# Bad Apple Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Slipping Through The Cracks
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What was a 15-minute drive began to feel like an eternity.
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Gazing out the car's window, my eyes are met with the sight of various buildings and pedestrians as they flash away from my eyes, like shadows whenever light enters a room. Paired with the growling hum of the engine, drowning out both the cacophony of noises from the outside world and the panicked whimpering to my right.
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However, all these distractions do nothing to take my mind off things.
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I almost died again.
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My neck is still bruised and sore after being throttled by Trish. Who somehow managed to track us down at the mall, seeking vengeance for Fang's death. My mind is in shambles as I try to wrap my head around what just transpired, searching for answers to the many questions growing.
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How did she even find us?
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What did she mean by 'Moe got in the way?'
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Or how she said she loved Fang?
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Not to mention the oddly specific insults she was throwing at Stella, which resulted in her punching Trish square in the face in retaliation.
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"I SAID LEAVE US ALONE, YOU FUCKING TRIGGER CUNT!!"
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The words shouted by the usually soft-spoken Stegosaurus are currently etched into my brain, along with the piercing look of Trish's hateful stare as she began crushing my neck with murderous intent.
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I've danced with death almost three times now, but I still find myself completely rattled despite all of that. Is this a sign? Is this karma's way of dishing out justice for my crimes? As punishment for causing Stella to become emotionally scarred or Reed turning his mind into scrambled eggs?
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Fucking hell…
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Turning away from the window, I get a better view of the car's cabin, a sight that's become relatively familiar to me in the past few weeks. I glance at Rosa, hands gripping the steering wheel tight as her eyes remain locked on the road ahead. The expression painted across her face mirrors the same worried look I first saw her with after months. However, amidst her concerned expression, I can't help but note the slight frustration and anger growing across her face.
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Considering how her two friends just got viciously assaulted by a former acquaintance and learned that said perpetrator was responsible for my maiming, it's understandable. But there's something else…
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And to my right, deviating from her usual position in the passenger seat, is Stella. Her arms are wrapped around my torso as she buries her face in my chest, not wanting to face the outside world, her body quivering with terror. Her tears have finally subsided, but what was once crying was replaced by a pained shuddering.
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Throughout our d-date, Stella broke down a couple of times, similarly to just now, as her trauma began to resurface over any stressful situation or reminders of what transpired on the day of the shooting. But right now, I only see the pure Terror in Stella's body as she clutches me tightly.
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What the fuck happened to her that day?
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"Oye, are you two okay to talk about what happened?" The stern ankylosaurus called out from the front seat, pulling me out of deep thought.
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"I–ahh–-I-mmppgh," The muffled voice incoherently echoes from my chest, unable to form a coherent response.
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I've always struggled with apathy for a long time, but it pains me to hear Stella in this state. She doesn't deserve any of this. This is my suffering, not hers.
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Turning to Rosa, I tell her the full story of our time at the mall, making sure to mention as much detail as possible. I explained to her that I found Reed… or what's left of him before meeting Stella, eliciting a shocked response from the Ankylosaur as she mutters in Spanish. How she broke down in tears when she brought up this "Sage" person, whoever they are, I caught the shocked glance from Rosa in the driver's mirror when I mentioned the name. She must know more about this 'Sage.'
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"Eventually, we went to the arcade, and some stupid kid pointed a toy gun in our faces, causing Stella to run out of the mall in tears." I make brief eye contact with Rosa, if only briefly, to avoid distracting her from driving.
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"And then… That's where Trish found us. She told us that she was the one who broke my leg again. And how she wanted me dead for killing Fang." I hold Stella close with sympathy before I recount the next part. "Trish then began saying some really fucked up things to Stella, and it sounded personal too."
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"Dios Mio… What did she say?"
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"N-no, please....." Stella lifts her head from my chest, revealing her red tear-stained eyes as her makeup is wholly smudged.
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"It's okay, it's okay, we will talk about it later then," Rosa reassures her friend in the backseat, her voice hinting a bit of remorse over her question.
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"I always knew she was a bit of a troublemaker, but to do something like this? Mierda…" Rosa expressed her shock with a hint of weariness as she began to navigate the road. Due to all the slow turns we've been taking, we must be getting close.
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While I'm still trying to process what happened to us, I can't say that I wasn't expecting it. I knew this was a long time coming. If not Trish, someone like Reed or even Fang's parents would have wanted me dead.
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After all, how could they not? In their eyes, I'm the one that sent Fang over the edge. Hell, I might as well have been.
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The slow stop of the car confirms that we've reached Stella's house, causing both of us to raise our heads towards the windows to confirm our suspicions.
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"Do you need help getting out, An-on?" Rosa asks me as she gazes toward us through the reflection in the driver's mirror.
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"I'll be okay. Let's just get Stella inside," I answer without paying attention to my nearly busted leg, much to Rosa's surprise.
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"B-but- Si.." Rosa hesitates before nodding as she pushes open the car door to her left.
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Still holding Stella in my arms, I gently give her a reassuring pat.
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"Hey, it's okay. We're home now. Let's get you inside, okay?"
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Stella weakly turns her gaze toward me with a nod as tears continue to stream down her cheeks.
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Technically I'm the one who needs help getting out the most. Still, I ignore the searing-twisting sensation in my leg as I reach over Stella to push the door open.
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The pain is quite intense, but I pay little mind to it. Stella takes notice of the open door and slowly slips away from my embrace towards the exit.
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"H-here, let me help you too…." A doe-eyed Stella holds out her hand towards me, offering to help me up.
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I quickly take hold, trying to maneuver myself out of Rosa's SUV without moving my leg the wrong way, like playing the most painful version of operation possible.
