i read it again and i noticed that you said you... don't like the idea of "you should have done"? can i say that? i don't know what you are describing... you don't want to regret your lack of self-constraint in the past? or you felt bad when someone else - the teacher or your parents, i guess - blamed you for your lack of that? if you meant the latter, i think that it's hard to focus on the future and get motivated for the future without feeling shamed if you are angry, because focusing on the future means you're obeying and decide to ignore how they treated you, but you want to rebel. for me, i'm always a guy focusing on the past much. i consider the past much and even tried to count out every single time i made a not best choice. but on the other hand, i have really low expectation on my self-constraint and i won't necessarily call a decision just for the current pleasure, the instant fun a bad decision.