First day of 10th grade. I am a junior now! No more getting pushed around or screwed with by juniors and seniors. I am that much closer to getting out of school. I simply cannot wait! I go to my homeroom, which is always the same. Third floor, room 314. I go in, sit in my usual spot in the corner of the room. "Welcome to another year of high school everyone" said Mr. Smith rather sedately. "I am not going to bother going over the rules and regulations and blah blah blah. You've all heard it about a hundred times by now. You have thirty minutes of homeroom today, tomorrow is another thirty minutes. Tomorrow, we will have an assembly in the auditorium". I look around at the people in the room to see who showed on the first day. Out of a group of 26, only 19 were there, most of them more than half asleep. Truthfully, I am almost asleep myself. I almost fell asleep on the bus as well. Praise the lord for the creation of coffee. 

     "Alright, I am going to pass out your schedules for this quarter, don't lose them" Said Mr. Smith whilst scooping together a bunch of papers together and sorting through them. He went around, weaving through desks and chairs, handing out each paper to the person they belong to. Quietly says each person’s name as he hands the green, half sheet to the person it belongs to. Finally, he came to me, handing me a green half-sheet of paper, "Daniel Zimmermann". "Thank you sir" I say as I take the paper. I skim it over. First block, history, Mr. Aemos, second block, weight training, Mr. Cavello, third, art with Ms. Rokov, then finally, math with Ms. Weller. None of them sound familiar. At least not that I can recollect.

     The bell rings for first block to begin. Damn, I hate that bell. I pick up my backpack and walk to first block class. I have to go down stairs to find room number 243 according to that half slip of paper. I find the room labeled 243, and I walk in to find an old looking man, holding a stack of papers. For everyone that walks in, he greets them in a dreary voice, asks what their name is, then points out where to sit. "Hello young sir. What is your name?" "Daniel Zimmerman" I say to him shyly. "Ah, Zimmerman. You sit..." he skims threw the list, then points to the first desk in the last row and says "there". I walk over to The desk he pointed out, set my empty backpack down on top of it, then take a seat. I just sit and watch the people walk in one after another, all of them clearly tired. 

     After the bell rings and a few stranglers show up and get assigned seats, the older man walks to his desk and sets the papers down. He opens a drawer in his desk, his eyes on the class. "Okay class, I know it's your first day back in a long time. You have had a few months of summer, but that is no excuse to fall asleep in my class. Don't let me catch you with your head down" he said loudly. He then takes out a red marker and writes in big letters Paul Aemos. "My name, class, is mister Aemos, and this is tenth grade history. If you are in the wrong class, get your ass out of here now and get to the right room" he says, moving in front of his desk. He looks like a quiet, boring old man. He is wearing a robins-egg blue shirt and tan khakis. His face looks old and gentle, he wears no expression on his face. He has thick grey eyebrows with tired blue eyes under them. His hair is thin and white, and he sports a grey go-t that has sparks of white in it. He is a little on the thicker side, but quite not obese.  

     "Okay class, in this course you will earn about the history of the world. World War Two, colonization of America, the cold war, communist revolution in Russia and china, the spread of the British empire, the mujahedeen and al-Qaeda, etc. Everything from French rev' to nine eleven. Even before and after both. I know that sounds like a lot, and it is. So be prepared, do not slack off. You will regret it. Any questions?" He looks around. "Looks like we got a dropper" he says, pointing towards the back of the class. I didn't notice when I walked in, but the back of the class is a massive map of the world. It is almost like a wall paper, and it covers the entire back wall. In front of Africa, there is a girl wearing a pink hoodie with grey sweatpants and flipflops. Hey hood is up, and her head is down, her dyed blonde hair all over the desk and covering her face. Mr. Aemos walks over to his desk, reaches into the drawer he opened and pulls out a green ball. "I knew I was going to have at least one" he said, half laughing while playing with the green rubber ball in his hands. "MAYER" he yells unexpectedly and pegs the ball at her, hitting the top of her head. She jumps with a start and the class bursts into laughter. "Christina Mayer. Congratulations on being my first victim of the year" says the teacher with a laugh. He then points to the person that picks up the ball and asks him to pass it back. After Mr. Aemos gets the ball back, he says "it's the first day, so I wont make you do anything this time, but keep your head up, got it? You respect me, and I will respect you. Do not respect me, and you’re going to fail the course and repeat the grade. Chose wisely".

