I am walking the streets around the school. It seems like it is spring time. The trees are regenerating their leaves, grass is growing threw the snow as it melts. The air is still cold and crisp, but I am wearing a jacket and scarf, as well as gloves. I just walk along, up and down street after street, aimlessly wandering. Then, standing on a corner, a figure. A tall-ish figure with a masculine build. There is something about him that draws me closer. He is wearing a worn looking black jacket, worn hat, and worn looking pants and boots too. Everything on him looks worn out and old, but they did not seem old. As I draw nearer, I feel as though I know them. As if I know him. I keep drawing nearer and stop a foot behind him. "Hey there, Danni" he says as he turns around. The person wraps his arms around me tightly. It is Nick! My stomach if fluttering, and my head feels as though it is a helium balloon, drifting off high into the sky. I just feel myself melting into his warmth. I never want this to end.

     Beep-beep-beep, beep-beep-beep. I am ripped from the dream and thrown back into my body in the real world. I sit up and press the snooze button so the annoying alarm will shut up. "Why do my dreams torture me so" I whisper to myself. Oh, how I wish that dream were real. I shake my head, hoping to toss that dream out. Why would I dream of this? 

     I get up, go take a wake up shower, get dressed, then go downstairs to get some breakfast. I try my best to push the dream out of my head, or at the very least in the back of my mind. I finish breakfast, go upstairs and brush my teeth and tell my parents that I am leaving for school, then go back downstairs, grab my backpack, phone and house keys, then leave for school. As I walk to the bus stop, I cannot stop myself from thinking of last nights dream. Where did it come from? Why can't I just push it out of my head like other dreams? More people start showing up at the bus stop, then eventually the bus comes up the hill and stops at our corner. As usual, we all get on and are each greeted by Jordy, the heavy set, old, african-american bus driver. "How is everybody doing?" he asks happily, and everybody replies "Good, thanks". "We all ready for school?" "Yup" "Then, let's get this show on the road" he says, then starts the drive to the school. Just like last year, I sit in the front, right behind Jordy. The bus ride takes maybe about 15 minutes, then he pulls up infront of the school, opens the door. "Okay folks, we're here. Time to get out and get learning" says Jordy. That’s our queue to get off the bus. I sling my backpack over my back and hop off the bus, then head for the side door of the school. The front door is always innavigable, that is why I take one of the side doors.

     "DANNY!" three female voices shriek, and before I even have time to turn my head to see where the noise came from, I am ambushed by three tackle-hugs from my left, right, and from behind. "We missed you" they say in unison. Chrissie, Missy, and Beth. I recognize their voices, giggles, and their overall greeting. "Missed you too, girls. How was your summer?" I ask, smiling a little. "You didn't come to my birthday party!" Says Missy. "Oh, sorry. When was it?" "August" "You should have been there, it was really fun" Beth adds, then Chrissie chimes in with "We played spin the bottle when her dad left to pick up the pizza. You should have been there!" "Chris! Shhh!" Beth tries to shut her up. "Anyway. It was fun, and you weren’t there!" Missy snaps. "You are coming to my birthday party! If you don't show up, we will come to your house and drag you over to my party" Beth adds, and we all laugh a little. "Well, I look forward to it, ladies" I say, laughing a little more. The first bell rings, meaning we have to part ways. I give each of them a hug, then head to homeroom.

     In homeroom, mr.Smith reminds us that we have an assembly. We wait in homeroom until the announcements come on and tell us to come down. I cannot get that dream out of my head. How warm and gentle he was. How amazing he looked. He would never want me. Never! I have to remember that! I am probably not going to see him again after the simester. Once math is over, I will never see him again. Never again, and it will be for the best. He would never even be friends with someone like me. He's a sports type, I am a music and arts type. It would never work. Never, never, never. 

