I've been on a serious masochistic streak recently, and I'm already a massive masochist.

You know when you've not cum in a while and you've been edging for a long, loooong time and when you finally cum it's the best sensation in the world? Well, I've got you beat actually. For a masochist like me, it's even more of a thrill to just have all that pleasure, after all that anticipation, taken away.

That's called a 'ruined orgasm', for anyone who didn't know. I've been masturbating for a long time with only ruined orgasms, not feeling that pleasure at the end. Maybe it's just me, but afterwards I'm even hornier than I was before I came. I love just watching my dick gradually go soft when my body and mind are just screaming at me to jerk it again.

For the last few months, I haven't even cum once, because I'm saving it up for one single orgasm. As you can probably guess, I'm going to make it the most disappointing, frustrating ruined orgasm I can, and that's only going to be the beginning.

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I've been going crazy thinking about tonight. I didn't even sleep last night, so I've probably had this raging erection for about 36 hours. I keep having to clean up because I'm leaking precum all over the place, so the livestream started nearly an hour late at 9pm.

"Hello, dark web!", I announced as I got into frame, already stark naked. I had to move some cables, wires and things out of the way; I'd rigged up some stuff for tonight's stream. The most obvious thing to most people was the gun attached to a brainscan camera, but that was only a 'safety' mechanism in case I felt any pleasure from my orgasm. Yes, I was that dedicated to making sure I wouldn't feel it.

I had a sock which had been soaking in 2-month old spit, sweat, smegma, piss and cum from an anonymous dominant, which was to be my gag. I wasn't sure I could handle just how gross that sock must be, so it's sitting right next to some extra strong duct tape.

"Everyone, I've set up a number of ways to make this truly awful for me. Your can control the heat, collar and boxing glove, just try to only make things safer if you think something's going to kill me too quickly, okay? I don't want you guys making this bearable for me!"

One of the controls they have access to is the temperature of the room, which is already uncomfortably high and verging on dangerous. I was sweating fairly badly at this point, but there was something embarrassing about it which I couldn't help but enjoy.

I spread my legs over the box in the ground, which was a heavily modified jack-in-the-box set to punch me hard in the balls when I'm just about to orgasm. I'm already fairly close at this point, so it could start punching any minute now.

That's not the only device set to punch me either; there's a tentacle robot I bought and repurposed using a weighted boxing glove to punch me whenever the chat decides. Being as nimble as it is, it can navigate to any part of my body, and it's already hovering around my face, easily able to knock me out.

I bought a choking collar on the cheap, a bargain because it was 'too uncomfortable' and 'too unsafe'; two claims which made me buy it instantly. The collar has small spikes on the inside, not big enough to do damage but more than enough to cause severe irritation. The damage comes from the wireless choking, where my fans are free to choke me as hard as they want. As I painfully put it on I realise another bonus; it doesn't have any way to take it off.

I somehow make the collar even more uncomfortable when I stuff one end of a rope to it. The other end is attached to the ceiling, but there is enough slack on it that I'll only be hanging if I stop standing. This way, I'm forced to stand in frame for my fans if I want to live long enough for the torment I've been dreaming of.

I'm pretty sure the temperature is getting dangerous at this point, so I grab the sock from its foul container and quickly shove it in my mouth then tape my mouth securely closed. I don't think I'm capable of describing just how repulsive that sock was, but suffice to say I was definitely struggling and would have spat it immediately out if I hadn't used half a roll of duct-tape to keep it in.

With one hand I lifted my eyelids up so I couldn't close them, and with the other I threw the rest of those disgusting contents all over my face, making sure that my eyes would be stinging for the rest of my life and that it's all I can smell.

I'm ashamed to admit that it's the smell of rancid cum that sent me over the edge and made me cum, after all I haven't allowed myself to suck dick for 2 months either. Instantly, the jack-in-the-box on the ground shattered my balls. I couldn't even think about the pleasurable I'd been denied, I was in too much pain to think of anything else. I didn't even notice that I was instinctively trying to plummet to my knees until my collar started choking me.

It took a while until I could stand properly, but as soon as I'd managed to get to my feet the tentacle punched me straight in the stomach, forcing me to collapse again.

I felt my collar tightening too, not that I was able to breathe before it started tightening. I half expected my audience to snuff me there and then, but they loosened it just as I was about to black out. They remembered what I said; that I wanted to drag this out as long as possible and for it to be totally unbearable. I love my fans.