    He goes back to his desk, sits down in his swivel chair and looks around at the class. "May I have a volunteer?" He asks, scooping up a stack of papers. A girl raises her hand slowly. "Good show, good show. Someone isn't too tired to participate!" says Mr. Aemos. "Come here" he says, gesturing for her to come to the front. She climbs between desks and scattered backpacks to the front. When she gets there, he extends a stack of papers. "Here, hand those out. And, this is for you for participating". He hands her a piece of candy before she starts going around and passing out the papers. She slipped it into her pocket and started handing out the papers to everyone one by one. "What’s coming around is the course outline, what you need for this class, and a sheet for your parents to sign so they are aware of the course requirements. The usual B.S." he says and looks at the clock. "Well! We have roughly forty-five minutes left, so who wants to play a game?" We all raise our hands. This guy doesn't seem too bad so far. May just be a fun class after all. "Okay!" he claps his hands together "You go first" he says, pointing at me. He tosses the green ball to me. It is squishy and a little bit cold. It feels so weird, I just can't help buts squish it and roll it around in my hands. "This is a getting-to-know-you-activity where, when you get the ball, you stand up, say your name loud enough for the whole class to hear. Then, you say your interests, which really can be anything. Keep it school appropriate though, please. After you go and hand off the ball to someone else, I'll give you a piece of candy. Whomever I just tossed the ball to, go."

     I stand up, clear my throat, and begin. "My name is Daniel Zimmermann. If you want, you can just call my Dan or Danny. Uhm, I love music and arts mostly. " "What kind of music and art?" the teacher asks. "Well, I like any music that sounds good. I actually play guitar and have written a few songs. I also love to paint and draw and make art." "That’s great. Maybe you could bring in you guitar or some of your work to show off to the class". I can feel a small blush crawl across my face. "Thank you sir, I will". I look around the class and toss to a guy that is standing in the back, wearing a sports jersey and jeans, then sit down. Mr. Aemos tosses me a piece of candy. I catch it just before it hits my face. Excitedly, I unwrap it and pop it into my mouth. Once the candy is in my mouth, I just sort of tune out what is going on in the rest of the class room.

     I stare at the clock and play with the flair-buttons on my back pack. Minutes creep bye so unbelievably slowly. Minute after minute passes. Within 5 minutes, the candy is gone. Within 15 minutes, the game is over and mister Aemos has his green ball back. "Well, class, we have twenty minutes left. I guess I'll just let you relax for the remainder of the block". Twenty minutes to basically just sit there? I wouldn't mind drawing right now, but I didn't bring any paper. Now I am mad at myself. I slide my right foot onto my left knee and begin to just play with the purple laces. I slowly start zoning out, and before I know it, the bell rings. I stand up, sling my backpack onto my back, and walk out the door with the crowd. 

     I look at the green sheet for the next class. Weight training with Mr. Cavello in room 003. The basement. I walk to the right once exiting Mr. Aemos' room, down the hall and crowded hallway, down to the stairwell. I go all the way down to the basement level, then threw the extra thick and heavy doors. Down here is one of the gyms, the health room, the biology room, and a few others I can't quite remember or do not recognize. I look for the little sign that has the room numbers. On the way, there is a small sign that points to the locker rooms. Not much further ahead is the gymnasium. It is a surprisingly large room with a few different sets of doors. The floor is made of wood and has been laminated and waxed until they shine, there are various lines in different colors for a range of different sports and games. The walls are tall and off-white, the ceiling is composed of tiles by the look of it, and there are a number of bright lights hanging down. The bleachers are retracted to make more space. There is an old looking man standing in the center of the room reading a book. He looks up at me and smiles. "Tenth grade weight training?" he asks, and I respond with a hesitant and shy nod. "Sit down lad, we have to wait for others to show up before we begin. Nice hair by the way, did you do it yourself?" I smile and explain "yes, I straighten it myself, and I even dyed it myself. My mom cut it though". He gives a nod of approval, a smile still on his face. He turns his attention back to his book. What could that book be about I wonder. He seems to be completely consumed by the novel. Sadly, I am WAY too shy to ask.