     The bell rings, signaling that everyone should be in class and the announcements come on. "Welcome to the second day students. Sign-ups for all sports starts will start next week. Also, Sign up for clubs. Sign-ups are open for chess club, model U.N. club, young academics club, and the GSA are all open as of today. For details of those clubs and all the others, ask either your counselor or your teacher. Now, will all of tenth grade report to the auditorium for their assembly. That is all. Have a good day, students, and a good year" Says the principal over the loudspeaker. "You heard him. Everyone to the auditorium" says mr.Smith, gesturing for us to go out the door. "Should we take our stuff?" someone asks, and mr.Smith ignores her. I bring my backpack anyway, just in case. I walk along with all the other masses of students that push and shove their way through the halls, trying to find their friends and significant others so they can talk before the assembly and to find a spot to meet them at afterwards. It is hell trying to get there. The dense ocean of bodies that all move against one another, pushing and shoving and jostling one another. Initially, the stairwells seem the worst, but then when I reach the auditorium, the crowds infront of the doors are even worse. They are absolutely packed. After squirming through the doorway, I find where our homeroom is supposed to be in, and take a seat. Near every seat gets filled. 

     The principal walks up on the stage, clears his throat, then begins his speech. "Welcome, sophomores, to another year of highschool. You are no longer freshmen, so you are now expected to know the rules and how things go around here. You are now young adults, so act accordingly". I tune out quickly, fall half-asleep, and before I even realize it, it is over. The people all get up and started going back out the doors we all came in. I assume we go to class instead of back to homeroom. I dig through my backpack and find the schedule. I have to go to room 243, second floor. That is not too bad, it is relatively close. My journey is a simple one. I go up the crowded stairwell and walk down the hall, but I dont have to go far. It is the third door from the stairwell. I enter and am greeted by Mr. Aemos. I am the first one, which is not really anything too new for me. I take my seat and set my backpack on my desk and put my head down for a moment or two. That dream. Why did I have to have that dream? It is going to be impossible to face Nick now. 

     Class begins as soon as the bell rings. "Welcome back to class. Today is only the second day, but I believe you guys and gals may be ready to learn. Raise your hand if you are eager to learn, put your heads down if you want a free period or laxed class" and almost the entire class puts their heads down simultaneously. "Wow! Unanimous! We are giving a relaxed class today. Talk amongst yourself, take a nap, do whatever. Just don’t get too loud or annoying, or I will have to actually teach class and we will never do this again" He says, then he sits and sinks into his chair behind his desk. Immediately, most of the class starts small conversations with their friends in the class, or lay their head down and sleep. I myself take out my sketch book. I feel like drawing for some reason. I find my pencil and begin lining, my mind not entirely there. After I have the basic lines, I start adding color with my markers almost mindlessly. I snap back into my body and realize that I just drew a scene from the dream last night. I drew Nick holding me tight, snow melting on the grass near the sidewalks and bushes, our breath lightly visible, the sky a grey-blue. Why did I draw this?! At the bottom, I even wrote "In my dreams, you've held me close, in reality, I hold you to my heart" In light blue cursive letters. Quickly, I snap the book shut and look at the clock. I spent near twenty minutes zoned out and working on that picture. I put away my markers and drawing book and put my head down and wait for class to end.

     An eternity later, Mr. Aemos tells us we have five minutes until class is over. I blink a few times, forcing myself to be more awake and alert. After all, I have to try and make up for how I was acting in front of Nick yesterday. He probably thinks I am insane or something. God, I can already feel my stomach going topsy-turvy just thinking about acting so derpy infront of him again. All I have to do is remain calm, breathe slowly, and think before I act. 

     The bell that signals class ending rings. "Okay, that'd your cue to get out" Mr. Aemos says. What an interesting man. I quickly leave the classroom and begin venturing down to the basement for weight training class. Again, I am the first there. "Heya, Danny boy" the coach greets me. "Hello, mister Cavello, How are you today?" "Can't complain. Yourself?" "I am well, thanks" "You going to stick through the class, or transfer out?" He asks, then I pause to think. "I will probably try to stick through the class" "Well, if you have any trouble with keeping up with what we do in here, or have trouble with any other student, don't hesitate to tell me. Sound good, Zimmy?" "Sounds good, sir" "Good". He then returns his attention back to his book. While he reads, I watch the doorways eagerly, hoping to see Nick. A number of guys enter, though none are the one I am looking for. Maybe he won't come in, maybe I drove him away. I begin getting even more nervous and start pacing a little. He soon enters, walking beside and talking to two other guys. He is busy, I guess I can wait. I get closer and try to listen to what they are talking about, yet to no avail. To not make it awkward by getting noticed, I keep my distance.

