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  "writing": "[i]An office. A door opens. Inspector Pelton walks in followed by Superintendent Muck and goes to desk.[/i]\n\n[b]Pelton[/b]: Mr. Milton? You are sole proprietor and owner of Potrzebie Chocolates, Inc.?\n[b]Milton[/b]: I am.\n[b]Pelton[/b]: Superintendent Muck and I are from the FDA. We want to have a word with you about your box of chocolates entitled the Potrzebie Quality Assortment.\n[b]Milton[/b]: Ah, yes.\n[b]Pelton[/b]: [i](producing box of chocolate)[/i] If I may begin at the beginning. First there is the Coconut Delight. This is extremely nasty, but we can't prosecute you for that.\n[b]Milton[/b]: Agreed.\n[b]Pelton[/b]: Next we have number four, 'Squishy Caterpillar'.\n[b]Milton[/b]: Ah, yes.\n[b]Pelton[/b]: Am I right in thinking there's a real caterpillar in here?\n[b]Milton[/b]: Yes. A dead caterpillar.\n[b]Pelton[/b]: Is it cooked?\n[b]Milton[/b]: No.\n[b]Pelton[/b]: What, a raw caterpillar?\n\n[i]Superintendent Muck looks increasingly queasy.[/i]\n\n[b]Milton[/b]: We use only the finest moth caterpillars, dew-picked and flown from Iraq, cleansed in the finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and then sealed in a succulent Swiss quintuple smooth treble cream milk chocolate envelope, and lovingly frosted with glucose.\n[b]Pelton[/b]: That's as may be, but it's still a caterpillar!\n[b]Milton[/b]: What else?\n[b]Pelton[/b]: Superintendent Muck ate one of those.\n[b]Muck[/b]: Excuse me a moment. [i](exits hurriedly)[/i]\n[b]Pelton[/b]: He thought it was an almond whirl. People won't expect there to be a caterpillar in there. They're bound to think it's some sort of mock caterpillar.\n[b]Milton[/b]: [i](insulted)[/i] Mock caterpillar? We use no artificial preservatives or additives of any kind!\n[b]Pelton[/b]: Nevertheless, I must warn you that in future you should delete the words 'squishy caterpillar', and replace them with the legend, 'squishy raw real dead caterpillar' if you want to avoid prosecution.\n[b]Milton[/b]: Our sales would plummet!\n[b]Pelton[/b]: I don't care about your sales! I'm here to protect the general public! Now what about this one. [i](superintendent enters)[/i] It was number five, wasn't it? [i](superintendent nods)[/i] 'Dog Tongue'. [i](exit superintendent)[/i] What sort of confection is this?\n[b]Milton[/b]: We use choicest juicy chunks of fresh St. Schnoodle tongue, folded, steamed, flavoured with sesame seeds, whipped into a fondue and garnished with ant feces.\n[b]Pelton[/b]: Well it doesn't say anything about that here.\n[b]Milton[/b]: Oh yes it does, on the bottom of the box, after high-fructose corn syrup.\n[b]Pelton[/b]: [i](looking)[/i] Well I hardly think this is good enough. I think it's more appropriate if the box bore a great red label warning ant feces.\n[b]Milton[/b]: What about our sales?\n[b]Pelton[/b]: If sales are important, then why don't you move into more conventional areas of confectionary? [i](superintendent enters)[/i] I mean look at this one - 'foreskin fondue', [i](superintendent exits)[/i] 'swollen zit', and what's this one: 'spring surprise'?\n[b]Milton[/b]: Ah - now, that's our speciality - covered with darkest creamy chocolate. When you pop it into your mouth steel bolts spring out and plunge straight through both cheeks.\n[b]Pelton[/b]: Well where's the pleasure in that? If people place a nice chocky in their mouth, they don't want their cheeks pierced. In any case this is an inadequate description of the sweetmeat. I shall have to ask you to accompany me to the station.\n[b]Milton[/b]: [i](getting up from the desk and being led away)[/i] It's a fair cop.\n[b]Pelton[/b]: Stop talking to the camera.\n[b]Milton[/b]: I'm sorry.\n\n[i]Supeintendent Muck enters the room as Inspector Pelton and Milton leave, and addresses the camera.[/i]\n\n[b]Muck[/b]: If only the general public would take more care when buying its sweetmeats, it would reduce the number of man-hours lost to the nation and they would spend less time having their stomachs pumped and sitting around in public lavatories.\n\n[i]END[/i]",
