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Leo isn't helping much by sending him mixed signals.\n\nMulti-chapter 2k3", "count": "6", "submission_left_submission_id": "902325", "submission_left_file_name": "3178809_hummerhouse_cross_purposes_part_4.doc", "submission_left_thumbnail_url_huge": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/huge/3178/3178809_hummerhouse_cross_purposes_part_4.jpg", "submission_left_thumbnail_url_large": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/large/3178/3178809_hummerhouse_cross_purposes_part_4.jpg", "submission_left_thumbnail_url_medium": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/medium/3178/3178809_hummerhouse_cross_purposes_part_4.jpg", "submission_left_thumb_huge_x": "300", "submission_left_thumb_huge_y": "300", "submission_left_thumb_large_x": "200", "submission_left_thumb_large_y": "200", "submission_left_thumb_medium_x": "120", "submission_left_thumb_medium_y": "120", "submission_right_submission_id": "905257", "submission_right_file_name": "3178811_hummerhouse_cross_purposes_part_6.doc", "submission_right_thumbnail_url_huge": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/huge/3178/3178811_hummerhouse_cross_purposes_part_6.jpg", "submission_right_thumbnail_url_large": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/large/3178/3178811_hummerhouse_cross_purposes_part_6.jpg", "submission_right_thumbnail_url_medium": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/medium/3178/3178811_hummerhouse_cross_purposes_part_6.jpg", "submission_right_thumb_huge_x": "300", "submission_right_thumb_huge_y": "300", "submission_right_thumb_large_x": "200", "submission_right_thumb_large_y": "200", "submission_right_thumb_medium_x": "120", "submission_right_thumb_medium_y": "120" } ], "description": "Summary: Raph was ready for a happy ending, but it just didn't work out that way.\nRated: R TCest, language, adult concepts and situations, angst\nPairing: Leo/Raph\n~~The fabulous cover image was commissioned from @Plastron.", "description_bbcode_parsed": "Summary: Raph was ready for a happy ending, but it just didn't work out that way.
Rated: R TCest, language, adult concepts and situations, angst
Pairing: Leo/Raph
~~The fabulous cover image was commissioned from @Plastron.", "writing": "Excerpt from Raph’s journal:\n\n[i]\t“That was three weeks ago. Since then, the most words Leo’s said to me outside of the dojo was ‘please pass the butter’.\n\n\t“Of the two of us, you’d think it’d be me that was the most freaked out about what we did. I was the one bent over with my tail up in the air; I was the one trying not to walk funny for a couple of days after. Fuck, it even stung to take a dump, and there was a little blood each time too.\n\n\t“It wasn’t much, so I figured everything was okay inside except for maybe a little torn up. Shell, who was I gonna ask if this was a normal thing anyway? Leo was the one that supposedly looked this shit up, but he wasn’t speaking to me. I didn’t want this on my search log, no matter how much I trusted Don.\n\n\t“That night, when we were done, Leo turned me around and kissed me so thoroughly I saw stars. Afterwards, he just held me and I held him. We could have stayed that way for an eternity and I would have been happy.\n\n\t“He told me he loved me. His mouth was against my shoulder and it was kinda muffled, but I heard it loud and clear. I said something stupid like ‘back at ya’ bro’. Do I really need to keep reminding myself I’m an idiot in these posts?\n\n\t“Leo pulled his face off of me and looked at me so seriously that I started feeling this weight dropping from my chest into my stomach and figured out that it was my heart.\n\n\t“I’ll never, ever forget his words. ‘You don’t understand, Raphael. I’ve loved you for so long my first memory is of loving you. Everything I am revolves around you; everything I’ve spent my life fighting for is to keep you safe’.\n\n\t“I told him he did that for all of us, but he told me it was mostly for me. I finally got the guts then to tell him how much I loved him too and that I had for as long as I could remember.\n\n\t“His face kinda pulled down at the edges when I said that. Go figure, somebody says they love you and you answer in kind, and they look like you just pulled their life support.\n\n\t“I really, really couldn’t take it anymore. I’m an open, up front kind of guy. If I like something, I say so. If I don’t, you’re fucking gonna hear about it, either from my mouth or from my fists.\n\n\t“Leo keeps shit to himself. He clams up under the weight of the world ‘cause he seems to have some kinda need to bear it all himself. I knew we worked because of that; we keep each other balanced. But my helping him stay balanced on this meant he had to finally open up to me about what the fuck was going on.\n\n\t“When I grabbed his shoulders and gave him a good, hard shake and asked that question he pulled away from me. I don’t mean just physically either; he fucking locked down tighter than a drum emotionally as well. From the look on his face I wouldn’t have known we just had sex if it wasn’t for the fact that his jizz was still seeping out of my ass.\n\n\t“That shit was scaring me as bad as the time when I thought he was gonna die. I found myself begging him to just tell me something, ‘cause I honestly couldn’t stand not knowing.