Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. The alarm clock chimes on for a minute or so, my eyes glued shut by rest. Four twenty AM. I get up slothily and stretch, then go to wake up Sean. I open the door to his room and shake him a bit. "Up, Sean. Time to get up" I say as I shake him gently. He sits up with a bit of a start and stares at me. "Ugh, Nick. What time is it?" "Four twenty. You said to wake you up, remember?" "Yeah" he says tiredly, then gets up. "I'll go start the coffee pot" I volunteer, then walk to the kitchen. I turn the light on, find the coffee maker, put in the little coffee pouch and rinse out the pot. Then, after rinsing the pot, I fill it up with water, pour that into the coffee maker, then put the pot under where the coffee comes out. I hate the school year. I am way too tired right now, but I have to get things ready. I gather clothes for me and my younger siblings. Shirt, pants, underwear, socks, then put each pile of clothes ontop of their shoes. Sean is already in the shower, then I'm next. To keep awake, I flick the TV on for some noise. Now, all I have to do is wait for Sean to get out, then I hop in and get dressed. After that, I wake up Jill and Jack.

     The door to the bathroom open and steam wisps out, low to the ground. "Nick, your turn" he says as he steps out with a towel around his waist. I go in, remove my boxers, set them in the laundry pile in the corner, then climb into the shower that Sean left running for me. It is a nice wake up. Sudsing myself up, I begin thinking. Today is the first day of 10th grade. Two more years after this, and I am out of high school. No more pretending to be happy for those idiots and feigning laugher and smiles all the time. 

     I finish up in the shower, scrubbing and rinsing, then turn off the water. The towels that are on the counter are nice and soft. Nice and comfortable. I dry off with the one I normally use, then wrap it around myself as I walk out of the bathroom. Now, I need to get dressed and make breakfast. Toast should be good enough, maybe eggs for Sean. I throw my clothes on, then go to wake up Jill and Jack. They usually wash together to save time and water.

     I shake them awake the same as I did for my older brother. Jill gets up a little more readily then Jack. Jill is already almost to the bathroom by the time Jack gets up out of bed. This is their second year of middle school. I am glad they are having an easier time than I had. I struggled with all the work, the teachers hated me, the principal had it out for me. It was really just a living hell for me.

     I go plug in the toaster and put bread in it, then get some plates ready. I pour orange juice for everyone. Sean is sitting on the couch, hunched over his cup of coffee, staring mindlessly at the television. The weather segment of the news is on. I guess he is looking for the road conditions or something. The toast pops, and I take it out, butter it, spread jelly on it, then cut it and load more bread into the toaster. "Here, Sean" I say presenting the plate to him. He nods in acknowledgement and takes the plate. I can tell by the look in his eyes that he is worried about something, though I am not sure what. I go back to making toast for everyone, but am a little worried. He is the only one bringing in money, and if he gets fired, we lose the house and get separated. That is something we all fear deeply. "How’s work?" I ask Sean to break the silence and maybe find out what’s bothering him. "Eh, it's fine. Looking forward to school?" "Not really. Though, I guess it is necessary" "Yes, it is. I may not like work, but we all need it. Trust me, it'll pay off".

     Jack and Jill wonder out of the bathroom, dripping wet with their towels draped around themselves. "Nick, where's our clothes" they whine in unicen. "Look where your shoes normally are" I call down the hall. Jill finds them first and points them out for Jack. They race to see who gets dressed faster, as usual. Jack wins this round and beats Jill to the breakfast table. They both laugh a little and dig in. I do not start eating until they are done because I do not want them to leave feeling hungry. Instead, I pour myself a cup of coffee. 

     "Gotta run" says Sean, setting his cup and plate on the coffee table and throwing his jacket on. He gathers his keys, cell phone, wallet, and more; everything he needs for the day. Before he leaves, he says "Be home at six". He leaves, and I close and lock the door behind him.

     As Jack and Jill finish breakfast, I check on Mom. She is sprawled out, naked and face down, asleep in her bed. Her sheets only covering her left thigh. It nearly brings me to tears every time I see her. She is so pale and thin and always looks so sickly. In old pictures of her, she was so beautiful. Her addictions destroyed her, but made us. Jack and Jill are too young to know, but the reason they do not have a father is not that he died fighting for our country, but our mother whored herself out for money for drugs but could not afford the birth control or the abortions, and she didn’t care much at the time. She told me that once, when she was just between the line of sober and intoxicated. Sean told me the same, as did our grandfather. It is sad. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about sometimes. I do not know my dad because my mom whored herself out to random strangers for money for drugs. Sean accepted it, I am trying to, and Jill and Jack are not to know about it for as long as possible.