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"Aquí, let me take An-on." Rosa approaches us from behind as she begins to offer her shoulder as support. "You just go inside and get settled with your Familia, ¿De Acuerdo?"
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"...Okay…" Stella meekly agrees as she lets Rosa take hold of me, letting go before walking towards the door and inside the rather impressive-looking household.
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As my ankylosaurus friend helps me walk towards the entrance, my leg throbs with pain, and my heart is thumping like a jackrabbit. I find it challenging to find the strength to stand, let alone move. Rosa is pretty much the only thing keeping me from falling apart right now.
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But despite my compromised body, we approach the entrance, and a conversation could be between two people through the slightly open door..
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"Est-elle blessée? Avez-vous vu des marques sur elle ? Des signes de blessure?"
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"Je... je ne sais pas, elle est arrivée en pleurant et est allée directement vers le chien sans dire un mot. Quelque chose de vraiment mauvais a dû se passer…"
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The conversation seems to be between a man and a woman, concern emanating from both of their voices. However, that's all I can gather due since I don't know how to speak croissant. They must be her parents, which also explains why she yelled at Trish in French at the mall.
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Opening the door, Rosa and I are greeted with an upper-middle-class household hallway, paired with the sight of paintings and eccentric decorations. One of them is some kind of astrology-related portrait of a woman with a sun in one hand with the moon in the other. This has to be Stella's work.
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"¡Cuidado!" Rosa's warning causes me to stumble slightly as I nearly trip over Stella's white shoes, the same ones she wore on the date. Next to it is a red stuffed bear plushie? I don't remember Stella having that.
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I nearly again trip as I'm thrown off guard by the sudden cacophony of barking that radiates throughout the halls.
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"WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF!"
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I panic as the heavy sound pattering against the floor draws closer and closer.
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Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
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Adrenaline re-enters my body as I try to move as Rosa tries to hold me in place.
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"¡Cálmate An-on! It's just her dog!" Rosa brushes sarcastically while adjusting her should so I don't fall.
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Then a figure emerges from the doorway that-
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That…
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That is the cutest fucking thing I've seen in my entire life.
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What's running towards Rosa and I isn't a vicious hound, but a big white fluffy dog that could easily be mistaken for a cloud. No aggression could be found on that big smile or the perked up ears from the dog's face.
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"Awoooo awooo raor raor raor!!"
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Rosa lets out a chuckle as the ashen canine comes rushing to greet her. "Hola Ghibli, it's good to see you too!"
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Ghibli? That's an interesting name for a dog.
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After getting reacquainted with Rosa, Ghibli turns toward me as it begins sniffing in my direction. Its tail starts flopping from side to side like a propeller.
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I don't really know how to interact with dogs. I've only ever met a handful back in Rock Bottom, and the ones over in Skin Row were usually some Pitbulls that people left chained up, waiting for an unsuspecting victim… or lost child.
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Rosa motions for me to lift out my hand, and I nervously comply. The dog begins to curiously sniff my hand before licking it rather excitedly!
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…this dog is so fucking cute.
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"Ah, désolé, Rosa! I tried to keep Jib-lee in the living room with Stella!" A masculine voice with a thick french accent calls out.
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Emerging from the same doorway the dog came from appears a bespectacled middle-aged Stegosauraus Male with short green hair with streaks of grey, wearing a black blazer and slacks. His gaze takes note of the stranger who just entered his house as the plates on his back twitch inquisitively...
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I realize almost instantly that this must be her father.
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I knew I should have worn my brown boxers.
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At this moment, all my mind can think of is how Fang's dad caught me in Fang's room with her, how I felt that meteor dodger was gonna put my head on a wall.
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"Oh Bonjour! You must be Anon, oui?" I'm waiting for his welcoming facial expression to become hostile, waiting for him to spit in my face and yell at me to stay away from his daughter.
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…I wait a couple of seconds, except that moment doesn't happen. Other than the slight confusion growing across his face from my silence.
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"O-oh, uh yeah, that's me, sorry about that." I stumble as the words fall out of my mouth like vomit. "Nice to meet you, and I'm sorry about everything that happened.
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"C'est pas grave, you need not apologize!" A look of concern grows across the man's face as he reads the remorse on my face. "Come, let us go into the living room to discuss matters."
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He motions for us to follow him as he lets out a whistle, causing the excited dog to rush to its owner's side. I assume taking us to where Stella and her mother are.
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What if it's not her dad I need to worry about? What if the mom is the hardass? Jesus Anon, calm yourself, lets… try to break the ice.
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"You have an adorable dog, by the way. I love the name too." I mutter as I focus on holding on to Rosa while trying not to trip on the two in front of me.
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Mr. Baudelaire lets out a chuckle in response. "Oh, Merci! We've wanted to get a dog for the longest time. And when we adopted our Samoyed, Stella was the one who picked the name."
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"Gotcha. W-what did you say the dog's name was again?"
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Despite his body refusing to face my way, his body language showing excitement at my question. "Oh! We named her Jibb-Lee. She was named after that uh…studio that made those cartoon movies that we watched with Stella when she was a young girl-"
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" …Studio Ghibli, the g-greatest movie studio of all time…" A familiar yet shaky voice calls out as we approach the living room.
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Passing through the doorway, the four of us walk into their eccentric-looking living room, adorned with a mixture of art both new and old, paired with the framed photos decorating the walls it surrounded a set of beautifully crafted furniture.
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My eyes spot Stella curled in a ball on a red leather couch. Sitting next to her is a middle-aged stegosaurus woman in a grey sweater. Based on her hair and facial features alone, it's easy to tell that this is her mother.
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Before any of us can utter another word, the dam breaks again as Stella begins to sob as she burrows her head into her mother's embrace.
