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"3493190", "submission_left_file_name": "5331897_kimberlyeab_scionfuckfest3completed.doc", "submission_left_thumbnail_url_huge": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/huge/5331/5331897_kimberlyeab_scionfuckfest3completed.jpg", "submission_left_thumbnail_url_large": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/large/5331/5331897_kimberlyeab_scionfuckfest3completed.jpg", "submission_left_thumbnail_url_medium": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/medium/5331/5331897_kimberlyeab_scionfuckfest3completed.jpg", "submission_left_thumb_huge_x": "300", "submission_left_thumb_huge_y": "300", "submission_left_thumb_large_x": "200", "submission_left_thumb_large_y": "200", "submission_left_thumb_medium_x": "120", "submission_left_thumb_medium_y": "120" } ], "description": "The chapter where the Warrior of Light experiences intense existential dread. \n\nKinks: :)\n\n[url=https://kimberlyeab.carrd.co/]Visit my website to see where else you can find my work, follow my socials, join my Discord, or support me on Patreon/SubscribeStar![/url]", "description_bbcode_parsed": "The chapter where the Warrior of Light experiences intense existential dread.

Kinks: :)

Visit my website to see where else you can find my work, follow my socials, join my Discord, or support me on Patreon/SubscribeStar!", "writing": "``Hell of a year,'' Thancred said, picking up his cup and taking a sip.\n\n``Year?'' Az scoffed. ``It feels like it's been at least five times longer than that.''\n\nThancred smirked. ``Some years are just like that. You remember how things went before Dalamud, right?''\n\n``Yeah totally,'' Az said, chuckling nervously. Those times before Dalamud that she absolutely and totally remembered with one hundred percent clarity. ``Back when we did all of that stuff and things and whatnot.''\n\nShe picked up her own cup and took a sip as well, happy for the harsh burn of whiskey as it graced her tongue. A lot of things could be said about Tataru but the woman knew how to run a bar. At least, when it came to giving her friends the good stuff... at a very small discount.\n\nAz watched as Tataru walked by, waving towards her. \n\nThe lalafell noticed as she lifted her hand above her head and waved right on back, diverting course and strutting over to the table.\n\n``How are your post-scion adventures going?'' Tataru asked.\n\nThancred shrugged. ``Feels like things have barely even changed in all honesty. Urianger has kept me adequately busy attending to affairs abroad. Feels like I'm rarely afforded time back in Eorzea these days.''\n\n``Hunting down monsters, acting as a mercenary, and spending quality time with all my friends,'' Az said, smirking as she folded her hands behind her head. ``So I?m living my best life really.''\n\n``Quality time she says,'' Tataru teased.\n\nAz flushed. ``And what exactly is that supposed to mean?''\n\n``I'm just saying that...'' Tataru gestured towards her. ``There are some similarities between those marks on your neck and the teeth of a male miqo'te.''\n\nAz burned even brighter. ``Graha was simply sucking poison out! I'd been stung by an extremely venomous bee and needed immediate medical attention!'' \n\n``Is that so,'' Thancred teased, leaning closer. He had a rather wolfish smile on his lips as he obviously took glee in twisting the knife. ``I wasn't aware that he'd been allowed to attend any of your adventures as of late.''\n\nAz looked down at her drink and downed it, hoping that the coolness of the ice would do something to help treat her rapidly burning complexion. Not that she had much success in this endeavour as her face was still as red as the Rising Stone's famous beetroot soup.\n\n``Speaking of bruised necks!'' Az abruptly yelped, thrusting her mug in Thancred's direction. ``I see that you and Urianger have been getting to know each other again.''\n\nThancred grinned and leaned closer, brushing his hair away from the numerous hickies left upon his neck. ``Your misdirections are absolutely fruitless, dear. I'm not ashamed of the company I keep.'' He smirked. ``And neither should you for that matter. Graha is a very handsome man.''\n\nOh right, he's a massive man slut...