  "writing_bbcode_parsed": "<span style='word-wrap: break-word;'><em>An office. A door opens. Inspector Pelton walks in followed by Superintendent Muck and goes to desk.</em><br /><br /><strong>Pelton</strong>: Mr. Milton? You are sole proprietor and owner of Potrzebie Chocolates, Inc.?<br /><strong>Milton</strong>: I am.<br /><strong>Pelton</strong>: Superintendent Muck and I are from the FDA. We want to have a word with you about your box of chocolates entitled the Potrzebie Quality Assortment.<br /><strong>Milton</strong>: Ah, yes.<br /><strong>Pelton</strong>: <em>(producing box of chocolate)</em> If I may begin at the beginning. First there is the Coconut Delight. This is extremely nasty, but we can&#039;t prosecute you for that.<br /><strong>Milton</strong>: Agreed.<br /><strong>Pelton</strong>: Next we have number four, &#039;Squishy Caterpillar&#039;.<br /><strong>Milton</strong>: Ah, yes.<br /><strong>Pelton</strong>: Am I right in thinking there&#039;s a real caterpillar in here?<br /><strong>Milton</strong>: Yes. A dead caterpillar.<br /><strong>Pelton</strong>: Is it cooked?<br /><strong>Milton</strong>: No.<br /><strong>Pelton</strong>: What, a raw caterpillar?<br /><br /><em>Superintendent Muck looks increasingly queasy.</em><br /><br /><strong>Milton</strong>: We use only the finest moth caterpillars, dew-picked and flown from Iraq, cleansed in the finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and then sealed in a succulent Swiss quintuple smooth treble cream milk chocolate envelope, and lovingly frosted with glucose.<br /><strong>Pelton</strong>: That&#039;s as may be, but it&#039;s still a caterpillar!<br /><strong>Milton</strong>: What else?<br /><strong>Pelton</strong>: Superintendent Muck ate one of those.<br /><strong>Muck</strong>: Excuse me a moment. <em>(exits hurriedly)</em><br /><strong>Pelton</strong>: He thought it was an almond whirl. People won&#039;t expect there to be a caterpillar in there. They&#039;re bound to think it&#039;s some sort of mock caterpillar.<br /><strong>Milton</strong>: <em>(insulted)</em> Mock caterpillar? We use no artificial preservatives or additives of any kind!<br /><strong>Pelton</strong>: Nevertheless, I must warn you that in future you should delete the words &#039;squishy caterpillar&#039;, and replace them with the legend, &#039;squishy raw real dead caterpillar&#039; if you want to avoid prosecution.<br /><strong>Milton</strong>: Our sales would plummet!<br /><strong>Pelton</strong>: I don&#039;t care about your sales! I&#039;m here to protect the general public! Now what about this one. <em>(superintendent enters)</em> It was number five, wasn&#039;t it? <em>(superintendent nods)</em> &#039;Dog Tongue&#039;. <em>(exit superintendent)</em> What sort of confection is this?<br /><strong>Milton</strong>: We use choicest juicy chunks of fresh St. Schnoodle tongue, folded, steamed, flavoured with sesame seeds, whipped into a fondue and garnished with ant feces.<br /><strong>Pelton</strong>: Well it doesn&#039;t say anything about that here.<br /><strong>Milton</strong>: Oh yes it does, on the bottom of the box, after high-fructose corn syrup.<br /><strong>Pelton</strong>: <em>(looking)</em> Well I hardly think this is good enough. I think it&#039;s more appropriate if the box bore a great red label warning ant feces.<br /><strong>Milton</strong>: What about our sales?<br /><strong>Pelton</strong>: If sales are important, then why don&#039;t you move into more conventional areas of confectionary? <em>(superintendent enters)</em> I mean look at this one - &#039;foreskin fondue&#039;, <em>(superintendent exits)</em> &#039;swollen zit&#039;, and what&#039;s this one: &#039;spring surprise&#039;?<br /><strong>Milton</strong>: Ah - now, that&#039;s our speciality - covered with darkest creamy chocolate. When you pop it into your mouth steel bolts spring out and plunge straight through both cheeks.<br /><strong>Pelton</strong>: Well where&#039;s the pleasure in that? If people place a nice chocky in their mouth, they don&#039;t want their cheeks pierced. In any case this is an inadequate description of the sweetmeat. I shall have to ask you to accompany me to the station.<br /><strong>Milton</strong>: <em>(getting up from the desk and being led away)</em> It&#039;s a fair cop.<br /><strong>Pelton</strong>: Stop talking to the camera.<br /><strong>Milton</strong>: I&#039;m sorry.<br /><br /><em>Supeintendent Muck enters the room as Inspector Pelton and Milton leave, and addresses the camera.</em><br /><br /><strong>Muck</strong>: If only the general public would take more care when buying its sweetmeats, it would reduce the number of man-hours lost to the nation and they would spend less time having their stomachs pumped and sitting around in public lavatories.<br /><br /><em>END</em></span>",
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