# Perfect Situation Chapter 4

Chapter 4: The Good Life
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It had been a month since Trish stumbled into my life and helped me put it at least somewhat straight. Before all this I'd think that was no time at all but now that I was out and doing things every day it felt like an eternity. My first week as her assistant was awkward, especially because she really did demand I call her coach while we were with clients. Most of them were from the richer neighborhoods but we must have scoured the whole city in the Trish-mobile. Personally I preferred calling it the "Trigga Truck" but my boss seemed less than enthused at the name. One day I thought she was going to pull into into Fangs old house and scared me half to death but it was thankfully just their neighbors. Still, it wasn't too uncommon for us to pass by while Ripley was doing some manner of yard work.
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Trish didn't seem to understand why I was always so nervous in that neighborhood but she wasn't the one with a death sentence if he recognized her. Beyond the close calls with Fang's dad it was honestly pretty pleasant and Trish decided to clear my debt after that first week. However she enjoyed having a secretary/punching bag hybrid so much that she offered to pay me to keep the position. I decided to take her offer and with the new payment I bought some slacks and a pretty swanky vest so it would look less like she dragged a hobo off the street. Trish was delighted and often went out of her way to adjust it so I looked perfect when we were meeting our clients. I'm not exactly sure why because she was still in casual wear but hey, she's the coach. It wasn't exactly good pay, basically minimum wage but I still had my pension and I really did enjoy spending time with Trish.
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That didn't mean she forgot my personal training however, Trish had me perform a litmus test day one and has been pushing me to my limits. It wasn't even just the physical exhaustion because she enforced the no smoking rule at home too. Not that she could actually stop me but if she ever came over and smelled cigarette smoke I knew I'd be worked twice as hard the next day. It just wasn't worth the risk, the woman was an absolute slave driver. Some days I really wanted to hate her, hell some days I actually did. Except It was hard to argue with how much better I had been feeling after eating right and working out so much. Even so, my inability to smoke at home, in her truck, at the gym or when we were with clients had my addiction clawing at the edges of my mind more than ever.
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I probably would have snapped by now if not for my 'smoke dates' with Fang though she'd stop showing up if she knew I called them that. I wouldn't be so generous as to call us 'friends' again, maybe just a couple lonely souls that were looking to be a little less lonely for a while. We only sparingly talked during them, there were a couple bad days it felt like I was feeding a wild animal with cigarettes and fast food. Those nights had her picking at her skin with her head on a wide eyed swivel as if she expected something horrible to happen. Thankfully there were also moments when she acted like herself again.
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The first time I showed up in my work clothes she lost her shit and made me stand still so she could scribble some glasses on my face, that way I could be 'the one true dweeb'. While it was embarrassing at the time, especially because she was still on the clock and plenty of customers saw. She had to hold my face to draw it correctly and her being comfortable enough for that was a small victory I was going to cherish. Other days though she seemed more reclusive than ever, plucking loose feathers, looking nervous and even acting jittery. It was bad enough to watch her suffer, it was worse knowing she wouldn't trust me to help her.
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Today though I was left completely to my own devices, Trish managed to get sick despite easily having 16 constitution and Fang wasn't answering. I frowned at my phone, yet another new thing I could afford now that I was vaguely employed. Fang not answering wasn't uncommon, she usually only replied to me at night so I tried not to worry about it. I worried about it every time. Flipping to my contacts I stared at the only two names in there, Fang and Trish really were the only people I knew. My parents were still alive I suppose but neither of us decided to call when I got out of the navy and I wasn't about to start now.
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Sighing, I pocketed my phone and headed outside wondering just what the hell a guy like me was supposed to do on a sunday morning. I offered to take care of Trish, it was the least I could do after all. She seemed really hesitant about inviting me over though, it was utterly bizarre because it's not like she hid where she lived from me. Maybe she had some dark skeleton in the closet or maybe she was just embarrassed by a messy house. There wasn't any way to find out so there was only one thing to do. Time to spend the day wandering aimlessly and haunt the sidewalks of Skinrow and beyond. I spied a hot dog stand amidst the crowds of people and my stomach growled. Technically street food wasn't a part of my meal plan but I deserved a treat now and then didn't I? Besides, Coach Trish wasn't around at the moment. Smiling devilishly at my nefarious plan I walked over to the orange woman manning the stand.
