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Self-discovery can be a bitch.\n\nMulti-chapter 2k3", "count": "39", "submission_left_submission_id": "1140903", "submission_left_file_name": "1584392_hummerhouse_the_pain_game_part_26.doc", "submission_left_thumbnail_url_huge": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/huge/1584/1584392_hummerhouse_the_pain_game_part_26.jpg", "submission_left_thumbnail_url_large": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/large/1584/1584392_hummerhouse_the_pain_game_part_26.jpg", "submission_left_thumbnail_url_medium": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/medium/1584/1584392_hummerhouse_the_pain_game_part_26.jpg", "submission_left_thumb_huge_x": "300", "submission_left_thumb_huge_y": "189", "submission_left_thumb_large_x": "200", "submission_left_thumb_large_y": "126", "submission_left_thumb_medium_x": "120", "submission_left_thumb_medium_y": "76", "submission_right_submission_id": "1144457", "submission_right_file_name": "1589534_hummerhouse_the_pain_game_part_28.doc", "submission_right_thumbnail_url_huge": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/huge/1589/1589534_hummerhouse_the_pain_game_part_28.jpg", "submission_right_thumbnail_url_large": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/large/1589/1589534_hummerhouse_the_pain_game_part_28.jpg", "submission_right_thumbnail_url_medium": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/medium/1589/1589534_hummerhouse_the_pain_game_part_28.jpg", "submission_right_thumb_huge_x": "300", "submission_right_thumb_huge_y": "189", "submission_right_thumb_large_x": "200", "submission_right_thumb_large_y": "126", "submission_right_thumb_medium_x": "120", "submission_right_thumb_medium_y": "76" } ], "description": "Disclaimer: The TMNT are not mine. No money being made.\nWord Count: 100K+ multi-chapter 2k3\nSummary: Michelangelo has a secret that he's apparently been keeping from himself.\nRating will vary by chapter, from R to NC-17\n\nThis provocative preview image was created by FrostbiteBurn on DeviantArt", "description_bbcode_parsed": "Disclaimer: The TMNT are not mine. No money being made.
Word Count: 100K+ multi-chapter 2k3
Summary:  Michelangelo has a secret that he's apparently been keeping from himself.
Rating will vary by chapter, from R to NC-17