     "Okay lads, squad up!" coach Cavello calls, and everyone starts getting in the lines in the order he put us in the other day. "Sound off time!" he says excitedly when he moves to the front of the group, and everyone in order begins saying their name aloud, and Mr. Cavello checks each name off as they call it. "Cool. Everybody seems here. So, what should we do today?" "Billy ball!" a handful calls out near simultaneously. "Hm. you know what? Let’s do some Billy" he says, then most of the class cheers, but he interrupts the cheers. "Five laps around the gym first!" The class is less than thrilled, but everyone still gets up, drops their backpack against the wall, then begin running around the gym. I do the same. It is a good thing I am not a bad runner. Initially, I just run to get it over with, but then it hits me, I can easily catch up to Nick. I run a little bit faster, passing half the class and slowing down once I get next to him. "Hey, Dan" he says. He is not even close to winded like a lot of the class seems. "Hey, Nick. How are you today?" "Not too bad. And yourself?" "I'm doing good" I say confidently. I did it! I talked to Nick coherently! I actually managed to suppress the butterflies inhabiting my insides! I did it! After the five laps are done, everyone moves into their little groups of friends. "You're not done! Five more laps, this time the other direction!" and most the class expresses their disfavor, but do it. Right off the bat, I stay be Nicks side. "So, you like Billy ball?" Nick asks, looking over at me. "What is it?" "Kind of like free-for-all dodge ball. Coach will explain it" "Oh, okay" I respond, not sure what else to say. Still, I try to stay at nicks pace so I can stay beside him.

     After the run is over, most the class is winded. Truthfully, so am I. Though, I am not panting as bad as a lot of the other and bigger guys. "Okay ladies, who's ready for some good ol' Billy?!" Coach Cavello exclaims excitedly, and the majority of the class cheer. "Brooks, Dizzy. Go back into my office and get the sack. I got some new balls that we need to break in". Two guys, who I am assuming are Brooks and Dizzy, go to the back door and go in, then return with a large, moldy, green sack that is almost as big as one of the guys holding it. "Thanks guys. Now, raise your hand if you want me to go over the rules before we kick this off?" Coach asks, and I and a few others raise our hands. "Okay. SO, if you get hit like this" Coach Cavello wings a  ball at someone, hitting him right in the side of his head. "Then you sit down. Unless you got hit in the face, then it does not count. Headshots completely count. My personal fave is the earshot. If you get hit, you sit down. If you get a ball while you are down and you get someone out that is in, then you get back up. Catching the ball gets the thrower out. There is a ten second rule, meaning that if you hold the ball longer than ten seconds, you are out. There are no sides, though you can team up. Only a team consisting of two though. Any more than that and everyone involved in the conspiracy will be out and stay out. You start with one hand touching the wall and as many balls as I feel like in the center". I think I understand the rules. Coach Cavello tosses a few different colored balls to the center of the room, and a few guys move them all to the center. "Get ready!" Coach yells, and I look over at Nick anxiously. He looks back at me. His gaze is surprisingly reassuring and even a bit comforting. His gaze says "Don't worry, you are on my team". My ears are blasted by the sound of Mr. Cavello's coach whistle as he signals for the game to start. Nick runs by me, and as he does I catch the words "get to the corner". I follow him quickly.  A few other guys moved to this corner as well, whilst many others moved to the other corners and some ran right for the center and started firing the balls through the air and making thunderous sounds at they hit the walls, and worse, bodies. 

     Clearly, they sting, and the people throwing are playing to the death. Within the first minute or so, almost everyone is out. I have made some astonishingly lucky dodges which have kept me in the game. I try my best to avoid picking up the colored balls and throwing them. I do not even focus on Nick. All my efforts are focused on survival. Though survival sounds like a simple task, it is far from. The cannonballs blast through the air, and I do my best to avoid getting hit knowing one hit would be fatal. 

     Soon, there is only five standing. Nick, me, and three monsters. My strategy of running away worked out surprisingly well. Now, if I can get one out, the game will be that much closer to being over. My goal is not to win, it is solely to stay alive. I quickly run up and scoop up the purple ball that lies between me and the three guys and throw it with all my might at one of the gargantuan males, but it just narrowly misses him, and to my horror, the ball changed targets to Nick! No, no, no, no, no! Almost in slow motion, the ball hits him square in the face! OH, CRAP!!!!!!

