# Story Six - The Principal Of Rock Bottom High

It had been a few years since Anon had left his job as a sound engineer to pursue a career as the principal of Volcano High. No, Anon didn’t understand how he got the job either. Spears had shown up one day at his apartment he shared with Lucy asking for a ‘personal request’ of the human to take up arms as the principal. The idea had flabbergasted both Anon and Lucy. Anon had never been in an administrative position before and knew next to nothing about the school system. Their former principal had assured him that there was no consequence but that he had no other possible successors that could take over his position as principal. Spears’ relentless insistence to take the job eventually won out over Anon’s persistence not to. The caveman brought out no papers to sign, he merely thanked the couple for their time and left.
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That began the weirdest few years of Anon’s life. Spears had decided that Anon should start his time on the other side of the educational system as an assistant teacher to none other than a miss Lucy Mous. It turned into a second honeymoon of sorts, Lucy directing Anon in grading, assisting with students, and at one point even teaching a lesson on his own. It was a wonderful but short-lived semester. Anon was then shuffled around to various other positions like guidance counselor and janitor. By the time Spears had retired Anon had worked as practically every possible job a school could have except as the principal of course.
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His transition to Principal was made easy given most of the paperwork and administration was handled by a sarcastic dino lady named Janine Melnuts who was the secretary/office staff for the school. This left Anon with oodles of free time and almost no repercussion for his actions he spent most of the time getting into various shenanigans, much to the entertainment of the staff and students and much to his ptero wife’s chagrin. Granted there were times where the human had to knuckle down and perform his duties as a principal. Thankfully he had the freedom to choose how those duties were completed.
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There were many stories he could talk about during his time as principal. Those aren’t the focus of this story, however. The important part is that his school is the best and he has the best students. He even has a plaque from the school board that says so. He likes to keep that plaque right behind him in his office as a reminder to parents, always threatening to tap it as a reminder to those who need it.
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As if to prove his greatness as a principal Anon had taken up the responsibility of organizing a track and field day for the school. With some creative accounting, a few favors, and a bit of help from friends, Anon had been able to secure a local stadium for the event. He was even able to find another school to join, or more accurately they had found him. Apparently, his name was still known in Rock Bottom and the current principal of his old high school had contacted him wondering if they would be open to such an event, even offering to pay a portion of the event cost. Which led to Anon, in the spirit of one-sided one-upmanship toward the long graduated peers of his old school, taking the initiative and setting the whole thing up himself.
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This allowed to Anon make his, in his own mind, best misuse of his power as principal. He had presented the idea of using a school uniform for the track and field day. The faculty had approved of the idea, some were even surprised that he had come up with it. Everyone except Lucy that was. She had been suspicious of most of the shit he pulled but rarely went to intervene, seemingly content to let him have his fun. Thankfully she decided to leave him be in this case or this wouldn’t have worked. One night when Lucy had decided to visit her parents for dinner Anon had popped open a bottle of vodka, opened up a spreadsheet with the names of all the people in the school, staff, and students included, and set about his work. Over the course of the night and two bottles, the principal had attributed a nickname to everyone in the school. These nicknames would then be printed on shirts that would be given to the school the day of the event. He blacked out around part of the way through the list, unfortunately. Although he somehow finished the list which made for a nice surprise for Anon the morning of. Anon took special joy in Lucy’s shirt which read ‘Fang “Average Human Appreciator” Mous’. Her face, cherry red in embarrassment, had been the highlight of his year.
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Originally, he planned this for the staff only, but a gracious donation from a certain raptor had allowed him to include the student body. Anon had even made a shirt for himself. He had given himself the nickname of ‘Diogenes Imitator’ during his blackout. Anon couldn’t figure out why he had chosen this name but was pretty sure it was hilarious.
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The main use of the donation money given by his friend was put toward the venue for the event, an old stadium that had been built a few years back that had been left abandoned. The owner didn’t care who used it as long as they paid the fee and didn’t destroy anything. It remained in presentable quality minus some leftover trash.
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With the uniforms and the stadium, the students of Rock Bottom high had been both awed and terrified of the overwhelming ‘school spirit’ of Volcano High. Principal Neto of Rock Bottom seemed less enthused than Anon was as he made his way over to the other principal with Lucy.
