# Bad Bitch Stella Chapter 1

Chapter 1
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[Anon]
"Remind me again why I'm here?"
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[Stella]
"Haha, to watch the new pilot of SAO with me of course!"
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[Anon]
"Yeah, so, WHY am I here?"
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[Stella]
"Oh come on, it can't be that bad. I know season two was kinda weak, but this is gonna be infinitely better cause..."
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She drones on after that, but I'm not really listening till she elbows me in the side.
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[Stella]
"...plus you have me to yourself. Isn't that cool?"
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[Anon]
"Uh-huh"
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We're just outside her room in the Volcano High dorms. I didn't even know there were dorms.
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She's sharing a room with Rosa, they've told me. I assume that's how they got to be friends to begin with, because I can hardly imagine any other scenario in which anyone would willingly befriend Stella.
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I mean, she's okay but her random weird stuff is just... Weird. Like with the cards.
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If only she had normal interests she'd be like an 8/10 qt3.14. Or if she kept quiet.
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She opens the door and ushers me inside. For some reason I was expecting the walls to be covered with pink plush carpeting, a rug and bedsheets to go with it. With pink everything, really.
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The room looks like just another dorm room though. Cupboards, a bunk bed, two desks, and a mini fridge. There are some school supplies and clothes thrown around.
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The only out of ordinary thing are the posters. Or to be more specific, the absence of them. Almost the entire wall is covered with dots and lines, some of which I recognize as constellations.
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What I guess to be moon cycles is also up there right next to the bed.
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[Stella]
"Sorry, I didn't really have the time to clean up."
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She's blushing as she says it. Kinda cute.
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Without much ceremony, Stella picks up a laptop from one of the desks, and puts it on the top bunk.
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[Stella]
"Alright Anon, get up! I'll be back in a sec."
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She disappears behind a door that I didn't even notice was there, the drawings on it blending in with the wall too much.
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So um. She wants me to...
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Uhhhhhh...
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I was under the impression that we were going to like, sit in chairs? Maybe a big sofa.
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But not share a bed. A single bed, mind you.
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Ugh, how am I going to explain this to Fang?
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...
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Fine.
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I climb the ladder and sit upon the edge, my legs dangling down.
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There are some plushies by her pillow. One of them could be a rabbit, but the others are various nondescript figures that I can't place.
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Her bed smells nice.
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True to her word, Stella returns just a few moments later.
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Wait. Oh my fucking god.
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Is she fucking cosplaying?
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In place of her usual shirt and short jeans attire she's donned a weirdly - or should I say tactically - cut green-white leotard kind of deal, a white scarf, and a blue wig.
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Even with my limited knowledge, I can tell that she's supposed to be the new heroine from the season three trailers. Whatshername.
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She's even got the tiddy for it.
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The only thing breaking the image is that spindly leg grab with her tail Stella often does.
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[Stella]
"W-well, how is it?"
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There's that blush again.
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[Anon]
"Umm, nice?"
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I don't know what kind of answer she was expecting, but she seems content with "nice".
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She climbs up halfway, and motions for me to lay properly on the bed instead of sideways.
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Oh no, she seriously wants to do it like that? Being pressed shoulder to shoulder on this narrow fucking bed?
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Not to mention other extremities...
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Fine. She won that bet after all.
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Ugh, I'll never live this down.
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I shuffle my body around, careful not to knock Stella off the ladder, and lay on my stomach as close to the wall as I can get.
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She gets up next to me, and puts her laptop on the pillow.
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I want to point out that this way the poor machine will overheat and get full of dust and shit, but I don't really care that much. I just want to get this thing over with.
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Our bodies unavoidably press together as Stella gets comfortable. With her suit cut as it is, I'm very sure that her butt touches me multiple times.
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How is this not bothering her? I'm sure that my face is plain red right about now.
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Thank fuck I'm laying dick down and don't have to be concerned about Stella noticing my hard-on.
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After a few minutes of browsing we find the stream that she wants to watch. Her girlish excitement is kinda cute, I guess.
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She's constantly babbling on something about this or that idol or whatever, who is apparently the hostess.
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Eventually the intro starts up, and I get deafened by a shrieking Stella.
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[Stella]
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
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[Stella]
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
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[Stella]
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
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She grabs one of her bigger plushies, and muffles her screams.
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Not for long.
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As soon as the actual opening comes on, she sings along in a very, very broken Wapanese.
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Almost as if she forgot that I was there.
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I try to be nice and gulp down the cringefest about to come on. Truth be told, her out of bounds enthusiasm moves some long forgotten part of me.
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When was the last time I browsed headlines without looking for the next tortanic?
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I push the existential dread aside and return my attention to the show.
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The opening has ended, and now we are following some generic looking anime goons. It really isn't anything special, but Stella doesn't seem to care.
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Her legs are up in a crossed position to stop them from running an invisible treadmill, and her tail is non-stop thrashing around.
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Every now and again it wraps around one of her legs, but often she mistakes my leg for hers.
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The closeness and touchiness of this girl quickly push my alarms to maximum level, and I can't even concentrate on the episode.
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Instead I'm wiping sweat off my brow, and trying not to pay attention to her ass jiggle as she jumps every time something quote un-quote exciting happens.
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Unwelcome thoughts crowd my mind, like "Does Stella even have a boyfriend?" and "Oh fuck I can't tell Fang about any of this.".
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The episode and stream eventually end, and she once again screams into the plushie.
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There's a cliffhanger that I don't really care about, but Stella is on edge.
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[Stella]
"OmigoshAnonwasn'tthatthecoolestthingyoueversaw?"
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[Anon]
"Okay."
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I have no idea what the fuck she just said.
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She turns onto her back, staring wistfully up at the ceiling.
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One more scream, and it looks like she's composed herself enough to actually speak coherently.
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[Stella]
"That was pretty cool, right?"
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[Stella]
"Don't you think that Dinon was cool? She's so brave!"
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I have to carefully think about what I say here. Even though it's Stella we're talking about, I don't want to take these giddy feels away from her.
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[Anon]
"Y-yeah, it wasn't that bad."
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[Anon]
"Can I go now?"
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[Stella]
"Aww, you really didn't like it then? But it was so AAAAAAH! PEW PEW"
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She's even doing the finger guns, in my face of course.
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[Anon]
"It um... It's just not to my taste?"
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...
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She goes silent after that, tugging on her sticky leotard awkwardly.
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[Stella]
"Will you watch the next episode with me?"
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I'm so flabbergasted that it takes me quite a few seconds to come up with a reply. Both because of the question itself, and her tender voice as she asks it.
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Not like I in any shape, way, or form benefitted her experience. I mean, she just watched the episode like normal. I didn't even need to be here.
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It hits me that she probably has no one to watch anime with, despite it being a huge part of her life.
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Maybe she gets Rosa to do it every now and again, but it's not like Rosa would care about this stuff.
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[Anon]
"This is pretty important to you, right?"
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She blushes, hiding her face with the plushie till I can barely look into her eyes.
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[Stella]
"Yes."
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I will regret this. I will SO regret this.
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[Anon]
"Okay."
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[Stella]
"Really, you would?"
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She muffles another scream, obviously excited.
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[Anon]
"But umm, I really have to go now. I uh, promised Fang that uhhhhh..."
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[Stella]
"Yeah, yeah, okay. I gotta study anyway."
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I wait for a second or two for her to get off the bed, but it's apparent that she won't. She's just looking at me expectantly.
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Fine.
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I try to climb over her, touching her as little as I can.
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Dontlookathertits.
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Once again, I feel her tail wrap around one of my legs and I stop dead in my tracks. Practically doing a handstand above her.
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[Anon]
"Uhh, Stel--"
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She cuts me off.
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With.
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A.
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Fucking.
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Kiss.
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I'm frozen on the spot, the best I can manage is not letting my hands give away as she grabs onto the collar of my jacket.
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In that moment, I'm unnaturally aware of the heat and scent of her body, how her tail tightens around my muscles. Even the ever so faint strawberry flavor of her lipstick.
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It takes all of my willpower not to return the kiss. I fact, I might even fail a bit in this regard.
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Sadly-- I MEAN THANKFULLY, it doesn't last long, Stella withdraws with one last - actually painful - love bite into my lower lip.
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She retreats behind the plushie till once again only her eyes are visible. At the same time, her tail lets go of me.
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[Stella]
"You should leave now, Anon."
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Bitch what the fuck.
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Yeah, I will be leaving.
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I quite literally spin-fall off the bed akin to my morning ritual, dashing out the fucking door as soon as my feet land on the ground.
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* * *
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My head is spinning as I exit the building.
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What the fuck just happened.
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I light one of the smokes that Fang lent me, taking a long drag.
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I'm starting to believe that the ONLY reason Stella wanted me here today was to pull this stunt.
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Fucking hell.
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Now I seriously can't tell Fang about any of this.
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I notice residue of Stella's lipstick on the filter.
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Shitfuck.
