# Culinary Enrichment

Title: Culinary Enrichment
Status: Complete
Characters: Anon, Fang, Trish, Reed
Rating: SFW
Classification: One Shot
Author: Anonymous
Summary: Anon brings lunch to school, to the horror of most of his friends
​
Another day, another fruitless attempt to convince Mr. Carldelewski to bump up my grades in math. I'm starting to think Fang wasn't joking when she said I needed to butter him up with a couple of cheap romance novels if I wanted to get anywhere. My fruitless attempts of bargaining with Carl already eating up several precious minutes that could be spent hanging with my ptero girlfriend. I pick up the pace and head straight for the cafeteria. As I open the cafeteria doors I'm greeted by a veritable cacophony of sounds and smells. Luckily finding where Fang and company are sitting isn't hard. The monochromatic ptero acts like a beacon in a sea of clown vomit. The Fang gang are busy eating their lunch as I approach their table. I put my backpack on the table and take a seat next to Fang. As I rummage between school supplies for the food I packed away at home, the others notice my presence. Fang is the first to speak up.
"So, how did it go?"
"I got nowhere, it was like talking to a brick wall."
"You went empty-handed, didn't you?"
"I still think you're fucking with me."
Reed finishes sipping with carfe concoction and chimes in.
"Nah bro, the Carlmeister doesn't do anything for nothing. Everyone knows that"
The pink raptor pulls out his phone and begins entering his comically long password.
"Don't worry, I'll hook you up with a link to the spreadsheet of what students have already gotten him. It's what friends are for."
Trish looks up from her meal, the purple triggers face is unusually pale.
"The last thing you want to do is waste money on something Carldelewski already has. Believe me, it doesn't end well."
​
I honestly couldn't believe what I was hearing. But if spending a couple of bucks on some trashy romance novels will help me bump up my grades, I might as well try. Finally finding my meager lunch, I place a couple of small sandwiches and a can on the table. Before I can even begin with final assembly, Fang has already snatched the can out from under my nose.
"What the hell is this Anon, are you honestly gonna put whipped cream on your sandwich? Is this some weird human thing I should know about?"
I try to respond, but with Fang giving me a particularly sultry look while shaking the can, my mouth refuses to cooperate. Instead, I'm struggling to not think about licking whipped cream off of Fangs' tummy. I manage to resist the urge, but just barely. I mentally become present just in time to see Fang press down on the plastic, spraying the contents of the can into her mouth. It takes less than a second, but her smug expression is replaced with that of shock. Unfortunately, Fang was so convinced there was whipped cream in the can, that her mind had already queued up swallowing. Shock gives way to regret, Fangs' amber eyes mist over with tears as her brain begins processing the foulness her taste buds are experiencing. She slams down the can and begins coughing and choking.
"What the fuck was that Anon!? I thought we said no more pranks!"
Desperate to get the taste out of her mouth she starts drinking anything she can get her hands on. Reed is still spaced out, unperturbed by Fangs' extreme reaction. Trish on the other hand is furious.
"What the fuck is wrong with you, you dumb ape? What's in that can?"
I know canned cheese is an acquired taste reserved for poor schmucks like me, but still, it can't be that bad.
"It's just cheez whiz, I don't know what the big deal is."
The purple triceratops suspiciously eyes the can before picking it up
"Let me give it a try. Maybe it's just horrible for omnivores"
Trish sprays a tiny amount of the canned cheese onto her finger and puts it into her mouth. Reacting even faster than Fang, Trish instantly has both hands over her mouth and starts running towards the nearest restroom.
​
Fang has somewhat recovered from what is apparently dino repellent and starts staring angrily at the overturned can on the table.
"That shit is evil. Whoever made it should be executed for crimes against all life."
Reed snaps out from whatever daydream he was having and picks up the can.
"Can I try bro?"
"Sure, just don't blame me if it makes you sick."