     One of the doors opens, a different one than I came in, and three guys come in, laughing and pushing into one another. What barbarians. Must be football players. "Ey Coach" one of them calls out. That confirms my suspicions right there. The man standing, reading, looks over. "Ey, Terizi, Brooks, Nels. You’re in my class again?" "Yezzer" "Haha, a stacked class already. Take a seat". I do not quite understand what slang that seeps from their mouths, but I know that whatever it is, it cannot be anything intelligible. More and more people begin to show up, as well as two other teachers, though I stopped paying attention a little bit back. "Okay lads! Attention forward! If you are here for weight training, stand up and wait near the red door. If you are here for something else, sit down". I stand up, slinging my backpack over my shoulder. I walk to the only read door in this room, trying not to make eye contact with any of the jock guys.

     The older man that was reading puts a book mark on his page and closes the book. He then walks over to the group of us that are standing and waiting for him. "Welcome to weight training lads. A few of you I know from football and taking weight training before. First things first, I am going to put you into squads to make roll call easier and faster". He looks at his clipboard and skims it over. He points to places on the floor and reads off names. Each person he names gets up and goes to where the man points. I am the last person of the last row because my last name starts with the last letter of the alphabet. 

     "Okay lads. For those of you who do not know me, I am coach Cavello, or coach Cav' if you prefer. In this class, you will be taught how to keep healthy and strong, learn new exercises and workouts, and become over all stronger. If that is not what you signed up for, or if you don't feel this is your place, there's the door". He gestures to the door I came in. This is perfect, almost exactly what I signed up for. I need to get stronger. I am so tired of being called weak or girly, even though I do look a little feminine. 

     "Raise your hand if you haven't had me for anything before or you do not know me". I raise my hand slowly as do two others. "Okay, okay. Zimmermann, Ford, Griffin. Wow, a class of all dudes, eh? A total sausage fest, right?" He says with a laugh, and the class starts laughing with him a little. "Anyway, how 'bout we get some workout partners?" People immediately start getting up and picking out people to work with. "Only two people can work together, no more, absolutely no less". He says, but no one seems to care. I look around, slightly confused. I do not know anyone here, and no one seems to want me. "Hold up, hold up. Bradford partner with Zimmy here" coach Gav' calls out. "Okay coach" replies a boy with a surprisingly pleasant voice. He steps out from the crowed and walks over to me. 

     The second my eyes were graced with the pleasure of seeing him, a swarm of butterflies swarms my stomach and the bones in my legs turns to rubber, struggling to hold up my body. His hair is short and brown with a tiny touch of blond, his skin is a little on the pale side, but not as pale as mine, his eyes are a beautiful blue with sparks of green. He is taller than me by about half a foot too. I'd guess about five-nine. He is... Beautiful.

