The meaning of love

I hated myself, I despised myself, I was completely disgusted with myself for having this feeling. But I couldn't throw away what was in my heart, I had truly fallen in love, I hated myself because of that... because I had fallen in love with my own student.
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The day I met him was during the first semester of the university. I was walking through the middle of campus as I saw a group of hooligans walk up to him and push him to the ground. They laughed and crushed the basket of flowers that he held. "Look at the fag, he can't do a thing."

"What's the matter, why don't you cry for help?" One teased.

"Aw, the dude's gonna cry."

I couldn't let this go on any longer, so I quickly walked over to stop it. "That's enough. There will be no harrassment on this campus."

The sound of my voice made the hooligans run away, leaving the young man laying on the ground. He was a young tanuki, the first I had ever met. He wore a blue sweatervest that matched perfectly with his eyes, his chubby brown fur body also matched with a pair of khaki pants. "Are you alright?"

The tanuki did not answer, he only nodded as he stood up and took off his glasses to wipe the tears from his eyes. "Is something wrong, say something."

He looked as if he would say something at first, but instead he grabbed some of the flowers that were still alive and held out a dark pink rose. During my days in college I decided to learn the meaning of flowers, and the meaning of pink roses were 'thank you'.

"Are you a mute?" I asked to see him nod in reply. "Well don't worry about those three anymore, if you ever need help let me know. Let me introduce myself, I'm Professor Alsief."

The tanuki smiled, he took out another flower and held out a white lotus flower for me to have. He grabbed a notebook from his backpack and wrote down something, turning away from me to hide what he was writing until he was finished. He was finally done, he showed me his notebook to show a name. "Ren, so that's your name?"

He nodded happily. "It's nice to meet you, Ren. What class are you in?" Ren went back into his bookbag to show me his schedule. "Ah, so you're in my class. Well, just get your things into your room and I'll see you in class."

Ren nodded and was about to head off, but he quickly turned back and kissed my cheek; it wasn't on the lips, but even that was the first kiss that anyone besides my own mother ever gave me. Before he left, Ren gave me one more flower and left without a word... heh, that might've been the wrong choice of words when I think about it. I looked back at the flower he gave me, it was an orange rose that meant fascination. Could that have meant he was fascinated in me... someone was fascinated in me?
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It was on that day that I began to felt these feelings for him. I thought they were just the feelings of friendship that a student and teacher should have, but they just grew stronger and stronger with every moment I was with him; Ren was always there to help me after class, whether it was trying to do paper work, or just to talk. Everyday I was with him, he'd have a basket filled with flowers to help him communicate. Whenever I had something good to tell him, he'd always give me red and orange roses as a sign of congratulations, sometimes he'd even give me a buttercup to show how childish I was.

With every flower he gave me, I began to learn more about his personality. Ren's white chrysanthemums showed that he always told the truth to me, when I had a hard time, he'd give me a red carnation to show that his heart ached for me, and that he admired me for how strong willed I was. I cherished and loved every compliment he gave me in those flowers... but those feelings of friendship just grew even stronger. I wanted to be with the boy, but how could I, and more importantly... why would he love me?

Everyday I look at my mirror and all I see is a fat, forty three year old corgi. My eyesight is the worse without my glasses, and among everything else... I'm still a virgin. I know nothing about love, I can read every definition, every story that uses love, but I could never understand it; I could never tell Ren how I loved him, he still had a life ahead of him anyway. He was a young twenty two year old, he could find a girl and make a family, I could never give that to him. It would never work out at all, it's just sickening for someone my age to even want him. But I want to be with him, I can't stand not being able to tell him. "Ren, why do I have to feel this way for you?"

Today was a Sunday, so classes were cancelled for the day. Even though I had put on my clothes I wasn't gonna go anywhere, that was until I heard a knock on the door. "Who is it?"

The person knocked three more times, I knew who it was. "I'll be right there." I opened up the door to see Ren, whenever he wanted to see me at home he'd knock on my door three times to tell me he was there. "Ren, how are you today?"

Ren smiled, he reached for his basket and held out crocus flower to show how cheerful he was. He reached into his basket and took out a notepad with a pencil, he wrote on it and showed me what he wanted to say. "Could I spend the day with you today?"

"I don't have much to do, but you can come in." Ren nodded and came inside, I gestured him to sit down on the couch while I make some tea, but while I did that I couldn't help but to feel nervous. This was like having a girl at your house for the first time, and I felt both giddy and nervous at the same time. I was so scared, but Ren looked so happy to be here when I gave him his tea. "You didn't have to spend the day with me, why don't you have fun with your friends?"

Ren frowned, I knew he had a hard time making friends and I ended up pointing it out like a jerk. "I'm sorry, Ren. I didn't mean to say it like that."

He shook his head and smiled, but he gave me a flower that asked me something I never expected, a white lilac to ask me my first dream of love. "W-Well I, Ren I um... why do you ask?"

He grabbed a lotus flower for mystery and truth, I chuckled at how innocent he was. "So you're curious about it too. To tell the truth, I've never been in a relationship." Ren looked a little sad and gave me a purple hyacinth to say he was sorry. "No don't be, you have nothing to be sorry about. Ren. I may not be in a relationship, but I think I do know the feeling of love."

Ren's curiosity perked up again, I could tell when he tilted his head like a cute little puppy. "I've felt it for a while now, it's like a warm sensation in my heart. It makes me feel so happy that I want to cry, but I know it wouldn't matter." 