The stoner sticks out his tongue and sprays a little bit of the contents of the can onto it. This time there is no retching, coughing, or barely restrained puking. Instead, Reed opens his mouth and empties the entire can into it. He chomps down, a look of pure delight on his face. Fang looks at the bands' drummer in horror, unable to understand why anyone would willingly eat so much of that horrible goop.
"Heh, sorry man, guess I got a bit carried away. That's some good shit though. Got any more?"
"No," I sigh, "Glad at least someone liked it though."
We finish lunch period in relative silence. Fang is still traumatized, small whimpers escaping her snoot every so often as she relives the ordeal. Reed went back to daydreaming, although with a slight smile this time. I do my best to cope with my dry lunch, sipping water between every bite to help it go down. Trish never returned, so Fang picks up her bag as we go to our separate classes.
​
The last period ends and students begin pouring out of the building. As I go down the long stairs of the main entrance, I spot all three members of Vvurm Drama chatting near the sidewalk. The girls are busy talking about some girly stuff, but Fang does brush me with one of her wings to acknowledge my presence. Reed on the other hand can't wait to talk to me.
"Anon, I've been thinking about that canned cheese all day. Think you can hook a brother up?"
"Can't you just go and buy it yourself? It's just sprayed cheese."
"Come on man, don't be like that. I'll make it worth your while."
Reed opens up his wallet and pulls out a 50 dollar bill. He quickly shoves it into my hands like we're doing something illegal.
"I'll be expecting you to deliver tomorrow."
Without waiting for my reply Reed just gives the rest of the gang a wave and heads to his car. I do the same and head for the bus stop. Reed's a weird dude, but if getting him a couple of cans of cheez whiz will make him happy, then I don't see why not.
​
The next day I don't even bother talking to Mr. Carldelewski. I'm still waiting for the books I ordered online to arrive before I try my luck again. Fang texted me to not bother looking for the band in the cafeteria and instead come to the auditorium. Thank god, I'm already getting some weird looks. My backpack is about to burst and the clinking of metal is not helping at all. The loud creak of the auditorium door signals my arrival and Fang waves me over the moment she sees me. I barely take my seat next to her when Reed rushes over.
"Did you get the goods?"
I open my backpack and start handing him several cans at a time. In the end, Reed is holding 13 cans of cheez whiz and looks like he just won the lottery.
"That's all they had in the store." I start taking out my wallet to give him back the change.
"Nah bro, the rest is for your troubles." He quickly stashes the cans in his backpack. All except for one, which he sprays on top of a cup filled with carfe. Fangs' shudders entire body shudders and she becomes somehow even paler. Trish on the other hand has to look away before her stomach can refund her lunch.
I nudge Fang in the arm to get her attention.
"I got something for you too, a peace offering so we don't restart the prank war."
I give her a small box, still warm to the touch. Fang is cautious at first until she picks up the smell of the contents inside the box. She then immediately tears apart the box and starts devouring the dino nuggets inside.
"Fine, peace," she gulps down another nugget, "But only because your offering pleases me."
"But wait, there's more!"
I pull out another can, this one clearly labeled as whipped cream. Fang puts down her almost empty nugget box and takes the can. Not entirely convinced I'm not just pranking her again, she gives the can a quick shake before spraying it onto my nose. Satisfied that I'm not tricking her, she licks it off of my nose with her long tongue. I'm completely frozen in place, which only amuses the ptero even more. Trish can't take the lovey-dovey shit anymore and decides to make her annoyance known.
"Get a room you two!"
Her words snap me out of my mindlock.
"Quit whining, I got something for you too!"
I pull out the last foodstuff from my backpack which is now practically empty. I toss the head of lettuce towards Trish who just barely manages to catch it.
"You might want to wash it first." My advice goes unheeded and Trish begins munching on the salad leaves. At least it's organic. With both the bandmates busy eating, Fang leans towards me.
"You know Anon, it's not such a bad idea. My parents won't be home for a few hours after school." Her voice takes on a husky tone. "Maybe I could give you another guitar lesson." Fang giggles when she sees my face turn bright red. She pulls me close to make sure only I can hear her next words.
"You might want to buy more whipped cream on the way though."