# Perfect Situation Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Go Away
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I woke up feeling like a part of me had died, forcing open my crusty eyelids I scanned my shitty apartment. Trash bags lined the walls loaded to the brim, even my battlestation was looking lonely without the cups and plates. Well that was bizarre, I cant even remember the last time I cleaned but I wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. Shifting in my bed my traitorous body helpfully decided to flare up with pain in half a dozen places. Hissing, I desperately tried to remember what the hell I did last night.
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The aches at least helped cut through my early morning grogginess but the days all seemed to blur together when you did nothing but shitpost and sleep. Flashes of the other day started leaking into my conciousness; Blurs of pedestrians, clanking of metal, a purple and red bur. I screwed up my face as I tried to concentrate, fuck, did Trish give me a head injury? The name slipped unbidden to the forefront of my mind and I could suddenly see that smile we shared perfectly. The rest of the night came rushing back to me with clarity, I couldn't believe I bumped into Trish let alone that we're friends again. At least I think we are, it's been a long time since I had one of those.
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Sliding out of the delightfully warm bed despite it's provocations I listlessly meandered over to the bathroom for a shower. I'd normally sleep well into the afternoon but I missed dinner last night and it's not like anyone was going to feed me. My stomach grumbled as I turned the knob and waited for the water to heat up. Turns out jogging a few miles and getting your ass kicked works up a hell of an appetite, who knew? Disrobing and stepping into the the lukewarm water I had to bite my lip as the pressurized streams pounded against my battered body. I got a good look at it as I lathered myself, my abdomen was definitely not supposed to be that color and there were ugly splotches on my chest as well. Note to self, never fight Trish again. Keeping my shower brief I caught my reflection as I gingerly toweled myself off. My lip was busted and I could plainly see now that Trish slammed me in the temple to knock me out.
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Reaching my hand up to tentatively touch the swollen lump of flesh that nearly wrapped its way around to my eye. I winced as my fingers brushed against it, the sudden lance of pain making me woozy. What the hell did I expect? Frowning at my beautiful face being marred I wrapped the towel around my waist and leaned down to liberate some smokes from my discarded pants. The click of the lighter did almost as much as the nicotine for soothing me. I tried not to think about how many of these I had gone through the past few days but I was an injured man! I sure as hell wasn't going to afford any actual pain medication.
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Stepping back into what I could charitably call my living room the damp hairs on my neck suddenly stood straight up. There were sounds of movement coming from the kitchen, Shit! Fuck! Why did a crackhead have to break into my apartment when I was naked and bruised? I crouched low and walked softly as my eyes swept the room for any sort of weapon, where the hell did I put my pocket knife? A few seconds later I realized I left it in the kitchen because I couldn't afford proper knives. Alright, no problem Anon there's a drugged up psychopath in the kitchen with your knife, you've never fought with your dick out but you got this. Fortunately whoever was in there seemed to be preoccupied with looking for something. Jokes on you asshole, I was too poor for your pantry raid. Creeping along the walls I managed to sneak up on my intruder, peeking around the corner I saw...
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"Trish!?"
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The woman in question looked over, apparently unaware of how much she had scared me. She was dressed sparsely, a small shirt that left her stomach exposed and gray shorts were all that covered her. She was leaning over my stove clearly cooking something though I had no idea what because there was no food in the house. She must have jogged here if the damp patch in her bulging tank top was any indication. Unsurprisingly her abdominal muscles were well defined and good lord those shorts really earned their name, was this trigger utterly oblivious to how she looked or was I just that lonely?
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"Yeah, that's me." She replied nonchalantly before looking me up and down and letting out a low whistle "Damn, I do good work"
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It took me a moment to realize she was talking about the ugly welts lining my body and I could feel my frustration building
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"How did you even get in here!?" I shouted, pointing an accusatory finger at her
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She merely shrugged "I came to check up on you, I knocked but you never answered. Door was open though!"
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I looked back to my front door, I made damn sure to lock that thing every night. The latch where the lock would slot into had somehow managed to come loose, fallen to the floor. I Looked back at Trish with a suspicious glare which she met with a smirk.
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"Like I said, I knocked." she curled an honestly impressive bicep for emphasis that had the added effect of pushing up her no less impressive bust.