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As Anon approached, he was able to get a good look at his fellow principal. Neto was a brontosaur that towered over the human, most of the height difference was in the lengthy neck the dino sported. Other than the standout height of the dinosaur there was very little distinct about him. His hide was a washed-out grey color, there were no defining marks or scratches on him, and there was nothing particularly eye-catching about his attire, just a simple beige suit with a red tie and white undershirt. Surprisingly plain in contrast to the colorful cast of cartoon characters Anon had to wrangle on a daily basis.
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Anon was the first to speak up. “Hello there! You must be Principal Nito who contacted me over the phone.”
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The brontosaur nodded his head. “Indeed. It’s good to meet you Principal Anon, and you as well Miss… Fang.” The principal kept a tone that was measured and professional.
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“Please just call me Lucy, I didn’t have a choice in the name,” the ptero said, giving Anon the side-eye.
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“Then please call me Inco.” The other principal turned his gaze to sweep over the stadium and Volcano High’s students.
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“That’s quite a lot of effort you’ve put into this event. I’m surprised this was even possible.”
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Anon perked up, it was nice to finally have the care he put into his work recognized. The human puffed out his chest proudly. “Oh, it was no problem at all, Inco. I just thought that the students would appreciate a little flair to their track and field day. I remember my old ones back at high school were kind of boring. Besides I had some help from some friends to get everything set up so the praise should really be on them. What do you think by the way?”
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“I’m sure the students will enjoy making use of the stadium, it will be a new experience to be in a high-quality location. At least for my students, it will be, I don't know about yours.” Inco replied.
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Anon, not content with such an answer, pressed further “This is new for everyone actually, but I’m sure everyone will enjoy it, but what do you think?” Anon fought to keep the smug look he had been nursing off of his face. If his time as a teacher had taught him anything it was that poking fun at people while keeping the veneer of politeness was fun. It allowed him to enact his non-existent fantasy of being a crafty fey creature. Except without the fairies.
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“I think it’s a bit excessive. Couldn’t you have rented out a small abandoned track or something?”
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The monotone reply floored Anon. The direct dismissal of effort sucked all the fun he could have out of the conversation. Inco seemed unaware of the impact of his comment as he shifted his eyes back to the couple.
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“I will handle the opening ceremonies if that is alright with you Principal Anon. Ill let you handle the closing ones.” With that, the brontosaur moved around them toward the staff, who had begun to set up a stage.
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“That was pleasant. He seems quite professional, maybe you could learn something from him, dweeb,” Lucy said.
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Anon was still catatonic, trying to pull himself together after being dismissed so thoroughly.
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“Pull yourself together dill weed, he’s probably just frugal, he didn’t mean anything by it.” Lucy offered
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“Yeah, You’re probably right,” Anon said, mostly to himself
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“Anyway, let’s get going Fang, we have a sporting event to administrate.”
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Anon got a slap on the arm from his embarrassed wife as they walked into the stadium.
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+++++
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The speech principal Inco gave for the opening ceremony wasn’t very inspired. Or at least Anon thought so. The speech was a meandering monotone bore that went on about “togetherness” and that “everyone's a winner regardless”, standard principal stuff. As the principal of Volcano High, he could have written a better speech with one arm behind his back.
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With the opening speeches concluded the students and staff spread out to various parts of the field to begin the events. This included simple things like high jump and races to more unusual choices like javelin and fencing. Lucy had been the one in charge of coming up with and supplying equipment for the events they would be running. She decided to shoot Naser a call to assist her. Anon was somewhat surprised that tree climbing and fire-starting were not on the list given his brother-in-law but Lucy must have kept him on a short leash
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While Anon would have been content with relaxing on the sidelines, as principal Anon had decided it was his duty to actively encourage his students as either a coach or a referee. It also allowed him to have more fun through the liberal application of tomfoolery.
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The first event Anon had to coach was the tug of war. Teams had been split into 4 students and the principal had been assigned Richard “That life of Brian sketch” Large, Chad “ThunderCock” McMaster, Brad “LightningWang” McMaster, and Thad “ElectricPenis” McMaster. Richard was a diminutive raptor that was a close friend of the tricera-trio of the McMaster triceratops triplets, all four of them were star players on Volcano High’s football team. Anon wanted to say something about racial bias with triceratops playing football but since no one else found it weird he kept his mouth shut.
