{ "submission_id": "3476815", "keywords": [ { "keyword_id": "441760", "keyword_name": "deltarune", "contributed": "f", "submissions_count": "4375" }, { "keyword_id": "123", "keyword_name": "female", "contributed": "f", "submissions_count": "1102981" }, { "keyword_id": "1440", "keyword_name": "human", "contributed": "f", "submissions_count": "110000" }, { "keyword_id": "447417", "keyword_name": "kris dreemurr", "contributed": "f", "submissions_count": "82" }, { "keyword_id": "442613", "keyword_name": "noelle holiday", "contributed": "f", "submissions_count": "555" }, { "keyword_id": "199599", "keyword_name": "nonbinary", "contributed": "f", "submissions_count": "8945" }, { "keyword_id": "4369", "keyword_name": "reindeer", "contributed": "f", "submissions_count": "5812" }, { "keyword_id": "1637", "keyword_name": "reptile", "contributed": "f", "submissions_count": "28914" }, { "keyword_id": "443910", "keyword_name": "susie (deltarune)", "contributed": "f", "submissions_count": "214" } ], "hidden": "f", "scraps": "f", "favorite": "f", "favorites_count": "1", "create_datetime": "2024-11-14 20:34:28.492728+00", "create_datetime_usertime": "14 Nov 2024 21:34 CET", "last_file_update_datetime": "2024-11-14 20:29:19.584335+00", "last_file_update_datetime_usertime": "14 Nov 2024 21:29 CET", "username": "kimberlyeab", "user_id": "1078223", "user_icon_file_name": "272726_kimberlyeab_asgsafdsaf.jpg", "user_icon_url_large": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/usericons/large/272/272726_kimberlyeab_asgsafdsaf.jpg", "user_icon_url_medium": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/usericons/medium/272/272726_kimberlyeab_asgsafdsaf.jpg", "user_icon_url_small": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/usericons/small/272/272726_kimberlyeab_asgsafdsaf.jpg", "file_name": "5302658_kimberlyeab_doeinthemiddle30completed.doc", "file_url_full": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/files/full/5302/5302658_kimberlyeab_doeinthemiddle30completed.doc", "file_url_screen": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/files/screen/5302/5302658_kimberlyeab_doeinthemiddle30completed.doc", "file_url_preview": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/files/preview/5302/5302658_kimberlyeab_doeinthemiddle30completed.doc", "thumbnail_url_huge": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/huge/5302/5302658_kimberlyeab_doeinthemiddle30completed.jpg", "thumbnail_url_large": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/large/5302/5302658_kimberlyeab_doeinthemiddle30completed.jpg", "thumbnail_url_medium": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/medium/5302/5302658_kimberlyeab_doeinthemiddle30completed.jpg", "thumb_huge_x": "300", "thumb_huge_y": "300", "thumb_large_x": "200", "thumb_large_y": "200", "thumb_medium_x": "120", "thumb_medium_y": "120", "files": [ { "file_id": "5302658", "file_name": "5302658_kimberlyeab_doeinthemiddle30completed.doc", "file_url_full": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/files/full/5302/5302658_kimberlyeab_doeinthemiddle30completed.doc", "file_url_screen": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/files/screen/5302/5302658_kimberlyeab_doeinthemiddle30completed.doc", "file_url_preview": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/files/preview/5302/5302658_kimberlyeab_doeinthemiddle30completed.doc", "mimetype": "application/msword", "submission_id": "3476815", "user_id": "1078223", "submission_file_order": "0", "full_size_x": null, "full_size_y": null, "screen_size_x": null, "screen_size_y": null, "preview_size_x": null, "preview_size_y": null, "initial_file_md5": "cbaf9966e85b1702a02208eb06da5514", "full_file_md5": "cbaf9966e85b1702a02208eb06da5514", "large_file_md5": "", "small_file_md5": "", "thumbnail_md5": "8769ad211500fe4ba3643b516bd92e95", "deleted": "f", "create_datetime": "2024-11-14 20:29:19.584335+00", "create_datetime_usertime": "14 Nov 2024 21:29 CET", "thumbnail_url_huge": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/huge/5302/5302658_kimberlyeab_doeinthemiddle30completed.jpg", "thumbnail_url_large": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/large/5302/5302658_kimberlyeab_doeinthemiddle30completed.jpg", "thumbnail_url_medium": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/medium/5302/5302658_kimberlyeab_doeinthemiddle30completed.jpg", "thumb_huge_x": "300", "thumb_huge_y": "300", "thumb_large_x": "200", "thumb_large_y": "200", "thumb_medium_x": "120", "thumb_medium_y": "120" } ], "pools": [ { "pool_id": "85623", "name": "Doe in the Middle", "description": "Noelle has a secret: she's into BDSM erotica.\n\nHopefully, none of her partners find out...\n\nWait, why is Kris using her Kindle?", "count": "31", "submission_left_submission_id": "3406554", "submission_left_file_name": "5179739_kimberlyeab_doeinthemiddle29completed.doc", "submission_left_thumbnail_url_huge": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/huge/5179/5179739_kimberlyeab_doeinthemiddle29completed.jpg", "submission_left_thumbnail_url_large": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/large/5179/5179739_kimberlyeab_doeinthemiddle29completed.jpg", "submission_left_thumbnail_url_medium": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/medium/5179/5179739_kimberlyeab_doeinthemiddle29completed.jpg", "submission_left_thumb_huge_x": "300", "submission_left_thumb_huge_y": "300", "submission_left_thumb_large_x": "200", "submission_left_thumb_large_y": "200", "submission_left_thumb_medium_x": "120", "submission_left_thumb_medium_y": "120", "submission_right_submission_id": "3640573", "submission_right_file_name": "5601545_kimberlyeab_doeinthemiddleepi1completed.doc", "submission_right_thumbnail_url_huge": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/huge/5601/5601545_kimberlyeab_doeinthemiddleepi1completed.jpg", "submission_right_thumbnail_url_large": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/large/5601/5601545_kimberlyeab_doeinthemiddleepi1completed.jpg", "submission_right_thumbnail_url_medium": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/medium/5601/5601545_kimberlyeab_doeinthemiddleepi1completed.jpg", "submission_right_thumb_huge_x": "300", "submission_right_thumb_huge_y": "300", "submission_right_thumb_large_x": "200", "submission_right_thumb_large_y": "200", "submission_right_thumb_medium_x": "120", "submission_right_thumb_medium_y": "120" } ], "description": "Noelle has a secret: she's into BDSM erotica.\n\nHopefully, none of her partners find out...\n\nWait, why is Kris using her Kindle?\n\n----------------------------\n\nCover art by [url=https://twitter.com/Deceased_Bunny]Dead Bunny[/url], so many thanks to him for bringing this fantastic piece to life!\n\nKinks: Finale\n\n---------------------\n\n[url=https://discord.gg/GddZvgqXgd]Hey, y'all should join my Discord! It's multifandom, kinky, and queer as fuck.[/url]\n\n[url=https://kimberlyeab.carrd.co/]Visit my website to see where else you can find my work, follow my socials, or support me on Patreon![/url]", "description_bbcode_parsed": "Noelle has a secret: she's into BDSM erotica.

Hopefully, none of her partners find out...

Wait, why is Kris using her Kindle?

----------------------------

Cover art by Dead Bunny, so many thanks to him for bringing this fantastic piece to life!

Kinks: Finale

---------------------

Hey, y'all should join my Discord! It's multifandom, kinky, and queer as fuck.