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Ah, So this is what people mean when they say 'scaroused'. Realizing I was still wearing nothing but a towel I bit the inside of my cheek to avoid anything embarrassing. Having mastered myself I felt confident to continue questioning my home invader.
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"Alright, How about WHY are you here?"
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She looked at me quizzically for a moment, clearly I said something stupid but at this point I'm used to it.
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"You don't remember? When I drove you home you were tired and mumbling pretty bad but you definitely asked me for help. I thought you meant the stairs at first but seeing this." She sweeps her arm out to gesture at my apartment "I can see why now, you've lost control of yourself. How do you even live like this?" Her tone was harsh but she looked genuinely concerned.
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My cheeks began to flush as I realized just what my mess of a home must look like to someone else, let alone someone as well put together as Trish.
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"Yeah, well you weren't supposed to see it! Everyone lives messy, I just didn't get any time to clean because you BROKE into my HOUSE!" I felt my righteous indignation returning
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Trish pointedly ignored my accusation and crossed her arms "No, not everyone lives like this. Nobody lets trash pile up like that unless they're unwell. You're WELCOME for the maid service by the way, I didn't have to clean up your pig sty"
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Rolling my eyes I replied "Oh sure, thanks mom."
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"Clearly you need one" she huffed but her expression quickly turned devious. Oh no, that damned smirk of hers is back.
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"If that's how it is then first rule, no smoking in the house."
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No... Smoking? Quick as a whip she snatches the long forgotten cigarette from my lips and grinds it in a nearby ashtray. Motherfucker! Oh she's going to get it now, I open my mouth to yell at her again but she cuts me off just as I start
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"Shut up and eat this." She says sharply, handing me a paper plate with a frankly delicious looking chicken breast topped with some manner of red and orange plant matter on and around it. I was still ready to argue but my stomach wasn't and interrupted me well before I could gather my thoughts. I settled for giving her a nasty look before digging in, Trish merely rolled her eyes at my petulance. A few bites in I had to stop just to savor this delicacy, Food can taste this good? Some might have called it too spicy but I was in heaven as every bite saturated my palate with juicy goodness. Alright, Trish was forgiven if she can cook like this. The chicken disappeared far too quickly and I was sorely tempted to lick the plate but I thought better of it, at least while Trish was watching. In fact, Trish was looking at me quite expectantly now that I was finished.
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"Alright fine, best damn chicken I've ever eaten"
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Her expression didn't change.
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"Um, thank you?"
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She finally smiled at that "Good, glad you like it because we're going to go get more today."
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"We are?" I asked, confused
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"We are." she echoed more confidently
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I gave a heavy sigh at that "When did I sign up to have you micromanage my life?"
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"Last night, we just went over this. Now go get dressed already, you aren't impressing anyone with that gut of yours." She replied, waving dismissively
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I'm ashamed to admit that I nearly followed her order without question but a flame of defiance still burned within me.
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"Hey wait a minute, don't you have a job you're supposed to be doing?" I realized
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Great, another one of those 'You're a fucking idiot' looks
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"What do you think I'm doing right now? I usually make people pay for this you know." She shifted into a more easy going smile "You're lucky you get the friend discount."
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I didn't feel very lucky as my injuries complain about me sliding the closest thing I had to clean clothes over them. They complained even louder as I descended the stairs to meet Trish at her totally not compensating truck. Guess she drove here right after a work out, probably a hell of a lot smarter than running everywhere like my poor ass. Trish didn't seem too concerned as she watched me wince my way over to her, in fact she had yet another demand for me.
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"Oh, and you'll be calling me 'Coach' from here on out." Her expression made it impossible to tell whether she was serious or not.
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"I'm not doing that." I stated in no uncertain terms
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She pretended not to hear me as she hopped in her truck. Moving to the opposite side I realized the door was locked.
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"Hey Trish, you mind unlocking this?" I called out
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I could see her smug expression from the driver seat, she was waiting for something. Waitng for... Oh god damnit, fine, be that way you little monster. We stared at each other through the glass, a silent contest of wills taking place. I could either walk to the store riddled with bruises and more sore than I've been in years or I could call Trish coach. Ten minutes later I was seriously beginning to regret my choice as my body begged me to stop. Trish had been slowly following me in her truck waiting for me to give up, it was a good reminder to keep going. My world became a haze of pain as I put one foot in front of the other, I don't even know if I was heading in the right direction anymore. Surprisingly however, Trish pulled up next to me and popped open the door.