     I hear Jill and Jack finish up their toast and orange juice, then putting their cups and plates next to the sink to be washed. I make sure they have everything for the school day before I begin my walk to school. Unlike myself, they take a bus that they have to catch. "You two ready for school?" I ask them, and they look at me like I just said I was going to burn the house down. "Ever the drama queens, I see" I say with a smile. They smile back, then get their back packs. "Later Nick" says Jack, and Kill continues "See you when we get back. "Try to have fun you two, and be safe" "We will". And, with that, they leave for school. I get Sean’s plate and cup and put it next to my younger siblings', finish my coffee and the left overs, then make sure I have everything together for school. I turn the lights off, sling my back pack over my shoulder, then close and lock the door and begin my walk.

     Absent mindedly, I begin my solitary and silent stroll to the school, just like I did last year. Today is my first day of tenth grade. After this year, two more years of dealing with these people and pretending that everything is okay for everyone, then I am free. Well, free-er. I will probably get a job like Sean did and help take care of Mom, Jill, and Jack. Life is so day-in-day-out. Why is that? It is so boring and nothing ever changes. You spend your young life learning so you can get a job, then once you are out of school, you get a job and do nothing but work until you die. Life should not be this way. It should be about living, and it has not been that way for a long time. It is so depressing, knowing that you only live to work, day-in and day-out. Same thing, every day until I die. I cannot give up on life because of my family, but the thaught has crossed my mind to end it all. Things have stopped making me happy. I wear a mask every day infront of these people at school. I hate having to wear a mask, but I am not going through all that therapy and medication and brain washing and everything that we cannot afford.

     The smell of cigarette smoke begins to stretch out into the air. I am near smokers corner; one of three corners across the street from the school where the smokers hang out and smoke before or after school. This is how I know I am getting close. I keep walking, and shortly the school comes into view. "Sup Nick" I hear a voice say, and I turn around to find Rick. Rick is one of the kids on the football team. I reply back "Hey man, how goes it?" "Too early for this, man" he answers back, blowing a puff of smoke in my face. He then presents his cigarette to me, offering me a drag. Of course, I would not pass it up. I take it and inhale deeply, then pass it back. "Got a new pack of Newports" he says, almost braggingly. I intentionally blow the smoke in his face, and he laughs. Time to put on my mask already.

     He begins asking questions about my summer vacation, and I throw the questions right back. As usual, my answers tell little. Though, it is not like I did anything really anyway. I took care of Jill and Jack and Mom whilst Sean worked. Rick keeps droning on and on about how he went to amusement parks and did games, and other fun things I cannot afford to do. I keep smiling and listening, laughing when it seems appropriate. "Ah, I think I see Kati" he lays looking behind me. Katline is his current girlfriend. Not particularly my taste. She is one of the girls that all about tanning and make up and pretending to be cool. Really, she is just another mindless whore, but those are the types the crowed im in favors. I tried dating one of them, but I could not, for the life of me, tolerate her incessant rambling on about her nails or her hair or her makeup, or even her annoying little rat dog, or bitching about how her parents are so hard on her and how life is so unfair and how school is so hard. These people make me sick. They do not appreciate anything. 

     Rick leaves to talk with her, so I continue on to the school. Once I get in, I try not to make eye contact with anyone to spark any more unwanted conversations. I simply make my way to my homeroom which is on the second floor, room 207. When I get there, the door is locked and the lights inside are turned off, so I drop my backpack on the floor against the lockers next to the room, then I sit down beside it. I am so tired and drained already. I am not even close to used to waking up so early. 

     "Good morning Nick" I hear, and I look up. Mrs. Ritter is standing there with a stack of books in her hands, looking down at me. She looks just like she did last year. She wears a white button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up, black dress pants that come to her ankles, and neon pink high heel shoes. She has to be at least forty, most likely older because you can see that her hair is dyed to look brown. Maybe she just does not like her hair color, or she is hiding the fact she is getting older, similar to a handful of football friends' moms. "Good morning Dr. Ritter" I reply, feigning a smile. "Tired?" She asks, searching her pockets. I nod and stand up slowly. She finds her key ring and tries out each key on the door. "Have a good summer?" she asks. "I had an okay summer. Nothing amazing, but wasn't awful either. Thank you for asking. And yourself?" "Mine was rather hectic. Kids, husband, birthdays, keeping everyone entertained, etc. Thanks". She finds the right key and unlocks the door. She walks over to her desk in the front right corner of the room. "Nick, can you get the lights for me?" she asks, setting down her papers on the desk. I flip the switch and the lights flicker on. "Thank you" she says, and I not in acknowledgement, then take a seat. I almost immediately realize I left my backpack in the hallway and go get it. I come back in, set the bad down on the desk, take my seat, then use the bag as a pillow. "One of those days, eh?" Dr. Ritter called, and I respond with "Totally one of those days", and she laughs a little. I burry my face in my backpack and rest a little. Not quite sleeping, but shutting off various functions like sight, smell, movement, to relax my body and rest. I keep my ears listening, and my head empty.

