{"submission_id":"101683","keywords":[{"keyword_id":"4222","keyword_name":"depression","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"689"},{"keyword_id":"33","keyword_name":"fox","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"135337"},{"keyword_id":"2056","keyword_name":"knife","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"1503"},{"keyword_id":"165","keyword_name":"male","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"639732"}],"hidden":"f","scraps":"f","favorite":"f","favorites_count":"1","create_datetime":"2011-05-11 05:00:34.147408+02","create_datetime_usertime":"11 May 2011 05:00 CEST","last_file_update_datetime":"2011-05-11 04:58:13.670498+02","last_file_update_datetime_usertime":"11 May 2011 04:58 CEST","username":"foxchild","user_id":"14269","user_icon_file_name":"9050_foxchild_fa-icon.gif","user_icon_url_large":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/usericons/large/9/9050_foxchild_fa-icon.gif","user_icon_url_medium":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/usericons/medium/9/9050_foxchild_fa-icon.gif","user_icon_url_small":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/usericons/small/9/9050_foxchild_fa-icon.gif","file_name":"132378_foxchild_weakness.jpg","file_url_full":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/full/132/132378_foxchild_weakness.jpg","file_url_screen":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/screen/132/132378_foxchild_weakness.jpg","file_url_preview":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/preview/132/132378_foxchild_weakness.jpg","thumbnail_url_huge":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/huge/132/132378_foxchild_weakness.jpg","thumbnail_url_large":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/large/132/132378_foxchild_weakness.jpg","thumbnail_url_medium":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/medium/132/132378_foxchild_weakness.jpg","thumb_huge_x":"120","thumb_huge_y":"120","thumb_large_x":"120","thumb_large_y":"120","thumb_medium_x":"120","thumb_medium_y":"120","thumbnail_url_huge_noncustom":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/preview/132/132378_foxchild_weakness.jpg","thumbnail_url_large_noncustom":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/large/132/132378_foxchild_weakness_noncustom.jpg","thumbnail_url_medium_noncustom":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/medium/132/132378_foxchild_weakness_noncustom.jpg","thumb_medium_noncustom_x":"91","thumb_medium_noncustom_y":"120","thumb_large_noncustom_x":"151","thumb_large_noncustom_y":"200","thumb_huge_noncustom_x":"227","thumb_huge_noncustom_y":"300","files":[{"file_id":"132378","file_name":"132378_foxchild_weakness.jpg","file_url_full":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/full/132/132378_foxchild_weakness.jpg","file_url_screen":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/screen/132/132378_foxchild_weakness.jpg","file_url_preview":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/preview/132/132378_foxchild_weakness.jpg","mimetype":"image/jpeg","submission_id":"101683","user_id":"14269","submission_file_order":"0","full_size_x":"487","full_size_y":"645","screen_size_x":"487","screen_size_y":"645","preview_size_x":"227","preview_size_y":"300","initial_file_md5":"7277808e243582efd2d8f4314babc268","full_file_md5":"7277808e243582efd2d8f4314babc268","large_file_md5":"68b810208e2f66164cb561794a0ea0a8","small_file_md5":"7ea28e741de8769906ba6b544a2ead8e","thumbnail_md5":"6e7ff49fc52e1aea2f76400de11ecb4e","deleted":"f","create_datetime":"2011-05-11 04:58:13.670498+02","create_datetime_usertime":"11 May 2011 04:58 CEST","thumbnail_url_huge":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/huge/132/132378_foxchild_weakness.jpg","thumbnail_url_large":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/large/132/132378_foxchild_weakness.jpg","thumbnail_url_medium":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/medium/132/132378_foxchild_weakness.jpg","thumb_huge_x":"120","thumb_huge_y":"120","thumb_large_x":"120","thumb_large_y":"120","thumb_medium_x":"120","thumb_medium_y":"120","thumbnail_url_huge_noncustom":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/preview/132/132378_foxchild_weakness.jpg","thumbnail_url_large_noncustom":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/large/132/132378_foxchild_weakness_noncustom.jpg","thumbnail_url_medium_noncustom":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/medium/132/132378_foxchild_weakness_noncustom.jpg","thumb_medium_noncustom_x":"91","thumb_medium_noncustom_y":"120","thumb_large_noncustom_x":"151","thumb_large_noncustom_y":"200","thumb_huge_noncustom_x":"227","thumb_huge_noncustom_y":"300"}],"pools":[],"description":"DISCLAIMER: [u][i][b]THIS DRAWING IS AN OLDER DOODLE[/b][/i][/u]\n\nI am [b]NOT[/b] currently depressed\nI am [b]NOT[/b] at risk of self mutilation with a knife\nI am [b]NOT[/b] at risk of self mutilation using means without a knife\nI am [b]NOT[/b] at risk of self mutilation [b]of any form[/b]\n\nI do [b]NOT[/b] wish to get messages regarding any form of help seeking, or those looking to simply \"check in\" on me.\n\nThis is being posted as I am comfortable enough to SHARE that these drawings exist, and that the expression of these darker moments can have positive value.\n\n/DISCLAIMER\n\n\nAs marked above, this drawing comes from a while ago. Obviously after one of my more recent style updates/changes, but by no means current. I can look at this and get a very specific emotional response from it. I know what this drawing meant to me, and means to me. It was an expression of a desire based on an old bad habit I didn't wish to repeat at that time, but had to somehow get it out of my mind in a manner not simply just a distraction. This drawing is the result of that over the course of a bit longer than it usually takes me to sketch. A lot of care was taken with this to make sure the muscles looked right, and that the proportions were correct. (though on the proportions note, my tails are larger in my develop(ed/ing) style in comparison to the body.)