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"Hey there, chief! What can I get ya?" she called out as I approached
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I scratched my chin as I thought about it. "One with everything, please" my stomach has been a black hole these days.
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She grinned at that "Alright then, one everything dog for the big guy!"
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Big guy? I looked down at myself, I had dressed up in my work clothes out of habit and the shirt/vest combo really didn't cover my build like my old sweater or jacket did. I got the vest explicitly because I wasn't self conscious about my arms anymore after all. The muscles the navy gave me had been refined by Trish's exercise routine and my old fast food gut was much slimmer after all the cardio. I looked... Nice? It wasn't a feeling I was accustomed to. The vendor lady worked quickly and soon enough I had my prize in hand. The first bite was incredible, oh sweet preservatives and artificial flavors how I have missed you. Without any objective for the day I simply stood by the hot dog stand and watched people walk past as I enjoyed my treat.
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"Trying to work up the courage to ask me out, huh?" The vendor lady spoke up, she waggled her eyebrows to compliment her smirk
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I nearly choked on my hotdog, since when do women hit on me? "N-no! Not that you're- Just that-" God I really was bad at this.
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"Well hey, if you're wondering if I want you to, I want you to." she fluttered her eyelashes at me
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Alright that was a little much, taking one more bite I stared at her suspiciously until I realized something.
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"You're fucking with me." I stated with certainty
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"Not yet, handsome" her voice was practically husky as she leaned over her stand to show off her 'assets'
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Oh god, DEFCON 2! Sound the alarms! What do I do? I don't even know her name! Failing any kind of training or experience in this situation I just stared at her cluelessly, blushing like an idiot.
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She chuckled and started laughing progressively harder until she was wheezing, hand holding her stomach.
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Eventually she managed to control herself and wiped a tear from her eye "Don't worry kid, You're cute but a little young for me."
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I let out a breath I didn't realize I had been holding, Young? She looked barely over 30! Who was she calling kid anyways?
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"Yeah, yeah very funny. You do this with every guy?" I grumbled
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"Nah, but you were looking a little lost. What's going on pal?" it sounded like a genuine question, even if she was still chuckling.
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I gave up trying to salvage my pride, looking out at the crowds on the street "Nothing really, that's the problem. I've got no plans and no idea what to do." I concluded with a shrug
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As I stared at those crowds I realized the vendor lady hadn't said anything in a while, turning back to her revealed that she was looking at me like I was an idiot. Guess that look wasn't exclusive to Trish.
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"Nothin' to do!? There's a whole world out there! Get out of here and go do something you ain't never done before! Go on!" She shouted and pointed down the street with a spatula, why does she even have that?
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I opened my mouth to respond but she actually left her stand to physically push me down the sidewalk
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"Hey! Wait- What are you- C'mon!" I argued but she wasn't having any of it
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"And don't come back til' you've done something!" She called out once I got the hint and started walking on my own
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I waved goodbye to the weirdly pushy hotdog lady and headed down the road. That advice was all well and good but it still didn't really give me any direction. Back to aimless wandering then, I needed to work off that hot dog anyways. I opened up my phone and dropped a quick shitpost in an indonesian basket weaving forum but was cut short by a ban. What do you mean I can't make a thread about muzzle game on the video game board? A bell ringing interrupted my frustrations with the janitors, looking up I realized I had found myself at the last place I expected to. The church of our lord and saviour Raptor Jesus, I suppose it was sunday so that explains the bell. Streams of colorful individuals filed through the doors, many of them greeting an orange woman in a white garb with a shawl around her shoulders. She looked so familiar... Wait were those prayer beads at her hip?
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"Rosa!?" I called out, not quite believing it
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The woman glanced over at her name, she looked surprised only briefly before her face lit up like a christmas tree
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"An-on!" She hurried over to meet me "¿¡Dónde has estado!?"
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I was about to reply to her but I suddenly found it hard to breathe while I was crushed in her grip. Maybe a younger anon would have perished but despite my surprise I was ready for the counter offensive. As soon as her grip loosened I tightened mine and put my new muscles to work, sweeping her off her feet like the debonair I pretended to be in the shower. When I heard a girly yelp I knew I had won our little contest.
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"Ahh! Put me down An-on!" she was shouting but clearly delighted. Still, if it's what the lady wants I'm willing to oblige.
