It is with a heart of sorrow that I write this title.

I had a conflicting mood when I was in the upper grades of elementary school. I wanted to completely break away from the constraints and punishments of school attendance and homework, but I couldn't fully achieve this goal. This shouldn't have stopped me from trying to achieve this goal partially, but I didn't want to offend the teacher so that I could keep answering the teachers' casual questions at length during the lesson, preventing the lesson from proceeding quickly, and thus reducing the amount of homework of the class.

Of course, there were other reasons for this. If I became that special kid who had classes two days a week, it would certainly give other students the courage to do the same, which was what I hope. However, it could also cause the teacher to say to other students all day long, that I had good grades, which was a special case and this did not apply to students who had only a little worse grades than me. Now that I think about it, this courage was obviously more liberating for my classmates than avoiding a few words from the teacher, and I regret that I didn't do it in the first place. The other point was that I was afraid that if I made such a choice, and then my grades slipped (which would affect nothing to me, because the upper elementary school classes were useless, which I could also clearly feel at the time, also I didn't care anyway), I would have to continue to be like other classmates, and I would be banned from drawing Minecraft drawings with other classmates every day in self-study classes.

But what about now? If I go back to that time now, would I ask my parents as much as possible to ask the school to remove all my study discipline? Yes. I would also insist on not going to junior high school and high school. I would study on my own, take exams, go to college.

I used to be too timid, too awe of the idea that I should be constrained for my own benefit. At the time, there was no one who supported my views even in part, including people online and my classmates. Not a single teacher has ever told me that children can have the freedom to learn a little less, or more freedom to choose how and when they learn. It is dangerous to talk about it, and many classmates are reprimanded and punished for talking about it. Teachers are so confident when they talk about “Useless restraint is also good for cultivating discipline and is therefore useful”, and I witness they punish for many minor infractions every day. I may not have chosen to resist, but I have always chosen to oppose it. The first time I resisted, probably in the second year of junior high school, the teacher tried to talk to me in the hallway, but I just didn't stop.

Chinese students are the perfect masochist. When you ask Chinese primary and secondary school students why they don't even have the opportunity to express their objections, they say that things can't change much anyway. If you tell them that we can change a little bit, they will find it too painful to discuss the matter, so say something that supports the teacher's point of view. If you ask people who have graduated from primary and secondary schools in China, they just immediately forgot what happened in primary and secondary schools, because "live in the moment".

There's too much propaganda, there's too much fear, and people who hold opposing views are in a state of shame, but no one enjoys orgasm from it.