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Wiping my mouth reveals that not only am I throughoutly covered with it, but that her love bite actually drew blood.
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Well here's the conversation: "Oh yeah hey Fang, nah don't worry about it I just headbutted the sidewalk haha!"
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Raptor Jesus give me strength...
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I think about going back in there and force Stella to explain. Although, what is there for her to explain?
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An affair is pretty fucking straightforward.
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The worst part is that I don't exactly hate Stella for this.
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I look down at my hand, smeared with lipstick and my own blood.
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Slowly I lift it up to my mouth, and lick it.
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Maybe I'm imagining it, but there seems to be a slight strawberry flavor to it.
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...
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I shake my head, trying to get these damn thoughts out of it. I wipe my face again and finish the cigarette.
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Fucking Stella.
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* * *
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The rest of the evening goes by with me trying to figure out how to explain this to Fang, but to no avail. I seriously doubt that I'll be able to hold a poker face next time I see Stella.
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To top it all off, there's a part of me that keeps going back to that kiss, and how I felt seeing Stella be genuinely excited for her shitty anime.
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There's no denying that I've enjoyed both of these feelings and the excitement that comes with like, secret love in the woods.
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I heat up some leftover food, but can't be bothered to really take a bite.
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After a quick shower I go straight to bed, skipping the nightly round of shitposting.
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I toss and turn for a long time, unable to get the image of Stella in that tight suit out of my head.
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So much so, that I end up messaging her about it. It's about midnight, but she might be up.
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Maybe if I don't bring up the kiss she won't either?
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Wait, will she think that I'm encouraging this shit if I message her?
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...and ask for nudes?
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Nnnnnnnnnnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
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You're right boner, what's the worst that could happen?
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[Anon]
"hey u sleeping"
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[Anon]
"r u still wearing the thing"
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Punctuation is for retards.
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A minute or so later she replies.
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[Stella]
"hi Anon!!! <3"
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[Stella]
"yeh, y?"
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Uhhhh...
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A fucking heart right out the door. I should stop.
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I type in "send a pic", but then erase it without sending.
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Then I do the same with "send nudes", "send feet", and "bobs and vagene".
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I ALMOST do fucking send "bitch lasagna" by accident.
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After that I just start typing in and deleting random letters so that she thinks I'm actually writing a message.
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What am I even doing? This is so wrong. I have a girlfriend for fucks sake.
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But then again, my dick knows exactly what it is I want. Plus it's kind of adorkable that she still has it on.
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Fuck me here it goes.
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[Anon]
"send a pic?"
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[Stella]
"!!!"
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Oh no.
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I fucked up.
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Did I fuck up?
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Yes.
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No.
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Maybe.
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I don't know.
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Could you repeat the question?
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Na nana na naan naanaaa...
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I start zoning out, but then she really does send a picture.
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It's dark - probably didn't want to alert Rosa -, but I can definitely make out two shapely legs and a tummy, for reals still in the leotard. She's in bed too.
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One of her legs has her tail curled up on it. Wouldn't be Stella if it wasn't.
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I find myself smiling like an idiot, but horny and excited as well.
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[Anon]
"cute"
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[Anon]
"more?"
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This won't end well, but I can't stop now.
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[Stella]
"okie gimme a sec :$"
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It actually takes her so long to send the next message that I almost fall asleep.
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It's another pic, in a lit room this time. The flooring would suggest the bathroom.
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The picture is of one of her hands.
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I don't get it, until I notice some opaque slimy goop on the end of her fingers.
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[Stella]
"sowwie daddy, had a little accident <3"
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Oh fuck. Oh god. Oh shit. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck.
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Wait that's hot as fuck.
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BUT OH NO
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Did she just fucking seriously...?
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I mean, I was jerking it a little to the other pic but...
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Well anon that's it, you're a chad now.
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But this is so fucked up.
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Maybe... S-should I send an image back?
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No, a dick pic might be over the line. It's been like, PG-13 so far.
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[Anon]
"hawt"
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She sends another pic not long after. It would be of her boobs, but it's all blurry. Like she fell while taking it.
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Her next message explains it all.
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[Stella]
"fuk i woke rosa"
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[Stella]
"sry bye <3"
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I'm mortified at the prospect of Rosa finding out about this. I hope Stella can explain it somehow. Or at the very least get the shoe-to-the-face treatment for being a slut and not for...
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For um...
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Sending nudes to a guy with a girlfriend?
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Damn why did I do this?
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I'm immediately filled with shame and guilt, eclipsing the horniness from before.
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There is NO WAY I'll be able to explain this shit to Fang anymore. No. She can't know about ANY of this.
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...
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Dick still in hand, I mutely jerk off to the pics Stella sent, and go the fuck to sleep.
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* * *
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BEEP BEEP BEEP
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My Monday morning alarm pierces the veil of my feverish dreams, being chased by a shotgun wielding Fang.
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6 AM.
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I feel like shit, and I know that I deserve it.
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The food from yesterday is still on the table. I poke at it a little, but can't get myself to force down a single piece.
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I've done something unforgivable.
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And the worst part? That it's not even over. Oh no.
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Today my newest dark secret might be revealed for all the world to know.
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By Rosa? By Stella? Hell, even by me if I slip up.
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I can't rationalize why I even did it, besides getting a kick out of it. I love Fang.
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I flip through my messages, hoping that it'll turn out to be a dream.
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But no, the entire conversation is there, clear as day.
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This is a nightmare.
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I can't even ask anyone for advice...
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Well... Maybe I could ask Reed? He's a bro so maybe he'll keep it a secret. Then again, he's Fang's friend first. He might just cut ties with me and tell her.
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And really, I'd totally deserve it.
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Still, it's the best plan I can come up with. That and trying to find Stella alone somewhere, and clear up the situation with her.
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It might be fixable. I'll just have to apologize to Fang, and HOPE that she will understand.
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* * *
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Fortunately Trish is absent today, so I can have a talk with Reed alone during math, our first class of the week.
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Also fortunately I haven't yet run into Fang. Or Stella. Or Rosa.
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My luck can only hold on for so long though, and Reed immediately gets suspicious of my fidgeting around.
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[Reed]
"Something up, bro?"
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...
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[Anon]
"Reed um, can you keep a secret?"
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[Reed]
"Hells yeah man, what's up?"
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[Anon]
"Even if it's something really fucked up?"
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He gets serious all of a sudden.
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[Reed]
"Yeah."
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I contemplate backing off or lying. But I know Reed enough that he won't have it, not after this intro.
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[Anon]
"I seriously fucked up man. Like, really-really seriously fucked up. And I don't know what to do."
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He expects me to continue.
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I don't even know where to begin...
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[Anon]
"You know Stella won that bet the other day and got me to watch some shit with her?"
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[Reed]
"Uh-huh"
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[Anon]
"So we were alone in her room, and she got me onto her bed and--"
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His eyes widen.
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[Reed]
"You did not!"
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[Anon]
"No. NO! It uh..."
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[Anon]
"After the episode she like, kissed me out of fucking nowhere! I bolted the fuck away but..."
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[Anon]
"But..."
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[Reed]
"But?"
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I can't do it. Jesus Reed, you would never talk to me if you knew...
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I take a look around, thankfully nobody is paying us any attention.
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I open my mouth to formulate the words, but they're stuck in my throat.
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[Anon]
"I-- then-- at night--"
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To my surprise, Reed's troubled face turns to a grin. Although he drops it quickly.
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[Reed]
"Dude, you did the jenkem to the kiss?"
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[Reed]
"Yeah that's kinda fucked up but like... You just gotta let her down, you know like--"
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[Anon]
"It was pictures. She sent pictures. I asked and she sent them."
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That shuts Reed right the fuck up.
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Yeah.
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[Reed]
"...you serious?"
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My silence is answer enough.
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Reed slumps back into his chair. He looks like someone that refuses to believe what he just heard.
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[Reed]
"Man, that's fucked up. What are you going to do?"
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[Reed]
"Fang doesn't know jack, right?"
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[Anon]
"She doesn't. Not yet."
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He just nods.
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[Anon]
"I don't know what to do man. I figured that I'll talk to Stella today and get her to back off, but I don't know how to handle the Fang situation."
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[Anon]
"Help me out here man, please!"
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At that exact moment, my phone buzzes.
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It's a message from Stella.
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I show the notification to Reed for dramatic effect, and he looks back at me with a very fucking intense look.
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[Reed]
"I can't, Anon. I'll keep this a secret, but Fang is my friend and I won't lie to her."
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[Reed]
"I'll hold her off for today so you can handle Stella. But you better fucking explain it to her after."
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He sighs, and continues in a softer tone.
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[Reed]
"You fucked up. Fang might be willing to look the other way, cause you seriously seem like you know that it's fucked. And that you were the one to fuck it into the ground."
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...
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That's more than I could have hoped for. Thank you based god Reedman.
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[Anon]
"Thanks dude. I owe you a big one."
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He holds his hand up at that.