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Placing her back on her feet I could see that her face was flush, her hands immediately went to her voluminous hair to make sure everything was in place. Looking around I caught the other church-goers who saw our exchange throwing smiles our way. I could feel my cheeks heating up much lika Rosa's. The woman in question finally finished preening and looked up at me with an excitement that was infectious.
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"It is good that you saw the light of Raptor Jesus, hallowed be his name, I knew you had it in you!" She positively beamed at me
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I mean, I wasn't exactly athiest but I don't know if I'd say that I 'saw the light'. Clearly my confusion was visible because Rosa soon adopted a similar look.
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"You are here for church, Si? You are in your sunday best! Muy guapo."
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Huh, I suppose when she puts it like that it would sound bizarre to tell her that this was all circumstance.
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"Sorry Rosa, I didn't actually come to listen to the good word" I admitted, rubbing the back of my head sheepishly
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I expected her to be upset but bizarrely she got even more excited
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"Ah! You came for the choir then! ¡Excelente! We needed a baritone!" She started tugging me towards those pearly gates, what did I get myself into?
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"Uhm, no, Rosa! I can't sing!" last thing I needed to do was ruin everyone's sunday with my warbling.
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She blissfully stopped tugging me and looked back, her gaze was calculating until she came to a decision.
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"¡No hay problema! You follow their lead, they teach you. Sencillo."
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The words of that hot dog lady bounced around in my skull, 'do something you've never done before'. Was I seriously considering this? Was I really taking the sage advice of someone that sold food on the street for a living?
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"Lead the way, Rosa." I sighed, this was a mistake.
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She clapped her hands together, utterly thrilled. "Wonderful! We can catch up after church. Ven conmigo."
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Rosa led me past the concession and introduced me to the various members of the choir who were doing vocal warm ups. Having directed me to the person in charge Rosa gave me two thumbs up and left to go find her seat. Chatting with the choir lead, an iguanodon by the name of Alan, he gave gave me a few beginner tips that were honestly pretty simple. Breathe with your gut, keep your tongue relaxed and hold your posture. After that brief conversation he had me join the rest of the group with the warm ups.
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It was blatantly obvious that I had never sung before but surprisingly the rest of the choir didn't mention anything. I don't think I ever stopped blushing, I didn't even sing in the shower let alone in front of a crowd and I was about to do it in front of an even bigger one soon. Alan had to correct my posture and politely informed me that I was breathing wrong more than once, I'd been breathing all my life why was this so hard? When the time came I felt woefully unprepared, why did I agree to this?
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Standing amidst a crowd of confident people did little to impart their confidence onto me. I could see Rosa looking at me from her seat like a proud mother and I even caught Alan giving me a reassuring smile just before we started, here goes nothing. Once I started singing I realized it was... Good? My voice wasn't quite drowned but conjoined with so many others and transformed into something else entirely. I could still hear myself but the faces of everyone else told me that my poor singing skills didn't ruin the song. Now that I knew I wasn't about to be kicked out or shamed for my lack of skill I could feel myself relaxing into the song.
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I was a little behind everyone, I didn't know the lyrics and had to copy their lead but it still sounded nice. The act of singing itself was interesting, Feeling my throat rumble with the notes was a new sensation and I swear I could feel my skull vibrate on the higher pitch. When we finished the first song I realized that I had a pleasant buzz swirling about in my head, it felt good to come together with so many people and create something. My anxiousness faded away as I realized that I was actually looking forward to the next one.
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The feeling didn't fade on the second song and by the third I was running out of breath, eventually the service concluded and everyone shuffled out to begin their days in earnest. Alan congratulated me for the performance and asked if I'd be joining them again next week, I agreed before I even realized it. He seemed pleased but I'd definitely need to talk to Trish about rescheduling our sessions. Rosa wasted no time in pushing through the crowd to meet up with me. I thought she'd attack me with another hug but she stopped short and beamed that same motherly smile she had before I started.
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"Eras maravilloso An-on!" her tone implied she was congratulating me, I sure as hell couldn't speak spanish.
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I just smiled "You were right Rosa, all I had to do was follow their lead."
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She nodded sagely at that "Si, Rosa is always right"
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"So you said you wanted to catch up?" I ventured, still riding the high my performance gave me
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Rosa's eyes lit up as I reminded her "Of course, Oh I must call Stella!" She pulled out her phone as she said as much, her phone case was rose themed of course.