Visit my website to see where else you can find my work, follow my socials, or support me on Patreon!", "writing": "Noelle took a sip of tea, cradling her forehead within one of her hands. Her eyes drifted towards the oven, seeing that the clock on it read a little past three in the morning.\n\nShe should've been asleep; she should've been asleep a long time ago. Tomorrow was going to be the big day, a huge day in fact, the kind of day that she wanted to be alert for.\n\nBut she couldn't sleep no matter how hard she tried. \n\nNo, the torrent of unkind thoughts wouldn't allow her to. They barely even allowed her to close her eyes before they started screaming, hollering, beseeching her with invented outcomes, each even nastier than the last.\n\nShe was young, she could survive an all-nighter.\n\nHer phone suddenly pinged and she glanced towards it.\n\nBirdFemboi69: ``Hey, what are you doing up?''\n\nNoelle lifted a tired brow.\n\nDragonBlazer4Life: ``Why is that your Steam name?''\n\nBirdFemboi69: ``Look...''\n\nDragonBlazer4Life: ``Oh no.''\n\nBirdFemboi69: ``So, I know you told me to chill since my last break up but...''\n\nDragonBlazer4Life: ``Zelda...''\n\nBirdFemboi69: ``There was a Discord mod and look... I'm just reclaiming the word.''\n\nDragonBlazer4Life: ``Doesn't a word need to be a slur in the first place in order for you to reclaim it?''\n\nBirdFemboi69: ``Noelle, surely you've heard the discourse.''\n\nNoelle certainly had not heard of the discourse. Actually, hearing that there was discourse made her even more hesitant to approach the topic with a twenty-foot pole.\n\nDragonBlazer4Life: ``What are you doing awake at this hour?''\n\nBirdFemboi69: ``Gaming? What about you?''\n\nDragonBlazer4Life: ``Having trouble sleeping.''\n\nNoelle took another sip of tea, closing her eyes. She felt so tired that she could've nodded off. She really should've nodded off. Yet, the very second that she closed her eyes, those destructive thoughts swarmed her grey matter like a cloud of locust. Each was ready to devour any happy thoughts that she may have possibly had.\n\nAnother ping.\n\nBirdfemboi69: ``Would you like to talk about it?''\n\nDragonBlazer4Life: ``My mom is in town and wants to get lunch. I think that she's getting ready to pull some stuff because I displeased her.''\n\nBirdFemboi69: ``Ah...\n\nBirdFemboi69: ``Or maybe she just wants to talk.''\n\nNoelle scoffed. When had Zelda learned to think like that? Maybe she was more of an optimist than Noelle gave her credit for.\n\nDragonBlazer4Life: ``That isn't really how my mom operates. She's a control freak. If I had to guess, she's probably going to pull any financial aid that she's been giving me unless I get back into majoring in political science.''\n\nBirdFemboi69: ``Are you going to be okay?''\n\nOkay was achievable but it wasn't going to be pleasant. Carol's stipend made up about forty percent of Noelle's income at this point, paying for her courses and helping to cover her portion of the rent. Without that, it would be a lot harder to do both. She'd probably have to pick up more hours at the diner and that wasn't a fun thing to contend with.\n\nDragonBlazer4Life: ``Maybe.''\n\nBirdFemboi69: ``Personally, I think that you'll be fine.''\n\nDragonBlazer4Life: ``Oh?''\n\nBirdFemboi69: ``Like... I don't know. This is going to sound weird but I feel like you've come a long way since you started doing stuff with Kris and Susie.''\n\nNoelle smirked and brushed a finger along her collar, feeling the firm material of it. It was a comforting presence, warm against her skin. Though more importantly, it wasn't something she would've been so bold to wear even a few months prior. It felt like the symbol in gauging how far she'd come in recent months.\n\nDragonBlazer4Life: ``Thanks Zelda.''\n\nBirdFemboi69: ``Of course, Noelle. I personally think that you've got this. If your mom decides to be a total B then you can tell her where to shove it. And I know that Kris and Susie will have your back no matter what!''\n\nDragonBlazer4Life: ``You really think so?''\n\nBirdFemboi69: ``I know so. Now, I have some gaming to get back to. And you should really get some sleep.''\n\nNoelle yawned.\n\nShe really should.\n\n[hr]\n\nFive hours of sleep was better than no hours of sleep. \n\nThat's what Noelle tried to tell herself as she stared down at the cup of coffee in front of her. It certainly didn't feel like it. Honestly, it felt like she had somehow gotten negative sleep, feeling more exhausted than when she'd gone to bed.\n\nShe grabbed the mug of coffee in front of her and took a sip from it, feeling some of the warmth filter into her exhausted grey matter. It wasn't much but it was something at the very least.\n\n``Breakfast smells nice,'' Kris chimed in.\n\nNoelle sniffed the air, picking up on the delicious combination of veggies, eggs, and cheese which was wafting towards her from the kitchen. She saw that Susie was at the stove, tossing the ingredients within a sizzling frying pan.\n\n``Smells good,'' Noelle murmured in agreement.\n\nSusie whistled. ``Are you okay, little doe?''\n\n``Tired,'' Noelle grumbled, trying desperately to rub the sleep out of her eyes. ``Just... didn't sleep well.''\n\n``Need an energy drink?'' Kris asked.\n\nNoelle scrunched her nose and stuck out her tongue in disgust. That didn't sound like a very good idea by any stretch of the imagination. At this point, it likely wouldn't help her feel more awake and would probably only give her jitters.\n\n``Are you sure that you're going to be up for lunch?'' Susie asked. There was a note of concern in her voice. No, it was more than just a mere note, being the overwhelming totality of her tone. ``We can always cancel if you...''\n\nThere it was.\n\nNoelle sighed. ``Mom busted her ass coming out here. I'm not going to cancel on her at the last minute.'' She yawned. ``She's offering me an olive branch and I need to hear her out at the very least.''\n\n``It could be...'' Kris began but promptly shut up, clearly thinking better of it as they instead looked down at the energy drink in their hands.\n\nIt could be a trap.\n\nIt seemed that the great minds of this apartment thought alike. The idea had come to Noelle. No, it more than just came to Noelle. She understood the possibility well, imagining all the ways that Carol could spring something on her. \n\nAfter all, her mind had been fixated on the idea for the last few days, playing out every terrible possibility as if it were actually going to happen. Hell, every moment of her life just kind of reinforced the idea, knowing Carol so very well and her prior controlling tactics.\n\nBut when it came down to it, she could've also done something like that from the comfort of her own home, over the phone. She had just as much access to her strings back there as she did out here.\n\n``I'm okay enough to do this,'' Noelle said, offering Kris and then Susie her best attempt at a smile. It was tired but sincere enough to make them both look away, nodding with a reluctant form of acceptance.\n\n``I think we need to get you a new collar,'' Kris said.\n\nNoelle perked up. ``Wait, why?''\n\n``Your current one is getting a little worn out,'' Kris commented, tracing their own throat in a spot where the collar would've rested if it was on them instead. ``Even leather can tarnish with enough use. And Angel knows you've been using that one a lot.''\n\n``But I like my collar,'' Noelle replied, reaching up and feeling the material. It was textured and had a certain character to it with a roughness that seemed to come with age. The stitches were also a little frayed, the threads poking out. ``But maybe you're right.''\n\n``You can always keep the old one as a memento or something,'' Susie added. She pulled the pan off of the stove and took a step to the side, dishing up the meal onto three plates. ``Plus, it'll give us an excuse to spoil you.''\n\n``Like we really need one,'' Kris teased, winking across the table at Noelle.\n\nNoelle grinned and couldn't help but enjoy the compliment. It also helped her feel a little more there, pulling her back to the moment. It even seemed to breach through the smothering blanket of her growing exhaustion as she felt just a little more alert.\n\nShe got up from her seat and approached the kitchen nook, grabbing all three plates and bringing them over to the table. One plate went before each of the seats with her settling down in front of the final one, grabbing her fork and knife.\n\nIt smelled good and she couldn't help but spear a potato with her fork, quickly taking a bite. Sure, she burned her mouth in the process but she was honestly too tired to care.\n\nNoelle's phone buzzed and she glanced down at it.\n\nToriel: ``Kris told me that you're having lunch with Carol today. Just wanted to let you know that I'm here if you need to talk.''\n\nNoelle offered a warm smile and drafted a quick response. \n\nNoelle: ``Thanks, I'll keep that in mind.''\n\n``You know we've been doing this for awhile now,'' Kris said, motioning towards Noelle with their fork. ``A whole school year at this point.''\n\nSusie smirked. ``It felt way longer than that.''\n\nNoelle nodded and absently reached up in order to toy with the ring on her collar. It felt nice but she could also feel how the metal was beginning to tarnish, the stainless steel marked with many little imperfections. \n\nMaybe, they were right. Maybe, it was time for an upgrade.\n\n``It's really helped me,'' Noelle said. ``As funny as that sounds.''\n\nSusie looked at her and lifted a brow.\n\n``I don't know how to describe it but since we started doing this sort of stuff, I've gotten way more confident,'' Noelle started to explain, pausing to take another bite of her breakfast. ``Feels like learning to have control over my sex life taught me how to take control over the rest of my life.''\n\n``I know what you mean,'' Kris said.\n\nNoelle lifted a brow. ``You do?''\n\n``After I got rid of that little red parasite,'' Kris stated, brushing their bangs out of their purple eyes. ``I struggled to find out who I really was. And it was through having sex with Catti that I kind of started to piece together what I want to do with myself.'' They shrugged. ``Something about it was cleansing... healing maybe?''\n\nNoelle then looked at Susie.\n\nSusie smirked back at her. ``Sorry, I can't relate. Unfortunately, unlike you two, I'm actually normal.''\n\nKris stuck out their tongue at her.\n\n``I guess I just appreciate you two doing this for me,'' Noelle said, sighing. ``I don't know if I would be in this position right now if you two hadn't given me the means to figure out what I wanted to do with myself.''\n\nKris smiled. ``You're very welcome.''\n\nSusie was in the middle of taking a bite of food. So, she instead reached out and squeezed Noelle's free hand with her own.\n\nNoelle?s phone buzzed twice more in quick succession.\n\nAsgore: ``Best of luck today, we're here for you.''\n\nRudy: ``You'll always be my special girl. Don't let Carol get under your skin. Trust me... her bark is way worse than her bite :P''\n\nNoelle snickered and pulled her hand away from Susie in order to shoot back two quick responses.\n\n``Did you tell everyone about this?'' Noelle asked, offering a sly smile as she glanced between her Dommes.\n\nSusie scoffed. ``I didn't tell anyone.''\n\nNoelle then looked at Kris.\n\n``What? I told them that I was getting lunch with Carol,'' Kris explained, shrugging. ``They all wanted to know if I had suffered some sort of medical crisis that pushed me to the brink. So, I had to tell them what was going on.''\n\nNoelle snickered. ``Fair enough.''\n\n``So, any ideas for a new collar?'' Kris asked, pointing at Noelle with their fork.\n\nNoelle hummed. She speared another potato and casually ate it, using her time spent chewing as an excuse not to respond. Though considering how good they were, it was a pretty good excuse.\n\n``I like the ring on this one and I like the material. Maybe we can go with a new colour though?'' Noelle finally stated before nodding assuredly. ``And I want spikes on my new collar!''\n\nKris grinned. ``Spikes are cool as fuck.''\n\nNoelle's phone buzzed yet again.\n\nSusie smirked. ``Popular.''\n\nCatti: ``Kris ratted.''\n\nBuzz.\n\nCatti: ``Good luck.''\n\nA part of Noelle was a little peeved at being interrupted. Though a far larger part of her was honestly a little touched that people were reaching out over something like this. \n\nBetween work and school, it became easy to forget how many people cared about her. It would seem that her family was rather large at this point. And the larger her family was, the less scary the threat of Carol became.\n\n``I kind of like the idea of spikes,'' Susie commented, pulling Noelle back to their current discussion. ``I think that my pet should look as fierce as her owner.''\n\nNoelle grinned. ``Hell yeah.''\n\n[hr]\n\nNoelle sighed as the leather left her throat, feeling oddly naked without it. Which was strange as she was dressed up more than usual, wearing business casual attire. This was made up of a nice blouse and a lovely pencil skirt. It felt like she was dressed for a job interview and not lunch with her own freaking mother.\n\nShe watched as Kris placed it within a box that they kept by the door, carefully closing the lid and patting the top of it with their hand.\n\n``It'll be there when we get back,'' they said.\n\nSusie and them were also dressed up far more professionally than usual. For Susie, this involved khaki pants and a buttoned-up checkered shirt which she looked very uncomfortable wearing. Meanwhile, Kris wore a pair of jeans and a nice sports jacket.\n\nNone of the parties present seemed particularly thrilled about this. But they all knew Carol and they all knew her standards.\n\n``Everybody ready?'' Susie asked, scanning through her phone. ``Looks like the subways are on time today.''\n\n``A rarity,'' Kris teased.\n\nNoelle nodded and clutched her purse tightly to her side. ``As ready as I'll ever be.''\n\nThough as if on cue, her phone chimed from within her bag. She opened it and reached inside. The thing had been going off the hook all day.\n\n``Popular doe,'' Kris teased, playfully bumping into her.\n\nNoelle smirked and unlocked it.\n\nAsriel: ``Hope the talk with your mom goes well. I know that Dess would be proud of you for standing up to her. If you need anything, I'm free all day. Chara and Frisk also send their regards.''\n\n``Who is it?'' Kris asked.\n\nNoelle looked up. ``Your brother.''\n\nShe quickly slid her finger across the screen, drafting a reply.\n\nNoelle: ``Thanks Azzy, that means a lot coming from you. It's weird... I kind of feel her too.''\n\nAt least, that was what Noelle was attributing that warmth in her stomach too. That lit bit of rebellious spirit which wasn't just ready to face her mother but was actually kind of craving it, wishing for this meeting like it was the forerunner to some grand battle between titans.\n\nIt might've been one of a hundred things but thinking of it as a little bit of Dess lingering around just felt so very right. Maybe somewhere out there, wherever monsters went when their time was done, Dess was shouting from the sidelines.