     "Okay lads! Get to know your partner. Name, hobby, etc. This is the person you will be working with for the quarter. You have to be able to place your faith and life in their hands" said Mr. Cavello. The boy, Bradford, turned to me, looked me in the eye and extends his hand to me. "Hey, my names Nick". I reach my hand out as well and shake his hand "Danny... er... uhmm... Dan. My name's Dan" I stammer out. Danny? Really? I have to sound tough. Dan sounds good enough. So many thaughts and feelings surge threw my body. Embarrassment, attraction, shame, weakness, and more. "You okay man?" Nick interrupts. "Y.... Yeah..." "Nervous?" he asks. I nod and hang my head in shame. I can feel myself blush from the embarrassment. He places his hand on my shoulder and I look up at him to find him smiling at me. I can feel my knees weaken and the butterflies breeding and spreading. "It's okay bud, just relax. I know you don't know a lot of people in here, but I'll be your friend. Don't you worry". His words just flood my heart with emotions I cannot possibly describe. "Th... Thank you" I say. That cannot even come close to expressing my feelings. "Heh, now that's it" he says. "W... What is?" "You have the biggest smile I have ever seen on right now". I immediately cover my mouth with my hands, blushing brighter. Oh no, oh no, oh no. Now he Thinks I'm creepy or annoying or something. I am beginning to panic. "Dude, relax" he says more firmly. I try to put on a poker face, masking all these confusing and complicated emotions. I feel so beyond awkward. I look at him, trying to keep a straight face. "So, Dan. Where to start?" "I... I don't know? M... Maybe.... Uhm.... W.. What are you hobbies?" "Well, I spend a lot of time taking care of my younger siblings and doing football. And yourself?" I pause for a moment, not sure what to say. Will he think less of me for sucking at sports and loving music and art? I do not want him to hate me, not already. We just met. "I... I love music... And... Uh... Art". The words are a drunken man that staggers out of a bar after drinking collapsing doses of alcohol; all over the place, stumbling and fumbling all over. Anything but elegant. "Oh, cool" he says. I'm not sure if he was serious, he thaught it was cool, or if he is just humoring the bumbling idiot.

     Time passes, and my talking failures don't get any better. Wow, I have never felt this nervous before in my life! This should not be that difficult. I mean... He's just a person. Right? 

     Mr. Cavello calls our attention back to him with an ear splitting screech of a whistle. "Okay lads, class is almost over. Come up and take your syllabus to get signed, then get out". I am hesitant, nervous to walk away from Nick. I wait for him to go get the paper before I go to get one. He comes back to me and hands me a paper. "There you go bud" he says, handing me the paper. "Can't have my training partner getting trampled by that crowd over there". I couldn't help but smile as I accept the paper. "Thank you Nick". 

     "You can line up at the stair well and wait for the bell to ring. I know some of your classes are far from here, and we can’t have you late, now can we?" says Mr. Cavello. Everyone starts leaving, including Nick. We gather in the hall near the door leading to the stairwell waiting for the bell to ring. I can't get Nick out of my head. Why did I freak out like that? I know there can't be anything wrong with him.... Is it me?

     The bell rings and we all serge threw the doorway and up the stairwell. I look at the little green sheet to see where I am going. Art lever three with Ms. Rokov, room 105. First floor. I go up to the first floor and look at the numbers. Room 196. So, I am a little bit off. I already lost Nick in the crowd, so I can't use it as an excuse to talk to him, if I could even talk to him.

     I walk down the hall, pushing through the crowds, down towards the main door. The art hallway is not too far from there. Art class should theoretically be down the art hallway, so, that's a good spot to start the search. You can always tell when you are in the art hallway. There are paintings and posters and sculptures lining the walls. Some of them are beyond amazing, things that belong in an art museum. Other things are... Less than stellar. I walk down the hall to see what has changed since last year. There are a few new sculptures of clay and paper mache, and new posters on the walls. Nothing that amazing to be honest. I continue down the hallway, looking for room 105. I soon find it, right in the middle of the hall on the left hand side. I enter, and the room is so vibrant and colorful. There are various things hanging from the ceiling and stacked on colorfully painted shelves and cabinets. There are large, slate tables standing scattered around the room, each surrounded by stools that are painted with various pictures. I pick the table near what seems like the front of the class. I like the sun flower one, and the one of the fish in the stream, but my favorite is the one of the wolf peeking out from behind some fir trees. I take a seat, setting my backpack next to the chair and wait for class to start.

