[Couple things before we get to the story;]
[Its like 4 am, im half asleep, I have no clue why I wrote this.]
[This has tentacle monster things in it, but no hentai. Sorry. That's not my fetish.]
[This will not be logical. At all. Don't poke holes in my logic, please. It's not good for my self-esteem.]
[I feel like this is the most rule 34-enforcing thing i'll ever make.]
[This is told from the POV of something that doesn't have a name besides "The Beast", so we'll just name him Arnold]
[I realize how cringy writing a story/fanfic/whatever these things count as about CoD is, and i promise this will be the only one]
[Again, since im half asleep, I probably won't proof-read this. Expect grammar mistakes]
[Ill stop with the disclaimers, and get on with the story]

	Today was... *sigh*
	The first thing today was, was a headache and a half. Moreso than any other day, because since Treyarch decided to make the Revelations Easter Egg (why do we still call them that?) possible if all other Easter Eggs are done, that meant that people were flooding into my map trying to get this done. I feel like people underestimate how exhausting it is to be controlled by someone else. You have to be there, live through whatever you're currently being forced to do. It's hard to describe, since, you know, you're not really living through it. You're more or less watching. Anyway, back to the reason you're here: the subtle way of asserting my dominance. Over what, you say? Well, thats how ill keep you engaged, can't exactly tell you the whole thing up front now can I?
	After about 11:00 PM, players stopped showing up, presumably to sleep. I sat down next to some kind of donut cart thing and fell asleep, again since I was tired out from being controlled all day. I woke up what I thought was a couple hours later, and found a Margwa walking around. I'd been here long enough to know that these guys don't just walk around for no reason. Since he doesn't have a face, I couldn't really figure out what that reason was. He did, however, seemed distracted. He seemed paranoid, shy, and like he was looking for something. I didn't pay him much mind, and fell back asleep. I woke up again, and the margwa had left. Probably back to wherever they hang out before they teleport in. I assumed it was about 3 or 4 in the morning; they would soon be back to try again. I really didn't want to sit through another 12+ hours of being controlled, but I knew it would happen eventually, so I needed a way to make myself laugh while being controlled. But how?
	I must've paced around for a solid half-hour before it hit me. Not so much an idea, but more or less my bladder. I casually started searching for a place to go, while also thinking of ways to laugh. Unplug the perk machines? Too easy to do, and too easy to get around. Hide the summoning key somewhere actually hidden? This map had been out for so long, people would find it in no time... the pressure in my crotch gradually got worse. I tried to distract myself; break the gobblegum machines? They aren't necessary. Erase the chalk for the wallbuys? The Mystery Box is a thing. Mix up the perks? The little "Hold F to buy (Perk Name)" would sell me out... at this point i was getting desperate, both in terms of ideas and a place to go. I kept coming back to the perk machines, since they were basically essential for survival. Break the perk machines? Too similar to unplugging. Mess with the conten- BINGO! It hit me right then and there. I almost immediatley ran to the Canals District, which was where Juggernog was located... I think you know where i'm going with this.
	In case you haven't figured it out yet, you soon will. I ran up the stairs, and found the machine. How could I get inside without it being obvious? The back side was all for cooling, and the only way to unlock the front part was with a key that I didn't have. Break the lock? Too obvious. Pick the lock? No clue how. I sat there- rather, paced around, trying to figure it out. I eventually came to the conclusion that i'd just have to bust the lock and hope for the best. It took a couple hits, but it snapped eventually. I opened the perk machine, and got really excited. Instead of there being, like, 500 bottles of Juggernog, there was one bottle that got cloned whenever someone bought one. That made sense, but at that point I didn't care. It'd been about 45 minutes since I got the idea to come here, and I really needed to go. I grabbed the bottle (no security for some reason) and dumped it into the canals in the area that gave the place its name. I covered my ears because I was almost certain that the sound would've made me go before I was ready. Eventually the bottle was emptied, and now I just had to find somewhere quiet to finish this. I found a nice place above the alleyway with Quick Revive in it. There was a light on over it, so I zapped it until it shorted out. I positioned the bottle, took aim, and then started filling.
	It felt really good, not gonna lie. Hearing that sound of the bottle filling up was strangely satisfying for me. The smell was a different story. It smelled sour, salty. Like if you took the taste of old milk, mixed it with cheese and salt then made it sour. It's hard to describe. However, It's probably worth noting, if you haven't figured it out already, that im pretty shy about this. I spent this time somewhat hunched over, making sure it went in as quietly as possible. I was more or less as still as a statue for the time, and I only snapped out of it when the bottle was full. I'm one of those people who can stop going... kinda. I capped the bottle, then picked it up. It was warm, and slightly slippery. I started running towards Juggernog, arrived, then stopped. If I put it in now, it might preserve its warmth. I ran down to the docks, and held it underwater until it was cool. Then ran all the way back, put it in, then sealed the machine off the best I could.
	The first couple of players show up, and to nobody's surprise fall into my trap. As far as I know it was my special "concoction" they were drinking, and this made me very happy. One game after the next, after the next, and the next, and the next, and on and on and on until 11:00 rolled around again. I decided to wait up for the Margwa from the other night, and see if he had lost something. Sure enough, he was walking the same way he was last night, except more profound. I asked him what was wrong, and he said he needed a bathroom, number one. I told him what I had done (not giving myself credit, really awkward about this stuff), and he thought it was hilarious. He ran over to Speed Cola and did the exact same thing I did, just less shyly and a lot less accurate. I decided to rig Double Tap next, and on and on this went until every single perk on the map was nothing but "lemonade".

You just suffered through... that. How do you feel? I, for one, regret writing this. But hey, maybe someone will get a kick out of it...?

FULLY ENFORCING MY RULE 34 RIGHTS!