     "Nice shot, Zimmy!" Coach Cavello yells out. Great, now there is no denying that it was me. My heart turns to led it my chest and my turns inside out. I simply cannot believe I just did that! I am too filled with guilt to see the other three guys all firing their balls at me, and all three hit. One in the stomach, one in the thigh, and one in the ribs. The blows rip the air from me and sting a little less than initially anticipated, but still hurts immensely. "Oh! Zimmy is out!" Coach yells. I sit down and hang my head in shame. Not in shame over getting out, because I am amazed I got that far in. No. Shame over inadvertently turning on Nick. Shame, guilt, and embarrassment. If he didn't hate me for being all weird before, he is really going to hate me now. Why did this have to happen? I have barely known him 24 hours, and I make an idiot of myself, then nail him right in the face.

     Soon, the game is over and two of the three guys that were standing are still standing. "Nice work guys, nice work! Do we have time for another game, or nah?" "20 minutes, Coach" someone calls out. "Okay, lightning round it is! The rules are similar, but there are now eight balls and once your down, your down" he says, then he tosses more balls towards the center and a few guys put them all together then get to the wall. "Ready, set...." Coach Cavello blows the whistle, signaling for the bludgeoning to begin once more. I do just as last time, running to the corner, though this time I get a blast to the back of the head before I even make it to the corner. Silently, I sit down holding the back of my head. It feels as though that blast scrambled my brain. I hope I don't end up with a concussion because of this. 

     "Wow, quick game!" Coach exclaims with surprise and excitement. "Okay, if you won, step up and roll the dice. If you didn't win, get your stuff and get the hell out'a here" he says in a friendly tone. I go grab my backpack and quickly get out and start to my next class before I see Nick. I am too embarrassed and full of guilt to face him just yet. The bell for class sounds just as I make it up the stairwell. Briskly walking, I head straight for the art wing. When I get there, I get back to the seat I sat in the day before, then take out my sketch book and start anxiety doodling. I do that somewhat frequently, actually. Whenever I am really upset or worried or anything, I draw out my feelings. Take the feelings out of me and put them into the paper, or whatever I happen to be drawing on. It is typically a mindless procedure where the emotions just channel themselves and show up in whatever shapes and colors they so desire.

     "Hey Danny" I hear behind me, and I turn around. "Oh, hey Bridget, how's it going?" "Not too bad. And yourself?" "I am okay, thanks for asking" "You sure your okay?" "Yeah, why?" I ask a little unsure. "Well, you drew a picture of a sad looking puppy" she says, pointing to my sketchbook. Apparently, I did. I drew a germanshepard puppy sitting down, looking up with a sad expression on its face. "I guess I did" I say, a little puzzled as to why of all things I drew this. She laughs a little and sits down next to me. "You didn't know you drew it?" "I don't really know" "Oh, so you do that too?" "Do what?" "Draw with your brain shut off" "Yeah!" I say, a little surprised to hear she does that too. "Here is my thoughts on it. Drawing is expression of the heart and soul. The mind is an entirely different thing. The brain limits your heart. Your heart and your soul can literally do anything, the brain is what introduces logic and reality and says 'bwahaha, screw you!' and stuff" "Wow, I have never really thaught of it like that. That is actually a really cool way to think about things" I say smiling. "Well, thank you" she says, smiling back. 

     After a little while, the bell rings and Ms. Rokov comes out of the back room. "Welcome everybody. I hope you girls and guys are having a great day. We really aren’t starting anything until next week, so just do whatever. Feel free to draw or paint. You need to ask permission to use the canvas and clay, but feel free to use the paper in the back, there are crayons and oil pastels at every table in the little bins, the paint is in the back. Have fun. I will be putting on my music. By the way, I do take musical requests. Just ask me, and I can bring it up on good ol' YouTube. Any questions?" everyone goes back to their little individual conversations. "I will take that as no" she says, then goes behind her desk.