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The 4 boys, who he lovingly called the triceroteers, were up against what seemed like the mutant offspring of an ancient ape with how developed they were. But as the principal of Volcano High, Anon believed in his students, they just needed the right motivation, the right speech.
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“I don’t know what to say, really. Three minutes to the biggest battle of our educational lives. All comes down to today.” Anon began looking at his team.
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“Either we heal as a team, or we are going to crumble. Inch by inch, play by play. Till we’re finished. We are in hell right now, gentlemen. Believe me. And, we can stay here and get the shit kicked out of us, or we can fight our way back into the light.”
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Their eyes were on him, Anon had them hook, line, and sinker.
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“We can climb outta hell… one inch at a time.”
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“Now I can’t do it for you, I’m too old. I look around, I see these young faces and I think, I mean, I’ve made every wrong choice a middle-aged man can make. I, uh, I’ve pissed away all my money, believe it or not. I chased off anyone who’s ever loved me. And lately, I can’t even stand the fa-“
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“Sir, none of that happened.” Richard interrupted.
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“And isn’t that speech from Any Given Sunday?” Chad asked.
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“Shut up” Replied Anon
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The triceroteers went on to win somehow. Anon was pretty sure it was because of his amazing motivational speaking. He wasn’t sure, he had gotten caught up staring at his wife’s butt as she was dealing bending over to pick up equipment or something. The next thing he knew he was being tackled with the boys exclaiming “We won!”
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Thankfully Anon quickly recovered from his distracted state and celebrated with his students. The triceroteers hadn’t won the day just yet. The event was set up as a best of three and the dinos were thrown against the shaved gorillas once again. The massive cavemen seemed to be more on guard for the second round. It was over as soon as it started, Volcano High was too satisfied with their previous win and the Rock Bottom Boys easily yanked the dinos to the dirt. The students of Rock Bottom went on to do their own celebration dance while the tricerateers picked themselves up. The four of them actually looked pretty defeated, lightly arguing among themselves. Anon, with his finely tuned ‘student in need’ sense he inherited from Principal Spears, called a small break to talk with the boys. As soon as they were out of the way they began complaining.
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“Coach, why'd you call for a break? Can’t we just get this over with and sit down? Those guys are huge” ElectricPenis whined
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“There is no way we can win.” LighningWang sighed
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“This is so bullshit.” Dick bitched
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“Well,” Anon looked over the four dinos, each hanging their head low, took a deep breath, and spoke.
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“After hearing that there is no way I’m letting you give up. Now, I want you to go out there and give it your best shot, don’t think about winning or losing.”
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The tricerateers looked at their principal like he was an autist. They were probably right in all honesty.
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“Look, I’ve seen you boys take hits in football practice from guys heavier or bigger than them. There is no way you will get hurt from this. So go out there and give it your best try, Because if you don’t you’ll probably eat dirt again.” Anon leaned in to whisper “Besides in the grand scheme of everything, this doesn’t matter for anything academic, so just try to have fun. What’s the harm in trying.”
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The principal let his speech hang in the air for the students to consider, each of them pondering their own interpretation. When none of the boys responded, Anon called an end to the break and they all returned to the field.
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The triceroteers set themselves up again and their opponents did the same. The second the rope was released; it was immediately pulled taut by the two teams. For a few moments neither team moved, held in a fierce deadlock, but slowly Rock Bottom began to take ground. For every inch they took, Volcano High grabbed half an inch back. Desperately the dinosaurs leaned as far back as they could, digging their heels in desperately into the grass. They would lose eventually.
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Unless they got the right motivation.
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“Win this and I’ll make sure you are all in the same classes with the popular girls for next semester!” Anon yelled out.
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That seemed to do the trick. The triceroteers dragged up a new wellspring of power to turn the tide. Chad, Brad, and Thad finally got their footing to stop the slow slide toward the center. Richard began throwing his entire body weight in time with the heaves of his friends to pull the rope back to their side. Slow but surely, they began picking up momentum, the humans on the other end of the rope were unable to get their own footing back before the triceroteers pulled them past the middle line. The students viewing the battle between the schools cheered as Anon walked over to his students.