     The sound of footsteps hits my ears, and I look over instinctively. It is a small girl who is very quiet. She looks like a smarter student, or 'nerd' as people call them. She is cute and sweet. "Good morning Katelina" says Dr. Ritter, and she responds "Good morning Mrs. Ritter, how are you today?" in a soft voice. Her skin is lightly tanned, and her hair is blonde and reaches passed her shoulder blades. She wears thick-looking glasses with black with square frames, as well as a light blue skirt and matching jacket. She wears white shoes with blue soles and rainbow laces. Her nails seem to have little flowers painted on them. Her backpack looks like a painting. It appears like a normal backpack in style, but rather than simple blacks or whites or pinks, it has a picture of the sun shining down on a grassy field. A dear stands in the field, eating grass, and there are squirrels running about, and in the background there looks like a forest. The detail is astonishing, and the picture itself is beautiful. Katelina and Dr. Ritter go back and forth for a few minutes as more people trickle in and find seats. It is all the same people as last year. I close my eyes and put my face back into my back pack, but still listen in to the world around me. A loud and obnoxious sounding group go through the door together. "Hey there Nick! What's up bro" I hear, and look up. It is my 'friends', Justin, Paul, Chris, and Lenard. I blink a few times, trying to wake up a little more. "How was your summer man?" asks Paul, directed at me. "Was meh, and you guys?" I ask, and Chris starts "I got laid. Remember that blonde cheer leader? I nailed her. Also, I had a party and nailed that girl. What's her name? Jenifer?" and Lenard jumps in "It was Julia" "That’s it! Julia. Not bad man, not bad. B T W, I tried to invite ya, but couldn't get a hold'a you. Where were ya'?" "I was probably sleeping or on vacation or something" I say. "I got my permit over summer, and I got totally wasted a few times" Says Lenard, then Chris says "Yeah, I remember you at my party. You can’t handle your beer dude", and we all laugh a little. I could not care less about their ventures. They all have the same stories all the time, going on about who they fornicated with or how dumb they are when they drink, or about what privileges they get but never appreciate. They do not care about who they fornicate with as long as they do it. They clearly have no respect for anything. I cannot stand them! I hate their behavior and their sense of right and wrong. But, I have to do my best to blend in with this scum, at least until I no longer have to deal with them.

     They continue their mindless chatter and bragging about who did what over summer until the bell rings, then they find chairs and pulls them all over into one circle, and I join in. "Okay! Welcome to tenth grade everyone! I'm sure by now that you all know me. I am doctor Ritter, and I am a history teacher for juniors, as if you couldn't tell by the various posters and clutter around the room. Any questions, ask, be polite and respectful, etc. You heard the same stuff last year, and it’s just common sense. Now, I am going to pass out course schedules for the school year. Any issues, go talk with our guidance counselor, Mrs. Tresso, down in the office" Says the teacher, then she begins passing out our schedules for the year. The group of guys I am sitting with continues their mindless babble and I continue to pretend to care. A few girls pull up chairs or sit on the desks nearby and join the conversation. The sluts that follow around these emotionless cave men. I do not leave the group or the conversation, but I really do not want to be a part of it.


     When I get my schedule, I thank her, then skim it over. Chemistry with Mr. Siefert, room 309 first block, second block, weight training, Mr. Cavello, room 003 in  the basement, third block is home maintenance with Mr. Naples in room 151, and finally Mrs. Weller in room 340 for math. I only know Coach Cav', the rest do not sound familiar at all. "What classes, Bradford?" asks Lenard, and I show the circle my schedule s they can all see. None of them have the same classes, thank god. Dr. Ritter makes an announcement that today is going to be an extended homeroom, as well as tomorrow and tomorrow we will have an assembly. We are left to talk. The circle keeps talking and I keep counterfeiting investment in the conversation until the bell rings for first block.