\n\n\t“Leo said we couldn’t be together and that we had to pretend nothing happened between us. He said he shouldn’t have slipped up and given in to his desires; that it was wrong of him and if I wanted to hate him he understood.\n\n\t“That didn’t make any fucking sense and I told him so. I was completely lost and the way he was acting didn’t help. So I told him to explain it to me. I told Leo to tell me why we couldn’t have this kind of relationship for the rest of our lives.\n\n\t“He said ‘because we can’t’. That’s it; that was the big, fucking explanation. Leo started back to the lair and I limped along behind him too shocked to know what else to say. Basically, I just got fucked and then dumped.\n\n\t“Just before we went in, he turned around and told me I had to promise to say nothing to anyone about what we just did. He told me I had to promise to act like nothing at all had happened between us.\n\n\t“Leo looked so fucking cold when he said that to me that I got mad. I mean, really mad, like I ain’t been in a long time. I said some shit, I don’t even remember all of it, but I know I ended up telling him he was the world’s biggest bastard and I hoped he enjoyed the idea of dying alone when he got old, ‘cause I was washing my hands of him.\n\n\t“I don’t know if I got to him or not. You couldn’t tell anything from his face; the mask was down and it stayed down. I was so furious when we got back into the lair that I stomped off to my room and left him standing there. Master Splinter came out of the kitchen; I could see him staring at me, but if he wanted to talk to me he didn’t say anything.\n\n\t“When my bedroom door closed behind me all I wanted to do was beat the crap out of something! All kinds of hurt was tearing at my chest; I been cut by katanas, gouged by knives; shell I’ve even got a bullet hole or two in places. None of that hurt as bad as this did.\n\n\t“As bad as this does. I barely been out of my room except to leave the lair. When I’m home, I try to stay out of the common areas. He doesn’t need to worry about me telling anybody anything; I wouldn’t talk about this to save my life.\n\n\t“Don’s dragged me into his lab a couple of times, trying to get me to tell him what happened between me and Leo, but I ain’t saying shit. Leo can rot in hell for all I care.\n\n\t“I gotta train with him and put on a show for Master Splinter, but that’s it. If we go on patrol, it’s me and Don; Leo and Mikey. I’m pretty sure he’s trying to avoid spending too much time alone with Donny now too. \n\n\t“Don’s scary sometimes with how he can make you tell him stuff whether you want to or not. Maybe if I wasn’t so mad and hurt, I’d talk to him, but then again, I did end up promising to keep my trap shut. It was a heat of the moment ‘why would I want anyone to know I was stupid enough to let you fuck me?’ kind of promise, but I made it.\n\n\t“So here I am, three weeks later. I really thought the anger and hurt I suffered would burn away the feelings I have for Leo, but they haven’t. I’m mad, I’m in pain, and I love Leonardo so much that every waking hour without him is the worst kind of torture.\n\n\t“What the fuck am I supposed to do? I feel like he’s ashamed that he had feelings for me. I know I ain’t good enough for him; I’ve always known that. Shell, who am I kidding; I ain’t good enough for anybody, but least of all Leo. I guess in my fairy tale land of secret dreams I kinda hoped he’d manage to find something in me to be proud of.\n\n\t“All I can think of is to ask Master Splinter if he could send me someplace for a while to get my head on straight. He sent Leo to the Ancient One when he was messed up and it worked for him. Maybe sensei knows somebody that can fix me too.\n\n\t“It’s either that, or one of these days I’m just not gonna bother to move fast enough in a fight.\n\n\t“Shit. I can’t believe I just fucking typed that. Enough with this damn journal, I think it’s making me feel worse. I’m just gonna go talk to my Father . . . .\"\n\n[/i]\tRaph came out of his room and glanced around the lair. It was late and it seemed like everyone else had gone to bed.\n\n\tHe rubbed at his eyes and sighed. He hadn’t been sleeping well and his eyes burned. That pain somewhat offset the nauseous feeling Raph had from not eating dinner. Or lunch. Or breakfast for that matter. The thought of food wasn’t very appealing.\n\n\tRaph knew Master Splinter would still be awake so he started down the stairs, intent on putting his new plan into action right away. He was determined to find a way not to be miserable any longer, and the first step was to leave home. Raph hoped his Father would agree so that Raph wouldn’t need to run away.\n\n\tPausing outside Master Splinter’s room in order to take a deep breath, Raph lifted his hand to knock.\n\n\tSomeone grabbed his wrist and jerked his arm back, half spinning him away from the door. Raph found himself face to face with Leo.\n\n\t“What are you doing?” Leo hissed at him.\n\n\tRaph’s anger flared. “I’m going in to talk to my Father, asshole,” he snarled viciously.\n\n\t“No you’re not,” Leo said in a low, menacing voice and started dragging Raph towards the dojo.\n\nTBC……………", "writing_bbcode_parsed": "Excerpt from Raph’s journal:

\t“That was three weeks ago.  Since then, the most words Leo’s said to me outside of the dojo was ‘please pass the butter’.

\t“Of the two of us, you’d think it’d be me that was the most freaked out about what we did.  I was the one bent over with my tail up in the air; I was the one trying not to walk funny for a couple of days after.  Fuck, it even stung to take a dump, and there was a little blood each time too.

\t“It wasn’t much, so I figured everything was okay inside except for maybe a little torn up.  Shell, who was I gonna ask if this was a normal thing anyway?  Leo was the one that supposedly looked this shit up, but he wasn’t speaking to me.  I didn’t want this on my search log, no matter how much I trusted Don.

\t“That night, when we were done, Leo turned me around and kissed me so thoroughly I saw stars.  Afterwards, he just held me and I held him.  We could have stayed that way for an eternity and I would have been happy.

\t“He told me he loved me.  His mouth was against my shoulder and it was kinda muffled, but I heard it loud and clear.  I said something stupid like ‘back at ya’ bro’.  Do I really need to keep reminding myself I’m an idiot in these posts?

\t“Leo pulled his face off of me and looked at me so seriously that I started feeling this weight dropping from my chest into my stomach and figured out that it was my heart.

\t“I’ll never, ever forget his words.  ‘You don’t understand, Raphael.  I’ve loved you for so long my first memory is of loving you.  Everything I am revolves around you; everything I’ve spent my life fighting for is to keep you safe’.

\t“I told him he did that for all of us, but he told me it was mostly for me.  I finally got the guts then to tell him how much I loved him too and that I had for as long as I could remember.

\t“His face kinda pulled down at the edges when I said that.  Go figure, somebody says they love you and you answer in kind, and they look like you just pulled their life support.

\t“I really, really couldn’t take it anymore.  I’m an open, up front kind of guy.  If I like something, I say so.  If I don’t, you’re fucking gonna hear about it, either from my mouth or from my fists.

\t“Leo keeps shit to himself.  He clams up under the weight of the world ‘cause he seems to have some kinda need to bear it all himself.  I knew we worked because of that; we keep each other balanced.  But my helping him stay balanced on this meant he had to finally open up to me about what the fuck was going on.

\t“When I grabbed his shoulders and gave him a good, hard shake and asked that question he pulled away from me.  I don’t mean just physically either; he fucking locked down tighter than a drum emotionally as well.  From the look on his face I wouldn’t have known we just had sex if it wasn’t for the fact that his jizz was still seeping out of my ass.

\t“That shit was scaring me as bad as the time when I thought he was gonna die.  I found myself begging him to just tell me something, ‘cause I honestly couldn’t stand not knowing.

\t“Leo said we couldn’t be together and that we had to pretend nothing happened between us.  He said he shouldn’t have slipped up and given in to his desires; that it was wrong of him and if I wanted to hate him he understood.

\t“That didn’t make any fucking sense and I told him so.  I was completely lost and the way he was acting didn’t help.  So I told him to explain it to me.  I told Leo to tell me why we couldn’t have this kind of relationship for the rest of our lives.

\t“He said ‘because we can’t’.  That’s it; that was the big, fucking explanation.  Leo started back to the lair and I limped along behind him too shocked to know what else to say.  Basically, I just got fucked and then dumped.

\t“Just before we went in, he turned around and told me I had to promise to say nothing to anyone about what we just did.  He told me I had to promise to act like nothing at all had happened between us.