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“So…,” Anon started, smug as the Cheshire cat “how do you boys feel after that?”
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“I think you’re a hypocrite, sir.” Chad huffed out, trying to regain his breath,
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“You gave us that big speech about not caring about winning or losing and then pulled that.”
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“The speech was to get you guys to try, motivation was clearly another factor.” Anon countered “Besides I had my fingers crossed when I said that, so it doesn’t count.”
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Anon reveled in the collective groan from his students as he skipped off to the next event he had to oversee. The principal made sure to keep in mind to ask Jenine to coordinate the boys’ free periods together for next semester.
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+++++
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The next event Anon was a part of was less exciting than the last. Or what he was doing in that event was less exciting. He was at the finish line for the 200-meter keeping track of finish times. There really wasn't much mischief he could get up to, at least not without ruining the races. Anon had planned this day for the students of Volcano High, and Rock Bottom by extension, so he would gladly spend a few hours not making a scene.
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Not to say the races themselves weren't exciting. His time before and after Spears' retirement had made him familiar with a number of students. This made the outcome of some races interesting considering he had a few students to cheer on.
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Some like Rick "Mayday" Brennan and Cecilia "Stacey" Pechman gave a strong but expected performance given their chosen club activities. Others like Erik "pizzaball" Andrews, a mischievous fever dream of a student, were surprising standouts among the races. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves so far, even Roxanne "The Feds" Monroe, a shy sickly dinosaur girl he had tended to a few times as assistant nurse, looked like she was having a good time even while out of breath.
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In hindsight, watching the 200-meter wasn’t that boring.
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+++++
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By the time the 200-meter finished it had been lunch, Anon had been looking forward to this. Once again the principal had been able the leverage the kindness of his friends, specifically Rosa. Reed had given anon the idea to ask her to assist with catering. Thankfully, she was available and willing to feed students of both schools. Anon put a fifteen-dollar price on a Rosa-made lunch as a barrier for some students to keep things from getting too far out of hand.
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Rosa enjoyed the positive reception to her cooking skills. Anon wasn’t able to talk much with her, however, due to the influx of students, the best he got was a quick hello before he had to move onward.
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With a delicious lunch in hand, the principal looked around for a place to consume his meal. While sitting with his lovely wife and some of the other Volcano High staff was appealing, Anon decided a meeting of the principals was in order and chose to sit beside Principal Inco. If not to keep good work relations then at least to clear the air between them.
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The dino was situated by himself in the stands, in the Rock Bottom High section of the stands but off by himself. The brontosaur also seemed to be enjoying the fruits of Rosa’s labor, if how engrossed the dinosaur was in his lunch was anything to go by.
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Strolling up, Anon greeted the long-necked administrator, ”Good to see you’re enjoying yourself Inco! Do you mind if I sit with you?”
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The principal hastily swallowed what he had in his mouth before speaking. “Of course not Principal Mous. I’m surprised that you didn’t choose to sit with the rest of your school.”
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“I’m planning to relax with the rest of them later, after a few more events. A few friends from high school are coming by to watch later so I’ll make time then.” The human situated himself down in the available seat
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“So now that we’re at lunch do you still think this was excessive?”
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“I still don’t think going this far was necessary for a track and field day but I can’t deny that I appreciate the effort.”
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Anon chuckled “That’s good to hear. I hope everyone else has a good day as well. Speaking of which, can you tell me some more about yourself.”
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“Like what?”
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“Well…” the human paused to consider his approach
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“How did you know who I was to call me? I don’t remember you being at Rock Bottom when I was there.”
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“That’s because I didn’t go to Rock Bottom. One of the teachers heard that you were taking over Volcano High and talked about your last major incident there to some of the staff.” Inco replied, taking another bite.
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“Then why did you contact me for the event?”
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“You were just the first to come to mind, I needed to implement a Track and Field day at some point, and having a second school involved would make it easier” the brontosaur recalled in a blasé manner.
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“Oh.” Anon was quite disappointed with the answer. He half expected some Inco to have been an old schoolmate long forgotten, but no. Principal Neto seemed to be as plain as his appearance suggested.