     Immediately, I begin my search for room number 309. Chemistry first thing in the morning? There have been worse things, but still, not the best. My brain is barely yet freed from its slumber. Eventually, after pushing through several masses of people, I find the correct room and enter. The desks are the typical science desks; black slate tables with wooden legs and frame. There are two chairs pulled up to them. They are in three rows of five. Several of the tables are all ready full. On the white board, in black expo, it says 'Good morning class and welcome back to school. Take a seat anywhere, I shall be in shortly'. Few delinquents sit near the front, so I pick out a seat towards the front, near the door. More and more people flow into the room and pick out seats near their friends and people they horse around with. The bell rings and the teacher steps out of the closet, at least I think it is the teacher. He is tall and not too old. He has short light brown hair, brown eyes, and tan skin. He wears a white button-down shirt and black-grey jeans, as well as polished dress shoes.  "Good morning class!" he says in a very energetic voice. Right off the bat, I know this class won't be well for me. "How was everybody's summer? Raise your hand if you want to tell about it" he says too emphatically for my taste. Near everyone immediately hops up, firing their hand into the air and waving it. I guess they figure the more motion you make, the more likely you are to get called on.

     The ritual continues. The teacher calls on various students with their hands raised, he asks them their names and what they did over their vacation. Sleep, parties, birthdays, movies. Nothing unanticipated, nor interesting for that matter. Well, at least until one girl was called upon. She is a small girl, but not too small. She sits in the front well as well, but in the other corner. I guess she had a similar idea as I. when the teacher called on her, she responded "I went on a philosophical inner venture in which I discovered much and had several epiphanies, enjoyed the beauty of nature, watched humans destruction of said beauty, and more that I shall refrain from sharing at this point in time". There was a long pause from the entire class. I couldn’t hide my grin. "That sounds great, Jenifer. Who's next?" says the teacher. This girl seems very interesting. She is no idiot like the others, yet she does not seem completely insane. After that, it goes back to the same, then the teacher begins to explain the course. "Welcome to chemistry. In this course, you will learn about atoms, parts of atoms, people and their discoveries, and more". He goes on and on, all energetic, hyper, happy. Annoying.

     This continues as usual for most of class, he hands out papers about the class to get signed, ect. This guy manages to take the entire class period though, unlike most teachers. It seems to take an eternity for him to finish, but it really doesn’t end soon enough. The bell rings, I put away my papers and leave. Next is weight training with Mr. Cavello. He is the football coach, so I know him well. He is in the basement, room 003. I journey there quickly, avoiding eye contact with people in the halls to avoid conversation. I push and shove along with the crowds, down the stairwells, all the way to the basement. I eventually reach the basement and go in to find a crowd has already formed, and I regretfully recognize many of them. "Aye, lookie who we got here! It's Nickie!" I recognize this greeting, from no other than Coach Cav'. "I'm good coach, how are you?" I respond, and he replies back "The school year's just started, football will be coming up soon, new games of billy. Can't wait, can't wait" "Sounds awesome Coach" I respond, and that is the end of our conversation. More people, using that term lightly, filter in. All of them part of the same crowd. Loud, routy, obnoxious
     The bell rings for class to start. "Welcome to weight training, lads. A few of you I know from football and taking weight training before. First things first, I am going to put you into squads to make roll call easier and faster". His gaze shifts to his clipboard and he seems to skim it over. He points or gestures to specific spots on the floor and reads off names of the people that space is designated for. Each person he names gets up and goes to where he points. After everyone is seated, he begins. "Okay lads. For those of you who do not know me, I am coach Cavello, or coach Cav' if you prefer. In this class, you will be taught how to keep healthy and strong, learn new exercises and workouts, and become over all stronger. If that is not what you signed up for, or if you don't feel this is your place, there's the door". He gestures at the door. Not like that is an option for me. I play football, and this class is mandatory for that. 

     He then continues. "Raise your hand if you haven't had me for anything before or you do not know me". Three people total raise their hands. "Okay, okay. Zimmermann, Ford, Griffin. Wow, a class of all dudes, eh? A total sausage fest, right?" He says, jocularity heavy in his voice, and the class starts laughing with him a little. "Anyway, how 'bout we get some workout partners?" Right away, people begin picking out their partners. "Only two people can work together, no more, absolutely no less". He says, but no one seems to care. "Yo man, wanna be partners?" my 'friend' Rick says, the smell of his morning cigarette still very present in his breath. "Hold up, hold up. Bradford partner with Zimmy here" coach Gav' calls out before I get the chance to respond. "Okay coach" I call out, and look for that Zimmermann kid. I push through the mass to get to the other side. My last name being towards the beginning, and his name being the end, and neither of us moving much from our spots, that puts us on opposite sides of the mass of people. I am admittedly surprised at the kid in front of me. He is not the jock-y or sports-y type at all. He has more of a feminine and fragile look to him. He is roughly half a foot shorter than me with emo-boy hair that comes down to his shoulders. His skin is very fair and light, near whiter than paper. He is wearing a plain white shirt and black skinny jeans that are as tight on him as his skin. He looks as though he could pass for a girl, no problem.