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She dialed up her number, put the phone to her ear and waited, and waited. Rosa's brow furrowed as it presumably went to voicemail and immediately dialed the same number. After a few seconds she shouted into it
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"WAKE UP CHICA, IT IS TWELVE! THAT IS THE AFTERNOON!" I winced at the explosion of sound in front of me, was Stella still asleep or something?
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"Come, we're having lunch... Yes now! ¡Rápidamente! An-on is back!" she huffed and ended the call before switching on a dime and looking at me with a cheery smile
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"So, Ready to go?"
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I nodded, mildly concerned at what I had gotten myself into.
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After hashing out the details Rosa offered to drive me to their favorite spot, apparently they ate there once a week anyways. Rosa drove an otherwise boring sedan were it not for the surprisingly tasteful floral print along the side. I'll give it to her, she takes a theme and sticks with it. Admittedly it felt a bit weird to be in such a small vehicle after I got accustomed to the veritable monster truck that was the Trish-mobile. The far too loud spanish music blaring didn't help with the comfort levels either but I wasn't about to tell Rosa how to run her life, I still had mine that I wanted to live.
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"So, uh, what's Stella been up too?" I tried to make conversation despite the music but Rosa unsurprisingly couldn't hear me.
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"Rosa!" I half-shouted, still no response
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"ROSA" I yelled, my vocal cords were still a little sore from their workout at the church but at long last I got her attention
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"Did you say something Niño?" She asked calmly after turning the music down to something acceptable for human ears
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I sighed internally but repeated myself "How. Has. Stella. Been?"
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Rosa clucked her tongue disapprovingly and fished her phone out of her purse, somehow managing to navigate some pages without crashing the car. Having found what she was looking for she handed her phone to me and at last returned her attention to the road. A Yousnoot video? What the hell? Tapping the screen to start the video I could only wonder what Rosa was getting at.
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"Konichiwhat is up! Watashi wa Stella but you already knew that! Gomenasorry for the delay between videos!" A high pitched distortion of Stella's voice screeched from the tinny speakers. You've got to be fucking kidding me. I can scarcely believe it but it's right there on the little screen, wait this has HOW many views!?
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I paused the video to preserve my sanity, I noticed that Rosa was subscribed to Stella surprisingly. Well that was nice of her even if it was a drop in Stella's disturbingly large bucket. Looking at her video history assaulted my eyes with all the colors of the rainbow and far too much anime, no surprise there. Seems like Stella does it all, from reviews to top 10's to reaction videos and every one of them has tens of thousands of views. Oh hey, she even does let's plays... Of JRPG trash. I'm not sure why I expected any different, Stella wouldn't be able to appreciate the true majesty of Rock Ring anyways. Oh my god Stella no, even the polychromatic miniature equines!? I dropped Rosa's phone back in her purse, unable and unwilling to delve further into that portal of antedeluvian evil. Which was just as well as we apparently had arrived.
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It was a completely mundane looking coffee shop, I'm not sure why I expected different but the memory of Stella's horrid japanglish still weighed heavy in my mind. When we entered the shop I was surprised to see that Stella had actually beat us there. The stegosaurus in question was hunched over a cup of coffee, cradling it like her child.
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"I will go get us something, say hi to Stella, An-on" Rosa's tone didn't really leave room for argument, not that there was ever any arguing with a hispanic woman.
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When I took a seat across from Stella I was confused at the lack of reaction though as close to her as I was the reason was obvious, the poor girl was asleep. I didn't really have it in my heart to wake her, after all a month ago I too was sleeping well into the afternoon. Looking her over the best word to describe Stella was disheveled. Her once prominent buns were abandoned in favor of a loose, flowing mane of lime green hair that was frosted with bubblegum pink. Despite being asleep she had pretty evident bags under her eyes and a dollop of drool threatened to spill from her lips. Stella was actually wearing her pajama bottoms in public and her baggy shirt was so large that it barely covered her modesty. Despite her clothing being as loose as it was I could clearly see that Stella's less active lifestyle had gotten the better of her, she had put on more than a few pounds. Not to say that she was obese but Stella was always a fat bottomed girl, you know what that's not a productive line of thought. Shaking my head I noticed that she had fluffy dinosaur slippers to complete her ensemble. she looked like somebody plucked her straight from bed, I suppose that's basically what Rosa did though.