     "So, Danny? Why did you draw a sad puppy? You feeling depressed or guilty or something?" Asks Bridget, and I hesitate, but tell her everything. I tell her about my dream this morning, then about hitting Nick. Every thaught and feeling. Even show here the picture from this morning. She stares at it for a little, here face appears full of thaught. "First, this is an amazing picture and I think you should frame it. Second, sounds like you feel really guilty over hitting him. I am sure it won’t be an issue, especially if you apologize. This I promise" she says with a reassuring smile. "Sorry about all my bitching" I say, feeling better about Nick, but bad that I am dumping all this on her. "Not at all! It really is a pleasure to help people in need" she says, then pulls me in for an unexpected hug. "Don't worry, Danny, everything will be alright" She whispers into my ear, then she lets go and sits normally. An uncomfortable silence stands between her and I for a moment or two. "Would you like to see a picture or two of mine?" She asks, breaking the silence. "Sure" I reply enthusiastically. She digs through her backpack and pulls out a sketchbook a little thicker than mine, and the covers seem to me made, or at least covered in, black duct tape. For a moment or so, she flips through it before stopping on a picture. "Here we go" She says as she presents a picture of a sunset, over a forest. It is amazing and beautiful. It has astonishing detail! It almost looks like she took the picture and printed it right onto the page. 

     "Here, flip through, tell me what you like the most" she says, handing me the book. I begin flipping through, page by page. There are countless doodles that are simply amazing. Serene Lakes and forests to storms, dead unicorns, blooming flowers, cities, abstract looking doodles, sketches, and more. "A lot of those are song inspired. I am sure you could guess a few of the pictures if I gave you the songs. Spring, Mutter, Links 2 3 4, and a few others by Rammstein, Silent film, Darkest days, and a few others from Dog Fashion Disco. Some drowning pool, some saliva, some Jack off Jill, some APC, and many, many more". The musical influence in her pictures is very present in some. Some pictures are even covered in musical notes. I actually am surprised, she listens to almost the same music that I do, with a few exceptions of course. "These really are amazing" I say with a smile, shitting the book and handing it back to her. "Thank you, Danny" She says with a kindly voice, then she puts away her sketchbook. The rest of class, Bridget and I talk about art and music and movies. Favorites, ones we can’t stand, styles, genres, etc. 

     The bell rings, meaning that class is over. We leave, I walk beside Bridget to the cafeteria, then sit down at the same table as yesterday. Bridget and I sit together and talk more about our favorite everything’s. She is oddly like me, yet also very different. I feel like her and I are long lost siblings. We both just get each other. Our peace and fun had to be disrupted though by something striking me in the back of my head. I look at the floor to find a piece of chicken. How gross and rude! I look around to see who threw it, but too many people are laughing and appear to be absorbed in their own conversations for me to tell who it is for sure. I shrug it off pretty quickly and go back to talking with Bridget. Within a few minutes, it never happened. 

     "So, Danny, tell me more about this Nick" Bridget says. "He is kind of like a jock, but isn't. He is kind of like.... He has a big brother kind of feel to him. You know?" "So... Do you like.... Have a crush on him? Or is it less of a love interest and more of a platonic?" "Platonic...?" "It is like love for a friend" "Oh.. Well, I don't really know. I feel drawn to him in a way I guess. But, it really isn't as simple as love him or not or like a friend or not. I really don't even know what I am feeling. I feel as though... As though he is the sun, and I am one of the planets caught in his gravitational pull. He warms me and pulls me close. Hm... Maybe that wasn’t quite the metaphor I was going for" I say, then try to think of a better one to match the feeling. "Like a mother to a fire? Captivated by the light and movement, yet afraid to get into the flame?" she suggest. "Wow, that is pretty close!" I say astonished at how close she hit with that. "Well, besides my art being just images, I am also a poet and writer" She says smiling. Wow, she does a bit of everything! I fail at poetry and story writing, though I have tried before and people said it was good. 

     The bell rings and Bridget and I part ways for the final class of the day. Time to face Nick. I begin to feel uneasy. More than uneasy, downright perturbed. He is going to hate me! I cannot help but think about this and panic as I work my way to the classroom, dreading every second. I'm not skipping class, though it is really tempting. The tress is immense. Well, maybe I am blowing this a little out of proportion. This is all my fault. I am such an idiot. I feel sort of ill, like the contents of my stomach are yerning for daylight.

