# Anon And Stella - Yu-Di-No

Title: Anon And Stella - Yu-Di-No
Status: Complete
Characters: Anon, Fang, Trish, Reed, Stella, Rosa, Sage
Rating: SFW
Classification: One Shot
Author: Anonymous
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Stella and Anon faced each other from across the dueling platform, neither one of them daring to look away from the other. It had come down to this: the finals of the Yu-Di-No tournament, a monumental battle of cards that shook Valcaldera to its very core. Friendships were tested and found wanting, anime cliches were uttered and discovered that they didn’t really sound that great in English, and the blood of a thousand paper-cuts from dramatic top-decking had been spilled. But what was the prize that these two titans of the tournament fought for, a prize that threated the very foundation of their friendship? One. Million. Dino-nuggies.
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“Go, Inverted High-Priestesses, attack!” Stella roared, nearly assured her victory. Veins stood out on her body like thick cords, distorting her normal passive face into a rictus grimace mad with power. Anon could only shake his head, for the onetime friend he now faced wasn’t even referencing the correct character. Her monster, a larger-than-life stylized image of herself, a shimmer hologram towering above the duelists, raised its arms in attack, the cycles of the moon beginning to rotate faster and faster around its blindfolded head. Energy crackled, bringing a smell of ozone to the arena, which didn’t really make sense because it was a hologram, but that did little to dissuade Anon. Standing his ground, his expressionless face a vision of determination, Anon knew he had one more trick up his sleeve.
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‘You won’t defeat me, Stella,’ Anon thought, his eyes narrowing. ‘I always fight for those who believe! For my friends! For myself! And for my QT-Ptero Gee Eff!’ He was too determined to notice Fang, standing around the arena with the rest of the gang, facepalming hard at Anon’s autistic mumbling. ‘Stella, I will defeat you. As a rival who walked the road of weebdom with me, and as a friend!’
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“Ultimateo Burstooooooooooo!” Throwing her hands out, Stella ordered her final attack, choosing to deliver this line in broken Engrish for dramatic effect. The Inverted High-Priestess’ attack rocketed forth, the eight phases of the moon cascading towards Anon in shimmer streaks of golden light.
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“Reverse card, open! Mathematician’s Textbook!” Revealing a card illustrated with the collector’s edition art-book of Saturnia slipped between the pages of an enormously heavy textbook, Anon’s hoped to save his own monster, from Stella’s would-be fatal attack.
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“Futile! I activate Shitpost Absorption!” Stella’s grin was that of total triumph as she dramatically revealed her spell card, accidently dropping it as she held it between the tips of her fingers. Undeterred, Stella quickly bent over to pick the card up, resuming her monologue. “The moment your monster’s Post Count goes up, those posts are absorbed into my monster’s Post count, bumping it!”
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“Nani?!” Anon cried, his eyes wide with shock. ‘The High-Priestess’ Post Count went up another 500 posts!’
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“Hahahaha! Shatter to pieces along with your Trigger Paladin and your lover’s card, Amber-Eyes, Anon!” So confident was Stella in her victory that she paid no heed to Trish’s distraught cries over her racial slur. Indeed, the Inverted High-Priestess’ attack seemed sure to seal the duel, moving inexorably but also incredible slowly towards Anon’s side of the board.
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“The end…” Sage mumbled to themself, hidden from view and totally unknown to everyone else despite being in the teaser-trailer for this episode.
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“¡Ella lo hizo!” Rosa cheered, bounding up and down on Stella’s side of the arena in a way that made all men within a fifty-yard radius subconsciously wipe the sweat from their brow.
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“Wha…?! Annnnoooooon!” Fang cried, running into the arena despite just having been there, as the attack was about to land.
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“I won…” Her words barely audible over the totally unnecessarily loud attack, Stella stood wide-eyed, almost surprised she was about to accomplish her goal. “I was sure he would have one more…”
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“Don’t be so sure!”
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Well, sorry Stella, you tried.
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“Stella… You can pile on the cliches, but it’s weeb!!” Thrusting his finger decisively at his opponent, Anon seem undeterred that he was about to be eliminated from the Yu-Di-No tournament.
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“What was that?!” Stella’s eyes were even wider now, her unbelievably racist space-buns beginning to unravel.