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"Shhh shhh, Tu n'es pas tout seul, mon cherie." The motherly woman cooing softly, holding Stella close as she lets out a blur of emotions.
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"...Imsorryi-imsorryimsorry"
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"Non non, Stella. You have nothing to apologize for at all."
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The three of us are left standing in the living room's doorway as Stella cries in her mother's arms. Her father sporting a saddened look on his face.
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Shit-
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Feeling a brush of fur as I almost trip, I glance at Ghibli making her way towards Stella on the couch, jumping up as she burrows her head into the wailing Stego, almost as if she's pushing into her as a way of giving a hug.
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"It's okay, Stella, it's okay." Her father begins to move closer as he sits down on the sofa beside Ghibli, reaching for the forlorn girl's hand. "You've been through a great deal of pain today. Why don't you go with Jib-lee upstairs and relax in your room? Your friends will still be here."
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"*sniff* Okay… Come on, Ghibli, let's go…" Stella rose from the couch, with the eager Samoyed following in pursuit.
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Rosa and I moved a bit from the door to let the two pass through, but as she did, our eyes met. The look of fear, sadness, and shame painted across her face, almost as if she's non verbally asking for my forgiveness.
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As she left the living room and the sound of footsteps and pitter-patters began to move upstairs,
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both of her parents directed their attention toward us, more specifically me.
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Shit… Now that Stella's gone, they're gonna put my head on a spike, right? Of course, they are. Your date with their daughter caused her to have a nervous meltdown because all the stupid ass shit you said on the date, going to the arcade at the wrong time, not to mention how you attracted the attention of a psycho trigger that wants you dead. Why wouldn't they want to kick your-
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"So… How are you feeling? Ah... Anon was it?"
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My brain pauses for a moment as I hear the words uttered by the patriarch of the Baudelaire family. Why isn't he cursing me? Kicking me out of their house?
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"Can you tell us what happened at the mall?" He asked again, sharing his wife's same look of genuine concern.
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I was not prepared for this.
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"Uhhh, of course. Sorry about that, my brain is a mess today."
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"It's not a problem at all, my boy. You've been through a lot today too. Please take a seat, both of you." He addresses Rosa and me warmly, despite the concern remaining on his face.
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"So, can you tell me everything that happened today?"
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Over the course of the next couple of minutes, I began to explain as much as I could to Stella's parents similarly to how I told Rosa, explaining the date from how I found her in tears when I arrived to how she broke down in tears over the mere mention of a "Sage". How some kid pointed a toy gun at us, causing her to run out of the mall in fear, and then how Trish basically tried to murder us.
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"Then Trish began to say some really nasty shit to Stella. It really got to her too." I explain to her parents, their concerned look growing more evident. "Then Stella punched her right in the face and sent her to the ground."
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The look of surprise grows on her father's face in amazement at this revelation. "That's my girl."
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His comment earned the slightly annoyed look of his wife before directing their attention to me again.
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"Trish began to scream that she was going to kill her and ran straight towards her. I managed to get in between them and… That's when I almost died until Rosa got help."
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The room went deathly silent as we all began digesting everything spoken, giving it some thought.
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"Forgive me for asking my boy, but were 'aspie' and the 'r word' any of the insults that this… young lady used?"
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"Y-yeah…" I answer, slightly surprised at her father's correct guess.
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My answer caused a degree of discomfort and sadness to grow on the face of her parents as Rosa began to swell with anger.
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"Mon Dieu." Her mother sighed with defeat. "Hasn't our daughter been through enough? Why must kids be so cruel?"
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Their reactions, plus the emotions that came from Rosa, prove that this must not have been the first time that others have treated Stella this way, but should I even ask? Would that be overstepping some personal boundaries?
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They probably won't tell me. But It may be helpful to know. That way, I might be able to handle situations like this in the future. I want to know so I can try to be a better friend around her.
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"If it's okay if I ask, what happened with Stella? I-in the past, I mean?"
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"It is a… sensitive subject." Her father looked at me with a sad expression as he let out a sigh. "However, I can see that you clearly care about our daughter, and she cares about you. So you deserve to know the truth."
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"Before we moved to America 15 years ago, we learned that Stella had what's called… Asperger Syndrome." His french accent makes it difficult to piece the words together at first glance. "We didn't know what to make of it, but when we moved here and she entered elementary school, it was… difficult for her, for us."
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Taking note of her troubled husband, Stella's mother reached out for his hand, holding it tightly before looking my way. "And after… what happened last year, we took Stella to receive some counselling, and there she was diagnosed with PTSD."
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"After the shooter nearly took our daughter away from us and her friend co-"
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Her mother's face lights up with shock as her mouth closes as if she almost revealed something that was meant to be private. Her husband can see she's at a loss for words, so he directs his attention toward me once more.
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"All of this has been very hard on Stella. Since then, she's been very depressed and… scared. Often locking herself away from the rest of the world in her room." Stella's father's eyes met Rosa, who began to wear a pained look on her face. "And we've been so worried about our daughter when she does leaves the house that we…"
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A degree of guilt appears on his face as he's about to elaborate on Stella's emotional state.
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"We-"
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"Ay... They've been having me accompany her almost any time she's left the house."
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Turning to my right, I see a somber Rosa staring at the ground, her eyes examining the soft carpet as her inner turmoil begins to grow.
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"I… haven't been entirely truthful to you, An-on or Stella." Her apologetic eyes met mine. "It was no coincidence that I was able to find you two at the mall… They knew where she was going, and her familia asked me to keep an eye on her."
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I had a feeling it was more than just luck that she was able to find us. I'm a little weirded out, though.
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"Were you watching us the whole time?" I ask, the discomfort in my voice causing Rosa to become even more conflicted.