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"Fine, you made your point. Get in, If you limp the whole way there this will take all day" she grumbled.
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I breathed a sigh of relief, buckling into the seat and letting my aching body rest.
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"You're lucky we aren't back in school, I would have left your stubborn ass." she said as she adjusted her mirror and picked up speed
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Back in school, huh? I guess we really weren't anymore. I looked over at Trish while she concentrated on the road, It was shocking how she managed to look so different and yet exactly the same. Five whole years had gone by and Trish seems to have sculpted more than just her body, She would have never done so much for me back in the day. She basically took the day off and rather than spend it at home she's here helping me out, she cleaned my house for gods sake! The more I thought about it the more I realized that I was still treating Trish like we were in school. The whole coach thing wasn't some weird power play, she was probably just trying to have some fun with me. Judging by her furrowed brow she was upset, I can hardly blame her with how I've been acting this morning. Even I was starting to feel a little guilty about all this.
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"Hey..." I trailed off, unsure how to go about it.
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Oh great, I've got her attention. Fortunately she still has to look at where she's going but now I have to say something.
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"I just wanted to say thanks, y'know, for all the stuff that you're doing for me. It means a lot to me, uh, coach." I muttered feeling heat rise in my cheeks.
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I could see the surprise evident in her features even without her looking at me. When Trish glanced my way it was with a smile that warmed the heart. Unlike her usual smug grins it felt like she was being truly earnest with her smile, it only lasted a moment before she returned her attention to the wheel.
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"Don't mention it, skinnie" She said softly.
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We shared a few quiet moments but I could see that her expression had relaxed now, I knew I did the right thing.
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"Okay, that was a lie. You should totally mention it a bunch" she joked. At least, I think she joked.
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Should have expected that honestly, we shared a laugh and some tension I never realized was there diffused. The drive to the more affordable super market at least gave me some time to chat Trish up about something that had been bugging me. Apparently, Triceratops had really thick skulls so that they could make use of their horns. That meant going for a head shot against Trish was pointless, good to know that I didn't suddenly forget how to throw a punch. Just yet another biological advantage I thought darkly, damned meteor dodgers have it easy. Unsurprisingly Trish knew about the overly peppy gym receptionist, Sarah. She was actually quite animated talking about her, they clearly shared some interest beyond the gym but when I asked her about it she clammed up quickly. Squinting my eyes I could have sworn she had a faint blush but it was hard to tell with her facial markings. Our destination loomed in view quickly enough with good company to speed up the passage of time. I cant say I was looking forward to saying goodbye to spending yet more money but I did need the food.
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As we walked down the aisles Trish started rattling off nutrition information and I tried my best to keep up. The conversation was a blur of calories, vitamins, fats, supplements all the while she was holding packages out to me like I had any idea what the hell she was saying. Not to mention this was information specifically about adult human males, why is she so well versed in those? Fortunately, I was an expert in pretending I had any idea what I was doing and defaulted into the age old smile and nod. I was taken by surprise when she hooked her arm with mine, I think she did it just to steer me around better but it felt... Intimate. It was nice, her body was firm but strong and pliable and I even had the pleasure of her breasts brushing against me occasionally.
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God I really was lonely, but in my brief reprieves from Trish's info dumps I could see jealous stares of every meteor dodger in here. Who could blame them? Her exercise clothes left just the right amount to the imagination. That put a bit of swagger into my otherwise limping step, now that I knew I had an audience I couldn't help but ham it up. This time I was the one steering Trish around and pestering her about junk food, She was definitely amused by my sudden confidence but quickly started to tug me along again.
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Oh now it's on, once I started fighting her in this bizarre tug-o-war she looked up at me with a dangerous smile. This was a challenge and I quickly found myself arm wrestling her for control in the eternal struggle between healthy and tasty. Despite my best efforts Trish won the war but at least I had a few battles under my belt. I secretly suspected that Trish let me win those but I'd like to keep my masculinity intact so I don't dwell on it. We had been having so much fun with our game that I hadn't even realized just how full the cart had gotten. I didn't even need to check my wallet to know that I couldn't afford all of this. Sighing, I steeled myself for the embarrassment and informed Trish that we'd need to put most of this back. Trish looked at me, surprise clear on her features while her eyes searched mine. Oh great here comes the pity, I can practically feel it coming.