     A small, very pale woman with white hair down to her shoulders walks in eating a candy bar. She is wearing a yellow dress, zebra print slippers, a rainbow bow in her hair, earrings that look like she made out of copper wire by herself, and her glasses are amazing. The left lens is pink, the right is green. Two of my favorite colors. She also has a whole collection of rings on her hands, and a paint brush hidden in her hair. I can tell already, she is going to be very interesting to say the least. 

     As more people show up, I realize, I am a minority. I am one of only two boys in the class. Two boys out of a class of twenty six. "Guys are an endangered species in this class, huh?" says the older woman with a laugh. I smile a little, noticing she's looking directly at me. She then turns her attention back to the class. "Hello students of art! I am Ms. Rokov. Nearly any nick name you want works for me. All I really ask of you is that you do not destroy my room, are nice and respectful, you get done what I say to, and... That's about it". She seems so fun. I am going to love this class!

     She explains where everything is. The paints, paper, brushes, canvas, pastels, clay, dyes, and more, then she gives us the rest of the class as a free period. Then she retreats into the back room. I scan the class for people I know, but don't recognize anyone. Then, one girl walks up to me. She is about my height, wearing baggy-looking black pants with a dark blue zip-up hoodie on and a sparkly green shirt under it. Her hair is long and black with light blue highlights. She has her lip pierced as well. "Hey" she says softly. "Hey" I reply. "My name is Bridget, what’s yours?" "Dan. A pleasure to meet you". She bows, then smiles at me. "This seat taken?" She gestures to the seat next to me. "Not at all, it’s all yours" I say a little nervously. It's not too often I get people wanting to sit and talk to me.

     "So, Dan, how old are you?" she asks, smiling. "Sixteen" "Sixteen?" "Well, in a month or two". And we talk back and fourth like that for a little, learning about each other. Her favorite color is dark blue, my favorite color is green, her favorite animal is the platypus because it is so different, mine is the Siberian tiger because it is so beautiful and majestic. We keep talking and talking about the randomest things until the bell rings for lunch. We grab out back packs and head to lunch, still talking. She is so fascinating. Right off the bat I feel as though I have known her from birth. 

     Bridget and I walk to the cafeteria and look for people we know to sit with. I don't really see anyone worth sitting with, and neither does she, so we just find a nice spot at the edge of one of the lunch tables near the back wall. She packed her lunch, and I do not really feel like eating. In summer, I would not even be awake yet, let alone hungry. So, I just watch her eat and talk with her more. She is practically my long lost sister.

     When lunch ends, we part ways to find our next class. I have to find room number 340. That’s all the way up on the third floor, not too far from my homeroom, I don't think. I go up the crowded stairwell, weaving between masses of people that are blood clots in the veins that are the hallways. I eventually reach the third floor math wing, and look at the room numbers. Eventually I come to room 340 and walk in. A relatively young woman, wearing jeans and a blue shirt with blonde hair and white sneakers. She is standing right next to the doorway. "Name?" she asks in a friendly tone. "Daniel Zimmermann" "Dan Zimmermann" she says, skimming a list of names she holds in her hand. "Right up front" she says and points to the desk right behind me. I place my back pack on the desk and look around. Simple square room, full of desks set in groups of fours, only a few people in there. None I recognize. In the front of the class, there is a typical teachers desk and a white board that covers most the wall. No windows though. My attention shifts to the doorway and the people coming in. One after another entering the doorway and assigned to seats. 

     One after another enters the room, nearly filling up all the seats. I start to day dream a little. I cannot get Nick out of my head. His image, him talking to me, his voice, his words. "Hey Dan" I hear, and I am called back to the present. Nick is here, and not only that, but he is assigned to the seat right across from me! Wow! "H... How goes it?" I stammer out, super surprised and caught off guard. "I'm okay. How are you?" "I... I'm good. L... Long time no see". He laughs a little. "I know, right?". Wow, I simply cannot believe I have the great privilege of having Nick in not one, but two classes!