\n\n``Any guy would be happy to have a monk with your sense of fashion,'' Tataru added, motioning towards her. ``Or girl or whatever for that matter.''\n\nAz looked down at her own attire, spotting the thick buttoned-up white blouse that covered her torso and the thick grey pants which protected her legs. A plaid shirt was tied around her waist, acting like an excellent impromptu skirt. It all went well with the metal rings draped across her bruised knuckles. Like all of her fits, this one was top tier and she was only extremely biased in that opinion.\n\n``How about you Tataru, anyone special in your life?'' Thancred asked.\n\nAz blinked. Did he not know?\n\n``Pardon?'' Tataru asked, perking up.\n\nThancred opened his mouth but then saw the way they both looked towards him. Which made him close it, lifting a brow instead. ``Am I missing something by some chance?''\n\n``Lalafells don't work like that,'' Tataru said.\n\nThancred scoffed. ``What?''\n\n``Dude, did you not know that?'' Az asked, snickering. ``Aren't you like an archon or some shit?''\n\n``I'll have you know I wrote my thesis on espionage and not the breeding practices of the realm's various peoples. As much as you might think otherwise,'' Thancred grumbled, picking up his mug. ``But please enlighten me on how this works for Lalafells.'' Though he lifted his hand. ``But perhaps another round before we delve down this specific topic.''\n\nAz nodded. ``Another whiskey and soda water for me.''\n\n``Wine,'' Tataru called\n\nThancred nodded and called out their orders along with his own Garlemald Mule, receiving a thumb's up from the bartender. With that matter settled, he motioned towards Az, beaconing for her to go on.\n\n``Well, it all happened like four months ago,'' Az said, humming. ``Though it kind of felt like four years ago in all honesty. Just before all the Ala Mhigo shit went down with Zenos and whatnot.''\n\n[hr]\n\nAz felt ridiculous in her armour, looking at herself in the reflection of her glass. There was no consistency to what she wore, just a mishmash of random leather and thick fabrics, adequate for dampening a blow but that was about it.\n\nAnd while it might be practical in a combat setting, it had about as much rizz as a Sharlayan robe.\n\n``Krile?'' Az asked.\n\nKrile perked up from sipping her little glass of wine. ``Yes?''\n\n``I really need to go clothes shopping,'' Az grumbled, flexing her fingers. ``All of my armour looks ridiculous.''\n\nKrile tilted her head to the side. ``I will admit that you could benefit from getting a better understanding of your look.'' She offered a faint smile. ``And with things finally settling down from Ishgard, I'm sure we will have some time to get that done.''\n\nPapalymo nodded. ``After we get this business resolved with the last few Crystal Braves then I'll personally take you myself.''\n\nTataru exited the door to her office, strutting across the dining room floor.\n\n``Tataru!'' Krile called. ``How is business going?''\n\n``As good as ever,'' Tataru said, coming over to the table. ``What are you three discussing?''\n\n``My less than stellar fashion sense,'' Az said, sighing as she looked down at herself. ``I really need some new clothes.''\n\n``I offered to help her with that,'' Papalymo said.\n\nTataru gasped, faking distress. ``And you didn't even think to ask me?''\n\n``Well I thought involving you was implicit!'' Papalymo said as he held a hand to his chest. ``I personally can't craft clothing for a damn.''\n\n``And everyone would be lucky to have some attire designed by you,'' Krile added.\n\nAz nodded and picked up her own mug, cringing as the harshness of the whiskey touched her tongue. She would never get used to this stuff, no matter how much a grizzled hero like her was supposed to drink it.\n\n``Well I have some business to attend to in Limsa but perhaps when I get back you three could pull me aside to help with this little pet project,'' Tataru said, glancing towards the door. ``Speaking of...''\n\n``Don't let us keep you,'' Krile said.\n\nAz nodded. ``Always a pleasure to see you.''\n\nTataru took that as her cue to step away, heading towards the entrance of the bar.\n\n``I do wonder what happened to Ilberd,'' Krile commented.\n\nAz scoffed. ``Who cares?''