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"Si… I tried to keep an eye on you two as much as I could, watching from a distance. When I saw Trish come after you two when you went to comfort Stella after she ran out of the arcade in tears, I knew I had to act."
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I don't know how to feel about all this…
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On the one hand, I feel uncomfortable, knowing that her parents essentially had Rosa stalk Stella and me. Did she stalk us at the boba shop too?
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But on the other hand, a part of me is grateful that Rosa was there to help. If she was a second longer… Things might have gotten worse for Stella. But still.
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"What about that day about a week or two ago when you guys found me?" I inquire, still trying to wrap my head around the exact arrangement Stella's parents have set up with Rosa. "Stella came to the pharmacy alone until she saw me and ran the other way."
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The tan Ankylosaur let out another sigh as she briefly gazes toward the Stegosaurus couple.
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"¿Cómo lo pongo?" Rosa said with a degree of contemplation as she deflated in her chair. "It was the first time since Julio we spent any time together. I offered to go in with her because I could tell she was afraid of being outside the house. But she insisted on going in by herself."
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And I knew how that went…
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Rosa's troubled eyes met the ground once more. "When she came back to the Coche panicking, I thought I would take her for a drive to calm her down, until… Bueno, ya sabes."
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"We just wanted to make sure our daughter was safe. We reached out to Rosa since she was the only friend she had left, and we thought it would help her heal and not be so afraid of the world." The male Stegosauraus interjected, a hint of remorse plaguing his voice."
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"It-"
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Before he can say more, the sound of pitter patters meeting against the hardwood floor fills the air as Ghibli runs into the room excited.
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"You… You lied to me…"
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I turn to see the shaky voice behind me and spot Stella standing in the doorway, her tear-stained eyes angrily staring her parents down.
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Her father met her gaze with a surprised look on his face "S-Stella, how much did-"
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"I heard enough…" She cut off her father as the frustration became all the more apparent. "Do you have any idea just how much I hate myself already?!!"
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Stella turned towards Rosa, her hand raised as she angrily pointed at Rosa.
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"D-did you actually want to spend time with me? Or was I nothing but job to you? A sad, lonely child to babysit for my parents?!"
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"Stella... Hermana, I-"
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"Or did you just want to feel less guilty after Fang shot up our school?!" Stella's resentful leer alternated between Rosa and her parents. "I already feel like I am nothing but a burden to you all!! And just when I thought I wasn't alone for once, you remind me that there's…"
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Stella's voice breaks more and more as she struggles to continue.
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"T-that there's…"
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Stella stood there frozen in the doorway. Her body quivered with a flurry of negative emotions, tears streaming down her cheek.
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Before she can continue, she quickly exits the room as the sound of her wailing fills the hallway, followed by the crunching noises of footsteps on the wooden staircase.
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"S-stella! Attendez!" Her mother cried out, attempting to get her to come back but to no avail.
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The Baudelaire matriarch sighed with defeat as her husband placed his hand on her own.
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"We didn't mean to make her feel this way… We only wanted to protect her, to make sure she was safe.
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I'm.. not sure how to feel about all of this. I can understand Stella's frustration over her parents being "overprotective." But at the same time, they're right to be 'overprotective,' considering how much the shooting scarred her.
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Silence enveloped the room for a good couple of seconds. No one is making eye contact with each other. Stella's father lifted his glasses as he rubbed his eyes as her mother stared out the window somberly. Rosa's eyes pointed towards the ground with a contemplative expression.
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"Nous sommes désolés. We're sorry about all of this." Stella's father is the first one to break the silence. "I think it would be best to give Stella some time, and we'll talk with her when the time is right."
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"I think that might be for the best. Thank you both... For letting us for into your home." I thank her parents, unsure of how to express my feelings on the situation.
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"Don't be silly, my boy. Thank you both for protecting our daughter and being there for her. It means a great deal to us all." Mr. Baudelaire gave a supportive smile toward Rosa and I. "I'm sorry that we have to have you leave so soon."
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"It's okay. I understand completely, sir. I hope everything's okay with Stella."
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Rosa rises from her seat, facing me with an uncharacteristically neutral expression.
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"Vamos An-on, I'll drive you home, but I just need to talk for you a moment outside…"
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This… doesn't sound good.
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I awkwardly ascend from my seat as Rosa grabs my Crutches for me, the family dog prancing around the living room as she expresses her excitement from all of the people getting up, blissfully unaware of the current mood of the room.
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"Awoooraughrraugh!" Ghibli vibrated as she stared at me with eager eyes.
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…
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Goddamnit, why couldn't my parents ever get me a dog?
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Rosa wordlessly hands me my crutches, and the two of us make our way out of the house, the fluffy Samoyed following us as if she's escorting us to the door.
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"Au Revoir, you two, get home safely!" Her father called out from the living room as Rosa opened the door.
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The two of us exit the house, putting us face to face with the car of Rosa and Stella's parents. I can hear the sound of a door closing behind me. Now the fun part.
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"So… What did you want to talk about Rosa?" I inquire, the nervousness obvious in my voice as I turn around and see Rosa continue to face the door.
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"Chico estúpido…" Rosa coldy mutters before she turns to face me. The wrathful intent emanating from her brings a sense of uneasiness to the air around me.
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"¡¿Por qué pensaste que era una buena idea llevar a Stella sola a un centro comercial lleno de gente?!" The Angry Ankylosaur growled. "¿EN SU ESTADO? ¡¿ERES TAN JODIDAMENTE ESTÚPIDO?!"
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Rosa begins to blow up in a furious tirade towards me in Spanish. Each word and syllable becoming angrier than the last, to the point where I can't understand a single word she's saying.
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"Rosa, ENOUGH!" I raise my voice, albeit nowhere reaching her volume. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen!"
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I take a step back to give myself some breathing room, trying to balance myself against the stone walls of the Baudelaire household.