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[Reed]
"Nah. You make it up to Fang and we're square, aight? But this is a one time thing, you better believe it."
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I'm about to respond when the bell goes off. Reed immediately gets up, and leaves me with a you-so-do-not-want-to-fuck-this-up stare.
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Yeah, yeah.
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I remain in my seat almost throughout the entire period, minimizing the risk of running into Fang.
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Right, I should check the message from Stella. Maybe she feels guilty too. Maybe she's realized that this is wrong.
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[Stella]
"i got called a bad girl Anon"
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[Stella]
"am i a bad girl? <3 <3"
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My mind goes blank, and essentially I do the blinkingguy.gif motion.
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No fuck this. This is my chance. Reed should take care of Fang, so I just need to get to Stella before this all goes belly up.
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[Anon]
"lunch. roof."
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The bell rings again as I type, so I shut the phone and sprint to the next class.
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Which is music, oh no.
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I can feel my phone buzz, probably Stella sending her reply.
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By the time I get there, the class has already started.
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I look around nervously, scanning the room for Fang.
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[Mr. Jingo]
"I'm afraid your partner won't be back for a while."
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[Mr. Jingo]
"They're helping Reed with something-something school mascot something-something."
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THANK FUCK
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[Anon]
"O-okay."
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I'm handed an assignment sheet, and left to my own devices. Really, I don't care one bit.
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As soon as the teacher is back to whatever the fuck he's doing I take my phone out to check the message from Stella.
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There's a couple from Fang too.
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[Fang]
"soz ditching w/ reed"
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[Fang]
"ill help u after school :V"
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Wow. If I wasn't yet feeling shitty, that sure did it.
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Okay, let's check the other one.
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[Stella]
"okie <3"
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Plus there's a closeup of her mouth, doing a blowjob gesture with her hand.
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This fucking bitch.
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...
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Still hot tho.
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* * *
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I get onto the roof with conflicted feelings.
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Would it be that bad to keep Stella around? That is, if we can keep it a secret? Looks like that's her agenda here.
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If she wanted me and Fang to break up, she's got more than enough leverage on me.
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Like okay this is a major fucking red flag, but it's not like I'm hurting Fang...
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On the other hand, I'm not sure that I'd be able to face myself in the mirror ever again. Fang would surely know that something's up, and then it would be only a matter of time till she figures it out.
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Plus there's Reed, who would never let me get away with it.
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Let's stick with the original plan.
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Scanning the surroundings I conclude that I'm alone on the roof. No messages from Stella, so I'm assuming she's on her way.
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I assume correctly. In only a minute or two she makes her appearance.
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She's wearing her usual shirt and shorts combo.
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Part of me is thankful for that. Makes this all the more normal. Normal-er.
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[Stella]
"Hey, Anon!"
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I don't respond, but instead grab her by her forearm and forcefully drag her behind the little shed Fang preened on top of that one time.
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[Stella]
"Geez! Okay!"
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She janks her arm back. Seems like she's not really sure what to expect.
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I take a deep breath. Let's do this.
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[Anon]
"Stella, this can't continue."
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[Anon]
"I have a girlfriend, who you know by the way."
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[Anon]
"I shouldn't have led you on last night either, so I am sorry, okay?"
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[Anon]
"But please, let's not go any further than this."
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I can't bring myself to keep eye contact.
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There's total silence for a while.
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She steps closer, causing me to back into the wall.
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[Stella]
"No further, so... We should keep things as they are?"
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She grabs onto my belt with both hands, pulling her body close to mine.
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[Stella]
"Cause I really am your bad bitch now, Anon..."
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I'm speechless.
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I want to push her away too, yet I can't find the strength to lift a single finger.
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[Anon]
"That's not what--"
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I'm cut off by the creaking of the door.
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Oh no.
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[????]
"Are you sure this is okay?"
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[????]
"Isn't the roof like, off-limits?"
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...is that fucking Naser?
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[????]
"It'll be fine."
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Yep, and that's Naomi. I could never forget her annoying ass voice.
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[Naser]
"Shit fine, let's do this..."
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Oh god, what are they doing?
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A quick check at Stella tells me that she's just as frozen as I am.
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I can hear clothes shuffling, and a belt being undone.
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No.
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Oh god please, please no.
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Nooooooooooooooooo!
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The unmistakable noise of a blowjob hits my ears.
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This can't be real. I've fainted, and this is just a dream, right? Right?
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The lewd sounds continue for a good minute, and it doesn't sound like they'll be done soon either.
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To my horror, Stella starts whispering into my ear.
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[Stella]
"Aww Anon, maybe we should do something too?"
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[Anon]
"No shut the fuck up!"
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My voice is merely a panicked whisper.
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There are now disturbing fucking throat sounds coming from the other side of the shed.
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[Stella]
"Mmmm, can you hear how hard Naser is giving it to her? So hot, right?"
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She's unzipping my pants as she says it, reaching for my dick.
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[Anon]
"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!"
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[Stella]
"Make me."
​
Stella is no longer whispering, getting down on her knees. She's successfully released my dick from my boxer, and is now waiting with an open mouth for me to...
​
To...
​
[Naomi]
"Fuck, did you hear that?"
​
[Naser]
"NahIdidn'thearanything."
​
I can see Stella getting impatient, taking a breath to say something again.
​
FUCK
​
I grab the back of her head and force her to take it all. Bitch wants silent, I give her silent. Yeah, talk with a throat full of cock.
​
She's surprised, but to her credit she doesn't gag one bit.
​
I keep her like that, her short snout pressed up against my stomach.
​
My whole body is shaking in panic, yet I'd be lying if I said it didn't feel great. With her unable to move her head, instead I can feel her tongue exploring my length.
​
From the other side of the shed the noises have already resumed. Naser really is giving it to Naomi.
​
By the sounds of it she's taking it like a champ too.
​
[Naser]
"Ffffuucckkk!"
​
I guess that's him finishing. Truth be told, I'm not that far behind.
​
Even in her current situation, Stella is doing all she can to tip me over. Fucking silently too, thank fuck.
​
Somewhere inside the building a bell rings, and the other couple quickly leaves.
​
I'm so relieved that I immediately let go of Stella's hair.
​
But she doesn't budge one bit and keeps going.
​
Oh no.
​
Am I going to...? Will she seriously make me...?
​
There's no way I can get away with the wall behind me. D-do I even want to?
​
I look down at Stella, who's staring right back up at me.
​
There are tears running down her blushed cheeks, my dick still embedded deep in her throat. Nothing but the bulge on the outside can be seen of it, mids the strands of saliva almost reaching down to the floor.
​
Fuck.
​
I grab into her hair, and start to awkwardly move my hips back and forth. Once again, she takes the impromptu facefuck like a pro.
​
Just who is this girl?
​
Soon I reach the point of no return. With one last shove, I force the entire thing down into her throat again.
​
And there I go.
​
Stella closes her eyes, taking the load with loud gulping sounds.
​
Afterwards she backs off, letting my dick pop from her mouth with a lewd slurping sound.
​
Using her shirt she cleans up the drool the best she can, humming to herself contently.
​
Meanwhile, my heart has practically stopped.
​
With the climax over, shame and helplessness wash over me double-fold.
​
My legs give away, and I slide down beside the wall. Thankfully Stella doesn't cuddle up to me, she keeps her distance kneeling there.
​
Maybe realizing how far she went, or maybe for seeing how miserable she's made me.
​
I almost fucking choke up on the spot.
​
That's it, my life is fucking over.
​
U DUN IT NAO ANO MOU
​
I stay there, legs splayed and softening dick still out.
​
...
​
[Stella]
"Are you alright, Anon?"
​
Bitch what do you think?
​
[Anon]
"Yes Stella, how could you tell? This is me being alright."
​
She doesn't reply, but I can tell that she, too, has noticed the change in the mood.
​
After a few minutes, my non-existent dignity compels me to at least put my dick away.
​
[Stella]
"It's okay."
​
Something within me snaps. I look her hard in the eye, and shout so loud that I'm sure the entire school will hear.
​
[Anon]
"OH! It's OKAY?"
​
[Anon]
"Wow Stella, did you read that from the stars? Or a deck of cards?"
​
[Anon]
"Are you such an expert in bitching yourself out from all the hentai doujin that you've read?"
​
[Anon]
"Or maybe it's cause you routinely ruin others' lives? Maybe that's got something to do with you having SOOOO many friends, right?"
​
[Anon]
"Maybe you should just fucking neck yourself, weeb retard!"
​
By the end I'm seething with anger.
​
Somewhere deep down I know that I'm just looking for an outlet to vent my spent up feelings.
​
That I've gone way, way too far.
​
Maybe she's done something wrong, but I played along.
​
Hell, I sound like all the run of the mill bullies from my old school.
​
I want to keep shouting, but I don't even have the strength for that anymore...
​
My shoulders drop, and I can just barely keep myself from curling up in fetal position.
​
I just now notice the hot tears rolling down my face.