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"I guess I did spring this on you, let me get my purse from the truck. I'll cover it this time but you owe me!"
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She disentangled her arm from mine and waved me off when I started sputtering. Now alone with my groceries I mentally tallied them up again, This must have been two hundred dollars worth and she was just going to pay it? What the hell did I do to deserve this? We've been reunited for a day and all I've done is insult her and complain. Shaking my head as the reality settled in I figured that if Trish was going to cover my groceries I could probably afford a second pack of smokes. I mean, it was partially her fault I went through so many of them anyways so it's fine right? Unused to this store I flagged down one of the employees, a pterosaur, she was stocking the shelves painfully slow. They couldn't have been too busy.
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"Excuse me, miss?"
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The employee flinched as I spoke up, now that I was closer to her I could see distinctive tattoo's partially obscured by her uniform. Surely it couldn't be...?
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'Can I help you?" That feminine rasp was like ice water as Fang stood up and turned to look at me, she didn't look very pleased I was here.
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"But.. You.. The band?" My brain struggled to process seeing Fang again, but in a new low this time. There was something intrinsically wrong about seeing her wearing something as soulless as a uniform.
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"Doesn't pay the bills" she replied, her voice was utterly hollow.
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I wanted to tell her that it was unfair, that she was talented, that she was above this. Staring into her eyes, faded as they were, told me that she didn't want pity any more than I did. This was the second time our paths crossed by pure fate, could I really dare to hope again? Was there still anything left between us to salvage? Why even bother, it's not like I could change anything. My voice died on my lips as I wondered what magic words I could tell Fang to make it all okay again. Realization suddenly dawned on me, of course!
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"Me and Trish came here together, you can meet her again!" I exclaimed excitedly, it's been a long time but they were still friends for ten years that's got to count for something, right?
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Fang narrowed her eyes at me. "I saw" her icy tone implied that if she wasn't at her job I'd be hearing slightly different words.
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"Great! She'll be coming back any moment now then we can-"
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"I don't want to talk to her. Or you." Fang interrupted, A bit of heat rising in her voice.
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I deflated at that, I thought I had toughened up over the years but Fang always managed to cut right through me. Was there really no fixing this? Us?
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"She misses you, Fang. She blames herself for what you're going through." I felt guilty revealing something Trish told me in confidence, but this was Fang!
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Fang paused, searching my eyes for any hint of treachery. God, it hurt me to look into hers and see nothing but sadness and anger.
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"Can I help you?" She sighed, sounding absolutely defeated
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My heart sunk, for the briefest of moments I saw the start of a different path, one where we could all be friends again. The logical part of me knew that I should give up but that cold heart of mine was starting to beat again and it wouldn't let me walk away without one more try.
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"Look, when do you get off? I still owe you some smokes don't I?" I offered tentatively
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Fang looked at me in disbelief but when I didn't have anything more than a hopeful smile she sighed.
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"And a cheese burger" she said at last
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"And a cheese burger" I agreed, my eyes trailing down her uniform. It was a small and she still managed to make it look baggy.
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I could hear the doors to the super market slide open and looked to see Trish stride in with purse in hand.
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"It's at nine" she whispered hastily
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Turning back to Fang I realized she was already gone, walking to the back room with haste. I wanted to follow her but I knew Trish was waiting for me. Meeting up with her she proved as good as her word, which absolutely floored me. Turns out I really did owe her however, she was planning to use me as an assistant since I had so much free time. That included as a teaching aide for anyone that wanted to learn boxing, the very thought made my bruises ache. Trish tried to engage me in conversation on the ride home but I was far too distracted thinking of meeting up with Fang again. She could clearly tell my mind was elsewhere but didn't press the issue, the thought made me feel guilty but I couldn't help it.
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Trish followed me back up to give me instructions on how to prepare the dishes she picked out, even wrote the portions and stuck it to my fridge. She also made sure to dump an entire can of air freshener in my apartment to try and combat the smell of cigarette smoke. Trish even stuck around long enough to help me carry the trash bags to the garbage but had to leave soon enough. Even on a day off she was apparently too busy to hang around all day and drove off after giving me a once over with my new schedule as her assistant. Standing in an apartment with too much empty space that smelled more like a scented candle than my home I suddenly felt very alone.