\n\nI have debated even now the idea of inking and coloring this piece. I'm still very happy with how it came out - it looks exactly like it did when I laid out the design in my mind. I debate what color choices I would use, and what the implications of each shade and hue put to paper would have for the meaning of the piece overall.\n\nArt can be a powerful tool. Both in exposing people to emotions not readily touched by most, and expressing emotions that words can't adequately describe. The truth of it is, though, that this piece is in it's final form. It will never progress beyond this - it wouldn't be the expression of that exact moment in my mind anymore. It will join the collection of drawings I hold onto, many of which express a similar sentiment, some during the times where this was in fact a problem.\n\nThere is a situational irony that has come up with me posting this, as well. An old sketchbook of mine, perhaps my very first after entering the furry fandom, just came across my paws again. Going through, page by page, I can see the evolution of the deep and dark depression I hit during that time in my life. It wouldn't be until two sketchbooks later that things would have passed by a significant milestone. Although a grim reminder of a painful past, it is good to see how far I have come: artistically, emotionally, and personally.\n\nThis is posted here to be a reminder to never forget the past, even when it hurts. You all know the stereotypical phrase, but it bares repeating. \"Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it.\" With this, there is but one extra caveat; \"Those who will not FACE their past are doomed to repeat it.\"\n\nI hope those who are going through times similar to what this art portrays find the strength they need. ","description_bbcode_parsed":"DISCLAIMER: THIS DRAWING IS AN OLDER DOODLE
I am NOT currently depressed
I am NOT at risk of self mutilation with a knife
I am NOT at risk of self mutilation using means without a knife
I am NOT at risk of self mutilation of any form
I do NOT wish to get messages regarding any form of help seeking, or those looking to simply "check in" on me.
This is being posted as I am comfortable enough to SHARE that these drawings exist, and that the expression of these darker moments can have positive value.
/DISCLAIMER
As marked above, this drawing comes from a while ago. Obviously after one of my more recent style updates/changes, but by no means current. I can look at this and get a very specific emotional response from it. I know what this drawing meant to me, and means to me. It was an expression of a desire based on an old bad habit I didn't wish to repeat at that time, but had to somehow get it out of my mind in a manner not simply just a distraction. This drawing is the result of that over the course of a bit longer than it usually takes me to sketch. A lot of care was taken with this to make sure the muscles looked right, and that the proportions were correct. (though on the proportions note, my tails are larger in my develop(ed/ing) style in comparison to the body.)
I have debated even now the idea of inking and coloring this piece. I'm still very happy with how it came out - it looks exactly like it did when I laid out the design in my mind. I debate what color choices I would use, and what the implications of each shade and hue put to paper would have for the meaning of the piece overall.
Art can be a powerful tool. Both in exposing people to emotions not readily touched by most, and expressing emotions that words can't adequately describe. The truth of it is, though, that this piece is in it's final form. It will never progress beyond this - it wouldn't be the expression of that exact moment in my mind anymore. It will join the collection of drawings I hold onto, many of which express a similar sentiment, some during the times where this was in fact a problem.
There is a situational irony that has come up with me posting this, as well. An old sketchbook of mine, perhaps my very first after entering the furry fandom, just came across my paws again. Going through, page by page, I can see the evolution of the deep and dark depression I hit during that time in my life. It wouldn't be until two sketchbooks later that things would have passed by a significant milestone. Although a grim reminder of a painful past, it is good to see how far I have come: artistically, emotionally, and personally.
This is posted here to be a reminder to never forget the past, even when it hurts. You all know the stereotypical phrase, but it bares repeating. "Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it." With this, there is but one extra caveat; "Those who will not FACE their past are doomed to repeat it."
I hope those who are going through times similar to what this art portrays find the strength they need. ","writing":"","writing_bbcode_parsed":"","pools_count":0,"title":"Facing the past. [ Old habits die hard... ]","deleted":"f","public":"t","mimetype":"image/jpeg","pagecount":"1","rating_id":"1","rating_name":"Mature","ratings":[{"content_tag_id":"2","name":"Nudity","description":"Nonsexual nudity exposing breasts or genitals (must not show arousal)","rating_id":"1"},{"content_tag_id":"3","name":"Violence","description":"Mild violence","rating_id":"1"}],"submission_type_id":"1","type_name":"Picture/Pinup","guest_block":"t","friends_only":"f","comments_count":"0","views":"141","sales_description":null,"forsale":"f","digitalsales":"f","printsales":"f","digital_price":""}