​
By some miracle, Stella hasn't left yet.
​
From the corner of my eyes I can see her fists shaking, grasping the end of her jeans so hard that her knuckles have turned white.
​
[Stella]
"T-take that back!"
​
...
​
[Stella]
"Anon, take it back!"
​
...
​
[Stella]
"Please."
​
Her voice is soft. Sounds like she's choking back her tears right now, but won't be able to for long.
​
...
​
I feel utterly and completely miserable right now.
​
Somehow I've managed to piss off or alienate everyone that I know and hold dear in just a few hours.
​
If I don't do something, I'll end up alone, again.
​
Fang and Reed can be mad at me for good reason. Hell, I won't even have anything to say if Naser breaks my arms. Or neck.
​
But Stella... No, I really did just say some fucked up stuff.
​
She might be a huge bitch, but she doesn't deserve this.
​
I'm reminded of her giddy, pure and genuine excitement for her show yesterday. I can't turn someone like that into a broken cynical dipshit like me.
​
Unlike everything else, I still have a chance to make this right at least.
​
[Anon]
"...I'm sorry."
​
[Anon]
"I take it all back."
​
[Anon]
"You're not so bad, Stella."
​
I wipe some of my tears off, not that it really accomplishes anything. She scoots closer, placing a hand on my shoulder.
​
We stay like that for a good while, till my sobbing subsides.
​
[Stella]
"So, are you okay now?"
​
[Anon]
"...I guess."
​
She retreats her hand, coughing a bit.
​
[Stella]
"So um... I'm not stupid, Anon. I know why you called me here."
​
Huh? Where's this coming from all of a sudden?
​
[Stella]
"And I know you're soooo crazy about Fang."
​
So then... What?
​
[Stella]
"But geez, take a reality check!"
​
I... What?
​
[Stella]
"You've known her for what? A month?"
​
[Stella]
"You've been dating for half of that tops. It's not like, you're engaged or whatever."
​
[Stella]
"So what if you fool around with another girl?"
​
I...
​
What she says sort of makes sense but... Fool around?
​
I'm in a relationship for fucks sake!
​
Maybe it hasn't been going on for long, but that doesn't give me the right to cheat on my partner.
​
And if she's right, then what's the deal with Reed?
​
He KNEW that this shit is fucked. And so did I.
​
...
​
Well, I mean...
​
Okay.
​
Not counting my socially uneducated ass, now I have two opposing extremes that both make sense in their own way.
​
Which one would Fang agree with?
​
Let's assume that--
​
[Stella]
"Umm, Anon?"
​
[Anon]
"Huh?"
​
[Stella]
"You've been like, mumbling for two minutes straight, is everything alright?"
​
Fucking mumbling.
​
[Anon]
"Uh, yeah..."
​
She fidgets around a bit, apparently unsure what to do with the situation.
​
Traces of her tears are still visible on her face, though I'm not sure if they from me being a dick or my literal dick.
​
I don't even know which would make me feel worse anymore.
​
...
​
I decide that changing the subject is the best course of action here.
​
[Anon]
"So uhh, like, cards?"
​
At first she doesn't get what I mean - no wonders there -, but somehow she ends up explaining the idea and nuances of tarot cards to me.
​
This time I hear out without any insults.
​
Well, without many insults.
​
Truth be told if I don't focus in on her weirdness too much, she's not bad.
​
Apparently she puts the same amount of care and innocent ambition into anything she likes.
​
Makes me wonder if that includes her, um, friendship towards me.
​
* * *
​
We end up ditching the remainder of the class, then say awkward goodbyes when the bell rings. Stella is the last to leave.
​
The rest of the classes go on without further incident, leaving me to contemplate my life decisions.
​
Fang messages me a few times, short status reports on what they're doing with Reed. Sounds like he's doing good on his promise and managed to trap Fang for the entire day.
​
In a twisted way, it makes me want to laugh.
​
My original plan is all but ruins now, and I haven't gotten a single step closer to solving the issue with Fang peacefully.
​
Quite the opposite.
​
But after listening to Stella and spending time with her...
​
A growing part of me doesn't even want to explain anything to Fang anymore. Like Stella said, we're like...
​
Who even says that we're in a serious relationship with Fang? We've never announced it as such, and only gone on, like, two dates.
​
That's not a relationship, that's literally just dating. Barely. Feeling the waters. So what if I'm seeing another girl?
​
...
​
Who am I trying to convince here?
​
Throughout the rest of the classes, these two contradicting flows of thought keep me in an endless loop.
​
I've had sex with a girl, while in a relationship.
​
HOWEVER
​
It's at best a week old relationship that I'm obsessing over, and therefore I'm overreacting.
​
HOWEVER
​
If that was the case, why did it upset Reed so much? He's acting like I've committed adultery, so it has to be a serious relationship.
​
HOWEVER
​
Not once was it stated that this is a SERIOUS relationship, and therefore I'm overreacting.
​
HOWEVER
​
My initial reaction has to be the correct one, afterall I'm literally half of the relationship at hand and should know my feelings best.
​
HOWEVER
​
My feelings can be just my turboautism acting up after years of nogf, and if I was normal I wouldn't take it this hard. Therefore I'm overreacting.
​
HOWEVER
​
That doesn't change the fact that I've had sex with a girl, while in a relationship.
​
...
​
On and on it goes. My head feels like an infinity symbol.
​
After an eternity of suffering the final bell rings, symbolizing my freedom to go ahead and fuck my life up even more.
​
Fang said that she'd come over to help with my music assignment, but I don't feel like talking to anyone.
​
If it angers Reed then so be it.
​
I shoot her a quick message, excusing myself. She replies something but I can't be bothered to read it.
​
* * *
​
Back in my shitty flat I end up sitting a long time over the now day old tray of leftover dino nuggies.
​
I leave it untouched again. My stomach protests, but I can't bring myself to eat.
​
The best course of action now is to soothe my nerves, to distract myself with something.
​
Shitposting would usually do it, but I don't feel like I could be clever enough to come up with anything good.
​
Rock Ring it is.
​
The mindless nature of shootan eventually brings me sweet delirium, and I don't even notice the sun setting.
​
The flickering light of the screen is all I need.
​
After what could have been eight or so hours of just zoning out, the events of the day painfully crawl back into my consciousness.
​
Checking my phone there's a mixture of messages from Fang, Reed, and Stella.
​
I hate myself for it, but I only want to hear from one of them.
​
Might as well, I deserve to feel like shit.
​
My thumb hovers over Stella's name for a long time before I open the conversation.
​
Only one message, fairly recent.
​
[Stella]
"going 2 bed, how u doin?"
​
My first instinct is to respond with "bad".
​
And for reals? Yeah. That's what I end up sending to her too.
​
[Anon]
"bad"
​
I check the others' messages as I wait for her reply.
​
Reed sent quite a few.
​
[Reed]
"Your classes are over, right?"
​
[Reed]
"Bro?"
​
[Reed]
"Hey man, I can't keep her here forever"
​
[Reed]
"Bro"
​
[Reed]
"Where are you?"
​
[Reed]
"K she's gone home."
​
[Reed]
"Did you talk?"
​
[Reed]
"How did it go?"
​
[Reed]
"Dude what's happening?"
​
He gave up after that.
​
[Fang]
"ye ok i cant come over anyway coz dads a dick"
​
[Fang]
"ugh im gonna kill reed >:V"
​
[Fang]
"and naser too"
​
[Fang]
"how was ur day btw"
​
I contemplate sending "bad" to her too, but then I'd have to explain.
​
I'm about to type in some neutral sounding bullshit anyway, but then Stella's reply arrives.
​
Once again I'm disgusted by how fast I switch over to her from Fang.
​
And yet there's that unmistakable feeling of excitement in my stomach.
​
[Stella]
"aww!! want me to send something to make u feel better? <3"
​
Do I? I don't even know anymore.
​
[Anon]
"how r u feeling"
​
[Stella]
"hot ;)"
​
[Anon]
"srsly"
​
[Stella]
"yeh ;)"
​
[Anon]
"no i mean seriously how are you"
​
...
​
Oh god how long is that reply gonna be?
​
[Stella]
"im rewatching gurren lagann"
​
Huh.
​
[Stella]
"do u like it?"
​
Wow what a pleb.
​
No, my tastes is ultimately better cause-
​
Wait.
​
That's not what I've asked. Could she be having second thoughts?
​
Kinda late for that.
​
[Anon]
"not what i asked"
​
It takes her even more time to reply.
​
[Stella]
"what did you mean I ruin others lives?"
​
Oh. That.
​
Would you look at that, I'm feeling like the waste of society again!
​
[Anon]
"i didnt mean that"
​
[Stella]
"really?"
​
[Anon]
"yes im sorry"
​
[Stella]
"but then why dont I have friends Anon?"
​
[Stella]
"why dont I have a boyfriend?"
​
I have no answer. I mean, what can I say to her that she doesn't already know?
​
"It's because you're so weird."