\n\n``Noelle,'' Susie said, whistling sharply.\n\nNoelle stirred and slipped the phone back into her purse. She offered a sheepish smile as she looked between her partners. ``Sorry, sorry, I'm ready to go.''\n\n[hr]\n\nNoelle wondered if fate was on her side. It felt like an odd thing to fixate on but she had this nagging sensation that something wanted her to have this talk. And that something was going to make sure that she was comfortable and provided for.\n\nMaybe this was simply the exhaustion starting to catch up with her, giving her some sort of false confidence. \n\nBut what else was she supposed to think when there were three seats free on the subway, all in close proximity to one another. Her polycule never got to sit together on the train.\n\nKris offered their hand and Noelle gripped it, giving it a comforting squeeze.\n\n``Ready for this?'' they asked.\n\nNoelle glanced up and nodded. ``Tired but I'll manage.''\n\n``Angel above, when was the last time that I actually saw your mom,'' Susie commented, shaking her head. ``Was it really...'' She whistled. ``I think it was.''\n\nDess' Funeral.\n\nNoelle frowned but nodded. ``Probably.''\n\nHer phone buzzed and she lifted a brow. Then it went off a few more times in quick succession. Each of these messages played a slightly different ringtone. An oddity that she had never experienced before.\n\nShe assumed that she had already received messages from all the people that she knew.\n\nKris shook their head. ``How many people do you know?''\n\n``I don't...'' Noelle began.\n\nShe reached into her purse and pulled out her phone, seeing a cascade of weird messages. Honestly, they felt like spam and she likely would've clocked them as such if it wasn't for the fact that she saw the word `Queen' in one of them.\n\nSo, she started to read.\n\n ``Hello dearest Noelle, I heard that you're going on quite the adventure today. I'd wish you the best of luck but my calculations state that you don't require something like that. Shatter a femur for me! - Queen''\n\n``Best of luck! - Swatch''\n\n``I cannot wait to see what tales you tell once this foe is vanquished! - Spear Shaker''\n\n``Don't worry, if this meeting goes poorly, I have her bank account information :3 - Tasque''\n\nNoelle frowned. Not the direction she would've...\n\n``You'll always have a home amongst me and my subjects, Noelle. Best of luck and I cannot wait to see you and your family again - Ralsei\n\nP.S. Call Susie a nerd for me!''\n\nNoelle snickered.\n\nSusie peered over the seat and looked down at her phone, huffing at what she saw. ``That little shit!''\n\n[hr]\n\nThe restaurant was just on the edge of downtown, in that area where skyscrapers gave way to structures which were a little shorter in stature. It stuck out as being the only building around that was a single story tall.\n\nIt was named `Jalapeno' with a neon pepper as its mascot. As it was broad daylight, it remained motionless, offering a stagnant but large thumbs up. Though when it was later in the day, it would repeatedly wink over and over again.\n\nThis wasn't traditional, not by any stretch of the definition. But the food was good and she knew that Kris and Susie also enjoyed it. Plus, it was one of the few Mexican places that actually had a really nice vegetarian menu.\n\nNoelle stood outside, clutching her bag. Every step from the station was hard with her legs feeling more and more like jelly as she approached the restaurant. Her body seemed to be weighed down with lead, making it so hard to keep steady.\n\nA part of her wanted to turn tail and run.\n\nBut she knew that this was impossible. There was no blowing it off from here. She'd left the safety of her home and the comfort of her neighbourhood. Hell, she had even abandoned the familiarity of her collar. There was nothing to support her until after she was done with this.\n\nSusie placed a hand upon her shoulder, gently grasping it. ``You okay, babe?''\n\nNoelle drew in a breath and let it out slowly. ``I...'' Every part of her wanted to scream that she wasn't. This part of her wanted to cry and throw a hissy fit. But in the end, she sighed with the weight of a thousand little lies. ``I'm good.''\n\nAnother white lie and one that both of her partners picked up on easily enough.\n\nSusie frowned.\n\nKris came up alongside her and grabbed her hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. \n\nThis was the very real proof that she hadn't left everything which gave her comfort behind. Her partners were still very much there, waiting in the wings. And they would be there with her throughout all of this, no matter if it did or didn't go poorly.\n\n``Come on, let's not keep my mom waiting,'' Noelle finally said.\n\nKris nodded and drew away, letting go of her hand. They grabbed the door and held it open, gesturing for the other two to go inside first.\n\n``What a gentleman,'' Noelle teased.\n\nKris smirked, winking at her. ``I have my moments.''\n\nThe restaurant wasn't anything special in terms of the downtown scene. It fit that kind of darkish sports bar vibe that every chain restaurant had gone for over the last decade or so. There was very little brightness or colour and it seemed to have this sense of style that reeked of Ikea... or at least the restaurant equivalent.\n\nThe staff also wore all black, making it look trendy instead of unique.\n\n``Hey there, do you have a reservation?'' the host asked. She was an alligator monster who very well could've been a distant cousin of Susie's.\n\nNoelle forced a smile. ``Table of five for Carol Blizzard?''\n\nThe host scanned through the list of names, tapping her sharpie against the sheet over and over again. Until she finally found it, nodding as she made an affirmative little noise.\n\n``Follow me,'' she said, grabbing three menus.\n\nReluctantly, Noelle followed with her partners waiting in the wings. The restaurant wasn't overly large but it still felt downright mammoth to overcome. A part of her hoped that it would be ceaseless, that they would never reach her and instead be stuck in some sort of Tex Mex-themed Backrooms which kept them away from Carol's impending scorn.\n\nIn reality, time was simply running slow in Noelle's stressed and tired brain. But time still moved and soon enough they were at the table.\n\nAnd almost immediately Noelle was on the backfoot.\n\nThere was her mother, smiling as she chatted with her companion. Which was odd as her mother never smiled. Just like her mother would never be caught dead wearing a basketball jersey, especially one for the Homecity Sports Ballers. \n\nYet, here she was, not only smiling but also wearing a jersey that was just a little too big for a woman of her stature. \n\nWhy was... what was...\n\nOh no... something terrible was afoot.\n\n``Mom?'' Noelle asked.\n\nCarol perked up and her smile became a little more strained, just a smidge tense in nature. ``Hello, Noelle, dear, you uh... you look well.'' She then looked at Kris and Susie. ``It's nice to see you two as well. How have you been?''\n\n``Good,'' Susie said, pulling out a chair and taking a seat. That would be all the answer that Carol would get out of her.\n\nKris shrugged and also took a seat. ``Keeping my head above water in art school.'' They smiled as they tilted their chin towards Noelle. ``Excited to have Noelle joining me.''\n\nCarol nodded. If she was angered by this statement, it was impossible to tell. The woman always had an ability for masking her emotions. It came with being a natural born politician. Or at least, that's what she claimed. \n\nLowkey, Noelle kind of doubted that she actually felt any emotions in the first place.\n\nNoelle took a seat. ``A little tired but aside from that fine.''\n\nShe glanced at the seat next to Carol's, seeing a woefully familiar midlife crisis sitting right next to her. Anthony's smile was far more strained than Carol's and he obviously wasn't used to the less than enthusiastic attention aimed towards him. He was also wearing a jersey for the Homecity Sports Ballers.\n\n``Interesting choice of fashion,'' Noelle quipped.\n\nCarol hummed and then looked down at her jersey, perking up. ``Oh uh... I thought that I'd kill two birds with one stone. Anthony really wanted to see a game, since he hasn't been to the city in awhile.''\n\n``Didn't take you for a basketball fan,'' Susie chided.\n\n``Neither did I,'' Carol said, shrugging. ``But it was a lot of fun even if I didn't understand how any of it worked.'' She smirked as she winked at her daughter. ``It was very working class and you know that I am a huge fan of seeming approachable to the working class.''\n\nShe then picked up a chip from a basket in the middle of the table and dipped it into a communal dish, biting into it soon after.\n\n``Have you tried this stuff?'' Carol asked, pointing down at it as she chewed. ``It's a little spicy but still pretty tasty.'' She glanced at Anthony. ``What's it called again?''\n\nAnthony blinked. ``Uh... Guacamole?''\n\nNoelle wanted to laugh. She really really wanted to. How was her mother this out of touch? Like she knew that she was from a small town but she swore that they at least sold avocados at the grocery store.\n\n``Thanks for coming out by the way,'' Carol said.\n\nNoelle nodded. ``I wasn't going to say no to my own mother.'' She frowned. ``Or at least, I wasn't going to say no to...''\n\nCarol suddenly looked quite dark as glanced off to the side.\n\nAnd just like that any progress that had been made in getting rid of the oppressive atmosphere had been undone as it slammed back into the moment at full force. That smothering anxiety was like a weighted blanket which started to mess with her thoughts.\n\n``Hey, do I know you?,'' Kris commented, snapping their fingers as they looked at Anthony. ``I swear that I've seen you on campus before.'' \n\nAnthony blinked and looked Kris over, sizing them up. Then it clicked as realization flashed in his eyes. ``Wait... I recognize you from...'' He also snapped his fingers together as well, flashing a bright smile. ``You were at Jack's party last year.''\n\n``Yeah, I was,'' Kris said, grinning right back at him. ``You were one of the guys who held my legs during the keg stand. Then we...''\n\nKris suddenly looked quite dark.\n\nAnthony also went pale as neither of them said a word.\n\nCarol looked absolutely mortified by the discussion. Was it because she couldn't imagine that Anthony was the kind of guy to do keg stands? Or was she ashamed that she was currently dating someone who was within the age range of helping her daughter's partner do keg stands in the first place? It was a question that would likely never get answered.\n\nA waitress suddenly came over with an electronic pad. ``Has everyone had a chance to read the menu?''\n\nNoelle hadn't but she knew what she wanted anyways. This was joined by the rest of the table as one after another they gave their orders. Until finally, the waitress reached Carol.\n\n``I'd like a glass of the house red and also an order of...'' She looked at the menu, scanning the various food items. There was a certain helplessness in her eyes as she looked helplessly up at Noelle. ``I'll have what my daughter's having but please don't make it too spicy.''\n\nThe waitress gave a knowing smile but jotted this down. ``Of course.''\n\nShe took the menus and left, returning the table to its truly awkward fate.\n\n``So, why are we here?'' Susie asked, clearly just as done with this awkwardness as literally everyone else.\n\nCarol nodded and worked her jaw, nervously rubbing her hands together. ``I...'' She drew in a breath and sighed. ``I wanted to apologize to you, Noelle.''\n\nNoelle sucked in a breath. ``What?''\n\nKris looked shaken. Susie was more stable but looked at least taken back enough to grow tense, glancing warily at Carol.\n\nAnthony chuckled. ``Why is that so shocking? Has she never done that...''\n\nCarol placed her hand over his and he then nodded, getting this knowing little look as he sunk back into his seat. \n\n``Oh,'' he whispered.\n\nCarol drew in another breath. ``When you came to me back in Hometown you caught me at a compromising moment. I felt needlessly defensive and ambushed and took out my feelings on you when you brought up the news in terms of changing your major.'' She worked her jaw. ``I won't lie and say that I wasn't a little disappointed but I also should've listened to you better.'' She frowned. ``The cons of being caught in that sort of position in the first place.''\n\nNoelle flushed, realizing that maybe Carol had a point. She had literally caught her mother in a bathrobe with her new boytoy. That was probably something that neither of them had really enjoyed experiencing.\n\n``And I talked with your father,'' Carol continued. ``And while we might not be married any longer, I do still enjoy his counsel on subjects like these. He told me how much you'd been agonizing over the idea of having to tell me and I...'' She shook her head. ``I don't want to be a person that you agonize over having to speak too.''\n\n``Mom...'' Noelle tried.\n\nCarol lifted a hand. ``Sorry, I... please let me finish before my courage flees.''\n\nNoelle nodded and gestured towards her, beaconing for her to go on.\n\n``I am a woman who fixates on control,'' Carol explained, still rubbing her hands together. ``I am someone who thrives over having everything planned out and going according to said plan. But as I've grown older, especially in recent years, I've begun to realize that my desire for control can also be a curse. I realized that in an effort to keep within my own comfort zone, I was pushing away the people that I love. And...''\n\nAnthony reached out and Carol grabbed his hand, squeezing it. At that moment, Noelle realized that maybe he wasn't just a toy. He might've actually been something more than that. He was someone that her mother enjoyed the company of. Sure, that didn't make the age gap entirely understandable but it was nice to know that it wasn't just his youth that she was after.\n\n``I began to realize that maybe if I got better at surrendering control than the people in my life would still be around me. Maybe if I listened to Dess and didn't push back so often then she might still be alive. Maybe if I took vacations, like Rudy asked, then I'd still be married to him. And maybe... just maybe... if I get better at trying not to make you another me, then maybe my daughter will still be a part of my life.''\n\nNoelle felt this guilty little tension in her stomach. It was toxic, making her belly ache.\n\n``I can try and control you as much as I'd like,'' Carol said, shaking her head. ``But what's the point if you just fly free like everyone else once you no longer require my assistance.'' She sniffled, shaking her head. ``So, I wanted to apologize to you for making myself so unapproachable over the years. And I wanted to apologize for every time I made you feel like you weren't good enough for me. I... I know that it might be too little too late but I'd really like you to still be a part of my life.''