This provocative preview image was created by FrostbiteBurn on DeviantArt", "writing": "\tThe intensity of his release left Mikey so lightheaded that he faded out, not completely unconscious, but not truly conscious either.\n\n\tFortunately, that dazed state lasted for only a couple of minutes before Mikey was once more aware of his surroundings. As his eyes fluttered open, Mikey saw that Raph was directly in front of him, the powerful clasp of his brother’s arm holding him up. Raph took Mikey’s entire weight, lifting his brother so that he could reach overhead and slip the handcuff chain off of the hook.\n\n\tMikey moaned as his arms were lowered and Raph ducked between them so that the younger turtle’s forearms were draped over his shoulders. Still dizzy, Mikey’s head dropped forward onto Raph’s collarbone.\n\n\t“Take it easy Mikey,” Raph said in a gentle tone. “I’ve got ya’.”\n\n\tGetting a tight grip around Mikey’s body, Raph carried him over to the bed and carefully laid him on his carapace. Mikey blinked up at him as Raph kneeled on the mattress and slid out from under the younger turtle’s arms, settling Mikey’s hands onto his stomach. Leaning over Mikey, Raph loosened the straps holding the ball gag in place.\n\n\tMikey was slightly embarrassed when Raph extracted the wet ball from his mouth and it dripped onto his chin. He’d been drooling like an infant while that thing was between his teeth and his face felt sticky with saliva.\n\n\tThat didn’t seem to effect Raph at all. His brother tossed the ball gag aside and then shifted on the bed so that he could get at Mikey’s wrists. Too tired to move, Mikey followed Raph’s progress with his eyes, his hands and arms still too numb to register that they’d been freed.\n\n\t“Ya’ okay bro’?” Raph asked, looking up at him.\n\n\t“Aahh,” Mikey croaked before trying to lick his lips with a tongue that felt fat and sluggish.\n\n\t“Hang on, let me get ya’ some water,” Raph said, bounding off of the bed and disappearing from view.\n\n\tMikey allowed his eyelids to close as he drifted on a sea of endorphins. After a second he started to feel the pins and needles that signaled the return of circulation to his arms, but it wasn’t particularly unpleasant. He was much too high on his brain’s chemical reaction to an orgasm to feel any pain signals.\n\n\tRaph returned with a cold bottle of water, twisting the cap off as he took a seat next to Mikey on the bed. Lifting his brother’s head, Raph held the bottle to Mikey’s mouth and helped him drink.\n\n\tMikey nearly finished the bottle before his mouth felt normal again. Twisting his head a little, Mikey indicated that he was done and Raph leaned away to set the bottle on the ground.\n\n\t“Better?” Raph asked.\n\n\t“Yep,” Mikey said with the hint of a smile. He was too relaxed to want to move much.\n\n\t“Just lay there, I’ve gotta get that bar off your legs,” Raph said before transferring to the end of the bed.\n\n\tThe younger turtle enjoyed the feeling of Raph’s hands grazing his skin as he unbuckled the straps on Mikey’s ankles. With the spreader bar and the cuffs in his hands, Raph got up and started to walk past Mikey.\n\n\tCalling on his reserve energy, Mikey lunged upwards to latch onto Raph’s arm, stopping him. “Stay here.”\n\n\tRaph frowned. “Are ya’ okay?”\n\n\tMikey slowly sank back down without relinquishing his grip on Raph, forcing his brother to either stoop or sit on the bed. Raph sat.\n\n\t“We don’t have to rush back for once,” Mikey said quietly. “Maybe we could just enjoy the moment?”\n\n\tAlthough that seemed to fluster Raph, he remained where he was, his eyes on the bondage gear he was holding. “I guess ya’ want to talk about feelings and shit,” he finally said.\n\n\tThat wasn’t really what Mikey wanted to hear, but he understood his brother enough not to be hurt by it. He wished Raph would lie down next to him and relax, but that was probably too much to hope for.\n\n\t“Actually I was just thinking about how nice it would be if we could slow down after we play and savor the afterglow,” Mikey told him, watching Raph’s expressions closely.\n\n\tRaph’s eyes turned to him, an odd look on his face. “Ya’ mean snuggle?”\n\n\t“Why not?” Mikey asked.\n\n\t“’Cause I don’t snuggle,” Raph answered.\n\n\t“Then how do you know you wouldn’t like it?” Mikey countered. “We’re down here trying new things, so think of it as one of those new things.”\n\n\tRaph huffed, starting to appear slightly annoyed. “Mikey, some stuff ain’t suited to our situation. Do ya’ get me?”\n\n\t“No,” Mikey said bluntly. He sat up so that he could get closer to Raph. “What is this to you? With me I mean?”\n\n\t“Oh fuck, this [i]is [/i]one of them touchy feely conversations,” Raph said, grimacing.\n\n\t“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Mikey insisted. “We’ve been together our whole lives, we’re brothers and . . . and whatever this is.”\n\n\t“It’s a means to an end, Mikey. That’s all,” Raph told him.\n\n\tPulling out of Mikey’s hold, Raph jumped up and dropped the bondage gear into one of the chests, slamming the lid down. When he stomped off towards the bar, Mikey got off the bed and followed him.\n\n\tRaph crossed behind the bar and took a pail out of one of the lower cabinets. He ignored Mikey as he began to fill it with water and a floor cleansing solution.\n\n\t“I get that you don’t want to think beyond what we do here,” Mikey said, a tender timbre in his voice. “You’re thinking we shouldn’t invest too much into something we might not get to continue. But Raph, what if we could go on without worry? Would you want that?”\n\n\tRaph set the pail down roughly, the water sloshing over the sides as he looked up at Mikey. “What the hell are ya’ talking about? I already told ya’ why this has to be a secret. Ya’ already know that no one would approve.”\n\n\tVery softly, Mikey said, “Master Splinter was the one who suggested we go off our own together.”