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“Did you really think you would win, bearing a burden of anime and cliches?!” Anon retorted, adjusting the Golden Puzzle RAYmba hung around his neck.”
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“Shut up!” Stella waved her arm dismissively, as if to cut Anon’s words out of the air. “There’s no way your Monster could defeat the Inverted High-Priestess!”
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“Then I’m going to show you…the last attack that will grant my victory! Reverse card, open!”
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Reed scratched his head, leaning in to whisper to the still-indignant Trish. “I’m confused, didn’t he already play the Reverse card?”
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“Fusion Cancel!” Anon, seemingly ignorant of anything other than the duel, revealed his OTHER amazingly conveniently-played-for-this-exact-situation card that he hoped would save his monster.
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‘Fusion Cancel?’ Stella’s thoughts were filled with sputtering rage, her eyes bloodshot.
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“It splits up one Fusion Monster on the field and negates their attack for the turn!” Continuing to narrate his card’s own actions despite both participants seemingly understanding the rules of the very game they played, Anon narrowed his eyes dramatically.
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‘Did he know I was going to play the Inverted High-Priestess…?!’ Stella had not said anything for several minutes, and Rosa was beginning to worry. The Fusion Cancel card began to take effect, the hologram of Stella’s Inverted High-Priestess beginning to spasm violently as it was consumed with white light. ‘My Inverted High-Priestess…is splitting apart!’ Finally, the deed was done, as the Inverted High-Priestess split into its component parts with a very poorly done glass-shattering effect. Soon, only the High-Priestess, looking not quite-like the Inverted High-Priestess but close enough to not warrant describing again, and a fanciful picture of Naomi in a white robe representing the Inverted Temperance remained.
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“There are now two more Tarot-Types on the field! Increasing Trigger Paladin’s Post Count!” The stoic black warrior standing in front of Anon grew in power, gaining an extra horn on his crest. Reed had to hold back Trish at this point, the diminutive purple dino attempting to rush the arena in anger. “And because the fusion of Inverted Empress was canceled, your turn comes to an end!”
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“Nani…?!”
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“My Turn!” Anon didn’t let Stella continue, knowing that if she started talking in Japanese she would never stop. “Draw-o!” Ripping the card off the top of his deck like a jackass and nearly causing all his cards to spill to the ground, Anon didn’t even bother to look at it before he started running his mouth off. “Stella! This card will tear apart the weebiness that controls your heart! I active a Magic Card from my hand!” Anon inserted the newly drawn card into his duel-deck, the hunk of plastic and cardboard he had made himself somehow. “Diffusion Stair Fall!” The hologram version of the card appeared next to him, depicting a human tumbling down a large flight of stairs.
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‘Diffusion Stair Fall!’ Stella mumbled in her head, doing her best impression of a Snoot-al Gear Solid character.
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“By paying 1000 of my Post Number, I can direct my Paladin’s attack order to cover every monster on your side of the field! That means Trigger Paladin can attack all three Tarot-Eyes at the same time!”
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‘Each of the Tarot-Eyes has only a 3000 Post Count…! And his Trigger Paladin has over nine-thousand!’
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“Trigger Paladin, attack!” It was taking Reed and Naser to hold back Trish at this point, but neither duelist seemed to care: Their eyes were fixed on Anon’s monster as it raised its bass on high, the body of the might guitar beginning to generate a halo of energy.
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‘Stella… You won’t achieve true victory with such a cliché plot line!’ Somehow, Anon’s clothes were fluttering as if in a strong breeze, despite the authorly previously asserting that the monsters were just holograms.
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“Beyond Math! Anger Trigger Warning!!” The Paladin’s bass began sending waves of searing energy cascading across the arena, slicing neatly through each of Stella’s monsters. One by one they fell, dissipating into nothingness even as their owner’s Poster Number began tumbling down to zero. Rosa fell to her knees, tears forming in her eyes as she was forced to watch her friend get Deus Ex Machina’d into a loss. Standing next to Anon’s friends, Sage laughed, still seemingly escaping notice despite being right fucking next to them. Stella’s face fell, her tail coiling around her leg as at long last, her thread was auto-saged.
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‘Stella. You lost to me now… But you still have to defeat your own weebiness!’
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The only response was the sound of the collective facepalming at Anon’s mumbling.