\n\nNoelle nodded and looked down at her hands. The apology was sincere, there was no two ways about it. \n\nShe glanced to her left and then to her right, trying to gauge how Kris and Susie were taking it. Kris flinched away from her eye while Susie looked down at her own hands, impossible to read. They were there for her but they would not make this decision for her.\n\n``I...'' Noelle opened mouth.\n\nThe waitress suddenly came by and everyone tensed, waiting for her to put down their drinks. She seemed utterly oblivious to the moment taking place between them.\n\nOnce she was gone, Noelle let out a breath that she hadn't realized she'd been holding. ``I appreciate the apology.''\n\nCarol nodded.\n\n``But one apology isn't going to make up for everything that's happened between us,'' Noelle explained, biting her lip. There was so much pain there, so many spoiled memories. It took a lot to bury them. Maybe more than Noelle honestly possessed. ``That being said, it's a good start and...'' She reached across the table and touched her mother's hand. ``If you're sincere about wanting to change then...'' She nodded to herself. ``I'd... I'd really love to try and get to know you better.''\n\nCarol nodded right on back, accepting this answer. She then snapped up her wine and took a very generous sip from it. Hell, she nearly downed the entire glass in one pull.\n\n``See, told you that you had nothing to worry about,'' Anthony teased.\n\nNoelle blinked. Wait had her mother been... had she also been a nervous wreck about this too?\n\n``Barely slept a wink last night,'' Carol grumbled.\n\nNoelle snickered. ``Guess that's inherited.''\n\nCarol nodded and then gestured towards her daughter. ``So, tell me about some of the stories that you're working on.''\n\nNoelle smirked. ``Well...''\n\n[hr]\n\nBy the time that the food arrived, things were much better. That tense weight in Noelle's stomach had faded a little and she no longer felt like she was going to throw up.\n\nWhich was probably for the best as the food looked and smelled absolutely delicious, making up for the unoriginal ambience of the place.\n\n``So, you're telling me that there's a whole community of people who trespass onto abandoned properties and explore them?'' Carol asked.\n\nSusie nodded and flashed a great big toothy smile. ``Yeah.''\n\n``Isn't that dangerous?'' Carol then added.\n\nSusie's smile only grew. ``Very.''\n\nCarol paused at this response, nodding to herself.\n\n``I can see why you like this one so much,'' she finally said, looking at her daughter. ``Your father was just like this growing up.'' She sighed and shook her head. ``I still remember when he used to be part of a gang.''\n\nNoelle gasped. ``He was part of a gang?''\n\n``Okay `gang' might be a strong word,'' Carol commented, gesturing vaguely with her hand. ``It was more like a collection of five troublemakers who all owned motorcycles and had a liberal interpretation of what the speed limit was.''\n\nShe looked at her meal, perplexed by what she saw. It was a burrito with a side of fries. The helplessness in her eyes only grew as she watched Noelle pick it up with her bare hands and take a great big bite from it. It was impossible not to feel better at the taste of liberally seasoned sweet potato.\n\nClearly, Carol had not been expecting something like this as she tried to grab it herself. Though Noelle could see the conflict taking place in her eyes as she practically recoiled away from it and instead looked over at Anthony, seeming totally helpless.\n\nAnthony chuckled and grabbed a roll of cutlery from a communal basket on the table, sliding it over to her.\n\nIt felt wrong to cut into a burrito with a fork and knife but Noelle accepted that her mom wasn't just going to change overnight.\n\nStill, Carols' face brightened as she popped a bite of the burrito into her mouth. ``Oh wow, that's... that's so flavourful.'' She chewed on it for a bit, savouring it before finally swallowing. ``An amazing suggestion, dear.''\n\n``Thanks,'' Noelle replied, offering a faint smile.\n\n``Do you three come here often?'' Carol asked.\n\nKris tilted their head from side to side. ``Yeah, a couple times a year. It's Noelle's favourite place to go whenever we have something to celebrate.''\n\n``You know, Dreemurr,'' Carol started, wagging her knife at them. ``I used to think that you were a bit of a troublemaker.''\n\nKris grinned. ``Awww... what do you mean, `used to'?''\n\nCarol chuckled. ``Fair point.'' She started to cut into another bite of her dish. ``But you and Susie have been really good to my daughter. So, thank you both for taking care of her while she's been in the city.''\n\nSusie blushed at that, looking off to the side.\n\nKris' grin also slipped, falling to something a little more sincere. ``Thanks, Miss Blizzard.''\n\n``Please, you can call me Carol,'' Carol replied. She then motioned with her knife, using the tip of it to gesture between Kris and Noelle. ``You know... I have an idea.''\n\n``What's that?'' Noelle asked.\n\nCarol shrugged. ``If Kris can draw and you can write, why don't you two work on a comic together. I hear those are all the rage these days.''\n\nNoelle didn't know if they were all the rage but it seemed that her mother was sincere with the idea at the very least. So, she let it slide.\n\n``That's actually a really cool idea,'' Noelle said as she glanced at Kris.\n\nKris smirked. ``Something to look into when I'm finally done with school.''\n\nCarol nodded but then perked right up, looking at Noelle. ``You know, I'm back in town in a couple of weeks for a meeting. I was wondering if you'd maybe like to get lunch at that time?'' She lifted a hand. ``No pressure, of course, I know it's a little last...''\n\n``Gladly,'' Noelle cut-in, offering a smile.\n\nCarol looked at her, judging that smile. In the end, she folded her hands together upon the table. ``I'll forward you the details.''\n\nNoelle nodded and took another bite of her food.\n\nMaybe, just maybe, things were going to be okay.\n\n[hr]\n\n``Well, that's surprising,'' Kris said as they strolled into their apartment. They immediately made their way over to the couch and faceplanted upon it. ``Didn't think in a million years that it was going to go like that.''\n\n``Tell me about it,'' Noelle said, dropping her purse onto the floor.\n\nSusie came in and locked the door behind them. ``Think that she's telling the truth?''\n\nNoelle worked her jaw, thinking about, really thinking about it. The woman had not only seemed sincere but also more vulnerable than Noelle had seen her before. If that wasn't the truth then Carol was far colder than she knew.\n\n``Either she's telling the truth or I never want to play poker with her,'' Kris commented.\n\nNoelle stood next to the ornate box in the entryway, glancing at Susie. She tried not to seem expectant but it was hard.\n\nSusie looked at her and then at it, clearly picking up on what she wanted. She made her way over and placed a hand upon Noelle's back, rubbing at it. While doing so, she flipped open the box and retrieved a familiar garment from inside.\n\n``I'm starting to think that you're a bit of a freak,'' she teased.\n\nNoelle snickered.\n\n``Only a bit!'' Kris called from the couch. ``I'm starting to think that Noelle's more of a freak than us.''\n\n``That's not true!'' Noelle yelped.\n\nKris snickered. ``Don't lie. We both know it's true.''\n\nNoelle huffed. She would admit no such thing.\n\nSusie rolled her eyes and carefully eased the collar around Noelle's throat, latching it shut in the back. \n\nAt this point, she didn't even need to wedge a finger between the material and her coat. They both knew that it was going to be perfect. After all, that specific rung on the collar was so worn from use that it was impossible to miss.\n\nThe ceremony was short but just enough to symbolize the importance of it. Once finished, Susie then shifted her hand upwards. She petted the top of her little doe's head, rubbing at the spot between her antlers.\n\n``How you feeling, little doe?'' Susie asked.\n\nNoelle smirked. ``Good.''\n\nAnd that was the truth. She felt good, really good. Every terrible theory she had was a lie, a fib, so far removed from what actually happened today. It felt impossible but her mother had actually come around to seeing things from her perspective in the end.\n\nThat felt impossible. Honestly, she had to pinch herself to be assured that this wasn't some sort of sick dream that she was yet to wake up from.\n\n``What do you want to do today?'' Susie asked.\n\nNoelle yawned. ``Chill and take a nice long nap.''\n\n``I love chilling and napping!'' Kris called from the couch, their voice muffled by the cushion.\n\nNoelle made her way over to the living room, settling down within their apartment's loveseat. She absently reached for her Kindle, brushing through her catalogue until she found a story that she actually wanted to read.\n\nBefore opening it, however, she looked at Kris and then glanced at Susie. Simply having them there made her feel so much better. \n\nHonestly, there was nothing she wanted more as she started on her next story.\n\n[hr]\n\nWhen I started this project, I never imagined that I would get this far. Prior to Doe, my longest stories were maybe four or five chapters long with many false starts and hiatused projects predating this fic over the course of 2019-21. But not only did I reach the end of this quarter of a million-word epic, I also collaborated on and finished a second fic of comparable length in that time.\n\nSo, it's nice to reach the end of Doe and realize that I am capable of not only writing something like this but also capable of keeping people's interest throughout the entire thing.\n\nYou might be wondering why I chose to write a story like Doe in the first place. After all, there aren't many stories out there which are this weird hybrid of being both porn and also something more serious.\n\nOn a personal level, I love BDSM and am a massive kinkster. Shocking, I know. But stories featuring it always appealed to me. \n\nMy big inspirations for this project were of course Sunstone which I kind of hold as the gold standard of weaving together erotica and serious narratives. That and another webcomic called I Roved Out in Search of Truth and Love. There was also a MLP fic called Moonstone (jee I wonder where its inspiration came from) by an author named Loyal. And like those stories, I wanted to tell a tale that was one part erotica, one-part serious character drama, and one part sex ed for people who are just coming to understand kink and their sexuality.\n\nIf I managed something like that well, I will leave it up to you.\n\nPrior to Doe I was working on two fics which were going to play with a similar concept. One that has been sadly haitused and another that made it to chapter two but was never published. The prior was an original erotica called `Wanna Film a Porno?' which was about two lesbians navigating transitioning and OnlyFans during the height of COVID. The later was a erotic-comedy Batman fic where Bruce learns BDSM in order to infiltrate a supervillain play party.\n\nSadly, both of these fics died in late 2021 when I played Undertale for the first time and then Deltarune days later. I was extremely late to the fandom but I hit the ground running. As I write this, the UTDR fandom is about to become my most prolific fandom in terms of raw word count. \n\nI know the ending to this story isn't a grand battle against some evil foe like some of my more SFW friends might write about. Hell, when I started this fic, I didn't really know what the ending would even look like. I just kind of figured that this story would go on and on until I grew bored and eventually abandoned it. This fic taught me how to structure stories but that structuring didn't start until chapter ten. That being said, the goal for this fic was to portray growing up and transitioning from your college years into adulthood. And that's what I wanted to show. I wanted to present people with a Noelle who was growing up, gaining both confidence and an ability to exert her ambitions. Which is where the central conflict with Carol came from.\n\nI also projected onto her a lot early on, foolishly thinking that I was a Noelle kinnie. It turns out that I was not a Noelle kinnie and thus was stuck with a character that screamed self-insert but wasn't actually one. \n\nCurse you Stephen King for making all your protags authors.\n\nI owe a lot to this fic. I made a lot of great friends via it and I managed to grow a pretty nice community of like minded readers, writers, artists, and friends. It allowed me to stay sane in a fandom which is overwhelmingly dominated by more reactionary voices when it comes to the topic of sexuality. And I mean, I must've done something right in order to earn myself more than 50k hits on AO3 (along with tens of thousands more on my other sites), giving me one of the most read fics in the fandom. An honour which I constantly let go to my head.\n\nSure, I was also subjected to unwanted attention but there will always be a few bad apples. It just so happens that UTDR has a higher ratio of them than a lot of my other fandoms. I'd be remiss not to say that the hatedom around my work was definitely a negative... but, in the end, I think the good that came because of my work heavily outweighs any of those annoying elements who grouse and heckle and dodge about like Tammany Hall hucksters at the idea of their favourite characters growing up.\n\nI think it's important to remember to reach out and tell all your favourite NSFW content creators how much you love their work because they often face a lot more abuse than their SFW counterparts. Remember comments and kudos are free!\n\nBut enough about that.\n\nSo, where am I going from here? Well, I'll still be doing small scale UTDR works with some regularity. However, I'll probably wait until the release of Chapter 3/4 before going on my next grand adventure in this universe. Both because I need a bit of a break and also because I got lucky that Toby didn't ruin any of my worldbuilding with his nefarious canon. But one day I hope to return with a Ralsei/Susie mech anime post-apocalyptic adventure.\n\nIn the meantime, my next long form fic is going to be an original historical piece about a samurai who comes to the United States in 1863 to avenge his father. It's going to have swords and fights and an unreliable narrator who tells the story as if it were an Edo Period epic. If any of those things appeal to you then stay tuned!\n\nSo, yeah, uh Doe is over...\n\nA special thanks to all of my friends who have kept me sane through writing this. A special thanks to my lovely partner for being there. A special thanks to Deceased Bunny for creating the cover art. And a special thanks to the fans for reading.\n\nNow more than ever, please leave your comments. Especially any comments with questions about the story so I can answer them!\n\nAnd join my Discord while you're at it!\n\nPeace.\n\n", "writing_bbcode_parsed": "Noelle took a sip of tea, cradling her forehead within one of her hands. Her eyes drifted towards the oven, seeing that the clock on it read a little past three in the morning.