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Flipping open my laptop I saw I still had plenty of hours until Fang was done with her shift. I guess I could shitpost a little to kill time. Turns out it killed exactly ten minutes because I was filled with an energy that couldn't be quelled, It just felt like wasted time. Honestly I even considered cleaning but one glance around my empty apartment told me there wasn't much for me to do. Even videogames, my last bastion, could only hold my attention for an hour. Needing something to divert my energy into I started meal prepping like Trish recommended, At last this was something that eased the electric impulse in my brain. I was accomplishing something, now that I know what I needed to do I even found myself doing bodyweight routines despite that same body complaining. After an impromptu walk around the neighborhood that was likely more dangerous than it was worth I had finally burned enough time to go see Fang. I was quite surprised to see a cab at the exact time I needed one, I don't think I had seen one at all until just now. Sliding into the back seat I recognize a familiar face.
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"Been a while hasn't it, kid?" he chuckled and started driving before I could even mention where I was going.
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No fucking way was this guy still the only cab driver in the entire city, was this some sort of cosmic prank? The red raptor raised one of his ostentatiously bushy eyebrows as he looked at my expression in the mirror.
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"Alright, spit it out before you explode. I don't want to clean up the mess back there." He laughed at his own joke.
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"Are you actually the only cab driver in the city?" I asked, fearing I already knew the answer.
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"As far as you're concerned? Yep." He apparently found that hilarious too. What the hell was that supposed to mean?
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"You must see a lot of people then, any good stories?" Honestly I wasn't that interested but my stomach was doing flips at the idea of meeting Fang again and I could use a distraction.
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He lets out a low whistle "Good stories? You bet I have kiddo. Seen a lot of guys like you do a lot of things."
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"Like?" I sighed impatiently.
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He scratched at his equally ostentatious beard before continuing "Well, this one time I took these two kids, Both wearing suits mind you, to prom. Tried to set the mood for 'em but they weren't having it. Next thing I know, the girl shoots up her school and her boyfriend, terrible stuff." he tried to sound flippant but it was clear he really was upset about it. Guess it's more personal when you've met the murderer.
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"Wow, that's... Yeah." I couldn't find the words, guess I got what I asked for.
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"Oh it ain't all bad, this other time I drove these two lovebirds to some special gathering at the end of the year. They were obviously head over heels and you could see the respect they had for each other immediately. Didn't have it in my heart to charge 'em for the trip, wouldn't be surprised if they were still together."
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My thoughts immediately drifted to Fang, that could have been us. The fantasy was pleasant enough to keep me distracted but I knew in my heart that it wasn't realistic. I directed the cab driver to a fast food place for Fang's burger and it wasn't long before we found ourselves at the supermarket. Wait, did I ever tell him where I was going?
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"So how much do I owe you?" I asked, hopping out of the car and digging around for my wallet.
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Surprisingly the cab driver shook his head "Like I said, don't have it in my heart to charge lovebirds. You're lucky to have this chance, kid. You ain't supposed to"
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Nani the fuck? I open my mouth to ask him what in the hell he's talking about but he's already driving off. So I stood there, in the middle of the night, with a burger and a shitload of questions. Well that's bizarre but not my problem at the moment, turning to the supermarket I realize that she never actually said where she'd meet me. Well, I could stand on the sidewalk like an idiot or I could go looking and possibly miss her. Sighing I chose option 2, waiting for Fang never worked in the past and I only got this far by being proactive. First stop, the parking lot in the back.
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First stop turned out to be last stop as my quarry was leaning against the building, the vibrant ember of her own cigarette lighting up the night. For the first time she seemed pretty nonchalant about meeting me and waved me over, guess that's what happens when you actually plan these things instead of just bumping into each other.
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"You got the stuff?" She asked, her tone was flat.
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Admittedly I had no idea whether she meant the cigarettes or the burger so I just nodded.
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Fang flicked her stub of a cigarette to the ground, I noticed she didn't even bother to put it out as she reached for the bag in my hand and unwrapped the contents within. It was uncomfortable watching her tear into it like she hadn't eaten in days, I remember her doing the same with the pizza.