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"I didn't ask for Trish to break my fucking leg! Or for her to try and kill us both at the mall!"
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My defense does nothing to deter the vexed Dino from continuing her rant.
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"Then why didn't you let me know?! What makes you think that you know how to handle Stella's trauma as well as her best friend? Or her familia?!"
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I feel a knife twist in my gut from how her words left her mouth, separating me from 'her friends and family.'
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"I just wanted to have a good time with her, and for once… FOR ONCE, I COULD FORGET ABOUT MY FUCKED UP MESS OF A LIFE!" My retort turns into yelling as the blur of repressed emotions begins to pour out.
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"I like Stella… A lot, and I just wanted to make her happy and maybe, just maybe help her forget about her own pain too." My shoulders drop as my eyes meet the ground, the weariness apparent in my voice. "I never wanted to hurt her or make things worse. I'm just… Fuck…"
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The words I want to speak become more and more difficult as my chest tightens and my eyes become heavier. I look up to Rosa, her anger fading into a slight bit of surprise.
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"Maybe it is my fault… I've already hurt so many people that I didn't mean to. But don't you dare think for a second that I wanted this to happen to the only people I have left in my life." My voice begins to choke up as her expression softens more and more.
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"...I'm fucking terrified, Rosa…"
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The words leave my lips as tears begin to drip from my eyes, a sensation that's become familiar since my reunion with Rosa and Stella.
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"You're terrified?" She asked, her anger now replaced with concern.
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"I-I'm terrified of fucking up again, with both of you. I've felt like a walking corpse with no future for the past five months, but when I found you two again? I felt alive… again."
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My voice quavering more and more as the words become harder to say.
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"You and Stella are the only two good things left in my life, and I don't want to fucking lose you guys too…"
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My breath begins to shudder, entirely overwhelmed by the emotions that hit me not just today but for the past half year, perhaps even longer than that.
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Rosa begins to look at me with conflict, unsure whether to feel angry or sympathize with me. A part of me understands if she feels the former, but I desperately don't want to ruin one of the only good things I have left.
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She turns towards her car, quietly muttering to herself in Spanish. 'Dios Mio' is the only thing I'm able to make it from her.
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"L-let's get going Anon. We can talk about it later…" Her back remains facing me, her tail drooping as it matches her forlorn expression.
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I comply as the two of us make our way towards her sedan, awkwardly shuffling myself in after opening the door. As I'm about to close it shut, I see her again.
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Fang.
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Standing a good ten feet away from me in the neighbor's driveway. However, contrasting her usual presence of anger or hate. She looks…
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Sad, uncertain even…
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Her eyes point towards the ground, the apparition not even making eye contact with the person she's supposed to be haunting.
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Not sure what to make of the situation, I close the door as Rosa ignites the car's engine wordlessly.
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About four days have passed, and I still have heard no word from Stella. I've texted her at least five times and even tried calling her. But she never answered.
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(YOU) Wednesday 1:43 PM hey stella, how have u been holding up?
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(YOU) Thursday 7:36 PM (IMAGE ATTACHED) saw this meme after watching one of the shows u recommended, thought u would like it
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(YOU) Friday 4:38 PM hey, r u sure everythings okay? im getting worried about you
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(YOU) Friday 9:51 PM stella are you there?
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(YOU) Saturday 11:04 AM please answer
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I would ask her parents if I even had their number. They seem like nice enough people. I would also try Rosa if she didn't probably hate me right now, so I'm pretty much left with only one choice.
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Go to her house alone and check up on her myself.
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"Alright, kid, we're here!" The eccentric voice of a man calls out from the front seat.
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Guess the taxi ride was shorter than I thought it would be. I haven't used a taxi since going to Prom, typically, I would be conserving my government money as much as I can, but I'm too worried to give a shit.
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"Thanks. How much do I owe you?" I inquire as I reach to grab my wallet, my hand feeling the torn, glued-together wrap of leather in my pocket.
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"Ahh, don't worry about it. This one's on me!" He turned to me with a suave smile, glad to see at least someone stayed the same.
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"Thanks, I really appreciate it." I wish him goodbye as I grab my crutches and carefully shuffle myself out of the car.
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And seconds after I close the sedan's door, a blur of yellow flashes as the car zooms out of the neighbourhood, probably breaking several driving laws in the process.
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Ignoring the overwhelming scent of burnt rubber, I'm left standing in front of Stella's house. Gazing at the impressive piece of architecture with the well-maintained garden and Hadro Civic in the driveway, her parents being home will make this a lot easier.
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I've come this far, and yet I still feel a sense of dread and fear even… What if Stella or her parents don't want me there? My leg becomes heavier with each footstep until it comes to an abrupt stop…
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"I… I couldn't do anything to help her…"
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My eyes snap to Naser, the revenant crumpled against the garage door, sporting a look of despair in his eyes rather than that of sadism.
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"For years… I just saw my sister suffer, and I couldn't do anything… No matter how hard I tried to help, until…" His face burrowed in his hands.
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I know where this is going.
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I leave the phantom to his own thoughts as I walk towards the door, the wooden structure intimidating me far more than it should be. Well, here goes nothing…
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I press the button on the side of the door frame with my free hand, as a muffled jingle plays throughout the household, followed by the rapid cacophony of sounds that sets me off guard for a moment.
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"WOOF!!! WOOFWOOFWOOF! AwooRAuGHROWR" A shrill voice calls out as the sound of rapid and frantic footsteps begins to close in.
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I can make out a feminine voice speaking in muffled yet annoyed French, causing the excited Ghibli to remain quiet. That must be Stella's mom.
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Before I can give the sounds any more thought, the door swings open and confirms my suspicions.