She should've been asleep; she should've been asleep a long time ago. Tomorrow was going to be the big day, a huge day in fact, the kind of day that she wanted to be alert for.

But she couldn't sleep no matter how hard she tried.

No, the torrent of unkind thoughts wouldn't allow her to. They barely even allowed her to close her eyes before they started screaming, hollering, beseeching her with invented outcomes, each even nastier than the last.

She was young, she could survive an all-nighter.

Her phone suddenly pinged and she glanced towards it.

BirdFemboi69: ``Hey, what are you doing up?''

Noelle lifted a tired brow.

DragonBlazer4Life: ``Why is that your Steam name?''

BirdFemboi69: ``Look...''

DragonBlazer4Life: ``Oh no.''

BirdFemboi69: ``So, I know you told me to chill since my last break up but...''

DragonBlazer4Life: ``Zelda...''

BirdFemboi69: ``There was a Discord mod and look... I'm just reclaiming the word.''

DragonBlazer4Life: ``Doesn't a word need to be a slur in the first place in order for you to reclaim it?''

BirdFemboi69: ``Noelle, surely you've heard the discourse.''

Noelle certainly had not heard of the discourse. Actually, hearing that there was discourse made her even more hesitant to approach the topic with a twenty-foot pole.

DragonBlazer4Life: ``What are you doing awake at this hour?''

BirdFemboi69: ``Gaming? What about you?''

DragonBlazer4Life: ``Having trouble sleeping.''

Noelle took another sip of tea, closing her eyes. She felt so tired that she could've nodded off. She really should've nodded off. Yet, the very second that she closed her eyes, those destructive thoughts swarmed her grey matter like a cloud of locust. Each was ready to devour any happy thoughts that she may have possibly had.

Another ping.

Birdfemboi69: ``Would you like to talk about it?''

DragonBlazer4Life: ``My mom is in town and wants to get lunch. I think that she's getting ready to pull some stuff because I displeased her.''

BirdFemboi69: ``Ah...

BirdFemboi69: ``Or maybe she just wants to talk.''

Noelle scoffed. When had Zelda learned to think like that? Maybe she was more of an optimist than Noelle gave her credit for.

DragonBlazer4Life: ``That isn't really how my mom operates. She's a control freak. If I had to guess, she's probably going to pull any financial aid that she's been giving me unless I get back into majoring in political science.''

BirdFemboi69: ``Are you going to be okay?''

Okay was achievable but it wasn't going to be pleasant. Carol's stipend made up about forty percent of Noelle's income at this point, paying for her courses and helping to cover her portion of the rent. Without that, it would be a lot harder to do both. She'd probably have to pick up more hours at the diner and that wasn't a fun thing to contend with.

DragonBlazer4Life: ``Maybe.''

BirdFemboi69: ``Personally, I think that you'll be fine.''

DragonBlazer4Life: ``Oh?''

BirdFemboi69: ``Like... I don't know. This is going to sound weird but I feel like you've come a long way since you started doing stuff with Kris and Susie.''

Noelle smirked and brushed a finger along her collar, feeling the firm material of it. It was a comforting presence, warm against her skin. Though more importantly, it wasn't something she would've been so bold to wear even a few months prior. It felt like the symbol in gauging how far she'd come in recent months.

DragonBlazer4Life: ``Thanks Zelda.''

BirdFemboi69: ``Of course, Noelle. I personally think that you've got this. If your mom decides to be a total B then you can tell her where to shove it. And I know that Kris and Susie will have your back no matter what!''

DragonBlazer4Life: ``You really think so?''

BirdFemboi69: ``I know so. Now, I have some gaming to get back to. And you should really get some sleep.''

Noelle yawned.

She really should.

[hr]

Five hours of sleep was better than no hours of sleep.

That's what Noelle tried to tell herself as she stared down at the cup of coffee in front of her. It certainly didn't feel like it. Honestly, it felt like she had somehow gotten negative sleep, feeling more exhausted than when she'd gone to bed.

She grabbed the mug of coffee in front of her and took a sip from it, feeling some of the warmth filter into her exhausted grey matter. It wasn't much but it was something at the very least.

``Breakfast smells nice,'' Kris chimed in.

Noelle sniffed the air, picking up on the delicious combination of veggies, eggs, and cheese which was wafting towards her from the kitchen. She saw that Susie was at the stove, tossing the ingredients within a sizzling frying pan.

``Smells good,'' Noelle murmured in agreement.

Susie whistled. ``Are you okay, little doe?''

``Tired,'' Noelle grumbled, trying desperately to rub the sleep out of her eyes. ``Just... didn't sleep well.''

``Need an energy drink?'' Kris asked.

Noelle scrunched her nose and stuck out her tongue in disgust. That didn't sound like a very good idea by any stretch of the imagination. At this point, it likely wouldn't help her feel more awake and would probably only give her jitters.

``Are you sure that you're going to be up for lunch?'' Susie asked. There was a note of concern in her voice. No, it was more than just a mere note, being the overwhelming totality of her tone. ``We can always cancel if you...''

There it was.

Noelle sighed. ``Mom busted her ass coming out here. I'm not going to cancel on her at the last minute.'' She yawned. ``She's offering me an olive branch and I need to hear her out at the very least.''

``It could be...'' Kris began but promptly shut up, clearly thinking better of it as they instead looked down at the energy drink in their hands.

It could be a trap.

It seemed that the great minds of this apartment thought alike. The idea had come to Noelle. No, it more than just came to Noelle. She understood the possibility well, imagining all the ways that Carol could spring something on her.

After all, her mind had been fixated on the idea for the last few days, playing out every terrible possibility as if it were actually going to happen. Hell, every moment of her life just kind of reinforced the idea, knowing Carol so very well and her prior controlling tactics.

But when it came down to it, she could've also done something like that from the comfort of her own home, over the phone. She had just as much access to her strings back there as she did out here.

