It doesn’t seem like enough, it would just tide them over for a short time.” replied Lucy, “I believe we should do something bigger than a simple meeting”
“Then what’s your idea of “something bigger”
She sat for a moment and pondered the question.
“Maybe something like a small carnival?”
“A carnival?!?” Exclaimed someone very loud through the office door.
The door swung open and in came the miniature and normally completely raging Trish, who seemed to actually be ecstatic at the idea of a school carnival.
"Lucy, that might have been the greatest idea you've come up with your entire life!"
"Really? Because the idea for that really just come out of nowher-"
"C'mon Lucy, you know I used to love to go to carnivals as a kid, we even went to a bunch together, don't you remember?"
"Now that you mention it-"
"If you remember, then you certainly know I would be the best person to be in charge, right?"
"Now wait just a minute, Trish," Anon interjected, "Since I'm the principal, shouldn't I also be in charge of the event?"
"Normally I would agree with you Anon" Lucy replied, "However with how late you've been as of recently, you've also got some paperwork you haven't done yet, mainly finalizing those lunch card forms"
Anon sulked in his chair, disappointed that he wouldn't get to personally bring a dunk tank to put the purple gremlin in.
"Hey, wait a second, how the hell are we gonna afford all this?" Asked Anon, "It’s not like this won’t put a dent in our finances-"
And as if his prayers had been answered, the right man had suddenly burst through his office door without warning.
"So I heard you needed money for like, a cool carnival," Reed said.
"Reed how in the world did you hear us?" All the 3 non-reed people in the room asked in unison.
"Bro you've got the thinnest walls I've ever heard through in my life, I could practically hear you down the hall yelling"
"So what's your big plan reed?" Anon asked, "Are you going to pay for the entire carnival or.....?"
"Actually yeah, that was kinda what I was going for," Reed replied with a large grin, "Can't blame a guy for being a big fan of carnivals!"
They looked wide-eyed in surprise at Reed, except for anon, of course, he just kept being the eyeless abomination and crime against nature he usually is.
"So, we've taken care of money and planning, what else do we have on the agenda?"
"Well, we could use some entertainment people, say music?" Trish asked.
And today it seemed as if luck was on their side once again when yet another familiar face barged through the door, seemingly having the answer to yet another one of their problems.
"Dijistes algo sobre la Música?" Asked Rosa.
"Hey, Rosa!" Anon enthusiastically greeted, barely able to understand what Rosa said, "I didn't know you were good at music!"
"I'm not, but I know a cousin of mine's in a band, and they're trying to find anywhere they can play to become "Como Duis Liguel" me diga, pero no recuerdo Duis Liguel siendo mariachi-"
"Hey, rosa, sorry to interrupt but I couldn't understand half the things you're saying" Remarked Trish.
"Ah, sorry. Guess I've got Spanish in the head at the moment. Point is I've got someone for music during the carnival, just tell me when and I'll tell him to come over"
"So that should wrap everything up, right?" Anon said as he was eager to take at least a single bite of his lunch before he lost the chance to do so.
"Should be!" Trish replied, "I'll take care of the organization and tell reed what we need, Lucy can help me figure out what the students want most, Rosa does whatever she wants and you work whatever you do as a principal"
And with that, Anon finally felt that he could eat his lunch.
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Anon wakes in the morning, with the sun shining directly in his face, his blanket providing just the right amount of comfort he likes, and to top it all off, his ptero waifu lying next to him, just waking up as well.
Over the past month, Anon had gotten a grip of his sleep schedule, he had learned not to post on the Scandinavian skating site past 10 PM otherwise he would get tangled in a thread about how (((rhinorexes))) control the world, your toilet, and are responsible for every bad thing ever happened to you. He had learned not to make homemade energy drinks that have a chance of causing death, but most of all, he learned how to once again wake up next to the loveliest woman in the world.
The morning routine was rushed, it had to be, the carnival was today and only Raptor Jesus knows what would happen if the principal was late to his own event that he made so he could redeem himself for being late before. Anon wore a nice suit, while Lucy wore something more casual to really enjoy herself. They packed their packs and grabbed their grabbings and left for the volcano high.
Ironically, despite being as quick as possible, it had seemed as if they had arrived late. it seems almost every student that could make it was there and were all having a good time with the rides, the attractions, and most importantly, the rigged games designed to take your entire wallet in exchange for a $3 plush from dinochina.