\t“Leo looked so fucking cold when he said that to me that I got mad.  I mean, really mad, like I ain’t been in a long time.  I said some shit, I don’t even remember all of it, but I know I ended up telling him he was the world’s biggest bastard and I hoped he enjoyed the idea of dying alone when he got old, ‘cause I was washing my hands of him.

\t“I don’t know if I got to him or not.  You couldn’t tell anything from his face; the mask was down and it stayed down.  I was so furious when we got back into the lair that I stomped off to my room and left him standing there.  Master Splinter came out of the kitchen; I could see him staring at me, but if he wanted to talk to me he didn’t say anything.

\t“When my bedroom door closed behind me all I wanted to do was beat the crap out of something!  All kinds of hurt was tearing at my chest; I been cut by katanas, gouged by knives; shell I’ve even got a bullet hole or two in places.  None of that hurt as bad as this did.

\t“As bad as this does.  I barely been out of my room except to leave the lair.  When I’m home, I try to stay out of the common areas.  He doesn’t need to worry about me telling anybody anything; I wouldn’t talk about this to save my life.

\t“Don’s dragged me into his lab a couple of times, trying to get me to tell him what happened between me and Leo, but I ain’t saying shit.  Leo can rot in hell for all I care.

\t“I gotta train with him and put on a show for Master Splinter, but that’s it.  If we go on patrol, it’s me and Don; Leo and Mikey.  I’m pretty sure he’s trying to avoid spending too much time alone with Donny now too.

\t“Don’s scary sometimes with how he can make you tell him stuff whether you want to or not.  Maybe if I wasn’t so mad and hurt, I’d talk to him, but then again, I did end up promising to keep my trap shut.  It was a heat of the moment ‘why would I want anyone to know I was stupid enough to let you fuck me?’ kind of promise, but I made it.

\t“So here I am, three weeks later.  I really thought the anger and hurt I suffered would burn away the feelings I have for Leo, but they haven’t.  I’m mad, I’m in pain, and I love Leonardo so much that every waking hour without him is the worst kind of torture.

\t“What the fuck am I supposed to do?  I feel like he’s ashamed that he had feelings for me.  I know I ain’t good enough for him; I’ve always known that.  Shell, who am I kidding; I ain’t good enough for anybody, but least of all Leo.  I guess in my fairy tale land of secret dreams I kinda hoped he’d manage to find something in me to be proud of.

\t“All I can think of is to ask Master Splinter if he could send me someplace for a while to get my head on straight.  He sent Leo to the Ancient One when he was messed up and it worked for him.  Maybe sensei knows somebody that can fix me too.

\t“It’s either that, or one of these days I’m just not gonna bother to move fast enough in a fight.

\t“Shit.  I can’t believe I just fucking typed that.  Enough with this damn journal, I think it’s making me feel worse.  I’m just gonna go talk to my Father  . . . ."

\tRaph came out of his room and glanced around the lair.  It was late and it seemed like everyone else had gone to bed.

\tHe rubbed at his eyes and sighed.  He hadn’t been sleeping well and his eyes burned.  That pain somewhat offset the nauseous feeling Raph had from not eating dinner.  Or lunch.  Or breakfast for that matter.  The thought of food wasn’t very appealing.

\tRaph knew Master Splinter would still be awake so he started down the stairs, intent on putting his new plan into action right away.  He was determined to find a way not to be miserable any longer, and the first step was to leave home.  Raph hoped his Father would agree so that Raph wouldn’t need to run away.

\tPausing outside Master Splinter’s room in order to take a deep breath, Raph lifted his hand to knock.

\tSomeone grabbed his wrist and jerked his arm back, half spinning him away from the door.  Raph found himself face to face with Leo.

\t“What are you doing?” Leo hissed at him.

\tRaph’s anger flared.  “I’m going in to talk to my Father, asshole,” he snarled viciously.

\t“No you’re not,” Leo said in a low, menacing voice and started dragging Raph towards the dojo.

TBC……………", "pools_count": 1, "title": "Cross Purposes part 5", "deleted": "f", "public": "t", "mimetype": "application/msword", "pagecount": "1", "rating_id": "2", "rating_name": "Adult", "ratings": [ { "content_tag_id": "4", "name": "Sexual Themes", "description": "Erotic imagery, sexual activity or arousal", "rating_id": "2" } ], "submission_type_id": "12", "type_name": "Writing - Document", "guest_block": "t", "friends_only": "f", "comments_count": "2", "views": "203" }