``I'm okay enough to do this,'' Noelle said, offering Kris and then Susie her best attempt at a smile. It was tired but sincere enough to make them both look away, nodding with a reluctant form of acceptance.

``I think we need to get you a new collar,'' Kris said.

Noelle perked up. ``Wait, why?''

``Your current one is getting a little worn out,'' Kris commented, tracing their own throat in a spot where the collar would've rested if it was on them instead. ``Even leather can tarnish with enough use. And Angel knows you've been using that one a lot.''

``But I like my collar,'' Noelle replied, reaching up and feeling the material. It was textured and had a certain character to it with a roughness that seemed to come with age. The stitches were also a little frayed, the threads poking out. ``But maybe you're right.''

``You can always keep the old one as a memento or something,'' Susie added. She pulled the pan off of the stove and took a step to the side, dishing up the meal onto three plates. ``Plus, it'll give us an excuse to spoil you.''

``Like we really need one,'' Kris teased, winking across the table at Noelle.

Noelle grinned and couldn't help but enjoy the compliment. It also helped her feel a little more there, pulling her back to the moment. It even seemed to breach through the smothering blanket of her growing exhaustion as she felt just a little more alert.

She got up from her seat and approached the kitchen nook, grabbing all three plates and bringing them over to the table. One plate went before each of the seats with her settling down in front of the final one, grabbing her fork and knife.

It smelled good and she couldn't help but spear a potato with her fork, quickly taking a bite. Sure, she burned her mouth in the process but she was honestly too tired to care.

Noelle's phone buzzed and she glanced down at it.

Toriel: ``Kris told me that you're having lunch with Carol today. Just wanted to let you know that I'm here if you need to talk.''

Noelle offered a warm smile and drafted a quick response.

Noelle: ``Thanks, I'll keep that in mind.''

``You know we've been doing this for awhile now,'' Kris said, motioning towards Noelle with their fork. ``A whole school year at this point.''

Susie smirked. ``It felt way longer than that.''

Noelle nodded and absently reached up in order to toy with the ring on her collar. It felt nice but she could also feel how the metal was beginning to tarnish, the stainless steel marked with many little imperfections.

Maybe, they were right. Maybe, it was time for an upgrade.

``It's really helped me,'' Noelle said. ``As funny as that sounds.''

Susie looked at her and lifted a brow.

``I don't know how to describe it but since we started doing this sort of stuff, I've gotten way more confident,'' Noelle started to explain, pausing to take another bite of her breakfast. ``Feels like learning to have control over my sex life taught me how to take control over the rest of my life.''

``I know what you mean,'' Kris said.

Noelle lifted a brow. ``You do?''

``After I got rid of that little red parasite,'' Kris stated, brushing their bangs out of their purple eyes. ``I struggled to find out who I really was. And it was through having sex with Catti that I kind of started to piece together what I want to do with myself.'' They shrugged. ``Something about it was cleansing... healing maybe?''

Noelle then looked at Susie.

Susie smirked back at her. ``Sorry, I can't relate. Unfortunately, unlike you two, I'm actually normal.''

Kris stuck out their tongue at her.

``I guess I just appreciate you two doing this for me,'' Noelle said, sighing. ``I don't know if I would be in this position right now if you two hadn't given me the means to figure out what I wanted to do with myself.''

Kris smiled. ``You're very welcome.''

Susie was in the middle of taking a bite of food. So, she instead reached out and squeezed Noelle's free hand with her own.

Noelle?s phone buzzed twice more in quick succession.

Asgore: ``Best of luck today, we're here for you.''

Rudy: ``You'll always be my special girl. Don't let Carol get under your skin. Trust me... her bark is way worse than her bite :P''

Noelle snickered and pulled her hand away from Susie in order to shoot back two quick responses.

``Did you tell everyone about this?'' Noelle asked, offering a sly smile as she glanced between her Dommes.

Susie scoffed. ``I didn't tell anyone.''

Noelle then looked at Kris.

``What? I told them that I was getting lunch with Carol,'' Kris explained, shrugging. ``They all wanted to know if I had suffered some sort of medical crisis that pushed me to the brink. So, I had to tell them what was going on.''

Noelle snickered. ``Fair enough.''

``So, any ideas for a new collar?'' Kris asked, pointing at Noelle with their fork.

Noelle hummed. She speared another potato and casually ate it, using her time spent chewing as an excuse not to respond. Though considering how good they were, it was a pretty good excuse.

``I like the ring on this one and I like the material. Maybe we can go with a new colour though?'' Noelle finally stated before nodding assuredly. ``And I want spikes on my new collar!''

Kris grinned. ``Spikes are cool as fuck.''

Noelle's phone buzzed yet again.

Susie smirked. ``Popular.''

Catti: ``Kris ratted.''

Buzz.

Catti: ``Good luck.''

A part of Noelle was a little peeved at being interrupted. Though a far larger part of her was honestly a little touched that people were reaching out over something like this.

Between work and school, it became easy to forget how many people cared about her. It would seem that her family was rather large at this point. And the larger her family was, the less scary the threat of Carol became.

``I kind of like the idea of spikes,'' Susie commented, pulling Noelle back to their current discussion. ``I think that my pet should look as fierce as her owner.''

Noelle grinned. ``Hell yeah.''

[hr]

Noelle sighed as the leather left her throat, feeling oddly naked without it. Which was strange as she was dressed up more than usual, wearing business casual attire. This was made up of a nice blouse and a lovely pencil skirt. It felt like she was dressed for a job interview and not lunch with her own freaking mother.

She watched as Kris placed it within a box that they kept by the door, carefully closing the lid and patting the top of it with their hand.

``It'll be there when we get back,'' they said.

Susie and them were also dressed up far more professionally than usual. For Susie, this involved khaki pants and a buttoned-up checkered shirt which she looked very uncomfortable wearing. Meanwhile, Kris wore a pair of jeans and a nice sports jacket.

None of the parties present seemed particularly thrilled about this. But they all knew Carol and they all knew her standards.

``Everybody ready?'' Susie asked, scanning through her phone. ``Looks like the subways are on time today.''

``A rarity,'' Kris teased.

Noelle nodded and clutched her purse tightly to her side. ``As ready as I'll ever be.''

Though as if on cue, her phone chimed from within her bag. She opened it and reached inside. The thing had been going off the hook all day.

``Popular doe,'' Kris teased, playfully bumping into her.

Noelle smirked and unlocked it.

Asriel: ``Hope the talk with your mom goes well. I know that Dess would be proud of you for standing up to her. If you need anything, I'm free all day. Chara and Frisk also send their regards.''

``Who is it?'' Kris asked.

Noelle looked up. ``Your brother.''

She quickly slid her finger across the screen, drafting a reply.

Noelle: ``Thanks Azzy, that means a lot coming from you. It's weird... I kind of feel her too.''

At least, that was what Noelle was attributing that warmth in her stomach too. That lit bit of rebellious spirit which wasn't just ready to face her mother but was actually kind of craving it, wishing for this meeting like it was the forerunner to some grand battle between titans.

It might've been one of a hundred things but thinking of it as a little bit of Dess lingering around just felt so very right. Maybe somewhere out there, wherever monsters went when their time was done, Dess was shouting from the sidelines.

``Noelle,'' Susie said, whistling sharply.

Noelle stirred and slipped the phone back into her purse. She offered a sheepish smile as she looked between her partners. ``Sorry, sorry, I'm ready to go.''

[hr]

Noelle wondered if fate was on her side. It felt like an odd thing to fixate on but she had this nagging sensation that something wanted her to have this talk. And that something was going to make sure that she was comfortable and provided for.

Maybe this was simply the exhaustion starting to catch up with her, giving her some sort of false confidence.

But what else was she supposed to think when there were three seats free on the subway, all in close proximity to one another. Her polycule never got to sit together on the train.

Kris offered their hand and Noelle gripped it, giving it a comforting squeeze.

``Ready for this?'' they asked.

Noelle glanced up and nodded. ``Tired but I'll manage.''

``Angel above, when was the last time that I actually saw your mom,'' Susie commented, shaking her head. ``Was it really...'' She whistled. ``I think it was.''

Dess' Funeral.

Noelle frowned but nodded. ``Probably.''

Her phone buzzed and she lifted a brow. Then it went off a few more times in quick succession. Each of these messages played a slightly different ringtone. An oddity that she had never experienced before.

She assumed that she had already received messages from all the people that she knew.

Kris shook their head. ``How many people do you know?''

``I don't...'' Noelle began.

She reached into her purse and pulled out her phone, seeing a cascade of weird messages. Honestly, they felt like spam and she likely would've clocked them as such if it wasn't for the fact that she saw the word `Queen' in one of them.

So, she started to read.

 ``Hello dearest Noelle, I heard that you're going on quite the adventure today. I'd wish you the best of luck but my calculations state that you don't require something like that. Shatter a femur for me! - Queen''

``Best of luck! - Swatch''

``I cannot wait to see what tales you tell once this foe is vanquished! - Spear Shaker''

``Don't worry, if this meeting goes poorly, I have her bank account information :3 - Tasque''

Noelle frowned. Not the direction she would've...

``You'll always have a home amongst me and my subjects, Noelle. Best of luck and I cannot wait to see you and your family again - Ralsei

P.S. Call Susie a nerd for me!''

Noelle snickered.

Susie peered over the seat and looked down at her phone, huffing at what she saw. ``That little shit!''

[hr]

The restaurant was just on the edge of downtown, in that area where skyscrapers gave way to structures which were a little shorter in stature. It stuck out as being the only building around that was a single story tall.

It was named `Jalapeno' with a neon pepper as its mascot. As it was broad daylight, it remained motionless, offering a stagnant but large thumbs up. Though when it was later in the day, it would repeatedly wink over and over again.

This wasn't traditional, not by any stretch of the definition. But the food was good and she knew that Kris and Susie also enjoyed it. Plus, it was one of the few Mexican places that actually had a really nice vegetarian menu.

Noelle stood outside, clutching her bag. Every step from the station was hard with her legs feeling more and more like jelly as she approached the restaurant. Her body seemed to be weighed down with lead, making it so hard to keep steady.

A part of her wanted to turn tail and run.

But she knew that this was impossible. There was no blowing it off from here. She'd left the safety of her home and the comfort of her neighbourhood. Hell, she had even abandoned the familiarity of her collar. There was nothing to support her until after she was done with this.

Susie placed a hand upon her shoulder, gently grasping it. ``You okay, babe?''

Noelle drew in a breath and let it out slowly. ``I...'' Every part of her wanted to scream that she wasn't. This part of her wanted to cry and throw a hissy fit. But in the end, she sighed with the weight of a thousand little lies. ``I'm good.''

Another white lie and one that both of her partners picked up on easily enough.

Susie frowned.

Kris came up alongside her and grabbed her hand, giving it a comforting squeeze.