     "Okay lads! Get to know your partner. Name, hobby, etc. This is the person you will be working with for the quarter. You have to be able to place your faith and life in their hands" Coach says. Trying to be friendly, I extend my hand and say "Hey, my names Nick", looking him in the eyes. He takes my hand and stammers out nervously "Danny... er... uhmm... Dan. My name's Dan". The poor kid, he seems so nervous and worried. This is definitely not his crowd, and I would not doubt that more than half of the people in this room has teased him or even bullied him. "You okay man?" I ask, making sure he is alright and not too scared or anything. "Y.... Yeah..." he replies, sounding very nervous. "Nervous?" I ask to confirm my suspicions, and he nods slowly and hangs his head. His cheeks start to turn a shade of pink. I place a hand on his shoulder gently, trying to get him to calm down and show him that I do not want to hurt him. He looks up at me a little unsure looking, and I smile to try to show that I want to be friends. There is something about him. He is kind of cute, like a young child would be. I feel I should say something to comfort him, so I choose my words carefully and say "It's okay bud, just relax. I know you don't know a lot of people in here, but I'll be your friend. Don't you worry". "Th... Thank you" He replies, smiling a bit. "Heh, now that's it” I say. "W... What is?" "You have the biggest smile I have ever seen on right now" I say with a slight laugh. Almost instantly, his face turns bright red and his hands shoot to his face, covering his mouth. He looks even more nervous and worried now. I cannot help but think to myself, what have I done? "Dude, relax" I say, hoping he realizes I was just playing around. An awkward silence passes over us.

     "So, Dan. Where to start?" I say, trying to get this activity over with. "I... I don't know? M... Maybe.... Uhm.... W.. What are you hobbies?" He asks, acting slightly less shyly. "Well, I spend a lot of time taking care of my younger siblings and doing football. And yourself?" I say, not wanting to give away too much of my life. After an equally long, yet sizably less awkward pause, he stammers "I... I love music... And... Uh... Art". He almost sounds like he forgot how to speak. Something about this kid, Dan, reminds me of a little kid. Something in me is telling me I need to take care of him. Not entirely sure how to respond to his response, I say "Oh, cool". A rather generic response, I know. We continue talking, and he seems to come out of his shell a little bit more as we talk. Not particularly about anything serious or big, or even really that important. I am just trying to get him to warm up to be a little bit. Coach calls our attention back to him by using his whistle and firing off a wave of sound that seems to have really startled a few people that really did not anticipate it, including Dan. "Okay lads, class is almost over. Come up and take your syllabus to get signed, then get out". I will get one for Dan. /I know how tough these people get, all pushing and shoving. He would not stand a chance in there, so I go up, push my way through the mass of students, grab two papers, and return to Dan. "There you go bud" I say, presenting him the paper. "Can't have my training partner getting trampled by that crowd over there" I say, trying to get him to smile. Amazingly, it works. Hesitantly, he takes the paper, then he smiles up at me and says "Thank you Nick". 

     The next few minutes go by in seconds, then as class nears its end, Coach calls out "You can line up at the stair well and wait for the bell to ring. I know some of your classes are far from here, and we can't have you late, now can we?". Immediately, everybody begins stampeding towards the door. I try to get towards the front, as I always do, Leaving Dan. The congregation of people masses at the door in the hallway that leads to the stairwell. The ringing bell is the shattering of the dam, and the flood surges into the Stairwell. This is precisely why I chose to be towards the front. You are not in the middle of the mass of people, yet you’re not caught in the back, behind all the mess. As soon as I get clear enough that I will not get trampled when I stop, I do so and check my schedule for my next class. Home maintenance, room 151. 

     I begin to search for room 151. First floor, which is not far, and only down the hall a bit, right across from the cafeteria no less. I open the door to find 6 large wooden tables with two wooden stools at each side of each table, painted t-shirts hanging from clothes lines hanging from the ceiling that stretch from wall to wall. In the back of the room, there are machines all over, I cannot even begin to guess what they do though, and there is a door in the back on the left hand side.