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"Oh! Anon, right? Bonjour, Please come in!" The matriarch of the Baudelaire family warmly greets me, inviting me inside as the grinning Samoyed began prancing around her owner, excited at the prospect of having a guest over.
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"T-thank you, ma'am." I choke out as I carefully step through the door frame, still caught aback by her hospitality. "I wanted to come by and see if Stella was okay, I've been worried about her for the past couple of days.
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Her mother let out a defeated sigh, indicating that their attempts to get through to Stella have gone about as well as my own.
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"I'm afraid Stella is still quite upset with us. She has been refusing to leave her room. And she's been avoiding her father and I the few times she has come out." The Stego woman frowned as she explained their predicament. "However, we can still hear her cry from her room, and every time we try to comfort her, she shuts us down…"
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So I'm not the only one… I wonder if she's talked to Rosa by any chance.
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"Non, Rosa told us that her attempts to get in touch have failed too."
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The woman's face lit up like a lightbulb as she muttered something in French.
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"Hold on… Have you been able to talk with Stella over the Téléphone?"
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Yes, that's why came all this way out of the blue unannounced because I spoke with her.
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"No… I'm afraid she hasn't answered any of my texts either. That's why I came over, I was worried something was wrong." I answer truthfully, waiting for Stella's Mother to look at me with scorn any second now.
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"That's very sweet of you, mon cher." A smile appears on her face. "Which is why I wanted to ask if you would be able to talk to her? You seem to be the only one she's not angry with."
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She's not angry with me? After my stupid decisions? A mix of confusion and relief washes over me.
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"Is she in her room right now?" I ask as I wonder if her mother will bring her down so we can talk.
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"Oui! Why don't you take Ghibli upstairs with you and knock on her door? I'm sure she'll let you in."
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She wants me… to go into her daughter's room?
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Her daughter that I like… Alone.
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Huh?
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Stop being retarded Anon. Now's not the time.
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"U-uh yeah, I can do that!" I answer hastily.
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"Excellent. I understand this is a lot to ask of you, so I apologize." Stella's mother said as her eyes faced the top of the staircase. "Her room is the first door on the right. You can't miss it, and thank you again so much."
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"I should be the one thanking you Mrs. Baudelaire. I'll try to talk to her." I sighed with relief, albeit still surprised she didn't throw me out on site.
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The Stego woman addressed the fluffy dog in French. Before I could react, she eagerly ran up the stairs, then proceeded to sit at the top as she began panting in my direction. How were they able to teach a dog to follow directions as precise as that?
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"Merci! I'll just be in the dining room if you need me." She waved as she began to walk towards the corridor left of the Stairs.
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I take hold of the safety rail with one hand as I hold my crutches under my arm with my free hand, and I begin to hop up the stairs.
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Careful… Careful… Careful…
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It's okay Anon, and it's just like hopscotch. Except if you lose, you fuck your leg up some more and get set back another six months in recovery.
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Despite my fears, I'm able to ascend the stairs without incident. The smiling Samoyed standing up before making her way over to a closed door, guiding me to Stella's room.
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Hobbling myself up to her door, my heart begins to sink with each step. Why is this so hard? I was preparing for this on the ride over here.
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Her mother did say she's not mad at you… But what if that changed, or if she just assumed she wasn't mad at me when she really is?
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Deep breath Anon. Count to four inhale, count to four exhale. I can do this…
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I raise my hand, which feels as if it's being weighed down by a bag of rocks, and my knuckles lightly collide against the door.
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*Knock* *Knock* *Knock*
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"LEAVE ME ALONE. I DON'T WANNA TALK TO YOU!" a muffled voice calls out behind the door.
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That sinking feeling in my chest returns tenfold, I knew it was a mistake coming here.
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"Okay, I'll go… I'm sor-"
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"WAIT, ANON?" The same muffled voice cuts me off followed by the sound of shuffling and rapid footsteps.
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The door flings open, revealing a surprised Stegosauraus girl dressed nothing but in an oversized pink t-shirt adorned with black pajama shorts. Her usual lush green hair flowed down to her shoulders, contrasting her usual hair buns. Dark circles appeared under her eyes like a pair of shadows.
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Before I can examine her state any further or the room behind her, she suddenly wraps her arms around me, pushing her head into my chest as she begins muttering.
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"...I'm sorry… I'm sorry…. I'm sorry…"
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The tone of her muffled voice seemed to show that of relief, reflecting my own feelings on the matter.
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"Hey… Hey, it's okay… you don't have to apologize at all.." I return the hug as I close her eyes and return her hug. Her chest presses against mine as her body trembles against my own, making it difficult to stay balanced.
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However, her warm and soft embrace helps ease my troubled mind as if all the worries about her that have plagued me over the past couple of days, are finally washing away like gentle waves on a beach. After a couple of seconds, Stella pulls away and looks at me wide-eyed.
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"I'm so glad to see you. I was so worried after our…" I hesitate after the next word appears on my tongue. "Date... You were so distressed and sad, and you weren't answering any of my calls and I-
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I stop as I realize I'm spiralling with my words, and Stella begins to look at me as if I'M the one she needs to worry about.
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"S-sorry, what I'm trying to say is… I wanted to come over and see if you were okay."
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A sad smile appears on the lime-green Stego's lips as she takes hold of my hand.
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"You're too sweet Anon, I…" She hesitates as our eyes part from each other. "I should have let you know what was going on. I'm sorry…"
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She seems to feel really bad about leaving me in the dark. She's apologizing to the point where a Canadian would consider it excessive. However, before I can once again reassure her that I'm not angry with her, she speaks about it.
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"Would… it be okay if we talk in my room about it? Everything that's been happening, I mean…"
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I can feel my heart stop for a second as my entire body is frozen in place. A girl is asking me to come into her room.
