# Volcano High News

Title: Volcano High News
Status: Complete
Characters: Anon, Fang, Naser, Reed, Spears
Rating: SFW
Author: F4L
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Chatter and clattering utensils fill the air, dozens of students either eating and waiting in line for their meals. The usual din of the lunch period is interrupted by crackle and microphone feedback coming from the school PA system. A couple students sitting closest to the speakers notice someone is beginning to talk.
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"Good morning, and thank you for tuning in to Volcano High News. I'm your host, Fang Aaran, and with me is my co-host, Reed."
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"Thanks, Fang. This broadcast is brought to you by several tables and chairs we used to barricade the door."
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More students start paying attention and begin muttering among themselves about what the weird chick and carfe guy are up to.
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"On to the news. Recent reports from China about an infectious disease ravaging the country have medical professionals worried. There is no confirmation, but several experts agree the slant-eyes ate or fucked something they shouldn't have. Again."
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Some students roll their eyes and return their focus to lunch, while others are listening even more intently. A bit of commotion is heard, and the two hosts become slightly harder to hear.
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"Jesus Christ, Fang, are you trying to get expelled?"
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"I'm just reading what some other guy wrote on this site. Not like I give a shit about what some far away fucks are doing."
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"You should pick a better source of news next time, sis."
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"Get off my case, I've seen Anon browse it all the time. I'm sure that was just a fluke."
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Some more indecipherable muttering is heard before the duo goes back to the broadcast.
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"Sorry about that, listeners. Just some, uh, technical issues." Reed clears his throat and does his best to sound as what he imagines a news anchor does, "In local news, the up and coming band Vvurm Drama had a very successful gig at Dino Moe's pizzeria. Critics say the trio showed a lot of promise and were especially impressed with the light show."
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"Really, Reed? Critics?"
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"There could have been, you don't know."
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A long groan is heard before Fang resumes her news lady persona, complete with forced enthusiasm.
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"In school news, lunch is still terrible. In a recent survey conducted by a VHN field reporter, not a single student was satisfied with the quality of food served in the cafeteria."
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"Let's not beat around the bush. Everyone knows who's to blame for this."
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Numerous students have started paying attention, the subpar meals being something everyone could agree was an issue. Reed continues after a short pause, his tone harsher than usual.
"The government, of course. Instead of allowing several private companies to compete on who can provide the best and most affordable lunches, they just pick the one which gives the biggest bribes. How do you think principal Spears can afford such a nice car and house with his salary? The entire government is rotten to its core and should be abolished if you ask me."
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Silence fills the air as students poke and prod what could only generously be called food, many losing their appetites as they're reminded what they're actually eating. The awkward silence ends moments later once Fang begins speaking once again.
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"With that out of the way, time for the weekly 'biggest bitch of volcano high' reveal. Drum-roll, please."
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A low-quality recording of a drum-roll is played to build suspense. Naser wishes he could be anywhere but here since he already knows the result.
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"And the winner is... Naomi! For 4 years in a row! She must be so proud."
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Several students far enough away from Naomi snicker, while those sitting closer to her try their best to maintain a neutral expression. Fangs' voice stops dripping with sarcasm as she goes to the next 'news' segment.
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"Next up, the weather. We go live to our weatherman, Anon."
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A dial tone emanates from the PA system for several seconds before Anon picks up the phone.
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"Hello?"
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"How the weather out there, dweeb?"
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"Hot as balls, Fang. Listen-"
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The banging in the background gets louder. Sounds of furniture being dragged soon follow.
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"That's great. Next up," a loud groan escapes Fangs' mouth, her voice becoming deadpan, "Sports."
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The dial tone starts, followed by Nasers' phone beginning to ring a second later. Everyone turns to face him, eager to see how the captain of the track team reacts. Weighing his options, Naser decides to pick up the phone and get it over with.
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"Hello?"
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"Hey Steven Hawkwing, any comment on the track team's abysmal failure last week?"
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"You guys are going to be in so much trouble when Spears finds ou-"
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The call is suddenly ended as the background banging noise drowns out everything else. More furniture scraping against the floor, banging, and grunting is heard over the speaker. The noise eventually subsides, and the two news anchors resume their broadcast.
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"Looks like we're gonna have to cut this broadcast short, but we still have time for a single caller if anyone is interested."
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Barely a second later, a phone starts ringing in the background.
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"You're on the air bro, what's on your mind?"
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A distinctly female voice can be heard, but its identity cannot be discerned thanks to either filter or another method to mask it.
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"I have a question for Fang Aaran on the subject of inter-species relationships. Have you faced any prejudice over the fact that you're dating a human? Would you also recommend dating a human if one were interested in such a thing?"
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"No one has said anything about it, at least to my face." There is a slight pause as Fang thinks about how to word her response to the second question. "I would definitely say you should date a human if you are so inclined. I can't speak for all of them, but the one I'm dating is definitely a catch."
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"One last question. Can you confirm that human males can, in fact, go at it all night long?"
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No one can see Fangs' expression, but from the sound of her voice, it's obvious she's beyond flustered.
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"Haha! Well, you see... I, um..."
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Her stammering is cut short as a loud crash is heard in the background.
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"You two! In my office! Now!"