     I pick the seat nearest the door, drop my backpack on the floor, and sit down in the stool. There are not many people just yet, but within the next four or so minutes, that changes. Nearly every seat is filled by the time the bell rings for class to start. Soon after the bell rings, The back door opens and an odd looking man walks out. He is wearing a faded plaid shirt and faded jeans with scuffed up workers boots. He is going bald and looks as though h is in his forties to fifties, more than half of his fingers have Band-Aids on them as well, not to mention he looks as though he has been heavily peppered in saw dust. The man walks to the front of the class and clears his throat. "Welcome to shop. I know this class is called home maintenance, but it really should be called learning how to take care of yourself. In this class you will have many projects. Cutting wires, soddering, installing doorknobs and hinges, etc. Every so often, we watch movies and make pancakes. Most kids enjoy this class and try to take it more than once. You can only take this class twice for credit though. Sorry guys. Anyway, we need your parents to sign both permission slips and liability wavers for this class. People have been injured screwing around in here. I can't stress this enough, if you screw around, you are going to get hurt. You always, ALWAYS, wear goggles in the back room and think before you act. Kids have soldered themselves and each other, fallen into the table saw, making the safety stop kick in. The kid was fine, but I had to go get a new saw blade. If you get hurt, tell me. We have a station for cleaning sawdust out of your eye balls, and we have fairly good first aid kits in here. Anyway, I am going to pass out the papers now. Read them over on your own time" He says, then he grabs a stack of papers off the small desk in the corner of the room and begins distributing them to everyone in the class. I take this pause to observe the rest of the students. Another all male class. Varied ages as well, just like weight training. At my table. There are two varsity football players, a stoner, a borderline nerd, and two others I am not sure how to classify, and the seat next to me is empty.

     Once the man hands out all the papers, he moves back to the front of the class and looks around. "This class is predominantly male. Not just this class, but the class in general. Not a surprise, guys doing most of the house work and fix-it jobs. Most of you are around the age where you need to start looking for jobs, and there is good money to be had in these fields. Plumbing, electricians, painters. Simple jobs that can really pay well. Anyway! I would show you the back room, but I need to clean it up a bit first. So, shall we just call it a free period?" and the class seems to be for the idea of a free period. The teacher goes back to the back room, and we are all left to our own devices. Everyone begins conversing with one another, steadily getting louder as everyone tries to talk over one another. That is how it typically goes. This persists until the man comes out of the back room once more. "By the way guys, you have second lunch. So, when the second lunch bell rings, go. I don't expect any of you to be late though" he says, then retreats back into the back room.

     Time passes, then the bell rings, and we all leave for the cafeteria. I head for the back of the cafeteria, where the jocks and their arm candy occupy during the lunch period. No surprise, I am the first one there. I set my backpack down on the table at a corner and put my head down against it. what was with that Dan kid? There is something about him, I cannot quite place. He seems so sweet and innocent. He feels like... Like family. Just as close as Jill and Jack and Sean. Why? I have never seen him before, I know nothing about him. Why do I feel he is family?

     The sound picks up as more people flood into the cafeteria and all try to talk over one another. The tables fill up quickly, and I am soon surrounded by the jocks and the empty headed sluts. All of them begin to converse about their typical slander of other students, rumor starting or spreading, kiss and tell. I avoid conversation as long as I am physically able, until an arm wraps around me. "Sup man?" I hear a male voice say. "Hey man, how's it going?" I respond, not even bothering to see who the person who greeted me is. Sadly, I recognize the voice anyway. "How's your day goin'?" "Fine. Yourself?" "Eh, it's school, dude" "I hear ya" I say, not giving him something to respond to, thus ending the conversation. He moves on. I hate when people act like your friend after they have turned on you. He stole my house, and stole James' girlfriend just to spite him. I hate people.

     The lunch period goes on, and I am dragged in and out of various mindless and shallow conversations. After a little while, everybody gathers their stuff and masses to the doors that are guarded by the lunch monitors that are there to make sure no one leaves early. The bell rings to head back to class, and the people mass out the door. My class is right across the hall, so I am in no remote hurry. Oddly enough, I am still one of the first ones back, though I was towards the back of the mass. I guess they are off screwing around in the halls, vandalizing something or terrorizing someone. Soon, the class fills back up, yet the teacher is nowhere to be seen. So, the class seems to revert to animals. No manners, no ability to think or reason. I just put my head down on the table and close my eyes. This class is not awful, but I do not know how much I trust the rest of the class not to screw with the power tools and other things.