Anon and Lucy met up with Trish, who was making sure everything was here and not something the students could possibly get killed on.
"Wow Trish, Lucy, you've done some great work, I wouldn't even think to bring half the attractions you've got today."
"It was no problem!" Trish replied, "I really enjoyed working on this with old friends. And besides, we couldn't really do anything without Reed's support."
"Say, where is reed?"
After a bit of searching around the small parking lot that the carnival was situated on, they had found reed, with a peculiar arrangement of items on display.
"So, what're you selling here?" inquired Lucy
"I'm embarking on the latest craze around the internet, edible tools! Apparently, these things are popular for no discernible reason at all, but for some reason, they sell like hotcakes! I've basically made back all the money I've spent on the carnival and then some, And the best part is, I didn't even put any addictive chemicals inside them this time!"
Anon left Reed to his own devices, somewhat confident that he wouldn’t poison the students, as that would ruin his main customers. And the trio left to see what had become of the mariachi band.
The mariachi band had indeed arrived, its ensemble of trumpets, guitars, violins, and an uncommon addition of a synth. Normally, this would be a catastrophe, a cacophony of sound would play that would only serve any value as a torture device. However somehow this band was able to embrace both the new and the old, creating some sort of Neo-mariachi that somehow fits into the high school setting well. Of course, the students seemed to love it, and so did most of the faculty. The only one who was seen disliking it was Trish, who probably still had wet dreams about double bass on the daily.
After the Nu-mariachi band took a short leave, it was decided amongst Lucy and Trish that now would be the perfect time for their big reveal. Anon, of course, was left out of this "secret plan" for a reason. and it was one he was dying to find out.
Trish and fang stood in front of a large, cylindrical object covered with a tarp. It was left here hours before the carnival started, and nobody was able to catch a good glimpse of what it was. It was so big it could even stand tall over spears. And as the two slowly receded the tarp, anon couldn’t believe his eyes.
It was a dunk tank, but not just any dunk tank. It was the DUNKMEISTER 777-223-SWISS EDITION, made with the finest materials money can buy, with engineers from top universities working on this project for their entire lives. This, of course, was rented out temporarily. As buying the real thing literally costs an arm and a leg, and they won't accept anything else.
Anon’s genuine and enormous smile would make you think he was in heaven when in reality he was experiencing the euphoria of something far greater. This emotion, however, would not come to last. As Anon’s eyes slowly drifted downwards onto the sign plastered on the front
“DUNK THE DWEEB”
His ape brain fired all at once, full panic mode. But before his legs were able to run, a heavy hand was laid upon him. From grip alone, he could tell it was Rosa, and he knew for certain no amount of effort he could achieve would break free from the grip of a seasoned gardener. His christian companion guided him to the tank, and lifted him to the top. Anon now sat in hell’s chair. Once he laughed at those who sat here, getting soaked minute after minute, and now his mockery has got the best of him. Many things raced through anon’s head, but there was one highly prevalent one. “If only that purple bitch was up here, now THAT would be hilariou-”
*THUNK*
*SPLASH*
Betrayal feels cold. It feels like being suddenly surrounded by freezing water. For Anon, he felt this literally. Watching his ptero lifey wifey hurl a ball at 60 miles per hour for the sole purpose of submerging anon in pure water.
Anon reached for the now upright ledge and hoisted himself up, dried himself off, and prepared himself for the next dive. It was going to be a long, long time.
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The towel felt good, a refreshing dry over an hour or so of soaking wetness. The dunk tank had served its purpose, everyone had their fill of making their principal become more water than man. Now the carnival was dying down, attractions closed, rides shut down, Reed ran out of edible screwdrivers, and little by little, the people in the carnival took their leave and returned home, ready to get a good night’s sleep.
Thankfully, Lucy had been kind enough to bring a change of clothes for Anon to change out of his sopping wet suit, and Anon left the campus wearing a Volcano high shirt and cargo shorts. Both Anon and Fang thanked Trish for staying behind to finish up cleaning the carnival’s remains and drove home.
Anon falls onto the bed, with the waxing crescent above him, his blanket providing just the right amount of comfort to fall asleep, and to top it all off, his ptero waifu next to him, already snoring.