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Speak of the devil and she shall appear, Rosa placed a cup of coffee and a bagel in front of me while she and Stella shared a donut. Oh come on, I wanted a donut too! The responsible part of my brain informed me that I already had my treat for the day and any more would spoil me. I told that part of my brain to shut up for telling the truth. Taking a sip of of my coffee I discovered that Rosa had ordered it black, the taste making my face scrunch up. Just how boring did you think I was Rosa? This is some gender stereotyping or something.
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"What do we do about Stella?" I whispered over to Rosa as she sat down.
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Rosa looked at Stella with concern clear on her face and sighed "Let her sleep, her last stream must have been too pogg-ers"
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Raptor Jesus on his cross of rock please strike me down now
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Rosa must have noticed my expression because she asked "Was that not correct? I have been watching her internet show and people love to say that"
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"It was fine Rosa just please never say it out loud, internet culture should stay there."
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"I believe that is... Pepe hands?" she looked very unsure
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At least the table was very cool on my forehead.
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"Ohmygosh! Is that STELLA!?" An incredibly high pitched squeal sounded from behind me, sitting back up I saw a couple of high school girls approaching at rapid velocity. Based on their number of belts and the ridiculous braces one of them had they were definitely the type to consume Stella's brand of anime. The stegosaur in question had somehow managed to sleep through the school girls siren wail, something I envied as it still left my ears ringing. Seeing little opportunity for anything else I gave Stella a sharp kick, her eyes shot open and she scrambled to get her bearings.
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"Stella we LOVE you!" The two girls were practically bouncing where they stood in front of Stella.
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"Oh. My. Gosh, yamete kudastoooooop! You guys are just too much!" Stella didn't miss a beat, waving her hand daintily at them
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"Pleasepleaseplease sign some stuff for us! No one will believe we met you otherwise!" their chosen canvas was apparently their shirts based on how they were holding them out.
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"Okay you two but I'm here with friends so just the shirts, Is that daijobu?" Stella kept her tone calm but I could hear an undercurrent of worry
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When the two of them nodded eagerly Stella gave them a tired smile "I'd know you'd wakarunderstand." She formed a V with her fingers and held it up to her eye which had the girls squealing.
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One signing later we were blissfully free of the underaged, if only the same were true of my himalayan throat singing forum. Stella slumped back into her seat, taking a sip of her drink with eyelids half closed. It was impressive how quickly she assumed character, I was barely considered sentient after waking.
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"You look good, anon." Stella murmured over coffee that apparently did little to wake her
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"Oh I know! Si estuviera soltero..." Rosa decided to chime in, her eyes looking me up and down
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"You're not so bad looking yourself Stella, I like the hair" I actually did if I was being honest, aposematism didn't really apply to meteor dodgers with how colorful most of them already were.
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The corners of Stella's mouth twitched into a smile
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"An-on no! Not you too! Now she'll never get rid of it!" Rosa has already whipped out her prayer beads to save both of our hedonistic souls
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"It's just hair, Rosa." I offered, not really understanding the reaction
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"JUST hair!? Dios mio, such a boy thing to say." Rosa muttered
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"So uh, you're a celebrity Stella? Thats really impressive" I tried my best to ignore her
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"Oh you know, I made videos when I was school. When we graduated I didn't really know what to do with myself so I just kept making more. If you're on Yousnoot for enough years you're bound to get noticed" Stella's voice was breathy and measured, her expression never shifted from a half-lidded smile.
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I forced myself to take another sip of the black coffee Rosa got me, it would be rude to let it go to waste. I gave Stella a suspicious look, there was no way she was still sleepy after that much coffee. I was starting to think she wasn't all that tired and was just taking full advantage of being able to be low energy for once. Having to play a peppy anime character in front of the camera for hours every day must be exhausting.
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"Enough about Stella! Where have you been all these years chico?" Rosa asked, slapping the table to get my attention.