     "Okay class, welcome to tenth grade math. I am Mr. Weller" says the woman as she writes her name on the board. "In this class, you will continue algebra one, learn geometry, and begin algebra two". I start fading out, staring at Nick. My mind completely shuts off and the universe falls away. The only thing that exists are me and him. Nick Bradford. What a guy. He is so beautiful, even when he looks like he’s thinking or listening. Then he looks at me. More caterpillars emerge from metamorphosis in my stomach, fluttering around like mad, the second our eyes meet. "Dan? You okay?" he whispers. I quickly snap back to reality and nod. My eyes dart to the teacher, though my brain is still captivated by nick. 

     The teacher starts passing out course outlines to each group of tables. Just another paper for me to take home and get signed. I put it away into my backpack after skimming it over. I cannot help but glance over at Nick every so often. Whether he notices me or not, I am not even sure if I would want that. Would he think me any weirder? Would he start avoiding me?

     I have no idea how much time I spent just watching Nick, but before I realize it, the final bell rings and school is out. Everyone grabs all their bags and gets up near simultaneously and heads towards the door. I sling my backpack onto my back, my eyes still focused on Nick. Once he slips out of my view, disappearing into the sea of people that serge the hallway. I weave my way into the crowd and let the current lead me to the stairwell, and eventually outside. What was that? Why couldn't my eyes focus on anything else other than Nick? That has never happened to me, ever. He was beautiful like no other, but, it's not like he was glowing with a halo over his head. He was not anything super special, but.... There is just something about him.

     As I get outside and begin my walk home, I rummage through my backpack and pull out my iPod. Popping the ear buds in my ears, I shake it to put it on shuffle and start my walk home. Like always, I sing along to every song. From Metallica to Marilyn Manson, to Jack off Jill, to Rammstein, and more. My mind is typically vacant as I sing along or my mind is on the words. Instead, my mind is on Nick. Why can I not get him out of my head? His face, his voice, his image. All of it runs through my head over and over. How nice he was, how sweet he sounded. Him, Nick.

     In seemingly no time, I reach my house. Nothing special. Typical two story home in the suburbs. I pull out my house key, unlock the door, and go in. Like usual, I toss my backpack on the floor next to the door and go get a snack. "Danny? That you?" my mom calls down the stairs. "Yeah, Mom" I call back. "I made cookies. In the kitchen, next to the oven. I put them in tin foil to keep them warm. Take as many as you want." "Thanks Mom" I call back. I go into the kitchen a find the batch of cookies she made and take a peek. The delicious scent of fresh baked cookies fills my nostrils. How amazing! I can feel myself drooling. So I am not tempted to eat them all right now, I close the tin foil back over the plate, then go to the fridge to get the milk. There is nothing better than Moms cookies with nice cool milk. I pour myself a nice, tall glace of milk and then grab a small handful of cookies, stacking them neatly on the plate. They are still warm and a little gooey. I carry the plate and glass to the living room, set them down, and flick on the TV. As usual, there is nothing really worth watching, but it television is not what is on my mind. As I take a warm cookie and submerge half of it into the milk, I whisper to myself "Nick Bradford".

     I finish up the cookies, then stretch out on the couch. Those cookies were amazing, as usual. I wonder if Nick likes cookies and milk. I'm sure he would love these if he tried them. A small sigh slips from my lips as I think about him more. My mom comes downstairs and walks into the living room. "Hey, how was school?" "Fine." "Fine? Just fine?" "Yup. Nothing special" "oh, okay. What you want for dinner?" "Mmmm, don't feel like dinner tonight" "Okie doke" she says, then goes back upstairs. I do not eat all that often. I am not anorexic or anything like that, I just don't need as much food. I am more than content with one or so meals a day. I guess that is why I am so small and scrawny. But, I can also eat a lot. Once me and my cousin Steph had an eating contest and I ate a whole pound of meat. So, maybe that is not it. "Eh, oh well. I am small, scrawny, and gorgeous" I say quietly aloud and laugh.