\n\n``I do,'' Krile said. ``That man is going to be the death of us.''\n\n``I would never let that happen,'' Papalymo said, scoffing. ``It would be a cold day in the aetherial plain before he got through me.''\n\n``Personally I want to shove my...'' Az showed off her blade-tipped metal knuckles, twisting them from side-to-side through the air. ``Up his ass.''\n\n``An entertaining threat if nothing else,'' Papalymo quipped.\n\nAz perked up as the door to Tataru's office opened and she stepped out, strutting across the room.\n\n``Uh...'' she said.\n\nKrile perked up and looked over her shoulder, following Az's gaze. ``Oh! Hello Tataru!''\n\nTataru waved towards them as she came over, rocking upon her heels as she stood next to their table. ``How are you all doing?''\n\n``Very good,'' Papalymo said. ``We're just discussing what we'll do if we get our hands on Ilberd.''\n\n``Shove your staff up his...'' Tataru began, smirking. ``Well... you know.''\n\n``Uh...'' Az blinked, looking down at her cup. How strong was this whiskey exactly?\n\n``Anyways I have some business to attend to in Gridania,'' Tataru commented, sighing. ``Not fond of some of the things they say but they provide some of the best weaves in the entire alliance, so I can hold my nose for a few days.''\n\nWith that she waved and made her way towards the door.\n\n``Is something the matter, Az?'' Krile asked.\n\nAz opened her mouth before closing it, flubbing like a fish suffocating on dry land. She swore that she hadn't been drinking that hard. And it had been literal hours since she'd last smoked a bowl.\n\nWhat the fuck was going on?\n\nMaybe you're just sleep deprived?\n\nYep... yep that must've been it. Just a little sleep deprivation, nothing more and nothing less. Just proof that she needed some rest after her last adventure.\n\n``Nothing,'' Az quickly said as she forced a smile. ``Anyways, has there been any news from the Empire?''\n\n``Apparently the governor of Gir Albania has been preparing his troops for something.'' Krile frowned. ``The crown prince is quite the little dictator these days.''\n\n``Nothing I couldn?t handle,'' Az chided, thumping a fist against her chest.\n\nKrile smirked. ``I appreciate the spirit but you are only one woman and the empire is a far more numerous foe.''\n\nPapalymo frowned. ``As much as I detest Ilberd for what he did, I can't deny that I don't also crave the day that there are free people out east. If nothing else than to help Yda overcome her pain.''\n\n``It will be free one day,'' Krile said, patting him on the shoulder. ``Tyrants exist for but fleeting moments in the grand scheme of this star. And even if the Ascians desire it, we've proven that they can be overcome.''\n\n``I can't wait to go on the offense against those black-robed pricks,'' Az chided. ``Evil through and through. Nothing could ever change my mind on that.''\n\nPapalymo smiled. ``I appreciate your spirit.''\n\nAz eye's darted to the side as she noticed that the door to Tataru's office opened yet again and...\n\nTataru walked out, strutting across the room.\n\n``Okay, what's going on!'' Az yelped.\n\nTatatru stumbled against the force of that question, flinching defensively as she noticed that Az's ire was directed towards her. She lifted her hands to shield herself, looking anxiously from side-to-side.\n\n``Is everything okay, Az?'' Krile asked, reaching out to her.\n\nAz bolted to her feet, now getting the entire dining hall's attention. She didn't care, something was fishy and she was going to get to the bottom of it.\n\n``Show yourself Ascian!'' Az yelled, raising her hands. ``I see through your illusions.''\n\n``Az, what the devil are you talking about?'' Papalymo asked.\n\nTataru looked around quickly, seeming just as lost and confused as she found herself the centre of this sudden ire. It was a convincing disguise but one that Az wasn't going to fall for a third time.\n\nAz huffed and flexed her fingers, dancing to the beat of some sort of internal music. Her battle rhythm started to charge, mana flooding from her core and into her knuckles.\n\n``That's the third time that I've seen Tataru leave that office,'' Az said. ``Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you even more. But the third time, you sure as shit ain't fooling me anymore.''