     It is not too long before the bell to leave rings, and I am more than ready to get out of here. Next class I have to go to is math in room 340. Back to the third floor I go. Pushing and shoving through the crowds in the halls, and the even more concentrated mass in the stairwell. It takes some time, but I soon reach the third floor. I find the room and enter and am greeted by a young woman who I assume is my teacher. She is not too tall, is wearing jeans with a light blue shirt. She is young and seems friendly. "Name?" "Nick Bradford" "Right there" she says and points to a desk right behind me, across from that kid, Dan. I set my backpack down on the desk. "Hey Dan" I say, and he practically jumps. "H-how goes it?" "I'm okay. How are you?" I reply, and he responds shyly "I-I'm good. Long time no see". "I know, right?" I say and laugh a little because I was thinking about the same thing. The woman that was at the doorway moves now to the front of the class room. "Okay class, welcome to tenth grade math. I am Ms. Weller" She starts, writing her name on the white board with a green expo. "In this class, you will continue algebra one, learn geometry, and begin algebra two. I know it is not the most exciting subject, but I want to try to make it enjoyable, or at the very least tolerable for all of us. Yes, we will have tests and quizzes and homework. That is nonnegotiable. However, we can also play games and do other fun activities. I am fairly new here. Actually, this is my second year here, so don't get to rough with me."

     After a little while, I start drifting off from her orientation and into my thoughts. I have to get home and start dinner. Probably Mac and cheese. Again. Simple, cheep, quick. Though, Sean seems to be getting sick of it. It is not time to hit the store yet, that is next week. What else do we have? Suddenly, I get a weird feeling that someone is watching me. I look over to discover Dan staring at me. It is the thousand yard stair. "Dan? You okay?" I whisper. I have had a kid pass out in my class before and taken to the hospital. Food poisoning. I'd rather not have that again, or at the very least have a warning first. He blinks a few times as if he just woke up and wasn’t sure where he was, then he nods, then looks back at the Ms. Weller. Just day dreaming I suppose.

     "Okay. It is somewhat mandatory that I give you course outlines for you to get signed. The outline says everything you need for this class. You have one week to get everything. I'll now start passing out the papers". She scoops up a stack of papers from her desk and starts distributing them to the table groups. I do not even bother reading it over when I get it. I just put it away in my backpack. I will have to make a shopping list out of what I need for my classes, as well as Jack and Jill. Sean is not going to be happy, stuck working late again. I hope he will not have to take up another job again.

     Time passes, and the school day draws to an end. Six more minutes, and school is over. I cannot help but notice Dan looking over at me every so often. I do not know why he keeps doing that. Maybe there is just a picture behind me on the wall that he is trying to see or read. The final bell rings, and almost at the same time, everyone stands up, puts their backpacks on, and funnels out the door. I am one of the first out and head down the hall, walking swiftly so that I do not get caught in rush hour. Unfortunately, I get caught in the crowd just outside the stairwell. I am shoved and jostled by the crowd, and do the same back. Eventually, I reach a door, and get out as quick as I can. It is much warmer outside than in the school. Uncomfortably so. I just have to deal with it though. Now, I begin my walk home. It takes mere minutes to get home. I unlock the door, drop my backpack next to the door, take my shoes off and set them near my backpack, then go to check on mom. She is lying naked on the floor near her bed, face down, and snoring. She is still alive at least. 

     I walk to the fridge and look for things to make dinner out of. We do not have much. Less than half a gallon of milk, an apple, two bananas, half a head of lettuce, mustard, two eggs, and a spud. Sigh, mac and cheese it is. We have three boxes of it in the pantry next to the bag of sugar. I grab a box of macaroni noodles and set it next to the stove, then I get the pot and fill it half way with water and put it on the stove, next I open the box and pour in the noodles and set the stove on high. I let that go for a few minutes, then I put a bit of butter in there and stir it with the wooden spoon. I put the spoon next to the post on the stove, then go lay down on the couch and close my eyes. Soon, the sound of footsteps on the porch and Jill and Jacks laughter hits my eardrums. There goes my peace. I get up and open the door for them, and they rush in through the doorway. "Nick! Guess what?!" "What Jill?" "Today was so fun! I have fun teachers, and we played games, and one of my teachers gave us doughnuts!" "That sounds great, Jill. What about you, Jack?" I ask, turning to Jack. "My day was okay. My teachers are kinda nice and stuff. The classes don't seem too bad" "That's good. You two have papers that need signed and school supplies, right?" I ask, and they both nod. "Can you two leave them on the couch for me? Oh, and take your shoes off. I don't want to be cleaning up dirt and mud again" "Okay, Nick" they say at the same time, then they take their shoes off and put them next to mine, then I go back to the macaroni and stir it some more with the wooden spoon. "Macaroni again?" Jill asks, and I nod. "Tomorrow, can we have something else?" "What would you like?" "What do we have?" "Not much. More macaroni. Maybe scrambled eggs or an omelet" "Eggs are gross" "It's what we got" I say, and she pouts and goes back with her brother infront of the TV. 