     Those papers for school, I need to get them signed. I don’t feel like having a big conversation with my mom though, so I do what I always do. I put the papers in a stack and stick a post-it note ontop and write 'Dad, can you sign these for me for school please? THNX~' on it. I then leave the papers in my dad’s office on the seat, then I go upstairs to my room. First thing's first, I start my music. I turn on my CD player and look threw my CD collection. "Hmmmm.... What am I in the mood for?" I ask myself, exploring the vast collection. I pick one out and skim the songs on it, then put it back. I do the same with a few others. Suicide Silence, I wrestled a bear once, slipknot, or APC? "I am feeling more mellow. A Perfect Circle it is" I say, reaching for the A Perfect Circle CD. Thirteenth step or eMotive? I pick up the Thirteenth Step CD and pop it into the CD player. As soon as it starts, I start getting undressed. I pile my clothes up in the corner of the room as usual, then search for my pajama pants. I love my pajama pants. They are green-plaid and long and baggy. They are warm and soft, and so comfortable. 

     "Mom" I call down the hall. "Yes hun?" "Where's my pajama pants?" "The green ones" "yeah, where are they?" "They are in the wash. I got you a nice pair of blue ones though, if you want, a black one too." "Fine" I reply. I don't bother trying to put my skinny jeans back on, I just wrap a towel that is hanging at the foot of my bed around my waist. "Why don't you take a shower and get all the stink of the day off you" she calls down the hall. I sigh and call back "Fine" and head for the shower. I close the door behind me, then remove the towel from my waist and hang it on the door knob. I turn the water on and wait for it to heat up. "Hmmm...." I examine myself in the mirror. I look so feminine. All I am missing are the boobs, and I could pass for a girl, excluding the lower half. I look closer at my facial features, then my chest and abs. "I need to work out. No muscle" I say to myself as I poke each muscle, testing to see how tough each feels. "Meh". I just shrug and get in the shower, which is nice and warm. I wonder, would Nick like bigger muscles? Or would he like a guy that is scrawny and weak? Maybe I should ask him, but I don't want to scare him away. Maybe after I get to know him a little more. "Yeah, I'll get to know him more first" I say quietly to myself as I begin to wash myself in the strawberry scented body wash I asked my mom to get. Heh, I love strawberries. What does Nick like?

     There are a few knocks on the door, then it opens slowly. "Your pants, I'm putting them on your towel, okay hun?" "Thanks Mom". And with that, she closes the door and goes back to whatever she's doing back in her room. I start shampooing and conditioning my hair. I wonder, does Nick like long hair or short hair? I shake my head and rinse it out. He's probably straight. Why am I even bothering, thinking like this? 

     I finish up in the shower, move the pajama pants my mom brought. They are blue plaid. Not my favorite, but they will do. I dry off, then slip on the pajama pants. At least they are comfortable. They are baggy and warm, nice and comfortable. I toss the towel in the laundry box in the corner of the room. It is a big, white, wooden box that we fill with clothes that need to be washed so that they are not scattered all over. I open the door and walk to the hall to my room. A Perfect Circle is still playing, but I do not feel like listening to that right now. I pop out the APC CD and put it back in its case, then slide it back into its place. Then, I take out another CD, Rammstein's Rosenrot album, and pop that in. I listen for a moment or two to make sure it starts right, then I flop onto my bed, thinking. The sun is still up and shining through my window. 

     "Nick" I whisper softly, staring at the ceiling. I cannot wait to see him, yet, at the same time, I am not sure I want to see him again. If seeing him twice has my head full of fog, what will seeing him more do to me? I need to stop thinking about him, but I can’t. Is this my first crush on a guy? No, I cannot like him, not like this. 

     Anxiously, I toss and turn and roll around in bed, trying to clear my head. Eventually, I slip into my glorious world of dream.