This was the very real proof that she hadn't left everything which gave her comfort behind. Her partners were still very much there, waiting in the wings. And they would be there with her throughout all of this, no matter if it did or didn't go poorly.

``Come on, let's not keep my mom waiting,'' Noelle finally said.

Kris nodded and drew away, letting go of her hand. They grabbed the door and held it open, gesturing for the other two to go inside first.

``What a gentleman,'' Noelle teased.

Kris smirked, winking at her. ``I have my moments.''

The restaurant wasn't anything special in terms of the downtown scene. It fit that kind of darkish sports bar vibe that every chain restaurant had gone for over the last decade or so. There was very little brightness or colour and it seemed to have this sense of style that reeked of Ikea... or at least the restaurant equivalent.

The staff also wore all black, making it look trendy instead of unique.

``Hey there, do you have a reservation?'' the host asked. She was an alligator monster who very well could've been a distant cousin of Susie's.

Noelle forced a smile. ``Table of five for Carol Blizzard?''

The host scanned through the list of names, tapping her sharpie against the sheet over and over again. Until she finally found it, nodding as she made an affirmative little noise.

``Follow me,'' she said, grabbing three menus.

Reluctantly, Noelle followed with her partners waiting in the wings. The restaurant wasn't overly large but it still felt downright mammoth to overcome. A part of her hoped that it would be ceaseless, that they would never reach her and instead be stuck in some sort of Tex Mex-themed Backrooms which kept them away from Carol's impending scorn.

In reality, time was simply running slow in Noelle's stressed and tired brain. But time still moved and soon enough they were at the table.

And almost immediately Noelle was on the backfoot.

There was her mother, smiling as she chatted with her companion. Which was odd as her mother never smiled. Just like her mother would never be caught dead wearing a basketball jersey, especially one for the Homecity Sports Ballers.

Yet, here she was, not only smiling but also wearing a jersey that was just a little too big for a woman of her stature.

Why was... what was...

Oh no... something terrible was afoot.

``Mom?'' Noelle asked.

Carol perked up and her smile became a little more strained, just a smidge tense in nature. ``Hello, Noelle, dear, you uh... you look well.'' She then looked at Kris and Susie. ``It's nice to see you two as well. How have you been?''

``Good,'' Susie said, pulling out a chair and taking a seat. That would be all the answer that Carol would get out of her.

Kris shrugged and also took a seat. ``Keeping my head above water in art school.'' They smiled as they tilted their chin towards Noelle. ``Excited to have Noelle joining me.''

Carol nodded. If she was angered by this statement, it was impossible to tell. The woman always had an ability for masking her emotions. It came with being a natural born politician. Or at least, that's what she claimed.

Lowkey, Noelle kind of doubted that she actually felt any emotions in the first place.

Noelle took a seat. ``A little tired but aside from that fine.''

She glanced at the seat next to Carol's, seeing a woefully familiar midlife crisis sitting right next to her. Anthony's smile was far more strained than Carol's and he obviously wasn't used to the less than enthusiastic attention aimed towards him. He was also wearing a jersey for the Homecity Sports Ballers.

``Interesting choice of fashion,'' Noelle quipped.

Carol hummed and then looked down at her jersey, perking up. ``Oh uh... I thought that I'd kill two birds with one stone. Anthony really wanted to see a game, since he hasn't been to the city in awhile.''

``Didn't take you for a basketball fan,'' Susie chided.

``Neither did I,'' Carol said, shrugging. ``But it was a lot of fun even if I didn't understand how any of it worked.'' She smirked as she winked at her daughter. ``It was very working class and you know that I am a huge fan of seeming approachable to the working class.''

She then picked up a chip from a basket in the middle of the table and dipped it into a communal dish, biting into it soon after.

``Have you tried this stuff?'' Carol asked, pointing down at it as she chewed. ``It's a little spicy but still pretty tasty.'' She glanced at Anthony. ``What's it called again?''

Anthony blinked. ``Uh... Guacamole?''

Noelle wanted to laugh. She really really wanted to. How was her mother this out of touch? Like she knew that she was from a small town but she swore that they at least sold avocados at the grocery store.

``Thanks for coming out by the way,'' Carol said.

Noelle nodded. ``I wasn't going to say no to my own mother.'' She frowned. ``Or at least, I wasn't going to say no to...''

Carol suddenly looked quite dark as glanced off to the side.

And just like that any progress that had been made in getting rid of the oppressive atmosphere had been undone as it slammed back into the moment at full force. That smothering anxiety was like a weighted blanket which started to mess with her thoughts.

``Hey, do I know you?,'' Kris commented, snapping their fingers as they looked at Anthony. ``I swear that I've seen you on campus before.''

Anthony blinked and looked Kris over, sizing them up. Then it clicked as realization flashed in his eyes. ``Wait... I recognize you from...'' He also snapped his fingers together as well, flashing a bright smile. ``You were at Jack's party last year.''

``Yeah, I was,'' Kris said, grinning right back at him. ``You were one of the guys who held my legs during the keg stand. Then we...''

Kris suddenly looked quite dark.

Anthony also went pale as neither of them said a word.

Carol looked absolutely mortified by the discussion. Was it because she couldn't imagine that Anthony was the kind of guy to do keg stands? Or was she ashamed that she was currently dating someone who was within the age range of helping her daughter's partner do keg stands in the first place? It was a question that would likely never get answered.

A waitress suddenly came over with an electronic pad. ``Has everyone had a chance to read the menu?''

Noelle hadn't but she knew what she wanted anyways. This was joined by the rest of the table as one after another they gave their orders. Until finally, the waitress reached Carol.

``I'd like a glass of the house red and also an order of...'' She looked at the menu, scanning the various food items. There was a certain helplessness in her eyes as she looked helplessly up at Noelle. ``I'll have what my daughter's having but please don't make it too spicy.''

The waitress gave a knowing smile but jotted this down. ``Of course.''

She took the menus and left, returning the table to its truly awkward fate.

``So, why are we here?'' Susie asked, clearly just as done with this awkwardness as literally everyone else.

Carol nodded and worked her jaw, nervously rubbing her hands together. ``I...'' She drew in a breath and sighed. ``I wanted to apologize to you, Noelle.''

Noelle sucked in a breath. ``What?''

Kris looked shaken. Susie was more stable but looked at least taken back enough to grow tense, glancing warily at Carol.

Anthony chuckled. ``Why is that so shocking? Has she never done that...''

Carol placed her hand over his and he then nodded, getting this knowing little look as he sunk back into his seat.

``Oh,'' he whispered.

Carol drew in another breath. ``When you came to me back in Hometown you caught me at a compromising moment. I felt needlessly defensive and ambushed and took out my feelings on you when you brought up the news in terms of changing your major.'' She worked her jaw. ``I won't lie and say that I wasn't a little disappointed but I also should've listened to you better.'' She frowned. ``The cons of being caught in that sort of position in the first place.''

Noelle flushed, realizing that maybe Carol had a point. She had literally caught her mother in a bathrobe with her new boytoy. That was probably something that neither of them had really enjoyed experiencing.

``And I talked with your father,'' Carol continued. ``And while we might not be married any longer, I do still enjoy his counsel on subjects like these. He told me how much you'd been agonizing over the idea of having to tell me and I...'' She shook her head. ``I don't want to be a person that you agonize over having to speak too.''

``Mom...'' Noelle tried.

Carol lifted a hand. ``Sorry, I... please let me finish before my courage flees.''

Noelle nodded and gestured towards her, beaconing for her to go on.

``I am a woman who fixates on control,'' Carol explained, still rubbing her hands together. ``I am someone who thrives over having everything planned out and going according to said plan. But as I've grown older, especially in recent years, I've begun to realize that my desire for control can also be a curse. I realized that in an effort to keep within my own comfort zone, I was pushing away the people that I love. And...''

Anthony reached out and Carol grabbed his hand, squeezing it. At that moment, Noelle realized that maybe he wasn't just a toy. He might've actually been something more than that. He was someone that her mother enjoyed the company of. Sure, that didn't make the age gap entirely understandable but it was nice to know that it wasn't just his youth that she was after.

``I began to realize that maybe if I got better at surrendering control than the people in my life would still be around me. Maybe if I listened to Dess and didn't push back so often then she might still be alive. Maybe if I took vacations, like Rudy asked, then I'd still be married to him. And maybe... just maybe... if I get better at trying not to make you another me, then maybe my daughter will still be a part of my life.''

Noelle felt this guilty little tension in her stomach. It was toxic, making her belly ache.

``I can try and control you as much as I'd like,'' Carol said, shaking her head. ``But what's the point if you just fly free like everyone else once you no longer require my assistance.'' She sniffled, shaking her head. ``So, I wanted to apologize to you for making myself so unapproachable over the years. And I wanted to apologize for every time I made you feel like you weren't good enough for me. I... I know that it might be too little too late but I'd really like you to still be a part of my life.''

Noelle nodded and looked down at her hands. The apology was sincere, there was no two ways about it.  

She glanced to her left and then to her right, trying to gauge how Kris and Susie were taking it. Kris flinched away from her eye while Susie looked down at her own hands, impossible to read. They were there for her but they would not make this decision for her.

``I...'' Noelle opened mouth.

The waitress suddenly came by and everyone tensed, waiting for her to put down their drinks. She seemed utterly oblivious to the moment taking place between them.

Once she was gone, Noelle let out a breath that she hadn't realized she'd been holding. ``I appreciate the apology.''

Carol nodded.

``But one apology isn't going to make up for everything that's happened between us,'' Noelle explained, biting her lip. There was so much pain there, so many spoiled memories. It took a lot to bury them. Maybe more than Noelle honestly possessed. ``That being said, it's a good start and...'' She reached across the table and touched her mother's hand. ``If you're sincere about wanting to change then...'' She nodded to herself. ``I'd... I'd really love to try and get to know you better.''

Carol nodded right on back, accepting this answer. She then snapped up her wine and took a very generous sip from it. Hell, she nearly downed the entire glass in one pull.

``See, told you that you had nothing to worry about,'' Anthony teased.

Noelle blinked. Wait had her mother been... had she also been a nervous wreck about this too?

``Barely slept a wink last night,'' Carol grumbled.

Noelle snickered. ``Guess that's inherited.''

Carol nodded and then gestured towards her daughter. ``So, tell me about some of the stories that you're working on.''

Noelle smirked. ``Well...''

[hr]

By the time that the food arrived, things were much better. That tense weight in Noelle's stomach had faded a little and she no longer felt like she was going to throw up.

Which was probably for the best as the food looked and smelled absolutely delicious, making up for the unoriginal ambience of the place.

``So, you're telling me that there's a whole community of people who trespass onto abandoned properties and explore them?'' Carol asked.

Susie nodded and flashed a great big toothy smile. ``Yeah.''

``Isn't that dangerous?'' Carol then added.

