By Tempo
Po gets a little carried away showing Tigress a new technique.
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A massive wave of golden energy washed through the Valley of Peace. Again.
Five minutes later, the neighborhood still buzzed with activity, but no one seemed to have guessed it came from the upstairs of Mr. Ping's Noodle Shop.
Peeking out the front door, Po breathed a sigh of relief. "Whew. Maybe Shifu didn't notice."
"Panda!" A red panda stood at his feet.
"Waaa-aaahhhh-hi there, Master Shifu!" Panic surged up Po's spine. "Nice of you to drop—"
"What just happened here? I felt that burst of unusual chi all the way up in the Jade Palace." Shifu pushed his way in the door without visible effort. "And you are the only other person in the Valley who knows that technique."
"Oh! Yeah." Shuffling backward to the stairs, the panda forced a laugh. "Funny story: Tigress and I were just, umm, training."
The old master's gaze cut like the Sword of Heroes. "Where is Tigress?"
Standing gingerly atop scattered spices, he pointed. "Upstairs, but—"
"This is no time for buts." The red panda's staff brushed off Po's attempt to delay him, landing the student on his well-padded butt. In a flash, the teacher hurried up to the second floor. "Is she alright?"
"Yes!" Po rolled to his feet, hurrying after. "Well, mostly. She's—well—a teeny bit comatose right now."
At the top of the stairs, Shifu paused, glancing at the orange form laying prone on a shattered bed. "What in the world happened to her?"
"I may have…skadooshed her…" He held up his fingers, a short distance apart. His fur still felt damp. "…a little bit."
The old master hurried forward, giving the panda a look of disbelief. "You used the Wuxi Finger Hold on her?!"
"No! No, no…" The panda rolled his eyes, drawing quotes in the air. "I mean, it's not really a 'finger hold' if I used it on her clitoris. More of a fingering hold, am I right? Heh-ha…" He gave the most nervous smile of his life, hoping it wouldn't be the last action of his life.
Tigress twitched, drooling.
A moment passed, followed by an exceptionally heavy sigh. "See to her, panda." Shifu pinched the bridge of his nose, withdrawing downstairs. "And then repair whatever damage you've caused."
Looking around, Po found the bedroom in disarray, every poster vibrated from the walls by the event. A two-foot radius around Tigress's vagina lay splattered with a faint mist of her juices. Talk about embarrassing—good thing she wasn't awake to see it. Or Shifu's reaction. Maybe he wouldn't have to tell her, at least right away.
With a sigh, the panda looked around his destroyed loft. Posters torn off walls, shurikens embedded in his dresser, and action figures scattered to the four corners of the room. He draped a blanket over Tigress, just in case anyone else stopped by, then found a broom and started sweeping up the shattered remains of his bed.
Shifu had be right, as usual: the hardest part was cleaning up afterward.
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A silly little piece in honor of April Fools! Let me know what you think.
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-Tempo
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