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“How about you tell me how you became principal of Rock Bottom High? I'm sure it was much different from my experience.”
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“There is not too much to that story either. I was in teachers college for a few years, worked as an English teacher for a few years, and finally was asked to work as the principal for Rock Bottom a few years ago.” Inco finished.
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Anon took a few moments to consider whether he could be considered a legitimate principal.
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“I worked as a teacher’s assistant for a bit before becoming principal. Did you have a favorite subject to teach?”
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“Nothing specifically, it was a nice job in retrospect.”
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Anon shuffled in his seat awkwardly. “Do you have any hobbies? A sport you like?”
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“Badminton”
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“That’s cool. do you play much?”
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“No”
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The growing sense of unease Anon had developed had only become more prominent.
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“Did you catch any of the events?” Anon asked
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“Not really, I was reading.” Principal Neto said, gesturing to the book in his hands as he cracked it open.
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“What is the book about?”
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“Stories.”
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The monotone the dino replied with was almost as harsh dismissal as a direct statement. Anon was desperate at this point to reach some kind of common ground for a proper discussion.
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“Man those boys you had on the Tug of war team sure put up a good fight. What do you feed them?” Anon joked.
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“I’m not sure. You can ask their parents if you want.”
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“Your students did well in some of the races. Do you know their names? I would like to congratulate them.”
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“I’m afraid I don’t. Sorry.” The principal apologized.
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Anon, desperate to have their talk go anywhere besides ending with him awkwardly leaving, gave Neto control of the conversation.
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“Do you have any questions for me, principal?”
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The brontosaur looked up from the book he was engrossed in and pondered for a few moments “Not particularly.”
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The two principals sat in silence, Anon trying his best to ignore the feeling of embarrassment that was now in place. The human felt like he was being a bother but Principal Neto hadn’t given any hints that he was annoyed, he kept a pleasant tone and answered questions but offered almost nothing to respond to. In the end, Anon had to admit defeat.
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“Okay.” Anon sighed, “Well, I’m going to go finish some paperwork, it was nice talking with you.”
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“You as well Principal Mous.”
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Anon powerwalked away from the social disaster behind him and went to find Lucy. Hopefully, she would be a more welcoming company.
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+++++
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Luckily Lucy was indeed more welcoming, she even had other friends with her as well. Reed and Trish had thankfully found time in their schedules to show up.
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Anon strolled up the trio settling himself down beside Lucy in one of the plastic seats. “Hey, guys thanks for coming out. And I want to thank you especially Reed for renting out the stadium for the day. This wouldn’t have happened without you.”
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The raptor in question, dressed in a bathrobe and pajama pants, toasted his thermos “It’s all good bro, just doing my part by giving back to the community.”
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“I’m glad you at least found something to do with all the money you seem to have.” Grumbled Trish, who had shown up in her work clothes.
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“What’s with the harsh vibes brah? We got good food and good friends, everything’s great.” Reed said, throwing his arms wide to embrace the moment. “It kind of sucks that Rosa couldn’t stay though”
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“I think Trish is just bent out of shape about how much you can drop on a whim and if I’m being honest, I am too little. This stadium was used in the Dinolympics Reed, this couldn’t have been cheap,” Chirped Lucy.
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“If you guys wanted me to send more Christmas presents, you could have just asked ya know.” The millionaire stoner took a long drag from his gold-plated thermos, looking back at the field. The amount of stupid shit Reed spent money on was amazing in retrospect. Anon couldn’t complain though, his bro had more cash than anyone knew what to do with.
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Besides Lucy was just jealous that Reed always sent him a copy of whatever multiplayer game the raptor wanted to try out. Score one for the brohood.
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“What’s this about a score, dweeb?”
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Oh shit.
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“Nothing dear.”
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Nailed it.
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The flat look from Lucy says otherwise but she didn’t press the issue. Trish thankfully moved the conversation elsewhere.
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“Isn’t Rock Bottom your old-school, skinnie?”
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“What?” Lucy whips her head to face her husband with a stern look she always pulled out whenever she thought he was doing something stupid.
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“Oh, this better not be for a fucking revenge plot, or I swear to Raptor Jesus.” She hissed.
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“This one is on me, honest. Their principal contacted me surprisingly enough.” Anon said, throwing his hand in the air in mock surrender.