     I enter the classroom and am greeted by Ms. Weller and sit in the same seat as yesterday. I wait with much anxiety, but I try my best to look calm and hide my discomposure. God, he is going to hate me! What if he does hate me? What if he isn't coming to class because he doesn’t want to see me? He asked to be in a different class or something, I just know it. Person after person files in. None of them are Nick. I am consumed by my thoughts and self-condemnation. Suddenly, Nick appears before me and sits down. "Oh, hey Nick" I say timidly. He is clearly a bit upset by something. "Hey Dan, how's it going?" "I-I'm okay. A-and you?" "I'm fine. How is school treating you?" "Well. And yourself?" "Fine" He replies flatly. "A-are you okay?" I ask hesitantly, and before he responds, the teacher begins. "Hello class and welcome to the second day of this glorious class. Now, your supplies are due Monday at latest, but if you have your supplies for class already, raise your hand. Calculator, papers, notebooks, pens, pencils, etc". I put my head down. "Okay, so about half of you have your supplies. That is pretty good. For those of you that do not have your math supplies, you have until Monday. Next on the list is the first worksheet. I know you do not want to do a worksheet of actual work just yet. I am not that mean of a teacher. It is a getting to know you activity. There are parts where you tell me about yourself and your interests, and there are parts where you tell about what you already know. Now, I need a volunteer to pass out the papers". I raise my hand. I need to get away from Nick. His evil glare burning a hole right through me and causing my insides to melt and freeze and burn all at once. "Ah, Daniel. Come on up" She says, and I go up to her desk. "For volunteering, you get a lollipop" She smiles at me and then presents a small, round drum that is made of metal. It is bigger than a milk gallon and is full to the brim of toots pops. "Pick your favorite" She says, and I pick out a cherry flavored one. "Cherry. Nice choice". She hands me a large stack of papers. I begin walking around, lollipop in maw, handing each of my classmates the little packets. At least I am away from Nick for a little, prolonging having to talk to him about what happened. 

     The excess papers I put back on her desk. "Thank you Dan. Here, have another lollipop" she says, holding out the tin again. This time, I take a blue one. "Thank you Ms. Weller" "You are quite welcome" She says, and I go back to my seat. Nearly right away, I put it away in the front pocket of my backpack. "Okay class, you may begin. Just walk it up to me when you're done" Says Ms. Weller, then she goes back to her desk. I do not dare even risk eye contact with Nick. Focus is set solely on the worksheet, filling out questions about personal interests, favorite classes and music, etc. It takes a lot longer that it seemed it would. I turn mine in 12 minutes before class is over, and I am one of the first to turn it in. 

     "Okay. We still have five minutes. Just talk amongst yourselves. Feel free to line up at the door if you would like. That's what most the students try to do, just mass at the door until the bell rings. I am fine with that as long as no one gets hurt or breaks anything? Says Ms. Weller, and most of the class stands up and goes to the door. "Hey, Dan?" I hear Nicks voice say just before I stand up. "Can I talk to you?" "Of course, Nick" I say, my stomach twisting and turning into knots. There is a small pause. "A... about hitting you in the face..." I force out, choking on guilt, not daring to look him in the face. "Dude, relax. I know it was an accident. Really, don't sweat it" Nick says with a reassuring smile. A big rush of relief fills me, replacing the guilt and fear. He does not hate me. He places a hand on my shoulder and smiles at me as he looks into my very soul. "We're friends, and friends forgive each other over little things like that" he says. It takes all my might to refrain from full out hugging him, holding him tightly against me and bursting into tears of joy. "Thanks, Nick" I say a little shyly, starting to smile back at him. He gives a comforting and reassuring pat on the shoulder that means that everything is okay.

     The bell rings signaling the school day is done, and the class all break for the door simultaneously. I just flow with the crowd, ready to burst with joy! The crowded halls packed with sweaty guys and heavily perfumed girls seems less toxic and irritating. It is almost as if life had become a dream. Nothing bad exists, all the evils just fell away. I am surrounded by people, but it is almost as if I am not even there. I let the current of people carry me to the sunlight, and out the doors I go. As I reach the outside world, I take out my iPod and put my skull candies in.

     I begin my walk home, smiling and singing aloud with every song that plays. I am so happy! I am lighter than air and glowing with joy. He doesn't hate me! Nick doesn't hate me, and he says we are friends. Friends! I begin to add even more of a swing in my step, dancing along with every song that comes up.