​
She has to know that.
​
Pretty sure that I've heard Rosa say that to her.
​
I'm also sure that I have too, on multiple occasions.
​
Uhhhhhhh...
​
This is getting awkward.
​
Suddenly, she's calling me.
​
[Anon]
"Uh, hey?"
​
...
​
Bitch speak up already.
​
[Stella]
"Hey, I'm not bothering you am I?"
​
What, like for the last 24 hours? Nah.
​
[Anon]
"Nah, don't worry about it."
​
[Stella]
"Um..."
​
She goes silent again, and I can only hear her breathing for a while. Maybe it's my mind playing tricks, but I swear that her breaths have that raspy undertone, like, could she have been crying?
​
I didn't know it was possible for me to feel worse, but remembering my outburst on the rooftop makes me wish I was six feet under already. I have no idea how she could take that so calmly.
​
Although maybe she didn't, apparently.
​
But still, Stella went out of her way to point out that I need a reality check, like she knows how relationships work.
​
Sure, she could have been just bullshitting me so I keep her as a sidepiece, but there seem to be more to this. It's too sudden for her to be all moody and shit after that.
​
[Stella]
"Why can't I have friends, Anon? Why am I such a freak?"
​
Yeah, my point exactly. Something happened.
​
HOL UP
​
Rosa definitely would not have a crying Stella within five feet of her. She's not there. Or Stella isn't in the dorms?
​
Maybe they've had a fight? I should find out somehow.
​
...
​
...
​
...
​
[Anon]
"Did you have a fight with Rosa?"
​
[Stella]
"Uhm, how did you-- Wait, did-- She told you?"
​
[Stella]
"Is that why you've messaged me?"
​
[Anon]
"What? No. You've messaged me first, remember?"
​
[Stella]
"Oh. Right."
​
...
​
[Anon]
"So what happened?"
​
Why do I care?
​
[Stella]
"I-it wasn't a fight, not really... Um..."
​
[Stella]
"Some of Rosa's friends came over cause they were going out, and Rosa um... She wanted me to come along, but I didn't want to cause I didn't want to ruin their fun, and then Rosa wouldn't let it go, and she said something mean and I got mad and said something mean too, and then they left and I stayed and I feel soooo bad now!"
​
She's talking increasingly faster, but I think I've got the gist of it.
​
It honestly doesn't sound that bad, and yet... Rosa said something mean to her? That would be a first.
​
I mean, her usual go-to is the shoe, so it had to be something fucked up to get Stella this mad over it.
​
Like more so than me literally telling her to kill herself.
​
I'm scared to even ask, but I have to know.
​
[Anon]
"W-what did she say?"
​
[Stella]
"She said that if I don't go I'll just waste my life watching anime! Like that's a bad thing!"
​
I'm certain that my sigh albeit internal is powerful enough to be picked up on radar, and a few AM radio stations.
​
Then I realize it.
​
No matter how laughable and trivial this sounds, Rosa did just offhand confess to not only not caring for Stella's main area of interest, but actively condemning it. Something that I'd wager she didn't let slip until now.
​
That she sees herself better than Stella, who is 'just a weeb'.
​
Considering that Rosa is kinda her only friend, I understand how this could leave a deep wound in Stella's heart.
​
Afterall I am a firsthand witness to how much she cares for her anime.
​
Cringey or not, phase or not, outgrow it she might, for the here and now this is important to Stella, and therefore it's important to me.
​
...
​
Whatwasthat?
​
Uh...
​
It uh, it's important to Stella. Yes.
​
...
​
I should say something.
​
[Anon]
"I see."
​
[Anon]
"So uh, what did you say to her?"
​
Silence.
​
Long ass fucking silence.
​
[Anon]
"Was it that bad?"
​
[Stella]
"Mhm."
​
I can't even imagine. But I guess prying this particular bit isn't helpful.
​
Okay so, what happens now? I can't make this right or magic up some friends for her. Not to mention that I should keep my distance cause of the whole Fang thing.
​
That last part really makes all of this a whole lot more confusing than it needs to be.
​
I guess now it's my turn to make her feel better by being friendly, supportive, and DEFINITELY not flirty so that she won't take it the wrong way. Just make her know that she matters, nothing more.
​
[Anon]
"Well, if it makes you feel any better I totally jerked off to the pics you sent yesterday."
​
...
​
What the fuck is wrong with me? Maybe there's a reason why I write drafts before ordering a pizza.
​
EVASIVE MANEUVERS
​
DAMAGE CONTROL
​
DAMAGE CONTROL
​
[Anon]
"Er, I mean, do a tarot card reading for me?"
​
[Stella]
"Y-you did?"
​
[Anon]
"Let's pretend you didn't hear that?"
​
WHAT WAS I THINKING
​
[Stella]
"T-that's kinda hot, Anon..."
​
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
​
MORE DAMAGE CONTROL
​
[Anon]
"Haha, I'm just joking!"
​
[Stella]
"...oh"
​
[Stella]
"So you didn't like them?"
​
Oh god I'm sweating fucking oceans here.
​
MAXIMUM DAMAGE CONTROL MODE ENGAGE
​
[Anon]
"Haha no! Not one bit! Like how could I, right? Haha! They were terrible! Haha!"
​
Aaaaaaaaaaaand there goes the call.
​
What?
​
What did I say?
​
...
​
Oh.
​
OH.
​
Great. Now she must think that she's a freak AND that she's ugly.
​
I try calling her back, but she's not answering. This is not good.
​
Well, okay, but maybe Rosa will cheer her up, right?
​
Wait.
​
Oh fuck.
​
Oh, fuck me!
​
I try calling again, still no answer.
​
My words from the rooftop echo in my mind.
​
"Maybe you should just fucking neck yourself!"
​
She- She's not seriously about to-
​
Right?
​
Fuck! What's the time?
​
Two in the fucking morning.
​
No way are there buses at this hour. Maybe I could call a taxi?
​
No. I don't want people to know that I'm going to the girls' dorms at night. How could I even explain that to the driver?
​
But... Even if I could by some miracle run all the way there, that'd take like at least half an hour. If she's about to- No, that's just too much time.
​
I try the phone again.
​
"Maybe you should just fucking neck yourself!"
​
Not only is there no answer, but looks like she turned it off too. That or she blocked me.
​
OKAY FUCK IT
​
* * *
​
About an hour later I round the last corner to the dorms. Halfway there my underfed body made it painfully obvious that it's definitely not going to be a half-hour trip.
​
I'm dripping with sweat and wheezing like a chain smoker. My legs are just about to give out. I swear that I can see dots dancing on the edge of my vision too.
​
I've tried calling Stella multiple times, to no avail. Even tried Rosa once, but one second after I dropped Stella's name she threw a wall of Spanish curses my way, then hung up. At least I think they were curses.
​
[Rosa]
"An-on? What is up?"
​
[Anon]
"Rosa! I think Stella's about to--"
​
[Rosa]
"Stella? ¡Fucking PUTA! ¡LA MADRE QUE TE PARIÓ!"
​
[Anon]
"YOU'RE NOT LISTENING SHE'S GONNA FUCKING--"
​
[Rosa]
"¡STELLA VETE AL CARAJO! ¡VETE A TOMAR POR CULO! ¡MIERDA!"
​
Like that.
​
...
​
There's no commotion outside the building, so at least she's not jumped off the roof or anything dramatic like that.
​
People would have noticed, right?
​
One last deep breath, and I'm jogging to the building.
​
Almost made it inside too, before someone tackles me.
​
[????]
"Hold your horses boy, where do you think you're going?"
​
[????]
"We're closed for the night."
​
Fuck, I should have known they'd have security.
​
[Anon]
"Dude you gotta let me in, she's-"
​
[Guard]
"Oh, I'm sure that you'll be able to work this out with your girlfriend. In the morning."
​
WHY THE FUCK IS NO ONE LISTENING
​
[Anon]
"SHE'S ABOUT TO FUCKING KILL HERSELF MAN!"
​
[Anon]
"YOU HAVE TO LET ME IN!"
​
He's taken aback, but still won't let go of me.
​
[Guard]
"What are you talking about?"
​
[Anon]
"Stella! Stella is going to fucking neck herself you meteor dodger faggot now let go of me, retard!"
​
The guard looks like he doesn't know whether to break my jaw or throw me into the bushes. Maybe both, in that order.
​
This is taking too fucking long. Every second now, she could be...
​
Still, this asshole drags me into his booth or whatever instead of letting me save her.
​
[Guard]
"You stay the fuck here, I'm going to make an announcement."
​
[Guard]
"This better not be a fucking joke, you hear me?"
​
He gives me the dead eyes, as if I fucking cared.
​
[Guard]
"This the weird stego chick you talking about?"
​
[Anon]
"Yes, it fucking is. Stella."
​
The PA system cracks to life, and the guard's voice booms over the empty corridors.
​
[Guard]
"Stella! Come to the entrance immediately!"
​
He repeats it, and I'm left there dumbfounded.