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A GIRL I LIKE IS ASKING ME TO COME INTO HER ROOM!
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ACTIVATE ALL SPAGHETTI LOCKDOWN MEASURES!
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PRIORITY NUMBER ONE
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"Y-yeah, of c-course!' I choke out rather pathetically as Stella turns away as she retreats into her bedroom. Following her lead I step through her doorframe and there my eyes scan her bedroom.
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On the one hand, I can't say I'm surprised, but on the other hand, I'm genuinely impressed.
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Stella and Ghibli made their way towards the right of the center of the room, where a large queen-sized bed with pink blankets. Stella took a seat at the foot of the bed while Ghibli disguised herself among the white fluffy pillows by the head.
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Her bedroom is surprisingly tidy for someone who seems so depressed. She's certainly doing a better job than I am. Posters of popular anime and astrology-related paintings adorn her sky-blue walls. I'm quickly able to tell which ones she actually created herself. Various anime figurines and mangas lay scattered across her dressing table and nightstands.
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And facing her bed is a decently sized television, a stack of game cases lying to its left with a PachyStation 5 standing to its right.
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How the fuck was Stella even able to find one? Last I checked they were sold out everywhere, no less thanks to the Rhinoceros that buy them all up and sell them for $300 more.
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"So… Do you like it?"
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Stella's sheepish inquiry made me realize that I've basically just been staring at her room for the past couple of seconds.
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Nice going Anon. Now she thinks you're a creep AND a retard.
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"Yeah… Your room is pretty cool…" I absentmindedly answer before snapping back to my senses. "So uh… What did you want to talk about?"
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Stella patted the space on the bed next to her, asking me to join her as she mentally prepared herself for what she was about to say.
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I comply, lowering myself as I rest my crutches against the side. I'm almost distracted by the bed's absurd comfiness, but I'm too fixated on Stella to pay attention.
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"So… How much did my parents tell you the other day." She sighed, a slight bit of vitriol emanating from the 'p word.'
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Is it right to answer her? Won't it just make things worse?
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"Are you sure? We don't have to if-"
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"Please, Anon, I need to know." The Stego insisted, determined to learn everything that I was told about her.
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She deserves to know the truth… And she needs to know that I don't find any fault or judge her for this.
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"They… They told me how you struggled growing up with Asperger's Syndrome and how you almost died during the shooting.." I answer with tact, carefully, not to say the wrong word and upset her.
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Stella looks away, staying silent for a brief moment as she analyzes my words. "Was there anything else?"
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"Your… Mother almost mentioned something about a friend of yours, but she stopped herself before she could say anything else…"
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My revelations cause the Stego to hang her head low, a sad frown growing across her face, despite no tears leaking out of her eyes.
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"Sage…"
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"Sage?" I clarify.
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"She was talking about Sage" She opened her vision, gazing at me with pained eyes.
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"Sage was one of my best friends growing up. When so many people so bullied me, called me names or teased me for liking anime, Sage was the only one who stood up for me and showed me any kindness before I met Rosa." Her hand takes hold of the duvet below her, squeezing it like one of those stress balls you see in gift shops. "She was kind, adventurous, and had a great sense of humour."
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"Every weekend, we would always have nights out or stay in together to watch anime or even just any type of movie. She always loved the more gritty types of shows whereas I preferred shows like Sailor Moon, Tokyo Mew Mew, or PreCure." Stella's grip softened as a smile grew across her face. "But it never mattered to me what we watched. I was just happy to be hanging out with her again. She was a true friend… And then… A couple of months ago…"
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I'm pulled out of her pleasant reminiscing as the tone of her voice turns grim.
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"School had just started, and it seemed like any other day. Naomi talked about herself after she and Naser became Prom King and Queen. B-but…" Stella hesitates, her grip tightening once more as she prepares to dig up some painful memories.
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"The door slammed open a-and… Fang.. killed her... Right in front of me…"
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She was there? When It started?
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I feel a strange chill throughout my body as my heart fills like it's sinking lower and lower.
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"Her brother came up to try and stop her, but… She shot him too… Her own brother!" Horror painted across Stella's face as if she's forced to visit the past once more. "She then turned to me a-and…."
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No… No.. Please no.
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"She pointed the gun… At me… She almost killed me!" Stella's voice began to quiver. "I never even did anything to her! I tried to stop people from laughing at her at Prom, and I always tried to be nice to her, but she tried to murder me… like I was nothing…"
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Confliction begins to swarm my mind, every possible question and fear I have spinning around like a tornado.
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Fang… almost killed Stella?
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Why? WHY?!
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She's done nothing wrong!
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Naomi took control of her life!
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I made her life hell!
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She and I deserved to get shot, but Naser? Stella? They've done nothing wrong.
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I don't know what to feel right now. Heartbroken that a girl as kind as Stella was almost gifted with a horrible fate. Angry that the girl I loved did something as horrific as she did.
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FUCK!
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"She… Let me go. Everyone began to run out of the classroom, but I stayed behind, hiding underneath the teacher's desk. I can't even remember how long I stayed there, but I remember the ambulance dragging me out of there…" Stella begins to shudder as she looks as if she's on the verge of tears.
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My hand meets hers, and she gives it a squeeze as she continues to take deep breaths and regain her composure.
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"I-I tried to look for Sage after what happened. She wasn't answering any of my messages or any of my calls." The stego squeezes her eyelids tightly, implying that what she's about to say next is the most painful part.
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"I-I learned.. From her parents…"
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"She couldn't take the pain anymore, she took her own life…"
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The dam finally breaks as Stella begins to softly cry after sharing one of the most painful things anyone could go through, her faithful canine moving on the bed and curling up to her right, attempting to comfort her. The tears rolled down her cheek like rain falling from the gray sky.
