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Months actually. I decided \"Fuck it\", and here it is. The first chapter of an ironic fanfiction.", "description_bbcode_parsed": "Been wondering for a while if I should post this. Months actually. I decided "Fuck it", and here it is. The first chapter of an ironic fanfiction.", "writing": "\"Indoor plumbing. It's gonna be big.\"\n-Jesus \"Goddamn\" Christ\n\nChapter 1 - Confinement\n\tThe story began as all stories do: with a teenager suffering from food poisoning and his younger sister drinking her own weight in Diet Coke, the drink that's the exact same coming out as it was going in. Perhaps, it was a sign of the events that would follow. Perhaps, people just like Diet Coke that much. Having had it myself, I would guess it's the former.\n\tHaley had been waiting at the bathroom door for what seemed like an eternity. How cruel indeed, this toilet was, to keep a lady waiting. Does that throne not know its place? Did it not thirst as it should? But sounds sould be heard that would confirm Haley's worst fears. The porcelain god had chosen another suitor. The traitor! Who could satisfy it in ways that she could not?\n\tMike hadn't known that the fish was rotten. Or maybe he had, but the smell was too inviting to pass up. In either case, his ass could not protect him anymore. The enemy was about to break open the barricade. A burst of flatulence rocketed from what was once a perfect ass, soon to be defiled forever. The room vibrated in response. There was no turning back. His acceptance, like his bowels, gave way to sheer horror, as he felt that which the shitting feline is never meant to feel: liquid.\n\tHaley pleaded with the gods for more time, but there was none left to spare. She was left with all options lost save one. The door standing between her and salvation, that rectangular fiend, must die. But who could help with such a task? Lucy would be able to rip the monster from the wall with her primitive gorilla strength, but she could never get there in time. Paulo's dad could unhinge it, but one does not simply speak with Paulo's dad. Just yesterday Abbey attempted such. Only one sound escaped Abbey's lips, as he involuntarily meowed in orgasmic bliss he gazed upon the Somali Sultan himself. The pool was closed forever. None could enter without sharing Abbey's fate. Some say if you listen through the walls, you can still hear Abbey.\n\tThe tingling sensation at the memory would be Haley's undoing.\n\tIt would not flush. Despite Mike's greatest efforts, far greater than he ever put in Lucy anyway, nothing would go down. This, however, was the least of his worries. The door gave way to a flood coating the room floor to gilded ceiling in seconds. nothing was spared. Photos destroyed, walls demolished, the room was nothing but rubble. And yet, something about the experience gave him a rush. And he knew right away what it was. The sweet taste of Diet Coke, available at 7-11.", "writing_bbcode_parsed": ""Indoor plumbing. It's gonna be big."
-Jesus "Goddamn" Christ

Chapter 1 - Confinement
\tThe story began as all stories do: with a teenager suffering from food poisoning and his younger sister drinking her own weight in Diet Coke, the drink that's the exact same coming out as it was going in. Perhaps, it was a sign of the events that would follow. Perhaps, people just like Diet Coke that much. Having had it myself, I would guess it's the former.
\tHaley had been waiting at the bathroom door for what seemed like an eternity. How cruel indeed, this toilet was, to keep a lady waiting. Does that throne not know its place? Did it not thirst as it should? But sounds sould be heard that would confirm Haley's worst fears. The porcelain god had chosen another suitor. The traitor! Who could satisfy it in ways that she could not?
\tMike hadn't known that the fish was rotten. Or maybe he had, but the smell was too inviting to pass up. In either case, his ass could not protect him anymore. The enemy was about to break open the barricade. A burst of flatulence rocketed from what was once a perfect ass, soon to be defiled forever. The room vibrated in response. There was no turning back. His acceptance, like his bowels, gave way to sheer horror, as he felt that which the shitting feline is never meant to feel: liquid.
\tHaley pleaded with the gods for more time, but there was none left to spare. She was left with all options lost save one. The door standing between her and salvation, that rectangular fiend, must die. But who could help with such a task? Lucy would be able to rip the monster from the wall with her primitive gorilla strength, but she could never get there in time. Paulo's dad could unhinge it, but one does not simply speak with Paulo's dad. Just yesterday Abbey attempted such. Only one sound escaped Abbey's lips, as he involuntarily meowed in orgasmic bliss he gazed upon the Somali Sultan himself. The pool was closed forever. None could enter without sharing Abbey's fate. Some say if you listen through the walls, you can still hear Abbey.
\tThe tingling sensation at the memory would be Haley's undoing.
\tIt would not flush. Despite Mike's greatest efforts, far greater than he ever put in Lucy anyway, nothing would go down. This, however, was the least of his worries. The door gave way to a flood coating the room floor to gilded ceiling in seconds. nothing was spared. Photos destroyed, walls demolished, the room was nothing but rubble. And yet, something about the experience gave him a rush. And he knew right away what it was. The sweet taste of Diet Coke, available at 7-11.", "pools_count": 0, "title": "Waterfall", "deleted": "f", "public": "t", "mimetype": "text/plain", "pagecount": "1", "rating_id": "2", "rating_name": "Adult", "ratings": [ { "content_tag_id": "4", "name": "Sexual Themes", "description": "Erotic imagery, sexual activity or arousal", "rating_id": "2" } ], "submission_type_id": "12", "type_name": "Writing - Document", "guest_block": "f", "friends_only": "f", "comments_count": "0", "views": "698" }