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  "description": "My heart still lies in ruins and I never really gotten the opportunity to just...sit with it. To just really feel it and be able to let it go better before up and starting a job and started stupid bad medication that's affecting me even worse...I'd rather just cry my eyes out all the time. I also kinda miss aspects of being with my ex totally...not everything was terrible, and I can see now where I did contribute to the downfall of this relationship...and I did indeed, cheat. A long time ago, and the relationship was never the same ever since. You can't say you forgive someone if you treat them with such disrespect the entire time and treat them like nothing even still, or more so after the blunder. It was indeed a huge mistake, that happened several times. I was just bored. I just wanted new experiences and new things, I was young when we met and didn't even know myself or what I really wanted. But over time I did fall in love. I just messed up royally, and wanted a poly thing but couldn't ever get him to be okay with that, so I went and fucked some friends anyway like a jackass would do (and I really, really regret it and have to live with that pain every single day...is that not punishment enough?). And I'll probably never have my poly thing, that just doesn't happen around these parts. I do hope we can reach some kind of agreement, some kind of understanding, and even just have things go back to how they used to be affection wise. Sure, he didn't give me enough of it, but even some was better than none. Even an illusion of love, is better than the opposite...hatred. There has been too much of it lately, and I miss the love I did have, and helped to ruin. I wasn't the only one responsible for wrecking everything though, and hopefully sometime he does recognize the things he did to contribute to me getting sicker and more insane. Now I probably am taking a break from art, I'm not only out of ideas but my body and mind is so out of whack, and a heart too broken and heavy. And I doubt we could ever truly be together, ever again, and it hurts...a lot. Nor would it just work us ever being together again...I just need some kind of affection of the past, big time...just don't know if that'll ever happen. \n\n\nThere's a song that goes to this. And Goodbye by Odyssey Eurobeat. \n\n\"I can remember the way\nIt felt to have you in my system again\nThe kind of comfort you gave\nAs you would whisper reasons I should give in\n\nHow much have I given you\nOver my command\nI thought you were in control\nNow I understand\n\nThank you and goodbye, I will move on without you in the end\nEvery hope and doubt, I can grow without you\nPulling me right back again\nThank you and so long, you were not everything that I could be\nFacing to the wind, I will soon begin\nTo realize a better me\" ",
  "description_bbcode_parsed": "<span style='word-wrap: break-word;'>My heart still lies in ruins and I never really gotten the opportunity to just...sit with it. To just really feel it and be able to let it go better before up and starting a job and started stupid bad medication that&#039;s affecting me even worse...I&#039;d rather just cry my eyes out all the time. I also kinda miss aspects of being with my ex totally...not everything was terrible, and I can see now where I did contribute to the downfall of this relationship...and I did indeed, cheat. A long time ago, and the relationship was never the same ever since. You can&#039;t say you forgive someone if you treat them with such disrespect the entire time and treat them like nothing even still, or more so after the blunder. It was indeed a huge mistake, that happened several times. I was just bored. I just wanted new experiences and new things, I was young when we met and didn&#039;t even know myself or what I really wanted. But over time I did fall in love. I just messed up royally, and wanted a poly thing but couldn&#039;t ever get him to be okay with that, so I went and fucked some friends anyway like a jackass would do (and I really, really regret it and have to live with that pain every single day...is that not punishment enough?). And I&#039;ll probably never have my poly thing, that just doesn&#039;t happen around these parts. I do hope we can reach some kind of agreement, some kind of understanding, and even just have things go back to how they used to be affection wise. Sure, he didn&#039;t give me enough of it, but even some was better than none. Even an illusion of love, is better than the opposite...hatred. There has been too much of it lately, and I miss the love I did have, and helped to ruin. I wasn&#039;t the only one responsible for wrecking everything though, and hopefully sometime he does recognize the things he did to contribute to me getting sicker and more insane. Now I probably am taking a break from art, I&#039;m not only out of ideas but my body and mind is so out of whack, and a heart too broken and heavy. And I doubt we could ever truly be together, ever again, and it hurts...a lot. Nor would it just work us ever being together again...I just need some kind of affection of the past, big time...just don&#039;t know if that&#039;ll ever happen. <br /><br /><br />There&#039;s a song that goes to this. And Goodbye by Odyssey Eurobeat. <br /><br />&quot;I can remember the way<br />It felt to have you in my system again<br />The kind of comfort you gave<br />As you would whisper reasons I should give in<br /><br />How much have I given you<br />Over my command<br />I thought you were in control<br />Now I understand<br /><br />Thank you and goodbye, I will move on without you in the end<br />Every hope and doubt, I can grow without you<br />Pulling me right back again<br />Thank you and so long, you were not everything that I could be<br />Facing to the wind, I will soon begin<br />To realize a better me&quot; </span>",
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