\n\n``Az...'' Krile placed a hand upon her arm. ``Perhaps you just had a little too much to...''\n\nTatatru waved her hands through the air, frantically looking left and right.\n\nAz pushed away from the table and bound across the floor, blowing past the apparition that was pretending to be Tataru. She kept going, moving over to the office door and booting it down with a heavy foot.\n\nAnother illusion of Tataru was on the other side. She yelped, throwing up her arms and frantically looking to the left and right as she flapped her hands. ``Az, what are you doing here?''\n\n``You can't fool me, Ascian,'' Az shouted, thrusting a finger in the illusion's direction. ``I know that some bullshit is going on right now.''\n\nTataru started to warble, her skin rippling. \n\nAz watched in horror as she started to stretch, growing wider and wider, her features becoming increasingly distorted as she expanded in stature. It was impossible to look away, gawking at the thing that pretended to be her friend, watching as it started to peel apart, actually ripping at the seams.\n\nUntil finally, there were two Tatarus standing there, utterly identical in appearance.\n\n``Okay!'' the first Tataru said.\n\nThe second clapped her hands together. ``I can explain.''\n\n``What...'' Az blinked. ``I...''\n\n``Az, is everything okay!'' Krile suddenly called.\n\nBefore Az was even fully aware of it, the other two had caught up with her, along with the third Tataru. Though none of them seemed very shocked by the sight of two Tatarus standing right there.\n\n``I...'' Az whispered\n\n``Az?'' Papalymo asked.\n\n``There's two of them,'' Az whispered, pointing helplessly between them before looking at the third. ``Three of them...''\n\nKrile looked from her and towards the Tatarus. ``I mean obviously.''\n\n``What do you mean...'' Az shook her head, giggling. She didn't even care that she sounded deranged. The whole damned star felt deranged right now. ``What do you mean obviously?'' She thrusted her hand towards the absolute chao of it all. ``There's nothing obvious about any of this!''\n\n``This is how Lalafells reproduce, dear,'' Krile said. ``We all do it.''\n\n``It's called mitosis,'' Papaylmo explained.\n\n``Mitosis,'' Az whispered, shaking her head. ``Mitosis...''\n\n[hr]\n\n``Mitosis?'' Thancred asked, scoffing. He tilted back his mug and took a nice big pull from his mule. ``Do you honestly expect me to believe your little story?''\n\n``I don't know what you want from me, man,'' Az said, pointing at Tataru. ``Tell him.''\n\n``She's telling the truth,'' Tataru said.\n\n``I know when the wool is being pulled over my eyes, thank you very much.'' Thancred shook his head. Though he suddenly perked up, offering a half wave to a figure off in the distance. ``Oh hello, Tataru.''\n\nA second Tataru diverted from her path away from her office, coming over. ``Oh hello, how are you doing? Enjoying your post-scion adventures?''\n\n``You already asked that,'' Thancred chided, rolling his eyes. \n\nYet, he paused for a moment, going dead silent. He looked towards one Tataru before darting his gaze over to the other, seeing both of them looking towards him with identical smiles. Az couldn't help but smirk herself as she saw those little gears churning inside of his head. \n\n``Wait a second,'' Thancred whispered.\n\n``What's going on?'' the second Tataru asked.\n\nAz smirked. ``I'm explaining the whole mitosis thing to him.''\n\n``Really?'' The first Tataru shook her head. ``Why do none of the other races realize that's how we reproduce?''\n\n``I...'' Thancred blinked, looking down at his drink. ``Huh?''\n\n``Yep, this is giving me some serious deja vu,'' The second Tataru teased.\n\nAz smirked and playfully punched Thancred on the arm. ``Told ya, big guy. It?s not my fault that you didn't believe me.''\n\n``Does that mean that Papalymo is still alive?'' Thancred asked.\n\nAz winced, sucking air through her teeth. ``No, he's uh... he's still dead, buddy.''\n\n``Super dead,'' the first Tataru agreed.\n\nThe second Tataru could only somberly nod at the statement.\n\n", "writing_bbcode_parsed": "``Hell of a year,'' Thancred said, picking up his cup and taking a sip.