​
[Anon]
"Are you fucking high? She's not gonna come here if she's dead!"
​
[Guard]
"Watch your fucking mouth, boy. What's your name?"
​
[Anon]
"What? I- My name is Anon Mous."
​
He returns to the PA one more time.
​
[Guard]
"Stella, come to the entrance. Anon is here for you."
​
My heart skips a beat.
​
Oh, that's just great. Now the whole school will know that I visited the girls' dorms late at night. Stella, specifically.
​
I can just about imagine the rumor mill.
​
...
​
I'm getting increasingly nervous as we wait. Thankfully we have view of the shitty cameras, and eventually a Stella-shaped blob shows up on one of them.
​
Tremendous weights lift off my shoulder, and I almost tear up.
​
She's okay. She's alive.
​
Thank fuck! I don't even care if I'm getting arrested now.
​
We watch her make her way to the gate in silence. A dozen doors open all over the place, but nobody stops her.
​
Once she gets close enough the guard gets up to meet her. I'm practically on his heels.
​
As soon as Stella is through the doors I rush up to her, embracing her in a tight hug.
​
[Stella]
"A-Anon? What's going on?"
​
[Anon]
"Oh god, oh fuck you're alright! You're alright!"
​
She doesn't really know how to respond, and I don't fault her for that.
​
I can feel her awkwardly returning the hug, but the guard soon breaks it up.
​
[Guard]
"Okay boy, you mind telling me what's all this about?"
​
Uh.
​
[Anon]
"Um... I was wrong?"
​
[Guard]
"Yeah. No shit."
​
He looks at his watch, then sighs.
​
[Guard]
"Here's what's going to happen."
​
[Guard]
"I'm going to write a detailed report of how a certain Anon Mous caused a serious disturbance here, late at night. You can bet this is going to have consequences."
​
[Guard]
"While I do that you two take whatever the fuck this is up to her room. But no funny business, or so help me I will make you a sex offender in that report."
​
[Guard]
"Am I clear here?"
​
...
​
[Guard]
"Go. Now."
​
* * *
​
With that, we make our walk of shame up to her room. The stares of the lingering strands of students practically drill holes through us.
​
I'm sure that half of the school already knows, and the rest will know come morning.
​
Including Fang.
​
I don't know if I'm making another mistake here or not, but I decide that turning my phone off is the smart thing to do.
​
Neither of us speaks up until she's locked the door behind us. Actually, not even after.
​
The room is not how I remembered it.
​
It wasn't tidy the last time either, but now it has shit thrown around everywhere. More clothes, books, cards, linen from both beds. I can even see the side of a laptop jutting out from under a cupboard at an angle that surely isn't within the bounds of "intended use". The desks too, have almost all of their shelves pulled out and thrown about.
​
A total battlefield. Makes me wonder if this is the result of her fight with Rosa, or if it happened after.
​
We sit down on the remains of Rosa's bed.
​
Stella looks awkward and unsure. Like a doe in the headlights. Her hair, her mascara, it's all messed up too. In other circumstances, it would be kinda hot.
​
This has got to be about her worst day ever.
​
I can't help but notice her cute pajamas though. The best way I can describe them is "girly". Like seriously what a six-year-old would wear, complete with a mosaic pattern of teddy bears.
​
I'm so lost in examination that I almost miss her soft voice.
​
[Stella]
"Anon, what is going on? Why are you here?"
​
[Anon]
"I, like, when the call- And then when I and the Rosa then, so- And I'm here."
​
[Stella]
"W-what?"
​
Right, let's try that again.
​
[Anon]
"When you hung up I uh, I remembered how I shouted at you on the roof, and that you're fucked up now, and that Rosa won't be here, and I thought that you'd, like, want to and so then I here but the dude, like, the guard dude wouldn't, and then--"
​
[Stella]
"Anon stop! You're not making sense again."
​
Ahhh come onnnn!
​
I take a deep breath to give it another go, but she stops me.
​
[Stella]
"I... Got it."
​
She looks away, embarrassed.
​
[Stella]
"I'm sorry."
​
Huh? What's she talking about?
​
[Anon]
"What? But I'm the one that fucked up everything."
​
...
​
[Stella]
"No Anon, you're not. If it wasn't for me, you would be at home happily sleeping. Hell, maybe you'd be with Fang right now."
​
[Stella]
"It's like you said, all I do is ruin others' lives."
​
I want to protest, but she covers my mouth with a hand.
​
Guess after my eloquent speech it's her turn now.
​
[Stella]
"You were right that I shouldn't have... I shouldn't have kissed you and- And I shouldn't have done any of the things that I did."
​
[Stella]
"But I was so happy that I've finally found someone that doesn't think anime is just a waste of time."
​
[Stella]
"And... I knew that you're with Fang, but I was so caught up with the idea of finally having a boyfriend that I could talk to, and who would care for stuff I care about, that I just..."
​
[Stella]
"And then that night you messaged me, and I was so happy about it!"
​
[Stella]
"...but then all that stuff you said on the roof..."
​
[Stella]
"And I know you took it back, but I knew that you were right. Nobody wants to be my friend, not for real. Even with you, I was..."
​
[Stella]
"I'm just such a homewrecker..."
​
I desperately want to interject before she gets to the murder-suicide part.
​
[Stella]
"But... You still wouldn't want me to go... And you're here now too... And I..."
​
She starts shuffling around, slowly inching her way to me.
​
[Stella]
"I..."
​
I can't help but sit there, frozen to the core as her slender fingers make way for her strawberry flavored lips.
​
The kiss, same as the last one, starts slow and awkward. But whereas she pulled away last time, this time she doubles down.
​
I can feel a dexterous tongue slither into my mouth, and any resistance I might have had melts right away.
​
Every fiber, every atom of my body knows how wrong this is. But I couldn't care less.
​
Our hands find eachother, fingers intertwining.
​
I lay back on the bed and Stella gets on top of me. The kiss breaks merely so we can take a breather. Her hot breath is driving me crazy.
​
I look into her eyes, and she looks back at me. We both know that we should stop. Hell, that we shouldn't have done any of this to begin with. But our lives are forfeit already.
​
Not a second passes and we're connected again, silently confirming that there are no breaks on this train. Not anymore.
​
Our hands drift apart and start to explore all the fun new places.
​
Her scales are smooth but hot against my palm. It doesn't take me long to figure out that she's not wearing a bra right now.
​
Heh. Titties.
​
I've never had one in my hand before. It feels so nice and warm. Plump, but with the right amount of perkiness.
​
Meanwhile, Stella has settled into kind of a missionary position. Or like, reverse missionary. What's it called with the guy on the bottom?
​
Anyway, she's grinding up a storm against my jeans hiding one diamond of a dick.
​
[Stella]
"Anon... I want it... I want you."
​
Oh fuck, that's fucking hot.
​
We're locked in another kiss, only awkwardly breaking it up so I can take her shirt off.
​
It would have been nice to have a look at her like that, but feeling her bare breasts press up against my chest is its own reward.
​
But uh, we should get on the undressing me situation, I guess. How complicated can sex be? Lots of people have it, I'm told.
​
[Anon]
"C-could you um...?"
​
I motion for her to move so I can take off my shirt.
​
She tries, but we don't really manage it. I just can't do it while laying down like this.
​
[Stella]
"Maybe we should..."
​
She gets off of me, and FINALLY I get a good look at her boobs.
​
...
​
She has two of them.
​
They're green.
​
The right one points to the side a little.
​
[Anon]
"You're beautiful."
​
[Stella]
"Get naked already! Geez!"
​
The contrast between her nervous fidgeting against the top-slut-tier blowjob on the roof is day and night. I don't really get what's the difference, but I don't mind.
​
Maybe that was bad bitch Stella, and this is the real Stella?
​
In any case, we both undress. Separately. It's awkward, to say the least.
​
But damn, being naked with a girl is way too exciting. Our faces are so red that you'd think we just ran a marathon.
​
Well, I kinda did.
​
Stella returns to me, dropping her panties just before straddling me again. Her body feels incredibly warm, and the sensation of the tip of her scales ever so slightly biting into my skin is an exciting, alien one.
​
In return my naked dick pokes at her soft thighs. There's an unmistakable moisture covering them.
​
We lay back again, joined in a slow but passionate kiss.
​
She reaches for my dick, but her hand jolts back as soon as she touches it. Once, twice...
​
In the end, I grab her hand and forcibly wrap her fingers around it. Her breath shortens, and every muscle in her body tenses up.
​
It doesn't last more than a second though, and soon she's lining herself up for... Up for...
​
Now it's my body that stiffens, the tip touching her puffy lips. For a fraction of a moment, the sane part of my mind wonders how we've got here. But it's quickly overruled.
​
[Stella]
"A-Anon, I'm g-going to... Okay?"
​
I nod, moving my hands to her waist in encouragement.
​
Instinctively I hold my breath, and I can see her doing the same. Slowly, ever so slowly she descends. I have no idea how to describe the feeling other than "warm".