\n\n\t“To resolve our differences,” Raph practically shouted at him. “Ain’t that what ya’ told me? Dammit Mikey, what have ya’ been saying to him?”\n\n\tIn the back of his head, Mikey heard Raph’s words from earlier as he said [i]‘I’ll stick with it as long as ya’ abide by our rules.’[/i] Rule number one of kinky club; nobody talks about kinky club.\n\n\t“Why do you always assume I’m the one giving stuff away?” Mikey asked boldly. “I haven’t said anything to Master Splinter about what we do, but he said something to me. He said when he meditates he sees stuff that could be our future. Some stuff isn’t so great, but other stuff, other choices we make, could lead to us being really happy. Being with you makes me happy. What the shell is wrong with that?”\n\n\t“Maybe I ain’t interested in happy,” Raph said. “Maybe for me that’s just a damn word that don’t mean anything. I eat when I’m hungry, drink when I’m thirsty, and come down here when I’m too fucking horny to be around anybody else.”\n\n\t“This isn’t a one way street Raph,” Mike said.\n\n“I don’t know what that means. What the hell does that mean?” Raph asked belligerently.\n\n“It means we both have to get something from this arrangement,” Mikey told him.\n\n“We’re both getting our rocks off,” Raph said. “What more do ya’ want?”\n\nMikey could feel his frustration level climbing. Either Raph really was this obtuse or he was in denial. Or worse, he actually didn’t give a damn.\n\n“That’s shallow,” Mikey replied. “Don’t you feel more of connection to me than just my being a brother with benefits?”\n\nRaph put his palms on the bar, leaned on his hands, and lowered his head. Shaking it, he said, “I knew I should have kept my mouth shut. I should have ignored the crap ya’ was dishing out the way I always have and never even started this.”\n\nMikey’s heart dropped into his stomach. “Wow Raph, that’s harsh. I guess all I am is a step up from that cloth dummy you’ve got tucked away. Why’d you make it look like me? Was that ‘cause I meant something to you, or ‘cause I was the one you wanted to hurt the most?”\n\nRaph’s head came up slowly, his eyes narrowed as they fixed Mikey with a sharp glare. “Why the hell is this all of a sudden important to ya’ now? When I showed ya’ this room I was upfront with ya’. I said ya’ were the only one I ever wanted to do stuff with. I always figured ya’ were the only one who ever really got me. We balance out, okay? I think I knew that from the time we were little. Whenever I’d get pissed I could always push that off on ya’ without worrying that you’d start crying about it. Ya’ took my crap and ya’ liked it.”\n\n“This is way beyond just taking your crap,” Mikey said. “If all we were both looking for was kinky sex, then why the change in our scent? Not only mine, but yours too. Why’d I suddenly need you to hurt me when I didn’t know anything about your secret? Why only you? How come all I can think about is you and why do I get jealous if anybody else looks at you cross ways? Aren’t you feeling any of that?”\n\nRaph swiped a hand across his face. “The last thing I wanted was for this to get complicated,” he said. “There’s always a chance that something will happen to make it too hot for us do to this anymore. It’ll be better if ya’ don’t get that attached.”\n\n“You deserve to have something special in your life Raph,” Mikey said, holding his brother’s eyes with his own. “We all do. It should be something of your choosing, no matter what that is, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else. This thing we do isn’t causing anyone harm. Maybe you’re blowing what Leo said to you all out of proportion, or maybe you’re [i]letting [/i]him have power over you when he really doesn’t. He couldn’t possibly know how Sensei would react to any of this.”\n\n“Get this Mikey, and get it now. That ain’t something I’m willing to take a chance on. You’re the dreamer in the family, not me. The here and now is plenty good enough for me. As far as I’m concerned, the only differences we’ve got is whether we keep coming back here. I’m putting myself out there as much as I intend to. If that ain’t good enough for ya’, then give me your damn key.”\n\n“It’s really important to you that you have all of the control, isn’t it?” Mikey asked, purposely ignoring what sounded like an ultimatum from his brother. \n\n“No,” Raph growled, “it’s [i]necessary [/i]that I have all of the control. My place, my rules. That’s what ya’ agreed to, Michelangelo. So here it is, plain and simple, just like ya’ said earlier. If you’re gonna ‘cause me heartburn over this, then we quit. Ya’ suddenly can’t handle the rules, give me back my damn key. Otherwise, shut the fuck up about it.”\n\n“You wouldn’t fight for this? You’d stop, just like that?” Mikey asked, brow furrowed.\n\nRaph stepped back from the bar and crossed his arms. “Yeah, just like that.”\n\nMikey had no idea if Raph would feel bad or not over ending it and that thought put a lump in his throat. Raph had told him not to get attached, but it was way too late for that because Mikey was already attached. Why did Raph have to be so hardheaded?\n\nRaphael was just stubborn enough to follow through on his threat. It didn’t make sense to Mikey; this room and Raph’s almost life-long fantasies centered on his youngest brother. In the grand scheme of things, the three trysts they’d had inside the secret room couldn’t possibly have fulfilled Raph’s ultimate daydream. Mikey was pretty sure he knew what that daydream was.\n\nIn his best cajoling tone, Mikey asked, “How can you stop when you haven’t really gotten what you want?”\n\nA flicker of emotion crossed Raph’s face before he controlled it, but Mikey knew he’d scored a hit. \n\n“Ya’ think ya’ know me, don’t ya’?” Raph asked with a mixture of anger and petulance.\n\n“Yeah, I do,” Mikey said. “What you said, we balance out. I think you know me well enough to know that I wouldn’t do anything that would hurt you. That includes telling anybody anything on my own. All I want is that you leave it open that if you somehow find out that Master Splinter doesn’t care that we’re together, you’ll consider telling me how you really feel about me.”