``Year?'' Az scoffed. ``It feels like it's been at least five times longer than that.''

Thancred smirked. ``Some years are just like that. You remember how things went before Dalamud, right?''

``Yeah totally,'' Az said, chuckling nervously. Those times before Dalamud that she absolutely and totally remembered with one hundred percent clarity. ``Back when we did all of that stuff and things and whatnot.''

She picked up her own cup and took a sip as well, happy for the harsh burn of whiskey as it graced her tongue. A lot of things could be said about Tataru but the woman knew how to run a bar. At least, when it came to giving her friends the good stuff... at a very small discount.

Az watched as Tataru walked by, waving towards her.

The lalafell noticed as she lifted her hand above her head and waved right on back, diverting course and strutting over to the table.

``How are your post-scion adventures going?'' Tataru asked.

Thancred shrugged. ``Feels like things have barely even changed in all honesty. Urianger has kept me adequately busy attending to affairs abroad. Feels like I'm rarely afforded time back in Eorzea these days.''

``Hunting down monsters, acting as a mercenary, and spending quality time with all my friends,'' Az said, smirking as she folded her hands behind her head. ``So I?m living my best life really.''

``Quality time she says,'' Tataru teased.

Az flushed. ``And what exactly is that supposed to mean?''

``I'm just saying that...'' Tataru gestured towards her. ``There are some similarities between those marks on your neck and the teeth of a male miqo'te.''

Az burned even brighter. ``Graha was simply sucking poison out! I'd been stung by an extremely venomous bee and needed immediate medical attention!''

``Is that so,'' Thancred teased, leaning closer. He had a rather wolfish smile on his lips as he obviously took glee in twisting the knife. ``I wasn't aware that he'd been allowed to attend any of your adventures as of late.''

Az looked down at her drink and downed it, hoping that the coolness of the ice would do something to help treat her rapidly burning complexion. Not that she had much success in this endeavour as her face was still as red as the Rising Stone's famous beetroot soup.

``Speaking of bruised necks!'' Az abruptly yelped, thrusting her mug in Thancred's direction. ``I see that you and Urianger have been getting to know each other again.''

Thancred grinned and leaned closer, brushing his hair away from the numerous hickies left upon his neck. ``Your misdirections are absolutely fruitless, dear. I'm not ashamed of the company I keep.'' He smirked. ``And neither should you for that matter. Graha is a very handsome man.''

Oh right, he's a massive man slut...

``Any guy would be happy to have a monk with your sense of fashion,'' Tataru added, motioning towards her. ``Or girl or whatever for that matter.''

Az looked down at her own attire, spotting the thick buttoned-up white blouse that covered her torso and the thick grey pants which protected her legs. A plaid shirt was tied around her waist, acting like an excellent impromptu skirt. It all went well with the metal rings draped across her bruised knuckles. Like all of her fits, this one was top tier and she was only extremely biased in that opinion.

``How about you Tataru, anyone special in your life?'' Thancred asked.

Az blinked. Did he not know?

``Pardon?'' Tataru asked, perking up.

Thancred opened his mouth but then saw the way they both looked towards him. Which made him close it, lifting a brow instead. ``Am I missing something by some chance?''

``Lalafells don't work like that,'' Tataru said.

Thancred scoffed. ``What?''

``Dude, did you not know that?'' Az asked, snickering. ``Aren't you like an archon or some shit?''

``I'll have you know I wrote my thesis on espionage and not the breeding practices of the realm's various peoples. As much as you might think otherwise,'' Thancred grumbled, picking up his mug. ``But please enlighten me on how this works for Lalafells.'' Though he lifted his hand. ``But perhaps another round before we delve down this specific topic.''

Az nodded. ``Another whiskey and soda water for me.''

``Wine,'' Tataru called

Thancred nodded and called out their orders along with his own Garlemald Mule, receiving a thumb's up from the bartender. With that matter settled, he motioned towards Az, beaconing for her to go on.

``Well, it all happened like four months ago,'' Az said, humming. ``Though it kind of felt like four years ago in all honesty. Just before all the Ala Mhigo shit went down with Zenos and whatnot.''

[hr]

Az felt ridiculous in her armour, looking at herself in the reflection of her glass. There was no consistency to what she wore, just a mishmash of random leather and thick fabrics, adequate for dampening a blow but that was about it.

And while it might be practical in a combat setting, it had about as much rizz as a Sharlayan robe.

``Krile?'' Az asked.

Krile perked up from sipping her little glass of wine. ``Yes?''

``I really need to go clothes shopping,'' Az grumbled, flexing her fingers. ``All of my armour looks ridiculous.''

Krile tilted her head to the side. ``I will admit that you could benefit from getting a better understanding of your look.'' She offered a faint smile. ``And with things finally settling down from Ishgard, I'm sure we will have some time to get that done.''

Papalymo nodded. ``After we get this business resolved with the last few Crystal Braves then I'll personally take you myself.''

Tataru exited the door to her office, strutting across the dining room floor.

``Tataru!'' Krile called. ``How is business going?''

``As good as ever,'' Tataru said, coming over to the table. ``What are you three discussing?''