His curiousity grew more, I could tell he wanted to ask why it didn't matter. I didn't want to tell him, but I at least wanted to tell Ren how I felt. "The person who makes me feel this way, I could never tell them my feelings... because they could never love me. I'm fat, I'm old, I just couldn't be attractive to them. But even so, I wish I could tell them... I love you." Even though I said it to him, I know my unrequited love will never be returned. But for some reason, Ren began to cry in front of me. "Ren, don't cry. It's nothing for you to cry about, and don't want you to cry."

Ren kept crying, and I just hated how I was the one to cause it. "Oh Ren, please stop crying. What I said doesn't matter at all, so why do you have to you have to cry for me?"

His crying fell silent, just sitting there as quiet as he would usually be, but this felt different than usual. "Ren, what's-!?"

I felt his lips... his soft lips press against mines, it made my heart give out to an unbelievable sensation of warmth. I felt so happy, but I also felt guilty. I pushed Ren away to look at his face, those blue eyes that hid behind his glasses gazed at me with awe and fascination that only showed his feelings towards me. "Ren, this isn't right, I can't-!?"

He cut me off with something beautiful, a red rose that told he loved me. I felt my eyes well up in tears, I was so happy but I couldn't let this happen. "This isn't right, Ren, I can't love you. I'm old, and you still have time to find a girl of your own, to make a family. I could never take that away from you, it would only make it worse for me."

I cried right in front of him, but Ren stayed by my side and held me close. I accepted his loving embrace and enjoyed the feeling of us so close, our bellies squishing together felt so nice. "Please, no matter how much I want to, I can't be with you."

Ren looked at me with the same look of fascination, he reached for his basket to give me the most beautiful pink and white roses I've ever seen. He reached out and placed them behind my ear, then caressed my cheek in such a loving way. The words he said through those flowers came to me loud and clear... 'I love you still and always will'.

"Oh Ren, I love you so much... I really do love you." This time I was the one to embrace him, we both cried in each others arms and soon kissed passionately. I explored the inside of his mouth while he explored mines, it felt so warm inside and as his tounge mashed with mines I felt such a pleasurable feeling. I felt my member grow harder by the minute, and soon I felt Ren's rub against mine. I pushed away from the kiss to gaze in his beautiful eyes, I caressed his chubby cheek and smiled at him. "Oh Ren, I want to be with you so much, but I-" He placed a paw to my lips to hush me and smiled. To my other ear he put yellow and orange roses to show that he had the same passionate thoughts for me. "Ren..."

It was only a few minutes, but soon we were in my room kissing; our bodies bottomless with only our glasses and sweatervests on while we kissed. Our members sprung to life as we touched and carassed each other, I moaned in his mouth with every gentle touch Ren gave me, it made me feel so good. All I wanted was to feel him inside of me, and also feel him inside as well... but I just feel so scared. "Ren, I want this so much. But this is my first time, and I don't know if I'll be any good."

Ren stared up at me with a beautiul shade of blush on his face, he reached for his basket and I was surprised to see him take out an almond. "Ren, you're still a virgin?" He nodded nervously, embarrassed by it all, but I was relieved because that meant I wasn't alone. "Ren, this might be hard for the both of us, but I just want you to know that I would never hurt you. I love you with all my heart, and I just want this to be good for the both of us."

Ren was so happy, he kissed me while holding a red rose in his hands to tell me that he loved me. He held the rose in his mouth and turned around to present his behind to me, his face so innocent yet in need. I couldn't help but love it, I held my member to his hole and slowly pushed inside. I got scared when I saw Ren wince, but he smiled to tell me hew was alright. "I'll go slow, okay?"

When he nodded, I began to move in and out of his behind, but I couldn't help but be amazed by this euphoria of pleasure; the feeling of Ren's insides were so warm, they clenched my member and made the pleasure even stronger, I thrusted faster and actually heard Ren's moaning. This was the first time I've actually heard something similar to a voice from him, it was high pitched and had a sweet feel to it. It felt too good, I couldn't hold it anymore. "Oh Ren, Ren I... I'm gonna cum!"

I came inside of him for the first time, it felt so amazing, but also exhausting; I removed myself from his hole to watch as the cum began to leak out. "Ren, are you okay?"

Ren laid down on his back to show himself to me, his member sprung up to full attention, it was a small five inch like mines but still had more girth. His lovely smile gave me a sense of relief, but I couldn't help but look at his member again. It looked like it needed to shoot out. "Ren, you let me take your virginity... now I want you to take mines."

He looked at me in surprise and in fear, but I stood him up and embraced Ren in a hug. "Ren, it's okay. I want to feel you inside me, and I just want to be closer to you."

Ren nodded and gently laid me on my back, he held my legs up in the air and gently pushed his member inside of me. I felt a pleasure that felt even better than when I felt myself inside of Ren, this must've been what it felt like for him. "Oh Ren... oh Ren... please go faster."

Ren was much faster in his thrusts than I was, he plunged deeper into me with each one and I couldn't stand but to moan loudly. I loved every moment he was inside of me, and a feeling of pure orgasmic pleasure that came when his member touched a spot inside of me. "Oh god, Ren keep touching there! Please touch me there again!"

Ren thrusted faster and faster until he finally gave into his own orgasm, I felt his warm cum go inside of me like a geyser rising up into the sky and it felt so good to me. Ren pulled out and laid down beside me. "Ren, you're amazing... thank you."

"A-A-"

"Ren?" Did I hear him right, was Ren trying to talk?

"A... Al... eif... Alseif." He looked at me and smiled. "I... luv... you... Alseif."

There were so many things I felt now, I hugged Ren and cried tears of joy. Not only did I have my first time with the person I love, not only did I find a lover, but Ren... my sweet Ren, spoke for the first time and said I love you to me. "Oh Ren, I love you too."