     "I kissed a girl and I liked it, the taste of her cherry chap stick. I kissed a girl just to try it, I hope my boyfriend don't mind it. It felt so wrong, it felt so right. Don't mean I'm in love tonight. I kissed a girl and I liked it~" I sing almost entirely mindlessly, throwing a little bit of dance in my step. All of a sudden, it feels like I have been blasted from the side, causing me to fall into the grass, their body landing on mine. "Hi Danny!" A very loud female voice yells into my ear. It is Chris. "Hey, how's it going?" "I am okay, I just spotted you walking and ran down the street to say hi" she says, laughing and lightly panting as she dismounts me. As I get up, I think to myself how relieved I am that she didn't catch me singing, she would never let me live it down. "So where ya' off to?" She asks. "Just heading home. And you?" "That's boring! I'm going over to Meredith’s house" "oh, that sounds fun" "totally! She asked me out in like June, and I wanted to try a lady on for size" " so... you're bi?" "I'm not really sure yet. I like it because we can relate more, but it is just not the same as a guy. You know? There's so much less mystery and bitching about how confusing their gender can be" she says, then we share a brief laugh. "Your house is on the way to hers I think, or around that general area. Mind if I walk with you?" "Sure!" I say happily. 

     We walk side by side down the street. "Hey, Danny? You have any love interest?" she asks, and I hesitate to answer. For a moment or two, there is an awkward silence. "I assume that is a yes. Who is she?" she asks, and I think for a moment, not sure if I should tell her. "I am not sure if it is really love yet" I say after a little while. "Ah. So, who is she?" "He" I say quietly, somewhat hoping she doesn't hear. She makes a loud squealing noise and nearly knocks me over with a very excited hug. I am not sure how to react. She rubs her cheek against mine. This only adds to the weirdness of her reaction and my confusion. "Uhm... Chris?" "Yeeeees?" "What are you doing?" I ask, and she laughs. I just look at her curiously. "Don't worry about it, cutie" she says and giggles. "Okay?"

     For some time, we walk and talk about random things. School our classes, friends, rumors, music, movies. Somehow, I got shanghaied into promising I will go over to Chris's house this Saturday. Not that I am complaining, I am just not entirely sure how I got tricked into saying yes. Later on, we part ways and I finish stroll home. "Welcome home!" My mother greets me excitedly as I step in the door. This startles me a bit. "We have to go get your school supplies for the year. Put your backpack somewhere and get your supply lists, I will wait for you in the car" "okay?" I say dumbly. She grabs her purse and goes out to her car, I dig through my backpack and take out the papers, then toss my backpack on the couch and follow Mom out to the car. I ride shotgun. "To staples!" Mom says loudly as she speed down the street. I hate when she does that!

     We arrive at the shopping center and find parking, then we walk into Staples. "You got the supply lists?" Mom asks as soon as we get inside, and I hand her the papers. Mom skims over the lists. "You are going to need only 2 binders for the beginning of the year. That is not too bad. How are you on pens and markers?" "I-" "doesn't matter. You could probably use some more" she interrupts, then practically rips my arm off as she pulls me to the pen isle. "Typical colors, red, blue, green, black?" "That will work" I say quietly. "Let's get you an entire rainbow! Every color! Oh, and markers too!" She says as she grabs box after box in her hands. "Mom, I don't think I need all these" "Nonsense. Now here, make yourself useful" she dumps all the boxes in my arms. "Let's go find the binders now" she says, rushing off to another isle.

     We end up getting three binders, many packs of pens, markers, and highlighters, tape, a mini stapler and a few packs of staples, two notebooks, two flash drives, and a few packs of post-it notes. As we leave, me carrying all the bags, Mom looks back at me. "You are a very expensive kid, you know that?" At this point, I know better than to respond to that remark. "So, what now? You want to go get dinner or something? You hungry?" "I-" "I'm hungry. Let's get some food" she interrupts again. "Where do you want to go? Let's go to Applebee’s". We get in the car and Mom drives down to Applebee’s. It takes about 15 minutes before we are seated, and I am a little surprised at the woman that shows us to a table. She is a quiet and friendly black woman most likely in her mid twenties. She has to be eight feet tall and as thick as a tooth pick! Kind of creepy too be honest, but cool. "Your server will be right with you" she says in a surprisingly pleasant voice.
 "What a freak show" Mom whispers after she walks away. "It's not her fault she looks like that" "I know, but still, they didn't have to hire her" "that's not nice" "don't back talk to me. I just spent a ton on you for school stuff, now I am taking you out for dinner. The least you can do is be grateful". I hate when she gets in these bitchy moods. She can get near unbearable when she is like this.