\n\n“I can tell ya’ that right now,” Raph said with a snort, lowering his arms. “You’re an annoying little shit.”\n\n“Wow, that’s original,” Mikey shot back with a laugh, knowing that Raph couldn’t deal with anymore of the deep stuff at the moment. Raph could only handle feeling vulnerable for very short periods of time.\n\n“It’s also your turn to clean up,” Raph said, dropping a sponge into the pail and passing it across the bar to Mikey. “I’m hitting the shower.”\n\n Accepting the pail, Mikey clammed up, realizing that he’d pushed Raph far enough for one night. It was only after Mikey had taken a few steps away from the bar that Raph came out from behind it. Mikey took the pail over to where the evidence of their encounter lay splattered across the floor. Without a second look, Raph entered the tiny bathroom and closed the door.\n\nOn his knees, Mikey began to scrub the floor clean. Other than knowing what the fluids were, the job itself was mindless work, so Mikey thought about the conversation he’d just had with Raph.\n\nThey hadn’t really resolved anything. Their whole talk had been pretty circular when Mikey replayed it in his head.\n\nOne little thing struck Mikey as important and he concentrated on that. Twice tonight he had managed to bluff Raph out of calling the whole thing off. The first time it was Mikey who’d said ‘let’s quit’. The second time he’d pushed Raph into asking for him to return his key if Mikey didn’t like how things were.\n\nRaph had backed away both times, though the second time had been dicey. Mikey had only felt a sense of relief when Raph hadn’t insisted. The younger turtle wanted to believe that Raph hadn’t pushed his point because he didn’t want to stop coming to this room with his brother.\n\nConsidering everything they’d said to each other, it occurred to Mikey that though Raph asserted his right to have all of the control, it didn’t mean Mikey had no power. Raph had admitted to having his sadistic tendencies from an early age, and this room was certainly a testament to that.\n\nIf Raph was so driven by his need that he’d go to all the trouble of finding this secret room, hooking up the plumbing, and stocking it with toys, then he had to be very invested in his kink. Possibly invested enough that Mikey could use his wiles to convince Raph to get over his fear of being outed. Mikey’s power over Raph versus Leo’s.\n\nMikey was pouring out the dirty water into the sink behind the bar when Raph came back into the main room.\n\n“All yours,” Raph said, hooking a thumb in the direction of the bathroom.\n\nWithout a word, Mikey left to get cleaned up. As he entered the bathroom he saw that Raph was taking the ball gag over to the bar. Probably to clean and disinfect the thing seeing as how Mikey had drooled all over it.\n\nGlancing at himself in the cracked mirror that hung over the sink, Mikey could see the redness of the welts that crisscrossed his shoulders. Examining his thighs, Mikey found that they too showed the marks from the whip Raph had used on him.\n\n\tMikey adjusted the temperature of the water in the shower so that it was a little cooler than he normally liked it to be. Avoiding heat kept the welts from stinging and when Mikey was finished with soaping and rinsing his body, he switched the water to cold. Though it left him shivering, the cold reduced the swelling on the welts.\n\n\tAfter he stepped out of the shower stall, Mikey checked himself again and was relieved that the welts were much less noticeable. However, they weren’t invisible, and he’d have to do something about that.\n\n\tMikey’s mind was on that problem as he left the bathroom and proceeded to the bar so that he could begin gearing up. Raph was leaning against the wall near the door and approached to within a few feet of his younger brother as Mikey slipped into his knee pads.\n\n\tWhen Mikey straightened he found that Raph was staring at his thighs. Reaching a hand out, Raph’s fingers gently grazed one of the welts before he pulled it back. The touch seemed compassionate and Mikey’s breath caught.\n\n\t“Are those bothering ya’?” Raph asked softly.\n\n\t“Not really,” Mikey answered. “Gotta figure out a way to hide them, at least for when we get home. Once I apply some of that salve that Donny made these will be gone by morning.”\n\n\t“Didn’t want to break the skin,” Raph said, his eyes conveying an emotion that Mikey couldn’t interpret. “I was being careful.”\n\n\t“I know,” Mikey told him. Thinking he understood, Mikey added, “You haven’t lost control even once. I told you that I knew you wouldn’t.”\n\n\t“Yeah,” Raph acknowledged, his voice cracking. Clearing his throat, he repeated, “Yeah. Ya’ said ya’ trusted me more than I trust myself. Can ya’ keep on doing that, Mikey?”\n\n\tWarmth blossomed suddenly in Mikey’s chest and he said, “No problemo, bro’.”\n\n\tA hint of color suffused Raph’s neck and he turned away, moving over to the door. “We gotta go out and play in the rain now so everyone will think we’ve been practicing the ‘way of getting soaked’,” he said humorously.\n\n\tAn idea struck Mikey as he joined his brother. “Hey, if I’m covered in mud these welts won’t show. I can always say you shoved me down in it.”\n\n\tThey exited the room and Raph locked the door. “I like that idea,” he replied, “especially the part where I shove ya’ into the mud.”\n\n\tLaughing, the pair made their way through the tunnels and then climbed into the wet world above them. They spent the next half-hour running through the rain, taking turns tagging one another.\n\n\tTrue to his word, Raph made sure that Mikey was appropriately muddy before they called it a night and headed for the lair.\n\nTBC………………..\n\n", "writing_bbcode_parsed": "\tThe intensity of his release left Mikey so lightheaded that he faded out, not completely unconscious, but not truly conscious either.