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"Fang, are you getting enough to eat?" The question slipped out without me even realizing it.
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She paused her ravenous devouring of the patty to look at me and then continued in much more measured bites. "Mhm" she confirmed, mouth full of food.
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I didn't buy that for a second, but should I push her on this? Once again my mind told me no, that it was just too risky. But my rapidly beating heart urged me to push forwards, I'd never get anywhere with Fang walking on eggshells.
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"Fang, you work a full time job and play concerts on the side, why are you so thin?" I asked, keeping my voice as measured as possible.
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Fang lashed out immediately "None of your fuckin' business, asshole. Pay up those smokes already."
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So nothing good then I thought as reached for my back pocket, popping open the pack I realized I was down to my last three cigarettes. With a sigh I slid one out for Fang and myself. We managed to take a simultaneous first drag, it was always the best one. With the calming nicotine in my veins I looked up at the sky, not a cloud in sight and a full moon beaming down on us amidst a tapestry of stars. It really was a beautiful night I thought as I brought the menthol to my lips again. I could feel Fangs gaze on me as I looked up but when I turned to her she diverted it quickly. Shrugging I returned to my star watching, getting nervous and forcing conversation didn't work last time. In a certain way I was content just to spend time with Fang even if my heart begged for more, sorry buddy but I think brains got the right of it this time.
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"So, did you get mugged or something?" Fang actually broke the silence, pointing at my lip. If I didn't know any better I'd say she was actively trying to sound uninterested.
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I chuckled at that, still staring up at the sky "You'd think so but nah, Trish just kicked my ass"
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I could suddenly hear Fang choking and I whipped around to help her but she just hacked up her cigarette butt and started laughing, even at my expense it was good to hear her laugh earnestly.
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"Oh man she did? She kept saying she would but it always sounded like hot air to me" She looked at me with with a smirk, close enough to a smile right?
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"Heh, like you wouldn't believe. Get a load of this" I raised the hem of my shirt to expose one of the discolored blotches on my abdomen to the cool night air.
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Fang whistled at that "Alright, I stand corrected. NOW you look like shit"
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I did my best to look upset while Fang cackled at me "Yeah sure, yuck it up. You've seen her, she's swole as hell"
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"So you two got a beaten housewife sort of deal going on?" There was mirth in her eyes but her words just left me confused
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"Beaten housewife? What?" I asked, staring at her incredulously
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"Yeah, you two.. Y'know?" She decided to clarify by sticking her index finger through a hole she made with her fingers. Repeatedly.
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Now it was my turn to cough, The surprise of it making me inhale far too much smoke. "What? No! We only just made up with each other."
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Fang stared at me for a moment, I'm not sure if she believed me but eventually she shrugged "You know I only agreed to this because I thought you weren't trying to fuck me, right?"
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A thousand words stumbled over themselves to try and reassure her that wasn't what I was after. "N-no! O-Of course not!" was the lame response that forced itself from my lips.
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She quirked an eyebrow at that "So what, am I not fuckable anymore without my long hair?" Her voice was dangerous, venomous.
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"No! I- You-" I sputtered, failing to come up with something that sounded reasonable
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"Alright, don't explode dweeb. Just pass me another cigarette" She cut me off, cool as ever.
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I gave up trying to salvage that disaster and fumbled around for the pack, pulling out the very last cigarette with reverence. "fine, but it's my last one so we're sharing" I reminded her.
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She looked like she wanted to argue but any good smoker knows the code. I let her have the first drag however, let it never be said that I'm not generous. She passed it back to me afterwards and I stared at the slightly damp filter, memories of a time long past where I got nervous sharing second-hand kisses with the same girl across from me now. I brought it to my lips and savored the feeling again, Maybe it was pathetic but it's not like anyone else knew. We made that cigarette last, both of us enjoying the night sky and the quiet company. Fang tapped some ash to ground, not much left of it now and then we wouldn't have an excuse to be together anymore.
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"So, you and Trish really aren't a thing?" She asked, her expression unreadable while she was stargazing
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"Mhm" words just didn't feel right at the moment
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Fang brings the cigarette to her lips and takes a deep breath, finishing off what was left and grinding it beneath her boot.
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"Could've fooled me."
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I didn't know what to say to that.