     I go get plates. One for me, one for Jack, one for Jill, and one to leave for Sean. Mom usually is not awake for dinner with us. Not like we all dine together anyway. Oh well. I start scooping out equal servings for everyone. "Food's up" I call, and jack and Jill run to the kitchen. I hand each of them a plate, and they take them and return to their spot infront of the TV. I just stand in the kitchen, eating over the counter. I am getting tired of macaroni near every night. Money is still a bit tight. Sean keeps promising he will make some money and we will be able to go out for dinner and everything. All of Jack and Jill’s clothes are just Sean's and my old hand-me-downs, and some from cousins and friends. I am going to have to get a job soon if Sean can't start getting some more money. I know work is killing him. He cannot try to get another job again. This is just getting so depressing. We have to make do with what we have, I know. We have barely been scraping by for years now. None of us are happy with it, and Sean has been refusing handouts from Grandmom and Granddad because he is too proud. They do sneak us cash from time to time, which has really helped out, but still....

     "Nick?" "Yes Jill?" "When's Sean get home?" "Not 'till nine. Why?" "Just wondering. Is there more?" "Well, I guess you could use a little more. Where's your plate?" she presents her plate, and I give her a second helping. "Thanks, Nick" she says, then goes back with her brother. I go to check on mom again. She is sitting, propped against the wall. "Hey mom, how are you feeling?" I ask, and she grumbles. "We made macaroni if you want some. Would you like me to bring you some?" I ask, and she nods. I go to the kitchen, grab another plate, and put a good portion of macaroni on it and a plastic spork instead of a metal fork, so she can’t hurt herself as bad with it. We cannot afford another trip to the hospital. I bring mom the plate, and she takes it, smiling at me. "Nickel. You're such a good boy. Such a good boy. I.... I am sorry I've been a bad mom" she says, her gravelly voice full of shame and guilt. "It's okay, mom. I promise. Now eat, you need some food in you. You're getting too thin" "Thank you, Nickel. Such a sweet boy" she says, then smiles at me, tears rolling down her cheeks. I hate when she cries. I never know what to do. "Go take care of the kids. I know you watching over them. I'm a lost cause. I know it. Go take care of them" she says, weakly gesturing for me to leave. "Okay mom. I'll check up on you in a little bit" I say as I leave, and I get no response from her. I close the door and go to the living room to check on Jack and Jill. "All done?" "Yup!" They both respond, offering me their plates. I go take their plates in the kitchen and start washing them and putting them away. As I do so, I begin to think about that kid from earlier. I have already forgotten his name, but he seemed nice. Poor kid seems to have signed up for the wrong class though. A class full of sports jocks is not the place for someone like him. 

     The front door opens and there are heavy and tired footsteps. "Nick, Sean is home!" Jack calls. I quickly scoop the last of the macaroni onto the plate for him and set it on the counter for him. He immediately flops on the couch, face down. Tough day at work again. "Hey Sean, here's some mac for you" "Leave it on the counter and bring me some aspirin" he says in a rough, exhausted voice. I quickly set the plate down and go get him a cup of water and the bottle of aspirin. He rolls onto his side, pops about 3 or 4 in his mouth and washes them down. "Thanks Nick" "Sure thing. Anything else you need?" "Nah, but the little ones should get to bed soon, don't you think?" "They will in a little bit" "Send them to bed now" he says in a firm voice. "Jack, Jill, time for bed" I call. "Aaawwwww, do we have to?" Jack whines. "Yup. Go get in bed. I will be there to tuck you two in shortly" I say as they head off to bed. Once they are in their room and close the door, I walk over to Sean. "I can't take this crap. I have to get a third job again. It is killing me. The job market is crap too. You need to go look for whatever cash you can scramble together, okay?" "Why not ask Mommom and Poppop?" "Because they won't be around to give us hand outs forever. We need to get along the best we can" "But, Sean-" "No! No hand outs!" he bursts out angrily, and I fall silent and cast my gaze downwards. "Where’s this years supply lists?" "I will take inventory of what we have tomorrow and make a list of what we will need and an estimation of the cost" "Good. I am going to lay here for a bit. Why don't you head to bed. I will just lay here for a little bit" "Okay... Good night" I say softly, then go check on Jack and Jill who are both already fast asleep, then head to bed myself.

     I make sure my alarm clock is turned on, then undress and hop in bed. Something is really eating at Sean. He likes to do things on his own. Always has. I just wish he would tell me more. Oh well. I lay awake in bed, my thoughts running rampant as usual, until I slip unconscious at roughly two AM. My last thaught before I am engulfed by darkness is what will happen to us, this family, in the future. I know we cannot last like this forever.