\tFortunately, that dazed state lasted for only a couple of minutes before Mikey was once more aware of his surroundings.  As his eyes fluttered open, Mikey saw that Raph was directly in front of him, the powerful clasp of his brother’s arm holding him up.  Raph took Mikey’s entire weight, lifting his brother so that he could reach overhead and slip the handcuff chain off of the hook.

\tMikey moaned as his arms were lowered and Raph ducked between them so that the younger turtle’s forearms were draped over his shoulders.  Still dizzy, Mikey’s head dropped forward onto Raph’s collarbone.

\t“Take it easy Mikey,” Raph said in a gentle tone.  “I’ve got ya’.”

\tGetting a tight grip around Mikey’s body, Raph carried him over to the bed and carefully laid him on his carapace.  Mikey blinked up at him as Raph kneeled on the mattress and slid out from under the younger turtle’s arms, settling Mikey’s hands onto his stomach.  Leaning over Mikey, Raph loosened the straps holding the ball gag in place.

\tMikey was slightly embarrassed when Raph extracted the wet ball from his mouth and it dripped onto his chin.  He’d been drooling like an infant while that thing was between his teeth and his face felt sticky with saliva.

\tThat didn’t seem to effect Raph at all.  His brother tossed the ball gag aside and then shifted on the bed so that he could get at Mikey’s wrists.  Too tired to move, Mikey followed Raph’s progress with his eyes, his hands and arms still too numb to register that they’d been freed.

\t“Ya’ okay bro’?” Raph asked, looking up at him.

\t“Aahh,” Mikey croaked before trying to lick his lips with a tongue that felt fat and sluggish.

\t“Hang on, let me get ya’ some water,” Raph said, bounding off of the bed and disappearing from view.

\tMikey allowed his eyelids to close as he drifted on a sea of endorphins.  After a second he started to feel the pins and needles that signaled the return of circulation to his arms, but it wasn’t particularly unpleasant.  He was much too high on his brain’s chemical reaction to an orgasm to feel any pain signals.

\tRaph returned with a cold bottle of water, twisting the cap off as he took a seat next to Mikey on the bed.  Lifting his brother’s head, Raph held the bottle to Mikey’s mouth and helped him drink.

\tMikey nearly finished the bottle before his mouth felt normal again. Twisting his head a little, Mikey indicated that he was done and Raph leaned away to set the bottle on the ground.

\t“Better?” Raph asked.

\t“Yep,” Mikey said with the hint of a smile.  He was too relaxed to want to move much.

\t“Just lay there, I’ve gotta get that bar off your legs,” Raph said before transferring to the end of the bed.

\tThe younger turtle enjoyed the feeling of Raph’s hands grazing his skin as he unbuckled the straps on Mikey’s ankles.  With the spreader bar and the cuffs in his hands, Raph got up and started to walk past Mikey.

\tCalling on his reserve energy, Mikey lunged upwards to latch onto Raph’s arm, stopping him.  “Stay here.”