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“Do you know the guy? Maybe he heard you were taking over for Spears and decided to give you a call,” Offered Trish.
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“I have no idea; I wasn’t sociable back then, so I don’t really remember anyone in particular,” Anon shrugged
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“But the principal’s name is Inco G. Neto, kind of a weird name to be honest.”
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Lucy laughed “Your one to talk Mr. Anon (you) Mous”
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This sent Trish into a wheezing laugh, nearly falling out of her chair. Anon was unamused.
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“Yes, my middle name is stupid, but remember Fang, you’re the one who took my last name.”
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“And I’m quite happy with it, now stop calling me Fang.” Lucy shot back
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“Yes, dear.”
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“That’s cute and all,” Trish said.
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“But I want to know more about this Neto guy. What is he like? And what does the G stand for?”
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“Generic probably” Anon replied tersely.
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“Talking to him is like pulling teeth, the guy barely responds to anything. He seems kind of dull.”
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“Really?” Lucy said.
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“He seemed quite pleased when we first met him.”
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“That’s the thing, he wasn’t rude but I just got the feeling like he wanted to be in his own little world.” Anon huffed.
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“The best I got was a few short answers and learned a few interests about him.”
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“That’s a shame. I was hoping for some drama, like if he was an old classmate or something” Trish sighed, slumping back into her chair.
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Reed, who had been lost in thought, chimed in once more “hey bros, I’ve been thinking. Anon and this Neto dude are actually quite similar when you think about it.”
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Trish gave an exacerbated huff. “How much of that thermos have you had so far?”
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Reed looked down at his ‘drink’ and swished it around a bit. “Bout two thirds, I think. Why do you want some?” He offered the gold thermos to the triceratops, who politely declining to say anything pushed the bottle of narcotics back into his hands.
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“Suit yourself brah, suit yourself,” Reed slowly relaxed back into his seat before whipping around to look at Anon again.
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“But I’m serious dude, you’re both like, really plain. And kinda quiet actually, or I mean you were at first.”
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“Please don’t compare me to him, Reed,” Anon asked.
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"I'm sorry bro, I'm not trying to be mean," Reed pulled himself up into a proper seating position before he continued,
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"But you were really distant when we first met, and it felt like you were hanging out with us just because rather than because you wanted to. Then you mellowed out and really started to hang with us, so it’s all good."
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Reed shot Anon a grateful smile before relaxing back into his seat. Anon watched his friend, waiting for the next strange comment.
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Gasps and cheering from the rest of the crowd brought attention back to the field where the end of the last event, a 1600-meter race, was coming close. Two students were in the lead, one human from Rock Bottom and surprisingly, another human from Volcano high, John “Master Slayer” Doe. Anon had gotten to know this young man over the last year when he had moved and subsequently transferred to Volcano high, helping the boy learn to fit in much as Spears had done for him. He was proud of how far the younger human had come, occasionally wondering if Spears had felt the same at times. The two boys were neck and neck coming around the final turn of the race. At the last sixty to fifty meters of the race, John unleashed a triumphant roar and began picking up speed, creating enough distance between his competition to safely throw himself over the finish line.
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The uproar from Volcano high drowned out the groans from Rock Bottom as students rushed the field. The Rock Bottom students went over to congratulate the second-place runner while Volcano high had taken to tossing John into the air in celebration. Anon kept his chuckles at the poor boy’s expense quiet, the queasy look on the young man's face was priceless. Unfortunately, as much as he would like to stay, Anon has some responsibilities to attend to. Running a track and field day was hard work after all.
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“Sorry to leave you guys so soon, but I need to see Principal Neto for the closing ceremonies,” Anon said before turning to his wife. “Is the equipment fully put away or is it possible to have one last quick event at the end? I’m thinking that a staff vs staff thing for the students might be fun.”
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Lucy’s face scrunched up “Some of it has already been put away but we can have one last event as long as it’s not too crazy.”
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“Thanks, dear” Anon planted a quick kiss on his wife’s cheek before skipping off. His friends wished him good luck as he made his way to the portable stage trying to ignore the feeling like he had forgotten something.