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In this moment, I truly get an idea of what Stella has had to endure, not just within the past couple of months but throughout her entire life too.
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I used to be jealous of her, of how she could flaunt her passions without worry of being treated with scorn or rejection. Unlike me, who's had to constantly hide who I am from the rest of the world for as long as I can remember, only now do I realize how wrong I've been. How I was so blinded by apathy and fear that I was unable to see there were so many people who just wanted to be my friend.
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Just like Fang, Stella found a kindred spirit in me. And I treated her like shit for that…
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How we both know what it's like to be judged for who we are, how we both know what's it like to lose someone so dear. For once, I don't feel alone…
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I feel safe with her.
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"I miss her… I miss her so much Anon…"
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As if my body moved on its own, her arms wrap around the mournful Stego as she returns the action without hesitation.
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"I know Stella… I'm so… so sorry about what you've had to go through. You are the last person who deserves to go through that kind of hell." I fight back my own tears as Stella rests her chin on my shoulder.
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"Thank you… Anon…" She sniffles. "This means more to me than you know."
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"I should have been better… I'm so sorry, Stella…
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"W-what do you mean?" She lifted her head away from my shoulder and looked at me with confusion from those sparkling eyes.
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I need to come clean about how I feel, about everything.
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"I'm so sorry… For the way I treated you, you've been nothing but kind to me since the moment we might, and I repaid it by being a selfish asshole to you."
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"Anon…" Stella smiled softly, her eyes still glistening. "I already told you that I forgive you. I can't imagine fate was any kinder for you growing up."
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The smile faded from her lips as she looked down with a bit of dejection.
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"That day with the projector, I saw how much it hurt you. The way others treated you because of it, that's why I wanted to cheer you on in the halls, to show you that you're not alone…"
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"Your waifu is great, and I love her!" A silly comment she made at the most inappropriate time, but she had no ill will.
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She's wrong, though… I am alone, I've been alone since the day I was born… Everybody would just be far better off if I was dead.
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"What?!" Stella gasped as her face lit up with shock. "That's not true at all!"
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It takes me a second to realize what I just mumbled out loud. How I've essentially felt about myself for the past couple of months, but have been too much of a pussy to make it a reality.
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"Yes, Stella… It is." I uttered with difficulty, the tightness in my throat making it difficult.
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"Why? Why would you say that about yourself?" The sadness returned to her face, but more of an 'empathetic type of sadness.'
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I'm scared to tell her. I'm worried I'll just freak her out or upset her even more just by telling her how fucked up my life has been. How I've turned into a broken husk of a man. Until... She and Rosa came into my life again.
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She continues to look at me expectantly.
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Fuck it… She opened up about her own struggles. It's only fair that I do the same.
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"I… haven't been the same, ever since Fang shot up the school. I tried to stop her, and I couldn't…" My voice trembling slightly, my throat becoming heavier and heavier. "And I saw all those people die, Naomi with her brains splattered against the classroom wall, all of those students dead on the floor, trying to escape her, but they couldn't…"
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"I saw Naser too, the look he gave me right before he died.. It never leaves my mind." My eyes close instinctively as I try to hold back tears with every fibre of my being, each second becoming harder and harder.
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"And on the roof… I tried to stop Fang. I asked her to stay with me, to not leave me alone, but… she jumped… She killed them all, and herself, because of me…" my voice starting to crack…
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"And every day since I've woke up in that hospital, I still see her, Naser and Naomi too… Haunting me, tormenting me about what I've done, and how I f-failed a-a-and-" I attempt to finish, but I can't form the words, no matter how hard I tried.
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Stella listened intently, viewing at me not with scorn or discomfort...
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But rather genuine sympathy.
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I further explain how much I feel like I'm being torn apart from the guilt of putting Fang down a dark path and what it led to. How the only way I could find comfort and a brief respite from the nightmares and hallucinations is from a fistful of Adderall, a habit I was thankfully able to kick after being deprived of them.
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"Just when I thought things could be different at Volcano High, I found a way to make my mere existence a problem for everyone." I'm on the verge of tears at this point.
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"My entire life, I've felt like nothing but trash. Leeching off of the world, and I found out I was rig-"
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Before I can finish my moping, Stella tightens her hug, her arms and tail wrapping tightly around my stomach, bordering on constriction.
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"Please, stop… I don't want to hear another bad thing about yourself come out of your mouth." Sorrow gripping her voice despite speaking clearly, free of any tears. "The world would be a darker place without you…"
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I disagree immensely, but I'm caught off guard by her words despite that.
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Those are the exact words I would use to say how I feel about her…
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"Anon, I need to tell you something…" Stella raises her right hand and takes hold of the side of my head, her hand feeling warm against my skin.
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"Seeing you again at that drug store was the happiest I've been in a long time. I ran away because I was afraid how what to say. I wasn't sure if you even wanted to talk to me but… " Stella looks at me wide-eyed as my cheek rests against her palm. "I wanted to tell you for so long but I..."
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"I… love you Anon…"
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Four words.
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Four words are all it takes for every fear I've felt today, every regret, and every ounce of pain, to wash away.
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Her warm embrace, sweet smile, and beautifully radiant eyes are like balm to my destroyed soul.
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"For the first time in this world, I truly feel like I'm not alone…" I smile as my entire body feels light with bliss.
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"...I love you too Stella…"
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And without another word, Stella began to lean in ever so slightly, and my instincts compelled me to mirror her actions. It feels like an eternity as we close the distance, as our lips finally intertwine.
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As we begin to kiss, I feel my entire body float away with ecstasy, the taste of her vanilla-laced lips and the brush of her soft silk hair against my head.
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Nothing else matters in this moment, just Stella.