\tRaph frowned.  “Are ya’ okay?”

\tMikey slowly sank back down without relinquishing his grip on Raph, forcing his brother to either stoop or sit on the bed.  Raph sat.

\t“We don’t have to rush back for once,” Mikey said quietly.  “Maybe we could just enjoy the moment?”

\tAlthough that seemed to fluster Raph, he remained where he was, his eyes on the bondage gear he was holding.  “I guess ya’ want to talk about feelings and shit,” he finally said.

\tThat wasn’t really what Mikey wanted to hear, but he understood his brother enough not to be hurt by it.  He wished Raph would lie down next to him and relax, but that was probably too much to hope for.

\t“Actually I was just thinking about how nice it would be if we could slow down after we play and savor the afterglow,” Mikey told him, watching Raph’s expressions closely.

\tRaph’s eyes turned to him, an odd look on his face.  “Ya’ mean snuggle?”

\t“Why not?” Mikey asked.

\t“’Cause I don’t snuggle,” Raph answered.

\t“Then how do you know you wouldn’t like it?” Mikey countered.  “We’re down here trying new things, so think of it as one of those new things.”

\tRaph huffed, starting to appear slightly annoyed.  “Mikey, some stuff ain’t suited to our situation.  Do ya’ get me?”

\t“No,” Mikey said bluntly.  He sat up so that he could get closer to Raph.  “What is this to you?  With me I mean?”

\t“Oh fuck, this is one of them touchy feely conversations,” Raph said, grimacing.

\t“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Mikey insisted.  “We’ve been together our whole lives, we’re brothers and . . . and whatever this is.”

\t“It’s a means to an end, Mikey.  That’s all,” Raph told him.

\tPulling out of Mikey’s hold, Raph jumped up and dropped the bondage gear into one of the chests, slamming the lid down.  When he stomped off towards the bar, Mikey got off the bed and followed him.

\tRaph crossed behind the bar and took a pail out of one of the lower cabinets.  He ignored Mikey as he began to fill it with water and a floor cleansing solution.

\t“I get that you don’t want to think beyond what we do here,” Mikey said, a tender timbre in his voice.  “You’re thinking we shouldn’t invest too much into something we might not get to continue.  But Raph, what if we could go on without worry?  Would you want that?”

\tRaph set the pail down roughly, the water sloshing over the sides as he looked up at Mikey.  “What the hell are ya’ talking about?  I already told ya’ why this has to be a secret.  Ya’ already know that no one would approve.”

\tVery softly, Mikey said, “Master Splinter was the one who suggested we go off our own together.”

\t“To resolve our differences,” Raph practically shouted at him.  “Ain’t that what ya’ told me?  Dammit Mikey, what have ya’ been saying to him?”

\tIn the back of his head, Mikey heard Raph’s words from earlier as he said ‘I’ll stick with it as long as ya’ abide by our rules.’  Rule number one of kinky club; nobody talks about kinky club.

\t“Why do you always assume I’m the one giving stuff away?” Mikey asked boldly.  “I haven’t said anything to Master Splinter about what we do, but he said something to me.  He said when he meditates he sees stuff that could be our future.  Some stuff isn’t so great, but other stuff, other choices we make, could lead to us being really happy.  Being with you makes me happy.  What the shell is wrong with that?”

\t“Maybe I ain’t interested in happy,” Raph said.  “Maybe for me that’s just a damn word that don’t mean anything.  I eat when I’m hungry, drink when I’m thirsty, and come down here when I’m too fucking horny to be around anybody else.”

\t“This isn’t a one way street Raph,” Mike said.

“I don’t know what that means.  What the hell does that mean?” Raph asked belligerently.

“It means we both have to get something from this arrangement,” Mikey told him.

“We’re both getting our rocks off,” Raph said.  “What more do ya’ want?”

Mikey could feel his frustration level climbing.  Either Raph really was this obtuse or he was in denial.  Or worse, he actually didn’t give a damn.

“That’s shallow,” Mikey replied.  “Don’t you feel more of connection to me than just my being a brother with benefits?”

Raph put his palms on the bar, leaned on his hands, and lowered his head.  Shaking it, he said, “I knew I should have kept my mouth shut.  I should have ignored the crap ya’ was dishing out the way I always have and never even started this.”

Mikey’s heart dropped into his stomach.  “Wow Raph, that’s harsh.  I guess all I am is a step up from that cloth dummy you’ve got tucked away.  Why’d you make it look like me?  Was that ‘cause I meant something to you, or ‘cause I was the one you wanted to hurt the most?”