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On his way, Anon stopped by where the rest of the students were preparing to launch John into space and broke up the crowd before the smaller human threw up everywhere. With the teenager safely on the ground and looking less green than before, the principal shook his hand, congratulated him, and continued onward to the stage.
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In a single mighty leap, the human launched himself onto the one-foot-high stage. Everything was already set up, Principal Neto was standing near the microphone and looking out into the slow congregation of students. Now all he needed to do was come up with a speech. Thankfully he was good at improv.
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“Good afternoon students! I hope everyone enjoyed the lunch graciously provided by my friend Rosa Castellanos. Be sure to thank her and mister Reed Pikemin for making this track and field day as special as it is. Don’t take what’s in his thermos. I’d also like to thank the staff of Rock Bottom for coming out today and helping with setting up and monitoring events.” most of the students had checked out at this point. Anon didn't mind, he still fondly remembered his days in high school, boring speeches included. However, Anon was a provocateur at heart and knew how to bait people in when he wanted to.
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"Unfortunately, my students… have failed me.” That was an easy head-turner, he could even spot the Tug of War team’s looks of confusion from here.
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“As principal, I strive for excellence for my school, and I expect the same from my students. After counting up the placements from both schools it seems that we are currently at a tie. This is unacceptable, the better school must be determined.” The students and most of the staff seemed to be on the edge of their seats at this point now for the kill. Getting his ideas across usually required some amount of convincing, mortals did not easily understand autism in its raw form.
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“The fates of the school shall be decided by one final competition between…” Anon took a quick survey of the adults around him, the nearest being Principal Neto. Bingo.
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“Myself and the principal of Rock Bottom high school.” Now he just needed a sport. Thankfully Inco provided an answer
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”The final winner shall be decided through a best of three in badminton!”
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The crowd gave a few laughs and cheers, the students probably enjoyed the thematic setup he provided to the short game of badminton. Bragging rights were highly sought after in the ecosystem of high school. Granted those rights were tied to a school that they would most likely never interact with again in the next couple of years so it was mostly worthless. Most of the students were probably happy over the possibility of two grown men going out to make fools of themselves. It should be fun.
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Now if only he could shake the feeling that he was still forgetting something. As he turned away from the crowd he met with the piercing glare of Principal Neto. That’s what he was forgetting, he didn’t talk to Inco about the staff event. Whoops.
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+++++
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If Anon could sum up the current situation in a few words he would choose: too comfortable with shitposting. Or at least the equivalent to whatever he does as principal. Too often the staff of Volcano High had been able to roll with whatever he came up with that Anon had completely overlooked the fact that Rock Bottom High had no experience with his on-the-spot decisions.
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This led to Principal Neto cornering him while the netting was being set up.
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“I don’t know what you were thinking Principal Mous but I won’t stand for this sort of tomfoolery. Tell them to tear down the net and let’s get everyone to go home. This is a waste of time.” The brontosaur demanded.
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“Inco, I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you about this before I announced it but is playing a quick best of three really that much to ask? Besides, the students will probably enjoy the two of us going at it for a bit. Just try to have fun.” Anon replied, watching the field.
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“What’s the point?! I’m sure the students will appreciate being able to head home earlier than what you’re planning. We have done our job here.”
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The human’s face twisted into a grimace. Neto wasn’t wrong in this case, he knew as a teenager he would have been alright with being able skip the whole track and field day in its entirety. But that was before he met Fang and the rest of Volcano High.
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“As I said, this is for the kids. When was the last time you did something fun or stupid for them?”
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The dinosaur huffed “You mean how it was fun when you ruined an entire school's worth of equipment. Or the constant problems you cause your staff. Where is the fun in this Mous, or is it only to inflate your ego?”
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That hurt. While Anon knew he could be a nuisance at times, he tried to keep it all in good fun. Bricking the computers was an honest mistake and most of his japes were toward his lovely wife. His students seemed to enjoy every outcome, the times when he succeeded and the times he got his ass beat included. This wasn’t an issue of ego that’s for sure. But he also hadn’t been given much push back on his plans before now, so maybe a little consideration could do the trick. After all, he wasn’t the only principal in the world.
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”If you are adamant about not doing this you can go and tell everyone. I’ll ask around for someone else to take your place.” Anon said, gesturing to follow him.