``My less than stellar fashion sense,'' Az said, sighing as she looked down at herself. ``I really need some new clothes.''

``I offered to help her with that,'' Papalymo said.

Tataru gasped, faking distress. ``And you didn't even think to ask me?''

``Well I thought involving you was implicit!'' Papalymo said as he held a hand to his chest. ``I personally can't craft clothing for a damn.''

``And everyone would be lucky to have some attire designed by you,'' Krile added.

Az nodded and picked up her own mug, cringing as the harshness of the whiskey touched her tongue. She would never get used to this stuff, no matter how much a grizzled hero like her was supposed to drink it.

``Well I have some business to attend to in Limsa but perhaps when I get back you three could pull me aside to help with this little pet project,'' Tataru said, glancing towards the door. ``Speaking of...''

``Don't let us keep you,'' Krile said.

Az nodded. ``Always a pleasure to see you.''

Tataru took that as her cue to step away, heading towards the entrance of the bar.

``I do wonder what happened to Ilberd,'' Krile commented.

Az scoffed. ``Who cares?''

``I do,'' Krile said. ``That man is going to be the death of us.''

``I would never let that happen,'' Papalymo said, scoffing. ``It would be a cold day in the aetherial plain before he got through me.''

``Personally I want to shove my...'' Az showed off her blade-tipped metal knuckles, twisting them from side-to-side through the air. ``Up his ass.''

``An entertaining threat if nothing else,'' Papalymo quipped.

Az perked up as the door to Tataru's office opened and she stepped out, strutting across the room.

``Uh...'' she said.

Krile perked up and looked over her shoulder, following Az's gaze. ``Oh! Hello Tataru!''

Tataru waved towards them as she came over, rocking upon her heels as she stood next to their table. ``How are you all doing?''

``Very good,'' Papalymo said. ``We're just discussing what we'll do if we get our hands on Ilberd.''

``Shove your staff up his...'' Tataru began, smirking. ``Well... you know.''

``Uh...'' Az blinked, looking down at her cup. How strong was this whiskey exactly?

``Anyways I have some business to attend to in Gridania,'' Tataru commented, sighing. ``Not fond of some of the things they say but they provide some of the best weaves in the entire alliance, so I can hold my nose for a few days.''

With that she waved and made her way towards the door.

``Is something the matter, Az?'' Krile asked.

Az opened her mouth before closing it, flubbing like a fish suffocating on dry land. She swore that she hadn't been drinking that hard. And it had been literal hours since she'd last smoked a bowl.

What the fuck was going on?

Maybe you're just sleep deprived?

Yep... yep that must've been it. Just a little sleep deprivation, nothing more and nothing less. Just proof that she needed some rest after her last adventure.

``Nothing,'' Az quickly said as she forced a smile. ``Anyways, has there been any news from the Empire?''

``Apparently the governor of Gir Albania has been preparing his troops for something.'' Krile frowned. ``The crown prince is quite the little dictator these days.''

``Nothing I couldn?t handle,'' Az chided, thumping a fist against her chest.

Krile smirked. ``I appreciate the spirit but you are only one woman and the empire is a far more numerous foe.''

Papalymo frowned. ``As much as I detest Ilberd for what he did, I can't deny that I don't also crave the day that there are free people out east. If nothing else than to help Yda overcome her pain.''

``It will be free one day,'' Krile said, patting him on the shoulder. ``Tyrants exist for but fleeting moments in the grand scheme of this star. And even if the Ascians desire it, we've proven that they can be overcome.''

``I can't wait to go on the offense against those black-robed pricks,'' Az chided. ``Evil through and through. Nothing could ever change my mind on that.''

Papalymo smiled. ``I appreciate your spirit.''

Az eye's darted to the side as she noticed that the door to Tataru's office opened yet again and...

Tataru walked out, strutting across the room.

``Okay, what's going on!'' Az yelped.

Tatatru stumbled against the force of that question, flinching defensively as she noticed that Az's ire was directed towards her. She lifted her hands to shield herself, looking anxiously from side-to-side.

``Is everything okay, Az?'' Krile asked, reaching out to her.

Az bolted to her feet, now getting the entire dining hall's attention. She didn't care, something was fishy and she was going to get to the bottom of it.

``Show yourself Ascian!'' Az yelled, raising her hands. ``I see through your illusions.''