     "Hello, my name is Paul, I will be your server tonight. Can I start you out with something to drink?" A guy says in the generic tone, then smiles the generic smile at us. "I'll have a coke" "a coke for the lady, and for the young gentleman?" "May I have water please?" "A water? You got it. I will be right back with your drinks" he says, then walks away. "He's cute, eh?" she says and winks at me. "Mom. Really?" I respond, very irritated. "Oh, relax. I always kind've  known you'd be a fudge packer. Well, packee" she says, laughing. "Don't look so upset, I'm only joking" "Thanks, Mom" I say sarcastically, extremely annoyed.

     Shortly, the man returns and places the drinks infront of us. "What may I get for you two tonight?" "I want a cheeseburger, medium rare" "Very good" he says and writes it down, then he turns to me. "And for you, sir?" "May I have chicken fingers please?" "Sure thing. Kids or adults?" "Adults please?" "You got it. No appetizers?" "Nope" Mom says, handing him the menus "Okay then, I will bring your orders right up" he says, then walks away. Mom has no manners at all. "Really? You're getting chicken? How do you expect to grow up at all if you do nothing but eat that crap? Get a burger, get a steak. Really, Dan. You need to start becoming a man". I just bow my head and try to shrug off her words. This is not the first time she started acting like this or talked to me like that, but... It still hurts. I know I have a more feminine build, but that's not my fault. "Swear to god, if you start crying, I'll kick your ass" she says firmly. How did she end up with Dad? He is like the nicest guy in the world, and Mom is a bipolar sadistic bitch. Just yesterday, she made me cookies, now, she is attacking me over my body. Sometimes the shift or flip only takes a second with her, though other times, she can stay one state or the other for weeks.

     Time passes, food comes, and me and Mom eat in silence for some time. "So how's school going for you?" She asks casually, breaking the silence. "Fine" "Meet anyone yet? A nice girl?" "Not yet" "Any fun or interesting classes" "One or two" "Is weight training one of them?" "Sort of". That seems to end the conversation. Both Mom and I go back to eating silently. We both attempt friendly conversation, yet whenever one of us starts it, the other just shoots it down. This proceeds through desert, where she gets ice-cream and I get nothing. Eventually, we pay the bill and leave. The drive home is near completely silent, with the exception of the radio and the hum of the car. When we get home, I carry all the bags in. "You are such an expensive kid. Hope you know that" Mom says firmly, then walks upstairs. I sit on the couch, unpacking all my new supplies and things and put some in my 'bag of wonders', as I call my pencil case, and some I put back in the bags to put away in my closet in my room when I go up. I take my backpack upstairs along with the bags after I have thrown out all the wrappers. I want to draw a bit in bed. I turn a few lights on for when Dad gets home, then I take my backpack upstairs. I toss my backpack on my bed, then get changed into my pajama pants, then go brush my teeth. When I go back to my room, I skim over my CD collection for what I feel in the mood for tonight. "Hmmm... Bullet for my Valentine, Black Veil Brides.... No.... Slipknot? No..... Hmmm......" I look over the lists, not really sure what I am in the mood to listen to. For some reason, the Dear Agony album by Breaking Benjamin catches my attention more than anything else tonight for some reason, so I put it in, then climb in bed. It is not long before I feel I must draw, so I take out my sketchbook and bag of wonders and set my backpack next to my bed. I guess I will just turn my brain off while I draw again and see what comes up. "It's over, I didn't want to see it come to this. I wonder if I will ever see your face again, and I know that I will find a way to shed the skin. It's simple, I know that I will suffer in the end. Fast I fade away, it’s almost over. Hold on. Slow I suffocate, I'm cold and broken. Alone. It's hopeless the end will come and wash it all away. Forsaken, I live for those I lost along the way, and I can't remember how it all began to break. We suffer, I live to fight and die another day. Fast I fade away, it’s almost over. Hold on. Slow I suffocate, I'm cold and broken. Alone. Fast I fade away, it’s almost over. Hold on. Slow I suffocate, I'm cold and broken.
Alone~" I sing softly to myself, drawing with my favorite black gel ink pen.

     I do not even really why I draw like this, or how I sing like this. My brain is off and not thinking at all, so how do I sing word for word, or even draw? I draw and draw and draw until tiredness begins to override my feeling to draw. I do not even bother to look at my drawings, I just pack up my sketchbook and all the pens I pulled out whilst in the mindless state. Once everything is all packed up, I turn out the lights and lay down, music still playing, then doze off, slipping into my personal purgatory. My land of dream and make believe.