Raph’s head came up slowly, his eyes narrowed as they fixed Mikey with a sharp glare.  “Why the hell is this all of a sudden important to ya’ now?  When I showed ya’ this room I was upfront with ya’.  I said ya’ were the only one I ever wanted to do stuff with.  I always figured ya’ were the only one who ever really got me.  We balance out, okay?  I think I knew that from the time we were little.  Whenever I’d get pissed I could always push that off on ya’ without worrying that you’d start crying about it.  Ya’ took my crap and ya’ liked it.”

“This is way beyond just taking your crap,” Mikey said.  “If all we were both looking for was kinky sex, then why the change in our scent?  Not only mine, but yours too.  Why’d I suddenly need you to hurt me when I didn’t know anything about your secret?  Why only you?  How come all I can think about is you and why do I get jealous if anybody else looks at you cross ways?  Aren’t you feeling any of that?”

Raph swiped a hand across his face.  “The last thing I wanted was for this to get complicated,” he said.  “There’s always a chance that something will happen to make it too hot for us do to this anymore.  It’ll be better if ya’ don’t get that attached.”

“You deserve to have something special in your life Raph,” Mikey said, holding his brother’s eyes with his own.  “We all do.  It should be something of your choosing, no matter what that is, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else.  This thing we do isn’t causing anyone harm.  Maybe you’re blowing what Leo said to you all out of proportion, or maybe you’re letting him have power over you when he really doesn’t.  He couldn’t possibly know how Sensei would react to any of this.”

“Get this Mikey, and get it now.  That ain’t something I’m willing to take a chance on.  You’re the dreamer in the family, not me.  The here and now is plenty good enough for me.  As far as I’m concerned, the only differences we’ve got is whether we keep coming back here.  I’m putting myself out there as much as I intend to.  If that ain’t good enough for ya’, then give me your damn key.”

“It’s really important to you that you have all of the control, isn’t it?” Mikey asked, purposely ignoring what sounded like an ultimatum from his brother.

“No,” Raph growled, “it’s necessary that I have all of the control.  My place, my rules.  That’s what ya’ agreed to, Michelangelo.  So here it is, plain and simple, just like ya’ said earlier.  If you’re gonna ‘cause me heartburn over this, then we quit.  Ya’ suddenly can’t handle the rules, give me back my damn key.  Otherwise, shut the fuck up about it.”

“You wouldn’t fight for this?  You’d stop, just like that?” Mikey asked, brow furrowed.

Raph stepped back from the bar and crossed his arms.  “Yeah, just like that.”

Mikey had no idea if Raph would feel bad or not over ending it and that thought put a lump in his throat.  Raph had told him not to get attached, but it was way too late for that because Mikey was already attached.  Why did Raph have to be so hardheaded?

Raphael was just stubborn enough to follow through on his threat.  It didn’t make sense to Mikey; this room and Raph’s almost life-long fantasies centered on his youngest brother.  In the grand scheme of things, the three trysts they’d had inside the secret room couldn’t possibly have fulfilled Raph’s ultimate daydream.  Mikey was pretty sure he knew what that daydream was.

In his best cajoling tone, Mikey asked, “How can you stop when you haven’t really gotten what you want?”

A flicker of emotion crossed Raph’s face before he controlled it, but Mikey knew he’d scored a hit.

“Ya’ think ya’ know me, don’t ya’?” Raph asked with a mixture of anger and petulance.

“Yeah, I do,” Mikey said.  “What you said, we balance out.  I think you know me well enough to know that I wouldn’t do anything that would hurt you.  That includes telling anybody anything on my own.  All I want is that you leave it open that if you somehow find out that Master Splinter doesn’t care that we’re together, you’ll consider telling me how you really feel about me.”

“I can tell ya’ that right now,” Raph said with a snort, lowering his arms.  “You’re an annoying little shit.”

“Wow, that’s original,” Mikey shot back with a laugh, knowing that Raph couldn’t deal with anymore of the deep stuff at the moment.  Raph could only handle feeling vulnerable for very short periods of time.

“It’s also your turn to clean up,” Raph said, dropping a sponge into the pail and passing it across the bar to Mikey.  “I’m hitting the shower.”

 Accepting the pail, Mikey clammed up, realizing that he’d pushed Raph far enough for one night.  It was only after Mikey had taken a few steps away from the bar that Raph came out from behind it.  Mikey took the pail over to where the evidence of their encounter lay splattered across the floor.  Without a second look, Raph entered the tiny bathroom and closed the door.