``Az, what the devil are you talking about?'' Papalymo asked.

Tataru looked around quickly, seeming just as lost and confused as she found herself the centre of this sudden ire. It was a convincing disguise but one that Az wasn't going to fall for a third time.

Az huffed and flexed her fingers, dancing to the beat of some sort of internal music. Her battle rhythm started to charge, mana flooding from her core and into her knuckles.

``That's the third time that I've seen Tataru leave that office,'' Az said. ``Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you even more. But the third time, you sure as shit ain't fooling me anymore.''

``Az...'' Krile placed a hand upon her arm. ``Perhaps you just had a little too much to...''

Tatatru waved her hands through the air, frantically looking left and right.

Az pushed away from the table and bound across the floor, blowing past the apparition that was pretending to be Tataru. She kept going, moving over to the office door and booting it down with a heavy foot.

Another illusion of Tataru was on the other side. She yelped, throwing up her arms and frantically looking to the left and right as she flapped her hands. ``Az, what are you doing here?''

``You can't fool me, Ascian,'' Az shouted, thrusting a finger in the illusion's direction. ``I know that some bullshit is going on right now.''

Tataru started to warble, her skin rippling.

Az watched in horror as she started to stretch, growing wider and wider, her features becoming increasingly distorted as she expanded in stature. It was impossible to look away, gawking at the thing that pretended to be her friend, watching as it started to peel apart, actually ripping at the seams.

Until finally, there were two Tatarus standing there, utterly identical in appearance.

``Okay!'' the first Tataru said.

The second clapped her hands together. ``I can explain.''

``What...'' Az blinked. ``I...''

``Az, is everything okay!'' Krile suddenly called.

Before Az was even fully aware of it, the other two had caught up with her, along with the third Tataru. Though none of them seemed very shocked by the sight of two Tatarus standing right there.

``I...'' Az whispered

``Az?'' Papalymo asked.

``There's two of them,'' Az whispered, pointing helplessly between them before looking at the third. ``Three of them...''

Krile looked from her and towards the Tatarus. ``I mean obviously.''

``What do you mean...'' Az shook her head, giggling. She didn't even care that she sounded deranged. The whole damned star felt deranged right now. ``What do you mean obviously?'' She thrusted her hand towards the absolute chao of it all. ``There's nothing obvious about any of this!''

``This is how Lalafells reproduce, dear,'' Krile said. ``We all do it.''

``It's called mitosis,'' Papaylmo explained.

``Mitosis,'' Az whispered, shaking her head. ``Mitosis...''

[hr]

``Mitosis?'' Thancred asked, scoffing. He tilted back his mug and took a nice big pull from his mule. ``Do you honestly expect me to believe your little story?''

``I don't know what you want from me, man,'' Az said, pointing at Tataru. ``Tell him.''

``She's telling the truth,'' Tataru said.

``I know when the wool is being pulled over my eyes, thank you very much.'' Thancred shook his head. Though he suddenly perked up, offering a half wave to a figure off in the distance. ``Oh hello, Tataru.''

A second Tataru diverted from her path away from her office, coming over. ``Oh hello, how are you doing? Enjoying your post-scion adventures?''

``You already asked that,'' Thancred chided, rolling his eyes.

Yet, he paused for a moment, going dead silent. He looked towards one Tataru before darting his gaze over to the other, seeing both of them looking towards him with identical smiles. Az couldn't help but smirk herself as she saw those little gears churning inside of his head.

``Wait a second,'' Thancred whispered.

``What's going on?'' the second Tataru asked.

Az smirked. ``I'm explaining the whole mitosis thing to him.''

``Really?'' The first Tataru shook her head. ``Why do none of the other races realize that's how we reproduce?''

``I...'' Thancred blinked, looking down at his drink. ``Huh?''

``Yep, this is giving me some serious deja vu,'' The second Tataru teased.

Az smirked and playfully punched Thancred on the arm. ``Told ya, big guy. It?s not my fault that you didn't believe me.''

``Does that mean that Papalymo is still alive?'' Thancred asked.

Az winced, sucking air through her teeth. ``No, he's uh... he's still dead, buddy.''

``Super dead,'' the first Tataru agreed.

The second Tataru could only somberly nod at the statement.

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