​
Lines from various doujins and smuts flood my mind, like "velvety insides" and "so hot I'm melting". I feel kinda let down, cause it just feels wet and warm, but it's not like I've expected those to be documentaries.
​
Although as she gets more and more down- It's getting- Yeah it- Oh. Oh, it- Wow.
​
Ohfuckmethisfeelsamazing.
​
My grip tightens around her, which prompts her to stop with a surprised yelp.
​
[Stella]
"A-are you okay? I-is this okay?"
​
Her face is so red that I'm like legit afraid for her brain.
​
[Anon]
"Y-yeah. Is it okay for you?"
​
She just nods, but doesn't go any lower.
​
I pull her into another kiss, and we settle into a lustful yet awkward rhythm. It's apparent that neither of us has any experience whatsoever.
​
Our movement evens out as we get into it, and I risk going in all the way too.
​
It might have been a hasty decision.
​
Stella stops, wincing painfully.
​
[Stella]
"A-ah... Fuck..."
​
I try backing away, panicked, but she keeps me pinned down. And then I feel it.
​
At first I just feel that something weird is going on down there, like it just got warmer and wetter. I have a pretty good guess, and looking there... Yep. Blood.
​
Oh shit. I didn't even consider that she was a virgin like me. Not after that blowjob.
​
I want to apologize, but somehow I feel like that'd make it worse.
​
There are tears in her eyes now, and she's still trying to gulp the pain down. But... She's not looking, like, sad about it.
​
In fact, despite her obvious discomfort she gives me a bright, almost grateful smile. She slows to a halt, running her fingers along my face. In return, I hug her tight - but like, trying to not make her hurt more.
​
Her disheveld hair sticks to her face on several spots, mascara running all over the place. Her eyes are still red from crying, though the rest of her face matches in color now.
​
Nothing short of an absolute mess.
​
Still, in that moment, I feel closer to her than to anyone else in a very, very long time. I- I'm not even sure what to think about that. But I do know that I don't want to think about it. Not now.
​
Right now, I'm...
​
Happy?
​
Yeah... Yeah, definitely! I'm happy to have made her happy. Even in an idiotic manner like this.
​
No. It's not even idiotic.
​
Pushing in all the way like in the pornos? Okay, that was dumb. But taking her virginity? No. I'm not regretting that, and I never will. Relationship drama can go to hell!
​
I can't even comprehend what it must mean for her. She's given her everything to me, and I'm happy for it. I'm accepting HER, the weird occult-shit-loving tarot-card-reading astrology-believer weeb stego that she is.
​
Can't help but smile at that, like she is.
​
Besides, I've practially already given my life up for her.
​
We're just a couple of idiots, admitting it to eachother. Nothing in our lives is more important than the other, not in the here and now.
​
I know that blurting out "I love you" would probably ruin everything and even more, but I'm not far from it.
​
Sadly, the moment doesn't last forever.
​
Her smile drops, rugged breahts testament of the prolonged pain she's enduring. Must be uh, a good pain, I guess.
​
We stay like that for a bit, in the end she collapses onto me. There's a pitiful attempt on her part to bounce up and down, but she can't keep that up for more than a few seconds.
​
[Stella]
"Um... Could we um... Switch places?"
​
[Anon]
"W-we can stop if--"
​
[Stella]
"No, I... I don't want to stop."
​
She gives me a peck on the lips, then gets up. Her stiff, jerky movements show that she's still obviously in pain.
​
Makes me feel like an asshole. But I guess that's just how it works?
​
This time she lays down, and I get on top of her. We start going at it again, but her face contorts in pain right from the getgo.
​
We try kissing to distract her, but it's not working.
​
After about a minute or so she gently pushes me away, and excuses herself to the bathroom. Wow. I hope I didn't seriously fuck something up.
​
I try not to overthink the situation as I wait for her. Instead, I wipe myself off from the various body fluids and put my boxers back on.
​
A few minutes later she returns. With panties on.
​
She sits down next to me, avoiding eye contact. She looks extremely sad.
​
[Stella]
"I'm sorry that I fucked this up too."
​
[Anon]
"Hey, it's okay. I'm sorry too, I wasn't thinking."
​
I pull her into a hug and we lay back, cuddling.
​
We stay like that for a while, enjoying the other's company.
​
[Stella]
"Did you at least enjoy it?"
​
[Anon]
"Yeah, you?"
​
Stupid question.
​
[Stella]
"Um... Yes."
​
Huh.
​
More silence.
​
[Stella]
"Aren't you going to regret it?"
​
...
​
[Anon]
"That's tomorrow talk, okay?"
​
[Stella]
"...okay..."
​
She's not convinced, but I guess part of her appreciates the gesture.
​
I pull her close, cradling her head under mine. No more words.
​
I don't know how long after, we drift to sleep.
​
* * *
​
I wake in a strange bed, in a strange place, beside another person.
​
It takes me a few seconds to recollect the events that have transpired, and when I do, I'm filled with nothing but dread.
​
Well, that's not quite right. There is a persistent rebellion lighting up inside my soul, unwilling to take the blame anymore.
​
With the feeling of Stella's warm body in my arms, and the harsh coldness of my crimes in my head, I am no longer able to tell right from wrong.
​
Was it wrong of me to cheat on Fang? It was, and I cannot - I will not - hold anyone else responsible for that.
​
Was it right of me to come to Stella in her time of need? It was, who else could have done it? Hell, who else WOULD have done it?
​
Even if her life wasn't ultimately in danger, with all of her friends gone and all of her pride crumbled to dust, she was about to go down a very dangerous road. I will never-ever be ashamed of stepping out of the mass of apathy, stopping a disaster before it could take hold.
​
Not after what I've had to live through in the past. Even if it will cost suffering of my own.
​
It might have been the only truly right thing that I've done in my life, the one that really mattered.
​
I strengthen my hold on Stella. I don't want to let her go.
​
...still, I know that I've done things that are unforgivable under any circumstance. I've had ample opportunities to come clear with Fang, yet I didn't. I couldn't trust her to know the truth, and I couldn't share the burden.
​
For a second I entertain the thought that I was sparing her the pain, but it's such an obvious lie that I push it away immediately.
​
No. I, and only I, am responsible for deciding to go through this alone. I might have asked Reed's help, but I've ultimately let him down too.
​
My hands curl into fists, and I'm unsure if it's from anger or disgust. Maybe both? Resentment.
​
I resent the fact that after coming such a long way, I am still the same cynical untrusting retard that's afraid to let anyone close in things that actually matter. The act of helping someone with her homework, or playing the guitar with her... These pale in comparison to my unquestioned willingness to STILL consider each fight a fight of my own.
​
That I cannot turn the "me" to "us" in the phrase: "Me against the word".
​
This cannot continue.
​
Before I could further the thought, a set of heavy fists bang away at the door.
​
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
​
[????]
"What's going on in there?"
​
I jolt upright, causing Stella to wake as well.
​
The voice definitely belongs to one very pissed-off Rosa.
​
FUCK
​
[Rosa]
"Stella, open the door!"
​
FUCK FUCK FUCK
​
We look at one another in sheer terror, the same thought flashing through both of our minds.
​
GET FUCKING DRESSED
​
Stumbling out of the bed - Rosa's bed by the way - we try gathering up our respective articles of clothing.
​
She puts on her bra, I put on my sock, she puts on her pants. With a mismatched sock in my hand, I get Stella's attention.
​
She motions that yes it's fucking hers, and to help her with it.
​
I try, but with her leg moving all around, it's not an easy operation.
​
To make it all worse, I can hear a key slipping into the lock.
​
OH THAT'S IT
​
WE'RE DEAD
​
I'M DEAD
​
Going by my luck, she might as well have Fang in tow. The police too, ready to register me as an offender. Then it truly would be the end of the line.
​
We freeze, my hand still grabbing her leg, awaiting the inevitable.
​
...
​
Nothing happens.
​
Sounds of commotion come from the other side of the door, and another familiar voice joins the fray.
​
[????]
"Rosa! Hey Rosa, wait!"
​
I- I refuse to believe it. Is- is that Reed? What's he doing here? After all that I've done, he- is he...?
​
[Reed]
"Don't go in!"
​
[Rosa]
"Why wouldn't I do that, pendejo?"
​
...
​
[Reed]
"Cause uh, it's a hotbox."
​
[Rosa]
"Hot box? What is that?"
​
First I have no idea what Reed is talking about, but then it hits me square in the chest.
​
It's a distraction! He knows I'm here and it's a fucking distraction!
​
I shake off the shock and return to dressing Stella. On comes her shirt, backwards but I don't care, then another sock.
​
Wait, is that different from the other?
​
NO MATTER
​
NO TIME
​
Fragments of the outside conversation hit my ears, along the lines of "can't let the smoke out or Stella's gonna get banned from the dorms", but Rosa isn't taking the bait anymore.
​
In midst of putting my shirt on, the door opens.