On his knees, Mikey began to scrub the floor clean.  Other than knowing what the fluids were, the job itself was mindless work, so Mikey thought about the conversation he’d just had with Raph.

They hadn’t really resolved anything.  Their whole talk had been pretty circular when Mikey replayed it in his head.

One little thing struck Mikey as important and he concentrated on that.  Twice tonight he had managed to bluff Raph out of calling the whole thing off.  The first time it was Mikey who’d said ‘let’s quit’.  The second time he’d pushed Raph into asking for him to return his key if Mikey didn’t like how things were.

Raph had backed away both times, though the second time had been dicey.  Mikey had only felt a sense of relief when Raph hadn’t insisted.  The younger turtle wanted to believe that Raph hadn’t pushed his point because he didn’t want to stop coming to this room with his brother.

Considering everything they’d said to each other, it occurred to Mikey that though Raph asserted his right to have all of the control, it didn’t mean Mikey had no power.  Raph had admitted to having his sadistic tendencies from an early age, and this room was certainly a testament to that.

If Raph was so driven by his need that he’d go to all the trouble of finding this secret room, hooking up the plumbing, and stocking it with toys, then he had to be very invested in his kink.  Possibly invested enough that Mikey could use his wiles to convince Raph to get over his fear of being outed.  Mikey’s power over Raph versus Leo’s.

Mikey was pouring out the dirty water into the sink behind the bar when Raph came back into the main room.

“All yours,” Raph said, hooking a thumb in the direction of the bathroom.

Without a word, Mikey left to get cleaned up.  As he entered the bathroom he saw that Raph was taking the ball gag over to the bar.  Probably to clean and disinfect the thing seeing as how Mikey had drooled all over it.

Glancing at himself in the cracked mirror that hung over the sink, Mikey could see the redness of the welts that crisscrossed his shoulders.  Examining his thighs, Mikey found that they too showed the marks from the whip Raph had used on him.

\tMikey adjusted the temperature of the water in the shower so that it was a little cooler than he normally liked it to be.  Avoiding heat kept the welts from stinging and when Mikey was finished with soaping and rinsing his body, he switched the water to cold.  Though it left him shivering, the cold reduced the swelling on the welts.

\tAfter he stepped out of the shower stall, Mikey checked himself again and was relieved that the welts were much less noticeable.  However, they weren’t invisible, and he’d have to do something about that.

\tMikey’s mind was on that problem as he left the bathroom and proceeded to the bar so that he could begin gearing up.  Raph was leaning against the wall near the door and approached to within a few feet of his younger brother as Mikey slipped into his knee pads.

\tWhen Mikey straightened he found that Raph was staring at his thighs.  Reaching a hand out, Raph’s fingers gently grazed one of the welts before he pulled it back.  The touch seemed compassionate and Mikey’s breath caught.

\t“Are those bothering ya’?” Raph asked softly.

\t“Not really,” Mikey answered.  “Gotta figure out a way to hide them, at least for when we get home.  Once I apply some of that salve that Donny made these will be gone by morning.”

\t“Didn’t want to break the skin,” Raph said, his eyes conveying an emotion that Mikey couldn’t interpret.  “I was being careful.”

\t“I know,” Mikey told him.  Thinking he understood, Mikey added, “You haven’t lost control even once.  I told you that I knew you wouldn’t.”

\t“Yeah,” Raph acknowledged, his voice cracking.  Clearing his throat, he repeated, “Yeah.  Ya’ said ya’ trusted me more than I trust myself.  Can ya’ keep on doing that, Mikey?”

\tWarmth blossomed suddenly in Mikey’s chest and he said, “No problemo, bro’.”

\tA hint of color suffused Raph’s neck and he turned away, moving over to the door.  “We gotta go out and play in the rain now so everyone will think we’ve been practicing the ‘way of getting soaked’,” he said humorously.

\tAn idea struck Mikey as he joined his brother.  “Hey, if I’m covered in mud these welts won’t show.  I can always say you shoved me down in it.”

\tThey exited the room and Raph locked the door.  “I like that idea,” he replied, “especially the part where I shove ya’ into the mud.”

\tLaughing, the pair made their way through the tunnels and then climbed into the wet world above them.  They spent the next half-hour running through the rain, taking turns tagging one another.

\tTrue to his word, Raph made sure that Mikey was appropriately muddy before they called it a night and headed for the lair.

TBC………………..

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