Susie's smile only grew. ``Very.''

Carol paused at this response, nodding to herself.

``I can see why you like this one so much,'' she finally said, looking at her daughter. ``Your father was just like this growing up.'' She sighed and shook her head. ``I still remember when he used to be part of a gang.''

Noelle gasped. ``He was part of a gang?''

``Okay `gang' might be a strong word,'' Carol commented, gesturing vaguely with her hand. ``It was more like a collection of five troublemakers who all owned motorcycles and had a liberal interpretation of what the speed limit was.''

She looked at her meal, perplexed by what she saw. It was a burrito with a side of fries. The helplessness in her eyes only grew as she watched Noelle pick it up with her bare hands and take a great big bite from it. It was impossible not to feel better at the taste of liberally seasoned sweet potato.

Clearly, Carol had not been expecting something like this as she tried to grab it herself. Though Noelle could see the conflict taking place in her eyes as she practically recoiled away from it and instead looked over at Anthony, seeming totally helpless.

Anthony chuckled and grabbed a roll of cutlery from a communal basket on the table, sliding it over to her.

It felt wrong to cut into a burrito with a fork and knife but Noelle accepted that her mom wasn't just going to change overnight.

Still, Carols' face brightened as she popped a bite of the burrito into her mouth. ``Oh wow, that's... that's so flavourful.'' She chewed on it for a bit, savouring it before finally swallowing. ``An amazing suggestion, dear.''

``Thanks,'' Noelle replied, offering a faint smile.

``Do you three come here often?'' Carol asked.

Kris tilted their head from side to side. ``Yeah, a couple times a year. It's Noelle's favourite place to go whenever we have something to celebrate.''

``You know, Dreemurr,'' Carol started, wagging her knife at them. ``I used to think that you were a bit of a troublemaker.''

Kris grinned. ``Awww... what do you mean, `used to'?''

Carol chuckled. ``Fair point.'' She started to cut into another bite of her dish. ``But you and Susie have been really good to my daughter. So, thank you both for taking care of her while she's been in the city.''

Susie blushed at that, looking off to the side.

Kris' grin also slipped, falling to something a little more sincere. ``Thanks, Miss Blizzard.''

``Please, you can call me Carol,'' Carol replied. She then motioned with her knife, using the tip of it to gesture between Kris and Noelle. ``You know... I have an idea.''

``What's that?'' Noelle asked.

Carol shrugged. ``If Kris can draw and you can write, why don't you two work on a comic together. I hear those are all the rage these days.''

Noelle didn't know if they were all the rage but it seemed that her mother was sincere with the idea at the very least. So, she let it slide.

``That's actually a really cool idea,'' Noelle said as she glanced at Kris.

Kris smirked. ``Something to look into when I'm finally done with school.''

Carol nodded but then perked right up, looking at Noelle. ``You know, I'm back in town in a couple of weeks for a meeting. I was wondering if you'd maybe like to get lunch at that time?'' She lifted a hand. ``No pressure, of course, I know it's a little last...''

``Gladly,'' Noelle cut-in, offering a smile.

Carol looked at her, judging that smile. In the end, she folded her hands together upon the table. ``I'll forward you the details.''

Noelle nodded and took another bite of her food.

Maybe, just maybe, things were going to be okay.

[hr]

``Well, that's surprising,'' Kris said as they strolled into their apartment. They immediately made their way over to the couch and faceplanted upon it. ``Didn't think in a million years that it was going to go like that.''

``Tell me about it,'' Noelle said, dropping her purse onto the floor.

Susie came in and locked the door behind them. ``Think that she's telling the truth?''

Noelle worked her jaw, thinking about, really thinking about it. The woman had not only seemed sincere but also more vulnerable than Noelle had seen her before. If that wasn't the truth then Carol was far colder than she knew.

``Either she's telling the truth or I never want to play poker with her,'' Kris commented.

Noelle stood next to the ornate box in the entryway, glancing at Susie. She tried not to seem expectant but it was hard.

Susie looked at her and then at it, clearly picking up on what she wanted. She made her way over and placed a hand upon Noelle's back, rubbing at it. While doing so, she flipped open the box and retrieved a familiar garment from inside.

``I'm starting to think that you're a bit of a freak,'' she teased.

Noelle snickered.

``Only a bit!'' Kris called from the couch. ``I'm starting to think that Noelle's more of a freak than us.''

``That's not true!'' Noelle yelped.

Kris snickered. ``Don't lie. We both know it's true.''

Noelle huffed. She would admit no such thing.

Susie rolled her eyes and carefully eased the collar around Noelle's throat, latching it shut in the back.

At this point, she didn't even need to wedge a finger between the material and her coat. They both knew that it was going to be perfect. After all, that specific rung on the collar was so worn from use that it was impossible to miss.

The ceremony was short but just enough to symbolize the importance of it. Once finished, Susie then shifted her hand upwards. She petted the top of her little doe's head, rubbing at the spot between her antlers.

``How you feeling, little doe?'' Susie asked.

Noelle smirked. ``Good.''

And that was the truth. She felt good, really good. Every terrible theory she had was a lie, a fib, so far removed from what actually happened today. It felt impossible but her mother had actually come around to seeing things from her perspective in the end.

That felt impossible. Honestly, she had to pinch herself to be assured that this wasn't some sort of sick dream that she was yet to wake up from.

``What do you want to do today?'' Susie asked.

Noelle yawned. ``Chill and take a nice long nap.''

``I love chilling and napping!'' Kris called from the couch, their voice muffled by the cushion.

Noelle made her way over to the living room, settling down within their apartment's loveseat. She absently reached for her Kindle, brushing through her catalogue until she found a story that she actually wanted to read.

Before opening it, however, she looked at Kris and then glanced at Susie. Simply having them there made her feel so much better.  

Honestly, there was nothing she wanted more as she started on her next story.

[hr]

When I started this project, I never imagined that I would get this far. Prior to Doe, my longest stories were maybe four or five chapters long with many false starts and hiatused projects predating this fic over the course of 2019-21. But not only did I reach the end of this quarter of a million-word epic, I also collaborated on and finished a second fic of comparable length in that time.

So, it's nice to reach the end of Doe and realize that I am capable of not only writing something like this but also capable of keeping people's interest throughout the entire thing.

You might be wondering why I chose to write a story like Doe in the first place. After all, there aren't many stories out there which are this weird hybrid of being both porn and also something more serious.

On a personal level, I love BDSM and am a massive kinkster. Shocking, I know. But stories featuring it always appealed to me.

My big inspirations for this project were of course Sunstone which I kind of hold as the gold standard of weaving together erotica and serious narratives. That and another webcomic called I Roved Out in Search of Truth and Love. There was also a MLP fic called Moonstone (jee I wonder where its inspiration came from) by an author named Loyal. And like those stories, I wanted to tell a tale that was one part erotica, one-part serious character drama, and one part sex ed for people who are just coming to understand kink and their sexuality.

If I managed something like that well, I will leave it up to you.

Prior to Doe I was working on two fics which were going to play with a similar concept. One that has been sadly haitused and another that made it to chapter two but was never published. The prior was an original erotica called `Wanna Film a Porno?' which was about two lesbians navigating transitioning and OnlyFans during the height of COVID. The later was a erotic-comedy Batman fic where Bruce learns BDSM in order to infiltrate a supervillain play party.

Sadly, both of these fics died in late 2021 when I played Undertale for the first time and then Deltarune days later. I was extremely late to the fandom but I hit the ground running. As I write this, the UTDR fandom is about to become my most prolific fandom in terms of raw word count.

I know the ending to this story isn't a grand battle against some evil foe like some of my more SFW friends might write about. Hell, when I started this fic, I didn't really know what the ending would even look like. I just kind of figured that this story would go on and on until I grew bored and eventually abandoned it. This fic taught me how to structure stories but that structuring didn't start until chapter ten. That being said, the goal for this fic was to portray growing up and transitioning from your college years into adulthood. And that's what I wanted to show. I wanted to present people with a Noelle who was growing up, gaining both confidence and an ability to exert her ambitions. Which is where the central conflict with Carol came from.

I also projected onto her a lot early on, foolishly thinking that I was a Noelle kinnie. It turns out that I was not a Noelle kinnie and thus was stuck with a character that screamed self-insert but wasn't actually one.

Curse you Stephen King for making all your protags authors.

I owe a lot to this fic. I made a lot of great friends via it and I managed to grow a pretty nice community of like minded readers, writers, artists, and friends. It allowed me to stay sane in a fandom which is overwhelmingly dominated by more reactionary voices when it comes to the topic of sexuality. And I mean, I must've done something right in order to earn myself more than 50k hits on AO3 (along with tens of thousands more on my other sites), giving me one of the most read fics in the fandom. An honour which I constantly let go to my head.

Sure, I was also subjected to unwanted attention but there will always be a few bad apples. It just so happens that UTDR has a higher ratio of them than a lot of my other fandoms. I'd be remiss not to say that the hatedom around my work was definitely a negative... but, in the end, I think the good that came because of my work heavily outweighs any of those annoying elements who grouse and heckle and dodge about like Tammany Hall hucksters at the idea of their favourite characters growing up.

I think it's important to remember to reach out and tell all your favourite NSFW content creators how much you love their work because they often face a lot more abuse than their SFW counterparts. Remember comments and kudos are free!

But enough about that.

So, where am I going from here? Well, I'll still be doing small scale UTDR works with some regularity. However, I'll probably wait until the release of Chapter 3/4 before going on my next grand adventure in this universe. Both because I need a bit of a break and also because I got lucky that Toby didn't ruin any of my worldbuilding with his nefarious canon. But one day I hope to return with a Ralsei/Susie mech anime post-apocalyptic adventure.

In the meantime, my next long form fic is going to be an original historical piece about a samurai who comes to the United States in 1863 to avenge his father. It's going to have swords and fights and an unreliable narrator who tells the story as if it were an Edo Period epic. If any of those things appeal to you then stay tuned!

So, yeah, uh Doe is over...

A special thanks to all of my friends who have kept me sane through writing this. A special thanks to my lovely partner for being there. A special thanks to Deceased Bunny for creating the cover art. And a special thanks to the fans for reading.

Now more than ever, please leave your comments. Especially any comments with questions about the story so I can answer them!

And join my Discord while you're at it!

Peace.

", "pools_count": 1, "title": "Doe in the Middle - Chapter Thirty (Finale)", "deleted": "f", "public": "t", "mimetype": "application/msword", "pagecount": "1", "rating_id": "2", "rating_name": "Adult", "ratings": [ { "content_tag_id": "4", "name": "Sexual Themes", "description": "Erotic imagery, sexual activity or arousal", "rating_id": "2" } ], "submission_type_id": "12", "type_name": "Writing - Document", "guest_block": "f", "friends_only": "f", "comments_count": "2", "views": "205" }