​
Rosa looks at me, then Stella, then around the room, then at Stella again, but in the end her eyes lock onto me.
​
It takes her a second to register all of the information. Her eyes fill with what I assume to be rage. But before she could do anything, Reed acts first.
​
To my disbelief he puts Rosa into a very familiar chokehold from behind, trying to avert her gaze.
​
Too little too late though, and he's overpowered in a matter of seconds, sent flying back into the hallway.
​
[Rosa]
"An-on, what is happening here? Why are you taking your clothes off?"
​
I, wait, off?
​
Oh god, she thinks that we were about to fuck.
​
I want to speak up, but my tongue is just as frozen as the rest of my body. Thankfully, Stella does.
​
[Stella]
"This isn't what it looks like!"
​
Could have been less of a cliché, but that's essentially true. I finish putting my shirt on, but can't otherwise add anything to the situation.
​
Reed crawls back in through the door too, clutching onto his ribcage.
​
[Reed]
"Geez Rosa, I think you broke my ribs..."
​
He, too, looks around and at us, his expression unreadable. Though he does give me one stare of pity and disbelief, which hits me pretty bad.
​
Rosa pays her little attention though, eyeing daggers at Stella and me. She's handling the current development shockingly well considering that, well, she is Rosa. Maybe she remembers my call from last night.
​
She closes the door, sealing the four of us in.
​
[Reed]
"Dude, out the truth now. Fang's on her way here!"
​
[Rosa]
"I would also like an explanation."
​
Their words are simple, and their words are just.
​
And yet all they do is evoke that ever-growing rebellion inside me. A dam can only hold so much water.
​
I give one last weary sigh, then with determination in my eyes I speak, addressing both Rosa and Reed.
​
[Anon]
"Sit down, the both of you."
​
What follows is my recollection of the past 32 hours.
​
I tell them about the bet and the wager. I tell them about watching SAO together, and that kiss. I tell them how confused and damned I've felt about it, and I tell them how I couldn't stop myself from messaging Stella that night.
​
I tell them about what happened, and the guilt I've felt over it. I tell about my sharing the secret with Reed, turning him into my accomplice, and I tell the shame of the rooftop encounter.
​
I tell about my doubts, and I tell about my turmoil.
​
I tell it all, and I tell it true.
​
However, when it comes to the events of last night, I hesitate. Stella, who's been mostly silent up to this point, in a rare feat of courage stands up. She takes my hand and continues the story from her point of view.
​
She turns to Rosa, apologizing for what she said and claiming that it was both because of her pent-up feelings and because of what I've said, but also because she was done with people looking down on her for her unconventional interests.
​
Stella then details that for years now she's been feeling like an outcast, that she's had no real relationships with anyone - friendship or more.
​
She knew that what she did was wrong, and yet she couldn't let it go. That yes, she was looking for a boyfriend, any boyfriend, but that it wasn't the case anymore.
​
The sex part ends up being omitted, although Stella ends her speech with a thought that very well could have been said by me too.
​
[Stella]
"I have no excuses, but I won't say that all I did was wrong."
​
The other duo takes our words in a mute stupor. They look at eachother, and then back to us. Nobody breaks the silence.
​
It lingers between us for a good while, until another set of knocks can be heard from the door. They're a lot softer this time around, and I have a pretty good guess who they might belong to.
​
An icy hand claws into my guts. With my emotions spent, all that remains is the guilt.
​
Rosa walks to the door, opening it without a word.
​
On the other side stood none other than Fang, in a way that I've never seen her. Unsure. Tentative.
​
She was clutching onto one of her arms, looking in our direction meekly, but more so at the floor.
​
There's no need for questions, she's obviously heard our confession.
​
She walks in, Rosa closing the door behind her as if it was an omen. Nailing the coffin shut.
​
Fang stands before me, finally finding it in herself to look me in the eye. There are no tears, but her gaze screams pain.
​
She feels betrayed, and rightly so. I was the one she could put her faith, her trust in, and I've gone ahead to throw it away brazenly.
​
There are no words between us. She doesn't ask me if this is a joke, or if I've even loved her at all. She doesn't blame me, she doesn't shout at me.
​
To her, I'm now just a part of the painful past, yet another object trophy to remind her never to trust anyone again.
​
Whatever justification I've had towards the fling with Stella, none of that seems to matter now. Even if I did save one life, I've ended another. I've picked her up, and let her down. In the worst way possible.
​
I want to apologize, but it seems all so pointless now. "Hey, I've shot your dog but you can keep it."
​
I don't imagine there's any combination of words in the English language that would help the situation. Though I'd be more than willing to speak them, for Fang's sake.
​
A few seconds later she turns to Stella, whose hand I'm still holding onto.
​
There's a wordless back and forth between them, one that I cannot fathom to comprehend. Who could Stella be looking at really? Fang or Lucy? And who does Fang see, a freak of a homewrecker, or another soul to save? Her expression is unchanging. Still. Stoic. Save for the pain in her eyes.
​
Stella on the other hand is fidgeting around nervously, on the verge of tears, but not willing to back down.
​
It must be hard for her. If I somehow manage to save myself and stay with Fang, Stella loses everything. She won't just be a weird loner anymore, she'll be condemned for possibly her whole life. But if she wins me over, we're a horrible couple of cheaters. Not that we aren't regardless.
​
Fang's silent inspection continues for a bit, ending with a ragged sigh.
​
She turns away from us, sitting down on a more or less empty chair, away from the rest of us. Looking at the floor once again, cradling her hands in her lap.
​
Her voice is soft, barely audible. It breaks my heart to see her like this.
​
[Fang]
"I knew something might be up..."
​
She turns to Reed.
​
[Fang]
"Yesterday, when you kept me from classes. I knew something had to happen cause you'd never put that much effort into one single thing otherwise."
​
He looks away embarrassed. Reed probably didn't consider that he'd be the one to raise suspicion in Fang. I don't blame him one bit though, he was more than helpful.
​
Although that might even make it worse for him, that he choose to side with a confessed cheater and liar rather than his friend. And that it was all for nothing.
​
I feel a pang of pride that my girlfriend is so sharp and clever, but it turns to a spike of pain rather quickly. I cannot claim to be her boyfriend anymore. Not even her friend, probably.
​
[Fang]
"...but I never would have thought..."
​
...
​
Her next words address Stella.
​
[Fang]
"Is it true what you said, do you really need Anon? Do you love HIM?"
​
All of our eyes widen at the questions. S-she's-
​
Stella, no longer able to compose herself falls back on the bed.
​
She buries her face in her hands, rocking back and forth. Her tail, usually wrapped around her leg, is flopping beside her as if all power left it.
​
Still hidden behind her cover, she speaks up in barely more than a whisper.
​
[Stella]
"I do."
​
Silence falls upon the room again as Fang processes her words. I can't bring myself to look at her anymore. I close my eyes, shutting the world out.
​
All of my guilt, all of my fears, all of my sins culminate in this moment, laid bare for the judgment of one.
​
I hear her chair creak, footsteps closing to us. I can only surmise that Fang's coming to deck me in the jaw or break my legs. If that's the case, I will not resist.
​
Instead, I feel a familiar set of arms wrap around me, followed by a pair of feathery wings. I open my eyes, but all I can see are a few strands of silvery hair as she nuzzles her face against mine.
​
She hugs me tightly, whispering into my ear.
​
[Fang]
"Then this is goodbye, Anon. Thank you for caring about me... Till you did..."
​
I can't muster a response, my insides twisting up painfully.
​
She lets me go and moves to Stella.
​
[Fang]
"He can be a big retard, but please take care of him."
​
[Fang]
"And if you don't, so help me..."
​
Stella, frozen much of the same as me, can barely produce a nod.
​
With that, Fang takes not another moment, leaving without a further thought spared on our miserable company.
​
Nobody speaks another word either.
​
Eventually, Reed leaves too, followed by a confused Rosa. She looks back as if she wants to say something, but decides not to.
​
The door is now closed.
​
* * *
​
A few days have passed since that day. The shame and pain remain, but things have returned to more or less their usual rhythm.
​
Stella and I stayed together, while Fang and Reed rather keep their distance from us. I don't blame them one bit.
​
Naser, when he learned what I did threaten to beat me up, and it took all of Fang's pleading to stop him. Seems like he's taking her unspoken promise seriously, and respecting our decision.
​
It makes me feel terrible.
​
The only joy I can find is during the time I spend with Stella, and even then, things are awkward to say the least.
​
Slowly though we seem to be falling into the bounds of a normal-ish relationship.
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It seemed wise for us to take our lunches away from anyone we know, so we ended up on the rooftop.
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On one such occasion, Fang came to meet us.
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It was merely a reminder that she's keeping her eye on Stella, expecting her to do good on her end, and that she'll once again be willing to help me with my music assignments, was I ready to ask.
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I thanked her for it, but I'm unsure if I'll ever be ready to ask.
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So much for the goth ptero gf.