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Inco looked taken aback “What? This was your idea. You have to be the one to disappoint them, not me. I’m not the one who decided to announce it and make a fool of himself.”
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Anon shot the taller principal a glare. “I’m not going out to deliver your message for you. If you don’t want to participate you are on your own. The deciding match is going to happen, I already promised that. Just tell everyone you have a bad back or something.”
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Principal Neto did not move, he only looked at the crowd of students gathered in the stands. Anon took this as Inco’s agreement to participate. Both principals continued to wait on the sidelines in silence.
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+++++
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Thankfully the two didn’t have to wait long. Soon the net was in place and rackets were provided. The serving order would be Anon, Inco and finally, Anon should the third round be required.
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The two moved to their side of the court. Anon threw the shuttlecock high into the air and easily swatted it over the net at Inco. The dino lazily sent it back over. That's how the game progressed for a few passes. The human ran, dived, ducked, and dodged to send the birdie toward his opponent, while slowly moving toward the net. The brontosaur however only needed a few steps to send it back over with surprising accuracy. This was the status quo until Anon found his moment and went for a spike. Inco pulled back in preparation for the hit. The caveman lept high into the air and swung with all his might. Right before he made contact, Anon cut off the momentum of his racket leaving enough energy to lightly tap the birdie onto Inco’s side of the court.
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Anon didn’t expect much, but the few cheers that didn’t sound like his friends warmed his heart. Anon kept his eyes on Inco, the other principal’s face shifting from surprise to annoyance, or was it determination, Anon couldn’t tell. They squared up once more for the next serve.
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What a serve it was. Inco, not enjoying the taste of defeat, unleashed a piss missile of a shot which Anon bearly returned. Once again a status quo was formed. However, it seemed Inco was out for revenge. The dinosaur was far more active, batting the shuttlecock all over the court and moving to intercept quicker. Anon was now firmly on the back foot, struggling to keep up. Much like the first round, Anon found his moment to go for a fake spike. Inco was ready this time. Throwing the racket forward, he dove for the birdie. Catching his racket in his teeth, the principal sent the birdie back over and past Anon with a quick flick of his neck.
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There were more cheers this time, with everyone amazed by the comeback from the principal of Rock Bottom. Anon dwelled little on his loss and moved to make his final serve.
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The two Principals had seemingly reached the peak of their abilities in the third round. Inco was dashing around the court, adding in flourishes to his strikes, the back and forth still heavily in his favor. Anon had not given in yet, a diet of Mexican food and dino nuggets fueling him, but still struggled to match his opponent. Then Principal Mous saw his chance to spike so clearly, almost too clearly. Principal Neto had given him the perfect spike shot, almost goading him to try once more. Anon took that as a challenge and ran forward. In the time it took him to leap, Anon’s thought process had broken down under the strain of trying to figure out if this was a bait and if he had handed over the win. With no other options, he turned to his ancient caveman brain and swung as hard he could. Inco clearly thought he would do otherwise as the birdie sailed past his face into the ground behind him.
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+++++
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With the final shuttlecock touching down, the crowd erupted in cheers. Both principals moved to meet at the netting
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“I’ll admit,” the brontosaur huffed. “That was fun. I haven’t played like that in years.”
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“No kidding? You were pretty good for someone out of practice. Where did you get so good?” Anon asked, equality out of breath
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“I was a regional player in high school. What about yourself Anon?
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“I have no idea. I was winging it the entire time.”
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The uncomfortable stare he got from Inco would have made Anon laugh if he wasn’t busy breathing. God, he was out of shape.
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“I gotta ask something. What does the G in your name mean?”
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“Oh? It stands for G-” unfortunately Inco’s reply was drowned out by the deluge of cheering students charging from the stands.
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Anon took the pathetic attempt to dogpile his powerful caveman form with grace and let some of the larger students knock him to the ground. It was definitely not because he was tired from badminton.
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Inco seemed to be startled by the barrage of questions from the students however, not expecting, or perhaps not used to, the attention. He answered the questions as best he could, bashfully accepting the praise.
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By the time the students had calmed down enough to be ushered off to the waiting transportation and the two men could return to their conversation, Anon had forgotten his initial question. Clearly, the answer would have to come another day.