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The difference in energy between these two was giving me a headache but even Stella perked up at this topic. No real avoiding it anymore then. I did my best to tell them everything I could from the navy, the interesting parts anyways. It was a little strange, I'd been with the navy for years but when I was digging my memory for events to share it only brought up the past month with Trish. In just that month I'd met some truly wacky people, this one guy asked Trish what foods had the least amount of 5g waves in them. Rosa didn't really get it but at least Stella chuckled at that story. There was a woman who complained she drank only juice and yet didn't lose weight, she refused to believe that a glass of apple juice was just as sugary as soda. It wasn't just people being weird about food either. I think my favorite story was actually my first boxing partner, A tyrannosaurus if you can believe it. I let that one sink in, a T-rex boxer. Trish did her best to give him advice but there are just some natural limitations you know? It had a happy ending at least when Trish pointed him towards MMA, that one was less about punching.
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While we shared a laugh at the misfortune of the T-rex I considered bringing up Fang. She clearly had some problems she wouldn't talk about and I could use some advice. Stella likely wouldn't be any help but Rosa seemed well put together. I opened my mouth to ask her but my voice died on my lips, Fang seemed pretty reclusive. Was it really my place to bring up her problems? Knowing Rosa she might do something drastic and Fang would never forgive me. I closed my mouth, saying nothing felt wrong but airing her dirty laundry didn't feel much better. I satisfied myself with the idea that I could call Rosa up any time and ask her. On that note I needed her number, something both of them were more than willing to part with. My contacts just doubled in one day, woohoo. While I was recording their numbers I gave Stella a sideways glance.
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"So, which horse is best horse?" I asked nonchalantly.
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"Purple smart" Stella said with no hesitation
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"Azteca" Rosa mentioned only a moment later
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They both looked at each other quizzically, oh man that's too perfect.
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We managed to whittle away a few hours sharing memories, Stella had plenty of stories with people embarrassing themselves. One guy was a simp turned stalker that she actually had to call the police on. Rosa talked about her work, she was running a quaint little flower shop unsurprisingly but was studying to become a pastor. One day somebody apparently ate 50 dollars worth of flowers while she was reading. I was more surprised that pastors needed to be so educated than a hungry weirdo if I was being honest. When our conversation took a more casual pace Stella mentioned the three forbidden runes of D, B, Z and Rosa could not be stopped. Glancing at my phone I could see it was just past 4. I still needed to work out, cook and while I'd never admit it I got way into this weight lifting anime with the opening theme that was super catchy. I was about to ask Rosa if she'd be willing to drive me home but the phone vibrated in my hand and Trish's smiling face popped up.
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Trish: Enjoy ur day off?
Anon: You bet, bumped into Rosa today
Trish: Rly? Where?
Trish: W8
Trish: You didn't
Anon: I did
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The dots appeared and disappeared, seems like she was struggling to say something
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Trish: I'm rly impressed
Anon: Why?
Trish: I'll explain l8r
Trish: U busy?
Anon: Lunch with Stella and Rosa, about to go home
Trish: Gr8, u should come over
Trish: Bring Stella and Rosa
Anon: To your sickbed?
Trish: I got better
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What? How the hell did she get better in like seven hours tops? I bet she was just fibbing so she could see Stella and Rosa again. I sighed and shook my head, knowing full well there was no dissuading Trish from anything. Broaching the topic with the two of them proved fruitful, Rosa was an extroverted soul and Stella just seemed grateful for an excuse to keep chilling out. We all piled into Rosa's sedan, apparently Stella lives on the same street and just walked here. I gave Rosa the directions to Trish's house, It was in one of the poorer neighborhoods but it wasn't skinrow and any of us having a proper house at this point was something impressive. Rosa sped off, music blaring loud enough that talking with either of them was pointless. I checked my phone again, still nothing from Fang. My last message to her was just trying to organize one of our smoke dates but...
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Anon: Sung at church today, not the same as an instrument but music's fun
Anon: Met Rosa and Stella too, you should see her new hair!
Anon: We're meeting up at Trish's place for a little get together
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I paused, trying to find the words
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Anon: I think it would mean the world to Trish to see you again
Anon: She's sick today so the meeting would be less intense, no pressure to stay
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I tapped out Trish's address for Fang, I didn't really expect anything to come of it but getting Fang involved in my life felt important. Staring down at my messages I felt like there was something missing. Trish and Fang were friends for ten years, that was almost half our lifespan. They were thick as thieves in school and even 5 years later Trish was sobbing and confessing her sins on a bench late at night. I know full well that those tears weren't because of the pain she caused me, She may have felt guilty and she may have regretted it but it's the fact that she hurt Fang that truly weighed on her.
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Anon: She never stopped being your friend